Friends of all shapes and sizes

by Phoenix43

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro, Dark, Adventure
Length: 1930

Equestria. Land of many creatures. And total hell hole. Join Garrett in a world of overly friendly ponies. They want to protect him and become his friend, he wants to be left alone. This can only go but so well.

Garrett, a practitioner of Lunarkinesis, former friend/student of Celestia. This unlikely partnership/friendship, like you'd expect, doesn't work out and Celestia uses the Elements of Harmony on Garrett. "I only tried to kill her" Garrett, do you even want a story? "Fine, I'll go, [size=0.75em]cockfag[/size]" Any more distractions? No? Good, now after some nine hundred odd years, Garrett's back and re-"I'M BACK BITCHES" Get the fuck out! We good? You gone? Alright, Garrett's back, and seeks redemption for his past actions. Join him on his path of redemption and harsh revelations of the world he's returned to. 'While also having to explain some things to us, and deal with his fear of losing control near us, or what about.' Pinkie, I will give you to the count of five, to get out of here, and wait patiently for your appearance later in the story. If not, I will remove you now. 'No, please. I'll be good, I'll be good.' Damn right you will. I'm beginning the story now, before I lose my sanity.
Also, this story was based on an idea that a friend of mine suggested, leading to an idea. What if I challenge you all to think of an idea, tell a friend and see how they interpret it. Well. I hope I don't disappoint her(especially since the OC is hers, but based on me Additional tag:Comedy[grim, Shakespearean, funny, and poor]).

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-30 21:29:53 UTC

Prologue: Introductions

Enclosed in this file, is the report of a creature thought to be extinct. It calls itself a human, and refers to itself as a "he" we have no ways to disprove this. As of now, he's the only human in Equestria. The human, is able to stand vertically, at around six hooves tall, and weighs 160 pounds. It claims to be able to perform a strange form of magic called 'lunarkinesis' every time we call it magic, he says it's telepathic manipulation, nothing more, nothing less. The following is all known information on the creature, the information is credible, coming directly from the Canterlot archives, and Princess Celestia herself.

History:

Not much is known about the creature, other than its name/ nickname. It calls itself by the name of Garrett, but prefers to be called Luna Signum. He refuse to disclose any personal information, except for his name and occupation: Assassin. This caused extreme concern, as there is an assassin with unknown skills running around equestria. As for family; when asked, he becomes hostile or changes the subject. This shows signs of some type of past traumatizing event.

Appearance:

Garrett is a bipedal creature known as a human. He stands on two legs, like us, and has arms that end with hands, like us. That's where the similarities end. He has thin hair covering his body, but it doesn't seem like it is enough to keep him warm if it gets cold enough. He has a large quantity of hair on his head, that he styles so that way it's shorter on the back of his head, and he styles the longer, frontal, part of his hair into a spiked appearance. He has told us that if he ever used his 'lunarkinesis' the blonde coloring of his hair changes, and becomes white as snow. His eyes are a shade of electric blue. He also says his eyes will change from blue to red, and his Scleras become black.

This leads us to believe that his 'lunarkinesis' causes harm to him every time he uses it, and has greatly unnerved Celestia, who is [Currently] trying to help Garrett. When asked about the need of clothing, he simply stood up, undid the top of his jeans, and flashed everypony in the room. Prompting an immediate understanding. While on the topic, he wears blue jeans, brown hiking shoes, gray and black finger-less gloves, a black t-shirt, a black hoodie that when the hood is on, it covers his eyes from everypony. Along with that, he claims to have two hidden blades on him at all times. Based on this startling bit of information has caused him to be labeled armed and dangerous. This label is accurate as he once tried to murder Princess Celestia.

Abilities:

His abilities far exceed expectations. He is a skilled fighter, and honed assassin. Garrett prefers to look at problems strategically before acting, making him a formidable opponent on the battlefield. The Princess herself once said that "If you want to fight him, you'd better come prepared to beg for mercy." meaning that his experience on the field is one truly terrifying. Mentioned earlier, this ability of 'lunarkinesis' is one of pure terror and wonder. Though only used once, for others to see, his attackers were quickly, brutally, and horrifyingly dispatched. When he was approached by the guards, he merely said, "that was the Dark Pulse, be lucky that wasn't the Lunar Impact." sending a wave of fear throughout the guards. The prospect of him knowing something more powerful than what was displayed is terrifying. Despite this, he tries to be as friendly as possible, even when some of the ponies treat him like filth. We believe him to have some form of mental illness, but he just says, "All I have is ADHD, it's like ADD, but only hyperactive!"

Final Thoughts/Closing message:

Garrett may be calm one minute, but find a way to aggravate him, and you'll wish you would've just left him alone. [Update] Garrett lives in ponyville, along with the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony. The one he resides with is that of Kindness, Fluttershy. She was the only pony to take him in, when nopony else would. While he shows her the most amount of respect, he still won't tell her anything about himself. He attends the school down in ponyville, and on more than one occasion, attempted to strangle one of the fillies; Diamond Tiara. He is incredibly smart, and aces most of the tests, and despite the gender inequality of about 15 mares to every 1 stallion, that's what surprises him. It's also the thing that annoys him the most, when the mares go out of their way to protect him. He raises his left hand, and points his palm to the sky, extending his hidden blade. On one occasion, he swiftly took the life of a guards mare in Canterlot. Proving that he is not one to be trifled with. "A necessary risk, for some peace and quiet." he is often heard saying.[End Update]

Now that he's returned, the Princess wants to make sure that he'll always be protected. To do this, she sends a small group of guards out, but they always return the same way; beaten, broken, and bloodied, with the same note taped on one of them, 'If these are the elites, I'd be terrified, because I'm not even trying.' This is all that's known about Garrett, and unless he decides to, this will be all we know about him.

Equestria, 900 years before MLP:FIM

"Do you have any idea how serious this offense is? I may be able to tolerate you, but I don't think the princess will forgive you for this." a guard says as I'm brought to two large doors. The doors become incased in a yellow light that then pulls the doors open.

"Enter." a firm but gentle voice calls from inside.

"Move." the guard demands, pushing me forwards into the room. Once inside, I see two thrones, one dark as night, and the other, bight as the day.

"Your majesty." The guards say while kneeling, " We found this creature causing panic in the castle foyer." the lead asshole says.

"Why do you call it a creature? It looks like us." The voice says. The guards glance at each other before rising up, and pulling me over to them.

"We call it a creature Princess, because it lacks the runes needed to be able to perform any magic, but it managed to create a sphere about nine inches in diameter. What it did next is to horrifying to describe." left asshole explains.

"No it's not. What I did is not horrifying at all, I was attacked, so I retaliated, although painting the room red white and gold was an unintentional side effect." See, nothing to it. The princess looks at me with mixed emotions, fear, anger, compassion, and hatred.

"Is this true? Did you commit a crime in the castle?" She asks.

"Murder counts as a crime here right?" I ask.

"Guards, leave us. I will decide what to do with this thing from here." she tells the guards, who walk away with renewed vigor.

"Look, I like you, I really do." ["Cut the crap Celestia, you know you hate me."]you've been nothing but helpful these past few months, please, I want to believe that what you said is false, but with several eye witnesses, and your statement, I'm afraid I have no choice." I look at her incredulously, "I Princess Celestia, hereby sentence you to trial by Harmony." She declares. Slamming a hoof down on the floor for effect.

"Trial by Harmony? That sounds like a horrible video game level." I say to myself. As I'm thinking about what that means, Princess Celestia levitates over six stones, and places them around me in a circle.

"What's this?"

"These are the Elements of Harmony. They are tools of ultimate balance, and divine judgement." 'So they are crappy video game items' I think to myself, "These Elements will decide whether or not I punish you, or if you're worthy enough for redemption. Seeing as you just committed murder, i'd start praying." She says to me.

"Ha! Oh, that's rich, magic, divine rocks. I don't know what shit you're smoking, but it must be strong." I say, causing a confused look from her. "Look, lady. If you want to see true power I'll show you, but rocks that'll decide my fate? That is just too good." I say, fight the urge to laugh like a maniac at the idea of super powered rocks. To prove a point, I focus all of my rage into the shape of a racquetball on my left hand.

"How is this possible? You have no magical signature, yet you're holding a sphere of magic in your hand." Celestia says shocked.

"See something you don't like? Or are you afraid. Afraid that someone has enough power to stand up against you?" I say, growling a bit. By this point, the Elements started to power up.

"How are you doing that?" she asks, "ANSWER ME!" Celestia yells.

"It's simple really, just telepathic manipulation. Nothing to serious." I say while holding the sphere in front of my face, "This is a little attack I call the Dark pulse." I tell her as the sphere quickly expands from 2.25 inches wide, to about 9 inches in diameter. I look to a wall where it looks like it won't do damage, once my target is found, I bring the sphere back, and throw it straight at Celestia. She jumps out of the way, but the sphere impacts her throne, and explodes, creating a small one foot by one foot hole on the back of the throne. As I stand back up from my pitchers position, Celestia is smirking. 'what? I showed her something tat destroyed another person. So why does she just stand there?' I think to myself.

Underneath me, the Elements spark to life, creating a wall of rainbows. 'Holy shit! It's attack of the gays.Good for them, they do have a spine.' I think as the rainbow wall stops, and begins to close in on me.

"What's happening to me!? I can't move!" I yell as an unfamiliar feeling crawls up my arms and legs.

"This is the power of Harmony, and it looks like it has decided you're unfit for Equestria. It's petrifying you as we speak, soon you'll be a statue. You don't have to worry. They'll release you, once they decide you've learned your lesson." Celestia says to me.

"If any thing, this hurts me more than it hurts you. I have to live with knowing that I hurt one of my friends, no, my family. You just become a statue for a little while." Celestia sighs before smiling again, "If anything you're the one who benefits here. You get to think about what you've done."

"Celestia! When I get my hands on you, you're going to wish you were never born!" I yell, and before I can say anything else, the petrification process seals my mouth, as it covers my vision, the last thing I see, is Celestia standing there smiling as I'm put through unbearable pain. As my organs become petrified as well, I'm forced to see that wretched smile burn itself into my mind, as the world fades to black.