My Girlfriend is a Rock

by Generic_Oblivious

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Romance, Comedy
Length: 2000

A set of first-person romance microfics.

I had a decent life. Alright job at the bookstore, and plenty of vidgames to play.

Then this dull gray rock-obsessed pony trotted into my life.

Rated Teen because of one joke I make that might not fly for E.

Also, don't worry too much about my other fics. I'll get back to them soon, I just need to stretch out my writing muscles a bit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-02 20:40:02 UTC

Flashback

I sat down on the couch, Maud at my side as I scratched behind her ears lovingly. Jeopardy played on the television.

"Obsidian." Maud said.

"What is... Obsidian?" The contestant said.

"That is correct!"

I smiled a bit. It was only natural that Maud would get every answer in the "Stone-Cold Facts" category. Er, every question? Whatever.

As I pondered her knowledge of geology, I began thinking back to how we first met.

[The Past, In a College Dorm]

That was the slowest knocking I had ever heard. "I... I think it's the new roomie." I said to myself as I walked over. Some guy gave me an email, saying that I was to get a sort of exchange student. Didn't say from WHERE, though.

I opened the door to see... Nothing. "...I could have sworn-"

The corner of my eye drew my attention to the grey frock-wearing pony before me. She looked up at me, her expression neutral as she blinked slowly.

"...Uhhhh... Hi." I said.

No response. I stepped to the side, and she entered the room.

[Present, my bedroom]

Just jammin' to music, a bit of head bobbin' goin' on. No full on headbanging, ain't that kind of song, and I ain't that sort of person.

Maud sat quietly, listening to the music. She certainly was never the headbanging type.

[Past, college dorm]

Piano music filled the air as I played some Final Fantasy piano pieces, my go-to if I wanted to relax.

I noticed slow movement in the corner of my eye, and saw Maud with a pen in her mouth, still working on her geology report or something like that. That mare really loves rocks! Sure, not the most orthodox of interests, but I'm glad she has a passion. Wish I had one.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I admired her. She was smarter than I, stronger than I, and more focused as well. I just had the ability to churn out decent stories half the time, and that hardly cuts it.

If I was the type to blush, I would have. I've been feeling a sort of... attraction towards her, actually. She is pretty, don't get me wrong, it's just, pony. She's a pony. Fully sapient with a full personality, it's just...

Screw it. I can't be passive all of my life (though it'll probably remain my go-to additude). I don't care about society rules or whatever anyways! LET'S DO THIS!

"...Hey, Maud?" I ask timidly.

"..."

"Could we... uh... erm... go... out? Like, a... Date?"

". . .Sure."

Huh. That went better than I thought.

[Past, in a park]

I sat awkwardly at the park table. I had a roast beef sandwich with cheese and barbeque sauce, and Maud had a bread roll and some saltines.

Well, the sandwich I had was quite tasty, though Maud seems to be eating her lunch at the same speed she does everything else. I don't mind, really, it's just a bit awkward, sitting here with nothing to say.

Give me a topic and I can tangent 'till the cows come home, go back to work, and come home again, but I can't start a conversation for the life of me. I hope the rest of this date goes better...

...Five minutes is a long period of awkward silence for a date. I suck at this! Why did I even bother? There's no way she'd go for me anyways, none of the other girls I ever crushed on gave me a chance, and the one that did... It didn't even last that long...

I gave a sigh. "I'm sorry, I... I just don't know what to do..."

Maud looked at me, blinking slowly. Wait, is she getting closer-

And that was our first kiss. It was short, and a little awkward, but damn if it wasn't one of the highlights of my life.

[Present, Hillside]

It's like our natural state of being, sitting with Maud lying right beside me on my right side, my hand stroking her mane gently. This time, we looked off into the distance at the setting sun, the changing colors of the clouds. I knew that she would always be by my side, there to support me in whatever I do with my life. She was my rock pony, my anchor of stability in this ever changing world.

[Past, Entertainment Room]

"Need more leather." I mumbled to myself as my Enderman-in-a-business-suit avatar moved through the Minecraft world. Various other vidgame musics played from the usb I had in the console.

Maud watched the television screen patiently.

"Don't worry, we'll get to mining soon." I said. "I just want to get equipped with some stone tools and leather armor before the spelunking ensues."

She looked over towards me, and I looked at her. I paused the game.

Those pale sapphire irises... Gentle gray fur... Smooth and flat dull-violet mane... A monotone but soothing voice... A rock-steady personality...

"Maud..." I found myself saying. I got out of my foldup chair thing and got on my knees to look her in the eyes.

"Maud, I love you."

Her face was neutral at first, but then she did something, something I have never seen her do before...

She smiled.

"I love you, too."

[Present, Hillside]

I gave my darling rock pony a hug, feeling her fur against my skin. I felt her move, and she hugged me back. That's a tight grip!

"I'm here for you. Always." I heard her say.

No, I didn't tear up. It was liquid love. I swear.

Petting Time

Maud's frock was folded neatly and put to the side. I was watching The World Is Not Enough with the volume low, and Maud was on my lap. My hand scratched gently behind her ears before running down her mane then down her back. I then rubbed her back for a few minutes, then returned to the scratching. By this point, the motions were automatic.

Her muzzle rested upon the couch, her eyes closed and her body rising and falling from each breath. She looked adorable when she was like this, reminding me of a cat.

“...Maud?” I said softly. “I'm starting to lose feeling in my legs."

“Mmmhhh...” Came the response.

“The things I do for love...” I sighed before resuming her back rub. There would be time to walk off any numbness later.

Play Time

I looked through the field of rocks. So many rocks! From the largest boulders to the smallest pebbles, and every size and shape in between. There was a large black rock, blacker than obsidian and smoother than limestone. A small white pebble that was in the shape of Florida. A little smooth gray rock-

I picked the rock up. "Is this him?"

Maud turned, and trotted over. She gazed upon the object, scrutinizing every detail.

"No." Came the reply. I did my best not to let out a sigh.

I was never very good at Camouflage.

Sleepless

I glanced at the clock again. 12:14. I sighed.

"Trouble sleeping." Maud commented. She was snuggled up to me like a very comfy, if heavy (due to muscle, not fat) blanket.

"Yeah." I said. "Some nights... I just can't get to sleep."

Maud gave me a gentle nuzzle. I stroked her mane, which was still a bit messy from earlier.

"It's okay." Maud said. "Go get some warm milk."

I considered this. "Sounds good. Would you like some?"

A pause. "Sure."

I smiled, and got out of bed to get something for us to drink. On the way out of the room, I stubbed my toe on the dresser. "FFF-"

Maud's Poetry

"I need a synonym for hard starting with an s." I heard Maud say.

I looked up from my laptop screen. Maud was at her desk, pen in her mouth.

"Hm... What about stiff?" I suggested.

"I used that."

"Solid." I tried.

"I used that."

"Sturdy?" I thought out loud.

"I haven't used that."

"Alright, glad to help." I finish with a smile.

I always enjoy helping Maud out with her rock poetry. "So, what's this one about? Cliffs, caves, calcium deposits?"

"It's erotic poetry."

There was five full seconds of awkward silence.

"I wanted to try something new."

Ponies Don't Play Vidgames

A cold mid-winter afternoon. I was sitting in my apartment, Maud snuggling up to me. She watched the screen as I played Sonic the Hedgehog for the nth time. How much she was actually watching due to interest and how much just to make me happy, I'm not sure.

After beating the Marble Zone boss, which was easy despite the fires Robotnick was dropping, I paused the game and handed the controller over to my dear pony. She looked down at the controller, then at me.

“...Er, would you like to try a level?” I asked.

Maud slowly blinked, and then held out a hoof. Gears turned in my head before I realized what she meant.

“...Right, the controllers aren't meant for hooves.” I said sheepishly.

“They aren't.” Maud confirmed.

“Nevermind.” I said as I resumed play. I wonder how much a custom-designed controller would cost?

The Guest

"My sister wants to meet you."

I took the time to swallow my soda. Squirting it out of my nose in surprise would bring only pain and misery.

"Right, you have a sister." I said, setting my cola down. "I somehow forgot that."

"I have three." Maud replied. "Pinkie, Marble, and Limestone."

"So, you said sister. Singular. Which one wishes to meet me?" I asked.

"Pinkie."

"Well, I don't see why not." I say with a shrug.

"I should probably tell you." Maud said, "She is different from me."

"...How different?"

"Hiii!~" A voice shouted from behind me as a party favor blew and confetti shot out everywhere.

I didn't mean to scream and kick her in the face, honest. I was just startled, okay? I get jumpy when I'm startled. Maud's death glare is not helping my case. Yes, it's different from her usual expression.

"Oh god..." I moaned, head in my hands.

"C'mon, it's okay! It doesn't even hurt anymore!"

"But I still kicked you in the face!" I said. The cold chill still gripping my soul. "I'm such a dumbass... Always acting without thinking..."

"But I forgive you!" Pinkie replied, giving me yet another fluffy hug. The scent of cake filled my nostrils.

"You smell delicious." I commented.

"Hee hee! Thanks!"

"But I... Aarrgh..."

"John."

I looked up. Maud had her hoof on my knee, looking me in the eyes.

"It's okay."

I pulled her into a tight hug, pressing my face into her mane.

She smelled like rocks.

"My arm's getting tired." I whined.

"I'll take over."

I let go of the large metal spoon and let Maud continue the stirring. "So, rock candy with actual rocks in it."

"Yes."

"I didn't think rocks were edible."

"These are special rocks." Maud explained.

"Huh, that probably explains why they don't look like any sort of rocks I've seen before. Are you sure they're safe to eat?"

Maud blinked slowly. I rubbed the back of my neck. "Er, I mean, safe for ME to eat. I've seen you crunch stones before." I specified.

"Yes."

"I mean, I have really sensitive teeth..."

"Not all rocks are hard."

"Right, I suppose you have a point. Should I put in vanilla? Because, er, I always use vanilla extract when I bake."

"If you want."

"Aighties." With that, I started to check my cupboards, pulling out my bottle of vanilla extract.

I played with my rock candy necklace as the pink pony stuck her head out of the window of the taxi and waved. I spied Maud placing the necklace that her sister gave her into a box.

"Ah. You keep all of her necklaces. They're pretty sentimental to you, aren't they?"

"Mm-hm."