A Moment Alone
"Princess?" I was roused from my brooding thoughts by the voice of my student, Twilight Sparkle.
"Yes Twilight?" I replied, straining to maintain my regal mask, but a hint of my despair managed to slip through and colour my voice. Luckily Twilight was less than apt at picking up on such subtle things, it was not her area of expertise.
"Its time for lessons Princess, I'm so excited to finally be learning some serious spells." She practically squeed in anticipation of hours studying, an oddity that always managed to make me smile. Tonight however, I merely gave a mirthless chuckle.
"I'm sorry Twilight." Instantly her face fell and became one of confusion and slight concern.
"But I have matters I must attend to that can't wait, I promise I'll be able to spend time with you tomorrow." Her smile returned, maybe not with full force, but it was enough to alleviate the growing pang of guilt.
"Okay princess!" She leapt forward and Nuzzled me, the many guards in the hall merely glanced at us. They were used to her behaviour by now.
"Now run along and be a good filly will you?" I prodded her in the direction of the door with a wing. She barely let out an affirmative squeak before dashing off in the direction of the archives, most likely to delve into more study.
I watched her go before walking over to the balcony, head high, wings tucked perfectly to my sides, a face of calm, the very definition of royalty. But within, there was naught but a storm of swirling emotions, anger at myself, loneliness despite the love of my countless subjects, but in the centre of it all was the guilt. A seething abyss that threatened to swallow me up day after day, never letting me truly smile, rest or laugh. But I knew that I would soon have the chance to relinquish myself of the deed. Soon my sister would return and I would hope beyond hope that my student, nay, my only true friend on Equus would be able to save her. To pull her out of the dark, so I could beg her forgiveness, I would bow down and give myself up to her fully, and let her punish me for my crime against her.
But that was a while away yet, Twilight was merely a child, and she was far from ready to wield the elements.
For now I would do what I have been doing for so long, I would do all I could to soothe Luna's pain.
With practiced ease I launched myself off if the balcony and into the air above Canterlot. On regal wings I soared above my subjects, each of them bearing unconditional love for their Princess, but none of them truly knew me. I climbed higher and higher, above the spires of the castle, above the clouds. I cast the necessary spells to supply myself with oxygen, to keep me from freezing, and then I rocketed off.
I'd done this so many times before that I could make the journey to the moon within an hour.
I landed in the same spot I always did, my hoofprints were still there, and so were the many trinkets I had brought; diaries, both mine and my sisters, paintings depicting a happier time and many trophies of our various battles.
Finally, away from the eyes of my subjects, I let the guise of a perfect, godlike ruler fall away.
With a choking sob I let my knees buckle, I crashed to the ground and cried. I lay there for hours just wallowing in my misery. I could feel my sisters presence here, it was everywhere, but I could also feel the nightmare. I had to stop myself from blasting away the landscape in anger the monster for what it did to my sister, no, for what I did to her.
I began to speak, my voice hoarse from crying, tears staining my face and still flowing from my puffy eyes, I was the opposite of how my little ponies saw me, I was not the invincible ruler. I was but a vulnerable filly.
"Luna, I'm so sorry, I never meant to do this to you, I wish I could go back and fix things, but its not possible, I knew what was happening, I could see you slipping into despair, but I didn't stop it!!"
I choked on my words, not able to speak, instead I let out a scream, I pumped all my feelings of despair, of anger, of sadness into one primal scream.
After what felt like an eternity, I stopped, only because my voice failed me, I continued to gasp and pound my hoof upon the ground, kicking up clouds of dust.
I wouldn't say I felt any better, I just felt, numb. I always did after my visits to my sister's tomb. At least I could think clearly. I had no clue as to whether or not Lu a even knew I was here, if she was aware of the world around her, but I knew she was still conscious, the waves of misery coming from within the moon were enough to tell me she was.
After about an hour of just lying there I stood up and gave a simple farewell to my sister and launched myself from the moon.
I arrived in the palace early in the morning, early enough that I didn't have to worry about the clamour of nobles seeing me in the state I was in.
I went straight to my personal bed chambers, the guards knew not to question me as I rushed through the halls, still stained with tears.
Eventually I arrived at my door, I opened it and strolled inside. It was rather small for a royal bedchamber, but it was cozy. A thick red carpet adorned the floors, an ornate fireplace crackled in the corner casting shadows across the room and onto my bed. And on my bed lay a certain purple filly, snoring adorably into a pile of books, pilfered from the archives.
I strolled over, careful to be quiet lest I awaken the filly, and lay down beside her. I curled around the only hope I had in the world, she was everything to me. I nuzzled her lightly and as I did a single tear fell down my cheek.
This one, was not of pain, or guilt, it was one of true joy. Finally, I was able to escape from being a ruler, or even being a broken mare. The little unicorn stirred slightly in her sleep, and rolled over to bury herself in my arms and she murmured a few words that would give me a reason to go on and fight any battle. They struck me and I couldn't help but sob into her mane from the overwhelming joy.
"I love you princess"
Author's Note
I did this in one sitting and uploaded it on my phone so its a bit wonky but I'd appreciate any helpful criticism <3