The Curious Case of Princess Celestia
“Today, I consider myself the luckiest pony in Equestria. Thank you, friends. Thank you, everypony!” These were the last words of newly-crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle’s speech. Truly moving, to everyone else. For me, I was too busy trying to get a decent shot of the princess, which was nearly impossible with all the ponies gathered around to see the coronation.
My name is Snap Shot, and I am a journalist for the Ponyville Express. Some people say I was born for this job, seeing how my coat is the color of parchment and mane the color of ink. I was singled out by my boss for this job.
“I need pictures! Pictures of the princess!” he’d said to me.
So, here I was at quite possibly the biggest event in Equestria since, a few months ago. Honestly, at least one of these mares makes the news a week. Whether it be stopping an infestation, sending Cerberus back to the gates of Tartarus, or defeating the Lord of Chaos, they were always up to something interesting, but I digress.
After several minutes of trying to get space to breathe, I held up my camera and focused on the princess. The key to taking any picture in a big crowd is waiting for other ponies to get out of the way of your lens. I finally got my money shot when the princess was being pulled by her carriage, singing of all things. After that, I headed back to my office in Ponyville.
As I waited for my pictures to develop, I started working on the article. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE: EQUESTRIA'S NEWEST PRINCESS!” I wrote down for a headline. [Twilight Sparkle, a unicorn from our own little town of Ponyville has ascended to royalty. What this means for her future, we’ll have to wait and see.] I decided to take a break for a while. I was beat seeing as how I had to rush to Canterlot before any of the other reporters got there. I surveyed the walls adorned with frames of some of my best stories. “LOCAL BAKERS UNVEIL THE M.M.M.M!”, “GABBY GUMS’ IDENTITY REVEALED!”, “DRAGON FOUND NEAR PONYVILLE!” they read. I eyed them with pride. I always brought my camera around with me, just in case something interesting happens. Hasn't failed me yet.
Suddenly, my boss came in. He was a light brown, middle-aged stallion with a greying mane and a small mustache. He was smoking his trademark cigar.
“Well done, Snap Shot!” he said. “By this afternoon, the whole town’ll know about their newest celebrity!” he took a puff and continued talking. “I think you’re ready for a promotion, startin’ now.” he said to me.
“Really?.” I said, trying to withhold my enthusiasm.
“I'm makin' you the official Ponyville Investigative Journalist.” he said.
I was confused. "What's that?"
“You’re basically doing the same job you are now except, this time around, you need to find stories that escape public attention. ‘slip through the cracks’ y’know?” he explained.
“I understand sir. What’s my first assignment?” I asked, eager to get started.
“It’s about another Princess. Princess Celestia to be exact.” he said.
“What’s so interesting about her?” I asked, immediately less eager.
“That’s what you need to find out!” he instructed me. “I suggest you interview her first. Maybe she’ll let slip some details and you can start investigating.” he walked out of my office to take a phone call.
Well, I get the feeling that this is going to be a rather curious case. I thought to myself.
After that, I sat around for the pictures I took to develop. Once they were done, I went back to work.
I took the first train to Canterlot the next day. My stomach was in knots. "Calm down, Snap Shot." I tried to assure myself. "You're only interviewing the RULER OF EQUESTRIA!" I said a bit too loudly. Ponies on the train casted glances at me then went back to their business. The train arrived at the station and I trotted to Canterlot Castle, which was now seemingly abandoned compared to yesterday.
"HALT!" shouted a gruff voice. I looked in front of me to see one of the Royal Guard staring me down. "Do you have permission to enter the castle?" he asked me.
"Um, not e-exactly, but..." I stuttered.
"Ponies may not be allowed inside without the Guard's foreknowledge or some symbol of authority," he said "and, by the looks of it, you're just some pony with a camera." he huffed.
Think, Snap Shot, think! The guard had no foreknowledge of my arrival, but, hey! I suddenly realized I did have a symbol of authority, courtesy of my boss. "I am the official Ponyville Investigative Journalist and I am requesting an interview with Princess Celestia." I said flashing my I.D. badge and talking in my most official voice.
"Investigative Journalist?" the guard pressed. "And just what is it you're investigating about the Princess?" he said, his eyes shooting daggers at me.
"Wouldn't the citizens of Equestria like to know more about their ruler? Not anything incriminating, just, y'know, what she does in her spare time. If she has any that is." I babbled.
"Well, I guess it's ok. But, I'll have some guards watching you closely just in case." he said.
"Thank you sir!" I said giving a salute.
"Just get in there before I change my mind!" snapped the guard.
"Right, sorry." I said sheepishly. I then stepped through the doors of the castle.
Canterlot Castle was a lot bigger than I imagined and far more elegant than anything I'd ever laid eyes on. Everything from the marble, to the vines, to the columns and rugs just screamed "royalty". After admiring the decor, I realized I had no idea where I was going.
"Excuse me!" I called to a passing guard.
"What is it?" the guard asked.
"Could you point me towards the throne room?"
"Sure" the guard said. "Down that hall to the right. Giant doors, can't miss 'em." he instructed. "Since you're not a unicorn, I suggest knocking." he said. "The doors can only be opened by magic since they're so heavy see?" he asked, clearly seeing my confused expression.
"Ok, thanks." I said, and I was on my way.
That guard was right, these doors are HUGE! I bet five ponies could be stacked on top of each other and still not make eye contact with the top frame! I knocked three times and waited. The doors were suddenly surrounded by a brilliant yellow aura. They swung open and I saw the princess. I'd seen her before, but never this close up. "H-Hello." I said. "I am-"
"Snap Shot from Ponyville, I've been expecting you." the princess said. I was kind of irritated that she cut me off, but I know better than to argue with her.
"How did you know I would be here?" I asked.
"The guards informed me of your arrival." she said. They wanted to make sure I was safe. You can never be too careful."
Is it me, or does every word she say sound as smooth as cream? I thought to myself.
"I just wanted to ask you a few questions so that maybe your subjects could know their ruler better." I said.
"Of course," she said. "Have a seat up here so we can hear each other better."
"Ok." I said. Not only was I interviewing the ruler of Equestria, but I was sitting on her throne as well! Little fillies can dream all they want, but this is what it feels like to be a princess.
"First, I wanted to know how you raise the sun." I asked.
"It's not as easy as it looks." she answered. "It requires copious amounts of alicorn magic to make it possible."
"What is this 'Alicorn Magic'?" I asked.
"Alicorn magic, as you would assume, is powerful magic that can only be harnessed by alicorns." she explained. "Ponies liken it to dark magic only because King Sombra, the only non-alicorn ever to harness it's power was a tyrannical dictator, but I can assure you that Dark Magic and Tyranny are two things that my subjects will never have to worry about." she said.
Is it me or are you trying a little too hard to convince me of that Princess? I wondered. Maybe these are the slippery details my boss was telling me about.
"Anything else you want to know?" she asked.
"Yes." I said, snapping out of my internal thoughts. "What was it like 1000 years ago when you ruled alongside your sister?" I said.
"It was hard to rebuild the kingdom after Discord was defeated. We had to deal with King Sombra as well." she said. "As you may have heard, my sister turned into Nightmare Moon and I had no choice but to send her to the moon." she said, the memories obviously painful to bring up.
"Sounds like a tough time." I said.
"Tough is the understatement of my entire rule." she snapped. My heart had ached more than a mother who'd lost her child."
"Sorry, I'll give you a minute." I said.
"No, it's fine." she assured me. "Continue your interview."
The rest of the interview was pretty much the same spiel. I'd ask her a question, she'd reply, and, occasionally, we'd banter. After about an hour, I wrapped it up.
"Thanks for your time Princess." I said.
"You're welcome." she said. "Make sure to set aside a copy of that newspaper for me."
"As you wish." I said as I walked out the humongous doors. Celestia had started lowering the sun when I walked out, covering the city in a brilliant orange light.
"Dark Magic and Tyranny are two things that my subjects will never have to worry about. Celestia's response echoed in my mind.
"I know she doesn't use dark magic, nor is she a tyrant." I said to myself. "So why did she feel the need to assure me those things wouldn't happen?" I pondered. I decided to sleep on things in a nearby hotel before I answered any of my questions.
That night I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about the interview. "I'm an investigative journalist, I should have the right to investigate." I said to the mirror I was staring into. In no less then 42 seconds, I brushed my mane, put on my vest, grabbed my camera and ID badge, and headed out the door.
Canterlot Castle is a lot more sinister at night. The elegance that the afternoon sun had brought out has now turned into eerie darkness as the moon shone high in the sky. I'll just have a look around, see if anything suspicious is going on, then go back to the hotel. I thought to myself. I creeped around the castle, trying to make as little noise as possible so I didn't alert the guards. I eventually came to a long hallway, brimming with guards. This must be the princess's corridor. I heard a familiar voice coming from one of the rooms, except it was shouting something and sounded about as smooth as coal now. I knew that if I alerted one guard, I alerted all of them, so I sat there thinking of a way to get to that room and find out what's going on. I could just walk out, flash them my badge, and hope they let me by. I thought. But what are the chances of success from that?! Then, I noticed a room down another hall that held Equestria's ancient treasures. It was guarded by a magic forcefield that alerted the guards if someone breached it. I guess sitting through Twilight's Equestrian History lectures has its benefits. I thought. I picked up a chunk of marble that had broken off from one of the pillars and threw it straight at the forcefield, trying my best to aim it so I didn't break anything in the room.
"Someone's breached the treasure room!" A guard shouted. "Come on men!" He and the other guards ran down the hall, thankfully too distracted to notice me. However, one of them stayed behind and walked into one of the rooms in the hall.
I walked down the hall and looked inside the open door.
Celestia was inside talking to the guard, but she looked completely different. Her normal white coat had turned a yellowish-cream color. Her multi-colored mane now only shined a deep, dark blue color and an imposing red color. Her magenta iris was red as well and it seemed as though she had a permanent scowl on her face.
"What was all that commotion about?" she demanded.
"Sompony broke into the treasure room," said the guard. "But don't worry, the situation is being handled"
"What part of 'protect and serve' do you guards not understand?!" she yelled. "Somepony breaks into the treasure room and every guard in the hall goes to catch one pony?!" she demanded.
I tried my best not to gulp. At least I'm not on the receiving end of this.
"I'm sorry, Your Highness." the guard said, obviously trying not to shiver. "We didn't know how dangerous the pony could be so we-
"What if that alarm was just a ruse so somepony could come in and assassinate me?!" she interrupted. "Ever think of that?!"
Does this lady have an indoor voice? I wondered to myself.
"You do have a point Your Highness. We shall be more careful next time." the guard said.
"Good, cause if you don't.." she began. Then, her eyes turned lime green and oozed purple smoke. Her horn was surrounded by a purple and green mist that emitted black lightning.
"I-I understand Your Highness." The guard said, physically shaking now.
"Good." she said. "Now get out!"
The guard quickly ran out of the room. I had to run down a hall to my right to avoid being spotted by him and didn't stop running until I was in the streets of Canterlot.
"Tyranny, Dark Magic, it's all true!" I said between gasps of air. "Though I get the feeling this isn't of her volition." I said, not knowing who I was addressing. "Why else would she change colors like that?"
"WHO CARES?!" shouted a grumpy old pony from a balcony. "GET SOME SLEEP WHY DON'T YA?!" he shouted.
"Sorry!" I shouted back.
"Yeah, whatever." he said grumbling something to himself as he went back inside. The old pony was right, if I was going to find answers, I'll need to sleep and restore my energy. It wasn't until I got back to the hotel that I realized how tired I was. So tired that I fell asleep the second my head hit my pillow.
In the morning, I saw that I'd slept until 10:30 AM. I yawned, stretched and went through the same routine I had done the night prior. I checked out of the hotel and headed back to Ponyville.
"Changed colors? Acted like a tyrant?" my boss parroted my explanation. "I think you just had a weird dream is all."
"It wasn't a dream!" I insisted. "I saw it with my own eyes!"
"Do you have anything we can use other than that interview?" he asked sternly, ignoring my blatant disrespect.
"No." I said weakly.
"Well, head back to Canterlot and find a true story this time around!" he demanded.
"Yes, sir!" I said. I then ran out my office and headed towards the train station.
"Bring me a true story or you're fired!" my boss shouted at me as I left.
Canterlot was still as elegant as ever. Although, the castle now had an aura of menace to it after what I'd experienced. I decided to go there during daylight hours before realizing that I'd only planned on going there yesterday. I knew that that guard would not be happy to see me again, so I basically wandered around the city.
When night came, I prepared to sneak inside the castle again. After last night, I knew which areas to avoid. So, I went on a completely different route. I was walking around the outside when I saw two guards approaching and quickly ducked into some bushes, praying they didn't see me.
"You here that the princess is going to punish the guard who ordered everyone to head to the treasure room?" asked one guard.
"Yeah, I wonder what it'll be this time." said the other one. They walked past the bush I was hiding in and went inside the castle. This time?! I thought to myself. Does that mean that she has a variety of ways to punish ponies? I didn't want to find out, but I guess I had to.
"What are you doing here?!" somepony said.
At first, I was scared out of my wits. Then I realized it wasn't a guard. Guards don't whisper to trespassers. I turned around to see somepony standing behind me. I couldn't tell the color of their coat due to the light, and the fact that they were almost completely covered in black clothing.
"I'm Snap Shot of the Ponyville Express" I explained. "Who are you?"
"I'm formally known as Rushing Winds, but everyone knows me as 'The Cloudsdale Criminal'." He introduced himself.
"Oh yeah! I've heard about you." I said, remembering a story I'd written about him. "Why are you here?"
"I'm going to steal the ancient Equestrian treasures!" he declared. "I'll be rich enough to be the Prince of Equestria!".
Good luck with the magic forcefield O mighty Prince. I thought to myself. "Say, you didn't happen to see the princess and a guard would you?" I queried.
"Yeah, I've been staking this place out for about an hour." he said. "They were heading towards that tower over there." He pointed to one of the castle's spires. "I can give you a lift there if you're in a hurry." he offered.
"I sort of am." I said.
With that, he pulled me onto his back and we rushed to the spire like the wind.
This must be how he got his name. I concluded.
"See you later." he said. "I've got a castle to rob!" He then flew back down to the ground.
Never thought that I'd be helped out by a criminal. I thought. But here we are.
I walked into the tower and saw Celestia. Once again, her colors were different. This time, though, it wasn't as drastic. Her mane was solid pink and her eyes were...what was up with her eyes?! Pony irises have about a 6 inch circumference, but hers were more like a 6 centimeter circumference. In layman's terms, her irises were really tiny. She was staring down at a guard.
"So, you were the one who gave the command to the guards to abandon their posts?" she said. Her voice was switching back and forth from high-pitched to deep and intimidating. It was rather unsettling.
"Y-yes Your H-Higness." the guard said, looking as if a ghost was in front of him.
"What is your duty in this castle?" Celestia said, inching ever so closely to the guard.
"To p-protect and s-serve you Your Highness." the guard said, his shaking transitioning into quaking.
"That's correct." Celestia said. "To protect and SERVE ME!!!" She leaped at the guard, but I immediately closed the door before I could see anything else.
"This is worse than I thought." I said out loud, knowing that nopony would hear me up here. "First tyranny, then dark magic, then," I paused. "I don't even want to know! I walked down the spire and exited the castle. How long has this been going on? I wondered as I was walking down a street.
Then it hit me. The guards don't normally converse with commoners unless they're breaking the law, I thought and I would assume Celestia keeps all of this under wraps. So that explains that. I still didn't have the proof I needed to return to Ponyville, so I went back to the hotel. I still don't know why this happens. I thought to myself as I got into bed. One more night of investigation, then I'll confront her about all this I lied awake for a couple hours, still trying not to think about what I'd seen. Eventually though, I was able to fall asleep.
I honestly don't remember most of what happened the next day. I was too busy thinking about how I would go about sneaking around the castle tonight. It sounds bad, but I had to know what was going on with Celestia.
Nighttime finally came after what felt like 6 moons, and I snuck into the castle. It's become somewhat of a regular occurrence now. I was creeping around as silent as I could be when I was pulled around a corner by somepony. To my surprise, Celestia was hiding alongside me. ` "Princess what's going o-"
"Shh!" she said putting her hoof to my mouth. "This is going to be good!"
I surveyed the hall she was looking down. A lone guard was patrolling its length. Then, Celestia used her magic to rip a door off its hinges and fly across the hall.
"Another bucking door! What is going on?!" the guard shouted to nopony in particular. "That's the ninth Celestiadamn door this year! What is happening?!"
Celestia led me down a hall and began to burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! D-did you see the look on his face?!" she asked. "He was so angry."
"He was rather irritated" I agreed.
"Every few weeks, I make a door fly out at him to give him the spooks." she explained. "But, lately, he's just been getting angry. It's a lot funnier when they get angry don't you think?."
So, now we have jokes. I thought to myself as Celestia was still rolling on the floor laughing her plot off. At least it's better than last night.
She finally stood back up and wiped the tears from her eyes.
"I'm glad you could be here Snap Shot." she said. "Tell you what, you should come back here tomorrow, and we'll do the same thing again!"
"Believe me, you'll be seeing me tomorrow Your Highness." I said.
"That's good." she said. "I'll distract the guards while you run." With that, she took off down the hall, most likely thinking up another joke to pull on her staff.
"At least I don't have to sneak when she's like that." I said. I headed back to the hotel and crawled into my bed, much like I'd done the past two nights. Even though she wasn't herself, that was kinda fun. I admitted to myself. I then blew out the candle on the nightstand and went to sleep.
Today's the day! I thought to myself as I was heading up the steps of the castle. Time to confront Celestia for her behavior over the last few nights!
The stallion standing guard was a different one from last time, so he let me in as soon as I showed him my ID badge. I walked up to the giant doors and knocked as loud as I could. Celestia opened them and greeted me.
"Snap Shot, how lovely of you to-"
"Spare me Your Highness!" I said, making my way across the red carpet. "I've got some questions to ask you!"
"Didn't you already ask me what you wanted to know?" Celestia asked, clearly baffled by my rudeness.
"I have some other things I want to know!" I said. "What has been happening to you these past few nights?!" I shouted.
Celestia scanned the room and closed the doors tight before speaking.
"Have you been here for that?" she asked, her face one of great worry.
"Yes, I have," I said. "and I want answers."
"Of course." she said. "Come sit by me."
I didn't move any closer, knowing she could turn on me at any moment.
"It only happens at night" she reassured me.
I walked up to the throne and sat down beside her.
"Do you remember when you asked me about 1000 years ago?" she asked.
"Yes." I said.
"Well, during that period of time, I was exposed to all kinds of magic that altered my behavior." she explained.
"Oooh." I said, putting the pieces together. "So Discord's magic made you a prankster, Sombra's magic made you a tyrant, and Nightmare Moon's magic gave you dark powers?" I asked.
"Yes." she said. "You have excellent deduction skills."
"But what about that, other thing?" I asked.
"Trust me, you don't want to know." she said, a smile forming on her face.
"So, how come nopony knows about this?" I asked.
"I keep things under wraps, and the guards are sworn to secrecy." she explained. "The last thing they want is for one of them to find out that they snitched.''
"So, why don't they come out at the Grand Galloping Gala?" I asked. "That's at night."
"Let's just say a faithful student of mine knows a spell to keep me in check." she explained.
"So, I'm assuming I won't be able to make an article about this?" I asked.
"Absolutely not!" she exclaimed. "If ponies found out, they'd panic, say they need a new ruler, banish me from my own country!"
"Ok, calm down." I said.
"Ok, I'm calm." she said.
"I have a problem." I said. "My boss says I'm fired if I don't go back to Ponyville with a hard-hitting story."
"Hmmm." Celestia thought for a minute. "I have an idea!" With her magic, she took my ID badge, changed the lettering and design of it, and handed it back to me. I read the card.
[OFFICIAL CANTERLOT TIMES ID BADGE
Employee Name: Snap Shot
Age: 5 [Equestrian Years] 22 [Human Years]
Position: Investigative Journalist
References: Princess Celestia]
I was too stunned for words.
"You w-want me to work in Canterlot?!" I asked, trying no to squee.
"Of course." she said. If you can sneak into the castle three nights in a row, track me down and observe my antics all without getting caught by guards, you must be a [i[great investigator."
"Thank you so much Your Highness!" I said as I hugged her.
"Calm down." she said. "Let's get you ready."
"Yes ma'am" I said.
The next day, I was sitting in my new office in the Canterlot Times Printing Co.. Celestia had arranged for Twilight to clean out my office and transfer the stuff here, but I told her not to. My days in Ponyville were nice and all and I still have all those great memories, but I think it's time I make some new ones. I grabbed a picture I took with the princess and began writing my first story as a journalist for the Canterlot Times.
CANTERLOT TIMES
Date: 2/20/13
PONYVILLE REPORTER STARTS CAREER IN CANTERLOT!
