Dovahkiin, In Do Laas Ahrk Dinok, Kriid Do Keyye Ahrk Jul, Gein Rahgol Kaaz

Dawn in Manehattan is about as beautiful as it is in the rest of Equestria, due to the complete lack of most forms of earthly pollution, plus the fact that the day and night were literally drawn into existence–more or less– by the ruler of the land. But, Manehattan is a completely different story, one that shall not be touched upon again for many years. No, instead, we turn our eye to the young filly in Canterlot, some two and half hours after dawn, just beginning her entrance exam to the most prestigious magic academy in all of Equestria.

Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, founded some seven hundred years prior, in the year of 280 ANM, After Nightmare Moon. A comparison to Earth would reveal that not only is it top-tier Ivy League level, but it would be easily comparable to Harvard University.

That is, the top ranking school of higher learning on the entire planet.

This filly is Twilight Sparkle, and this is partially her story.

In another plane of existence entirely lies the other part of our story. This is her story.

The Soul Cairn is home to many things, not least among them being bonemen, souls, purple skies, lightning, depressing atmospheres, weird towers, magic, crazy eldritch beings, and an undead dragon.

Durnehviir, the Undying Curse, as he is sometimes called. This semi-rotted dragon was engaged in a rather animated discussion with his friend, summoner, and master, a female figure clothed entirely in black armor, with a white, black striped tail.

“–Ahrk geinmaar thu’um: ‘Diivon!? Hi kos bruniik!’ Ful ruz geinmaar kren fin zii!”

Peals of laughter echoed through the spirit filled terrain, one deep and rolling, with a tinge of age and power, the other high and feminine, carrying the taste of power, but less of age, more of fine wine.

Durnehviir looked down at his ‘young’ friend, gently nudging the Khajiit with his wing, “Ahh, it is good to see you again, Jo’hira, but do you not have quests to complete and corpses to loot?”

Jo’hira stood, popping her joints and checking the straps of her armor to ensure that nothing had come loose. Accidentally dropping her pants in the middle of a fight was embarrassing enough the first time, thank you very much.

“Well, Durnehviir, old buddy, I suppose I do. I’ll catch ya later, yeah? Lok, Thu’um.”

“Lok, Thu’um, Jo’hira. Safe travels.”

“Me? Safe?”

With a final peal of laughter, the ebony armored Khajiit strode away from her draconic friend’s citadel, idly examining the shivering soul lying on the ground a few feet away.

“That’s what you get for telling me to swallow, you asshole.” With a punt straight to the groin of the unlucky soul, Jo’hira ran off, racing herself to the portal back to reality.

Twilight Sparkle hung her head in shame. The young filly, it seemed, had failed her entrance test. With a whisper of “Sorry to waste your time,” she turned and made ready to leave in utter despair.

And then a massive explosion of rainbow light appeared, startling the filly and causing her magic to go absolutely haywire. And as out of control magic is wont to do, it caused pure, unbridled chaos, hatching the purple egg into a titanic dragon hatchling, turning her parents into rather fetching cacti, and levitating the test examiners into the air. And then it tore open a poisonous, disgustingly purple rent in the air.

Jo’hira cursed, not noticing the bonemen around her until she’d literally slammed into one and scattered its undead remains across the sand. Now, she was entangled in a battle against ten of them, and though this wouldn’t normally be a problem, she also had to keep away from the mysterious, blue tear in reality. She’d seen those tears before. Nothing good ever came of them, not in her experience.

In her one moment of distraction, a particularly powerful boneman got the drop on her, blasting her with an echoing FUS RO DAH…. straight through the slowly vanishing tear in reality.

“SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-”

“-IIIIIIIIIIIIIII–Oof!”

The out of control Twilight Sparkle was knocked back into reality by the immense force of a 5’6”, heavily armored Khajiit slamming into her, knocking the filly out and cancelling the magic applied to the room.

Jo’hira looked up at the semi-familiar ceiling, not quite realizing where she was until a gold-shoed, white hoof came into her view, its owner’s head coming into view soon after.

“.... Celestia? Where the hell am I now?” she asked, not noticing the unconscious filly wedged between two armor plates.

“You’re in my school, Jo’hira. Though I have to wonder just how you got here. Last I heard, you were in the Soul Cairn.” Celestia helped the younger female stand, not shifting despite the one hundred and sixty six pound mass of Khajiit and ebony armor leaning against her.

“Well, I was battling bonemen in the Soul Cairn. There was this big, blue tear in the world right behind me, so I had less mobility… and then I got Fus Ro Dah’d into the portal, which closed behind me. And then I think I slammed into something?” Jo’hira shook her head, removing her helmet and allowing her full visibility again. Then she noticed the slightly crushed, but still fine, filly stuck horn first into the space between chest plate and underlying mail. “... Yeah, I definitely slammed into something.”

Celestia shook her head in response, gently prying the unconscious Twilight from Jo’hira’s armor. “Well, I believe reparations should be made by this poor filly, don’t you think? After all, she did punch a hole in my school’s roof and nearly injure several of my esteemed staff.” The Princess of Equestria smiled. It was not an ugly smile, though it did promise quite a lot of good natured mischief. Jo’hira palmed her face, well aware of her acquaintance’s antics.

“Don’t tell me. Personal student?”

“That’s right.”

“Another one?”

“What’s wrong with wanting students?”

“Considering that the last one was… well… her…”

“Oh please, I’ve learned from my mistakes. This time will be different.”

Celestia stared resolutely at the unconscious filly, determined to do things right this time. Jo’hira downed a magicka potion and leaned against a wall, not sure of what to do. Before she could leave, Celestia told her to, “Would you wait in the hall? I’d like to speak to this filly before I ask you something.” The smile was back, this time directed at Jo’hira.

If she’d noticed, she would have been halfway to Manehattan already. Unfortunately, she did not. Nearly an hour of waiting later, the door to the ruined classroom swung open, bathed in a golden glow. Celestia’s voice rang out, “You can come in now!” Jo’hira shrugged and unequipped her armor, switching out for a more comfortable set of Fine Clothes and Boots.

“So, what do you want, Krein Key?”

Celestia rolled her eyes at Jo’hira’s nickname, beckoning her over to the shaking filly. “Twilight Sparkle, as you will be my personal student, you shall be one of the most important people in all of Equestria. Therefore, though you will have a dragon later on to protect you, a dragon of a different sort shall protect and guide you when I am not able to. Meet Jo’hira, your new bodyguard.”

“Wait what!?” Jo’hira shouted, leaping back in surprise. “You want me to be the bodyguard of your new student!? Me, the pyromaniac!? The dragon in cat form!? The dragon general!? The Voice of the Gods!? Seriously!?”

“Who better to protect my personal student than an experienced hero?” Celestia rebutted, an infuriating smile playing out on her face.

“..... I better be getting paid for this,” Jo’hira muttered, patting the shivering filly on the head.

“Of course you will, Jo’hira. One hundred bits per week.” Celestia smiled and gently nudged the Khajiit closer to her student. “Now, you two get to know each other a little better. Twilight, Our first lesson is in a week, eight o’clock sharp.”

“Y-yes Princess Celestia! I’ll be there!” Twilight’s devotion was already readily apparent. Jo’hira sighed, “Please tell me I don’t have to live in the brat’s house. Krosis, but I don’t do too well in pony houses. Especially not the flammable ones.”

For emphasis, she equipped the Flames spell to her hands, allowing the magical fire to fill the room with orange light. “See?”

“Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigoshyoucandomagiccanyouteachmehowtomakefirepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!?” Jo’hira was quite suddenly assaulted by Twilight, who’d clambered up onto her arm in an attempt to examine the flames more closely.

“Celestia, I appear to have a limpet stuck to my arm.” Jo’hira deadpanned, shaking her arm in emphasis and dispelling the flames. Celestia merely grinned, levitating over a scrap of paper with an address scribbled on.

1984 Celestial Avenue

"...... This is the limpet's address, isn't it?" Jo'hira pouted, clutching Twilight under her forelegs and setting the filly on top of her head.

"Right again, Jo'hira. Now, you know how to get there, yes?" Celestia had a certain knack for bringing the good humor out of people, causing even the pyromaniacal tsun-tsun to grin.

"Even if I didn't, my quest marker knows where it is." Jo'hira and Twilight left the building, leaving Celestia behind to explain the situation to Twilight's parents.