Captain Button

by Architect Ironturtle

Rating: teen
Tags: Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sweetie Belle, Button Mash, Dinky Hooves, Adventure
Length: 1795

Button Mash goes pirate hunting.

It's all been leading up to this. He had his ship, his crew, and his target, all that was left was taking it. "Dinky, load the chain shot!"

Published 2015-04-26 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-26 19:20:02 UTC

Raise the Flag!

"Captain, Captain Button!" My second in command shouted as she galloped up to me.

"What's the news, First Mate Dinky?" I asked without looking up from the maps in front of me.

"We've found her, Captain!" Dinky panted, "We've found the Philomena's Revenge!"

I stood immediately. "Excellent, Dinky," I said, "How close is she?"

"6 knots, and closing!"

"Excellent," I repeated, "Scramble the crew, I'll be up shortly."

Dinky saluted and galloped out of my quarters, shouting, "All hands to battle stations!" as she ran.

I quickly stowed my navigation equipment in a drawer as I reached for my coat and weapons. We'd been hunting that particular pirate ship for two solid years now, and every single time we'd caught up with her, she'd managed to slip away, all thanks to her wily captain, Black Tiara. Well, not this time! I thought. I donned my coat and strode out onto the deck of Her Royal Highness's Lunar Flare, the latest in naval superiority and the largest Dragon class ship of the line ever created. 100 guns, 450 crew, four masts, 15 sails, 130 feet long, 1000 tons when fully loaded, and to top it all off, a Pegasi magic generator to propel the ship when the winds proved uncooperative.

The deck was buzzing with activity by the time I arrived, and I took a moment to bask in the skill of my crew. With the help of Dinky and my Chief Gunner, Sweetie Belle, we'd whipped these sailors into a shape that no other ship in Her Highness's fleet could match. Speaking of which, here she comes, I noted. She fell into step beside me as I walked towards the starboard bow.

"Shall we bring the cannons to bear, Captain?" Sweetie had earned her rank by being the only pony loud enough to shout orders over the boom of the cannons. Being able to keep her head under fire hadn't hurt, either.

"Aye, Sweetie," I told her, "Load the chain shot and aim for the sails, we don't want them getting away again."

"Aye, aye, Captain," I still got a little chill whenever she said that. "LOAD THE CHAIN SHOT! AIM FOR THE SAILS!"

A chorus of affirmatives echoed back to us from the deck, and Sweetie went below to relay the orders. As she left, Dinky came up, decked out in her own battle gear consisting of a mouth sword, currently holstered, and two shoulder guns. "We're at 3 knots and still closing, Captain. They're trying to get away, but with the generator on top of the already strong tailwind, they're still losing ground."

"Very good Dinky, go prepare your boarding squad. I won't be satisfied until Black Tiara has been crushed beneath my hooves." Dinky galloped off, and I watched the crew as they worked, my thoughts drifting. I could see the Pegasi in the rigging, pulling ropes and adjusting the sails to keep us on course. Unicorns lined the guns, preparing to fire, while sturdy Earth Ponies carried shot and powder for them, or covered themselves in spiky armor for boarding.

I drifted back to just before we'd set sail, when Black Tiara was just another criminal, instead of my arch rival. When I'd first been assigned to catch her, I had been, well, annoyed was putting it mildly.

"So let me get this straight," I growled up at Admiral Snap Shot, "You're sending me to some backwater on the other end of the country to go pirate chasing!? How am I supposed to help with the Griffonian raiders when I'm so far away?"

"That situation is well in hand," he replied testily, giving me a warning look, "Besides, the pirate I'm ordering you to capture has actually done more damage than any raider ever did." He passed me a wanted poster, and I gave it a quick glance. A pink mare in a black coat with a scar on her left cheek grinned evilly at me from the paper. Below the drawing were the words, 'Wanted, dead or alive, Captain Black Tiara. 10,000 bit reward.'

I whistled. "That's a lot of bits, sir," I said, tucking the poster into my shirt pocket.

"That it is," he answered, "Now, what do you say?"

"Captain Button Mash Reporting for Duty, Sir!"

"Two Knots!" bellowed Sweetie, and the activity around me became even more frantic. I could see the ship now, a sleek light Frigate, shallow-hulled and low built, designed for speed over power. I pulled out my spyglass and held it up to my eye. Yep, that was her ship all right. I'd know that crown wearing skull and crossbones anywhere. It reminded me of the first time I'd met Black Tiara, and I had to suppress a shiver of rage.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" I tried to turn my head to look at her, and received a hoof to my ear for the trouble. Her footsteps were uneven, probably from the chunk I'd taken out of rear right leg, and even though I couldn't see her, I could still hear the malice dripping from her words. "So the Princesses finally decided to do something about me. At first, I was almost worried. After all, I'm just one ship, how could I stand against a whole fleet? But no, she sent you, and that flimsy little cruiser that's sitting at the bottom of the bay. I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. No wait, I'll laugh anyway." Her cackle sent chills down my spine. "Throw them overboard, I don't want to see their faces again!"

It had taken me and the two crew-mates who survived five months to make it back to civilization. The only reason I wasn't demoted on the spot was that I was the only prisoner she'd ever taken who survived. "One Knot!" Everypony got into position, ready to move at a moments notice. I prepped one of my six shoulder guns. Today my crew would be avenged. As we drew up alongside them, I could see Black Tiara on deck, directly across from me. She was staring at me through her spyglass, and her twisted expression of rage gave me a dose of grim satisfaction.

"OPEN FIRE!" I shouted, and the world exploded around me. Balls and chains flew straight and true, ripping her rigging, sails, and Pegasi to shreds. Even if we lost today, she wouldn't be sailing away from this fight. Of course, she did shoot back, her favorite tactic of a round of solid shot followed by a round of buckshot proving as effective as always. The cannon to my left lost its crew in an instant, then was cut loose from its moorings and went skidding across the deck, forcing me to stumble out of its way. I could hear Sweetie Bell calling the order to reload, and saw Dinky directing the Pegasi to close distance with the ship.

We fired again, this time copying my long-standing enemy, and the solid shot blew a string of holes across her bow. I grabbed a grappling hook and prepared to throw it. If we just shot the Philomena's Revenge until it sank, there could be survivors, and Black Tiara was nothing if not a survivor. No, the only way to make sure she stayed dead was to catch her and bring her back to Vanhoover, where she would be tried and executed for piracy and mass murder.

"HOOKS UP!" I yelled, and threw my hook. It flew through the air alongside a dozen others, from both my ship and hers. I watched it connect with the deck, narrowly missing Black Tiara, and pulled, working alongside my crew to bring the ships side by side. Dinky and her borders raced to the railing, ready to jump across as soon as they could. Once the gap had narrowed enough, I leaped over the side and found myself face to face with my nemesis.

Our swords clashed, and she snarled at me. "You're supposed to be dead!" I made out through her clenched teeth, and we danced with each other as our crews collided around us.

"Then you should have made sure of that personally," I grunted back, dodging a slash that would have taken my head before lunging forward, forcing her to step back. She went for one her shoulder guns, but I flattened myself out just in time, and the bullet buzzed my mane.

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE!" she screamed, and unloaded all her guns at me at once. I scrambled to get out of the way, but a burning pain in my flank told me I hadn't been fast enough. I responded with a gun of own, forcing her to roll.

"Because I'm too stubborn," I quipped back, going on the offensive with a combination of guns and daring swordplay. I pushed her all the way across the deck, until her hooves scrambled at a broken piece of railing. Then I glanced around, and smirked. "Give it up Tiara, you've lost."

"NEVER! MY CREW AND I WILL-" I cut her off.

"What crew?" She froze then looked around. Her crew was dead to a pony, and she was outnumbered by 50 to 1. She turned to jump over the side, but froze when she saw a small boat waiting for her to do just that. She was pinned. "Strip her, search her belongings, then shackle her and put her in the brig. Mares only on guard duty, we don't want some horny stallion letting her loose." That order elicited a chuckle as my crew went to work. Black Tiara, for her part, kept her head high even as her coat was ripped from her body, and her legs covered in iron. "Keep her lucid, I'll want to question her later." One chorus of ayes later, I was heading below deck to see what we'd caught. With any luck, she''d have just raided another ship, and we could bring the loot back for a cut of the profits.

88888888

"I think we'll stop there for tonight," said my Mom, closing the book and setting it on my bedside table.

"Aww, just one more chapter! Please?"

She chuckled, "No, Button, you need your sleep. Goodnight." She kissed my forehead, then shut the light off as she left the room. The moment I thought she was gone, I grabbed for the book and a flashlight. However, no sooner had I started to read again then the light clicked on, and my Mom was glaring at me through the door. "If you read ahead without me, you will pay dearly for it," she warned. I gulped, nodded, put the book on the table, and tried to go sleep as quickly as possible.