I discovered that fighting was partially baked into the body. We had all the skills that were on our sheet, it was just up to us to 'use' them. When the troll-like thing challenged us at the gates, I charged forward and stuck my lance through his gut and out the other end in an impressive shower of blood and viscera. Brad stomped out the little goblins in the courtyard beneath her hooves, laughing the entire time. We were actually having fun with it.

"Though entering the keep had proved little challenge so far, our lucky adventurers had no idea that they were being watched from above by a much more powerful presence."

Joe looked upwards quickly, but saw nothing there. "Uh, no offense, but now we know?"

Brad shrugged. "Box text, it never changes. Race you to the next floor." She shouldered the doors heading inside and vanished into the gloom.

"Joe, light me up." I pointed up at the helmet on my head. Joe tapped it with a hoof and a brief prayer, making it start glowing. With light ready, I flew through the open door to find Brad surrounded by diamond dogs. They were working her over good with clubs and maces. She could take one down with each tremendous hoof stomp, but there were a lot of them and they were organized.

"Big pony will pull lots gems at same time!" one cried jubilantly before he noticed me. "Look, another one!"

I moved to charge into the throng, but the largest of the dogs intercepted me, grabbing the lance halfway down its length and using it to roughly shove me to the ground. "Not going anywhere." He yanked the lance out of my saddle rack and tossed it aside.

I bounced back to my hooves and reared up, standing somewhat like a person normally does. "I can fight with or without that. You're just delaying things."

Joe suddenly burst in from outside. "In the name of the Sun Queen, we will win this day!" The effects of the prayer washed out over the room, emboldening us and sapping the dogs a little of their fighting spirit. Filled with new energy, I lashed out with a hoof and caught the big dog across the chin, ducking aside as he tried to return the favor.

Brad suddenly rolled over, crushing several dogs under her bulk before she rose back up, standing on them. "These guys are fucking jerks! A little help over here?"

I ducked under another swing and planted a hoof into the dog's sternum. "Working on it. I got the room boss over here." For my distraction, the dog suddenly lashed out with a quickly-drawn dagger, leaving a bloody wound on my barrel. It stung like hell! I spread my wings for balance and came in close to the dog, punching and flailing with a methodical punishment.

A spear suddenly appeared beside the large dog, glowing and ghost-like. It lowered its point at it and began to jab and thrust, wetly perforating flesh. The dog fell back, trying to ward off swinging hooves and the jabbing spear. It soon went down under out concentrated effort. "Thanks, Joe!"

Joe gave a salute before pointing his horn at the next dog, directing the spiritual weapon to its new prey. I was soon after it, tag-teaming the poor bastards one by one. With the biggest one down, it didn't take us long to clear the room of opposition. Brad moved up to Joe. "Heals, fuck, come on."

Joe raised a brow. "Maybe next time don't just charge in alone? That wasn't smart."

I joined them after reclaiming my lance. "I could use a little too. Big dog got a lucky hit in, might have been a critical. Hurts like a bitch."

Joe let out an exasperated sigh before he turned his sun-styled cutie mark towards us. "Bask in the warmth of the Sun Queen!" A wave of positive energy washed out over us and the pain fled before it. "Seriously though, that was shit tactics."

Brad snorted. "Says the guy waving his ass at me. That wasn't enough, more."

I sided on Joe on this one. "We should have scouted the room before just charging in. We can't expect to outlevel everything in here. Also, cut the crap. He's the one with the heals, unless you like bleeding."

Joe nodded at that. "Yeah! I don't have to heal you." Despite the words, Joe did reach out a hoof to Brad. "Rest easy in Her warmth, and be whole."

Brad looked almost good as new, and shook herself out. "Much better! Yo, Paul, what's up with the douche patrol?"

"Why do you seem surprised? Monsters, dungeon. You know the drill. I set them up, you knock them down and claim the rewards."

I lifted a hoof. "Speaking of which! Joe, check for magic."

"Good idea." Joe cast a quick spell and looked around slowly. "This is way trippier than we play it as... It's like predator vision, but it's all yellow until I stop moving, then it resses in." He advanced on the big dog and nudged it over, then with a flash of his horn he yanked off one of his rings. "Magic!" Then a potion came free. "Magic! So... how do I identify them?"

I shrugged. "Your character had spellcraft, right?"

"Sure. +12 or close to it." Joe tilted his head. "How do I use it?"

Brad snorted loudly. "Stare at it. Maybe a little sign will pop up or something."

Joe held up the ring and stared at it intensely for about half a minute before he nodded. "I think it's for jumping. Just a hunch. How do we use a ring? None of us have fingers."

I held up a hoof. "Try putting it on me anyway." He did so, and the ring expanded out on contact, easily slipping over and becoming an ankle bracelet of sorts. "See? Easy."

Brad snorted softly. "You're a pegasus, what do you need to jump better for?"

I couldn't argue the logic. "Well, yeah, guess I can fly. You want it?"

"Lame."

The ring went to Joe, who tested it with a few spritely jumps into the air. "It's not moonwalking. It's like having little springs in your shoes."

We weren't wearing shoes, but the idea was clear enough. I looked to the stairs. "Ready to move on? We have a boss to smash."

We went up the stairs in formation, coming up into what appeared to be a church of sorts, with iconography of Celestia and Luna all about. A stained glass window showed Celestia and Luna facing each other, horns touching and wings spread. A robed figure stood before the altar, facing us, though their features were hidden by the cowl. They spoke in a deep and ominous voice that I recognized as Paul's 'spooky voice'. "You've made it to me. I thought this new world would have disoriented you more. No matter. I cannot allow champions of Everglow to get in the way of my plans to conquer this peaceful realm." He flung his robe aside, revealing a human with a glowing sword of light held in two hands.

Brad snorted derisively. "Really? We're fighting a fucking Jedi or something? Come on, Paul. You can do better than that." Her words came up short as the figure rushed her, carving her with the smell of burning horse meat. Brad cursed up a storm as she fell back.

I rose into the air, lance ready. "Treat him with all the respect a boss is due and stop shitting around." I lunged forward as Joe spoke a new prayer and I felt my movements growing more certain. I drove the lance deep into the bastard's shin, but he wrenched his leg away then cut with that light sword of his, catching a wing painfully and making flying an agonizing task.

"By the forces of harmony, I strike thee away!" Joe launched a sudden avalanche of rainbows across the room. They stung and burned as they passed through me, and the human looked similarly pained, but Brad howled with a renewed agony, stunned in pain. "Well, Brad's chaotic, good to know."

The human laughed at us. "What incompetents. I'll be sure to note that on your grave markers." He swirled the sword around before lunging at the stunned Brad, sending her toppling to the ground as that awful smell got stronger. "It's not too late. Join me, and we can conquer this place. They don't even know what true war is. They will fall like wheat before us!" The window behind him suddenly exploded inwards as Bed Time came crashing through it.

She charged at the human. "You can't kill them! They're my only customers!"

"What?" He didn't get a chance to say much more as she began boxing him with flailing hooves.

Not wanting to pass up a chance when I saw it, I jabbed the jerk right in the back while he was distracted. "We're not interested in your schemes. Go back to Everglow and rot!"

Joe rushed across the room, casting a healing spell on Brad, who woke up with a spasm. "Fucking shit and fuck!"

The human pressed on Bed Time, scoring her hide with burn marks, but she bore them with surprising stoicism. To put it bluntly, she was being a true badass, and I felt a new respect for her. With Brad rejoining the battle, the odds were stacked in our favor.

"As the heroes pressed the evil mastermind, he decided discretion was the better part of valor. With a sudden flash." The room lit up brightly. "He was gone." When the light faded, there was no sign of the boss anywhere to be seen. "They had won, for the moment."

Bed Time looked around with confusion. "Did any of you hear that?"

"Huh? You heard me?"

"There it is again!" Bed Time circled around again, trying to find Paul.

Joe approached Bed Time as he let his healing energies wash over us. "Calm down. Thanks for coming for us. I... Did you climb up the side of the castle?"

"Maybe... I thought you were in danger." Bed Time scuffed at the ground lightly. "I didn't mean to get in the way."

I shook my head quickly. "You didn't, thanks!"

Suddenly everything changed. I was sitting in the chair I was in before, back at the game table. My figure was moved. We were on a new map, the church map.

"Oh my Celestia, what happened?!" I looked up at the voice to see a naked woman in one of the open chairs. Her eyes were wide and she was shaking like a leaf. We were home, and we had company.

Author's Note

End Arc 1! The plot, it thickens!

Typos get thicker with the plot, watch out for that.