What Do You Do With a Sexy Xenomorph Early In the Morning?

by Jsyrin

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure
Length: 3940

A Sexy Xenomorph fucks her way through Equestria.

Meet Vex. She's 24 years old, has no job, is a nymphomaniac and a nudist, and is also a sexy Xenomorph Queen.

This is her story of debauchery and lust, a story of mishaps and mayhem, where no one is safe from the flirtations of a being almost always mistaken for a changeling.

Warnings: NSFW. VERY NSFW. Also Anthro Ponies.

Published 2015-05-07 01:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-13 08:13:28 UTC

You Put Her In Bed With the Head of State

Deep beneath Canterlot, within its little-known crystal caves, several figures darted through the darkness, one sinuous and sleek, covered in chitinous armor and possessing a magnificently crested head, the rest large and bulky, with fur and horns or wings, each covered in either golden or navy armor.

“Stop right there, changeling scum!” one of the pursuants cried, lobbing his spear at the much swifter figure in front. Vex cursed to herself, using her superior agility to rebound around the pillars supporting the caves and leap through the air with a natural grace that would make even the greatest of parkour practitioners weep in envy. As she leapt, she made a point of flashing her rather generous assets at the guards, teasingly waving her rear in their general direction.

Several of the less experienced guards froze up at the sight of her bountiful, bouncing, barely-armored, and completely nude behind, falling into heaps of aroused and embarrassed stallionhood. The more experienced guards kept their composure, continuing the chase even with their diminished forces.

A sad fact was that many of these more experienced guards were also female.

Vex, by this point, was far ahead of her pursuers, and had stopped to take a breather to assess the situation. She panted, each breath sending her breasts into a glorious, heaving bounce. Sweat beaded along her unarmored bits, giving her charcoal colored skin a sensual gleam. A long, pitch black tongue swept over maroon lips, a teasing smirk forming. Vex chuckled to herself, a low, husky tone guaranteed to send shivers up the spine of any straight male within earshot.

“Oh, well~ Looks like they won’t be able to keep up~” She giggled, leaping away into the darkness of the deep caves, leading the company of guards deeper and deeper into her natural element. Visibility lowered until the guardsmen were forced to light their torches and light spells, casting a flickering, orange glow on the surroundings.

Vex circled just beyond the range of the light, hoping that the guards would just leave her be. After all, she’d just been minding her own business. That is, until some lucky pony spotted her slinking through the shadows and called down the guards on a changeling hunt.

Unfortunately, as luck is a fickle bitch, disaster struck on her end. Her footing slipped and a tiny pebble came loose, bouncing off of one guard’s helm with a quiet plink! Instantly, a dozen light sources were fixed upon her position, spells and spears and arrows already flying at her. Vex fell, twisting in midair to dodge the worst of the spells, until one particularly well aimed concussion blast caught her in the side of the head, knocking her unconscious. Then she somehow slammed, bare womanhood first, into a lucky/unlucky guard’s muzzle, cushioning her impact and knocking him out, causing the both of them to fall into an incredibly compromising position.

“The hell is this thing?” Sergeant Tower Shield muttered, examining Vex’s form with a gaze made of three parts scrutiny, two parts paranoia, two parts idle questioning, and three parts lust. If any of her guardsmen noticed her eyes lingering over certain parts of the strange being’s anatomy, they wisely said nothing, only pausing to make sure that the crested creature was bound and restrained according to procedure, with extra bits tacked on to secure the thing’s tail.

“I dunno ma’am, but it doesn’t look like any changeling we’ve ever seen. Doesn’t even look like it’s got eyes.” Tower Shield’s second in command, Iron Soul, examined Vex with the same gaze as his commander, except with seven parts lust. She– and the being was most definitely a female– had an incredibly large pair of breasts, perhaps even rivalling those of Princess Celestia herself. Even though she was armored, the sheer skimpiness of it served only to heighten the sex appeal just oozing from her form. A cough interrupted Iron Soul’s shameless ogling, startling him back to reality, just now noticing the slight bulge protruding from underneath his armor. He blushed, desperately trying to keep his composure even as several of the female guards tittered at his inattention. Tower Shield glared at her SiC, slapping him upside the head with a gauntlet covered hand. “Get your act together, Corporal. We came here to track down and imprison a changeling, not for you to get all flustered over a naked whatever-the-hell-this-is. Come on, the Princess is going to want to hear this.”

Swiftly stuffing the female creature into a large, reinforced body-bag, the troops prepared to move out. Private Long Haul sighed, slinging the body bag over his frankly titanic frame. “Why the hell am I always stuck on prisoner transport?” he whined, shifting the bag to rest more comfortably on his back. His partner, aptly nicknamed Bonecrusher, patted him on the back, as if to say ‘better luck next time’.

The guards traveled through the winding labyrinth of caves, coming back to the surface shortly after. Tower Shield shook hands with the other Sergeant in the troop, Night Guard Sergeant Slip Stream. “Well, Tower, the night guard thanks you for your help. If you ever have a problem during your shifts, feel free to call on us.”

“Of course, Slip Stream.” Tower Shield called over her troops, and the blessing of unicorns took off, marching in perfect unison. Slip Stream beckoned Long Haul over, blinking rapidly as the sun reflected off his armor and into her slit-pupiled eyes. “Alright Long Haul, we’d better get this… thing to the dungeons for processing. How’s your mobility?”

Long Haul flapped his rather disproportionately small wings (though they were still titanic compared to most other pegasi) a few times before giving his superior a thumbs up. “I’m all good, ma’am.”

“Good. Night Guard, move out!”

Twenty pegasi took to the air, each clad in gleaming navy armor, the largest of all carrying Vex’s temporary resting place.

Vex awoke, groggy and slightly aroused, as was her normal. She shook her head and attempted to gain her bearings, her helm-covered eyes scanning the room in thermal, regular, ultraviolet, and in magical sight. Nothing out of the regular greeted her eyes, no suspicious splotches of color dotted her or her nether regions, as far as she could tell, so she hadn’t been raped while unconscious. She sighed, taking stock. Her hands were shackled behind her back, her calves shackled to the floor, she had a ring gag in her mouth, and there was a collar that chained her into a submissive position. If she didn’t know better, she would have assumed that she was in some sort of sex dungeon.

A few minutes of boredom and fruitlessly rubbing her thighs together later, she heard a door open, her magical sight registering it as so bright it was as if the sun had entered the room.

She wasn’t wrong, not really, as Princess Celestia had walked in, bearing all the finery and effects that a diarch should ever have. Celestia strode over with the approximate authority of the sun in the middle of summer, bearing down on Vex like a particularly curious warm front. Just as staring at the sun is bad for the eyes, so was staring at Celestia with magic vision. So, Vex switched back to normal vision, finally blinking the spots from her eyes as Celestia stopped right in front of her.

“So, what manner of creature are you?” she asked, crossing her arms under her prodigious bust, idly noting that said creature’s breasts were almost as large as her own. Vex couldn’t answer, due to the ring gag forcing her mouth open. Her only reply was a waggling tongue, extending nearly two feet from her lips. Celestia blushed in embarrassment, swiftly removing the gag and allowing Vex to finally close her mouth for the first time in hours. After working her jaw around for a few seconds, Vex answered in a raspy tone, “I’m not a creature, lady. I’m a person, same as you.”

Celestia shrank back some, apologizing for the slight. “I apologize, I misspoke. What I meant was, what species are you? I’ve never seen somepony… or rather, someone like you.” Her wings fluttered a little, showing the embarrassment her face did not.

Vex shrugged as much as she could, “It’s fine… I guess… Hey, as long as I’m in this position… could you come a little closer?”

Celestia hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward, barely a foot away from Vex now.

“A little closer.”

A half step forward. Now Celestia’s crotch was hovering directly in front of Vex’s face. “What exactly is the purpose of me being so close?” she asked, almost ready to step back and deny whatever Vex was going to ask straight away.

Vex smirked and, in a single swift movement, speared her tongue straight through Celestia’s dress and into her unprepared cunt, swirling the appendage around and smearing natural aphrodisiacs all over the inside of Celestia’s now dripping vagina.

“A-Ahh~!” Celestia’s back arched in surprise and ecstasy, tongue slipping from her mouth with a surprised moan. Vex smirked into Celestia’s crotch, adding little flicks against the entrance to Celestia’s womb every few seconds. As the tongue-fucking continued, the Princess of Equestria fell to her knees, hands coming up behind Vex’s head in an attempt to jam the tongue even deeper into her dripping pussy.

A flare of golden magic tore away the lower half of Celestia’s dress, the violent action causing her breasts to bounce free. Another flare of gold ripped apart Vex’s restraints, allowing the Xenomorph to run her armored hands over Celestia’s ass and waist, groping and squeezing the white furred mare with reckless abandon.

As Vex groped and stroked Celestia’s ass and thighs, her tongue retracted from Celestia’s honeypot, eliciting a disappointed moan from the nearly insensate ruler of Equestria. Not to disappoint further, the tongue slipped back out and began teasing Celestia’s asshole, licking around and inside the tight ring of muscle, drawing gasps and near-orgasmic moans once more.

Unseen by both, Vex’s throat and hard palate shifted, alien biology coming to a full expression as a fleshy appendage descended from a now opened slot in her hard palate, swelled, and jammed itself straight into Celestia’s twitching pussy, spreading it with incredible ease and slipping all the way in to tease her cervix. The appendage thrust in and out of Celestia’s aching twat, flesh pulsing in time to the beat of Vex’s heart.

Celestia was in heaven, her marehood was filled with a cock, unorthodox as it was, for the first time in over a century. Her ass, she never thought about using it like that before, was being swirled through by a tongue that just seemed to press into every sweet spot she didn’t know she had. Just when she thought that the pleasure couldn’t get even more intense, the cock inside her stilled for but a moment. Inside Celestia, Vex’s cock-tongue split open along its tip, urethra opening and spilling out four squirming tentacles, penetrating deep into Celestia’s womb. The tentacles flailed about in unilateral purpose, stroking and kneading the inside of Celestia’s uterus, driving her to even greater heights of pleasure. Celestia had already gone through several orgasms and didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

Vex, sensing this, retracted her cock-tongue and its flailing tentacles, once again eliciting a disappointed moan. She chuckled, low and husky, sending a massive shiver up Celestia’s spine, and aligned their bodies together, jamming both tongues into Celestia’s open mouth, deepthroating and french kissing at the same time. Down below, Vex’s pelvic armor flexed away from her groin, a pair of penises flopping out from their sheaths and swelling to full attention nearly immediately. Vex grinned into Celestia’s mouth, roughly fondling the diarch, stroking her sensitive wings and horn. Both penises, though seemingly rigid, flexed and plunged deep into Celestia’s ass and vagina, filling her like she’d never been filled before. Celestia’s wonderful torment wasn’t over yet, however, as Vex’s bountiful bosom pressed against her own magnificent mammaries. Vex’s nipples were shoved against Celestia’s, both sets of nipples fully hardened and erect. Then, Vex’s nipples did the impossible and spread open, widening out and capturing Celestia’s own, suckling them even as the tiny barbs on the inside of the opening bit in and pumped in even more aphrodisiac.

Celestia’s orgasmic cries grew steadily louder, the only reason why no guards came running was the simple fact that the door had been soundproofed. Clawed and armored digitigrade legs tangled with alabaster hooves as Vex’s sinuous tail tied the pair of unexpected lovers together. Faster and faster Vex thrusted into Celestia, both females crying out in sheer ecstasy as they drew ever closer to orgasm.

With a last, powerful thrust, Vex orgasmed, prompting Celestia into the same. Vaginal fluids sprayed into the air from the pair’s earth-shattering climax as Vex pumped Celestia’s holes full of semen. Even after Celestia’s climax ended, Vex pumped in more and more ejaculate, her tail fitfully spurting out globs of the fluid as well, staining Celestia’s wings. When Vex finished some minutes of orgasm later, she flopped to the side, idly playing with a strand of her own semen, studying the way it contrasted against her charcoal gray skin and shining, onyx armor. Next to her, Celestia lay comatose, leaking semen from her mouth, nostrils, pussy, and ass. Her belly had swollen to the point that she looked almost ready to give birth. Slowly, Celestia’s innards emptied themselves of Vex’s thick cum, flooding the floor in a puddle of semen nearly twelve feet across.

Vex admired Celestia’s figure from where she lay, the diarch’s dress completely shredded by her powerful tail. Vex had to admit, Celestia was an incredibly beautiful mare. A pinnacle of feminine beauty that all mares strove towards. Large, full breasts, wide, motherly hips, thighs that could crack a walnut. Oh yes, there was a definite beauty to her that Vex was unable to match, even with her otherworldly grace and her aphrodisiacs and her suggestive pheromones.

Vex shrugged and grinned, spooning Celestia as the two lay in the sticky puddle of warm, almost steaming semen. She kissed along the back of Celestia’s neck, drawing little shivers and mewls from the unconscious solar deity. With a final sigh of contentment, Vex fell asleep, cradling the slightly shorter Equestrian Diarch in her arms, the pair completely oblivious to the cooling semen staining their forms.

What Do You Do With A Sexy Xenomorph After That?

Celestia awoke at the exact moment of dawn feeling pleasantly sore and sticky, noticing that her normally billowing and tri-colored hair was stuck to the floor, encased in a frankly ridiculous amount of what looked and smelled like hardened semen. The nude diarch of Equestria lounged for a moment, taking care to raise the sun exactly on time, just as she had for over two thousand years. She then relaxed back into the strong, warm frame surrounding her, luxuriating in the feel of those wonderful breasts squishing against her wings. Celestia moaned quietly, the aftereffects of Vex’s aphrodisiacs still leaving her with a state of mild arousal. She sank back into her lover’s arms, idly stroking Vex’s strong, muscular tail. As it just so happened, the tail had shifted during the night, the very tip of it coming between her breasts.

Celestia poked the lethal looking segment of tail with a finger, stroking it and marvelling in its smooth glossiness. The tail twitched, blades extending slowly from slots in the sides. Celestia went partially rigid in surprise, until she noticed that the tip of the tail was oozing some kind of fluid from its tip. Curious fingers scooped a tiny droplet of fluid from the opening in the tail, bringing them to luscious, ruby lips for a taste. Celestia pulled a face, whatever it was, it was very salty and, she could tell, not good for much other than lubricant. Still, Celestia was also a mare of science, and she still had a few hours to kill before Dary Court opened. Her fingers probed around the tail’s opening, smearing more and more lubricant around its surface. As she did this, she noticed that the blades had retracted, and that the tail itself seemed to be pulsing, tiny bulges now evident near the base of the tail. After a few more minutes of fondling the curiously shaped tail segment, it opened up, plates of armor separating along different lines and letting a fleshy tube squeeze free, the opening of which twitched and flared, the whole thing writhing from where it sat not six inches from Celestia’s face.

Celestia had, at this point, began masturbating unconsciously, the lubricant working its effects on her system and filling her with an intense urge for sexual gratification. After idly watching the tube twitch and contract for a few minutes, she finally relented and gave it a long, slow lick, instantly bringing about a change in behavior as a round, black thing shot out of the tube and nearly into her mouth, falling to the floor a few feet away. Behind her, Vex let out an audible groan of relief, hands coming around to grope at Celestia’s magnificent mammaries.

A throaty chuckle sounded out from behind her, the hands fondling and squeezing her nipples with abandon. “You could have just shaken me awake, you know,” Vex giggled, ceasing her ministrations for the moment. Then she noticed the sheer amount of semen staining the floor around them, sticking them to the floor. “Oh man, did I do this last night? I must have been more pent up than I thought…”

Celestia sat up with effort, magic burning away at the semen so that she wouldn’t have to explain exactly why some of her fur was missing. The last time was mortifying enough, thank you very much. “You mean to say that you don’t normally produce this much semen? I suppose I can only be thankful for that.”

Vex sat up with enviable ease, her skin and armor were naturally stick-proof to most substances. The xenomorph queen stretched languidly, showing off her curves in quite possibly the most erotic display ever shown to the diarch of Equestria. Celestia’s pulse began racing, but she fought down her urge to tackle the sexy being and ravish her until the sun rose again. She had business to get to, business that had long been put off.

Celestia thanked the fact that she’d locked the door last night. If anyone had come in during the night it would have most likely ended extremely poorly for the both of them. “Back to what we started last night… what exactly are you? In all my years as ruler of Equestria, I’ve never seen any being with your… unique attributes.”

Vex shrugged and stood, brushing off flakes of dried semen and helping Celestia to her hooves. “I’m what you might call a Xenomorph, a queen to be exact. I’m the first and only one of my species on the planet.”

“Xenomorph?” Celestia rolled the strange word in her mouth, trying to get a feel for it.

“Yeah, Xenomorphs. Normally just alien parasites with a startling tendency to murder and eat living beings for hosts, well… me and my future progeny are a lot better than those fuckers. I’m also a lot sexier too.” Vex shrugged, unaware of the mistake she’d made.

Celestia drew back, now suspicious of the being she’d spent the night with. “Parasites? Are you one too?” She readied a spell to restrain Vex, should the alien being be suddenly hostile.

Vex held both hands up in surrender, frantically backpedaling, “No, no! I swear, I’m not like those other Xenomorphs! I wasn’t even made like they are! And I’m pretty sure that they don’t exist in this universe!”

Celestia arched an eyebrow, intrigued by the new information. “And how were you made?... And what did you mean this universe?”

“Er… uh… it’s a long story?” Vex looked uneasily to both sides, shrugging helplessly.

Celestia’s eyebrow arched further as her gaze narrowed. “Tell me,” she commanded.

Vex sighed and slumped against a wall.

“Okay, but keep in mind that this isn’t exactly a perfect retelling…”

Luna strode through the halls of Canterlot castle with a determined look upon her face. Though the lunar deity would normally be in bed by now, she knew that her sister would never miss an opportunity to say good morning to her. This in mind, she also knew that the guardsmen had captured what appeared to be a heavily mutated changeling.

Luna had no real animosity towards changelings–she’d somehow managed to sleep through the invasion, after all– beyond a sort of mistrust brought about by the sabotage of Cadence’s wedding and the general fact that shapeshifters were horrible for security purposes. Still, for her sister to stay with the creature all night…

Luna worried for Celestia’s safety.

With a deep, bracing breath, Luna pushed open the door to the dungeons and strode over to the only locked interrogation room, ignoring the cobwebs that dusted the corners of the long unused dungeons. And with a quiet flourish, she unlocked the door with her spare key and flung open the door, and stormed in, ready to defend or avenge her sister.

And then she noticed the two naked figures conversing in a puddle of dried semen.

“What.”

The creature–and she could see how it, no, she, could have been mistaken for a changeling– and her sister turned towards her, Celestia with a startled expression, the other one with an expression of mild amusement.

“Luna! I, uhm, I didn’t expect to see you in here!” Celestia stuttered, a heavy blush forming across her face as she realized her current situation. “I-uh, this… this isn’t what it looks like?”

Luna deadpanned, “So thou hath not performed some manner of debauchery with yon changeling-esque being?”

Celestia blushed and Vex chuckled, sneaking in a quick grope at Celestia’s rear. “O-oh, well… w-when you put it like that…”

Vex decided to end her suffering with a quiet chuckle that sent delicious jiggles through her frame. “Your sister here was just educating me on the finer points of Equestria. I believe she mentioned something about a wedding that took place recently?”

Luna kept her eyes averted, trying to keep her mind off of her sister’s naked breasts. Then she averted her eyes to the ceiling, unintentionally catching an eyeful of Vex’s lush and salacious body. "Yes, there was a wedding recently that was overrun by changelings— the queen of whom had replaced the bride and had hypnotized the groom."

Vex pulled a face, "I can honestly see why people would call me a changeling right now. Barring my crest and tail, I do look a lot like a skimpier, flightless changeling." She motioned over her body, drawing appreciative looks from Celestia and a truly impressive blush from Luna. Vex coughed suddenly, drawing alarmed looks from both Princesses. “Hey, uh… you got any water? I haven’t had a clean drink in a few days.”

“Of course, of course! Though um… Lulu, could you bring us some clothing?” Celestia blushed, not at the fact that she was naked, but more at the fact that she’d somehow managed to completely forget that she was naked.

Luna blushed once more and rushed out of the room, flustered once again by her sister’s nudity… and Vex’s too, but Vex wasn’t her sister. “O-of course, sister! I shall return shortly!”

Notice of Cancellation

Cancelling this since it was so horribly thought out. Will rewrite on AO3. Still listed as Jsyrin on AO3.