YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKING ANONYMOUS
You arrived that this coo coo crazy fairy tale universe with humans with magical powers and shit.
After a while you realized, because of some inexplicable reason, you got some kind of bullshit plothole superhero powers.
THEN YOU BECAME THE MOST BADASSIEST BADASS MOTHERFUCKER IN THE HISTORY OF THIS FUCKING UNIVERSE.
You started small, by small, you mean like: Beating to death an insane evil cult leader wizard with your bare fists that threatened to destroy Ponyville.
Then the whole near-apocalyptic event of Equestria happened.
Your part in this include:
Going all Bruce Lee on a hulk sized martial artist monster. ("Boards, don't hit back")
Being captured and forced to fight in a Colosseum gladiator match with monsters. ("ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?")
Leading the Equestrian army to fight against the enemy's army bent on enslaving the world. ("THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM.")
The list goes fucking on, they can write 10 Lord of the Rings with this shit.
It ended with you going 1vs1 deathmatch with an ancient evil godlike entity a la motherfucking Conan the Barbarian. (No fucking movie quotes here, you had nothing to say then.)
Aaaaand, it all ended.
Peace returns at last, you fucking hope. For such a magical fairy tale land, this place goes through a lot of shit. After all of this, you became the greatest hero of Equestria.
Since your arrival and during all of this crazy shitstorm, you fought together the 6 girls who were supposed to be one of the most important people in Equestria. Somehow you became romantically involved with them, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, separately however.
You wanted to say something about this, but they made you keep it a secret to the other girls. You always knew this will end bad, but hey, the fucking Apocalypse and human extinction REMEMBER?.
After peacetime, you decide to tell the girls before this becomes nasty. You try to prepare yourself to face the consequences of the actions of your second brain member, but instead, they ask you to meet up with them first. They asked you to meet them near Twilight's castle. Shit, did they find out? ALL OF THEM?
"Hi girls!" you try put on a fake smile. Keep this cool, keep this cool.
They are looking at you as if you did something wrong. All of them with arms crossed. Well, you did do something wrong. Their glares are making you sweating .50-cal bullets right now. Twilight breaks the silence.
"Anonymous, we have to talk about US. ALL of us." she says that while pointing her finger at you.
HOLY WOODWORKER JEW ON A STICK BEING TORTURED TO DEATH!
You start to panic the shit out.
"OH SHIT, OH SHIT, I'M SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BUT I COULDN'T, I, YOU GIRLS, COULDN'T TALK, I-"
You are interrupted by their laughs and giggles. You are confused as fuck.
"Don't worry sugarcube, we've known for a long time." says Applejack while suppressing her laughter.
"SAY WHAT?"
"She is correct, darling, we knew of your other 'exploits'." Rarity gives you that seductive wink.
You sit on a bench.
"How long?" you ask.
"Oh, just after you sealed the deal with all of us, champ." says Rainbow Dash.
"What? Why didn't you say something? I fuckin, I uh...uh."
You dont know what is going on.
"I'm sorry we made you worry, sweetie." says Fluttershy.
She gently pinches your cheeks affectionately.
"But we knew you had enough things to worry about and besides, we don't mind at all."
"Say what again?" you ask. You can't believe what she just said.
"We were okay with you going out with us at the same time, we're all best friends!" says Pinkie Pie while placing her arms over her friends.
.....What
"It was also fun trying to keep all of that a secret from you!" Pinkie Pie giggles in the most girly way.
You had nothing to say for a while.
THIS SOME CRAZY MORMON THING OR SOMETHING?
Someone else would punch you in the nuts for even thinking that. You guess its some kind of alternate universe morals and mentality thing.
"Awwww, I think he is confused girls, give him a hug." says Twilight.
Group fucking hugs. Woohoo.
"You have bigger things to worry about, hot stuff." says Dash in your ear.
She says that while groping your ass.
"Which is?"
What fickkity fuckkity thing should you be more worried about now?
"We are all pregnant!" says Twilight.
WHAT
After a lot of things, marriage was decided, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
"Is polygamy even legal in Equestria?" you ask Twilight.
"There was never really any problems with it." Twilight shrugs.
So you bought 6 fucking custom made wedding rings, lucky that you have enough dosh loadsamoney thanks to your heroics now. Still, they costed a fortune.
Princess Celestia clutched her stomach and laughed her ass off when you all announced this.
Princess Luna was baffled at first, but applauded for you and tried to stop Celestia from laughing.
Princess Cadance shed a tear and congratulated you, well mostly Twilight, Shining Armor....was not so pleased.
Still you being the greatest hero in existence, he didn't complain much. Much. You did see him gripping his sword nervously time to time.
Jeeeesus, this guy is supposed to be your future brother-in-law.
Twilight makes the arrangements, Rarity the wedding dresses, Pinkie the building-sized wedding cake, Applejack the guest list, Dash plans the event and shows, Fluttershy the music and so on.
You suddenly also became the luckiest motherfucker in history of Equestria. Nobody even heard about marrying 6 girls, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
Turns out there were minor legal problems with all this, but Twilight as a Princess could do whatever the fuck she wanted.
Marriage was fucking huge.
The wedding cake was fucking huge, thanks Pinkie.
Celestia had to contain her laughter during all this.
Luna was trying tell Celestia to stop doing that.
Cadence was crying through the whole event with happiness.
Shining Armor was also crying, with happiness? Maybe not.
Twilight's parents were just happy that their daughter was getting married, and getting a grandchild. Rarity's parents were cheering the loudest, they are pretty spry for their age. Pinkie's parents were somewhat quiet but Pinkie assured you that is their way of being happy. Her sister, Maud, gifted you a large stone obelisk she made herself. Applejack's family were happy enough, Applebloom was happy to be an Aunt and Big Mac merely shed a tear silently. Granny Smith kept grumbling something about you not being good enough for Applejack.
At least THEY like you.
Months later.
Your wife- you mean wives are on their final month of pregnancy. You and your wives decided to use Twilight's castle as their collective home.
You are busy trying to the clean the whole place by yourself, Twilight could have gotten some helpers around, but no. At least not yet, not until the babies are born.
"ANON, CAN YOU PLEASE GET THOSE BOOKS AND LETTERS ALREADY? DO YOU THINK ROYAL DUTIES FINISH ON THEIR OWN?" Twilight shouts angrily at her desk.
"of course, Twilight dear." you say.
"Its okay Twilight, I can help you." says Spike.
Spike, you magnificent dragon, you are a brother to the end.
"NO SPIKE, HE SAID HE WILL HELP ME WITH THE BIG BOOKS, AND THAT IS WHAT HE WILL DO!" Twilight points at those fucking huge as fuck books.
"All yours, Anonymous." Spike backs away slowly.
You are dead to me Spike.
YEP, you never thought about dealing with this berserker pregnancy mood swings, AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
It started slowly and one at a time before, but sometimes...
A large ice cream bucket is thrown at your direction. Oh sweet jesus, you just cleaned that part.
"ANON, I TOLD YOU WE RAN OUT OF BUCKETS OF CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM AND MILK, GO GET SOME ALREADY!" shouts Pinkie as she throws the big ice cream spoon at you.
You dodge the spoon. Pinkie is the one with those extreme pregnancy huger pains.
"I'll go buy some Pinkie honey, but I don't think all that chocolate ice cream is healthy for-"
"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I AM GETTING FAT?" shouts Pinkie as she throws another spoon at you.
"No no no, of course not."
"Oh, don't worry Pinkie dear, we'll get you something else to eat." says Mrs. Cake while holding her hand.
Mrs. Cake tries to calm pinkie down by giving her a cup of water. Thank you Mrs. Cake, you are a life saver.
Rarity in the dressing room is suddenly crying loudly. She was folding maternity clothes with her sister.
"Whats wrong Rarity, sweetie?"
Rarity is on her knees crying.
"BUH HUH HUH HUH, I WONT BE ABLE TO FIT INSIDE MY DRESSES ANYMORE, I AM UGLY NOW." she cries while looking at the mirror.
You see that there are her old dresses on the floor, she probably was trying to imagine herself in them.
"Don't say that Rarity, you are beautiful."
"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Rarity points that finger at you menacingly.
"Its okay sis, I am here for you." says Sweetie Belle while trying to calm her down.
"OH SWEETIE BELLE, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I CAN COUNT ON." says Rarity.
Sweetie Belle hugs Rarity.
Oh boy.
"ANON, YOU IDIOT, YOU FORGOT TO FEED TANK!" shouts Rainbow Dash, walking towards you with Tank flying next to her.
Rainbow Dash was going for a slow walk with Tank.
"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, baby."
"LOOK AT HIM, HE LOOKS TIRED BECAUSE OF YOU!"
.....but he uses that propeller thing on his shell.
"DON'T YOU THINK ITS BAD ENOUGH ALREADY THAT I CAN'T EXERCISE MUCH AS I WANT NOW? I AM GOING TO BE FAT AT THIS RATE!"
"Of course I know, baby."
Dash hugs Tank, even the damned turtle looks at you with pity.
"ANON, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHIN'...GET OVER HERE ALREADY!" Applejack calls you from the next room.
"Coming, Applejack darling."
"HELP BIG MAC WITH THOSE APPLE CIDER BARRELS ALREADY, HE CAN'T DO IT ON HIS OWN, DO YOU WANT ME TO CARRY THEM?" Applejack points at the barrels.
There still are shitton of barrels to carry.
"Its alright Applejack, I can handle it." Big Mac say nervously while carrying one on his shoulder and his arm.
Big Mac is still your favorite brother-in-law, unlike that other asshole dickhead.
"NO, YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF LIKE LAST TIME, GET TO IT QUICKLY ANON!" Applejack shouts at you.
"ASAP, darling."
"AAANNNOOOONN!"
Fluttershy's voice shakes the entire castle. May God have mercy, here it comes.
Fluttershy is the worst when it comes to mood swings. She slowly stomps her feet while approaching you.
"I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO WALK THE ANIMALS AN HOUR AGO!" Fluttershy bellows.
"Bu..but Fluttershy, angel, I-"
"DON'T YOU OH 'BUT FLUTTERSHY' ME, MISTER! THE ANIMALS NEED TENDING, NOW!"
"I'll get to it, angel."
The animals and even that big ass bear looks uneasy.
Even that cunt asshole rabbit feels sorry for you.
You called for SOS to people around you when things started to get worse. After hearing your situation many tried to help you. With little success.
Big Mac, Sweetie Belle, Spike, and Mrs. Cake decided to help you today. They watch you as you do every single thing your wives shout at you.
"That boy should have learned something about keeping his gun holstered" says Mrs Cake.
"Eyuup."
The animals nod in unison.
"What are you talking about?" asks Spike and Sweetie Belle.
The day ends.
You almost faint on the enormous bed. Preventing the apocalypse has nothing on this.
"Anonymous, are you alright?" Twilight asks you while stroking your hair.
"Little tired, dear, nothing a little sleep can't heal."
Your wives gather around and cuddle with you.
"We're really sorry that we were such slave drivers, dear." says Rarity.
"I can handle it."
"I'm sorry I shouted at you like that." says Fluttershy.
"No harm done."
"I'll make pancakes tomorrow, you like those, dont you?" asks Pinkie.
"Always."
"And I'll make some apple pies for you!" says Applejack.
"Will Look forward to it"
"Do you want a back massage?" asks Rainbow Dash.
"Its okay."
Twilight suddenly puts her hand on her belly.
"Anon, honey?"
"Yes, Twi?"
"I think its time."
"My god."
"Me too." says Applejack with a grimace.
"What?"
"I guess this is the feeling of water breaking." groans Rainbow Dash
"Owie, Its about time, I guess." says Pinkie
"You need to get someone." says Rarity.
"...um." Fluttershy squeaks.
AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.
