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Dovahkiin, In Do Laas Ahrk Dinok, Kriid Do Keyye Ahrk Jul, Gein Rahgol Kaaz
                        -by Jsyrin-                        
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                      Tey Nol Ustiid                       
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Tey Nol Ustiid
And so, cat and pony ventured forth on a journey of magic and education, the much, much older Khajiit taking Twilight under her metaphorical wing as if the filly were her own daughter.
Not that she’d ever admit it.
And lo, the time passed quickly, days turning to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. This is the story of one day in particular. A mere week after Jo’hira took Twilight as her charge when Celestia could not, the young filly and the young-looking Khajiit sat in one of Canterlot’s many parks, enjoying the breeze and the sun.
Twilight looked up from her history tome as a sudden question struck her mind. “Jojo?” she asked, her nickname for the Khajiit spilling from her mouth. Jo’hira looked up from her own text, this one a treatise on ancient Dwarf Pony Law.
“Yes, little one?”
Twilight blushed and pawed nervously at the parchment of her tome, “W-well, it’s just that… this book mentions you quite a lot, and it goes back to right after Nightmare Moon… so… I was just wondering… how old are you?”
Jo’hira blinked twice, then chuckled heartily, “Ohoho~! The filly has the sense to ask the right questions after all! Come, Twilight, and let me tell you a story.”
Twilight complied, sitting down in Jo’hira’s lap as the Khajiit swapped into a set of comfortable clothing. “Truth be told, Twilight, I’m old. Older than even I know. I was around for the Griffon Wars, I helped beat back the scourge of Tombstone and his draugr-ponies, I even managed to do a little bit of work in the dragon negotiations.”
Twilight stared up at her secondary mentor with awe in her eyes. She had no idea that her strange looking bodyguard was so… prolific.
Jo’hira continued, “My story goes back to a time… a time and a place, long, long ago and far… far away. All the way to a place called Tamriel… and a land, long forgotten by now, known as Skyrim….”
Thousands of years ago, subjective time…
Jo’hira, then known as Joanna Hiraga, woke up to a strange rocking motion and a splitting pain in her skull. As her mind drifted to full wakefulness, a strange calm settled over her as flashes of memory not her own flickered through her mind.
As the existence known as Joanna Hiraga took a back seat in her own mind, the body of Jo’hira woke up fully, and Joanna watched, relying on her other memories to keep from arousing suspicion. Said memories told her that she was a thief and a fire mage, one who was caught trying to cross the border on a stolen horse.
Jo’hira sighed to herself as the cart stopped, still tuning out the words of the Stormcloak soldiers with her.
“Jojo? What’s a Stormcloak?”
“Half of a civil war, Twilight. Now hush and let me tell my story.”
“Okay.”
Jo’hira sighed as she stepped up to the headsman’s block, waiting for the exact moment that Alduin would appear and screw Helgen over. She felt nothing but a deep resignation, her human memories slowly bubbling to the surface once again through the haze of her Khajiit life. A boot to the spine pushed her to her knees, her head resting uncomfortably on the stone block as blood stained into her fur.
She counted through the seconds as the headsman raised his axe.
Five. The headsman drew back.
Four. The priestess droned on about her last rites.
Three. The captain shouted a few orders, though Jo’hira tuned them out.
Two. A distant roar shook the background. Jo’hira smirked and tensed her muscles in preparation.
One. Alduin slammed into a guard tower and unleashed his meteor shout.
Zero. Amidst the confusion, Jo’hira sprung away, clawing lightly at her bonds as she dodged and jinked through the falling hail of meteors. The rope stayed intact as she cursed, picking her way through the flaming rubble. As she came upon a dead guardsman, she blinked twice and rubbed her eyes. Then she did so again, until she finally came to the conclusion that the floating crosshair marked ‘Search Imperial Guard’ was not a hallucination.
Jo’hira’s head snapped back as a whole new set of information clicked into place, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny gestures and motions that would allow her to act as if she were merely playing a game, rather than falling prey to real world physics.
Her eyes and nostrils flared open as she swiped the air in front of her, time seemingly stopping as a menu popped up in front of her, bearing all the items that the dead guard had carried… including undergarments. With a disgusted and slightly confused sigh, Jo’hira took everything from the guard, idly noting that each item of clothing and armor automatically resized to fit her body, just as it did in-game. As she equipped the looted armor and weapons, she cut her bonds on her new sword, taking off a moment later towards the now visible quest marker at the top of her field of view.
“Jojo?”
“Yes, Twilight?”
“What was your life like before you woke up on that cart?”
“Well….-”
Fire. Fire everywhere. Joanna screamed as a falling piece of metal impaled her through her leg and pinned her to the floor. All around her, people screamed and died, flames bursting through the air from the cackling, robed figure floating not twenty feet away.
The air was sweltering and Joanna desperately wished for someone, anyone, to save her.
And with a quiet pop of displaced air, her wish was granted, a shadowy form stepping from a swirling portal and dispelling flames wherever it went, bringing an unearthly chill to the air.
Joanna shivered, desperately gasping for clean air. The figure stopped in front of her, seemingly not paying attention to her grasping fingers.
“Merchant!” the figure called out, shaking the earth with its strange double tones, “I got a bone to pick with your wimpy ass!”
Joanna stilled and desperately hoped to not be noticed. Unfortunately, the shadowy figure’s opening move was to rip the support strut from her leg and launch it at the still cackling figure– Merchant?
Joanna couldn’t help but scream, drawing both figures’ attention to her. The shadow at her side reacted first, picking her up and filling her with an ice cold feeling, not painful, but rather comforting, like a nice patch of shade on a hot day. After carefully examining her for what seemed to be an eternity, the shadowy thing nodded, patted her on the head, and tossed her behind him and into a portal.
The last thing Joanna saw was the shadowy figure chokeslamming the Merchant into the ground, streamers of shadow flying everywhere. She passed out to the scent of chocolate ice cream and ozone, a faint smile on her lips as her body changed to suit her costume.
“-.... it wasn’t exactly the most exciting thing I’ve ever done, kiddo.”
“Awwwww! But I wanna knooow!”
“Hush. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“Okay…”
“Now, where was I?”
“You were finishing something called… uhhh… uhhhmmm… the Eye of Magnus?”
“Has time passed that quickly?” Jo’hira looked up at the setting sun. “Huh.”
She shook her head and gathered her thoughts, “Well… it happened like this…”
The College of Winterhold. Eye of Magnus Questline. All other Quests completed (Mostly).
Jo’hira strode into the central chamber of the Hall of the Elements, clutching the Staff of Magnus in one hand and a Legendary Blades’ Sword gripped in the other.
“Alright Ancano. Your bullshit ends now!” She levelled the sword at him, ready to kill him as soon as he made a single false move.
“My bullshit? Please, with the Eye of Magnus, none may harm me! So run along, cat, and I might decide to spare your miserable life. Perhaps I may even allow you to become my… slave.” Ancano leered at Jo’hira, her armor doing little to conceal her rather voluptuous figure.
Jo’hira snarled and charged forward, ignoring Tolfdir’s warnings and lashing out at Ancano with as much fury as she could muster. Ancano stepped back from the force of the blow, robes shredding where the blade contacted, but otherwise was completely unharmed.
Jo’hira roared and lashed out with the Staff, causing the floating orb in the center of the room to shut for but a few moments. She took the opportunity and charged forward with a Whirlwind Sprint, passing by Ancano with her blade pointed out and forward, lopping off his head before he even had time to blink.
Ancano’s head fell to the ground with a soft whump, his body following soon after. Jo’hira sighed and shouldered her blade and leaned against the staff. “Finally… finally done with this goddamn thing.” She muttered, idly searching and looting Ancano’s corpse before dragging it into the courtyard and burning it.
She strode back inside the Hall, lowering her head and muttering a prayer for Savos Aren’s long dead body and soul, and went to address Tolfdir. As she entered, she heard Tolfdir conversing with someone else, someone she recognized. Quaranir, the Mage of the Psijic Order.
Strangely, the both of them wore identical looks of panic on their faces, most likely stemming from the fact that the Eye of Magnus was pulsing ominously. Then, all hell broke loose, Magical Anomalies spilling forth from the Eye and attacking all three occupants, driving Jo’hira towards Tolfdir and Quaranir, until she stood right behind them, a straight line between the two older mages and the door. The Eye pulsed faster, an orb of energy slowly surrounding it and growing.
“Oh this is so not good.” Jo’hira muttered, steeling herself for her probably most idiotic act to date, even beyond going to Sovngarde to kill Alduin. With a mighty roar of “FUS RO DAH!”, she blasted Tolfdir and Quaranir out the door of the Hall, just as the Eye of Magnus reached critical levels and detonated, washing out her view into a blaze of bluish white.
Then everything went dark.
“And when I woke up, I was lying in the Castle of the Two Sisters with a giant hole above my head and a very confused Celestia looking at me.” Jo’hira chuckled at the memory, Celestia’s face still bringing her the giggles even a thousand years later.
Twilight stared at her bodyguard, enraptured. “So what did you do after that?”
Jo’hira shrugged. “I ran off into the forest for a few years, got to know the land and such. Also, I dealt with a bunch of new things, but that’s a story for another day. C’mon munchkin. It’s getting late.”
Indeed, the sun had already set, and the lanterns in the park had been lit nearly half an hour ago. Jo’hira gathered the lavender filly and her books, placing Twilight on her head and stuffing her books and doll into her inventory, before walking off, right back to Canterlot Castle.

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                       Tey Do Vahlok                       
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Tey Do Vahlok
As soon as Jo’hira and Twilight had said their farewells and goodbyes to the heroes of Sovngarde and re-entered the living world of Equestria, they both paused and tilted their heads simultaneously. A strange, groaning, wheezing noise (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcWbv70jIh4) had filled the clearing that they had emerged in, and Jo’hira had automatically began looking around for any sort of threat.
“Be wary, Twilight. We don’t know what’s making that noise and it might be extremely hostile,” Jo’hira cautioned Twilight, slowly pushing the much smaller filly to the safety of a nearby tree and casting an anchored shield spell to the area. Fading in and out of the clearing was surely a strange sight to behold, for when the noise finally died down, little wooden shed was standing there.
The door opened (http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Flistenonrepeat.com%2Fwatch%2F%3Fv%3D2CYDgezeQas%23Doctor_Who_Theme_Tune_2005-2007_By_Murray_Gold&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNELD_DOOMmUyNN3Lg5i5qdFHADMog) and an olive green mare with auburn hair popped out with a smile. “Aha! Universe J0-6! I told you I could get us here!”
Jo’hira dropped into a ready stance, wary of attack, but still not giving off an overtly hostile air. As the khajiit prowled into view of the mare, she asked, “Who are you and what do you want with Equestria?” Her sentence was punctuated with a mild, mostly curious glare, though Jo’hira did let slip some defensive hostility.
Without any warning at all, a pink filly with what could only be described as “screwy” eyes and purple mane appeared in front of Jo’hira. “Oh my gosh! A real talking cat person! You’re so cool! Can I pet you? Feed you? What’s your favorite drink? What’s your favorite food? ….” And so the questions continued on and on.
After a few minutes, Jo’hira finally gave in and clamped the filly’s mouth shut, halting the flow of questions. “First: Yes, I’m real. Yes, I talk. Why yes, I am very cool. No petting until I get the armor off, I can feed myself, I prefer mead with juniper berries mixed in but I’ll take just about anything, My favorite food is quite obviously salmon, I’m approximately one thousand and forty three years old give or take a few months, I am a Khajiit, my name is Jo’hira, I like fire magic, I prefer to dual wield swords, I do best in light armor but stick to heavy armor for better defense….” And so on and so forth until Jo’hira had answered every single question up until the point the little filly had been stopped. After finishing the last question, Jo’hira let go of the little filly’s mouth and asked her own question, “So, who are you, small pink one?”
“That’s Screwball,” the mare answered for the filly. “And I’m the Guardian. A pleasure to meet the Dragonborn of Skyrim,” she said with a tiny bow. Jo’hira nodded and stood, mentally releasing the shield spell on Twilight, the lavender filly immediately rushing over and clambering up to Jo’hira’s head.
“Well met, Guardian. I’m Jo’hira Javanahir. As you know, I’m the Dovahkiin of Skyrim. This little ball of lavender fluff on my head is Twilight Sparkle, my part time apprentice and protege of Her Highness Princess Celestia of Equestria.” Jo’hira bowed as well, quickly switching out her and Twilight’s armor for a matching set of casual clothing.
“Ah yes, I know full well who you are,” the Guardian said with a smile. “You leave quite the impression upon miss Twilight here. She becomes quite the little book theif in the future… and a peculiar obsession with stealing clothes.”
“That’s just weird,” commented Screwball.
Jo’hira frowned, “Okay, the book part I understand, since knowledge is quite literally power in Skyrim… but why clothes…?”
“Maybe because having the right outfit is always essential?” Twilight spoke up from her perch, various plans and contingencies already forming in her mind for any event in which she didn’t have proper clothing for.
“That would explain it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called out for not wearing proper outfits in court,” Jo’hira nodded, then began grumbling to herself, “Stupid nobles. Stupid retainers. Of course Dragonplate armor is perfectly acceptable in court, it makes me look like the Conquering Queen that I am!”
“That’s probably why,” the Guardian nodded. “Ponies don’t exactly like it when someone tries to upstage their ‘one true leader’, especially with the nobility. They see it as their job to do that. Plus there's also the subconscious fear that dear, sweet Tia has instilled in them from King Sombra, or at least that’s how some worlds play it. Not quite sure about this one, but wouldn’t it be quite something were it true? A nice little touch to bring the multiverse ever closer together, don’t you just love it?”
Jo’hira was puzzled at the Guardian’s words, even though they did make sense. “Huh? What are you talking about? I’m talking about how none of my nobles liked it when I dressed in armor back on Skyrim. Even though I was High Queen and unifier of Skyrim. Even though I’m Dovahkiin and about a thousand other titles I don’t need,” she shook her head, “Honestly, it’s been a thousand years since I ruled and I’m still legally recognized as the “Immortal” High Queen of Skyrim because I kept checking in on them. And they still insisted that I wear the robes. Quirky Nords.” Jo’hira shook her head again, dispelling the memories resurfacing in her mind, and turned back to Guardian. “Anyway, that’s enough about me. What brings you here to this Equestria?”
“Ah, little Screwball here!” The mare motioned for the screwy earth pony to stop sniffing a bumblebee and come over to her. “I’m showing her the Displaced of the past, and your Equestria just happened to be our most recent stop.”
“I’m learning about dead people!” Screwy exclaimed.
“Put your thinking cap back on, Screwy.”
“Aw, ok.” Screwball put her propeller cap back on. “Hi there, I’m Screwball. I can’t wait to find out more about your Equestria and you!”
Jo’hira smiled and nodded, kneeling down once more and patting Screwball on the head. “A little knowledge seeker, eh? Well, looks like we’ve found another one, Twilight, wouldn’t you say?”
Twilight nodded from her perch on Jo’hira’s shoulder, extending a hoof to Screwball. “Yup! Hi there, I’m Twilight Sparkle! Nice to meet you!”
“I know you back home!” Screwball exclaimed. “You’re the naggy librarian!” The Guardian felt the need to face-hoof.
Twilight’s head tilted again, confusion once again apparent. “But I’m not a librarian…?”
The Guardian sighed. “In a majority of your futures little Twiley, Celestia gifts you your own library to own and manage. Screwball comes from one of those futures.”
“Ooohhh…. But libraries are only fun to get books from! Where’s the fun in putting everything back together all day long? Besides, Jo’hira’s a way better librarian than I am! She keeps all her books in alphabetical order even when they’re in her weird pocket dimension!” Twilight spoke as if her words defined a Universal constant, immutable and unchangeable by any and all.
“Well, in most worlds, there is no Jo’hira,” the Guardian informed her. “Most only learn from Princess Celestia, though some do learn from Luna, and there was that one who was Nightmare Moon’s… I suppose it’s not a complete constant.” She chuckled a little. “Isn’t it nice to look at the stuff you know, only to realize there’s still so much you don’t know? Glorious!”
Jo’hira and Twilight both nodded. “That’s what’s kept me going even after living as long as I have. The thought that there’s always something more to learn… isn’t that just the most wonderful feeling, Twilight?”
“Yup! It’ll always be my favorite thing! Er, after you, Jojo!”
“That’s a good protege. Isn’t she just the cutest little magical prodigy?” Jo’hira ruffled Twilight’s mane affectionately.
“Hmm, I dunno. Sunset was pretty cute back then, too. Little more power hungry, but they’re always cute when they’re little.”
“Oh right… Sunset…” Jo’hira muttered, thinking back to the bacon haired unicorn she had also been a teacher to all those years ago. “I have to wonder why she just ran off like that… Then again, maybe it was because both me and Celestia refused to teach her more than basic combat magic…”
“You’ll see her again in about eighteen years or so,” the Guardian shrugged. “Anyone want donuts? I could use a coffee.”
Jo’hira scribbled down a note and shoved it into her inventory, “Nineteen years, got it. And yeah, snacks sound great.” Without further ado, Jo’hira brought out an entire picnic from her inventory, complete with blanket and wicker basket. “Question, is anyone here disturbed by people eating meat of any sort?”
“Meat? Like what griffons and humans eat?” Screwball asked.
The Guardian nodded. “Yes, Khajiit are meat eaters, though mainly stick to fish.”
“Oh, ok. I’m fine with it. What you need to eat doesn’t bother me at all… so long as I’m not the one you’re trying to eat. Don’t need that happening twice in the same week.”
“Oi! I said that was an accident! How was I supposed to know there was a giant shark at beach?”
“The locals kept saying beware the Jaws!” Screwball nearly yelled back.
“And I was immediately supposed to understand that was a reference to the movie? Give me a break here, Screwy. I’m intelligent, but even I can’t remember anything. That’s what us old mare’s do, we forget. Jo’hira can attest to that, she’s rather old herself.”
“Indeed, I’m so old I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning.” Jo’hira blushed, honestly having forgotten what she ate.
“Tuna casserole, Jojo. With lots of mead and a few glasses of milk.” Twilight smiled, amused at her mentor’s forgetfulness of everything not academic.
“Oh, that’s what it was.” Jo’hira chuckled and pulled another box from her inventory, holding it and a thermos out to Guardian. “Here you go, box of donuts and thermos of coffee, about as fresh as when I got them from Sugarcube corner a week ago.”
“Thank you, honey,” the Guardian said, taking the box in her magic… which barely lasted a second as the filly next to her gulped them all up in one bite. “You really should learn to taste your food instead of inhaling. You’d be surprised how much better it tastes.” Screwball just chortled to herself. The Guardian shook her head with a sigh before turning to Jo’hira. “Don’t worry about your memory problems, Joey. When you get to my age, you’ll be well accustomed to it.”
“I suppose so, though at least I have a perfect memory for everything academic. And thanks to my unique set of physics, I never have to remember names.” Jo’hira smiled and bit into a grilled salmon sandwich, savoring its smoky flavor.
“How old are you, Guardian?” Screwball asked, licking the sprinkles and frosting from her muzzle.
“I don’t know, actually,” the Guardian admitted. “I stop counting after a hundred thousand. I’m not even sure how long ago that was.”
Jo’hira and Twilight both stopped, Twilight’s mouthful of daisy sandwich falling to her plate as her jaw dropped. Jo’hira swallowed her mouthful of sandwich and spoke, “Okay, that is old. Like, really, really, spectacularly old. And you don’t look a day over thirty.”
“Well, thank you for saying so,” the Guardian giggled. “I would like to ask though,” she said before taking a quick sip of her coffee, “Mm, that’s good. Brazillian? Or is it Empirian? Oh, doesn’t matter. Anyway! Would Celly be free today? I haven’t had a chance to introduce Screwball here to an alternative Celestia.”
Jo’hira took a sip of her own coffee, tasting it and trying to figure out where it was from, “I think… Southwest Equestrian, near the jungle provinces. It’s got kinda that fresh jungle taste. And yeah, Celly’s free today. Twilight’s got a lesson on Thaumaturgical Theory at five.”
“Yay! I get to prank an alternate Celestia!”
“Now, now, Screwball. You have to know her for at least an hour before pranking.”
“Oh, ok.”
“Good girl, mal gein,” the Guardian said as she patted Screwball’s head.
Jo’hira perked up instantly, “Do I detect the Dovahzul being spoken in my presence by someone not a dovah?”
“Well, I know it as ancient draconian, but it’s basically the same language. I’ve been fluent in it for many, many years. Comes in handy when dealing with dragon-based races.”
“Ruz, Zu'u hind hi dreh ni hah waan mu lost mal tinvaak?” Jo’hira asked, almost enjoying the confused look on Twilight’s face.
“Jojooo! You know I can’t understand it when you do that!” Twilight complained, taking disgruntled bites of sandwich as she did so.
“Zu'u fund siiv tol zok genazaal,” the Guardian replied with a smirk.
Jo’hira patted Twilight on her head and gave her own answer, “Studen! Ruz, vir bo hin wundun?”
“Lingrah, zurun, educational, ahrk. .. tilro kung do volzah truk,” the Guardian answered.
“Guardian, why can’t I understand what you’re saying?” Screwball asked. “I thought you said the TARDIS can translate any language?”
“Any known language, but ancient draconian predates even time itself. You can blame thu’ums for that one. It’s what happens when you give the incompetent a time machine.”
“But you call yourself incompetent,” Screwball replied.
The Guardian chuckled. “I am! I’m just a little more careful at what I do.”
Jo’hira chuckled once more, “True, the dovahzul predates time, but only because Akatosh had his priorities all mixed up and created the dovah before creating the Universe. Or at least, that’s how I learned it.”
“The dragons might as well be Americans, I swear.” The Guardian laughed at her own joke. “But, we’ll have time for pleasantries later. I do believe it’s rude to keep the princess waiting. Would you like a lift to the castle?”
Jo’hira waved her off with a grin, “Thanks but I have my own ride. See, since I have video game physics and a good chunk of my spells came from mods I installed back on Earth…” She trailed off and put her hands together, a small flash of purple light emitting from them before a very familiar wheezing sounded through the clearing.
“You would not believe how great the Dwemer were at technology,” Jo’hira boasted as a golden box came into existence next to her. “They were so good that they actually figured out dimensional travel using steam power and runes. Of course, this isn’t as great as yours, I assume, but it does the job.”
“I almost feel like I’m being mocked alongside my race,” the Guardian said, looking at the box. “The chameleon circuits alone are horrible. It completely stands out, and....” The Guardian stopped with a sigh, shaking her head. “I’m not even going to continue on that, but I’m not going to trust such an obvious knock off. Which would you prefer, Twilight? Wanna fly in the original time machine that is beyond ancient, or the gold knock off?”
“Oi! It’s not a knock off! It’s like convergent evolution! Just because it’s nowhere near as inconspicuous doesn’t mean it’s a mockery! It’s just young tech, okay?” Jo’hira huffed and crossed her arms. “And besides, it was supposed to be just a normal teleportation pad, okay? Gimme a break, it took me a lot of working to even get the space enchantments to work properly.”
The Guardian looked at Jo’hira with a quirked eyebrow before looking at Twilight. “Fun ancient, or weird teleporting knock off?”
“Oh come on!” Jo’hira sulked and kicked her golden, teleporting hunk of junk (Patent pending) and sent it away. “Fine,” she muttered, “I’ll just take the other way back. MIRMULNIR!” her voice echoed through the clearing, seemingly hanging in the air for a few seconds before it was answered by a distant roar of, “Dovahkiin!”
Mirmulnir landed with a graceful… Mirmulnir overshot his mark and tumbled to a halt just beside the TARDIS-shack, driving a furrow into the dirt even as the bronze dragon righted itself and lumbered over to Jo’hira. “Dovahkiin! I answer your call!”
Jo’hira facepalmed, “Dammit Mirmulnir, how many times have I told you to work on your landings…”
Twilight looked back and forth between Mirmulnir and the TARDIS, clearly interested in both, but unsure as to which to choose. “Ummm….”
“Think of it this way, little unicorn,” the Guardian said as a smile formed. “You can go dragon riding with your mentor at any time, but how often will you get to travel through time and space in an alien box that is infinitely larger on the inside than the outside?”
“I’ll admit, she’s got a point,” Jo’hira muttered, slowly dismounting from Mirmulnir. “Sorry about that, Mirmulnir. How about you just go for a flight or something?”
Mirmulnir roared and took off as Jo’hira walked back to the TARDIS, “Okay, yeah, I kinda want that ride now.”
“Well then, adelante!” the Guardian exclaimed as she and Screwball walked in. “Come on! We haven’t got all day! ...well, actually we do, it’s a time machine, but punctuality is key.”
Jo’hira scooped Twilight into her arms and followed Guardian through the doors… only to stop immediately as both student and mentor marveled at the sights within the infinitely large space.
“It’s one thing to say infinitely large on the inside… it’s another to see it…” Jo’hira mumbled, trying and failing to take everything in.
“Yes, yes, it’s a marvel. Now…,” the mare looked at the pair with a smile. “Who wants to hit the button?”
Twilight immediately wriggled free of Jo’hira’s arms and scamped towards Guardian, “Ooh! Ooh! Me me me!”
“Hey!” Screwball whined. “Why don’t you let me press the button?”
“Because reasons I’ll tell you when we don’t have guests,” the Guardian answered. As the other filly huffed, the Time Lord took Twilight over to the main console and showed a lever to Twilight. “I’ve already got everything programmed in, all we need you to do is pull that lever and we’ll be at the castle in a matter of seconds.”
Twilight stared at the lever in confusion. “... Didn’t you say… button?” she wondered before shrugging and pulling the lever with great enthusiasm. The same instance, the entire room began to shake and shudder as that wheezing sound echoed out.
A moment later, the Guardian told Twilight, “Alright, now flip the lever back up!”
Twilight complied, flipping the lever again. “So is that really all there is to it?”
“Well, there’s tons of calculations, time-space coordinates, multi-universal theories that haven’t been proven… Just remember Twiley, math makes the universe, and all others, go ‘round. Now come on, we have a princess to meet. Adelante!”
“R-right!” Twilight scampered back to Jo’hira as the khajiit turned to the doors, waiting for Guardian to follow.
“Hmm, by my own clock… looks like about four thirty. A little early for class, but I guess that just makes meeting Celestia all that much easier.” Jo’hira tapped the translucent screen in front of her, flickering through the various tabs and lists with practiced ease.
The Guardian and Screwball walked out, the Time Lord quickly locking the door behind her. “Lead the way, Dovahkiin.”
“This is gonna be so cool!” Screwball said, more than a little giddy.
Jo’hira strode forth, leading the group of eclectic backgrounds through the nearly gleaming white halls of Canterlot Castle, following a familiar path that terminated in a brilliantly gilded door. “Right, well, this is Celestia’s study. She should be in here, dealing with paperwork.”
“Paperwork, shmaperwork,” the Guardian scoffed. “This is important educational material I’m trying to pass on to the younger generation.”
“That is true, though I’m pretty sure that Celestia’s paperwork is also important…” Jo’hira shrugged, “Then again, it’s not like any of the crap dropped on my desk was ever important.”
She pushed open the door and called out, “Celestia! We’re back from Sovngarde and we brought guests!” Celestia immediately looked up from where she’d been almost buried under paperwork.
“Oh thank Faust! I don’t think I could have handled another unnecessary tax reform!” Celestia sighed in relief, shoving the majority of the paperwork to the side and striding up to Jo’hira while smiling beatifically. “I love all my citizens, of course, but the nobles are sometimes just so infuriating about their greed.”
“I know that feel, Celestia. I was High Queen of Skyrim, after all…. still technically am, actually…” Jo’hira offered a comforting pat on the back to Celestia before pointing out Guardian and Screwball. “Anyway, these are our guests. The small one is Screwball, and the larger one is Guardian.”
“Hi Princess!” Screwball waved.
“Howdy do, Tia!” the Guardian said with a smile. “Banana?” she offered, pulling one out of nowhere.
Celestia’s brow twitched, “I’m actually slightly allergic to bananas, but thanks for the offer. So, I imagine that Jo’hira must have had a good reason to bring you here… It must be quite a bizarre tale.” She smiled, already thinking of the adventure that might have happened.
“Well, it’s mostly for education,” the Guardian admitted.
“For me!” Screwball perked up, getting in front of her friend. “I’m Screwball and I come from another universe in the distant future!”
“Oh? Well, thatis quite a bizarre adventure. Jo’hira, you certainly do meet the most interesting of ponies.” Celestia giggled, raising a dainty hoof to her mouth as she did.
Jo’hira nodded, “It is kinda weird how often I meet weird people. I mean, jeez, the list goes on and on…”
“Oh I know all about your adventures,” the Guardian said with a sly smile. “I know your past, your present, and even your future. All with direct accuracy.”
“..... Oh that’s just creepy… wait, does it show when I go to the bathroom too!?” Jo’hira yelped, pointing an accusing finger at Guardian.
“You don’t use the bathroom,” she replied. “You rely on video game physics and most don’t allow for a character do as such. Well, actually I shouldn’t say that, you do end up using it quite a few times in your future. Though, you’re usually not alone at those times.”
“.... I’m not sure I want to know…..” Jo’hira muttered and facepalmed, “Y’know, the Elder Scrolls games were always about defying fate, and here you are with something that knows my exact future. How ironic.”
“Well that’s what comes when you meet the Guardian!” Screwball announced. “She knows everything about the Displaced! Even the war!” The filly immediately slapped her hooves to her mouth.
“Screwball!” the Guardian said in harsh whisper.
“I’m sorry, it was a mistake, I swear!”
“...” Jo’hira decided to not pry into whatever this “war” was, instead choosing to focus on the other thing that stood out to her. “Displaced?” she asked, “Is that what I am?”
The Guardian’s mood instantly switched back to what it was. “Ooooh, we’ve arrived earlier in your timeline than I had planned. Tell me, have you met others like yourself yet? People with strange powers and abilities that come from alternates to this very world?”
Jo’hira tapped her chin in thought, trying to remember if she had. “Nope. None at all,” she answered, “You’re the first, well, I guess not Displaced, but alternate Equestrian I’ve ever met. Not the first extradimensional being though… Stupid Daedra...”
“Ah, well that explains the lack of foreknowledge, so… I’m going to need a blackboard!” The Guardian trotted out of the room, leaving everyone else behind confused. She peeked her head back in, “Well come on then! It’s class time, students!” And like that, she was gone again.
“.... I think that mare just might, might be crazier than I am…” Jo’hira muttered.
Celestia chortled and shook her head, “Somehow I doubt that she routinely summons dragons and beats them into submission just so she can play dragon therapist without them being angry at her.”
“.... That was one time. One! Time!” Jo’hira scowled and stomped out of Celestia’s study, leaving both Twilight and Celestia behind for the filly’s lesson. As she searched for Guardian once more, she huffed and straightened up, not letting herself get worked up over simple teasing.
“Found her!” Screwball exclaimed, trotting into one of the rooms. Jo’hira followed not long after, finding herself in an old timey classroom filled with wooden desks, one of which was occupied by Screwball, and the Guardian herself standing at the front of the room with a large chalk board behind her.
“Ah, Jo’hira. Thank you for bothering join us. Continue this tardiness young lady and you’ll be looking at detention for the rest of the year,” the Guardian said as she adjusted the newly appeared glasses on her muzzle. Screwball just giggled at her antics.
“....” Jo’hira shrugged and decided to play along, instantly swapping out her casual clothes for a school uniform and bowing deeply. “Sumimasen, Guardian-sensei. I shall try my best to be on time from now on.” She stood and took a seat, staring attentively at the board.
“I could do without the attitude, missy, but we have more important matters to cover,” the Guardian said, faintly snippy. “Now then class, who here can tell me about the Multiverse Theory?”
Jo’hira slowly raised her hand, remembering everything she had ever learned about both the planes of Oblivion and Tamriel, as well as the various things she had picked up while in Equestria.
“Ah, yes you, missy miss latey late.”
“The Multiverse Theory is the idea that every action or decision spawns a new Universe with changes based on which choice was taken, I think.” Jo’hira spoke with uncertainty, the long centuries having a rather negative impact on her recollection of an obscure theory learned in the very earliest years of her life.
“Correctamundo!” the Guardian exclaimed loudly, almost sillily. “A word I have never used before and hopefully never will again. Anyway! The Theory is absolutely correct, as Screwball already knows. Look at that, younger and already ahead. Gotta love that next generation.” She flashed a bright smile as the filly giggled. “But there is a big crucial part that this theory leaves out. And that is… if every action in a universe creates a parallel universe where the opposite action occurred… what happens to actions outside of universes?”
“.... I’ll be honest with you, I have absolutely no idea. I don’t usually talk to Akatosh.” Jo’hira slumped back and bemoaned her lack of knowledge internally.
“Uh huh,” the Guardian said slowly before looking at the ever eager Screwball. “And do you know what happens?”
Screwball nodded. “When actions happen outside of universes, their opposite actions create parallel multiverses which make up the whole of existence!”
“Righteo! Another word I don’t like,” the Guardian said as she began writing everything out on the board. “Or, as some refer to it as, the Omniverse. Omni means ‘all’, for those less informed. I’m talking to you, Jo’hira! I hope you’re getting this down; there will be a test at the end of the lesson!”
“....” Jo’hira rifled through her inventory and pulled out a worn notebook, flipping through it before writing down what she had learned so far. “You really do like being a teacher, don’t you…” she muttered as she wrote.
“I was a teacher once,” the pony replied, still scribbling out on the board. “I’ve been pretty much everything you can think of. A teacher, a nurse, a mechanic… even a parent for a while. But, I’m not the focus right now, well I am since you have to focus on me, but focus on me when I’m actually teaching and not talking about myself… I’m just going to continue the lesson. Anyway! What is a Displaced? There are many different forms and types, but in its simple form: Displaced are beings transfered from one universe to another while also being transformed into a different type of being. Whether it be through gaining powers, changing appearance… changing species,” the Guardian eyed Jo’hira. “Still with me, Joey?”
“Yup,” Jo’hira nodded, still taking notes. By this time, the notebook was already on its last legs, having already been filled with many pages of knowledge from ages past. “I’m one of the Displaced from the third category, I suppose, what with me turning from human to Khajiit.”
“Probably more than that, miss kitty. I highly doubt your voice could set people on fire before hand, after all. Power acquisition is the most common form of Displacement. But, and this where things get interesting, Displaced have one other special power. And that is: the creation of tokens!”
“Tokens?” Jo’hira asked, her head tilted cutely to the side. “What’s a Token?”
“Ah, see? You’re asking questions~,” the Guardian sing-songed. “A token is the symbol of a Displaced. They are a representation of who you are, what you are, and what you do. They can even be made out of pretty much anything. A rock, a gem, a coin, piece of junk. Hell, there’s even some poor sod out there with a chewed up pencap as his token. Or she, I didn’t read the entry thoroughly.”
“... A pencap? How… underwhelming…” Jo’hira muttered. “So, how exactly would I go about making a token?”
“Another good question, you’re starting to look like a proper straight ‘B’ student,” the Guardian snarked. “Anyway, the first tokens were actually created out of an instinct. Many of the first wave Displaced were able to sense out the callings of the Void and their powers dictated them into creating the first famous tokens. The soapstone, the book, and many others. Those, however, are rare in your days to find and those Displaced long past their prime to help you. But many others pop into the woodwork everyday at this point in the timestream.” She stopped for a moment. “Oop, went off on a tangent there. My bad.”
The Guardian cleared her throat. “Now, creating a token. The first step is to choose your signature. As said earlier, this object can be anything. A whistle, ball of yarn, a bag of catnip, you name it! And yes, I’m being insulting. No, I won’t apologize. Why, because it’s funny. Moving on! The question you need to ask yourself is:’ What do I want to represent me? What will make me known to the hundreds of others out there that could ask for my help at any moment’s notice?’ Hmm? Well, what is the perfect token for Jo’hira?”
Jo’hira rolled her eyes at Guardian’s so called “insults”, having already heard them and hundreds of others over the thousand or so years of her life. “I think…” she began as she rifled through her inventory, “I’d best be represented by something iconic to Skyrim… something very, very recognizable, but also portable and useful…” She tapped her chin, thinking of the thousands upon thousands of items stored in her inventory.
“Oh to hell with it. I’ll just use this, it’s recognizable enough anyway.” Thus did Jo’hira withdraw an item from her inventory, holding it aloft in such a way that it immediately caught the light. A basic iron helmet (http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fimg1.wikia.nocookie.net%2F__cb20121023001836%2Felderscrolls%2Fimages%2F1%2F18%2FIron_Helmet_SK.png&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNEdVQpP_-XcfnwxHUcy9IunhVzuaw), the most recognizable helmet in the game, though ultimately one of the worst helmets as well. “At least I finally have a use for this stupid thing…” Jo’hira murmured, turning the helmet over in her hands. “So now what do I do?”
“A nice choice,” the Guardian praised. “Now, step 2: energy infusion. You must infuse your potential token with your Void energy.”
“... And I do that… how?” Jo’hira wondered, searching through her soul to see if it had any answers. All she felt was the churning of her massive ocean of mana, its warm, somehow blue essence spreading through her as she went soul searching.
“You’re sensing your mana correct?” the Guardian asked, already knowing the answer. “You must search even deeper beyond. Your mana is only the surface. Below, you find an energy you will have only felt once before in your life.”
Jo’hira focused, sending her mental “probe” deeper down, diving past the swirls and eddies of her mana ocean until she came across a “darkened” area, one that felt chaotic and harmonic, light and dark, good and evil, all at the same time. It was a strangely infinite yet limited patch of energy… and it smelled strangely like chocolate ice cream and ozone.
“Yes, that energy deep within is Void energy. The unique signature of your Displacement. You must draw only a small portion of that energy into your token. But be careful, this process can be exhausting and should you pour too much, there will be terrible consequences.”
“I get that part… but why does it smell like chocolate ice cream and ozone?”
“The ozone is typical. The chocolate ice cream is because your Displacer isn’t the brightest of the bunch and probably did something to you involving the confectionary treat.”
Jo’hira began tugging at the patch, coaxing out the tiniest portion of it that she could, and began guiding it back to the surface of her soul, allowing it to diffuse through her body and into her arms, pouring ever so slightly into the helmet still snug in her grip.
“Hmm… it’s a little difficult to control…” Jo’hira’s brow furrowed as she drew back the tendril of Void energy, cutting off the flow with some difficulty. Once the dark patch of paradoxical substance had receded back under her mana reserves, she opened her eyes, noting that the description of the helmet now read “Iron Helmet (Token)”. “Okay, that’s done… now what?”
“Now you must send the newly made token into the Void. What many don’t know is that there are Void ‘holes’ in Displaced worlds. While you were not directly Displaced here like most, the dimensional walls are still rather weak. And according to the sonic,” the Guardian said while looking over her sonic screwdriver as it ran… which accidentally swept past Jo’hira.
Immediately, Jo’hira convulsed and fell out of her chair, a strangled scream tearing from her throat as she fell to the ground, gasping and wheezing. “What! The fuck! Was that!?” she exclaimed, looking around the room wildly. Jo’hira felt blind; nothing listed descriptions of itself, she couldn’t access any of her screens, subtitles were nowhere to be found, she couldn’t even see her compass at the top of her field of view. “What did you do!? What the fuck did you do!?” she screamed, already hyperventilating at the lack of sensory input.
The Guardian looked disappointed in Jo’hira. “I understand you’re upset, honey, but there is no reason to curse in front of a young child. I am sorry about that, though. I forgot the sonic has adverse effects on heads up displays like yours. It’s been awhile since I’ve been around a video game Displaced. You’ll be fine in about ten minutes or so… a month at most.”
“.... Okay… okay… I’ve had to do this before… Hermaeus Mora did this to me once and I can deal with it again…” Jo’hira breathed deeply, already calming down. A few flickers of light gathered in her palms as she mentally rolled through her list of spells served to calm her down further. If anything, at least her combat potential was still about as high as it ever was. “Whew… sorry about that… losing my HUD is… very disconcerting, as you can tell. Anyway, about that portal?”
“Ah yes, right, right…. Screwball, what are you doing, sweetie?” Jo’ hira looked over where the Guardian was looking, seeing the little filly sniffing around like a dog.
“I smell chaos! I can feel it in my bones! No wait… that’s not just any chaos, I smell the Void!” Screwball exclaimed.
“You… you can ‘smell’ the Void?” the Guardian asked, completely thrown for a loop. “Are you well?”
“I feel fine! But, I’m serious, I can smell a weak point!”
“Well, that’s new. But, I’d like to see if you’re right, SO! Adelante, Screwball; lead the way!”
Screwball got back to her sniffing, leading the two out of the classroom and through the winding hallways of the castle.
“The sonic’s starting to go crazy,” the Guardian said as Screwball led them towards one of the castle towers. “We must be getting close.”
Jo’hira looked up at the tower, helmet grasped under one arm. “Huh… I recognize that tower… it’s the one Twilight blew up when she did her test for the Academy. Weird.”
“Ah, that would make sense,” the Guardian nodded. “Twilight’s magic is more powerful than any other unicorn in history. No other will succeed her for the next five thousand, four hundred and seventy three years. Her magic, even so young, would easily destabilize the dimensional properties of the surrounding area.”
“She did accidentally tear a portal from Equestria to the Soul Cairn, which should be… nigh impossible on a good day for anyone that’s not me. No wonder the dimensional walls are weakened there.”
Upon walking into the viewing room, the two found Screwball sniffing and circling around the center area. “Right here! I can smell it with my nose!”
“I’d be worried if you were smelling it with anything other than your nose.” The Guardian chuckled at her own joke. “Hmm, now then, just a quick little burst and…” She pointed her screwdriver at the spot and a portal, no bigger than Twiley herself tore into existence. “There we are. Isn’t she a beauty? A hole directly into the greatest expanse in all that will ever be. Also known as the Void if you were paying attention, but I prefer to call it that.”
Jo’hira stared at the portal and then looked down at the helmet in her grip, hearing a faint song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsnRQJxanVM) emanating from it. With one last turnover of the helmet, she chucked the newly made Token into the space between realms, watching as it tumbled through un-space and split into infinite copies to drift off to whatever Universe may come next.
“See?” the Guardian said, chipper as ever. “That wasn’t so bad.”
“Hey what’s that?” Screwball said, looking into the portal. “It’s all metally and stuff.”
“Metal?” The Guardian looked in, her eyes going wide before she pointed the screwdriver back at the portal. A moment later, it sealed up. “Whoops, forgot those were still flying around during this time period as well.”
“Wait, what was that?” Jo’hira asked.
“Well, contrary to popular belief, the Void is not actually devoid of life. There are millions upon millions that call it home… or as homey as the Void can be. But, during a particular incident, a less friendly life was introduced and spread through the nothingness. What was about to come into your universe was a Dalek. Nasty little bugger. Be glad it didn’t make it through; nigh impossible to kill and ruder than Blueblood at a peasant convention.”
Jo’hira shook her head, “Yeah, that wouldn’t have been good to have in this world at all…” She straightened up, checking her field of view and noticing that her HUD had fitfully sputtered back to life, flickering in and out, but still there again. “Oh hey, I think whatever your sonic did is wearing off.”
“Well that’s good, I’ll have to note that it only lasts about ten minutes. Well, I think that’s enough Void shenanigans for today, what say we go find sunbutt and little Twily and go out for some dinner, eh?”
“You two go on ahead, I have something I need to do real quick,” Jo’hira said, a spell charging in her hands as she walked away. “I need to talk to a guy about a dragon.”
“Alright, but don’t be long. See you at dinner, honey!” The Guardian and Screwball walked off down the hall.
Neither party ever realizing that the portal had reopened.
Jo’hira strolled through the halls of the tower, playing with the fire in her hands as she called up her Thu’um once more, allowing the draconic power in her soul to rise to the surface. As she walked, she began speaking, the words thundering from her mouth with visible waves of magic, “Bormah stahdim aak zey. Bex miiraak wah lein do dilon hun!” The tide of gold surged around her as the Divines heard her prayer and answered, whisking Jo’hira from the face of Equestria in a flash of sunfire and a distortion in time.
“Mm, that was quite the lovely dinner, Tia,” the Guardian sighed as she leaned back in her chair. She, Celestia, Screwball, and Twilight were all finishing up their dinner, only going through idle chit chat during the meal. “My compliments to the chef, and to the one who hired him or her.”
Celestia gently wiped her mouth with her napkin, nodding in agreement. “Mm, Five Star has truly outdone himself today, I must say. I suppose the presence of guests lit a fire under him, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Uh huh!” Screwball nodded. “This is the best reception we’ve gotten so far! Or at least ever since I started tagging along.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, Screwy. This may be the most lavish reception, but the Jedi were more than friendly. I’d give this an eight out of ten, mostly due to the ‘welcome’ we received from Jo’hira.”
“I couldn’t help but notice the almost audible air quotes around the word ‘welcome’,” Celestia spoke up, turning her head attentively towards Guardian, “did Jo’hira do something… odd, again?”
“Well, can’t completely blame her for it, but the little kitty did threaten us upon arrival. May have been the engines, though, they tend to scare the ill prepared.”
Celestia dropped her face into her hooves, eliciting a giggle from Twilight, “I always tell Jo’hira to reign in her violent impulses, but she always says that her time in Skyrim makes her too paranoid about strange noises. The fact that she’s usually right only makes it worse.”
“Jo’hira’s beat up so many hostile nobles that there’s actually a wing in the hospital for Jojo related injuries!” Twilight exclaimed.
The Guardian smiled with a tiny chuckle. “Ah, I do love a good warrior woman. Not many out there, you know. But I feel we’re starting to stall, aren’t we Celestia?” she said with a knowing smile. “I can tell you have questions. There’s always that little gleam in your eye when you’re curious. It’s a remarkable constant between your alternates.”
Celestia had the good grace to look sheepish, “Ah, forgive me, it’s just that I’ve never met someone from outside the Universe before. How does one even survive the journey, I wonder? Does it have something to do with that strange wooden box you came from?”
“Ah yes, you wouldn’t know about extrauniversal travel, would you? Well! That ‘box’, as it were, is actually my vehicle and home that allows me to travel through both time and space through the multiverse and beyond. It is known as a time and relative dimensions in space machine, or TARDIS for short.”
“An… interesting name… And you are correct, we don’t know much of anything about extrauniversal travel, as Jo’hira refuses to give up her knowledge on how she keeps traveling back to her home realm of Skyrim.” Celestia punctuated this with a slightly irritated look, remembering long hours of Jo’hira constantly shutting down her attempts to study the khajiit’s methods.
“That’s actually quite the easy answer, but it’s not replicable,” the Guardian said as she took a nice sip of tea.
“Oh? I’m curious as to how you know already,” Celestia took a sip as well, savoring the rich taste of her Zebrican Red tea, “After all, I’m fairly certain Jo’hira wouldn’t have shared with you if she hasn’t shared with me.”
“She didn’t share it with me,” the Guardian said cryptically. “It is through her voice that she is able to travel between her realm and this one.”
Celestia’s eyes lit up in understanding, “Aah, so it is her Thu’um. Hmph, she could have just said as much… Anyway, now that that mystery has been cleared out of the way, just what is it that you do, miss Guardian?”
“Oh I travel mostly. Just going around, seeing what there is to be seen, learning what there is that can be learnt. It’s good for one’s social life, but not necessarily for their health.”
“The path of the travelling scholar, I see,” Celestia nodded sagely, “It’s a good path, very educational, but as you have stated, not always good for the health. It is very good for making friends, though.”
“Unfortunate for me, is that I’ve made far more enemies than friends. That is much more common in the time period we hail from, though.”
Celestia winced, “I can’t imagine a mare such as yourself having that many enemies, you don’t seem like the type who’d have too many. Though, if your time period really is that bad…”
“I’m not allowed to give any spoilers, Tia,” the Guardian replied with a glint in her eyes. “Nice try, but those kinds of secrets are under lock and key up here.” She tapped her noggin.
“Hmph,” Celestia pouted, “and I thought I’d actually get something out of your oh-so-mysterious little noggin.”
“Tia, older than you have tried to breach my mind only to fail like the foals they are. Please do not compare me to the ponies you keep under your watchful eye. I have long since grown away from that kind of relationship.”
“I understand, Guardian. Though, I confess, I was treating you as if you were one of my own little ponies, and I apologize. Still, I do have to wonder what the realm outside of this Universe is like.” Celestia took another sip of her tea, looking at Guardian with an air of scientific curiosity.
“The Void? Oh, well the Void is nothing special, really,” she waved off. “It’s an endless space of complete nothingness. Sure, it can be beautiful if you can manage to see some of the stuff out there, but most just see nothing. Fun fact, most ancient cultures actually have a name for the Void.”
“Really?” Twilight asked.
“Yes. They called it ‘Hell’.”
“.... Oh,” Celestia’s eyes widened, “so that’s what it is.”
Twilight’s head tilted and she looked up at Celestia, “What’s Hell? I’ve never heard of it being mentioned before.”
Celestia placed her hoof gently on Twilight’s back, “I’ll tell you once you’re older, Twilight. But right now, just know that it was often referred to as the afterlife for exceptionally bad people.”
“...Oh…”
“Yes, the Void is not the greatest of places. Terrible creatures reside within, many I had to face down back in the day. But, despite it’s horrors, the Void allows us access to the many universes beyond this one. And being able to see that vast beauty is well worth the travel.”
“I would imagine.” Celestia smiled as she imagined seeing other Universes; what wonders would they reveal? “I do have to wonder just what the other worlds are like…”
The Guardian got that starry look in her eye that Screwball was beginning to know all too well. “Ah, you would be amazed at the splendor, Tia. There’s universes beyond imagination out there! I found several that are made up of nothing but cake! And others that sparkled more brilliantly than any other possibly could! I swear it was as if the Crystal Empire had taken over the entire universe… which, come to think of it, wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility. But there’s just so much out there to see and the possibilities are literally endless!”
Celestia began imagining, already thinking of the splendor of all that lay in the Void, “Oh, how I wish that we had some method of reliably seeing these sorts of places. Truly, the Void’s splendors must never seem to cease!”
Just then, a guard burst into the room, heavily wounded and slightly charred, “Your Highness! We’re under attack!”
Celestia immediately snapped to attention, drawing a sword and armor out of a swirl of golden sunfire and striding up to the guard. “What happened? Where is the attacker and what do they look like? Do you know their capabilities?”
The guard leaned heavily against a wall, gasping for breath, “Just… just outside the Academy’s testing centers, milady! It… it appears to be large… it looks like a strangely made saltshaker! It has lasers, and we can’t seem to penetrate its armor no matter what we try!”
Celestia frowned and headed for an open window, addressing a nearby maid as she walked, “Send him to the infirmary immediately and have him treated to the best of your ability.” She turned to Guardian and apologized, “I’m sorry, but I must go protect my citizens. We can continue later, should I emerge victorious.” With that the solar diarch spread her wings and lifted off, ascending into the sky above Canterlot in a streak of brilliant gold.
The Guardian sat there dazed for a moment before the situation finally kicked in. “Hot Belgian waffles, that mare has no idea what she’s getting herself into!” she nearly screamed. She rushed over to the maid who was taking away the guard, stopping them. “Wait, soldier, about the attacker. Was there anything else distinguishing about it? Markings? What about color?”
The guard wheezed, pain lacing every word, “It’s… its w-white… almost as tall as the Princess… looked like it had a toilet plunger and an eggbeater for arms….”
“Heavens help us,” the Guardian muttered as her eyes widened. “Screwball, Twilight! Come with me! The Princess needs our help!” she shouted before running down the hall.
“Coming!” the two fillies shouted, following quickly.
“What’s wrong, Guardian?” Screwball asked.
“I was a fool,” she said, more to herself than Screwy. “I should have made sure that tear was good and sealed. Now… now we might have the end of the world on our hooves.”
“What do you mean end of the world!?” Twilight shouted, barely able to keep up with her tiny legs.
“Your leader is facing off against one of the most dangerous beings you can find, and it’s come from the Void make it who-knows-how powerful.” The Guardian skidded to a stop in front of her TARDIS, unlocking it with a quick spell and getting her and the fillies in. “And if we don’t get to your mentor, young Twilight… well, let’s not think about that shall we?” She flipped several switches and levers before the engines turned on again.
Twilight shifted in place, overcome with worry for her mentor. “I hope Princess Celestia is okay…”
“Don’t worry, Twily,” Screwball consoled. “The Guardian always wins! No matter what!”
‘I certainly hope so, Screwy,’ the Guardian thought to herself. ‘Because I would really rather not have this be the first time you see what usually happens.’
Celestia reeled back as she just barely dodged a laser aimed at her head, lashing out with her sword and scoring the Dalek’s armor with steaming scratches. The alabaster alicorn cursed and dodged another laser, taking to the air in an attempt to gain some sort of upper ground.
As she flew, Celestia’s horn glowed with awesome power, shafts of sunlight emanating from its spirals. And when the light had reached an intensity unable to be looked directly upon by mortal eyes, the sun mysteriously darkened for a brief moment before it flared, hundreds of times brighter than before, and launched an absolutely ridiculously sized pillar of solar plasma directly into the Dalek’s eyestalk.
The beam held its fire for a long, tense minute, burrowing deep into the foundation beneath Canterlot and converting thousands of tons of rock into molten magma. Finally, Celestia collapsed, no longer used to wielding the might of her own sun. Smoke billowed into the air from the impact site and magma spilled from the crater as a monument to Celestia’s magical prowess.
Celestia glared at the lava filled hole, thinking, ‘Is it over?’ Her ears perked up at a strange sound, following it up to the smoke cloud above the pit. As the smoke began to clear, her eyes widened in complete fear.
“Your pitiful attacks are nothing to the Supreme Dalek!” the floating, white machine spouted at her. “You and your kind will be Exterminated!”
Celestia tried to stand, shaking with every movement, but failed. She had used up too much magic and now her body was paying for it. She looked up, past the Dalek, into the sky that was just now entering the earliest stages of sunset.
Celestia stared at the moon and despaired, knowing that her sister would never be freed from her curse. The Dalek stared impassively down at Celestia’s almost weeping form and charged its gunstick, aiming directly at Celestia’s head.
“You will only be the first of many. This world now belongs to the Daleks.”
A strange noise, far off yet commanding in its tone, attracted the attention of everyone nearby. Celestia’s eyes widened– she knew exactly what that sound was!
“Jo’hira!” she whispered under her breath, despair already long gone from her heart.
The sound– an unearthly, powerful roar– rang out again, this time closer. Both Celestia and Supreme Dalek looked around for its source as the sound of wingbeats began echoing through the city’s rubble.
A great shadow blotted out the sun, draconic in shape and with glowing red eyes. The shadow opened it’s hellish maw and roared to the heavens, strange words seemingly twisting into the very fabric of reality and exacting an effect that should not have normally happened.
“LOK YOL MAH!”
Fire rained from the sky, hundreds of meteors flashing into existence and slamming into the Dalek from all angles. Atop the pitch black dragon’s head, a single figure stood in draconic armor, radiant energy wafting off its form to add to the effect.
Jo’hira smirked from atop Alduin’s head and directed the World Eater down. Alduin landed with an earthshaking thud, throwing up clouds of dust as he screamed out his challenge.
“Miss me, Krein Key?”
“I-is that… Alduin!?” Celestia gaped, recognizing the World Eater from Jo’hira’s descriptions of him. “I... I thought you killed him!”
Jo’hira shrugged, and patted Alduin’s horn, causing the black dragon to lower his head so she could step off, “I made a deal with Akatosh. After all, our fight was just a bit of sibling rivalry, y’know.”
“An overgrown lizard and a bipedal feline will not stop the Daleks!” the Supreme Dalek exclaimed, his body healing all of the dents Alduin’s attack had inflicted. “Daleks are supreme! You will all be exterminated!”
Alduin grumbled, snorting fire from his nostrils, “Pahlokaal mal balnu nahlii…”
Jo’hira looked up at the Dalek, scratching her head, “Okay, this is… not good. Not good at all.” With that understatement out of the way, she charged up a spell, ever thankful that she had installed all those Mods in her own Skyrim. Jo’hira’s hands glowed with gold streaked crimson, and as she let loose, twin beams of light lanced out, covering the Dalek in a shifting web of health and magicka draining yellow light.
“AAAAHH!” the dalek screamed in pain as it was blasted back. “Hull barrier breached! Damages must be repaired! Hibernation rest require….d.” The machine’s stalk bent down slightly as the lights within died off.
“... Huh. That actually did something,” Jo’hira muttered, “If a single blast of an Arcane Beam did that much… Maybe an Arcane Blast will do more…” Her hands immediately glowed red again, this time with the crackling of static and a hum of repressed energy. A second later, Jo’hira threw her hands forward and launched twin orbs of crimson and gold at the Dalek, striking it with all the force of an exploding artillery shell. The same shifting web appeared again, this time lasting even longer.
The next second, the TARDIS’ made its appearance, landing right beside Celestia with the Guardian and fillies immediately running out. “The dalek! Where’s the dalek?!”
Jo’hira pointed at the stunned Dalek and activated another spell, a bow made of shifting violet energy appearing in her hands. “Guardian, if you know any shield spells, now would be a good time to activate one that’ll let me fire through it.” Jo’hira readied the bow and nocked an ethereal arrow, drawing back the string and aiming.
“Put that down, you hinzaal reym!” the Guardian shouted, forcing Jo’hira’s arms down with her hooves. “Are you trying to make everything worse?!”
“What, does it absorb energy from massive explosions?” Jo’hira asked, letting the bow dispel and drawing a massive, glowing, golden greatsword.
“No! ...well, sometimes it can do that, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” The Guardian took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “We can’t kill the dalek. We have to get it out of your universe and back into the Void.”
“... Khajiit is confused. Why must we not kill the overgrown saltshaker ter-” Jo’hira was cut off as she had to duck out of the way of a crackling bolt of energy coming from the formerly downed Dalek. “Shit! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwQzfPZqzHU) This thing doesn’t stay down does it!?” she roared, rolling to a halt and immediately casting a pair of fireballs.
“As I said before, nigh indestructible,” the Guardian said as she forced the fillies down as well. “You two stay back with Celestia!” she ordered them.
“Guardian look out!” Screwball screamed as the dalek prepared to gun down the mare.
“Oh blast,” the Guardian cursed as three bolts were fired her way. Reaching into her back pocket, she pulled out her little souvenir from their previous travels and activated the long, glowing green blade. With quick succession, the Guardian batted away the bolts, sending them harmlessly into the ground. “I never thought this thing would come in handy again,” she muttered, looking at the lightsaber.
Jo’hira, meanwhile, had leapt onto Alduin’s back once again and took to the air to rain massive concussive waves of sound upon the Dalek, hoping to at least disorient it while Guardian hopefully came up with a better plan to defeat it than Jo’hira’s own “hit it until it dies” plan. Jo’hira shouted into the open air, “Zul Mey Gut!”
Down by Guardian, Jo’hira’s voice spoke directly into her ear, “Please tell me you’ve made a plan for getting rid of this thing because my only plan was to hit it until it dies.”
“We have to somehow get it back into the Void,” the Guardian said to the open air, deflecting the dalek’s bolts as they came. “Wait! Your entry mentioned you having such a power! Have you learned that yet? How to open a portal to the Void?”
Jo’hira read the subtitles as they appeared and threw her voice again, “I honestly have no idea how, I know the words to do a lot of things, but I can’t comprehend the word for Void at all!” She continued raining fire upon the dalek, hitting it with lightning, fire, ice, every single spell from her dubstep mod, arcane beams and blasts, acid arrows, even the odd whirlwind or two.
“Ooh!,” the Guardian muttered, batting another bolt. “I am tired of all these murder bolts! Time to get rid of that stupid blaster.” She narrowed her eyes slightly at the gunstock, taking good aim at it. With a deep breath, she whispered, “Fus...Ro...Dah!” The naked eye would have been unable to see what had occurred, but to Jo’hira’s trained eyes she could easily see the tiny wind blast that shot off at the dalek. The tiny blast impacted right on the dalek’s weapon, blasting it to pieces.
“What trickery is this?!” the Supreme Dalek shouted in anger at losing its weapon. “You dare destroy a weapon of the daleks?! You will be EXTERMINATED!” Alduin chose that moment to slam into the Supreme Dalek, driving it into the ground as Alduin repeatedly stomped on it and ground it against the cobblestones.
Jo’hira leapt from Alduin’s head and sprinted back to Guardian, shouting, “How the fuck did you manage to break that thing!?”
“Language, honey, foals are still in hearing range,” the Guardian chided. “And it was but a simple thu’um. The unyielding force one, I believe.”
“Fus Ro Dah doesn’t usually come out so… invisibly,” Jo’hira deadpanned, keeping an eye on Alduin, who was still grinding the Dalek into the dirt.
“Oh!” the Guardian said slowly. “I see, you haven’t learned precision yet. Understandable that you’d be confused.”
“Precision? Yeah, Dovahzul is normally used by Dovah, who, if you haven’t guessed… don’t usually need precision…” Jo’hira muttered. Alduin, meanwhile, had begun using the dalek as a chew toy, pinning it to the ground and fruitlessly gnashing at its metallic shell.
“Daleks are supreme! Daleks are supreme!” the machine kept ranting on. Alduin kept biting on it, ignoring its words.
“Well, we have a moment before the dalek will be ready to strike back again, so I could give you a quick tip. Thu’ums are not just shouts, they are simple words. It is your voice that gives them power. So, that means that how you say the words will affect their power. With the unrelenting force, a whisper will allow you to condense the blast to almost a prin pick, increasing its power at the cost of its range. Almost like a sniper shot, if you still remember what those are.”
“I see…” Jo’hira murmured, turning to Alduin and snapping her fingers. Alduin complied with the unspoken signal, throwing the saliva covered Dalek into the air, directly at Jo’hira. Just as it came within half the range of a normal Fus Ro Dah, Jo’hira’s eyes glowed blue, a barely audible whisper rippling from her mouth and slamming into the exact center of the dalek’s eyestalk like an armor piercing bullet. “Fus… Ro Dah!”
The dalek let out an ear piercing scream as its eye stalk disintegrated from the blast. Unfortunately, it left the remainder of the dalek intact. “YOU WILL ALL DIE!! YOU WILL ALL SUFFER! YOU WILL. ALL. BE. EXTERMINATED!”
“Hoo, you really made it mad now, Joey,” the Guardian chuckled. “But we need to get rid of it now before anything worse happens.”
“Right, does it still have any weapons?” Jo’hira asked, staring at the enraged dalek. “Because if it does, I’m gonna need you to cover me while I do something potentially stupid.”
“The only remaining weapon that a Supreme Dalek has is… oh no.” The Guardian’s eyes shrank in fear as the weight of the dalek’s words finally hit her.
Jo’hira cursed and facepalmed, “Don’t tell me: Self destruct strong enough to destroy a planet?”
“Well, enough to wipe Canterlot off the map… along with most of Equestria. And since the Supreme Dalek would die in the explosion, the distress beacon goes out and...well, you know.”
Jo’hira sighed and began chanting in Dovahzul, an ethereal golden light swirling into being around her. “Bormah avok mii pah, bodiir zey hin mul. Bormah avok, bodiir zey hin mindah. Wah bild daar gutlein do key, wah bild sovaar do ahkos. Zu'u faan voknau hi, Akatosh, wah bodiir zey hin mindah do rot Nil ful tol Zu'u aal fid daar hokoron zek nol kolos rok bo!” The glow intensified, bringing with it swirls of eldritch light as the very sun itself opened and streamed down the blessings of Akatosh down upon Jo’hira, gifting her with the knowledge of Void. When the light died down, Jo’hira stood, clad in a golden aura and eyes burning blue. She spoke, a dual-toned echo carrying the existential weight of Akatosh’s own soul, “Guardian, stand back… this will be… loud.”
The Guardian nodded and raced over to the others. “Cover your ears, everypony! This isn’t going to be pleasant!”
“RAF… NIL BEX!” The shout, the Thu’um, rang out across all of Canterlot, a Thu’um so powerful that even on the other side of the planet could it be heard. The very force of the words shook the mountain Canterlot stood upon, threatening to crumble its foundations to nothingness.
For a moment, all was silent.
Then, a great, heaving portal tore itself into existence. Shrieking and wailing enough to almost rival the sheer amount of noise that Jo’hira’s Thu’um had generated, the paradoxical hole to the Void swallowed the Supreme Dalek whole and dragged it, screaming, back from whence it came. The portal closed with little fanfare, sealing itself with an almost insultingly quiet pop.
The glow around Jo’hira receded and her eyes returned themselves to their normal green as she collapsed to the ground and began hacking up droplets of blood from her shredded throat.
“Ha ha!” the Guardian laughed/cheered. “Bloody brilliant, Jo’hira! Bloody freakin’ brilliant!”
Jo’hira continued to hack up her lungs and shredded vocal chords, but still held out long enough to raise a thumbs up at Guardian before collapsing, face first into the dirt. After a few moments, Jo’hira’s HP regeneration finally gave her back enough of herself to rasp out, “Never… ack… never want to-hrk- do that again….”
“Hopefully not… at least for a good day or so. Ya hear that Celly, ol bean? Ya need to keep the the cat’s tongue tied! At least a day so it’ll heal right.”
Celestia nodded and winced, still feeling the ache of magic depletion, “I understand. Jo’hira, no speaking of any sort for the next day, do you understand? It’s for your own good.”
Jo’hira glared, but acquiesced, tying a muzzle over face just in case. Celestia chuckled and turned to Guardian, “Well, this has certainly been an interesting day…” Behind Jo’hira, the Bend Will Thu’um finally wore off on Alduin and the black dragon’s eyes abruptly lost their glow and he sank to the ground, dead to the world.
“Really?” Screwball asked. “Seems like a normal Tuesday for us.”
The Guardian couldn’t help, but smile. “Ah, see? You are learning!”
“Maybe to you, but Canterlot’s Tuesdays are usually filled with paperwork and court sessions,” Celestia groused. Jo’hira raced over to Alduin’s side and began prodding the downed dragon, slightly confused.
“What’s wrong with the dragon?” the filly asked, looking over.
“Let’s see if Jo’hira can explain, shall we?” the Guardian said with a smirk before remembering something. “Oh, right… she can’t talk. Hmm… aha! Telepathy spell!” Her horn lit with golden magic that wrapped around Jo’hira’s head for a moment. “There, takes care of that!”
‘I have no clue what happened to Alduin,’ Jo’hira broadcasted, still poking at Alduin’s insensate form, ‘though I do have my theories...’
“Like what, kitty?” Screwball asked.
Jo’hira sighed, more to herself than anything, ‘When I killed Alduin back in Sovngarde, I… I think I broke him. The Dovah were never meant to comprehend the concept of Joor, of being mortal. The only reason why the dovah that I killed didn’t break was because I ate their souls and forced them to learn from my font of knowledge as well. The fact that Alduin’s soul was just taken back by Akatosh just meant that he couldn’t recover.’
“In other words, you’ve been riding a zombie dragon,” the Guardian summed up, lightly kicking the overgrown lizard.
‘Well, a more or less mind controlled brain-dead dragon that probably would actively hate every last fibre of my being were he to be restored back to full functionality, yes,’ Jo’hira muttered. ‘I’m pretty sure the Bend Will Thu’um laid on him actually made him worse...’
“Well,” the Guardian sucked lightly on her lower lip, “Whatever works, I suppose. He’s a part of your entry, so I would wager you two are stuck with each other for a while.”
‘Akatosh said as much when I was bartering for Alduin’s soul...’ She looked at Alduin’s insensate carcass once more and placed her hands on her hips. ‘Great, how am I supposed to drag this guy’s tail back to the palace? I’m strong but I’m not thatstrong.’
“I wish you luck with that,” the Guardian nodded. “But, Screwball and I must be on our way. Come, Screwy!” The mare turned on her hooves and started trotting to her TARDIS.
“We’re just gonna leave? Just like that?” Screwball asked, only slightly following.
“Of course! We’ve done our part here, now it’s time to go.”
“Wait… are you saying you knew this was gonna happen?!” the filly accused.
“Well,” the Guardian drew out longer than most normally would, “Not… specifically that this would happen, no.”
‘... I guess I’m not getting any help with this carcass...’ Jo’hira kept staring at Alduin’s form, thinking of ways to drag him back to the palace. ‘Anyway, it was nice meeting you, even though all… thishappened.’
“It has been a pleasure for us as well,” the Guardian bowed. “Thank the nice kitty, Screwy.”
“Thanks, Jo’hira!” Screwball waved.
Jo’hira saluted in return, just in time for Celestia to finish checking over Twilight and catch the tail end of the conversation. “Guardian… you mean to say… you knew something would happen?” Celestia stared at Guardian, a frown etched into her face.
“W-well… yes and no,” she shook her head a little. “Time was, uh, in flux at this point, so anything could have happened really. I just knew that we would need to be here to help with it. Like I said, I didn’t specifically know it was going to be a dalek. But… eh, yeah, I knew Canterlot was going to be a little destroyed. Said so in the entry.”
“.... And you didn’t think to warn us, even in the slightest?” For all that Celestia was a mother figure in most worlds, in this one, her glare was that of a warrior, intimidating and fierce in its protectiveness.
The Guardian, while nervous, was otherwise unfazed. “There are certain… laws, let’s call them, to what a time lord can do for stuff like this. I can help and give advice during a crisis, but preventing certain events, well that’s not something I can very well do. Some things must occur for other things to happen right. But, hey! At least there’s not too much damage!” She looked around, seeing several blocks on fire, not to mention the bubbling lava pit in the middle of the street. “Eh, should take you a week… few years at most.”
“......” Celestia held her glare, sorely disappointed by Guardian’s lack of help. “You would leave without even the slightest offer to help clean up this mess?”
‘That iskinda a dick move… then again, I never offered to clean up messes that I helped end, but still, nobody ever asked...’
The Guardian groaned. “Alright, fine!” The mare’s horn lit with a blinding golden light. When the light died away, the entire scene of destruction had been repaired. “Happy now?” she panted, clearly spent from the spell.
Screwball was relatively speechless. “...woah.”
Celestia looked around and saw the completely repaired streets and buildings, “Actually, yes, I am happy now. Very impressive, Guardian.”
“Thank you. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get Screwball home for school and I…” She shook her head like she was coming off the drink. “I need a nap.”
Celestia nodded, “Of course, Guardian. Then, I bid you farewell and good luck in your journeys.”
The Guardian let out an exasperated breath. “Despedida, Celestia.” She nodded lightly to Jo’hira. “Vonok, dovahkiin.” She and Screwball retreated into the TARDIS… only for the mare to poke her head out the door. “Oh, and Celestia?”
“Yes?” Celestia replied.
The time mare gave Celestia a light smile full of hope. “Only a few more years, Tia. Only a few more and then she’ll be right by your side again. Just have a little faith in your student, eh?” The Guardian gave a wink to the solar princess.
Celestia gasped, “Y-you don’t mean-!?”
“Shh,” the Guardian urged. “No spoilers, my little pony.” She gave wide, tooth-filled smile. “You’ll see soon enough.” The door closed behind her and the TARDIS’ engines started up. The wheezing roar echoed around the remaining locals, the shed slowly fading out of existence. After several tenseful moments, it was gone.
Jo’hira walked up behind Celestia after the TARDIS left, ‘So can I get some help to drag a brain dead dragon back to the palace? He’s kinda heavy.’
“Oh, yes! I apologize, Jo’hira. Guards! Guards! Help Jo’hira get her friend here back to the palace would you?”
Every guard still physically healthy groaned in despair.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                   Mindos, Lahney, Naram                   
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Mindos, Lahney, Naram
“Jojo?” Twilight asked, looking up from her book on ancient Dwemer Law.
“Yes Twilight?” Jo’hira rasped, throat still sore from Akatosh’s possession of her, even three weeks later. “What is it?”
Twilight blushed and tapped her hooves together, “... Why do you look so different from the other Khajiit in Skyrim? I mean… uh… they all look like cats but you look more like a Nord than a normal Khajiit…”
Jo’hira blinked, “Oh, that’s si-” She coughed twice, then swigged down a health potion, “-simple. The Khajiit in Skyrim are the Cathay breed. I’m an Ohmes Raht. It helps deal with the other races of Men, since I’m almost indistinguishable at a distance.”
“Oh… mes… Raht?” Twilight questioned, “I don’t get it… how can one race have such massive differences in physiology…? Even ponies are separated into Unicorn, Pegasus, and Earth Pony, and a few other races...”
Jo’hira sighed, “That’s because of how Khajiit biology is heavily influenced by the two moons of Nirn, Masser and Secunda.”
“That sounds… really weird, Jojo…” Twilight twisted her face into an expression of puzzled curiosity, “How could the moons change your bodies that much…?”
“Hell if I know,” Jo’hira muttered, then pulled out a journal detailing Khajiit biology in relation to the two moons of Nirn. “Let’s see… The movement of Masser is the most important part of a Khajiit’s physiology since it determines the general body structure. There are four types of structure that correspond with the phases of Masser: Full- Large quadruped, Waxing- Large Biped, New- Small Biped, Waning- Small Quadruped. Within these four categories lies the 16 main breeds of Khajiit, the separate breeds of which are determined by the phases of Secunda.”
Twilight listened intently, scribbling down notes and wondering if she’d be able to borrow Jo’hira’s journal later on.
“With Secunda’s movement, there comes a lot of changes to the general structure. Let’s start with Large Quadrupeds. Full- Senche, which are like tigers, but a bit taller than me when on their hind legs. Waxing- Senche Raht, which are like Senche, but twice as tall as I am on all fours. New- Pahmar, which are basically tigers. Waning- Pahmar Raht, which is larger than a normal Pahmar. With Large Bipeds, we have the following races: Full- Cathay, the ones found in Skyrim. Waxing- Cathay Raht, which are more bestial and animalistic; taller too. New- Tojay, not a lot known, since they stick to the forests. Waning- Tojay Raht, just like the Tojay, they stick to the forests so there’s not a lot known. With Small Bipeds, there’s the following: Full- Ohmes, which look like the Wood Elves, but are shorter and cattier. Waxing- Ohmes Raht, which is what I am. Usually they have golden fur, but I lucked out. New- Suthay, which are like Ohmes but even more catty. Waning- Suthay Raht, which are basically just taller Suthay. With Small Quadrupeds, there’s: Full- Alfiq, which are more or less house cats. Waxing- Alfiq Raht, which are bigger house cats. New- Dagi, which are bigger and skinnier Alfiq that hang around in trees. And Waning- Dagi Raht, which are just bigger Dagi. There’s the seventeenth breed of Khajiit, the Mane, which comes when Masser and Secunda align with some third moon, but I’ve never met one. They’ve got ridiculously amazing manes.” Jo’hira finished her speech by chugging down three more health potions and a quick application of healing salve to her throat, coughing lightly as she finished. “Any questions?”
Twilight’s eyes spun in their sockets, dizzied and dazed by the sheer amount of words that Jo’hira had just thrown at her.
“... I suppose not. Come on, Twilight. Let’s get back to the castle. It’s almost suppertime and I have to go oversee some new thing or another back in Cyrodiil.
“And now, the one you’ve all been waiting for: Empress Jo’hira Javanahir, blessed be her name! Everyone give a warm welcome to our eternal empress! Thank you for coming to bless the opening ceremony of the new Temple of Mara!” the announcer, an overly enthusiastic Dunmer, waved his arms at the crowd, stepping aside to let Jo’hira mount the stage in all her glory.
Robes of Office swishing with every step and Circlet of Office gleaming in the sun, Jo’hira cut an impressive figure as she stood before the gathered crowd. “Citizens of Bruma! It is my pleasure to be here on this most auspicious of events!” Jo’hira projected, a warm smile upon her face and no trace of her previous injury remaining. “And with the opening of this new Temple to Lady Mara, I lay upon it my own blessings!” Jo’hira turned to the temple and looked up towards the sky, arms raised as she began her earth-shaking message, “Naram voth zin ahrk aam voth lokaal. Vos daar raald kriist wah oblaan do tiid!” Her words rumbled through the mountain air, shaking snow from the rooftops and filling the atmosphere with the burning heat of draconic power.
Immediately after the echo of Jo’hira’s words died down, the crowd went absolutely wild. Raucous cheers and praise filled the air in the wake of Jo’hira’s blessing, and flowers were thrown from every angle.
Jo’hira basked in the praise and adulations, a warm smile upon her face as she caught the closer flowers and weaved them into a second crown. As she placed the flower crown upon her head, she frowned when she heard a disturbingly familiar noise.
With a quick spin and an outstretched arm, she caught her would-be assassin by the throat and raised him into the air, coolly noting his lack of Dark Brotherhood armor. As the crowd gasped in shock and awe, Jo’hira muttered lowly, so that only the assassin could hear her, “You’re not one of mine, or you’d know damn well better than to try and kill your boss… Who are you and who sent you…?”
Of course, Jo’hira had already read his name from the interaction box- Harald Stormsaddle- but asked just for courtesy, seeing as she already had a quest marker pop into her field of view.
“I’ll never tell you, cat!” Harald spat, arms futilely trying to dislodge Jo’hira’s grip. “I’d rather see Cyrodiil burn than leave it in the hands of a decrepit beast hag like you!”
Jo’hira sighed and turned back to the crowd, “I know it’s terribly rude to hold an execution on the same day that a temple opens up, and even moreso to hold it in front of the temple, but alas… I suggest you all look away for this part.”
“Do your worst, beast woman! I’m not afraid of you!” Harald snarled, still flailing in Jo’hira’s grip until the point where she snapped his neck and tossed him to the side like a piece of particularly foul garbage, not even bothering to go through the motions of her normal chokeslam.
“Unpleasant garbage,” Jo’hira muttered, wiping her hands on a towel that one of her (completely for decoration) guards had handed her. “I apologize, everyone. Guards, get rid of that trash. Merenthi, I am so, so sorry that I had to do that in front of your temple. Please, take this as a token of apology.” Handing a bag of gold to the shocked priest of Mara, Jo’hira turned and left, rushing out towards the city walls and carelessly leaping over them and over the edge of a cliff.
“Durnehviir!” With an echoing shout, Jo’hira’s downward momentum was arrested as a portal appeared below her and her favorite undead dragon caught her, evening out his momentum as he climbed to a cruising altitude.
“Ah, Dovahkiin! It’s been far too long since we last spoke!” Durnehviir spoke genially, following Jo’hira’s gentle prods until he faced the same direction as her quest marker.
“Indeed it has been, Durnehviir!” Jo’hira shouted over the wind, focusing on a point only she could see. “Alas, there’s not really much time for business today! I have a nest of would-be rival assassins to brutally murder!” As soon as she yelled her final statement, she slipped from Durnehviir’s back, equipping a wingsuit as she fell and slowing her fall down until she came to a graceful rolling halt at the entrance to the Red Ruby Cave.
“So…” Jo’hira murmured, rolling her neck and approaching the confused guard. “Hello there, Anvar. I hear your friends are starting up a rival group to the Dark Brotherhood. You know, the assassins that I lead? The assassins for the crown? Naughty naughty.”
“Y-you… I’m not afraid of you!” Anvar screamed, charging Jo’hira with his warhammer raised for a deadly blow… only to be cleanly decapitated by a single punch from Jo’hira.
Jo’hira sighed, “Honestly, not even worth the effort… now I have to clean this stupid suit…”
Half an hour later, Jo’hira wiped her hands off as she exited Red Ruby cave, now several hundred septims richer and possessing quite a lot more in the way of useless weaponry and armor.
“Well that was a decent way to break the boredom…” Jo’hira muttered, twisting around to get the kinks out of her spine.
A quiet growl behind her set her senses on edge.
“Oh hell no…” she muttered, scanning the area suspiciously, “That better not fucking be…”
The growl transformed into a roar as five bears charged out of the tall grass nearby and charged Jo’hira all at once, the earth rumbling from the force of their pounding feet.
“Oh FUCKING FUCK!” Jo’hira screamed, sprinting away as fast as she could, “FUCK NO FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING BEARS FUCK NO! WULD NA KEST!” With that, she Whirlwind Sprinted away, leaving the angry bears in her dust.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                         Meyz Kaaz                         
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Meyz Kaaz
Dawn in Manehattan is about as beautiful as it is in the rest of Equestria, due to the complete lack of most forms of earthly pollution, plus the fact that the day and night were literally drawn into existence–more or less– by the ruler of the land. But, Manehattan is a completely different story, one that shall not be touched upon again for many years. No, instead, we turn our eye to the young filly in Canterlot, some two and half hours after dawn, just beginning her entrance exam to the most prestigious magic academy in all of Equestria.
Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, founded some seven hundred years prior, in the year of 280 ANM, After Nightmare Moon. A comparison to Earth would reveal that not only is it top-tier Ivy League level, but it would be easily comparable to Harvard University.
That is, the top ranking school of higher learning on the entire planet.
This filly is Twilight Sparkle, and this is partially her story.
In another plane of existence entirely lies the other part of our story. This is her story.
The Soul Cairn is home to many things, not least among them being bonemen, souls, purple skies, lightning, depressing atmospheres, weird towers, magic, crazy eldritch beings, and an undead dragon.
Durnehviir, the Undying Curse, as he is sometimes called. This semi-rotted dragon was engaged in a rather animated discussion with his friend, summoner, and master, a female figure clothed entirely in black armor, with a white, black striped tail.
“–Ahrk geinmaar thu’um: ‘Diivon!? Hi kos bruniik!’ Ful ruz geinmaar kren fin zii!”
Peals of laughter echoed through the spirit filled terrain, one deep and rolling, with a tinge of age and power, the other high and feminine, carrying the taste of power, but less of age, more of fine wine.
Durnehviir looked down at his ‘young’ friend, gently nudging the Khajiit with his wing, “Ahh, it is good to see you again, Jo’hira, but do you not have quests to complete and corpses to loot?”
Jo’hira stood, popping her joints and checking the straps of her armor to ensure that nothing had come loose. Accidentally dropping her pants in the middle of a fight was embarrassing enough the first time, thank you very much.
“Well, Durnehviir, old buddy, I suppose I do. I’ll catch ya later, yeah? Lok, Thu’um.”
“Lok, Thu’um, Jo’hira. Safe travels.”
“Me? Safe?”
With a final peal of laughter, the ebony armored Khajiit strode away from her draconic friend’s citadel, idly examining the shivering soul lying on the ground a few feet away.
“That’s what you get for telling me to swallow, you asshole.” With a punt straight to the groin of the unlucky soul, Jo’hira ran off, racing herself to the portal back to reality.
Twilight Sparkle hung her head in shame. The young filly, it seemed, had failed her entrance test. With a whisper of “Sorry to waste your time,” she turned and made ready to leave in utter despair.
And then a massive explosion of rainbow light appeared, startling the filly and causing her magic to go absolutely haywire. And as out of control magic is wont to do, it caused pure, unbridled chaos, hatching the purple egg into a titanic dragon hatchling, turning her parents into rather fetching cacti, and levitating the test examiners into the air. And then it tore open a poisonous, disgustingly purple rent in the air.
Jo’hira cursed, not noticing the bonemen around her until she’d literally slammed into one and scattered its undead remains across the sand. Now, she was entangled in a battle against ten of them, and though this wouldn’t normally be a problem, she also had to keep away from the mysterious, blue tear in reality. She’d seen those tears before. Nothing good ever came of them, not in her experience.
In her one moment of distraction, a particularly powerful boneman got the drop on her, blasting her with an echoing FUS RO DAH…. straight through the slowly vanishing tear in reality.
“SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-”
“-IIIIIIIIIIIIIII–Oof!”
The out of control Twilight Sparkle was knocked back into reality by the immense force of a 5’6”, heavily armored Khajiit slamming into her, knocking the filly out and cancelling the magic applied to the room.
Jo’hira looked up at the semi-familiar ceiling, not quite realizing where she was until a gold-shoed, white hoof came into her view, its owner’s head coming into view soon after.
“.... Celestia? Where the hell am I now?” she asked, not noticing the unconscious filly wedged between two armor plates.
“You’re in my school, Jo’hira. Though I have to wonder just how you got here. Last I heard, you were in the Soul Cairn.” Celestia helped the younger female stand, not shifting despite the one hundred and sixty six pound mass of Khajiit and ebony armor leaning against her.
“Well, I was battling bonemen in the Soul Cairn. There was this big, blue tear in the world right behind me, so I had less mobility… and then I got Fus Ro Dah’d into the portal, which closed behind me. And then I think I slammed into something?” Jo’hira shook her head, removing her helmet and allowing her full visibility again. Then she noticed the slightly crushed, but still fine, filly stuck horn first into the space between chest plate and underlying mail. “... Yeah, I definitely slammed into something.”
Celestia shook her head in response, gently prying the unconscious Twilight from Jo’hira’s armor. “Well, I believe reparations should be made by this poor filly, don’t you think? After all, she did punch a hole in my school’s roof and nearly injure several of my esteemed staff.” The Princess of Equestria smiled. It was not an ugly smile, though it did promise quite a lot of good natured mischief. Jo’hira palmed her face, well aware of her acquaintance’s antics.
“Don’t tell me. Personal student?”
“That’s right.”
“Another one?”
“What’s wrong with wanting students?”
“Considering that the last one was… well… her…”
“Oh please, I’ve learned from my mistakes. This time will be different.”
Celestia stared resolutely at the unconscious filly, determined to do things right this time. Jo’hira downed a magicka potion and leaned against a wall, not sure of what to do. Before she could leave, Celestia told her to, “Would you wait in the hall? I’d like to speak to this filly before I ask you something.” The smile was back, this time directed at Jo’hira.
If she’d noticed, she would have been halfway to Manehattan already. Unfortunately, she did not. Nearly an hour of waiting later, the door to the ruined classroom swung open, bathed in a golden glow. Celestia’s voice rang out, “You can come in now!” Jo’hira shrugged and unequipped her armor, switching out for a more comfortable set of Fine Clothes and Boots.
“So, what do you want, Krein Key?”
Celestia rolled her eyes at Jo’hira’s nickname, beckoning her over to the shaking filly. “Twilight Sparkle, as you will be my personal student, you shall be one of the most important people in all of Equestria. Therefore, though you will have a dragon later on to protect you, a dragon of a different sort shall protect and guide you when I am not able to. Meet Jo’hira, your new bodyguard.”
“Wait what!?” Jo’hira shouted, leaping back in surprise. “You want me to be the bodyguard of your new student!? Me, the pyromaniac!? The dragon in cat form!? The dragon general!? The Voice of the Gods!? Seriously!?”
“Who better to protect my personal student than an experienced hero?” Celestia rebutted, an infuriating smile playing out on her face.
“..... I better be getting paid for this,” Jo’hira muttered, patting the shivering filly on the head.
“Of course you will, Jo’hira. One hundred bits per week.” Celestia smiled and gently nudged the Khajiit closer to her student. “Now, you two get to know each other a little better. Twilight, Our first lesson is in a week, eight o’clock sharp.”
“Y-yes Princess Celestia! I’ll be there!” Twilight’s devotion was already readily apparent. Jo’hira sighed, “Please tell me I don’t have to live in the brat’s house. Krosis, but I don’t do too well in pony houses. Especially not the flammable ones.”
For emphasis, she equipped the Flames spell to her hands, allowing the magical fire to fill the room with orange light. “See?”
“Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigoshyoucandomagiccanyouteachmehowtomakefirepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!?” Jo’hira was quite suddenly assaulted by Twilight, who’d clambered up onto her arm in an attempt to examine the flames more closely.
“Celestia, I appear to have a limpet stuck to my arm.” Jo’hira deadpanned, shaking her arm in emphasis and dispelling the flames. Celestia merely grinned, levitating over a scrap of paper with an address scribbled on.
1984 Celestial Avenue
"...... This is the limpet's address, isn't it?" Jo'hira pouted, clutching Twilight under her forelegs and setting the filly on top of her head.
"Right again, Jo'hira. Now, you know how to get there, yes?" Celestia had a certain knack for bringing the good humor out of people, causing even the pyromaniacal tsun-tsun to grin.
"Even if I didn't, my quest marker knows where it is." Jo'hira and Twilight left the building, leaving Celestia behind to explain the situation to Twilight's parents.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
            Mindovaat Gein: Kostiruv Brah Do Lu            
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Mindovaat Gein: Kostiruv Brah Do Lu
The sun dawned upon Canterlot at precisely six am in the morning, the same way it had done so for the last thousand odd years. As the dawn cast its first rays of light upon the shining marble city, the residents of Canterlot slowly stirred awake, ready to face the day.
One of the few exceptions to this stood in the middle of Canterlot’s largest public park, which, as it happened, was right next to Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns. With black armor gleaming with the dawn’s golden rays, Jo’hira cut an impressive figure as she stood, waiting for her student. Even more impressive was the dragon that dwarfed her, even when lying down.
“Delaal, druv kent hi dreh daar wah hinmaar? Nis hi siiv vorey liin sinon do nunon viir ko hin meyar traas? Zu'u seik, fah Bormahro giif zok dovah fund lost nalkun verkiir pogaan vorey punah naal nu!” Jo’hira slapped said dragon across the snout, even as it had the good graces to not immediately try to murder her for the second time.
Naaslaarum had tried to kill her back in Tamriel, but she’d luckily been able to survive the encounter. Of course, that had involved killing both him and his mate, Voslaarum, while trying not to die from the shattering of a frozen lake’s ice cover. Jo’hira was just thankful that she could summon him and his mate, though the pair of dragons had gone through a bit of a falling out period and she was stuck playing marriage counselor to the both of them.
Perched upon a nearby bench was the form of her tiny student, who was currently bouncing up and down in excitement for this week’s ‘practical lesson’. Twilight spoke, words tumbling from her mouth in her excitement, “JojowhatarewegoingtolearntodayarewegoingtolearnanythingamazingcanIlearnsomeofyourfirespellscanIcanIcanI?”
Jo’hira chuckled and patted Naaslaarum on the snout, signalling for him to lower his head to the ground. She turned to Twilight and picked the little filly up, setting Twilight on her shoulders as she mounted Naaslaarum’s back. Jo’hira shifted around a little for comfort and tied a rope from her waist to one of the dragon’s spines and did the same for Twilight, providing the both of them with a safety harness just in case things went wrong. “Alright Twily, this week we’ll be going out into the field for a bit of a practical lesson on magic. Now, hang on tight, okay? Naaslaarum, let’s go!”
The dragon stood to his full height and gave a mighty roar of acknowledgement, wings unfurling and beating with great strength. The three rose into the air, speeding off into the distance with the force of Naaslaarum’s mighty wings. Jo’hira reveled in the feeling of wind flowing through her fur and turned to Twilight, shouting so as to be heard over the sound of rushing wind, “Alright Twilight, how are you doing so far!?”
Her student merely clung tighter to Naaslaarum, terrified yet wonder-filled eyes staring down at the clouds far below them. “I’m really scared, Jojo! But this is also really amazing!”
Jo’hira chuckled again, patting Twilight on the head and ruffling her mane. The khajiit checked over their harnesses again, tugging on them to make sure they were tight and secured well.
A few hours of flying later, Naaslaarum touched down in a small clearing with an earth-shattering impact and a tremendous wave of dust. Jo’hira had taken the liberty of holding onto Twilight just before the landing, and thus protected her from the potentially lethal impact.
The pair dismounted, Jo’hira patting Naaslaarum on the snout and allowing the Revered Dragon to ascend back to the skies to wherever he preferred to go after Jo’hira had finished with him. Twilight shifted sleepily in Jo’hira’s grip, slowly coming back to reality as the khajiit set her back on the ground. “Jojo?” she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and looking around in confusion, “where are we?”
Jo’hira chuckled and patted Twilight on the head, ruffling the filly’s mane while pulling out a set of light armor specifically sized for Twilight. “We’re about four hundred miles north by northeast of Canterlot, specifically, deep within the Griffon failed states. Now, take this armor and put it on, Twilight. You’ll need it for what we’ll be doing.”
“W-what are we going to be doing, Jojo?” Twilight stammered, blushing as she tried and utterly failed at wearing armor, somehow managing to fit her head through the hole meant for her left hind leg.
Jo’hira chuckled and strapped Twilight’s armor on correctly, expositing while she worked, “We’re first going to be doing a bit of a demonstration in elemental combat magic-the only kind of magic I normally use in combat, by the way-and then we’re going to be doing some research into practical usage of combat spells in non-combat settings. And also maybe melee combat later.”
Twilight nearly vibrated in excitement, star-struck eyes gleaming in the late-morning sun. “Ooh! Ooh! What are we gonna learn first?”
Jo’hira tapped her chin in thought, looking up to the sky and purring. “Hmmm…” Without warning, a lightbulb popped into existence above her head, fully lit for about half a second before it fell out of the air and smashed against the ground.
Jo’hira took no notice of this, still thinking and revising her lesson plan. “I… did not think this through… Whoops.”
“....” Twilight’s respect for Jo’hira as a teacher silently dropped a couple of values, which, for Jo’hira, actually represented itself as a translucent display above Twilight’s head. The khajiit blushed and ran a hand through her silvery, black-striped fur.
“Okay, new plan: We’re going to Sovngarde. We’ll find you a few heroes there, I’d imagine.” Jo’hira coughed a few times, rubbing her throat and stretching out her jaw muscles.
“I haven’t used this shout in a while, but, here goes: HUN!” A visible wave of light erupted from Jo’hira’s mouth, dissipating after a few feet as a swirling portal of black tinged with whitish-blue erupted into existence. Jo’hira, before her summoned hero could enter Tamriel, picked Twilight up and set the filly on her shoulders before springing forward into the portal with a cry of, “WULD NA KEST!”
And for the both of them, the world went bright gold, then completely black.
“Dovahkiin? Dovahkiin. Wake up. Please wake up. Your surprisingly heavy armor is crushing me. Dovahkiin? Dragonborn? Dragonborn!? Jo’hira! JO’HIRA WAKE UP YOU LAZY CAT!”
Consciousness returned to Jo’hira in an instant, allowing her to spring to her feet and kick the one under her, Gormlaith, Jo’hira noted, in the side, sending the nord sprawling out into and halfway through a tree with a cry of, “DON’T CALL ME A CAT DAMMIT!”
A split second later, Jo’hira was hauling Gormlaith’s battered and groaning form out from the tree she’d been embedded into. “Shit shit shit, I am so sorry, Gormlaith.”
Gormlaith chuckled and groaned again, holding her abdomen. “Well, that’s going to bruise… again. Jo’hira, Dovahkiin or not, I swear one day I will pay back every single one of the injuries you’ve given me while coming back to Sovngarde.”
Jo’hira smirked like the cat who ate the canary and blamed the dog for it. “You can try, Gormlaith. You can try. Now, where is my erstwhile student…?”
Gormlaith rolled her eyes and pointed out the armored, lavender filly stuck in the ground some few feet away, tiny swirls dancing in Twilight’s eyes. Jo’hira blushed and pulled Twilight from the ground, shaking her awake and setting her back on the ground. “Ah, sorry about that, Twily. I forgot to warn you that my trips back here are usually quite… intense…” Jo’hira murmured, stroking Twilight’s back as the filly attempted to see her breakfast for the second time that day.
Twilight tried to mutter what sounded like an, “It’s alright,” but only managed to vomit up her breakfast– pancakes and orange juice today, it seemed. The odd pair stayed like that for the next few minutes, Gormlaith standing awkwardly to the side and wondering whether or not she should fetch the tiny purple unicorn something to help with the vomiting.
Finally, after another five minutes of pathetic retching, Twilight finally gathered enough of herself to wobble to a stand, allowing Jo’hira to pick up the lavender filly and stroke her across her back. “Are you alright, Twily?” Jo’hira asked, walking toward the Hall of Valor with Twilight in her arms. Twilight looked up miserably and, after a moment’s deliberation, smiled and nodded weakly, her coat still a tad too pale to be normal.
“Just relax for now, kiddo,” Jo’hira pulled out a bottle of red liquid and holding it up to Twilight’s face, “Drink this, too. It should work pretty well, I think.” Twilight took the bottle in her telekinesis and downed it with a grimace, not used to the sickly sweet taste of health potions. Within a few seconds, her coat returned to its normal shade of vibrant lavender and she had clambered back up onto Jo’hira’s shoulders with great enthusiasm.
“Thanks Jojo! This really helped!” Twilight chirped, just as the odd trio of heroes reached the whalebone bridge and its guardian, Tsun. The nordic giant of a man stood straight as he noticed Gormlaith approaching, offering a respectful nod of acknowledgement. Then, when he heard Jo’hira’s approaching footsteps, he perked up and gave a hearty shout of, “Dovahkiin! You’ve returned to Sovngarde! Tell me, are you actually dead this time or are you going to keep making a mockery of the boundaries between life and death?” Though his words seemed admonishing, his face held a warm smile, his arms wide open in preparation for a massive bear hug. Jo’hira smiled as well, rushing forward and lifting the mountainous main up by the waist.
“Good to see you, Tsun! Sorry, though, Shor’s not taking my soul yet. I need to talk to Felldir and a couple other mages about teaching my little student some combat magic.” Jo’hira indicated the lavender filly sitting on her head. Twilight smiled and waved at Tsun.
“Hi there! I’m Twilight Sparkle!”
Tsun looked down at Twilight and chuckled, “Well met, young Twilight.” With the greetings done, Tsun stepped back and allowed Jo’hira to cross the whalebone bridge, Twilight ooh-ing and aah-ing at the sheer size of the bones.
“It sure is something, isn’t it? Not even the dovah in Tamriel are as big as some of these beasties.” Jo’hira patted an upraised section of spine with a dull thunk of metal on bone, prompting even more surprised gasps from Twilight.
“Even bigger than mister Naaslaarum?” Twilight asked, inspecting the full length of the bridge.
“Yup. Now, let’s go inside, I gotta talk to an old wizard about teachin’ you some practical combat magic.” Jo’hira strode up to the massive doors leading to the Hall of Valor and pushed, the doors coming open easily.
Inside was a massive feast, hundreds of heroes milling about as they enjoyed the food and drink that was so ever-present in their nordic slice of heaven. The succulent smell of meat and wine filtered through the air as a heady aroma, almost intoxicating in its density. Twilight marveled at the golden decorations and the strange beings all around her. Jo’hira’s entrance went mostly unnoticed, however, until one of the many dead heroes around spotted her distinctive fur and shouted, raising his mug of mead into the air, “Hark! The heroic Dovahkiin returns once more! Praise be to the Vanquisher of Alduin! The High Queen of Skyrim! The Leader of the Riften Thieves’ Guild! The Leader of the Dark Brotherhood! The Harbinger of the Companions! The Queen of Castle Volkihar! The Champion of the Daedra! The favored daughter of Akatosh! The destroyer of Miraak! The ender of the Aldmeri Dominion! The Truce Bringer! Master of a thousand spells! Destroyer of Draugr! Killer of Dragon Priests! Summoner of Dragons! The one titled Stormblade by Ulfric Stormcloak himself! Archmage of the College of Winterhold! Thane of Whiterun! Thane of Solitude! Thane of Riften! Thane of Markarth! Thane of Falkreath! Thane of Winterhold! Thane of Windhelm! Thane of Dawnstar! Thane of Morthal! The Dawnbreaker! The Eternal Hero! Wielder of a Thousand Weapons! Carrier of a Thousand Burdens! The-”
“SHUT UP AND START DRINKING ALREADY!” Jo’hira screamed, throwing a bottle full of mead at the long winded hero- Adelan the Speechmaker, as she recalled. Twilight’s eyes went wide as the speech progressed, amazed at the sheer amount of titles that her teacher had accrued over the course of her incredibly long life.
One title in particular stuck out to her, though. “Jojo? Were you really the High Queen?” she asked, clambering down from Jo’hira’s head to stand by the khajiit’s side.
Jo’hira chuckled, “Indeed I was. I was the best High Queen of Skyrim there ever was, if I do say so myself. After all, how many rulers solve a crime problem in their country by directly owning the two factions responsible for the most crime, and by personally wiping out a big chunk of most of the others?”
“.... I… don’t know?” Twilight’s nose scrunched in confusion as she tried to recall any queen that had ever gone that far for her country. Jo’hira patted her on the head and ruffled her mane, chuckling all the while.
“Rhetorical question, kiddo,” she said, before turning around and pointing out an old man in robes sitting at a lone table, a large tome spread in front of him, “That’s Felldir the Old. One of the best wizards here. We’re gonna show you how to properly use magic in combat, and not just the regular battle magic either.”
Slowly, the khajiit and pony duo made their way to Felldir, exchanging greetings with the many heroes milling about. As they got close, Jo’hira shouted a greeting at Felldir, utilizing the Dovahzul to send a ripple of warm energy at the studying man, “Felldir! Drem Yol Lok!”
Felldir looked up and smiled, closing his tome and storing it away in a satchel as he stood. “Ah, Jo’hira, it is good to see you once again. Though, considering your… companion, I assume you still haven’t shuffled off the mortal coil, eh?”
“Heh, not yet, old man. This cat’s still kicking and kicking hard. I’ve only been getting stronger, after all.” Jo’hira puffed her chest out in pride, hands on her hips and standing proud.
Felldir chuckled and turned, leading Jo’hira and Twilight to a door out the back of the Hall, “Indeed you have, my dear. Indeed you have.”
Exiting into a large, open field with targets and training dummies scattered around, Felldir led the group over to a slightly secluded area, eventually stopping and turning around with a grand gesture. “Welcome, Jo’hira and young guest, to my favorite training spot!”
Jo’hira looked around, noting the various landmarks capable of giving her some sort of edge. “Alright Twilight, you might want to stand back for this. Felldir packs a mean fireball, and I don’t want you to get in the crossfire without even a shield spell.”
“Yes ma’am!” Twilight scampered off, seeking refuge in the shade of a large tree. Felldir chuckled and tossed away his satchel and stretched, calling forth two orbs of light in his hands, Incinerate in his right hand, Greater Ward in the left. Jo’hira mirrored him, unequipping her normal Ebony Armor and changing it into her Ancient Shrouded Armor for mobility, then calling up two unidentifiable spells in her hands.
An eerie wind blew through the clearing, adding an air of tension to the scene as Felldir and Jo’hira squared off, spells at the ready. Then, at some unseen signal, both combatants sprang into motion, Felldir immediately falling into the defensive as Jo’hira lashed out with both hands, a bolt of lightning lashing out and striking Felldir’s shield with a crackling impact.
Felldir turned, allowing the shield to angle and let the lightning slide off while he countered with a fireball to Jo’hira’s face. The khajiit ducked and spun, leaping into the air with an impressive display of acrobatics to launch a pair of whirling blades of air through Felldir’s storm of ice spikes.
Felldir backpedaled as Jo’hira landed and slammed a fist into the ground, causing the ground to erupt under her and launch her back into the air in an uncontrolled tumble. Jo’hira smirked, however, and immediately her hands lit up in a brilliant white glow. One hand lashed out, sending an orb of light whistling at Felldir, while the other glowed brighter. The orb of light impacted the ground as Felldir dodged to the side and the old mage pulled out a sword and threw it in retaliation, the blade itself sheathed in arcane purple light to keep its aim true.
The blade neared Jo’hira as Twilight watched, worried that Jo’hira would be seriously hurt. Then, a brilliant white flash lit up Jo’hira’s position and she disappeared! Felldir jumped back again, using a small thrust of wind to propel him far away from the glowing orb on the ground. Not even a half second after she disappeared, Jo’hira reappeared where the orb had been, already using telekinesis to pelt Felldir’s retreating form with small rocks and pebbles. Felldir took cover behind a tree, catching his breath and preparing another spell.
Jo’hira, meanwhile, strode over to a nearby tree and snapped off a rather large branch, running a purple lit hand over it to straighten it out and then running her hand over it again with an orange glow to sharpen it into an edge and a point. Smiling, she hefted it in her hand and transmuted it from wood to stone, stone to iron ore, and finally iron ore to sharp, singing steel. As she took a few practice swings, Felldir sprung from the tree he had clambered into with a burst of wind, an ethereal battle axe held in each hand. He smashed into the ground as Jo’hira cartwheeled away, throwing up a cloud of dust even as he turned and began slashing at Jo’hira.
Jo’hira, not to be outdone, waved her hand, a soft, gray glow encasing it, and wiped the dust from the air, then vanished with the standard crackle of an invisibility spell. Felldir dispelled one axe and held up his hand, wreathed in an orange glow with an ethereal orb of white clutched in his palm. After a few seconds of looking around, he turned and slashed at thin air, which suddenly shattered and revealed Jo’hira, her impromptu sword smashed into the blade of Felldir’s Bound Battleaxe.
Jo’hira smirked once more and lifted a hand swirling with water, compensating for the lack of force in her sword by ducking under the axe and spinning around Felldir’s back, slamming her hand into his back and launching him forward with a massively overpowered dishwashing spell. The old mage groaned and chuckled, wiping the suds from his robe and taking up a ready stance once again.
“You certainly know how to use those spells of yours to great effect, Jo’hira. It warms an old man’s heart to know that such a talented mage is in charge of the College of Winterhold.”
Jo’hira nodded and sent forth a pair of lightning runes, the violet circles blossoming into existence under Felldir’s feet and making him jump to avoid the electrical onslaught that followed. “I learned from the best, didn’t I?”
“That you did.” Felldir punctuated this by holding up his arms and summoning a massive cyclone, sending the construct of wind at Jo’hira and tearing up the earth in its path. Jo’hira jumped to the side and struck at the howling wind with a hand sheathed in ice, the spell cooling the air inside the cyclone and dispelling the temperature differential with naught but a modified freezer spell. Jo’hira landed and pointed dramatically at Felldir, half turned away from him.
“Nice cyclone spell, old timer, but you’re gonna need more than that to beat me!”
“Hmph, hasn’t anyone ever told you that youth and enthusiasm will never beat old age and cunning?”
“What?”
Jo’hira heard a whining noise and looked down, immediately spotting thing charged fire rune about to explode. “Awww shit.”
Jo’hira launched into the air, trailing curses and fire as she flew in a parabolic arc. As a last ditch effort, with no time to prepare any other spells, she reoriented herself in midair and breathed deeply, her Thu’um surging outwards with a mighty flash of blue.
“WULD NA KEST!”
Jo’hira jetted forwards, the might of her Thu’um carrying her from midair to right in front of Felldir’s face as she held her makeshift sword to his throat. A second passed, and Jo’hira smiled, “Gotcha, old man.”
Felldir chuckled again, falling back and taking a seat in the grass, pulling a bottle of mead from a his pocket and taking a hearty swig. “So you have, my dear. It seems like every time you come here you become more and more difficult to even touch, let alone defeat. Ah, such is the gift of life, the ability to improve eternally so long as your body is still sound…”
Jo’hira smiled and took out a bottle of apple juice, walking over to the starstruck Twilight and handing her the still cold bottle of juice. Taking out a bottle of mead for herself, Jo’hira plopped into the grass and asked Twilight, “So, kiddo, what did ya think of that?”
Twilight stopped and stared at Jo’hira, setting aside her apple juice and placing her front hooves very seriously upon Jo’hira’s chest. “That,” she began, “was TOTALLY AWESOME!”