Dovahkiin, In Do Laas Ahrk Dinok, Kriid Do Keyye Ahrk Jul, Gein Rahgol Kaaz

“Jojo?” Twilight asked, looking up from her book on ancient Dwemer Law.

“Yes Twilight?” Jo’hira rasped, throat still sore from Akatosh’s possession of her, even three weeks later. “What is it?”

Twilight blushed and tapped her hooves together, “... Why do you look so different from the other Khajiit in Skyrim? I mean… uh… they all look like cats but you look more like a Nord than a normal Khajiit…”

Jo’hira blinked, “Oh, that’s si-” She coughed twice, then swigged down a health potion, “-simple. The Khajiit in Skyrim are the Cathay breed. I’m an Ohmes Raht. It helps deal with the other races of Men, since I’m almost indistinguishable at a distance.”

“Oh… mes… Raht?” Twilight questioned, “I don’t get it… how can one race have such massive differences in physiology…? Even ponies are separated into Unicorn, Pegasus, and Earth Pony, and a few other races...”

Jo’hira sighed, “That’s because of how Khajiit biology is heavily influenced by the two moons of Nirn, Masser and Secunda.”

“That sounds… really weird, Jojo…” Twilight twisted her face into an expression of puzzled curiosity, “How could the moons change your bodies that much…?”

“Hell if I know,” Jo’hira muttered, then pulled out a journal detailing Khajiit biology in relation to the two moons of Nirn. “Let’s see… The movement of Masser is the most important part of a Khajiit’s physiology since it determines the general body structure. There are four types of structure that correspond with the phases of Masser: Full- Large quadruped, Waxing- Large Biped, New- Small Biped, Waning- Small Quadruped. Within these four categories lies the 16 main breeds of Khajiit, the separate breeds of which are determined by the phases of Secunda.”

Twilight listened intently, scribbling down notes and wondering if she’d be able to borrow Jo’hira’s journal later on.

“With Secunda’s movement, there comes a lot of changes to the general structure. Let’s start with Large Quadrupeds. Full- Senche, which are like tigers, but a bit taller than me when on their hind legs. Waxing- Senche Raht, which are like Senche, but twice as tall as I am on all fours. New- Pahmar, which are basically tigers. Waning- Pahmar Raht, which is larger than a normal Pahmar. With Large Bipeds, we have the following races: Full- Cathay, the ones found in Skyrim. Waxing- Cathay Raht, which are more bestial and animalistic; taller too. New- Tojay, not a lot known, since they stick to the forests. Waning- Tojay Raht, just like the Tojay, they stick to the forests so there’s not a lot known. With Small Bipeds, there’s the following: Full- Ohmes, which look like the Wood Elves, but are shorter and cattier. Waxing- Ohmes Raht, which is what I am. Usually they have golden fur, but I lucked out. New- Suthay, which are like Ohmes but even more catty. Waning- Suthay Raht, which are basically just taller Suthay. With Small Quadrupeds, there’s: Full- Alfiq, which are more or less house cats. Waxing- Alfiq Raht, which are bigger house cats. New- Dagi, which are bigger and skinnier Alfiq that hang around in trees. And Waning- Dagi Raht, which are just bigger Dagi. There’s the seventeenth breed of Khajiit, the Mane, which comes when Masser and Secunda align with some third moon, but I’ve never met one. They’ve got ridiculously amazing manes.” Jo’hira finished her speech by chugging down three more health potions and a quick application of healing salve to her throat, coughing lightly as she finished. “Any questions?”

Twilight’s eyes spun in their sockets, dizzied and dazed by the sheer amount of words that Jo’hira had just thrown at her.

“... I suppose not. Come on, Twilight. Let’s get back to the castle. It’s almost suppertime and I have to go oversee some new thing or another back in Cyrodiil.

“And now, the one you’ve all been waiting for: Empress Jo’hira Javanahir, blessed be her name! Everyone give a warm welcome to our eternal empress! Thank you for coming to bless the opening ceremony of the new Temple of Mara!” the announcer, an overly enthusiastic Dunmer, waved his arms at the crowd, stepping aside to let Jo’hira mount the stage in all her glory.

Robes of Office swishing with every step and Circlet of Office gleaming in the sun, Jo’hira cut an impressive figure as she stood before the gathered crowd. “Citizens of Bruma! It is my pleasure to be here on this most auspicious of events!” Jo’hira projected, a warm smile upon her face and no trace of her previous injury remaining. “And with the opening of this new Temple to Lady Mara, I lay upon it my own blessings!” Jo’hira turned to the temple and looked up towards the sky, arms raised as she began her earth-shaking message, “Naram voth zin ahrk aam voth lokaal. Vos daar raald kriist wah oblaan do tiid!” Her words rumbled through the mountain air, shaking snow from the rooftops and filling the atmosphere with the burning heat of draconic power.

Immediately after the echo of Jo’hira’s words died down, the crowd went absolutely wild. Raucous cheers and praise filled the air in the wake of Jo’hira’s blessing, and flowers were thrown from every angle.

Jo’hira basked in the praise and adulations, a warm smile upon her face as she caught the closer flowers and weaved them into a second crown. As she placed the flower crown upon her head, she frowned when she heard a disturbingly familiar noise.

With a quick spin and an outstretched arm, she caught her would-be assassin by the throat and raised him into the air, coolly noting his lack of Dark Brotherhood armor. As the crowd gasped in shock and awe, Jo’hira muttered lowly, so that only the assassin could hear her, “You’re not one of mine, or you’d know damn well better than to try and kill your boss… Who are you and who sent you…?”

Of course, Jo’hira had already read his name from the interaction box- Harald Stormsaddle- but asked just for courtesy, seeing as she already had a quest marker pop into her field of view.

“I’ll never tell you, cat!” Harald spat, arms futilely trying to dislodge Jo’hira’s grip. “I’d rather see Cyrodiil burn than leave it in the hands of a decrepit beast hag like you!”

Jo’hira sighed and turned back to the crowd, “I know it’s terribly rude to hold an execution on the same day that a temple opens up, and even moreso to hold it in front of the temple, but alas… I suggest you all look away for this part.”

“Do your worst, beast woman! I’m not afraid of you!” Harald snarled, still flailing in Jo’hira’s grip until the point where she snapped his neck and tossed him to the side like a piece of particularly foul garbage, not even bothering to go through the motions of her normal chokeslam.

“Unpleasant garbage,” Jo’hira muttered, wiping her hands on a towel that one of her (completely for decoration) guards had handed her. “I apologize, everyone. Guards, get rid of that trash. Merenthi, I am so, so sorry that I had to do that in front of your temple. Please, take this as a token of apology.” Handing a bag of gold to the shocked priest of Mara, Jo’hira turned and left, rushing out towards the city walls and carelessly leaping over them and over the edge of a cliff.

“Durnehviir!” With an echoing shout, Jo’hira’s downward momentum was arrested as a portal appeared below her and her favorite undead dragon caught her, evening out his momentum as he climbed to a cruising altitude.

“Ah, Dovahkiin! It’s been far too long since we last spoke!” Durnehviir spoke genially, following Jo’hira’s gentle prods until he faced the same direction as her quest marker.

“Indeed it has been, Durnehviir!” Jo’hira shouted over the wind, focusing on a point only she could see. “Alas, there’s not really much time for business today! I have a nest of would-be rival assassins to brutally murder!” As soon as she yelled her final statement, she slipped from Durnehviir’s back, equipping a wingsuit as she fell and slowing her fall down until she came to a graceful rolling halt at the entrance to the Red Ruby Cave.

“So…” Jo’hira murmured, rolling her neck and approaching the confused guard. “Hello there, Anvar. I hear your friends are starting up a rival group to the Dark Brotherhood. You know, the assassins that I lead? The assassins for the crown? Naughty naughty.”

“Y-you… I’m not afraid of you!” Anvar screamed, charging Jo’hira with his warhammer raised for a deadly blow… only to be cleanly decapitated by a single punch from Jo’hira.

Jo’hira sighed, “Honestly, not even worth the effort… now I have to clean this stupid suit…”

Half an hour later, Jo’hira wiped her hands off as she exited Red Ruby cave, now several hundred septims richer and possessing quite a lot more in the way of useless weaponry and armor.

“Well that was a decent way to break the boredom…” Jo’hira muttered, twisting around to get the kinks out of her spine.

A quiet growl behind her set her senses on edge.

“Oh hell no…” she muttered, scanning the area suspiciously, “That better not fucking be…”

The growl transformed into a roar as five bears charged out of the tall grass nearby and charged Jo’hira all at once, the earth rumbling from the force of their pounding feet.

“Oh FUCKING FUCK!” Jo’hira screamed, sprinting away as fast as she could, “FUCK NO FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING BEARS FUCK NO! WULD NA KEST!” With that, she Whirlwind Sprinted away, leaving the angry bears in her dust.