Starlight Glimmer's Shop of Sameness

by Prane

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Flim and Flam, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2837

Flim and Flam try to get their cutie marks back from Starlight Glimmer's pawn shop.

After a crushing defeat suffered from her ungrateful citizens, Starlight Glimmer continues her crusade of bringing Harmony to Equestria. To spread her philosophy further, she sets up a pawn shop in downtown Manehattan where everypony can exchange their cutie mark for a handful of bits. Everypony needs money, but those who don't pay the loan back in time have to say farewell to their talent, becoming yet another follower of equality Starlight dreams about.

The best part? It's all legal. It's not like anypony reads terms and conditions, ever.

Reviewed by The Goodfic Bin here! Available in Chinese here!

Published 2015-04-25 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-25 16:10:01 UTC

Why You Should Always Read Terms and Conditions Twice

Manehattan was a land of opportunity.

If you had a dream, a vision of greater future towards which you strived, and you stopped at nothing to achieve your goals, then the city’s unique ambiance was a promise of reaping the sweet fruit of your labor within weeks of starting up your own business. A classy bistro with pleasantly lazy smooth jazz pouring from the speakers? Great idea! An antiquity store with overpriced rubbish for the naive? You’ve got it! A pawn shop specializing in removing your cutie mark for bits? Sure, go for—actually, don’t go for it. Starlight Glimmer’s Shop of Sameness had opened a little over a month ago and was doing great, so it would be unwise to go against her now.

Come to think of it, going against her any other day was a mistake too.

“It is a fine day we’re having, Miss Glimmer, isn’t it?”

“Gentlecolts!” Starlight replied, waving at the two newcomers. “What a pleasure to see you again in my humble store! Please, do come in!”

Flim and Flam, the entrepreneurial duo of salespony brothers nonpareil approached the mare, each following one of the long, identical carpets installed across the floor. Much like the general decor of the store, the carpets brought to mind the equality sign similar to Starlight Glimmer’s own cutie mark which had become a trademark of her business. They lead to a glass counter filled with a variety of magical symbols stored in elegant flasks, all of which had a tag with identical price on it.

“Humble?” Flim said, nonchalantly resting against the counter. “Humble is hardly the word I’d use for a place under the management of such an extraordinary mare!”

Starlight brought a smile to her face, as gentle as it was fake. “Please, I am in no way better than anyone else. I simply happen to be the right pony at the right place,” she said, pointing up at one of the four wooden tablets hanging over the counter. Each had a maxim to which Starlight adhered in her shop and life.

ALL PONIES ARE EQUAL

“But, enough flattery. What can I do for you?”

Flam answered in place of his twin. “My brother and I are pleased to inform that our latest endeavor was a success. We’ve earned a handful of bits over the amount you lent us, and we’d like to request our cutie marks back.” He pointed at his flank where two black bars of equality had been magically manifested. “As much as I enjoyed this little change, it is time for us to get our apples back.”

“Certainly. Do remind me, were those full fruits, halves, or maybe cores?”

“A quarter of an apple for me,” Flim said, “and three quarters for my brother.”

If it wasn’t for the professional demeanor she had to uphold, Starlight would wince at this glaring example of nature’s disproportionality. There would be no harmony amongst the ponies until all unfairness of their cutie marks had been properly equalized. All in due time, she thought.

She took a quick glance over the commodities she had on display. Little symbols floated inside like captured twittermites, silently buzzing with magical energy of the talent they held within. Her store had cutie marks in all kinds of shapes and colors, from puffer fishes and shining stars to polyhedral dice and old books, but nothing inside the counter appeared like apples.

“We have more good news!” Flam said. “Your help was exactly what we needed during these troubled times, Miss Glimmer. It’s not easy being a freelancing businesscolt nowadays, you know? The market is full of ponies on the make who want to earn a fortune in one day. Still, tapping into our own wit and skills we’ve managed to outsmart our competition and make a considerable profit. This is why we would like to give you a round, eight percent tip for your help.”

Starlight pointed upwards to another of her maxims.

ALL DEALS ARE EQUAL

“That is mighty kind of you, but I couldn’t accept even a bit above my regular provision. Not only would that be against the Equestrian Trade Law, but it would also show my customers that I do not follow my own philosophy. Imagine what bad publicity it would attract to my little business!”

“I see, and I respect that. We at the Flim Flam Brothers understand the value of a good name.”

Upon eyeing the counter and finding nothing more than a pear cutie mark and a juicy orange one, Starlight beamed and turned to the stallions. “Gentlecolts! I’m happy to announce that your old cutie marks will no longer be a burden to you, for they had found a new owner! Isn’t that wonderful?”

The brothers looked upon each other. “A new owner?”

“Well, my Shop of Sameness wouldn’t be a proper store if I was only buying cutie marks, would it? How else would I make revenue if not by selling them back?”

Flam was first to protest. “How is that? You’re running a pawn shop, not an auction house! Aren’t pawn shops supposed to lent money in exchange for valuables, but under the mutual agreement that said valuables can be reclaimed when the owner returns?”

“If the said owner returns in time, yes,” Starlight replied, taking out an elegant binder from under the counter. She flipped a couple of pages, all identical in contents except for the signatures. “Ah, there it is. See, point seven of our agreements clearly states: The cutie mark will be returned to the service acquirer if claimed within one week from the initial transaction. Our deal was sealed April 16th, so as of midnight April 23rd two days ago I am the legal owner of your cutie marks. Or I would be, if I hadn’t sold them yesterday.”

Flim and Flam read the whole agreement again. Being the ponies of their profession they knew the binding force of such a document, and could not deny the fact that they had somehow signed a contract which put them at a disadvantage. Their signatures were a proof that they had indeed agreed to Shop of Sameness’ terms and conditions.

Flam threw a frigid stare at his inseparable business associate. “A word, brother of mine,” he said, leading Flim to the side while Starlight politely feigned disinterest in their conversation. “How is it we didn’t know about this clause? Didn’t I tell you to read the agreement and make sure it’s a clear deal?”

“But, brother! Reading and managing documents has always been your department. Why would I want, or even need to read it if I knew you’ll be doing that for both of us anyway?”

“Perhaps because you asked for a change? You asked if you could manage the administrative branch of our association for this deal instead of me, and I agreed. That would hold you responsible for this unfortunate outcome.”

Flim shook his head. “I would never dream of taking your place! While I indeed asked for that privilege, I have quite explicitly stated that I’m interested in taking charge only after this particular deal. Say, if we were to make one right now, I would gladly take the helm of our proverbial ship and do my best to analyze the agreement word by word, sentence by sentence, and clause by clause to make sure we come on top!” he said. “This is why I believe the deal with Miss Glimmer was your responsibility.”

“I, on the other hoof, believe quite the opposite, my dear brother,” Flam replied, his voice quick to turn into a venomous drawl. “You’ve got us into this mess and you’ll get us out, understood?”

With Flam’s hoof pressing his chest, the moustache-less stallion had no choice but to forfeit. He was younger by a whole eight seconds, so in times of crisis it was usually better to rely on what Flam said. Besides, he valued his voice way too much to let his brother choke him to the last of his breath.

They turned back to Starlight whose smile would make anyone believe she wasn’t eavesdropping.

“I have a feeling you gentlecolts are quite attached to your old cutie marks,” she said. “It’s perfectly natural. The liberated ponies who switched to the one I bear all agree that it feels unnatural, maybe even weird for a week or two, but then it’s all for the better! However, if you are so keen on getting a cutie mark back, then who I am to judge? Say, how about you pick something from the offer?”

Flim stuck to the glass, his eyes shining like those of a foal in the candy shop during sales. “This is quite a collection, don’t you think, brother?”

“Don’t talk to me, brother.”

Starlight pointed at a flask with a fiery blaze captured inside. “This one here I have recently acquired from a charming pegasus mare. She used to be a Wonderbolt, you know, but she decided to make her contribution to the society by becoming a professional whistler. Those are really hard to come by nowadays!” She moved over another flask. “This was donated by a fashion critic fed up with his boring, one-dimensional life. Oh, and this one belonged to a writer who is now breeding silkworms in the San Palomino Desert. They both couldn’t be happier about their choices!” Starlight said. “There is choice aplenty, but of course I cannot recommend any of them as better.”

ALL CUTIE MARKS ARE EQUAL

“Look, Flam! This cross-eyed dolphin looks exactly like you after your third round of cider! Minus the horn, mustache, and of course cider itself, but he has your stare! Or how about one of these hourglasses? There’s a pair, we could both have the same cutie mark!”

“If I were to care about something else than apples on my flank, then I’d be born into a different family, with a different brother by my side.”

Flim shook his head. “Forgive him, Miss Glimmer. It seems we’ll not be making a deal today, much to my own disappointment,” he said. “Could you at least tell us the names of those ponies who bought our cutie marks? Perhaps we could find them and settle the issue personally?”

“I’ll check the registry,” Starlight said, diving under the counter for another binder. “Yes, I remember selling them both to a single pony, so that should narrow down your search. She was a blank flank convinced that getting a cutie mark is the single most important thing in life.” The mare let out a sweet and utmost fraudulent giggle. “Those kids, am I right? They have so much to learn! Still, she had a big bag of bits so I treated her with respect and care, just like I treat all my customers.”

ALL CUSTOMERS ARE EQUAL

Seeing the other stallion lightening up, Flim nudged him on the side. “What do you say to that, brother of mine? Convincing a filly to give up her cutie marks shouldn’t be too much of a problem?”

“I couldn’t agree more, dear brother!”

“Oh, you two should have seen her face!” Starlight said. “She said that her family would be so proud. Apparently your cutie marks fit greatly to what her relatives do for a living.”

Much like his brother, Flim felt a sudden itch which had become their reflex reaction to words like family, sweet, apple, or acres ever since their fateful visit to Ponyville. Flam massaged his temples in an act of defiance against what he had realized, while Flam was taking deep breaths to vent out the tremendous stress which overwhelmed him. Out of the two, Flam needed much less to get upset, which he made clear as he stormed the counter.

“The name, Miss Starlight! What was the name of that filly?”

“Some Apple Bloom of Ponyville. Why, you know her?”

Flam groaned, Flim moaned, then they both sighed.

“You could say so,” Flam said, then turned to his brother. “Well, we’re doomed.”

“Doomed?” Flim replied. “Isn’t every problem but an opportunity in disguise? Apples or not, they are easily fooled. We’ve done it several times in the past and we’ll do it again. We’ll think of something to get our cutie marks back, I promise.”

“What, like blackmailing the filly? Kidnapping her granny? Eating out their zap apple jam? Brother, please, we’ll be running with our tails between our legs in no time. You know how protective about her family that nasty cowgirl can be!”

Flim frowned. “Apple or not, I would prefer you to not call her like that, dear brother.”

“Stupid sentimentalist.”

“Heartless horse.”

Flam exploded. “Suit yourself! I’m getting my cutie mark back no matter what! If nothing else, I’ll do it just to remind you that my apple’s three quarters is the amount of work I do in our association! I should have known better than to rely on you!”

Flim turned his back at him. “Oh, is that so? In that case I’m getting back mine to remind you that I only cause one fourth of the trouble we have to go through! And then I’ll start my own association!”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

Starlight came from behind the counter. The last thing she needed was having her store demolished by the two bickering stallions. She could probably capture one or two escaping cutie marks if their vessels got broken, but not all at once. She worked so hard on getting them and she’d hate to see her effort go in vain.

“Gentlecolts! Please!” she exclaimed. “You’re both exceptional stallions who couldn’t be a better representation of equality. Your looks, your apparel, even the shape of your ears. If it isn’t too much of a trouble, I would wish there was no discord between the two of you, so that all the ponies could see that sameness brings the peace and understanding so vital for the modern society. Now please, reach out to each other and show me some big, happy smiles!”

Flim and Flam stood resentful for a while longer, but eventually they both breathed a sigh of regret.

“Miss Glimmer is right,” Flam said, taking off his hat and putting it next to his chest. “I do hope you’ll accept my apologies, Flim. You may be a sentimentalist, but you’re far from being stupid. You are a brother of mine, after all.”

Flim mirrored the gesture. “I accept, and I’m sorry as well, Flam. I should have listened to you more carefully, and I promise to be a better brother from now on. After all, we’re in this together—”

“—always—”

“—and forever!”

Starlight’s eyes widened as the two brothers threw their hats in the air, swirled in unison, and burst into a song while flawlessly catching the falling headgear.

We’re in this together, always, and forever!
Always together, brothers side by side!
Though our life sometimes gets tough,
Where we’re from we’re sure enough,
Because we’re brothers, salesponies nonpareil!

We’re in this together, always, and forever!
Always together, brothers side by side!
Time for us to make a leave,
Prove the Apples they’re naive,
We’re Flim and Flam, the swindlers number one!

Not questioning why her customers’ visit had spontaneously combusted into a musical number, Starlight joined in.

You’re in this together, always, and forever!
Always together, brothers side by side!
Don’t get tricked into the thinking,
That you’re better than your sibling,
Because you’re equals, like everypony else!

Already at the door, Flim smiled ear to ear. “I didn’t know you could sing so well, Miss Glimmer!”

“Not better than anypony else,” Starlight replied, pointing to the first maxim once more. “After all, everypony is equal. I wish you good luck in your endeavors, gentlecolts!”

Tipping their hats, the two brothers left the store and got on their peculiar mode of locomotion parked outside. Starlight smiled, for once genuinely and not for show. Of all the things she had to leave behind in her old town, she missed the communal singing the most. Seeing all those ponies move and sing in perfect sync with one another was really something. Heartwarming, even.

She shook her head. There was no time for silly sentiments now. She checked the masking powder covering her real cutie mark, then returned behind the counter. She looked up. Here, the four wooden tablets displayed a maxim quite different from what her customers saw while entering the store. This sentence Starlight wanted to keep for herself, not only because it was the natural extension of all four, but also because it provided her with motivation to carry on with her ingenious plan of bringing Harmony to Equestria once and for all.

BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS

Author's Note

Hello there! Thank you for reading my story. I am no longer writing pony fiction, but if you want to support my current creative endeavor, check out my content on Twitch! :raritywink: