Poetry Rocks

by 20percentCujo

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1588

Derpy has an awkward encounter with another mare. It proceeds to revolve around rocks.

Derpy Hooves is a Ponyville weather pegasus. A very clumsy one at that. She wouldn't know so, as opposed to her mother. Who, unfortunately, is currently out of town. She didn't think that through very well.

After another unfortunate event caused by her own hooves, Derpy runs into somepony completely unfamiliar. Their encounter turns into something they will never forget, for reasons neither of them understand.

On an unrelated note, Rainbow Dash finds out about the unpleasant side effects of a cider overdose. What follows is to leave herself in agony, and her pet with a strictly limited amount of empathy.

This story will be deleted on December 1st. For more information, please refer to this blog post.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-03 17:20:02 UTC

With a free rock for the first 500 subscribers

Derpy hit the ground with a loud and unpleasant thump. It didn't exactly represent the kind of effect she expected. The sounds produced by her neck vertebrates upon impact weren't the most favorable ones, either. Several little ponies kept dancing in front of her eyes, warning the pegasus mare to be a little more gentle next time.

But there was a bright side to everything, and this crash shouldn't be any different. At least she was still able to move all her legs, and none of her wings seemed to be broken. Which made for some pretty good statistics, considering it had been her third accident for the day. The thing that wouldn't look so good on paper was...well, her accidentally trying to bust three thunderstorm clouds within the course of twenty-four hours.

Like her mother had always said: Insanity means doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Bureaucracy means a different result actually happening. Thus, bureaucracy and insanity are one and the same thing. Derpy's mother spent most of her life taking care of the Cloudsdale weather factory's paper work, by the way. Also, she hated her job. But at least she understood a thing or two about official documents, or weather. Whereas Derpy would already find herself challenged not to confuse one for the other. That way, she kept busting storm clouds, while suffering a tremendous phobia from A4 paper sheets.

Well, she was not a clever pony. To say the least.

Looking back up, the pegasus mare noticed a pair of gray hooves placed on the ground in front of her. They looked somewhat similar to her own, especially with the same fur color and all, but they couldn't possibly be hers. Those were still lying flat on the ground, stretched out to her sides. She must have looked like an idiot to this other gray pony. Unfortunately.

"Are you alright?" somepony asked. Derpy decided to just go ahead at full risk, take a shot in the dark, and assume it was the mare in front of her speaking. Yes, speaking. She couldn't think of a word to describe it any better because the voice sounded neither positive nor negative, in any way. It seemed completely devoid of emotion. Derpy found it close to impossible to comprehend whether its owner was angry, worried, happy, sad, or all of the above.

Of course, she could simply look up from her current, unfortunate position, to see this other mare's face. After that, she would at least be able to tell whether this was somepony new or familiar. And from there, she might figure out an answer to her preceding question. It all sounded like a reasonable plan, so that's what she did.

The face Derpy spotted, looking down at her, fit the voice in question incredibly well. There was no emotion to be found in it, at all. Like a face with all of its expression options set to an average, standard-mode. Whatever that was. The mare had a straightly combed, light purple-grayish manecut, which stopped just above her eyes. A thick layer of makeup highlighted both of them in one way or another. It was impossible to tell which way that could be. Both of these eyes showed about as much emotion as a stone of sorts.

"Hi there," Derpy greeted her with a grin. The mare blinked.

"Do you need medical assistance?" she asked in her standard, indifferent voice. "I know a good undertaker..."

"Huh? No, nope, I'm good," the pegasus mare hastily answered, jumping back on all four hooves. Whatever it was this other pony kept talking about, she seemed nice. Or maybe not nice at all, Derpy honestly couldn't tell. And to her surprise, the mare still didn't show any sign of feelings or worries.

"That's good to hear," she objectively stated. "I was becoming a little worried there, for a second."

"Oh, don't worry. Things like that happen to me all the time." Derpy smiled at her even wider than before, offering a hoof for a greeting. "My name's Derpy Hooves, by the way. What's your name?"

"I'm Maud Pie," the mare replied, not moving a muscle. "Most ponies just call me Maud, though. It's a little more personal that way, and I like being on friendly terms with others."

"Oh, of course. That's what I'll call you, then," Derpy burst out, just before she blinked, hesitating for a second. "Are you an artist or something like that? You seem kinda deep."

"I am," Maud answered. "It's not my main employment, but I sometimes write poetry, for fun. I write about the same, particular topic all the time, without ever getting paid, or appreciated very much. I don't understand that either."

"Poetry, huh?" Derpy scratched her chin with a hoof. "Is that the one with the guitars and stuff?"

"Sometimes. I don't use any instruments, though. Or melodies. I just write texts. Most of them are about rocks, by the way. I like rocks...and poems about them. So I write poems about rocks, as I previously stated. Would you like to hear some?"

"Um...okay."

Maud cleared her throat, before professionally, and still completely without any sign of emotion, reciting her masterpiece about rocks being rocks. And gray. Like rocks, which they were...rocks. Derpy stared at her in fascination the entire time, stunned beyond belief. Halfway through the poem, she had to force herself not to cry. It felt heart-wrenching, really.

"That...was beautiful," she commented, as soon as Maud had finished.

"I'm glad you liked it."

"Oh, oh, can you do one about me?"

"I could improvise," Maud told her. "I haven't done that for a while, though. The last time, one half of the poem was lost because the colt who had to type the record fell asleep halfway through."

"That's okay. I promise I'll stay awake."

"Very well then," Maud answered with a shrug. "This one's inspired by another work of mine. It may sound a bit familiar...here goes:

Pony

You are a pony

Gray

You are gray

Like a...gray...pony

Which you are

pon...gray pony, sorry"

Maud blinked a few times, her eyes thoroughly examining Derpy. The rest of her face remained unchanged. "I'm afraid that already sums up all the details I could gather," she concluded.

Derpy didn't mind. Her eyes filled with tears, as she felt struck to her very essence by this beautifully composed symphony. A masterpiece called into existence entirely for her, and her alone, to enjoy. Leaping forward, she pulled the earth pony mare into a tight hug.

"That...was the most beautiful thing anypony ever said to me," she sniffled. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome," Maud replied. "I like to filter out the best there is in ponies. That kind of approach tends to give you a very positive attitude."

"Exactly," Derpy replied, choking back tears of joy. Instead, she suddenly broke into a sly grin. "...and where would we come to without a little positive thought?"

"I can imagine how everything would so easily become messed up..."

"I don't even want to think about it that way..."

The two mares looked at each other in silence for a long time. Derpy had to thoroughly think about what to do next, but ultimately decided on the sole reasonable response to their conversation. She felt her heart beat faster, as she leaned in closer to the earth pony mare.

"Do you, um..." she started. "Do you think it's time to move this to the next level?"

"Sure," Maud replied, only marginally interested. "I've got nothing else planned for the afternoon. I might have to go, visit my sister later on, however."

Though somewhat confusing, it was all the response Derpy needed to continue her forward momentum. Their lips were only inches apart, when...

"Whoa! What the hay?"

Rainbow Dash instinctively jumped out of bed, shooting into an upright position within the blink of an eye. She needed a second to keep herself from panicking. Whatever she had done to anger her subconsciousness, the debt seemed more than payed off, now.

Rainbow took a look around her, taking in her actual surroundings. As it turned out, the time was still late at night, Luna's pale moon standing high above Ponyville. As for herself, she was safe and sound at home. And alone, safe for her pet, which already started looking over towards her with a tired and confused look on its face.

"Uh...hey, sorry Tank. Didn't mean to wake you..."

She trailed off, suddenly sensing a strong rumble coming from her stomach.

"Aw, man. I need to get off the cider. Explains a thing or two, though." Another rumble caused her to slip off the bed, subsequently landing on all four hooves. Her face suddenly turned very green. "Ugh. I think...I think I'm just gonna throw up, now."

And with that being said, she quickly disappeared into the next room. Some noises, which were hardly delicate to observe, followed from said direction, soon after.

Tank slowly blinked in confusion, once, maybe twice, before turning around and going back to sleep. He did probably hope that whatever problem Rainbow was currently facing wouldn't turn out all too serious, but he'd also acquainted himself with her habits by now. This wasn't exactly a new phenomena. And what could he possibly do about it, anyway? After all, he was only a turtle.

"No, silly. It's called tortoise."

Well...yes, I suppose it is. Sorry, Pinkie.