Twilight sat quietly, watching everything her friend did.
Fluttershy was humming a nameless happy tune, putting a bag of rabbit chow neatly away in a cupboard. Now she skipped lightly back to where Twilight was sitting in silence, and took her chair again.
Twilight took another sip of tea, tasting nothing. She tried to follow her friend's eyes as they gazed outside the window where birds sang and gulped down seeds from a feeder. She failed. The shy pony's gaze went beyond them, to a place she was not familiar with.
It was up to Twilight to find that place. Fluttershy had not been herself lately, and this day was the strangest and most painful of all. She had experienced this ominous, prickly feeling with Fluttershy before in flashes; this time it persisted. The distance across the kitchen table felt like a mile.
She was not looking forward to this.
"Rainbow Dash is asking a lot of questions," Twilight said when she had found her voice.
"Is she?"
"Yes. She wants to know why you weren't there."
The barest hint of irritation drifted across Fluttershy's face and then evened out, like a tiny ripple dissipating in a deep pool. "Oh, my. Well...I guess she would want to know that."
Her voice was as warm and serene as the afternoon sunlight. She poured a cup of the tea for herself and stuck her tongue out slightly to taste it. She gasped a little.
"It's hot."
"Fluttershy," Twilight said her name carefully. "What do you want me to tell her?"
The pegasus studied her teacup for a long moment, then answered with a question. "Do you think it hurt her feelings?"
Twilight didn't pull any punches. "Of course it did. You should know that."
"Then tell Rainbow what you think you should tell her. Make sure we're still friends. You're much better with that sort of thing than I am. You're so wise and gifted with words. If anypony can say something helpful about friendship, it's you!" Fluttershy gushed. "After all, you're the Princess of Friendship now, and we're still...just the way we are. I'm sure that--"
Twilight grimaced. She held up a hoof to silence her. Fluttershy shrugged and resumed her pleasant, meaningless smile.
"Gilda was one of her best friends," the young alicorn struggled to keep her voice steady. "Whoever, or whatever else she may have been to other ponies. If you weren't going to be there for her, just be there for Rainbow. That's the least you could have done!"
"That's not true," Fluttershy's back hooves chafed the floor with sudden restlessness. She looked out at the birds again, squabbling with each other for seeds. She mimicked the poking motions they made with their beaks. "The least I could have done was nothing."
Twilight stared at her and swallowed hard. She didn't know what to say to that.
"Right?" Blue-green eyes met her own and held.
She looked away. She couldn't take that cold, icy stare.
"Fluttershy, what's happened to you?"
"Nothing, of course."
"But this isn't you!"
"Oh, Twilight. You must be even smarter than I thought, to be able to know everything a pony is after just a few years. I really wish I had your confidence."
Twilight blushed deeply. "Listen. I didn't mean to..."
"Never mind!" Fluttershy giggled and jumped up from the table. "Hey. Let's go do something fun. Let's fly over Harry the Bear like we're going to feed him his lunch! He's so funny, the way he jumps up to get it over and over. You can help me, now that you have wings. Come on! Let's really drive him crazy."
Twilight's stomach turned. Fun? She had been to a funeral today. "No. I want you to come with me and apologize to Rainbow."
Fluttershy ignored the statement and sipped her tea.
"I mean it. I'll teleport us to Cloudsdale if I have to."
Without changing expression, Fluttershy reached up and closed the window. "Twilight, you say such silly things sometimes!" She leaned forward across the table and touched her front hooves with her own. "But...oh my goodness. I don't know if that's something a good friend would do."
"I don't understand what's wrong with you," Twilight lost her temper and pulled away in disgust. "If an animal gets hurt, you care. You feel everything for them! But Gilda--you met her. You talked to her. And now that she's gone, all you do is sit at home and feed your animals as if nothing's happened! How is that being kind?"
The speech should have reduced Fluttershy to tears, or at least to profuse apology. It did not. It was like all emotional pretenses had simply been deemed unnecessary and discarded. Instead she sighed and leaned back in her chair. Her expression bordered on pouting. "Oh, I'm not nearly as smart as you are, Twilight. But I don't suppose that's being very kind at all, is it?"
"Exactly! And how can you have the Element of Kindness if--"
"Does the Element of Kindness tell me who I have to be kind to, Twilight?" Fluttershy's tone was placatory, condescending, like she was talking to her pet bunny. "Does it?"
The princess squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head slowly.
"Does it care about how much kindness I have?"
"I...I don't know anymore, Fluttershy." I don't know you anymore either, she wanted to say.
"Does a piece of metal tell me I have to be just like all the other good little ponies and pretend to be sad about Gilda when she hated us?"
"But you're supposed to feel sad anyway," Twilight said plaintively. "You have to."
"She made me cry."
Twilight looked up, and for a moment the other pony's eyes seemed to be painted in the sockets. She had a horrible, gnawing feeling there was nothing behind them. At least, no one she knew.
"I won't cry for her anymore."
Twilight looked down at the table, at her saucer, at the floor. Anywhere but into that blank, empty face.
Fluttershy recovered quickly. She finished her cup. Her mane fell over her right eye and she reached up to fix it.
"Don't ever say her name to me again," she chirped happily.
"Please," Twilight's voice broke. She was begging now, not knowing how it had come to this. "Please just apologize to Rainbow Dash for not being there. Can't you at least do that?"
Silence fell again over the small kitchen.
"Yes. That's easy," Fluttershy said nonchalantly. She might have just agreed to trade a daisy sandwich for hay fries. "I guess we have a deal, then. Let's go see Rainbow right now! Um, if that's okay."
Twilight swallowed down the sick feeling that was rising in her chest. "Yes. That's okay."
They closed the front door of the cottage behind them. The tea began to grow cold.
Author's Note
Just an idea. I had to write it down and get it out of my head because it was scaring me.
