I am... Derpy Hooves...

by Skylarking the Stargazer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Tragedy, Slice of Life
Length: 6130

Derpy is just another innocent Pegasus delivering mails and eating muffins? How about we use a microscope on that?

"I… I'm sorry… Me… For being such a nuisance to everything… I wish, I can just… Go away…"

Derpy Hooves, or Ditzy Doo, is a rather unique character as she acts pretty weirdly compared to other ponies, but what is the reason behind that? What happens to her when she looks back to her past, and how it connects her life now.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-12 02:11:10 UTC

Prologue: What is Laughter?

  "Alright class! Please explain how wind is made in Cloudsdale!"

   The whole class was silent, waiting for someone to be a brave royal guard and speak up against Miss Dove Wing. Well, there were some fillies who raised their hoof up, and the one who was picked did answer it correctly.

   "Very good! Ski Jet! Yes, wind is generated by the pressure of cool air upon the land, replacing the warmer air because the warmer air goes upwards to us. Basically the uneven heating of Equestria's surface from the sun!" Miss Dove Wing converted Ski Jet's response, which upsets the dark and yellow striped Pegasus, as if his answer was not good enough.

   Trying to be the good and sweet fillies, some Pegasi decided that it was the time to ask relevant questions... Until that was largely ignored by Dove Wing as she continued the class.

  "Now, I have another question for you all: How does wind affect the way we Pegasuses fly?"

   Few smart ones quickly shot up their hooves again, but the purple winged mare was not satisfied by the quantity. To her, it was so cute that she almost giggled: to see how the youth struggles to learn in school. Nevertheless, it was normal, not every pony is "bright". Therefore, Dove Wing decided to give out a hint, as if she was filling her missing parts of her lectures,

   "Creatures that are lightweight, weak, or careless are often under the control of nature."

   The half of the class grabbed their own pencils and pens with their teeth and began jotting down what the teacher had just said. The smart ones absorbed it in their mind, which they are pretty confident and reliable on their memories. Every filly was focused and concentrated... All but one...

   "Ditzy Doo." Dove Wing looked over to the gray, funny looking eyed filly, who seemed to be listening, but in Ms. Dove Wing's case: just because her eyes are locked on the green chalkboard does not make her an attentive listener.

   The gray Pegasus almost fell over her chair, entertained the whole class, quickly scrambled back to her seat. The purple Pegasus shook her head in embarrassment, sighed, and prayed to Celestia that this will be the last time.

   "Do you have an answer?"

   Ditzy Doo, aka Derpy Hooves, was known in Cloudsdale Elementary for being clumsy, as she would ruin everything no matter how good of a helper she tries to sound. She still does not realize how every single pony she has encountered just wants to avoid her, and just be staring at a wall. Which explains why she was daydreaming and thinking of something else when she should not be. Now that the whole class is beginning to stare at her, judging her movements, ready to scoff at her words, Derpy can only blame no one but herself for not taking notes when she was expected to, or listening to Dove Wing's lectures when she is literally sitting at the closest to her teacher. However, right now she needs to take action, for it is better than not knowing anything at all or else she would stay put for detention so that she can relearn everything for today's class.

   "Ummm..." Derpy began, but she couldn't let her mouth finish the business. For she remembered something from Dove Wing such as cold air and warm air.

   "The cold air... Ca... Can push us down if we aren't careful enough...?"

   Then there it is. The giggles from others, especially from Sugar Glade and Rasp Berry, were throwing paper balls at the poor little filly. To Derpy however, it is still unknown whether they are laughing with her, or at her. But right now she does not want to care or think about it, she just wants her Dove to approve her response.

   "Well, that is definitely not a proper answer, dear" Ms. Dove Wing added that last word to comfort Derpy, but one word alone is null to the laughter from others. Derpy finally found out, that she was the one kicked out of the group. This unresistant sorrow cut in deep into her chest, she can feel the tears glittering out of her yellow eyes.

   "Of course it was Ditzy! 'Cause she's such a Doozy!" Called out Amber Gold.

   " 'Can't do nothing right!' Wait, that's how someone like Ditzy speaks! Who uses double negatives these days?" shouted Feather Cloud laughing on the ground along with some of her friends.

   "Sigh, what a featherbrain..." Twinkle Star, even one of the smart ponies in the class commented.

   Derpy looked down on the floor, hoping she can find a hole to hide in, and never have to be bothered... Or bother... Another pony ever again, she hoped that she does not have to know so much about laughing, despite doing so with her family, does not make it the same as being laughed "at", because she still could not identify the difference. She was confused as ever, her mind is corrupting like parasites eating her brain bit by bit. She wished she hadn't lived....

   RING RING RING!

   "That's the bell, class! All of you are dismissed, except Ditzy..." Ms. Dove Wing said.

   The whole horde of excited fillies raced out of the door, everypony is eager to fly around, have fun, do whatever things that they want. As Dove Wing looked at them, she simply smiled on how young and innocent they are... Until turning back to check on Derpy. And of course, the little filly was ready to step out of the door, but dragged back by her teacher.

   "And where do you think you're going? Ms. Doo?" Dove Wing asked sternly.

   "I thought you said everypony is dismissed..." Derpy replied, trembling as she looked up to meet her teacher's discontented eyes.

   "Didn't you hear?" The Pegasus mare continued, "I said all 'except Ditzy'."

   Derpy looked up at her, confused and upset that she is confused, she does not even know what to do now. She just stood there, but by doing nothing still got her in trouble.

   "Ditzy Doo... What should the student do when she's in detention?" Asked Ms. Dove Wing, disappointed that the gray filly still does not know what she should do at times when she experienced it multiple times already.

  "Ummm well..." she tries to remember what did she do during detention, "Si.... Sit down on a desk and..." She forgot again, "Ummm, and sit down quietly...?"

   The purple mare slapped her head with her wings, that took her long enough, she thought to herself, and this accumulates to the thirty... Ninth time that she is caught not paying attention! This case was absolutely embarrassing and shocking to Dove Wing; she has encountered maybe a sleepy Night Wood, or an exhausted Hollow Green, but never a... Ditzy no matter how one pony looks at her, no matter when, who, where. Dove Wing shook her head, trying not to become like her student, finally asked a more personal question that she believes will make Derpy actually listen,

   "Ditzy Doo..." She began, but then stopped for awhile to rethink on her tone and speech, “The reason why I held you back in class, because I have few questions for you, and I hope it will be in great use."

   Derpy looked up, having a slight incline on what her teacher might tell her privately. Dove Wing let out a sigh of relief, finally getting her student to pay attention.

   "Do you ever think about how others might think of you? Have you ever wondered why your peers would often laugh whenever you do or say something if you keep acting like this...

   "Like muffins? Because I sure do!" Derpy interrupted in excitement, completely barricading herself on the moon.

   "No..." Dove Wing stopped again, realizing that her student was actually listening... Not on point...

   "... if you keep acting like... Well... A disordered being of chaos." She finally uttered. However, she then wished she never had said those words, for it was too, complicated, and... exaggerated, it was more like she was a liar because she never meant to say such things. Those words are what the divine rulers of Equestria never liked, nor they would want their world to be like this, for it spreads bitterness, disharmony, strife, and coldness to every heart of the warm pony's soul, for it would never burn again. Dove Wing prayed to Princess Celestia for mercy and apology, but the sun seemed to only shine back on Derpy，who seemed to be frustrated by her teacher's harsh words.

   "What? I'm not disordered! I'm perfectly fine! Only those who can't speak their lines are disordered!" Derpy argued, surprising the mare deeply that she almost fell over, but she managed to use her wings to balance herself, take a deep breath, and sweep her sweat away from her forehead.

    What did she just hear from her most worried student? Was that voice seriously from the younger Pegasus in the classroom? Or was it Dove Wing's imagination going too wild that it's distracted with things. No... She thought to herself, it must've been a coincidence. Ditzy Doo shouldn't understand that, no student of her should! This is just getting too strange!

   "B-but... Ms. Dove, Wing..." Derpy spoke, shook up from what her teacher had asked her awhile ago, "If all of my classmates laughed at me, and those laughs were... G-good?"

   The room smothered and suppressed the uplifting beat, Dove Wing hesitated to speak anymore about this, Derpy's eyes seem to be not like regularly muddled, but more of a curious and naughty feeling. She fears what would happen to the filly if she told her the truth, because she knew too much about this suspectible subject: depression, corruption, or maybe even something more serious that she does not even want to interpret. If she lied, it's a fifty-fifty risk that the filly will eventually find out that she did, and not only pressuring herself, but hating on her foul mouthed teacher.

   "Look Ditzy, I suggest that we should stop going over this topic, it would not help us get to anywhere." The mare said, tortured by the mental insecurity that her student will end her own highway, yet it was her fault that she brought this up.

   "We-well... O-okay Ms. Dove Wing..." Derpy soon began to learn from her teacher.

   "You are dismissed, young filly. Goodbye." Dove Wing led Derpy out of the door, and slammed it hard. Right behind her without thinking for the latter's emotion triggered by this action.

   "I... Ms. Dove Wing!" Derpy called out, a teardrop came out of her compacted cheeks, "Are you alright?"

   Silence responded to her, it couldn't be any more dead quiet than this.

   "Ms. Dove Wing does not want to talk to me... She must've not liked me..." Derpy hopelessly concluded,

   "She doesn't want me to know the truth! EVERYPONY LAUGHED AT ME THEN! THEY DIDN'T LAUGH THE GOOD!"

    These horrifying noises haunted Dove Wing, through the doors, and into her ears. Couldn't do anything herself to prevent all this from happening, she can only cover her whole body with her dark and purple wings, as tightly as she can, and crying because she was helpless against such an unpredictable youngster, the nightmare dug deep into the graceful Dove's heart. Worried yet scared of what will her student do next.

   "Ditzy! Calm down! Everything is alright! There is no need to over think!" Dove Wing called out. But it was futile, Derpy did not listen at all to what she has said, she was bleeding from the tip of the hook, she could not get herself off it. The truth behind those laughs back there from her classmates, were simply too obvious to be enveloped.

   "Stop... Please... Ditzy..." The poor purple Pegasus can only breathe,

   "Why do you have to know and comprehend the hard way?"

   The gray winged filly cried hard, and the clouds floating beneath her are darkened, like gray. But her cries were not normal, they were rather demonic to Dove Wing, to her, it was like what she described earlier when she asked Derpy the question of being "disordered and chaotic". The elder Pegasus usually knows how to handle her students well. Until she tripped over this typical colored rock that no one bothers to interact with, and this trip was so hard that she injured her hooves well enough to not get up. Flying will not make her wounds fade.

   She could not take this any longer, she was never this overwhelmed by a small and an ignorant foal like Derpy. She just wants to end this all, and she has came up with the idea:

   To create the conclusion.

   "Ditzy Doo!" Dove Wing rushed out of the classroom door, "Everything is okay! They were never laughing at you! They really love you for your antics! Don't panic! It's alright! You are a gifted-"

   There was the only gray sheet of a huge cloud left behind...

   Doing what she believed she could do, Dove Wing dropped to her knees, her head lumped and sank into the world of pitch black. She never saw her lost student since then.

What is Friendship?

   My name is Derpy Hooves,

   And I hope no other pony will share the same muffin as me... For it is poisonous...

   I trotted down the soiled road inside Unicorn Square Garden, listening to the ruffles of the leaves as birds and squirrels startle it constantly. Critters of the woods came out to greet one another, smiles were seen on everypony's faces, even the wind flew in all directions, as if it was dancing among the unheard light. Today was the perfect day to come out, the fillies ran around, playing tag, flying, using magic to prank others, play fighting... Basically they were playing with their parents and friends....

   Friends.

   Does everypony deserve that gift?

   It was a lovely day... For the others at least, I don't understand why I couldn't curve my lips upwards, I would blame gravity for such obstacle... Or can't I face the truth of... Loneliness?

   Ever since when I was a filly, people would criticize me for being disabled, as I could not see where I was going. My father is a doctor known for his quickness when examining his patients, and how to cure them. However, when stumbling upon me, he never figured it out until one day when he and ophthalmologists from all over Equestria worked together... Just to check out what has went wrong with me.

   It turns out that I'm not only cross eyed.

   But it's a disorder that cannot be cured, nor treated.

   My father and my mother could not be not frustrated, as I am a cursed child that should be banished in eternal darkness...

   When it was my first day attending Summer Flight Camp, many foals were already looking at me in the tightest turn as possible, not to mention their parents giving them "helpful" advices to stay away from this Ditzy. Well it's not their fault that I'm always so clumsy and dumb, constantly crashing into things, misunderstanding game concepts or teacher's instructions. And so on, I was the one who had no partner when we dance, no partner to fly with, no one to speak to... Even just as simple as flying I am judged negatively by others, called the worst flyer in Equestria after Fluttershy.

   Rainbow Dash was cool alright, but her superiority and popularity compared to me was dreaming in the stars. I fear that Rainbow Dash would be mocked at for tagging along with some lame pony...

   Like me.

   Therefore I refused to hurt her, then Fluttershy was on the other end of the extreme rope of fame. She was very kind to her friends and classmates, even those who bullied her; she once gave a bandage to cover the wound of Brass Note, an arrogant bully who thinks he was the best flyer. Despite her feats, Fluttershy is, well... Shy... As she does not like to open herself to others, no matter what type of pony it is.

   Sigh, at least she does not care about who I am...

   This curse has stuck with me even as of today... My parents would only gloom when I entered the house. Because they fear something bad is going to happen. They often tried to hide it, by hugging me, kissing me, complimenting me...

   What is there to compliment about me...?

   But now old enough and living with them for years, I can see their deep hatred peeking out from their own universe, it was inevitable. When their friends come over to chat with us, and often will ask them if I'm their daughter when they saw me for the first time, both would hesitate and stare... No... GLARE into my helpless eyes. And finally with full regret. Nodded.

   Remembering all of these is already frustrating enough, if everypony thinks that I'm a trash of dumped dirt and manure failure, then I guess I am a trash of dumped dirt and manure failure. I could never see any, or know any of this, if it wasn't for outside strangers spitting on my garden.

   I slowed down my pace.

   Then stopped.

   And did nothing but crying, crying is the only good thing I can do about myself. Throwing tantrums on the ground, but the ground remained cold and heartless, feeling no pity of me. There was no way anypony would actually come and comfort me, I'm just a sore loser... *Sniff sniff*... Tears flooded my cheeks as I broke down completely, I even wondered whether this was another step for me as a growing mare. "Oh she will grow alright, just into something else!" Laughed Blank Stripes as the memory interrupted me. I wished in the beginning that I was a goner!

   "Derpy..."

   I wish I could just scream to the top of my lungs, praying that I can die like that, but of course, I'm just an idiot, I don't even know how to erase my own soul off this space.

   "Derpy..."

   Nopony loved me, I don't understand why others can easily make so many friends, and get along with one another. Why couldn't I deserve the same reward? What is there wrong with me other than my stupid eyes? Why am I so stupid anyways? Why isn't there anypony to help me out? These questions bombarded me as I'm lying down on the ground weeping for mercy.

   "DERPY HOOVES!"

   I paused my body dead, tears were frightened to come out again. I turned around to see who in the Equestria actually bothers calling out my ugly name.

   From the legs, it was beige coated and all over the body. Then I looked into the mane: It's striped with navy blue and rose pink flavor, same goes with the tail. I could not believe my eyes, it was a long time classmate of mine. Someone whom I never talked to before.

   "Sw... Sweetie Drops?" I was astonished, for the Earth pony was actually smiling at me. For the first time in forever I had never encountered this face to face greeting before.

   "I actually wanted to ask you something, since I never got to see you lately. Sadly..." She continued.

   I got up to my hooves quickly, curious in what this mare had in offer. Maybe Sweetie Drops will be my new friend! Or or, we can hang out together! Wait, that's the same thing, good relationships make good friends right? From this day on, the bond will never break! Oh how lovely can this opportunity be? My muffin would taste sweet like her now, we can work together and combine muffins and candies, that way the whole town in Ponyville will come and buy it! This new excitement is bouncing wildly in my stomach, I'm always ready to help my friend out, no matter who!

   "... Can you deliver this bag of new sweet jolly ranchers to Uncle Jolly Joe?"

   This new, annoying sound, chased away all my dreams. I couldn't stop the rainclouds floating above me, those were beautiful, hard, rainy drops, definitely not Sweet...

   "Wha... What did you say...? Huh?"

   "... I asked if you can deliver this jolly ranchers bag to Uncle Jolly Joe, we all know where he lives, he announced it last month in public, even the Equestria Daily mentioned it in the headings. Unless if you don't read it or "can't" understand it." She repeated her words, only converting it into a more detailed and sophisticated statement, guess it was just so that I can comprehend to her... Because I can't understand anything...

   "Al..." I stopped, and clouds went dark, this time literally compacted together, and down comes the real water and tears. Sweetie Drops lied to me, no, I fooled myself, why did I think making some "friends" were that easy? It isn't. She is just using me as a simple tool to satisfy her own needs... I looked down at the bag of jolly ranchers she dropped for me to pick up. I shut my eyelids, only to find even more discomfort and grief, but that was only to prevent the glands from passing through, I had no choice, I didn't want to let her down now, despite she wasn't actually trying to make friends... With me.

   "... Alright... I'll do it..." I finally said with no sign of happiness.

   "Well, it's raining hard, I gotta go now!" Those were the Sweet mare's last words before running off, leaving me with this wet bag of candy. How sweet can that be?

   I tried to bite into the bag, but the paper was simply torn every time when I tried to pick it up. I felt hopeless, my legs shivered not in fear, but in the woe that stroke my heart rapidly. Sweetie Drops' request constantly replayed the moment of deep pain. I can picture her true emotion, turning me off and walking with her "true" friends. I could not move any longer as the rains pressed hard on me, I collapsed back onto the ground once again, closed my eyes, wept and wept, my wings dropped dead, like there were never bones in there before...

   "I... I'm sorry, Sweetie Drops..."

What is Family?

Family is always closer than friends... If it applies to even some dumb bucket like me...

   The freezing rain did not end there, I had to hold the rotten bag into my clumsy hooves, and then take off to Uncle Jolly Joe and deliver it to him. It took me at least ten tries to finally keep the perverse thing secure under my control.

   Even then I would still drop it on the way... The gruesome weather is making me anxious... About what happened back there:

   "It wasn't Sweetie Drop's fault..." I convinced myself, "It was because of my dumb being as a pony, no one would bother to even have the slightest thought of my face..."

   But I smiled a fainted smile, at least I got to help her do something that she could not... Or did not want to do... Maybe Sweetie Drops gave this lousy job to me, because it probably is a prank... Oh right, nopony would bother to do anything with me... I cause nothing but trouble. Even the paper bag didn't want to be with me as it keeps dropping...

   Then it got me thinking: Should I just not do this task at all, and just drop the bag off somewhere? No no, then that would disappoint Sweetie Drops, she would be displeased with me, but then she is already displeased with me, everypony is! But then if I ever tried to help, like all those times back then, I always end up in the wrong place! They wouldn't help me get back up, and the world would be closing in on me... It will happen like this time, I will screw up... No, what if this was a chance for me to reform? Maybe then I can develop myself as a great helper of Equestria! Or or...

BAM!

   The next thing I realized was smacked by a tree, warning me to watch where I'm going, then I slid off the leaves, scratched by branches, and finally returned to the ground. Dizzy and even more confused, I forgot what was I supposed to do, or think about. To add the spice, a soft object bounced off my head, and crashed onto the ground, there were chirping notes heard in it, loudly and high pitched. Curious, I reached for the thing, and was about to uncover what is in it. Suddenly I fell over, and there was an unpleasant sound that nopony can escape the guilt....

   The object I fell over on was a nest.

   The eggs were splattered, along with the newborn and young red chicks... All motionless and no sign of warm was felt in them. I backed off quickly after seeing my stupidity. What in Equestria have I done...? Blood began slipping out of the hatchling's heads, or were they heads, or just too small and cute to be seen! No time for that, I quivered, and then it made me think: How would their parents...

   "OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!"

   Who was that shouting and panicking for help? As two more red cardinals buzzed above, poking and ramming into me, perfectly resonating in with their color. I had found out that the damsel was me... My clumsiness now added with high inattentiveness and brainless perplexity, why can't I just be locked away in a dark room? So that I don't have to trouble everyone else...?

   STOP! Again I have no time for that, as the pain intercepts my depression into fear and fright, forcing me to flight. Like an everyday cowardly me... Because I fear all, no matter who or what...

   The red cardinal couple rammed me with more force from farther distance, their beaks gored out holes into my back hooves. I was not surprised as birds small as them can be so aggressive and dangerous.

   Because it was towards me...

   It was painful... But the beautiful pain that may teach me a lesson of punishment, I deserved those whippings... I began to faint, I could not handle the blood loss as I flee with my gears on full speed. I could not move an inch, I could not think, was this my fate? Did Celestia and Luna decide my dead end with a cliff? Questions again raised my alarm, but they won't help me in this case, as my hooves were still bleeding quickly and badly, I thought that it was their close and tight relationship with their own family, especially their chicks, therefore their red burst of color on their feathers substituted the power of love, anger and vengeance. To avenge for their loved ones by putting all their fury into the idiot who caused it. They hate me, they wished to put my candle out, and splatter my egg. These three themes are the main elements for red...

    And none of these themes were suited for me...

   The cardinals were about to deal the finishing blow on me when I can barely breathe, they suddenly stopped, perhaps believing that I was finally gone for good. They flew off, but their action grabbed my attention, for I actually turned my head towards them. They chirped, chirped... And wept... For their dead children...

   "It... It was all my fault..." I told myself, "I broke their bond... What kind of a monster am I....?" And I began to cry for them too.

   It was a harsh experience, but the sorrow keeps on coming, the melancholy would not stop it's beat until it reaches me. I do not want to hear others judging me for my sins, again I can only cry, and pray for death...

                                                                _____________________________________________________________________

   I woke up with a shock, rolling my eyes to here and there, only to find a plain bedroom, with warm candles and relaxing couches, even the bed I'm on right now is soothing. Even more ironic, the healthy candles were lighting up just fine on a nearby desk. Which means, that I'm alive and well.

   I wasn't even sure whether that incident with the flaming cardinals was just a whole another dream, but then again, the setting was saved in my photos, so it must have happened. Shivering, I took off the warm blanket, and checked my hooves, they were tightly bandaged, yet I can still see the red spot trying to grab my attention. I stared at it for a long time, and it reddened my eyes to force me into believing that red wasn't a nice color to feel after all.

   "You must've been very exhausted since I saw you lying down in that park nearby." Said a young and energetic voice. Its footsteps increased the amplitude, and I still feel scared because so many things went by and on, and my foolish brain can't handle all the stress. Why would I even be in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar ponies?

   Nopony or place welcomes me anyway...

   The voice blew open this room's only door, and the figure revealed itself to be a brown stallion, with a gray beard, and the minor detailed wrinkles on his face depicted him to be an elder pony.

   Not what I had in mind... I can't evaluate anything...

   "H... Hel.... Hell..." I tried to speak up, but the fear is dragging me from its wrath, the cliff is sharp and unsteady.

   "Hell is not a good language to use in a beginning of a sentence, girl!" He joked out loud, and laughed like he was speaking to the public. Seriously, what is with this pony? He is old and weak yet he speaks young and strong, just pure structure of complex!

   "I... Sorry." I took back my steps from the fear and restarted, "I just am not used to strangers..."

   "Oh ho ho ho! Don't be uncomfortable, young lady!" He replied, "You should feel good since you're the one who had my bag of jolly ranchers!"

   Jolly ranchers...? Since when... Ah! That wet paper bag that Sweetie Drops trusted me with to deliver to Uncle Jolly Joes, the stallion standing in front of me must be him! Lucky lottery! I did it! I actually helped somepony!

   Then again... I collapsed back there because of my stupidity, and it was this stallion who found me, and I was helped instead... Who would even think of helping me...?

   Eventually it hit me, this pony probably doesn't even know who I am! Probably that is the real cause why he helped me, if he did know my reputation... I would be just left there, dead.

   "Wasn't Sweetie Drops the one who's supposed to deliver this to me? Why did it end up in your hooves?" The brown pony asked in a strong tone that I hesitated and dared to speak. "Oh and by the way, the name is Jolly Joes, nice to meet you Miss!" And took out his two hooves to shake mines.

   I knew it, he was the right pony! But the main case wasn't about his identity anymore, but what happened back there. The sorrow again emerged out again transforming into pain as my body automatically spun and twirled. I did not want anypony to actually see my idiocy, but maybe this one can help me out. So I took a deep and lifeless breath, and responded,

   "Sw-...Sweetie Drops, met me on her way, and entrusted me with your jolly ranchers. I-...It was also quite stormy, a-and I was flying in a bad condition, eventually crashing into a tree..." I gulped, as the climax entered the stage, "Th-Then, I saw a nest after it fell with me off the tree, and I tried to get c-closer, a-and I-I fell on it, a-and k-k-killed th-the... Hatchlings.... Then, their parents were so outraged, that they brutally stabbed me with their beaks, and I bled so badly th-that I fainted..." *Sniff sniff.

   "I'm a dumbmule, nothing good comes out of me..." I added, and began to cry.

   "Hmm, despite uncommon to be hurt by small birds, their love for their young had strongly increased their physical strength... Interesting..." Jolly Joes ignored my agony.

   I have nothing else but to cry, even if the quantity is large, I do not care. For I wished I can cry until all the sorrow can flow out and never return when I drink from my favorite cup. Sadly, that either takes forever, or it does not work, for ponies always cry, and people would feel passionate and ease them...

   For me, it was the other side of the universe...

   "Alrighty Miss! Calm down, and relax..." He tried to make it sincere and honest, but deep down there is probably a single straw of hay that he has chewed up. Even worse, when I tried to calm down, I can only hiccup, and hiccup,

   And hiccup until there is no more left in me...

   "I still haven't figured out your name yet, care to tell?" Jolly Joes gladly took out his hoof again. Why didn't he ask this earlier? Wait, that should've been my job... How much of a retard am I...?

   Well at least this new problem that I have to deal with took me away from all those hiccups. I chose to respond to his simple question,

   "I'm Derpy Hooves... Nice to meet you Sir!" I shook his hoof again.

   "Care to tell me anything about you further?"

   I froze, even though I have so much to say in my mind, but for some reason I could not communicate properly, no matter how hard I try to describe something, it always end up on the wrong side of their horseshoes, and this misinterpretation sums up to why I could not make any friends, no one can understand me... Furthermore, I never met Jolly Joes before, how can I trust him to do his part? Then again, I decided to trust him at first place. But what if he changed? What if he is trying to deceive and use me like Sweetie Drops have? These worries stung my heart over and over, I have absolutely no idea on how to deal with this situation...

   "We... Well..." I stuttered each and every syllable, "I... I'm a v-v-v-v-ve-e-e-e-er.... Verrrrrry un.... Unpop...." I halted as if I was caught red hoofed by a royal guard, for I did not know what was the right word to describe me other than "unpopular". "Corrupted" maybe? Or "discordant"? "Disharmonious"? Well, I can only think of such terrific words.

   "Unpopular, you say?" The bearded stallion guessed, and he was right on the rope. "Well I had those days too, many people despised me and rebuffed me for... Well, a lot of things. The snub was annoying as hell!"

   "Sn... Snub...?" I was confused, for I do not know any vocabularies.

   "It means the instance of forcing someone away, or refusal to acknowledge somepony you know."

   "Oh... Sorry, I'm just so stupid... I have no common word choices unlike...."

   "No! Don't feel bad! Instead, cheer up for actually learning something new!" Jolly Joes warmly said, and it was like a ray of white light bursting through the solid concrete brick. I was soon drawn into this conversation.

   "Lea...Learning new things? B-but I'm already a mare! And I still don't even have the basic knowledge of what should be known moons ago!" I tried to argue, hiding my insecurity.

   "Do you have a family to guide you through all this?" He suddenly asked without my suspicion, I was somewhat in an terrified shock, I did not expect this to go where I wanted.

   "My... Family...?