Confound You Red Dot

by Thorax

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1530

You ever harass an animal with a laser pointer?
Ya it's kind of like that, but instead it's Nightmare Moon.

Published 2012-05-15 08:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-15 08:34:01 UTC

The Story

[Authors Note: This is a short story I've written within a 1 - 2 hour time period in an attempt to break my writers block. Take everything as seriously as possible, it only makes it funnier.]

"Sister, what prey tell is that?" asked the midnight alicorn her hoof pointed at the space metallic object her sister held aloft above her head, a golden glow controlling it's direction.

"Shhh" Celestia hissed as she pulled both herself and Luna below the balcony railing "Look down there and stay quiet."

Luna did as she was ordered and focused her gaze to the enclosed garden below. At first she noticed nothing out of the ordinary; the Night Watch had taken up their posts in the positions previously held by the Sun Guards. Nothing seemed different about the garden except for the lack of any of the royal creatures. However, their absence was easily explained the events of the previous evening.

"27 Manticores in one garden, they said it could never been done." Luna muttered to herself with a silenced giggle.

"Shhhhh" the Sun Goddess hissed again, this time placing a hoof over her sister’s mouth and pointing towards the wooden gate.

Luna fixed her gaze on the large wooden gate below, nothing about it seemed different. She continued to stare at the gate, willing it to do something interesting....

Nothing

"Celestia what exactly am I looki-" as if on cue her question was answered as the large wooden gate leading into the garden was blasted. Tiny wooden flakes rained from the heavens and small piece of smoldering wood began to light up the trees. Luna's gaze quickly shifted around the now burning court yard, searching for any signs of the guards. Thankfully Celestia motioned to a small window where the two guards had taken shelter.

"Sister, what is happening here? Are we under attack?"

Celestia shook her head and small grin forming on her face. "Give it a moment my dear Luna; I'm sure you'll understand."

Once again as if on cue the sound of thundering hoof beats filled the court yard. A Few seconds later the source of the sound came into few.

Nightmare Moon stood in the middle of her glorious carnage, a thick layer of shadows coating her body and eye's as black as the pits of Tartarus. Her hate filled gaze shifted across the burning garden looking for any signs of movements, any signs of the foul creature that had tormented her for roughly the past thirty seven minutes.

A creature that had crawled out of the darkest abyss known to ponies or gods alike, it appeared to have no physical form which meant there was no real way to harm it, except for magic, which through some unholy pact with some foul creature it was immune to. The only way of telling when the creature approached for another attack was a small red dot, which it would use to blind its prey before moving in for the kill.

Celestia remained atop her balcony, not a single sign of fear smudged her flawlessness. Sadly the same couldn't be said for Luna who had now assumed the fetal position.

"Oh stop being such a foal Luna and enjoy the show." Celestia snorted

Her sister’s comment snapped her out of her fear induced paralysis.

"What do you mean enjoy the show? The garden is on fire! Nightmare's on a rampage and Discord ate all the marshmallows in the cereal again."

A look of pure terror began to fill Celestia's eyes "Oh buck me." she muttered.

"Now you're finally grasping the situation, we are all going to die."

The look of terror was quickly wiped from Celestia's face and replaced with confusion.

"How are we all going to die? All he did was eat the marshmallows, it's not like we’re foals. In fact we're Princesses we can have all the marshmallows we want." She finished with a large smile

Now it was Luna's turn to look confused.

"If nothing I said was a problem why did you look so scared?"

"She found the guards spears."

"The what?"

"The spears! The guards spea-" Celestia was cut off as large black spear knocked the crown right off her head.

"I see you foul creature!" echoed the booming shouts of Nightmare Moon from below. "Show yourself and I may make your death quick. Continue to hide up there like a coward and I'll burn the entire castle down if that's what it takes."

Luna and Celestia both held themselves as closely to the balcony floor as possible, both of them unwilling to be the first to peak out.

"What did you do to her?!" Asked the panicked Night Princess

Celestia laughed and held up the small metal device she had been using just before Luna had arrived.

"Laaaaaaaaser pointer!" she said with grin.

Once again terror filled Luna's eyes as she flashed back to the years of torment when her sister had first discovered this evil divine created by ponies.

51Minutes Earlier.

"Clean your room Celestia, it looks like a mess Celestia." Celestia muttered to herself in a cheap imitation of her sister "Sheesh Luna, you’re not our mother. Heck we don't even have parent and yet you've still made me feel like a foal."

It was as if Celestia stood in the middle of a war zone. Everything lay in ruins, her bed partially burned. She paused for a moment and let a goofy grin slip as she flashed back to that special night. The dragon ambassador had sent his eldest son in his place and she made sure relations with the dragons remained quite strong. Sadly, her favorite pillows had been a sacrifice to the safety of Equestria.

Her gaze began to shift once again as she continued to survey the outlining wastelands known only as "Celestia's Room" and land so dangerous not even Discord dared to enter without a guide.

"Fine, I'll clean my room." Celestia growled to herself "But I won't like it."

At first everything had gone quite slow as she had to separate the garbage from her actual belongings, if any creature had seen her room they would have been in complete disbelief, there was no possible way a Princess could eat that much junk food and yet the proof managed to fill two and a half bags.

After what felt like hours, but in reality was little more than ten minutes Celestia discovered something that truly shocked her.

She had a floor, she was almost certain it was a large black void the last time she checked.

"There, the deed is done and now I'm free."

As Celestia began to walk towards the exit something shiny caught her eye. She approached the source of the glare, her bed. The one place not even she dared to tread, the a little known fact to almost any creature in Equestria was the fact that entrance to Tartarus was located under Celestia's bed.

Celestia put her worst fears at the back of her minds, she was almost an eighty percent sure she locked the gate last time. With her new found courage she reached a hoof under her bed and swept for her prize. After several mind numbing seconds she heard a thump as the small metal object shot out from under her bed.

A truly evil grin swept across Celestia's face as she realized what she had just found.

Meanwhile in the kitchen

A groggy Nightmare Moon sat at the small wooden table located in the castle kitchen. A small bowl of cereal slowly going soggy in front of her.

Discord sat inside the pantry slowly going through each and every box of Cereal making sure not a single marshmallow was missed.

"Discord, if you're going to destroy all the good part of Cereal could you at least pass some of it over here?" asked the groggy midnight alicorn.

With a flash of light Nightmare quickly began to regret her request as she was buried under a small mountain of marshmallows. The only thing keeping her from being crushed was the simple fact that they were marshmallows. If they hadn't been marshmallows it would have been quite messy.

With another flash of light, Nightmare vaporized her delicious and soft prison.

"You know what? I'm not hungry anymore." With that Nightmare gripped the small bowl with her magic and made her way towards the sink. However, she was rudely interrupted as her vision was filled with a horrible shade of red causing her to lose her balance and send her soggy "Breakfast" into the air, sadly for her gravity brought it right back down.

From her vantage point up on the rafters Celestia watched as Nightmare continued to slip on the spilled milk.

Oh this this going to be the most fun I've had in eons. Celestia told herself as she prepared the laser pointer for another strike.

[End Note: Sorry again if this seems rushed, I just needed to write something to try and get myself out of this block. Not sure if it worked or not, but I did have fun writing this short little story.]