The Rabble Rouser's Brew Off!

by Distrance

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 3266

A new contender challenges the Apple Family to brew.

It is a common fact that the Apple family is the undeniable go-to for everyponies favorite alcoholic (or non-alcoholic) drinks. Through special recipes and dedication does their cider attracts beverage-loving ponies from all over Equestria. However during the Apple family's annual Cider Season, a new challenger steps into their midst. Unlike previous contenders, he brings not machine, but a claim of truly superior brew and a stomach to match.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-09 02:49:09 UTC

Happy Hour Incoming!

Applejack took a deep and relaxing breath as she exhaled, looking onward in accomplishment at the successful harvest before her. To buck an entire apple orchard was no easy task, yet through dedication and a good days work they were right on track. Behind her, a familiar red stallion huffed his way to stand next to her, carrying behind him a cart that which overflowed with delicious red apples.

"She-oot Big Macintosh! We're making even better time than last year. Heck, at this rate we ain't gonna have to even worry 'bout restocking for anypony for tomorrows cider sale." Applejack assured, slapping the exhausted stallion on the back to which he replied with a grunt.

"Eeyup."

Applejack looked the sky, whose light dimmed slowly as the sun retreated over the peak of the horizon. She wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead as she heard the light ringing of the iron cowbell that sat perched outside the window to their home.

"Y'all better get you tukuses back in here for some dinner. Y'all deserve it for all that work you been putting into today!" A weary Granny Smith called out them. Applejack smiled as she turned herself to return back home, almost forgetting the encumbered brother behind him.

"Oh uh... let me help you with that big bro." She sheepishly grinned, placing herself behind the cart and beginning to push with her head.

Only another day till the sweet aroma of fresh cider graces their nostrils as they anxiously settled down for dinner once again.

"N-Now Rainbow Dash, I know you had a bit of a problem last year. B-but is this REALLY necessary?"

"Oh please Fluttershy, nothing is unnecessary for me! Besides, have YOU ever missed out on a mug before?!"

"W-Well... no."

"Exactly, now C'mon."

In the darkness, two dastardly pegasi quietly move about the homes of Ponyville. The two both adorned in matching black bodysuits cautiously moved as the second chattered nervously as they began the ultimate plan:

"If I can't beat the line, I'll just have to beat the time. Nopony is going to be able to come between me and that sweet, sweet cider if they don't wake up in time." Rainbow Dash smiled deviously, rubbing her hooves together as she looked for her first target.

Silently, the two glided themselves through the window of the familiar gingerbreaded bakery and into the sleeping mare's room. It was almost impossible to tell where anything was in the darkness of the night, however it was plain to notice the loud snoring of a certain pink pony.

Rainbow Dash motioned her foreleg forward as they tiptoed their way towards the bed of their friend. Fluttershy whimpered slightly as the anticipation of being caught had alluded her greatly.

Clunk!

Fluttershy stumbled back as she bumped into something unknown. Anxiously, she opened her eyes and flinched as the sight before her reveled her to shriek in fear. Rainbow Dash quickly dived towards the pegasus, muffling her with a hoof as the giant shaped doll of a clown slowly motioned into view.

"Shh, Fluttershy! Are you trying to get us caught?!" She angrily whispered as she cautiously removed herself from the now tame Fluttershy.

"S-Sorry." She shakily replied.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as she continued, finally reaching the anterior end of the strange bed. Pinkie Pie laid comfortably with an outstretched hoof that hung as she loudly breathed, humming bits of random musical notes as she slept. Carefully, Rainbow Dash avoided accidentally bumping into anything more and after identifying her target, quickly snatched what she needed and motioned for them to leave.

"Hah, what did I tell you?! Easy!" She boasted as they gently landed outside on the pebbled floor. Proudly, Dash held up the spoils of her efforts: a yellow smiley-faced alarm clock.

"Now..." She began, "One down, all of Ponyville to go!" She declared, as the nervous pony beside her sighed anxiously.

The gentle breeze of the blue sky graced the lone earth ponies face as she adjusted her eyes in awakening. Another beautiful day as always, and the perfect day to earn a heap of bits. Slowly, Applejack sat up from her cozy bed, stretching her limbs outward and yawning as her vision ceased to blur.

She sniffed the air; the always-pleasant aroma of assorted apple baked goods surrounded her senses, along with a certain something that encouraged her to jump out of her bed and trot downstairs.

Yawning as she approached the kitchen table, which was already accompanied by her exuberant family, she knowingly questioned:

"Is that the first batch of the day Ah smell?" She grinned as Granny Smith began pouring different glasses of a familiar brew.

"Just like always! Apple family first!" Granny Smith replied, taking a quick sip and sighing in relief.

"Finally, Ah've been waitin' all night for some!" An anxious Applebloom declared, attempting to snatch a small glass of the beverage.

"Nuh, uh, uh, squirt, this batch ain't for you." Applejack replied, pushing the filly back from the keg as she continued.

"Nopony your age needs this strong of stuff as us adults." She explained, holding up a glass.

"Aww C'mon big sis, I told ya Ah'm not a baby anymo-"

"End of discussion Applebloom." She interrupted, as the frustrated filly hung her head. Granny Smith trotted towards the filly and bumped her as she moped

"Don't you fret now, silly goose. We always got a pair of regular cider for my little half-pint!" She reassured as she swung her hoof exuberantly.

Almost instantly, Applebloom's once angry disposition returned to a smile as she nodded in understanding, trotting back to the table to where a fresh slice of apple pie sat.

"Only if Ah'm the first tah have some!" She attempted to negotiate as she stuffed a bit of pie into her mouth.

"Deal." Applejack winked as she took another sip.

"Fluttershy..."

"Fluuuuutershy...."

"FLUTTERSHY!"

"Eep! W-what, what I'm awake now!" Fluttershy instinctively shouted as she wretched back from being suddenly awoken.

"Sheesh. After all that work you really want to fall asleep right before it begins?" Rainbow Dash queried as she threw a wooden brown clock behind her and into a incredibly large pile of similar trinkets.

"What time is it?" Fluttershy asked as she slightly yawned.

"Cider time is what it is, and it's only a good twenty minutes away!" Rainbow Dash joyfully exclaimed, clasping her hooves together as she floated slightly above the fluffy cloud they rested their stash upon.

"Best of all, I'm going to be swimming in the good stuff while all Pinkie can do it watch!" She giggled.

BRINGBRINGBRINGBRINGBRINGBRINGBRINGBRING!

A loud and enveloping roar of sound erupted below that sourced in the one spot Rainbow Dash was afraid of. She held her mouth agape as she collapsed to the base of the cloud, watching below as a monumental speaker that had been placed in front yard of Sugarcube Corner, blared repeatedly.

A sudden energetic and familiar voice replaced the loud screeches of the speaker.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrise and shine everypony, It's Cider Season! You don't want to miss the most super-fantastic drink ever!" Pinkie Pie chirped from a microphone as she stood on top of the device. Ponies in and around the town slowly opened their doors, rubbing their eyes and covering their ears to the sudden awakening of their loveable pony friend.

"Oh no, no, no! Not this time Pinkie! C'mon Fluttershy, we still have time to make it to the front of the line before anypony else!" She urged Fluttershy, picking her up from her rest and quickly bolting through the skyline and down towards Sweet Apple Acres.

"Everything all set back there Big Macintosh?" Applejack questioned as she stood formally behind the stall of her usual cider set-up.

Big Macintosh nodded as she familiarly positioned himself in front of the multiple stacks of assorted apple-based brews that were stacked in pyramids.

"You doin' alright as well Granny?" She turned her head, bring attention the snoozing elder, who quickly recovered, arching her hoof into a salute.

"Ready as a oak in a thunderstorm!" She replied.

Applejack smiled, winking at the small Applebloom who positioned herself on top of the table with a hoof wrapped around the handle to the beverage spout.

"Get ready there Ponyville, because we. Are. Open!" She announced, tugging upon a woven rope to which released the white tarp covering the sign of the stall.

Almost immediately and almost impossibly, a enormous line began compiling and anxiously awaiting their cold refreshments before Applejack's eyes.

"How in the... Ah nevermind..." She dismissed, as her first order of the day stepped up.

"Thank Celestia, I've been waiting for one of these cup all week and I- whoaaa" The pony surprised as he was quickly dragged backwards. Applejack raised an eyebrow, only to be face-to-face with an certain acquaintance.

"OH no! No way in how I'm going to wait through all this again. Applejack, give me some of your best!" The angered Rainbow Dash demanded, throwing down three bits with her hoof.

"Rainbow Dash, ya can't just cut in li-" Rainbow replied with a hoof outstretched.

"C'mon Applejack, give me a break! EVERY year I miss out on this. Do this for me just once and uh.... I'll totally owe you a favor later on!" She attempted to persuade, putting on her strongest whimpering face.

"Well... uh... Ah guess ah could-"

"Hey! No fair, if she gets to cut how come I can't!?" A voice called out.

"Whats going on here?! I-I want some first too!" Another voice followed. It wasn't soon any longer that a small despite had arisen within the long line of anxious ponies who bickered amongst each other for their spots in line.

Applejack began to panic, striking a fearful expression as she looked around. Any longer agrueing could perhaps blow up into a stampede of angry customers. Quickly, Applejack reached for her nearby megaphone as she stood up upon the table.

"C'mon now everypony! We have tah deal with this every year! Can't we all just stand orderly?! I promise y'all there is enough cider for everypony!"

"Oh yeah! Sure there is!" An irritated voice yelled from the crowd.

Suddenly, a large whistle accompanied the sounds of bickering as Applejack searched for the source. Looking up to the sky she jumped in alarm.

"Just what in Celest-" she started, only to be interrupted by a-

Kabloom!

The once actively talking crowd had grown silent as an explosion of a strange liquid had bursted around the area. Applejack beared an annoyed expression as she slipped her drenched hat off of her head, and suddenly smelt a familiar smell.

She once more sniffed, only this time at her hat.

"This is.... this is... beer?" She surprisingly concluded.

"Agh gross! I'm all sticky!" Rainbow Dash yelled angrily, attempting to shake off the brew from her body.

"Alright, who's the jerk who did that? C'mon, show yourself!" She continued, pointing towards the pondering and messy crowd in clear annoyance.

"Baha-HA-haha!" A booming laughter erupted from behind the recovering crowd as they separated to bear way for the source of the noise.

"That would have ta' be me, laddie!" A rather beefy stallion stood forward.

As large as he was, it was not the only feature that made him appear the strange to both Applejack and Rainbow Dash's self. He was an older gentlecolt, with a amazingly large ginger beard that almost touched to the floor. His coat was a dirtied peach color which was strangely tattooed with lined splotched of white paint. His large smile beared a single golden tooth as he held a rather large barrel upon his back as he approached the few. It was unquestionable that he was not a resident of the town.

"Just who in the hay are you?" Applejack queried as she rung out her cap and placed it back upon her head.

"Ah I might as well tell ya, ain't no use in hidin'." He arched his back, carefully lowering the keg to the crowd and placing one hoof over the top of it.

"The names Gragas, me love, and don't ya be forgettin' it!" He tipped his head forward in greeting as he boasted.

Rainbow Dash abruptly jetted face-to-face with the bearded pony, glaring angrily as she began to berate him.

"Who do you think you are, throwing some weird whatever the heck this is all over everypony?"  She questioned.

"The stuff is me own grog, lad. If you've got some sort o' problem with me, then say it eh?" He threatened, throwing Rainbow Dash off in surprise and having her back away slightly, yet she remained stalwart in her questioning.

"Now listen here mister! Here's not the place 'fer trouble!" Applejack informed him as she pushed the agitated Rainbow back, standing defensively in front of him.

"Heh... Not a worry, laddie; it's not a fight I be lookin' for." Gragas reassured, motioning his bushy eyebrows. Applejack squinted her eyes suspiciously at the large fellow as the protective Big Macintosh trotted up to line with his sister.

"Then just what are ya here for?" She questioned.

The stallion grunted, his toothy grin returning as he effortlessly bumped the grounded keg back onto his back.

"Word around Equestria is that the 'Great Apple Family' makes the best cider around... Pff!" Gragas explained, spitting as jested at their fame.

"Yea?" Applejack curiously pressed on.

"Ain't it obvious lad? I happen to be the best brewer of 'em all and ain't NOPONY be sayin' otherwise." He declared, turning to his side to reveal the beer-filled mug that was his cutie mark.

"Oh no... Ah don't like where this is goin'." Applejack whispered under her breath as the stallion stood in admiration.

"'Yer not goin' to start singin' are you?" She jokingly asked.

"W-what? Sing? Why in the bloody he- n-nevermind!" He waved off as he leaned himself upon the wooden fence nearby.

"Here's me offer laddie: You and I engage in a little... competition. Real simple, even 'fer you country ponies." He called, smirking as he spoke.

"What if Ah decline?" She asked, continuing to eye him.

"Oh I don't think that'll be a problem at all, eh?" Gragas scoffed, picking something out from his back satchel and holding it in his mouth.

"W-What's that?" She asked, becoming increasingly nervous as he proceeded.

"Ya two are just friends huh?" He smirked, waving the now visible piece of square paper, turned backwards so it remained unseen.

Applejack's eye twitched momentarily as she scrambled to reconsider.

"Now, now there ain't no reason to be s-showin' that publicly now." She gulped.

"Uh... Applejack? What is he talking about?" Rainbow Dash suspiciously questioned as she attempted to arc her head to see the item.

"I-Its nothin'! Nothin' at all!" She blurted nervously. Behind her, various looks of confusion marked her family as she quickly attempted to recollect herself as she faced the bulky stallion once again.

"So uh... What's the catch?" She cautiously inquired.

"No catch. It's a match of honor, laddie. My brew against your Ponyville brew." He explained as he placed the photo back into his satchel. The pony onlookers began chattering lightly, envisioning another boom in cider production.

"Ah but... This ain't about speed. No, no, too easy; It's about the quality eh?" He continued.

Applejack slowly nodded, attempting to hold back the eager Applebloom who has already once thrown them into a similar situation.

"Simple as that?" She asked.

"Simple as that."

Applejack hesitated, pushing Applebloom backwards as she turned.

"Family meeting, now!" She called out before wrapping her hooves around the lot of them.

"Listen everypony... As much as Ah hate going for somethin' as demeaning as this, ya'll just gotta trust me when I say we just have tah do this." She whispered, working to convince them.

Big Macintosh only replied with an eyebrow raise as Granny Smith happily shrugged.

"Ain't no reason not to, pumpkin seed!" She exclaimed.

As Applejack's view shifted to her younger sibling, Applebloom bore a large smile that stretched across her face.

"Oh boy! The Apple Family cider-off once again! We need tah make this some kinda new tradition!" She excitedly said, bouncing slightly in place.

"So uh... That settles it then." She concluded, breaking off from the huddle and returning back to the impatient Gragas who tapped his hoof on the floor.

"We accept yer offer. But don't ya be thinkin' of pullin' any kind of crazy loophole on us ya hear?" She ordered him.

"I swear on me dear drunken' pap." He replied jokingly.

"Aaaaaaaand let the games begin!" Pinkie Pie suddenly cheered, appearing from out of the crowd whilst throwing bouts of confetti into the air.

"Hello one and all to the second, that's right, the second Sweet Apple Acre's Brew Off!" Pinkie Pie shouted exuberantly into the microphone stationed upon makeshift table of haystacks and wooden boards. Word had spread quick as ponies in and around town had gathered around the contestant arena to observe the event. Applejack gulped nervously as she watched the crowd grow exponentially around her.

"Go Apple family!" She could hear from within the boisterous crowd.

"You got this, Applejack!" Another yelled.

"Why can't we buy our cider?!" Shouted an agitated bystander whom was quickly drowned out by excited chatter.

The gargantuan stallion cracked his neck in anticipation as a grin remained plastered on his face. He observed the crowd, in which most returned the look with a snide gesture. He didn't mind however, as he continued to limber himself up.

"Say Spike, my old dragon pal you. What do you make of this exciting event?" Pinkie Pie continued to bellow as the distracted Spike snapped into attention at the question.

"All I can say, Pinkie, is that this may be one spectacular show! Uh... and uh, all that cider too... I guess." He responded, in search of the right words to say.

"Uh... Alright fellas, how are we doin'?" Applejack questioned to her family as she trot to meet with them.

"Ooh I'm getting as limber as a timber!" Granny Smith replied, to which her back gave a loud pop and forced her to slouch momentarily.

"Ya been working on your stamina, Big Macintosh? Ya'll know what happened last time right?" She queried her elder brother, who replied in monotone:

"Of course."

Applejack nodded and turned to face Applebloom who was stretching, before pausing briefly with a strange expression upon her face. She quickly shook her head, and walked over to her sister.

"Howdy Applebloom. Uh... You gettin' ready there?" She asked, holding back a chuckle as Applebloom contorted into a strange stretch.

"Boy am I! Ain't no messing up with me!" She retorted, working herself to stand after a rather strange cycle of loosening up.

"Are you laddies going to spend all day with family pleasantries, or are we gonna finally get this moving?!" Gragas annoyingly questioned, meeting Applejack eye-to-eye.

"No need to get impatient now, we're just about ready!" Applejack angrily replied as she poked the large chest of the stallion. A nondescript pony off to the side of the announcer's podium raised himself to whisper into the purple dragon's ear.

"Hm... Finally? Mhm alright. Gather around everypony! We have word that the Brew Off is about to begin!" Spike announced to the distracted crowd as their attention simultaneously focused upon the closed off section of the farm where the family and the large stallion stood.

Idea:

Gragas uses body slam to smack apples out of the tree