Mysteries of the Llamazon
What I most love and hate about archeology is the unpredictability. An expedition to, say, Neighcaragua could mean spending hours with a brush in my teeth as I clean delicate Quetzalcoatl artifacts or flying for my life as a living tribe of the feathered serpents tries to bring me down because Caballeron framed me for stealing their most sacred relic.
Last time I went to Neighcaragua, both happened.
That proves my point, really. You never know what you’re going to get in this field. In college, I had to familiarize myself with eight ancient mythologies, six extinct languages, and four martial arts, and that was just for my bachelor’s.
Thus, when I found myself in a dingy bar for tapirs in upper Llamazonia, waiting for an informant like I was Con Mane (who isn’t nearly as suave in person,) it was business as usual. This wasn’t even the first time I’d been to this particular watering hole, and it was just as cramped and poorly lit as I remembered it. The bartender even remembered me and gave me my order from last time, something syrupy that tasted like mangoes and pain. I needed it.
I didn’t have to wait long. My informant ducked inside a few minutes after I got my drink. I was surprised to see another pony, but with a name like Bromeliad, I suppose I should’ve been expecting it. Still, even ponies without wings tend to find tapir places claustrophobic, given the size discrepancy. I managed by telling myself it was just another ruin. The state of the tables made that easy to believe.
I waited for the earth pony to make the first move. I'd been burned by impostor informants before. He moved straight to my table. Well, I wasn’t exactly hard to spot. We were the only people here who didn’t look like pigs with prehensile snouts. Still, I nursed my mug of electric death jelly until he whispered, “Daring Do?”
I set down my drink and nodded. “That’s me.”
“I am Bromeliad,” he said.
"What's the code phrase?"
He blinked, his ears folding back. "There was a code phrase?"
I smiled. “No, but I can't be too careful.” I looked around. “So, why Baird’s? Not exactly an inconspicuous place for two ponies to meet.”
“Ahuizotl has few friends among the tapirs," said Bromeliad. "We are safe here.”
I scowled into my drink. “Nowhere’s really safe from him.” I sighed. “But I suppose if we haven’t been pounced on by jungle cats yet, then this place is fairly secure. So, what can you tell me about the Weapon?”
He took on a familiar, distant look. Great, he was a storyteller. Some informants could just give me a quick rundown, but others had to make a production out of it. Totally different from the novels; I only work on those after I’ve saved the world. “The origins of the Weapon of the Ancients are lost to the ages,” Bromeliad intoned.
Celestia help me, I had an intoner. I kept my expression civil. “I’ve gathered that much.”
“For generations, the legends have been passed down from father to son, mother to daughter, but some has still been lost. We do not know the name of whoever crafted it, but it was definitely the work of the capuchins.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Monkey magic? That’s some unstable stuff.” Unicorns saw birds in the sky and wrote flight spells. Zebras brewed levitation potions. Monkeys made jetpacks out of bamboo and fruit juice.
Bromeliad nodded. “Indeed. And the Weapon was said to be a destructive force the likes of which had never been seen. Its wielder was unbeatable in battle.”
I glowered. “All the more reason for Ahuizotl not to have it.”
“Agreed.”
“So, what happened to it?”
He took on the storyteller's stare again. “The Weapon changed hands many times, its wielder undone by treachery and trickery where direct conflict was fruitless. Each time, the slayer took up the Weapon and became more terrible than the one before him, until its final wielder, whose name has been struck from history, was poisoned by his followers, who feared the power more than they coveted it. They took the Weapon and sealed it in the deepest part of the jungle—“
I groaned. “Of course they did. And no doubt the seal keeps out all but the worthy, where worth is defined as whoever can get through a gauntlet of traps that are still in perfect working order despite untold years in hot, humid conditions.” I knew how trap preservation spells worked, but it was still an annoying pattern.
“Actually, no,” said Bromeliad.
I blinked. “Wait, what?”
“No, Miss Do, the monkeys feared the Weapon too much to risk anyone claiming it.”
I nodded. “I see.” That told me a lot. Not just about the danger of the Weapon—again, these were creatures who thought brewing rocket fuel from fruit juice was a good idea—but also its endurance. If the monkeys feared it that much, but it still existed, then it was one of the tough magic items. You could never tell; some items of power could survive a dip in an active volcano, while others would break if you looked at them funny.
“Indeed," said Bromeliad, "they feared it so much that they’re still sealing it.”
My jaw dropped. “What?”
“The memory of what the Weapon was has been lost, Miss Do, but its danger has not. To this day, all the peoples of Llamazonia continue to build upon the Weapon’s seal. The monkeys, the tapirs, even we ponies.”
I sputtered for a bit. The sheer scale of such an undertaking... “H-how long has this been going on?”
Bromeliad shrugged. “For as long as we know.”
“Where is it?”
He laughed. “Once you know where to look, Miss Do, it is obvious.”
I thought about it. The deepest part of the jungle. Millennia of seals. My eyes bugged out. “You can’t possibly mean… You’re saying Mount Peligroso is artificial? Countless years of civilization’s efforts devoted to guarding this one thing?” To think that the crackpots were right about the mysterious mountain at the center of the Llamazon basin, defying all geological understanding. It wouldn’t be the first time, but that didn’t make it any less of a shock.
“So the legends say.” Bromeliad smiled. “If nothing else, Miss Do, Ahuizotl will be hard-pressed to claim the Weapon of the Ancients for himself.”
All the pieces came together. I bolted to my hooves. “No, Bromeliad. He knew. He knew and he came prepared. Come on." I made for the door.
"Where are we going?" Good, he was following me.
I stopped outside of Baird's and turned back to him. "You tell me. I need the fastest transportation in town."
Bromeliad frowned. "Are you not a pegasus? Couldn't you just fly over the jungle?"
"All the way to Mount Peligroso? It's hundreds of miles. I might be able to make it that far, but I'd be dead on my hooves by the time I got there." If it had been a decade ago... I shook my head. No sense in dwelling on what I couldn't change. "If I know Ahuizotl, he's probably already there. I need to get there as quickly as I can and still have enough juice to take him down. You're the local. What options do I have?"
"I can get you an airship."
"Really?" I tilted my head. "I've seen the town from above. Never saw so much as a gasbag."
Bromeliad nodded. "Yes, but I never said anything about a pony airship."
When most ponies hear the word "airship," they picture the sky gondolas nobles use for pleasure cruises, boats tethered to balloons full of rarified cloudstuff and propelled by magic.
Monkey airships have virtually nothing in common with them. Here, in a field just outside of town, the one I was looking at could best be described as a half of a lengthwise-cut barrel with window shutters on the sides, a windmill jammed on the front, and a set of scooter wheels jutting out from the bottom. The monkeys call them "planes," supposedly because of those stiff shutter-wings. I say it's because anypony would have to be plain crazy to ride in one.
Well, crazy or desperate, and I was definitely the latter. Still... "You're sure this is the best option?" I asked Bromeliad.
He nodded, just like he had the last four times I asked. "I assure you, Daring, Plucks-the-Fruit and Chews-the-Ant are the best pilots in all Llamazonia."
The pilots grinned at me and saluted. The only reason I could tell the two monkeys apart was the scarf Plucks-the-Fruit wore.
"And they're trustworthy?"
Bromeliad nodded. "They, more than anyone, understand the magnitude of your mission. Monkeys would never let the Weapon fall into evil hands."
"Right!"
"Right!"
I held back a wince. Their speech was fast and shrill, barking out the words like they wanted little to do with them. I sighed. "Can't afford to be choosy. Alright, you two. Let's get going."
Judging by the sun, it only took a few hours before the blunt peak of Mount Peligroso was visible. It felt more like an eternity. Between the propeller buzzing like a half-ton bumblebee, the plane rattling like a low-level earthquake, and the smell of burnt coconut oil from the exhaust, it was an assault on the senses. The cramped conditions didn't help; I was crammed in the back with barely enough room to spread my wings. And while the pilots may have been the best in the country, that didn't keep them from complaining about how my weight was throwing off the craft's balance.
Fortunately, after getting strapped in more deathtraps than I care to remember, I have a lot of experience with thinking in less than ideal conditions. Ignoring everything wasn't easy, but I managed to consider the situation.
When I knew what to look for, Mount Peligroso’s true nature was obvious. Its shallow slopes weren't because of erosion, but the product of one ruin stacked on top of another ad infinitum. Even from here, the foliage was visibly younger and sparser than its surroundings from being frequently disturbed. I wouldn't be surprised if most of those trees bore the coincidental-looking scratches of tapir runecraft.
It probably hadn't stopped Ahuizotl, though. I needed to, and that was far from guaranteed. Despite what my books might have claimed, I didn’t have a perfect record against Ahuizotl. I may have always survived our encounters, but sometimes I couldn’t keep him from getting away with whatever item of power had caught his interest. I’d been lucky; the ones he’d claimed weren't suitable tools for world domination. At least, not individually, but if he had done what I thought he had...
"Hey! Hey pony!" The shriek, even louder to be heard over the engine, shook me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah?" I looked around. Peligroso was looming closer. "Almost there, huh?"
Chews-the-Ant nodded. "Near drop point! Get ready!"
I couldn't really stand up in the contraption, so I shifted over to the side. The plane began to tip, and I flinched back.
"No! No!" Chews-the-Ant shouted. "Crazy horse! Stay in center!"
I scowled. "Then how am I supposed to get out?"
Chews-the-Ant turned back to his controls. "Cargo drop."
"Cargo drop?" I echoed.
"Cargo drop," said Plucks-the-Fruit, who hopped onto my back.
I turned and glared at him. "No pony rides, pal. And what do you mean 'cargo drop'?"
He didn't say anything, just whipped off his scarf and... I blinked. That's it, I just blinked. How'd he get that thing tied around my wings so fast?
"Cargo drop!" Chews-the-Ant cried. I turned back to him just in time to see him pull a lever set in the floor of the plane.
Then the floor fell out from under me. I dropped and instinctively tried to open my wings. They strained against the thin fabric binding them, but couldn't break through. Monkey magic.
Plucks-the-Fruit laughed right in my ear. "Pony fall! Pony splat!"
I thrashed in the air, but those little fingers had a tight grip on my mane. "Do you even know what you've done?"
He patted my head, the little brat. "Ponies take everything so serious. Ahuizotl chasing after old legend. Big deal. Good pay."
"You're going to crash too, you idiot!"
"Got necklace under scarf. Tapir rune. Not hurt when fall. But you hurt! You gonna splash!"
I smirked. "Am I?" I shifted my weight and started to roll in the air, pointing myself nose-down.
Plucks-the-Fruit clung tighter, but I could feel his hands slipping. "Too late! Too late! Not... gonna..." He screamed as his grip failed and he was sent flying.
Without him feeding more power into the quick-and-dirty bindings, they were easy to break. Of course, I was still in free fall, but this was far from my first or my worst. I opened my wings gradually, lest I tear them off, milking out more and more lift.
I won't lie; it was close. I was able to turn it into a humongous swoop, but I was still low enough that the tops of trees were brushing against me. Going by how they kept brushing even as I rose, I must have been streaking up the side of Mount Peligroso.
One last tuft of leaves brushed my nose as I shed the last of the fall's velocity. I sneezed.
"Bless you, Daring Do."
That was all the warning I got. It was all I needed. I shifted left just in time to avoid a red-glowing ray. Whatever the magic did, it left my right wing a little numb just from getting near it.
I looked down. A patch of bare dirt marked the peak of Peligroso, and Ahuizotl stood atop it. I couldn't make out what ancient relic he held, especially since he was thrusting it at me again.
The next beam came high. I dived, and was immediately tackled by a leaping tiger. Two hooves to its gut tossed it off before we hit the ground, and once there, I rolled, avoiding a pouncing panther. Ahuizotl fired again, and I leapt over it, taking to the air again, trying to keep him and his henchcats in view.
Ahuizotl tried to ground me again, but I went right instead. Right where the lynx wanted me, in fact. It sank its claws into my sides, but it was the one who took the brunt of the landing, releasing me. The cheetah came at me, but I leapfrogged over it. I winced as I flapped for more lift. My flight muscles did not appreciate the lynx's tender mercies. Pretty sure I gave the cheetah a few new spots as I passed over it.
I landed, head darting around the clearing as I tried to keep all five in view. Then something slammed into me, my view went white, and pain lashed across my muzzle.
I screamed and flailed, my focus shot. Then my view went crimson, and the scratching felt like a summer breeze compared to what I then felt. I screamed. This was worse than broken bones, worse than punctured organs, even worse than the time an alicorn's ghost tried to tear out my soul. If anything, it felt like Ahuizotl was succeeding where that thing had failed.
Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, it ended. I collapsed, barely breathing, my ears ringing from my own cries of pain. If I didn’t hurt so much, I would’ve thought I was dead. My wings had gone totally numb and everything else felt like it was made of molten lead, all searing heat and crushing weight. I had no idea how I was still conscious.
The tiger lifted me up by the collar of my jacket and dragged me to Ahuizotl. The fiend himself was chuckling at me, stroking the housecat who had distracted me long enough for him to get in a hit. "Excellent work, Mitzi," he cooed. Clutched in his tail hand were a pair of artifacts I’d been unable to keep from him, the very ones I'd been worried about. A reptilian arm with three fingers, crafted from gold, clutched a length of smooth, black horn carved with fell sigils.
I grunted as the tiger dropped me at Ahuizotl's feet. “The Talon of Triumph,” I croaked.
Ahuizotl’s grin widened as only his could. “And the Horn of Hunger. One a magical catalyst that does nothing on its own. The other a fragment of Lord Tirek the Devourer, with a whisper of his power. Alone, mere curiosities. Together?” He chuckled again. “Well, they seem to have done quite well against you, Daring Do.”
“And now you want the Weapon of the Ancients?” The pain was fading, but I still felt terribly heavy. “You’ve all but broken Tirek out of Tartarus. How much power do you need?”
“As much as I can get, of course." Ahuizotl tossed and caught the Talon a few times. "Together, these trinkets are powerful, but they do not promise power that cannot be defeated.”
I struggled up to my hooves, glaring at him. “You should have killed me. I will stop you.”
He laughed. “And how do you plan on doing that? I have sucked your magic, your very life, down to the dregs. You are nothing now. Just look at your haunches if you don’t believe me.”
I sneered. “And the moment I take my eyes off of you—“
“I will do nothing.” Ahuizotl held up the hands that weren’t on his tail. “I swear on the memory of the ahuizotl race and the death curse that created me.”
It was an oath on his very essence, one even he couldn't break. I gulped and turned.
I saw nothing.
That was the problem.
“My cutie mark!” I jumped and spread my wings. The air went through them like I was five years old again. I ate dirt.
Ahuizotl cackled. “Did you not listen, Daring Do? You cannot fly. Your very destiny has left you. You are as an empty shell. Twice you have failed, and with this third failure, I will do to you what you have done to me so many times before. I will drive you to the depths of despair. Then and only then will I end your miserable life.”
I got back up.
He shook his head. “You do not know when to quit, do you?” He clapped his hands, and the cats came for me.
I threw myself at the lynx, rear leg extended in my favorite Katabatic Hoof strike. Without flight magic or a convenient drop, I made it about halfway there before hitting the ground. I felt a paw on my back, and I didn’t struggle. There was dogged resistance, and then there was just embarrassing myself.
“Give up?” said Ahuizotl.
“For now.”
He smirked. “Let her up.” He waited until I was standing before he went on. “I should thank you, Daring Do. It was slow going, trying to feed the Horn with the magic seals and preservation spells guarding the Weapon of the Ancients. It is not meant to consume such things, even when enhanced by the Talon’s power.” He thrust the Talon heavenwards. Clouds began to form overhead, swirling like a hurricane. “But now that the Horn has tasted pegasus magic, I can direct its power through that magic, tearing through every spell in this mountain with a single almighty bolt!”
I backed away, stopping only when the cats started growling. “Are you insane!? Lightning of that magnitude would kill us all, even if you weren't stuffing it full of magic!”
Ahuizotl rubbed his chin. “Hmm. I suppose you would know more on the subject than I. Very well.”
He waved his hand. “Go, my children. Run to safety. I will call you again when my triumph is complete. You will still get your victory meal.”
Given the looks the cats gave me before they ran down the slopes, I could guess what the entree would be if I couldn’t turn this around. “And as for me? I suppose you think frying me with my own magic is funny.”
“Well, there is a certain pleasant irony to it, but no.” A wave of the Talon, and transparent veils of magic wrapped around Ahuizotl and me. “There. Preservation spells do not last long without anchoring runes, but when enhanced with the Talon, they will survive even when the stable ones fall, and we shall survive with them.” Ahuizotl looked up, his head all but splitting open with his grin. The skies had gone black, storm clouds roiling like a pit of vipers.
Part of me felt a bit of pride. I’d never really gotten the hang of weather work. The rest of me just covered my eyes, hunkered down, and kept trying to think of a way out of this.
That thought process was interrupted by a light I could see through my legs and a thunderclap that should’ve made my head explode. Ahuizotl wasn’t kidding about the preservation spell. I wasn’t even dazzled when I stood back up, and I could hear his cackling just fine.
"You see?" he cried.
I saw. Dirt had been blasted away, revealing worn masonry, the roof of an ancient building. Several yards away, a red-hot tunnel glowed with heat. I walked up to it and looked down. The shaft was twice as wide as my wingspan and went down as far as I could see, radiant all the way down. "You were a bit off-center." Hey, falling back on humor is a recognized coping mechanism, and I had a lot that I needed to cope with just then.
"Intentionally," said Ahuizotl. "Pitting relic against relic is risky, as you and I have proven time and again. I dare not risk destroying the keystone of my conquest. Now to fetch it!" He grabbed me and leaped down the tunnel.
I winced at first, expecting to roast. But while the walls glowed with heat, I didn't even feel uncomfortable. The preservation spell again. Still, all of that molten rock had to go somewhere... "Shouldn't we be hitting a big puddle of magma at some point?"
Ahuizotl smirked. "It seems you do not grasp just how far I dug."
Wow. I noticed how quickly we were dropping "We're still going to break every bone in our bodies, aren't we?"
Our velocity got a lot less terminal. Ahuizotl smirked as he hovered. "Pegasus magic, Daring Do."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, just get on with it."
He tutted and resumed the descent. "Such a sore loser."
"How many times have you shouted at the heavens, cursing my name?"
"Merely catharsis. Ah!" We slowed again and drifted into a crudely dug chamber. It was probably stately for the capuchins who built it, but it was only half the size of Baird's bar. "We have arrived." With a wave of the Talon, Ahuizotl summoned a sourceless light. "Now behold, Daring Do! Behold the Weapon of the Ancients!"
I beheld. So did he. What felt like hours passed as the two of us took in the Weapon, resting on an undecorated dais. At some point, he dropped me. I barely noticed.
Eventually, Ahuizotl broke the silence. "Is this some kind of joke!?"
I shook my head. "No, no, it makes sense."
His gaze stayed locked on the Weapon, but I saw all three fists clench. "How? How could this possibly make sense?"
"Well, for one, remember who made it. The Weapon is going to be sized for a capuchin."
He stomped his foot. "I had accounted for that, but not this travesty!"
"Think about the legends. 'Destructive power the likes of which had never been seen.' Emphasis on 'had.'" I smiled. "I'm sure it was quite impressive in its day."
"Impressive?" Ahuizotl marched up to the dais and took hold of the Weapon of the Ancients. "This is a tree branch!"
I shrugged my wings. "Hey, tool use is a big paradigm shift. Besides, weapons don't get much more ancient than clubs."
Ahuizotl growled, then, visibly shaking, forced himself into a calm state. "It matters not. As you noted, I still possess the powers of Tirek himself. And given what I can do with just one pony's magic..." He trailed off and gave a predatory grin. "Time to die, Daring Do."
I lowered my head.
He thrust his tail hand at me.
I raised my head, the Talon of Triumph in my mouth.
Ahuizotl's jaw dropped. "What!?"
I shut my eyes, crossed my pinions, and gave a mental tug on the Horn of Hunger. My magic came flooding back to me in a rush of sensation that felt as good as getting it sucked out of me hadn't. I took to the air. It was only a few feet of altitude, but I still savored it. I moved the Talon to my forehooves and said, "You dropped it along with me. You just never noticed."
"This... You..." With a blood-curdling screech, Ahuizotl charged at me.
I backtracked and went up the shaft. I didn't feel any heat; the preservation spell was still holding.
Ahuizotl almost flew out of the Weapon's chamber. Almost. And there was quite a lot of tunnel left. I heard that most wonderful sound:
"Curse you, Daring Do! CUUUUUUURSE YOOOOOOOU!"
I gave a satisfied sigh as I spread my wings. The walls were still radiating heat, and the shaft was basically a chimney producing one heck of a thermal. "He'll probably be back," I said to myself, "but that's two mistakes taken care of."
Once I restored the preservation spells, they began filling in the lightning tunnel. It would take a while, but Mount Peligroso wasn't exactly a heavily trafficked area.
Once that was done, I took off. I soon spotted a very familiar device at the foot of the mountain.
I slammed to the ground right in front of Plucks-the-Fruit and Chews-the-Ant. Going by the fruit around them, they were either having lunch or refueling. I grinned and brandished the Talon of Triumph. "Hello again, boys. Care to give me a lift?"
Both gulped.
Turns out the second time in a plane is a lot more enjoyable, especially if you break off the cargo bay release lever first. Still, I wasn't heartless. I gave them something they could carve into a new one, a tree branch that had just been lying around.
