If Horses Had Godsby PonkyChaptersChapter OneChapter TwoChapter ThreeChapter FourChapter SixChapter FiveChapter One“Applejack,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” Applejack hacked once again at the trunk and spit out the handle, leaving the ax half-embedded in the splintery wood. "Beg yer pardon?" Twilight looked down and away. "I asked if you believe in God," she said again. A little smile jumped to Applejack's mouth. "Well, sure I do, sugarcube." She took up the ax in her teeth and gave a few more precise chops. The tree creaked a little and bent away from Twilight. Applejack moved as if to strike again, but then her brow furrowed and she dropped the ax on the ground. "Is that all you came by to ask me?" Twilight still wouldn't meet her eyes. "Well, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I was hoping for a little more explanation, maybe?" "Explanation?" Applejack tilted her head, her hat sliding over a sweat-dampened mane. "I don't follow, Twilight. Why the sudden interest in religion?" "Well, we don't talk about it much, do we?" Twilight asked. "I mean... okay, the other day I was reorganizing the books in the castle's library. I'm trying to improve on mistakes made early on in Golden Oaks' system that just couldn't be salvaged by the time I moved in. Anyway, I found this whole section of religious texts I've never even seen before, and I realized that solid concepts of deity have practically disappeared from Equestrian culture. Back before the union of the tribes, each faction was largely founded on their ideas of the divine, but nowadays it's unheard of, not even as myth." "Whatcha gettin' at, Twi?" Applejack asked. "Well... why do you believe in God?" Twilight asked, finally making eye contact, her face scrunched with sincerity. Applejack chuckled. "Can't say I've rightly thought about that. But it's a good question. Hmmm..." She put a hoof to her chin. "Maybe," Twilight suggested, "it would be easier if, first, you explained to me... uh... what it is that you believe exactly?" After a pause, another kind of laugh blew through Applejack's nostrils. "Well, all right, then. I'll tell ya. But first can I finish choppin' down this tree?" She lifted the ax with a hoof. "It'll give me time to formulate a proper answer, anyhow." Twilight nodded and then watched patiently as Applejack whacked the crumbling trunk over and over until, with a long cracking sound, it twisted and fell. "Why are you cutting it down?" she asked. "Got sick," she explained. "Unfortunately not all tree diseases can be cured with a bit more care 'n' relocation." "That's too bad," Twilight said, frowning. Applejack shrugged. "When I was a filly I used to think o' the trees as ponies," she said. "Shucks, I still do, sometimes. Remember Bloomberg?" Twilight laughed. "Wow, that seems like such a long time ago." "That's 'cause it was, Twi. I remember it used to bother me a lot when trees had to be chopped down or uprooted or the like. I talked to Pa about it once. I asked him if the trees felt any pain when they got the ax." She picked up the blade and lodged it into the new stump. "He said 'Nope. Trees don't feel nothin'.' And that satisfied me." Twilight giggled. "Well, you were easy to convince." "I believed everything my Pa told me," Applejack said. She looked up and hummed to herself. "Matter'o'fact, it was him that told me about God." "Really?" Applejack sighed and nodded. "See, my parents... well, shucks, Twi, I don't usually talk about this kinda stuff." "Oh, I'm sorry," Twilight said, stepping back. "You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, Applejack." "No, not like that. It's just that it's... hard to think back on sometimes." She cleared her throat and adjusted her hat. "Let's take a walk. I'll tell ya." They left the fallen tree and began to trot through the orchards. "Big Mac'll come move it before sunset," Applejack said, glancing at the big blue sky. "So your father told you about God?" Twilight asked after a long silence. "Yup," Applejack said. "He and Ma... well, they got real sick. Not sure if I've ever toldja." "No, you haven't," Twilight said quietly. "I've always wondered, though." "Yeah. I don't like ta..." She cleared her throat again. "Anyway, we had to keep 'em in separate rooms fer a while 'cause they'd get too hot and really suffer if they were together. So one time Macintosh was carin' fer Ma and I was in the room with Pa, dabbin' his head with a cloth and all. Then he sorta wakes up real quick and looks at me all worried-like." She gulped. "I already knew, but... I dunno, that look still haunts me." "Knew what?" "That he was almost gone," she said. "He started tellin' me what to do fer Mama when he left, and details about the farm I'd need to know to run the place. I guess he knew I'd be the one to take over. Ha! Big Mac's a strong feller, but he never was the leader sort. Anyway, I... I didn't take it quite as strong as I should've. I started to cry and he sorta reached his foreleg up around my neck. I just laid on his chest." She sniffled and rubbed the back of her mane. Twilight had already stopped trotting, wiping a tear from her eye. "Applejack..." she said. "It's okay, Twi. It was a long time ago." "How old were you?" "Younger'n Apple Bloom. I didn't have my Cutie Mark yet." "Oh, gosh..." "Now don't make me cry any more'n I have to," Applejack said with a wry smirk. She coughed for the third time and kept trotting. Twilight followed at her side. "That's when he told me," Applejack continued, "that after ponies die, they go to heaven to wait fer their families. He described it to me, this heaven place. He said it was like Cloudsdale, but brighter, and you didn't need wings to walk around in it. He told me that everypony has a body and a soul, and that even though the body might die and decompose like a fallen apple, the soul lives on ferever. That was the difference between a tree and a pony, see? That's what he told me. Ponies have souls." "I like that," Twilight said, though there was a wince in her expression. "He didn't die just yet. Had a few days left in him. And I kept askin' questions about heaven." She laughed. "It's funny. I'm not sure how much he really believed and how much he just made up on the spot. But, either way, when I asked about who made heaven, he told me about God. Now I'd asked where trees came from and babies, when Apple Bloom came around, and they always told me that God created everything, but I'd never really thought about what that meant until Pa got to the end. I asked him all kinds o' questions, and he painted this picture in my head of a big white Alicorn with blue eyes and a mane like the clouds who loved to hug ya and cared about'cha and answered all yer prayers." Twilight's ears perked up. "Prayers?" "Yeah, y'know, talkin' to God." She grinned. "Pa prayed a lot, I remember. Over meals, when harvest started, grateful prayers when harvest ended. Huh... I reckon he was more religious than I've realized." "Do you pray?" Twilight asked. "Not often," Applejack admitted. "But I used to. After Ma and Pa died especially, I prayed every night with Granny and the family. We'd ask God to tell Ma and Pa that we missed 'em and... heheh... gave a sort o' report about how things were goin' on the farm. We reckon Pa'd wanna know." Twilight laughed. "That's so sweet." "Yeah, it was." Applejack sighed and stopped at the top of a hill. They watched the sun creep toward the horizon for a while. "So that's what you believe, then?" Twilight asked. "That God is a big white Alicorn who lives in heaven and answers prayers?" Applejack took off her hat. "Ha! Well, I can't truly say I believe any of that, Twilight. But I do believe there's Somepony out there, Somepony with more magic than all o' the Princesses combined. No offense." "None taken," Twilight said. "I think Somepony created the world, and I think He loves us." She smiled and turned to her friend. "I do believe that my parents are in heaven, Twilight, and I think I'll see 'em again." Twilight nodded. "That's beautiful, Applejack. Thank you for telling me." "Sure thing, sugarcube." She put her hat back on and crossed her forehooves. "Now, if you don't mind me askin' it back, what exactly does the Princess of Friendship believe about God?" A brief look, a long sigh, and Twilight answered, "I don't know yet." Chapter Two“Rainbow Dash,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” "Heck no!" Rainbow said, opening one eye to glare at Twilight. "What kind of question is that?" Twilight blinked. "Uhh... a curious one?" "Pff." Rainbow cracked her neck and stood on the tiny cloud, facing the airborne Twilight with a half-lidded expression. "No, Twilight, I don't believe in God." "Why not?" Twilight asked. Rainbow guffawed. "Because that's just like the Tooth Breezie or telling kids that the ghosts of Clover the Clever and whoever else bring gifts on Hearth's Warming Eve! God's just a myth to help kids feel better when their pets die." "Rainbow!" Twilight said. "That's not very nice." "Well, it's true!" Rainbow said, eyes wide. "Why? Do you believe in God?" Twilight fidgeted in the air. "Ugh. I don't really know yet. I asked Applejack and--" "Ha! Lemme guess, AJ believes in a big white Alicorn with a cloud-beard that talks to ponykind through the Holy Spirit or something." "Uhhh... she didn't say anything about a Holy Spirit. Or cloud-beards." Rainbow laughed and shook her head. "Twilight," she began, jumping off the cloud and flying lazy circles around the Princess, "you can't expect somepony like Applejack to tell you what's true about God. She's had, like, tragedy in her life and stuff. Ponies like that need to believe in God and heaven and whatever else." "You think so?" "Oh yeah, for sure. At the least the weak ones." "Applejack is not weak!" Twilight argued. "She's the strongest pony I know." "Uh, besides me!" Rainbow said. She sighed and hovered at Twilight's side. "Look, Twi, I don't mean to burst any kinda feelings bubble you got from your conversation with Applejack, but believe me: there's no such thing as God." Rainbow sped away. Twilight frowned and tried to follow. "Then where did everything come from?" "Huh?" Rainbow asked, glancing over her shoulder. Twilight swung her hooves at the ground. "Everything! The world, life itself, magic... where did it all come from?" "You said it yourself, Twilight," Rainbow called. "Magic! You can create stuff, can't you?" "Well, not out of nothing," Twilight said. Rainbow slowed down enough for her to catch up. "Magic is more about reorganization than creation." "Well, then, that happened," Rainbow said with a shrug. "There was a bunch of stuff floating around, and then bang! Magic organized it." "That doesn't make any sense," Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Things don't just get organized. There's entropy and natural law and decay." "Around here, maybe," Rainbow said, "but who's to say there's not some, I dunno, alternate dimension that exists to counteract entropy? Maybe everything started there and floated over here and then, poof, life happened along the way." Twilight stared at her. "Alternate dimension?" "I dunno! That's a theory I've had since I met Pinkie Pie." Twilight laughed. "And then Discord proved it." "Ha ha ha! Oh, Rainbow Dash. So you really don't think there's a God?" "Not a chance!" They suddenly arrived at Rainbow's cloudhouse. Twilight landed awkwardly on the porch while Rainbow unlocked the front door. "You wanna come in?" "Sure," Twilight said. "It looks bigger than it used to be," she noted as she walked through the doorway. "I've made some adjustments over the years," Rainbow said. "It's pretty easy, actually. All you need are clouds." Twilight giggled. "I just don't get it. If you don't believe in God, what do you believe in?" "Nothing." Rainbow leapt onto a large cloud-couch and stretched herself out. "Nothing?" Twilight squinted. "Absolutely nothing." "You can't believe in nothing, Rainbow." "Sure I can. It's called nihilism." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Rainbow, that's not believing in nothing." "It is too! I learned about it at college." Twilight tilted her head. "You went to college?" "Pssh. Yeah, duh! How do you think I got so smart?" Rainbow leapt from the couch and flew into another room. Seconds later she came back with a rolled up diploma in one hoof and a blue graduation cap in the other. "See? You're looking at a graduate of the Cloudsdale College of Meteorology." "Wow! Rainbow, that's fantastic. I'm so proud of you." "Ah, stop it," Rainbow said, flicking her hoof at the joint. "It's nothin', really. Anyway, my first year there I had to take this philosophy class. I thought I was gonna hate it, but it ended up being awesome. The professor was really loud and lively. We learned about all these different ways to, like, think about stuff." "Wow," Twilight said, smirking. "I didn't read the textbooks much, but one of the writers we talked about really spoke to me," Rainbow continued. "Freerich Neightzsche. You heard of him?" "Of course." "Good. From hearing about his stuff I found out that the world is basically just a big illusion, and everything came from nothing and will go back to nothing. Eventually. But we don't have to worry about that, because we're alive!" She beamed. "We're living between the Nothings, see? So it's our privilege and our duty to, like, live the heck out of life." She flew around the room. "None of this morality junk or religion or anything that holds us back. The key is to live however we wanna live as if the world is ending, because it pretty much is. All the time." Twilight was unimpressed. "Rainbow, Neightzsche criticized nihilism. He called it dangerous." "Yeah, well, he wasn't perfect." Rainbow Dash set down her cap and diploma and returned to the couch. "The way I see it, Twilight, life is like a flash of lightning. The only way we're gonna enjoy it is if we move as fast as it does." "It's impossible to move at the speed of light, Rainbow Dash," Twilight reminded her. "You know what I mean." "Not really." "Okay, look." Rainbow sat up and stared directly at her concerned friend. "You don't have to be a nihilist, but don't believe in God. There's no such thing, and the only thing a belief in God does is hold you back from having fun for fear of not getting to heaven." "What are you talking about?" "Didn't Applejack tell you about hell?" "What's hell?" "Hell is like... Tartarus, basically. But for dead ponies. If there's a God, they say that good ponies die and go to heaven, but bad ponies die and go to hell. It's, like, eternal punishment or something." Twilight's jaw dropped. "That's awful! Applejack didn't say anything about that." "Well, it doesn't make sense for the bad guys to go to heaven, does it?" "I guess not..." "Exactly! In fact, none of it makes sense, because it's not true." Rainbow tossed her mane. "There isn't a heaven, there isn't a hell, and there isn't a God. There's just you, and you get to make your own choices without any guilt or weird Cloudicorn who only talks through prayer and soul-whispers." "Living without morals doesn't seem very conducive to friendship," Twilight said softly. "No, not without morals. Ugh, Twilight, I thought you said you knew this stuff." Rainbow slid a hoof down her face. "You can have all the morals you want, but that's the point: they're your morals. Nopony else is telling you what to do or not to do. It's about, like, tolerance and stuff. It's the only way friendship works. The six of us, we're totally different. We all believe different things, we like different things, and we probably want very different things. But it still works, because there's no God hovering above us saying Applejack's right and Twilight's wrong. You get to believe whatever you want, let everypony else believe what they want, and we all skip around merrily for as long as we can until the Nothingness decides it's sick of the universe and settles back in." "That's..." Twilight struggled. "Kind of sad, Rainbow. That last part, anyway. But the friendship part makes sense." "Hey, the truth hurts," Rainbow said with another shrug. "So, are you gonna believe Applejack and worry about hell for the rest of your life, or are you gonna join me and Neightzsche and do whatever you want?" Twilight sighed. Her lungs felt heavy. "I don't know yet. I'll have to think about it." "Just don't pray about it," Rainbow said with a wink. Chapter Three“Rarity,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” "God, dear?" Rarity repeated, sliding a green vest over a skinny ponnequin. "However do you mean?" "You know. Do you believe in a higher power? A... an immortal pony that created everything?" Rarity gave Twilight an amused look. "Oh, Twilight, surely you must be joking." "Huh?" Rarity tittered a high pitched laugh. "Twilight, stop it! I'm in the zone, can't you see? I've no time for silly jokes." "I'm not joking, Rarity," Twilight said, her face twisted. "I'm serious. I just want to know if you believe in God." Rarity's expression changed the longer she eyed Twilight. "My goodness, you really aren't joking! You really don't know, do you?" "How could I know, Rarity? I'm asking for your opinion, what you believe, and this is something we've never talked about before." Rarity's magic set everything down and her horn stopped glowing. "My darling Twilight, we've never talked about it because I thought it went quite unsaid. Perhaps I was wrong." "Wrong about what?" Twilight's eye twitched. "Look, Rarity, I'm already frazzled enough from my conversations with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Will you just tell me what you believe so I can go home and think about it?" "It's not what I believe that matters, Twilight. It is the truth that governs this world." "Yes, well, that's exactly what I'm trying to get at." "And you... don't feel that you've already found the answer?" Rarity blinked above an innocent smile. "No! Everypony thinks something different." "Do they now?" Rarity raised her eyebrows and looked away. "Well, honestly, I don't think there's a question about it." "So you do believe or don't believe in God?" Twilight asked. Rarity paused. "Define god." Twilight grunted. "A distant, invisible pony who created the world, watches over us, has some degree of influence in our lives, responds to prayer... somehow, and assigns us to heaven or hell when we die." Rarity blanched. "Goodness, Twilight! No, if that's your definition, I certainly do not believe in God." "Oh. Well, what do you believe in?" A whimsical, almost skeptical smile pulled at Rarity's face. "I still can't believe you're not joking!" "Rarity! Just tell me!" "Alicorns, Twilight!" Rarity said. Twilight Sparkle was silent. "Wh-what?" "If we're talking about immortal beings who govern creation and existence," Rarity said, "then the answer is obviously Alicorns." Twilight's head began to shake. "No." "Well, why not, darling? Think about it. What did the ponies of the past worship? The Sun, the Moon, the celestial bodies. Do you think it's because they were pretty? No, of course not! They knew what--or rather who--had set the sky in motion, and they used their own magic and skills to continue the cycles while waiting for their gods to return. Isn't that what the ancient legends say?" "No," Twilight said again, more to the air than to Rarity. "So it's only sensible to deduce that Celestia and Luna--and perhaps others--created this world and all the life in it, and then left it to a period of self-preservation, probably while off creating other worlds or visiting pre-established ones--" "No, no." "--then returned, had a little falling out, and then... well, you know." Twilight stared at her. "Then what, Rarity?" The unicorn smiled. "Why, Celestia chose you, of course." Twilight's knees buckled. She nearly fell to the floor of the boutique. Rarity stepped forward. "I thought you knew, Twilight! I honestly thought this was all common knowledge. Obviously gods are not perfect creatures, seeing what happened to Luna--" "Rarity, stop." "--but they are immortal, and so the only way to ensure the continuance of life is to continue the cycle of righteous godhood." "Stop it!" "Twilight, calm yourself! There's nothing horrible about any of this. In fact, I think it's wonderful! One day when all of us are gone, you'll probably join them in the stars and create planets and suns and life of your own!" "Gaaaahhhh!" Twilight screamed and, in a flash of light, teleported out of sight. Rarity blinked a few times. "Oh, dear. Did I say something?" Chapter Four“Fluttershy,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” Fluttershy's eyes widened at the shivering pony at her doorstep. "Um... maybe you should come in, Twilight," she said. Twilight nodded and hurried inside to lay herself out on the long green couch. Fluttershy took the cushioned chair adjacent. Angel jumped into the chair and curled up against her wing. "What did you ask me, Twilight?" Fluttershy said. "I asked if you believe in God," Twilight said. "Or, more specifically, what kind of God do you believe in?" "Oh, goodness." Fluttershy sighed. "That's a very interesting question, Twilight. What brings it up?" "I found several books on ancient worship in pre-Equestrian culture," she explained, "and wondered why nopony talks about God anymore. I started asking our friends what they believed." She groaned and covered her face. "Now I know why nopony talks about it." Fluttershy was quiet until Twilight spoke again. "So I just wanted to ask you," she said. "You're a kind, quiet, sensible pony, Fluttershy. Where do you think everything came from? Who created all of this? The forest, and ponies, and all your animals?" "Oh. Well..." Fluttershy smiled. "I don't believe in creation so much as transformation." Twilight sat up. "What do you mean?" "I think everything has always existed, Twilight," Fluttershy explained, stroking Angel's little head. "The universe is eternal. Heehee... I always thought universe was a funny word." Turning herself on the couch to face Fluttershy, Twilight clarified. "So you think that... matter is eternal?" "And infinite," Fluttershy said. "I know it's hard to comprehend the way we are right now, but it doesn't have to be a distressing thought. Actually, I find eternity to be very comforting." "In what way?" "If all this is eternal--if nothing has beginning or end--that means we don't ever really lose anything. It just transforms. We see it in nature all the time. An apple falls from the tree, it rots into the ground, the soil absorbs the nutrients, and it gets sent back up through the roots to feed new fruit." She closed her eyes in a peaceful smile. "Everything has a cycle, Twilight. Day and night, sea and rain, life and death." "You think life and death is a cycle?" Twilight asked. "Seems to me like it just... starts and ends." "Bodies begin and end, yes," Fluttershy said. "But I believe that everypony has a soul." "Applejack said the same thing," Twilight remembered. "She thinks the soul of a pony is immortal and goes to heaven when the body dies." "Oh, that's a lovely thought," Fluttershy said, sighing happily. "Do you believe that, too?" "No," Fluttershy said simply. She tilted her head to sway her mane out of her face. "I don't really think there's the soul of a pony and the soul of a bunny and the soul of a star. I think we're all the same thing on the inside." Twilight's eyes widened. "Really?" "Oh, yes. I've spent enough time with animals to see they're just as alive and intelligent and curious as we are. They just have less means of expressing it. Their purpose is different." "Purpose?" Twilight smiled. "Do you think everything has a purpose?" "Most definitely!" Fluttershy said. "I believe that we, too, go through many cycles. Every time the body dies, our soul goes to a new one and lives another life. We learn that way. We get many different experiences and contribute to beauty and existence from hundreds, maybe thousands of different perspectives." "So you think we all become animals when we die?" "Maybe we've already been animals. In fact, I'd say it's very likely. We are just as eternal as the matter we get to control, life after life. But it's not always animals, Twilight. I think once I was a tree." She smiled again and let out a soft sigh. "Maybe I'll get to be a star someday. Or a mountain." "I bet Pinkie Pie knows somepony else who would like to be a rock," Twilight said. They both giggled. "I'm not saying I remember any lives before this one," Fluttershy said, almost as an afterthought. "Perhaps we're going through lots of different lives in preparation for something greater. Maybe, once we learn all we can from each life, our souls go someplace else to use what we have learned." Twilight was nodding. "That's a beautiful belief, Fluttershy." "If it's true, then we ought to treat each other--and nature--much better than most ponies do," she added. "We should try to identify our inner self: the true, eternal part of us, and let it govern our choices and interactions with other souls. We must learn to be aware of what is in our control and what it is not. When that becomes clear, life gets very... hmmm... peaceful." "I can imagine," Twilight said. "I don't do as well as I should, believing like this," Fluttershy said, looking at the floor. "Sometimes I get very angry and forget to let go of what I can't control. It helps to meditate." "Like, sit and think about it?" "Well, more like not think about it." Fluttershy giggled again. "The key to meditation is removing everything that stands between your consciousness and your soul, the eternal part of you. Usually there are so many filters, and thoughts are one of them." Twilight frowned. "So, you're saying it's bad to think?" "Oh, no, of course not. Thinking is the one of the greatest tools we have in life, Twilight. Meditation serves to teach us that we are in control of our thoughts, and not the other way around. During meditation, I try not to focus on any one thought. I pay attention to the way I breathe and where I feel energy entering and exiting my body." "Energy? Like, magic?" "Heehee... it's hard to explain. I guess it feels like light. Inner light." "Huh..." Twilight rubbed her hooves together. "I don't think I've ever experienced that before." "If you'd like, you could come over during one of my meditation sessions." Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You have sessions?" "It usually takes quite a long time. I'll let you know. You're welcome to come. I usually prepare a kettle of spice tea to enjoy afterward. There's something very special about tea." Something settled in Twilight's chest. "Wow, Fluttershy. I really like that." "How do you feel?" After a deep breath and a small smile, Twilight answered, "Better. Good." "Our feelings are very important, Twilight. Emotion is a common thread in many forms of life. We all seek happiness, and it comes to those who are aware of what's around them, who make the good choices they can and leave alone that which is out of their control." "Huh. That makes sense," Twilight said. "So, to be clear, you don't believe in God, then?" "Hmmm... well, I wouldn't say that." Fluttershy swished her tail. "Perhaps there is Someone who directs the whole thing, assigning each soul to their next body, shaping the lessons they learn in each life. I really don't know. But in my opinion, the universe is taking care of itself. It is a soul of its own, something we are each a part of, and it sustains life and harmony as effortlessly as a sparrow sings." Twilight frowned. "Well... what about when bad stuff happens, Fluttershy? We've seen a lot of bad ponies and other creatures do a lot of bad things. Where does that fit into all this peacefulness?" "Not all souls are aware, Twilight," Fluttershy said in a colder voice. "Most souls, I think, get caught up in their present lives, seeking for personal gain and power. They don't realize that the true power lies in understanding the cycles. The true power belongs to the universe, and in a sense that means it already belongs to us. Bad ponies, in my experience, are only trying to take more than their share. They are trying to increase what is in their control. That's not the way it's supposed to be. If each pony, rock, snail, bear, and tree lived according to its nature, the harmony would be endless." "Some might say it is in a pony's nature to seek more power and control," Twilight noted. "Ah, yes, but I'm not talking about a pony's nature." She grinned and looked directly into Twilight's eyes. "Our souls know how to preserve the balance. It is natural, to our eternal selves, to give and be kind. Only the filters of our different bodies lead to greed, selfishness, and harm." There was a long, warm silence after that. "I would really like to believe this," Twilight said. "You get to decide what you believe," Fluttershy cooed. "It's all part of life. If you ask me, I'd say you're on a very good path." Twilight's wings twitched and she looked away. "Fluttershy... you said that life and death is a cycle, right?" "Yes." "Well... what happens if you can't die?" "Alicorns die, Twilight." Twilight's eyes snapped back to her friend's. "What?" Fluttershy nodded slowly. "Matter is eternal, but it does not stay still for long. It might take you longer than the rest of us, but you will eventually learn all you can from this life and move on to another." Tears colored with a dozen emotions lined the bottom of Twilight's eyes. "Do you really think so?" "I do," Fluttershy said. "Heehee. Maybe, Twilight, you and I will meet again in another life. Maybe we'll be two neighboring trees in somepony's orchard." Twilight smiled. "Or two rocks at the top of a mountain." "Or two bunnies. Doing whatever bunnies do." Angel grimaced and slapped Fluttershy's feathers. The ponies just laughed. Chapter Six“Princess Celestia,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” Celestia looked up from a scroll on the table and stared at Twilight above crystalline spectacles. "Yes," she said. Twilight's lip began to quiver. "Oohhhh... I was worried you'd say that!" Celestia's magic set the glasses on the table beside the scroll. She raised her head and eyed her former pupil with a mix of suspicion and concern. "I'm afraid I don't follow, Princess Twilight." "Oh, forget it." Twilight turned around and started shuffling out of the Canterlot library. "Twilight, you've been standing there for five minutes after arriving to the castle entirely unannounced," Celestia said. Her tone was firm, but not angry. "I expect an explanation." When Twilight turned around, her eyes were already brimming with tears. "I just don't know what to believe." "Oh, Twilight..." Celestia trotted around the large library desk. "Tell me everything. Start from the beginning." Twilight bit her lip, but the tension in her shoulders melted when Celestia stood at her side and wrapped one majestic wing around her entire frame. With a deep breath, Twilight nodded and began to speak. "I was with Spike in the Ponyville Castle," she said. "We were admiring the new chandelier, the one I wrote to you about, and reminiscing on old times we've had with our friends. And then Spike said something about... wishing it could last forever. A perpetual moment, I think he said. And suddenly it dawned on me that... that Spike and I will outlive all of our friends." She choked. "And their children. And their children's children. And then one day I'll... I'll outlive Spike and... and..." "Surely you've contemplated this before, Twilight," Celestia said. "You've spent much of your life among immortality." "Well, yes, but it never hit me. Not that hard." She sniffed and continued. "I started to cry and told Spike how I was feeling, and he started trying to comfort me with dragon stories of an afterlife and that our friends will live on and watch us forever and mourn with us when we fail and rejoice with us when we succeed. It all seemed so silly. I asked him what he was talking about, and he told me about the gods and religions of dragon culture he'd learned in some of the new books. "So I went through the library--I'd already been organizing a new system--and found several volumes documenting ancient pony religions. There were churches and temples and rites of worship and prayer and sacrifice and--" She shook her head. "And it all just vanished. It all stopped--as soon as you and Luna arrived." Celestia made no response. "But there's all this... leftover notion that I didn't even know about. Family traditions and famous philosophy have pulled ponykind's faith in every direction. And I guess I realized that... well, I didn't have any faith at all! I don't believe in anything, one way or the other. I just don't know." "Some ponies choose exactly that as their belief," Celestia hummed. "No, I'm not talking about agnosticism. I'm talking about downright confusion, Princess. I was so confused." Celestia chuckled. "You think too much, Twilight Sparkle." "I know... and on that very note, I started to wonder what each of my friends believed. I thought surely they could help me resolve whatever crisis I had stumbled into." "And did you ask them?" "Yes." "And?" Twilight began to tremble. "Applejack believes in a fatherly God who watches over everypony and answers prayer and brings them to heaven when they die, Fluttershy believes we're all eternal souls cycling through lives to fulfill purpose and gain experience and peace, Pinkie Pie believes in God for no reason but to be happy--" Celestia giggled. "--Rainbow Dash believes that the universe came from nothing and will go back to nothing and we have to live according to our own morals and desires while we can, and Rarity..." Twilight clenched her jaw and held in tears. "Rarity thinks you and I are gods!" Celestia let her cry. "I'm not a gaaawwwd!" Twilight wailed, crumpling in the larger Alicorn's grasp. "I'm not a god! I'm just... I'm just me..." After a few heavy sobs, Twilight composed herself and hung her head, gasping and sniffling under Celestia's wing. "Did you inquire of anypony else?" Celestia asked. "Uh... no," Twilight said softly. "Oh, that's too bad," Celestia said. "I would have liked to hear what the owners of that lovely bakery believe." Twilight looked up. "Mister and Missus Cake?" "Or that musician who spends all her time with the candy maker." "Lyra Heartstrings?" "Or the mayor. I bet her views are fascinating." Twilight blinked hard. "Celestia, what are you getting at?" The Princess of the Sun gave a small but brilliant smile. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, you have experienced firsthoof that no two ponies believe exactly the same things." "Of course they do!" Twilight argued. "I'm sure the whole Apple Family agrees that Applejack's parents went to heaven." "Perhaps," Celestia said. "Perhaps not. But none of them believe exactly the same things. Even among the most organized of religions, its members must meet and converse frequently to discuss details of doctrine. There is just so much to understand, Twilight, that it is virtually impossible for two intelligent creatures to share exactly the same beliefs. Our experiences and perspectives are too hugely varied. There will always be differences, large or small." Twilight's brow had creased. "Well, what's true, then? You said you believe in God. Is there a God or isn't there?" "That entirely depends on what you mean by God, Twilight," Celestia said. "Yes, of course there is a God. But that's not the important question, is it? In each of your friends' beliefs, there is a God: a creator, a designer, an organizer, a great force of direction and intelligence, whether that god lives in heaven, takes part in the cycles, or clears the skies of Ponyville." Twilight let out a choked laugh. "What's true, then? That is an important question, Princess Twilight. Perhaps it is the most important question. Another way to phrase it is, What matters?" "That's not necessarily correct," Twilight immediately said. "Something can be true and not matter at all." "Really?" Celestia smiled again, wider this time. "That's a very interesting belief, Twilight Sparkle." Twilight was speechless, running her own words over in her head. "As you've recently realized, you have a long, long time to consider these things. Much longer than most rational creatures. The only thing I can promise you is that you will find answers. The seeker always finds. That is a belief shared across many lines." "I'm not sure I believe it," Twilight said. "It feels like I'll never decide. There are just too many options, too many ideas that ponies I care about hold to so firmly." "It is difficult, Twilight. I am not denying that." Celestia's wing pulled tighter. "I am simply telling you not to worry so much. Continue to think, continue to study, continue to ask questions and learn new things and measure how you feel. But don't worry about what you believe anymore. All you need to succeed here is to keep trying. Don't give up, and you'll get an answer." "From where?" Twilight asked. Her face broke into a pained smile and she pointed upward. "From God?" "Maybe," Celestia said, grinning with her. "Or from here." She placed a hoof on Twilight's chest. "Or here." Her hoof moved to the top of Twilight's head. "Or out there." She pointed to the library window where the rolling hills of Equestria bathed in a burning sunset. "Just pay attention. I know you, Twilight. You'll resolve this." "You sound a bit like Fluttershy," Twilight said. "Really? I was thinking of Applejack." She smiled and tucked her wing back at her side. "Although personally I like Pinkie Pie's answer the best." "Ha! Yeah, you know what? Me, too." Celestia walked back to her scrolls and lifted her spectacles in a golden cloud of magic. "Just..." Twilight stepped closer. "Just tell me one thing, Celestia. Are you a god?" Celestia raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean... are we... do you consider yourself a god?" Princess Celestia pursed her lips and looked at the ceiling. Twilight began to regret the questions when suddenly the Princess answered, "I consider all ponies to be wise, creative, emotional, and powerful. The only attribute we must add on ourselves is immortal." A twitch pulled at Twilight's eye as she nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Princess." "And you, Princess," Celestia said. Just before her tail left the library, Twilight heard Celestia's voice call out. "So, Twilight Sparkle," asked Princess Celestia, "do you believe in God?" Chapter Five“Pinkie Pie,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” “Of course I believe in God, Twilight!” “Oh.” Twilight blinked. “Why?” Pinkie lifted her hooves in preparation for a cartwheel. “Because it makes me happyyyyyyyy!” As she spun around herself and out of the kitchen, Twilight Sparkle’s lips formed a new sort of smile.
Chapter One“Applejack,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” Applejack hacked once again at the trunk and spit out the handle, leaving the ax half-embedded in the splintery wood. "Beg yer pardon?" Twilight looked down and away. "I asked if you believe in God," she said again. A little smile jumped to Applejack's mouth. "Well, sure I do, sugarcube." She took up the ax in her teeth and gave a few more precise chops. The tree creaked a little and bent away from Twilight. Applejack moved as if to strike again, but then her brow furrowed and she dropped the ax on the ground. "Is that all you came by to ask me?" Twilight still wouldn't meet her eyes. "Well, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I was hoping for a little more explanation, maybe?" "Explanation?" Applejack tilted her head, her hat sliding over a sweat-dampened mane. "I don't follow, Twilight. Why the sudden interest in religion?" "Well, we don't talk about it much, do we?" Twilight asked. "I mean... okay, the other day I was reorganizing the books in the castle's library. I'm trying to improve on mistakes made early on in Golden Oaks' system that just couldn't be salvaged by the time I moved in. Anyway, I found this whole section of religious texts I've never even seen before, and I realized that solid concepts of deity have practically disappeared from Equestrian culture. Back before the union of the tribes, each faction was largely founded on their ideas of the divine, but nowadays it's unheard of, not even as myth." "Whatcha gettin' at, Twi?" Applejack asked. "Well... why do you believe in God?" Twilight asked, finally making eye contact, her face scrunched with sincerity. Applejack chuckled. "Can't say I've rightly thought about that. But it's a good question. Hmmm..." She put a hoof to her chin. "Maybe," Twilight suggested, "it would be easier if, first, you explained to me... uh... what it is that you believe exactly?" After a pause, another kind of laugh blew through Applejack's nostrils. "Well, all right, then. I'll tell ya. But first can I finish choppin' down this tree?" She lifted the ax with a hoof. "It'll give me time to formulate a proper answer, anyhow." Twilight nodded and then watched patiently as Applejack whacked the crumbling trunk over and over until, with a long cracking sound, it twisted and fell. "Why are you cutting it down?" she asked. "Got sick," she explained. "Unfortunately not all tree diseases can be cured with a bit more care 'n' relocation." "That's too bad," Twilight said, frowning. Applejack shrugged. "When I was a filly I used to think o' the trees as ponies," she said. "Shucks, I still do, sometimes. Remember Bloomberg?" Twilight laughed. "Wow, that seems like such a long time ago." "That's 'cause it was, Twi. I remember it used to bother me a lot when trees had to be chopped down or uprooted or the like. I talked to Pa about it once. I asked him if the trees felt any pain when they got the ax." She picked up the blade and lodged it into the new stump. "He said 'Nope. Trees don't feel nothin'.' And that satisfied me." Twilight giggled. "Well, you were easy to convince." "I believed everything my Pa told me," Applejack said. She looked up and hummed to herself. "Matter'o'fact, it was him that told me about God." "Really?" Applejack sighed and nodded. "See, my parents... well, shucks, Twi, I don't usually talk about this kinda stuff." "Oh, I'm sorry," Twilight said, stepping back. "You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, Applejack." "No, not like that. It's just that it's... hard to think back on sometimes." She cleared her throat and adjusted her hat. "Let's take a walk. I'll tell ya." They left the fallen tree and began to trot through the orchards. "Big Mac'll come move it before sunset," Applejack said, glancing at the big blue sky. "So your father told you about God?" Twilight asked after a long silence. "Yup," Applejack said. "He and Ma... well, they got real sick. Not sure if I've ever toldja." "No, you haven't," Twilight said quietly. "I've always wondered, though." "Yeah. I don't like ta..." She cleared her throat again. "Anyway, we had to keep 'em in separate rooms fer a while 'cause they'd get too hot and really suffer if they were together. So one time Macintosh was carin' fer Ma and I was in the room with Pa, dabbin' his head with a cloth and all. Then he sorta wakes up real quick and looks at me all worried-like." She gulped. "I already knew, but... I dunno, that look still haunts me." "Knew what?" "That he was almost gone," she said. "He started tellin' me what to do fer Mama when he left, and details about the farm I'd need to know to run the place. I guess he knew I'd be the one to take over. Ha! Big Mac's a strong feller, but he never was the leader sort. Anyway, I... I didn't take it quite as strong as I should've. I started to cry and he sorta reached his foreleg up around my neck. I just laid on his chest." She sniffled and rubbed the back of her mane. Twilight had already stopped trotting, wiping a tear from her eye. "Applejack..." she said. "It's okay, Twi. It was a long time ago." "How old were you?" "Younger'n Apple Bloom. I didn't have my Cutie Mark yet." "Oh, gosh..." "Now don't make me cry any more'n I have to," Applejack said with a wry smirk. She coughed for the third time and kept trotting. Twilight followed at her side. "That's when he told me," Applejack continued, "that after ponies die, they go to heaven to wait fer their families. He described it to me, this heaven place. He said it was like Cloudsdale, but brighter, and you didn't need wings to walk around in it. He told me that everypony has a body and a soul, and that even though the body might die and decompose like a fallen apple, the soul lives on ferever. That was the difference between a tree and a pony, see? That's what he told me. Ponies have souls." "I like that," Twilight said, though there was a wince in her expression. "He didn't die just yet. Had a few days left in him. And I kept askin' questions about heaven." She laughed. "It's funny. I'm not sure how much he really believed and how much he just made up on the spot. But, either way, when I asked about who made heaven, he told me about God. Now I'd asked where trees came from and babies, when Apple Bloom came around, and they always told me that God created everything, but I'd never really thought about what that meant until Pa got to the end. I asked him all kinds o' questions, and he painted this picture in my head of a big white Alicorn with blue eyes and a mane like the clouds who loved to hug ya and cared about'cha and answered all yer prayers." Twilight's ears perked up. "Prayers?" "Yeah, y'know, talkin' to God." She grinned. "Pa prayed a lot, I remember. Over meals, when harvest started, grateful prayers when harvest ended. Huh... I reckon he was more religious than I've realized." "Do you pray?" Twilight asked. "Not often," Applejack admitted. "But I used to. After Ma and Pa died especially, I prayed every night with Granny and the family. We'd ask God to tell Ma and Pa that we missed 'em and... heheh... gave a sort o' report about how things were goin' on the farm. We reckon Pa'd wanna know." Twilight laughed. "That's so sweet." "Yeah, it was." Applejack sighed and stopped at the top of a hill. They watched the sun creep toward the horizon for a while. "So that's what you believe, then?" Twilight asked. "That God is a big white Alicorn who lives in heaven and answers prayers?" Applejack took off her hat. "Ha! Well, I can't truly say I believe any of that, Twilight. But I do believe there's Somepony out there, Somepony with more magic than all o' the Princesses combined. No offense." "None taken," Twilight said. "I think Somepony created the world, and I think He loves us." She smiled and turned to her friend. "I do believe that my parents are in heaven, Twilight, and I think I'll see 'em again." Twilight nodded. "That's beautiful, Applejack. Thank you for telling me." "Sure thing, sugarcube." She put her hat back on and crossed her forehooves. "Now, if you don't mind me askin' it back, what exactly does the Princess of Friendship believe about God?" A brief look, a long sigh, and Twilight answered, "I don't know yet."
Chapter Two“Rainbow Dash,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” "Heck no!" Rainbow said, opening one eye to glare at Twilight. "What kind of question is that?" Twilight blinked. "Uhh... a curious one?" "Pff." Rainbow cracked her neck and stood on the tiny cloud, facing the airborne Twilight with a half-lidded expression. "No, Twilight, I don't believe in God." "Why not?" Twilight asked. Rainbow guffawed. "Because that's just like the Tooth Breezie or telling kids that the ghosts of Clover the Clever and whoever else bring gifts on Hearth's Warming Eve! God's just a myth to help kids feel better when their pets die." "Rainbow!" Twilight said. "That's not very nice." "Well, it's true!" Rainbow said, eyes wide. "Why? Do you believe in God?" Twilight fidgeted in the air. "Ugh. I don't really know yet. I asked Applejack and--" "Ha! Lemme guess, AJ believes in a big white Alicorn with a cloud-beard that talks to ponykind through the Holy Spirit or something." "Uhhh... she didn't say anything about a Holy Spirit. Or cloud-beards." Rainbow laughed and shook her head. "Twilight," she began, jumping off the cloud and flying lazy circles around the Princess, "you can't expect somepony like Applejack to tell you what's true about God. She's had, like, tragedy in her life and stuff. Ponies like that need to believe in God and heaven and whatever else." "You think so?" "Oh yeah, for sure. At the least the weak ones." "Applejack is not weak!" Twilight argued. "She's the strongest pony I know." "Uh, besides me!" Rainbow said. She sighed and hovered at Twilight's side. "Look, Twi, I don't mean to burst any kinda feelings bubble you got from your conversation with Applejack, but believe me: there's no such thing as God." Rainbow sped away. Twilight frowned and tried to follow. "Then where did everything come from?" "Huh?" Rainbow asked, glancing over her shoulder. Twilight swung her hooves at the ground. "Everything! The world, life itself, magic... where did it all come from?" "You said it yourself, Twilight," Rainbow called. "Magic! You can create stuff, can't you?" "Well, not out of nothing," Twilight said. Rainbow slowed down enough for her to catch up. "Magic is more about reorganization than creation." "Well, then, that happened," Rainbow said with a shrug. "There was a bunch of stuff floating around, and then bang! Magic organized it." "That doesn't make any sense," Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Things don't just get organized. There's entropy and natural law and decay." "Around here, maybe," Rainbow said, "but who's to say there's not some, I dunno, alternate dimension that exists to counteract entropy? Maybe everything started there and floated over here and then, poof, life happened along the way." Twilight stared at her. "Alternate dimension?" "I dunno! That's a theory I've had since I met Pinkie Pie." Twilight laughed. "And then Discord proved it." "Ha ha ha! Oh, Rainbow Dash. So you really don't think there's a God?" "Not a chance!" They suddenly arrived at Rainbow's cloudhouse. Twilight landed awkwardly on the porch while Rainbow unlocked the front door. "You wanna come in?" "Sure," Twilight said. "It looks bigger than it used to be," she noted as she walked through the doorway. "I've made some adjustments over the years," Rainbow said. "It's pretty easy, actually. All you need are clouds." Twilight giggled. "I just don't get it. If you don't believe in God, what do you believe in?" "Nothing." Rainbow leapt onto a large cloud-couch and stretched herself out. "Nothing?" Twilight squinted. "Absolutely nothing." "You can't believe in nothing, Rainbow." "Sure I can. It's called nihilism." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Rainbow, that's not believing in nothing." "It is too! I learned about it at college." Twilight tilted her head. "You went to college?" "Pssh. Yeah, duh! How do you think I got so smart?" Rainbow leapt from the couch and flew into another room. Seconds later she came back with a rolled up diploma in one hoof and a blue graduation cap in the other. "See? You're looking at a graduate of the Cloudsdale College of Meteorology." "Wow! Rainbow, that's fantastic. I'm so proud of you." "Ah, stop it," Rainbow said, flicking her hoof at the joint. "It's nothin', really. Anyway, my first year there I had to take this philosophy class. I thought I was gonna hate it, but it ended up being awesome. The professor was really loud and lively. We learned about all these different ways to, like, think about stuff." "Wow," Twilight said, smirking. "I didn't read the textbooks much, but one of the writers we talked about really spoke to me," Rainbow continued. "Freerich Neightzsche. You heard of him?" "Of course." "Good. From hearing about his stuff I found out that the world is basically just a big illusion, and everything came from nothing and will go back to nothing. Eventually. But we don't have to worry about that, because we're alive!" She beamed. "We're living between the Nothings, see? So it's our privilege and our duty to, like, live the heck out of life." She flew around the room. "None of this morality junk or religion or anything that holds us back. The key is to live however we wanna live as if the world is ending, because it pretty much is. All the time." Twilight was unimpressed. "Rainbow, Neightzsche criticized nihilism. He called it dangerous." "Yeah, well, he wasn't perfect." Rainbow Dash set down her cap and diploma and returned to the couch. "The way I see it, Twilight, life is like a flash of lightning. The only way we're gonna enjoy it is if we move as fast as it does." "It's impossible to move at the speed of light, Rainbow Dash," Twilight reminded her. "You know what I mean." "Not really." "Okay, look." Rainbow sat up and stared directly at her concerned friend. "You don't have to be a nihilist, but don't believe in God. There's no such thing, and the only thing a belief in God does is hold you back from having fun for fear of not getting to heaven." "What are you talking about?" "Didn't Applejack tell you about hell?" "What's hell?" "Hell is like... Tartarus, basically. But for dead ponies. If there's a God, they say that good ponies die and go to heaven, but bad ponies die and go to hell. It's, like, eternal punishment or something." Twilight's jaw dropped. "That's awful! Applejack didn't say anything about that." "Well, it doesn't make sense for the bad guys to go to heaven, does it?" "I guess not..." "Exactly! In fact, none of it makes sense, because it's not true." Rainbow tossed her mane. "There isn't a heaven, there isn't a hell, and there isn't a God. There's just you, and you get to make your own choices without any guilt or weird Cloudicorn who only talks through prayer and soul-whispers." "Living without morals doesn't seem very conducive to friendship," Twilight said softly. "No, not without morals. Ugh, Twilight, I thought you said you knew this stuff." Rainbow slid a hoof down her face. "You can have all the morals you want, but that's the point: they're your morals. Nopony else is telling you what to do or not to do. It's about, like, tolerance and stuff. It's the only way friendship works. The six of us, we're totally different. We all believe different things, we like different things, and we probably want very different things. But it still works, because there's no God hovering above us saying Applejack's right and Twilight's wrong. You get to believe whatever you want, let everypony else believe what they want, and we all skip around merrily for as long as we can until the Nothingness decides it's sick of the universe and settles back in." "That's..." Twilight struggled. "Kind of sad, Rainbow. That last part, anyway. But the friendship part makes sense." "Hey, the truth hurts," Rainbow said with another shrug. "So, are you gonna believe Applejack and worry about hell for the rest of your life, or are you gonna join me and Neightzsche and do whatever you want?" Twilight sighed. Her lungs felt heavy. "I don't know yet. I'll have to think about it." "Just don't pray about it," Rainbow said with a wink.
Chapter Three“Rarity,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” "God, dear?" Rarity repeated, sliding a green vest over a skinny ponnequin. "However do you mean?" "You know. Do you believe in a higher power? A... an immortal pony that created everything?" Rarity gave Twilight an amused look. "Oh, Twilight, surely you must be joking." "Huh?" Rarity tittered a high pitched laugh. "Twilight, stop it! I'm in the zone, can't you see? I've no time for silly jokes." "I'm not joking, Rarity," Twilight said, her face twisted. "I'm serious. I just want to know if you believe in God." Rarity's expression changed the longer she eyed Twilight. "My goodness, you really aren't joking! You really don't know, do you?" "How could I know, Rarity? I'm asking for your opinion, what you believe, and this is something we've never talked about before." Rarity's magic set everything down and her horn stopped glowing. "My darling Twilight, we've never talked about it because I thought it went quite unsaid. Perhaps I was wrong." "Wrong about what?" Twilight's eye twitched. "Look, Rarity, I'm already frazzled enough from my conversations with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Will you just tell me what you believe so I can go home and think about it?" "It's not what I believe that matters, Twilight. It is the truth that governs this world." "Yes, well, that's exactly what I'm trying to get at." "And you... don't feel that you've already found the answer?" Rarity blinked above an innocent smile. "No! Everypony thinks something different." "Do they now?" Rarity raised her eyebrows and looked away. "Well, honestly, I don't think there's a question about it." "So you do believe or don't believe in God?" Twilight asked. Rarity paused. "Define god." Twilight grunted. "A distant, invisible pony who created the world, watches over us, has some degree of influence in our lives, responds to prayer... somehow, and assigns us to heaven or hell when we die." Rarity blanched. "Goodness, Twilight! No, if that's your definition, I certainly do not believe in God." "Oh. Well, what do you believe in?" A whimsical, almost skeptical smile pulled at Rarity's face. "I still can't believe you're not joking!" "Rarity! Just tell me!" "Alicorns, Twilight!" Rarity said. Twilight Sparkle was silent. "Wh-what?" "If we're talking about immortal beings who govern creation and existence," Rarity said, "then the answer is obviously Alicorns." Twilight's head began to shake. "No." "Well, why not, darling? Think about it. What did the ponies of the past worship? The Sun, the Moon, the celestial bodies. Do you think it's because they were pretty? No, of course not! They knew what--or rather who--had set the sky in motion, and they used their own magic and skills to continue the cycles while waiting for their gods to return. Isn't that what the ancient legends say?" "No," Twilight said again, more to the air than to Rarity. "So it's only sensible to deduce that Celestia and Luna--and perhaps others--created this world and all the life in it, and then left it to a period of self-preservation, probably while off creating other worlds or visiting pre-established ones--" "No, no." "--then returned, had a little falling out, and then... well, you know." Twilight stared at her. "Then what, Rarity?" The unicorn smiled. "Why, Celestia chose you, of course." Twilight's knees buckled. She nearly fell to the floor of the boutique. Rarity stepped forward. "I thought you knew, Twilight! I honestly thought this was all common knowledge. Obviously gods are not perfect creatures, seeing what happened to Luna--" "Rarity, stop." "--but they are immortal, and so the only way to ensure the continuance of life is to continue the cycle of righteous godhood." "Stop it!" "Twilight, calm yourself! There's nothing horrible about any of this. In fact, I think it's wonderful! One day when all of us are gone, you'll probably join them in the stars and create planets and suns and life of your own!" "Gaaaahhhh!" Twilight screamed and, in a flash of light, teleported out of sight. Rarity blinked a few times. "Oh, dear. Did I say something?"
Chapter Four“Fluttershy,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” Fluttershy's eyes widened at the shivering pony at her doorstep. "Um... maybe you should come in, Twilight," she said. Twilight nodded and hurried inside to lay herself out on the long green couch. Fluttershy took the cushioned chair adjacent. Angel jumped into the chair and curled up against her wing. "What did you ask me, Twilight?" Fluttershy said. "I asked if you believe in God," Twilight said. "Or, more specifically, what kind of God do you believe in?" "Oh, goodness." Fluttershy sighed. "That's a very interesting question, Twilight. What brings it up?" "I found several books on ancient worship in pre-Equestrian culture," she explained, "and wondered why nopony talks about God anymore. I started asking our friends what they believed." She groaned and covered her face. "Now I know why nopony talks about it." Fluttershy was quiet until Twilight spoke again. "So I just wanted to ask you," she said. "You're a kind, quiet, sensible pony, Fluttershy. Where do you think everything came from? Who created all of this? The forest, and ponies, and all your animals?" "Oh. Well..." Fluttershy smiled. "I don't believe in creation so much as transformation." Twilight sat up. "What do you mean?" "I think everything has always existed, Twilight," Fluttershy explained, stroking Angel's little head. "The universe is eternal. Heehee... I always thought universe was a funny word." Turning herself on the couch to face Fluttershy, Twilight clarified. "So you think that... matter is eternal?" "And infinite," Fluttershy said. "I know it's hard to comprehend the way we are right now, but it doesn't have to be a distressing thought. Actually, I find eternity to be very comforting." "In what way?" "If all this is eternal--if nothing has beginning or end--that means we don't ever really lose anything. It just transforms. We see it in nature all the time. An apple falls from the tree, it rots into the ground, the soil absorbs the nutrients, and it gets sent back up through the roots to feed new fruit." She closed her eyes in a peaceful smile. "Everything has a cycle, Twilight. Day and night, sea and rain, life and death." "You think life and death is a cycle?" Twilight asked. "Seems to me like it just... starts and ends." "Bodies begin and end, yes," Fluttershy said. "But I believe that everypony has a soul." "Applejack said the same thing," Twilight remembered. "She thinks the soul of a pony is immortal and goes to heaven when the body dies." "Oh, that's a lovely thought," Fluttershy said, sighing happily. "Do you believe that, too?" "No," Fluttershy said simply. She tilted her head to sway her mane out of her face. "I don't really think there's the soul of a pony and the soul of a bunny and the soul of a star. I think we're all the same thing on the inside." Twilight's eyes widened. "Really?" "Oh, yes. I've spent enough time with animals to see they're just as alive and intelligent and curious as we are. They just have less means of expressing it. Their purpose is different." "Purpose?" Twilight smiled. "Do you think everything has a purpose?" "Most definitely!" Fluttershy said. "I believe that we, too, go through many cycles. Every time the body dies, our soul goes to a new one and lives another life. We learn that way. We get many different experiences and contribute to beauty and existence from hundreds, maybe thousands of different perspectives." "So you think we all become animals when we die?" "Maybe we've already been animals. In fact, I'd say it's very likely. We are just as eternal as the matter we get to control, life after life. But it's not always animals, Twilight. I think once I was a tree." She smiled again and let out a soft sigh. "Maybe I'll get to be a star someday. Or a mountain." "I bet Pinkie Pie knows somepony else who would like to be a rock," Twilight said. They both giggled. "I'm not saying I remember any lives before this one," Fluttershy said, almost as an afterthought. "Perhaps we're going through lots of different lives in preparation for something greater. Maybe, once we learn all we can from each life, our souls go someplace else to use what we have learned." Twilight was nodding. "That's a beautiful belief, Fluttershy." "If it's true, then we ought to treat each other--and nature--much better than most ponies do," she added. "We should try to identify our inner self: the true, eternal part of us, and let it govern our choices and interactions with other souls. We must learn to be aware of what is in our control and what it is not. When that becomes clear, life gets very... hmmm... peaceful." "I can imagine," Twilight said. "I don't do as well as I should, believing like this," Fluttershy said, looking at the floor. "Sometimes I get very angry and forget to let go of what I can't control. It helps to meditate." "Like, sit and think about it?" "Well, more like not think about it." Fluttershy giggled again. "The key to meditation is removing everything that stands between your consciousness and your soul, the eternal part of you. Usually there are so many filters, and thoughts are one of them." Twilight frowned. "So, you're saying it's bad to think?" "Oh, no, of course not. Thinking is the one of the greatest tools we have in life, Twilight. Meditation serves to teach us that we are in control of our thoughts, and not the other way around. During meditation, I try not to focus on any one thought. I pay attention to the way I breathe and where I feel energy entering and exiting my body." "Energy? Like, magic?" "Heehee... it's hard to explain. I guess it feels like light. Inner light." "Huh..." Twilight rubbed her hooves together. "I don't think I've ever experienced that before." "If you'd like, you could come over during one of my meditation sessions." Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You have sessions?" "It usually takes quite a long time. I'll let you know. You're welcome to come. I usually prepare a kettle of spice tea to enjoy afterward. There's something very special about tea." Something settled in Twilight's chest. "Wow, Fluttershy. I really like that." "How do you feel?" After a deep breath and a small smile, Twilight answered, "Better. Good." "Our feelings are very important, Twilight. Emotion is a common thread in many forms of life. We all seek happiness, and it comes to those who are aware of what's around them, who make the good choices they can and leave alone that which is out of their control." "Huh. That makes sense," Twilight said. "So, to be clear, you don't believe in God, then?" "Hmmm... well, I wouldn't say that." Fluttershy swished her tail. "Perhaps there is Someone who directs the whole thing, assigning each soul to their next body, shaping the lessons they learn in each life. I really don't know. But in my opinion, the universe is taking care of itself. It is a soul of its own, something we are each a part of, and it sustains life and harmony as effortlessly as a sparrow sings." Twilight frowned. "Well... what about when bad stuff happens, Fluttershy? We've seen a lot of bad ponies and other creatures do a lot of bad things. Where does that fit into all this peacefulness?" "Not all souls are aware, Twilight," Fluttershy said in a colder voice. "Most souls, I think, get caught up in their present lives, seeking for personal gain and power. They don't realize that the true power lies in understanding the cycles. The true power belongs to the universe, and in a sense that means it already belongs to us. Bad ponies, in my experience, are only trying to take more than their share. They are trying to increase what is in their control. That's not the way it's supposed to be. If each pony, rock, snail, bear, and tree lived according to its nature, the harmony would be endless." "Some might say it is in a pony's nature to seek more power and control," Twilight noted. "Ah, yes, but I'm not talking about a pony's nature." She grinned and looked directly into Twilight's eyes. "Our souls know how to preserve the balance. It is natural, to our eternal selves, to give and be kind. Only the filters of our different bodies lead to greed, selfishness, and harm." There was a long, warm silence after that. "I would really like to believe this," Twilight said. "You get to decide what you believe," Fluttershy cooed. "It's all part of life. If you ask me, I'd say you're on a very good path." Twilight's wings twitched and she looked away. "Fluttershy... you said that life and death is a cycle, right?" "Yes." "Well... what happens if you can't die?" "Alicorns die, Twilight." Twilight's eyes snapped back to her friend's. "What?" Fluttershy nodded slowly. "Matter is eternal, but it does not stay still for long. It might take you longer than the rest of us, but you will eventually learn all you can from this life and move on to another." Tears colored with a dozen emotions lined the bottom of Twilight's eyes. "Do you really think so?" "I do," Fluttershy said. "Heehee. Maybe, Twilight, you and I will meet again in another life. Maybe we'll be two neighboring trees in somepony's orchard." Twilight smiled. "Or two rocks at the top of a mountain." "Or two bunnies. Doing whatever bunnies do." Angel grimaced and slapped Fluttershy's feathers. The ponies just laughed.
Chapter Six“Princess Celestia,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” Celestia looked up from a scroll on the table and stared at Twilight above crystalline spectacles. "Yes," she said. Twilight's lip began to quiver. "Oohhhh... I was worried you'd say that!" Celestia's magic set the glasses on the table beside the scroll. She raised her head and eyed her former pupil with a mix of suspicion and concern. "I'm afraid I don't follow, Princess Twilight." "Oh, forget it." Twilight turned around and started shuffling out of the Canterlot library. "Twilight, you've been standing there for five minutes after arriving to the castle entirely unannounced," Celestia said. Her tone was firm, but not angry. "I expect an explanation." When Twilight turned around, her eyes were already brimming with tears. "I just don't know what to believe." "Oh, Twilight..." Celestia trotted around the large library desk. "Tell me everything. Start from the beginning." Twilight bit her lip, but the tension in her shoulders melted when Celestia stood at her side and wrapped one majestic wing around her entire frame. With a deep breath, Twilight nodded and began to speak. "I was with Spike in the Ponyville Castle," she said. "We were admiring the new chandelier, the one I wrote to you about, and reminiscing on old times we've had with our friends. And then Spike said something about... wishing it could last forever. A perpetual moment, I think he said. And suddenly it dawned on me that... that Spike and I will outlive all of our friends." She choked. "And their children. And their children's children. And then one day I'll... I'll outlive Spike and... and..." "Surely you've contemplated this before, Twilight," Celestia said. "You've spent much of your life among immortality." "Well, yes, but it never hit me. Not that hard." She sniffed and continued. "I started to cry and told Spike how I was feeling, and he started trying to comfort me with dragon stories of an afterlife and that our friends will live on and watch us forever and mourn with us when we fail and rejoice with us when we succeed. It all seemed so silly. I asked him what he was talking about, and he told me about the gods and religions of dragon culture he'd learned in some of the new books. "So I went through the library--I'd already been organizing a new system--and found several volumes documenting ancient pony religions. There were churches and temples and rites of worship and prayer and sacrifice and--" She shook her head. "And it all just vanished. It all stopped--as soon as you and Luna arrived." Celestia made no response. "But there's all this... leftover notion that I didn't even know about. Family traditions and famous philosophy have pulled ponykind's faith in every direction. And I guess I realized that... well, I didn't have any faith at all! I don't believe in anything, one way or the other. I just don't know." "Some ponies choose exactly that as their belief," Celestia hummed. "No, I'm not talking about agnosticism. I'm talking about downright confusion, Princess. I was so confused." Celestia chuckled. "You think too much, Twilight Sparkle." "I know... and on that very note, I started to wonder what each of my friends believed. I thought surely they could help me resolve whatever crisis I had stumbled into." "And did you ask them?" "Yes." "And?" Twilight began to tremble. "Applejack believes in a fatherly God who watches over everypony and answers prayer and brings them to heaven when they die, Fluttershy believes we're all eternal souls cycling through lives to fulfill purpose and gain experience and peace, Pinkie Pie believes in God for no reason but to be happy--" Celestia giggled. "--Rainbow Dash believes that the universe came from nothing and will go back to nothing and we have to live according to our own morals and desires while we can, and Rarity..." Twilight clenched her jaw and held in tears. "Rarity thinks you and I are gods!" Celestia let her cry. "I'm not a gaaawwwd!" Twilight wailed, crumpling in the larger Alicorn's grasp. "I'm not a god! I'm just... I'm just me..." After a few heavy sobs, Twilight composed herself and hung her head, gasping and sniffling under Celestia's wing. "Did you inquire of anypony else?" Celestia asked. "Uh... no," Twilight said softly. "Oh, that's too bad," Celestia said. "I would have liked to hear what the owners of that lovely bakery believe." Twilight looked up. "Mister and Missus Cake?" "Or that musician who spends all her time with the candy maker." "Lyra Heartstrings?" "Or the mayor. I bet her views are fascinating." Twilight blinked hard. "Celestia, what are you getting at?" The Princess of the Sun gave a small but brilliant smile. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, you have experienced firsthoof that no two ponies believe exactly the same things." "Of course they do!" Twilight argued. "I'm sure the whole Apple Family agrees that Applejack's parents went to heaven." "Perhaps," Celestia said. "Perhaps not. But none of them believe exactly the same things. Even among the most organized of religions, its members must meet and converse frequently to discuss details of doctrine. There is just so much to understand, Twilight, that it is virtually impossible for two intelligent creatures to share exactly the same beliefs. Our experiences and perspectives are too hugely varied. There will always be differences, large or small." Twilight's brow had creased. "Well, what's true, then? You said you believe in God. Is there a God or isn't there?" "That entirely depends on what you mean by God, Twilight," Celestia said. "Yes, of course there is a God. But that's not the important question, is it? In each of your friends' beliefs, there is a God: a creator, a designer, an organizer, a great force of direction and intelligence, whether that god lives in heaven, takes part in the cycles, or clears the skies of Ponyville." Twilight let out a choked laugh. "What's true, then? That is an important question, Princess Twilight. Perhaps it is the most important question. Another way to phrase it is, What matters?" "That's not necessarily correct," Twilight immediately said. "Something can be true and not matter at all." "Really?" Celestia smiled again, wider this time. "That's a very interesting belief, Twilight Sparkle." Twilight was speechless, running her own words over in her head. "As you've recently realized, you have a long, long time to consider these things. Much longer than most rational creatures. The only thing I can promise you is that you will find answers. The seeker always finds. That is a belief shared across many lines." "I'm not sure I believe it," Twilight said. "It feels like I'll never decide. There are just too many options, too many ideas that ponies I care about hold to so firmly." "It is difficult, Twilight. I am not denying that." Celestia's wing pulled tighter. "I am simply telling you not to worry so much. Continue to think, continue to study, continue to ask questions and learn new things and measure how you feel. But don't worry about what you believe anymore. All you need to succeed here is to keep trying. Don't give up, and you'll get an answer." "From where?" Twilight asked. Her face broke into a pained smile and she pointed upward. "From God?" "Maybe," Celestia said, grinning with her. "Or from here." She placed a hoof on Twilight's chest. "Or here." Her hoof moved to the top of Twilight's head. "Or out there." She pointed to the library window where the rolling hills of Equestria bathed in a burning sunset. "Just pay attention. I know you, Twilight. You'll resolve this." "You sound a bit like Fluttershy," Twilight said. "Really? I was thinking of Applejack." She smiled and tucked her wing back at her side. "Although personally I like Pinkie Pie's answer the best." "Ha! Yeah, you know what? Me, too." Celestia walked back to her scrolls and lifted her spectacles in a golden cloud of magic. "Just..." Twilight stepped closer. "Just tell me one thing, Celestia. Are you a god?" Celestia raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean... are we... do you consider yourself a god?" Princess Celestia pursed her lips and looked at the ceiling. Twilight began to regret the questions when suddenly the Princess answered, "I consider all ponies to be wise, creative, emotional, and powerful. The only attribute we must add on ourselves is immortal." A twitch pulled at Twilight's eye as she nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Princess." "And you, Princess," Celestia said. Just before her tail left the library, Twilight heard Celestia's voice call out. "So, Twilight Sparkle," asked Princess Celestia, "do you believe in God?"
Chapter Five“Pinkie Pie,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?” “Of course I believe in God, Twilight!” “Oh.” Twilight blinked. “Why?” Pinkie lifted her hooves in preparation for a cartwheel. “Because it makes me happyyyyyyyy!” As she spun around herself and out of the kitchen, Twilight Sparkle’s lips formed a new sort of smile.
