Nothing left worth living for
Sharp Eye was walking in a daze. Replaying in his mind the events of the last few months.
Everything was going great. He was a normal, happy earth pony living an average life. He had friends (more like acquaintances really, but still, ponies he would talk to from time to time) business was good and he had plenty of bits saved up for the future. Most importantly, he had recently met a mare he thought would, very soon, become his very special somepony.
He had never been happier.
Not long ago, before he moved to Ponyville, he was a lost pony. Wandering through life without any purpose, any direction. Taking what little joy he could, wherever he could find it. He remembered being much happier when he was younger but like a well slowly going dry in the desert, as time went on, these periods of happiness grew fewer and fewer.
But then one day, in his never-ending quest for a purpose in life, he came across her. She needed something, something he had to offer. So he started talking with her and slowly they became close and Sharp Eye felt the despondency receding. As they grew closer he found hope and he was determined to not let it go.
Sharp eye was ecstatic. He thought he had found it. His purpose, his direction. Someone who needed him and who he needed in return.
He was happy, happier than he had ever been. But then, shockingly, everything came crashing down.
In that moment, Sharp Eye realized he had built a dream that could not survive in the light of reality.
"Crack!"
The unmistakable sound of a branch breaking brought him back to the present. "That's not very far off," Sharp Eye said as he looked in the direction of the noise. He stopped for a moment, listening for more sounds. The Everfree is a strange place, Sharp Eye thought. He had never before been in a place so full of life and yet, so quiet.
He continued walking down the overgrown trail, deeper into the Everfree.
He was not here by accident.
Sharp Eye's mind again turned inward. Thinking now about how every living creature has an ingrained desire for self preservation. The survival instinct is the probably the deepest, most primal instinct that all sentient beings share, he thought. It's only when a being becomes sapient that they become aware of their instincts and have the ability to fight against them.
The natural instinct to fight or to flee, to feed, to mate, to survive. While most creatures did these things automatically, ponies recognized these instincts within themselves and were, to a certain extent, able to control them.
"Rustle, thud!" He heard a sound in the bushes to his left. "It's closer now", he said. "Whatever 'it' is."
Sharp Eye felt that instinct now, a fear deep in his belly sending signals to his brain, a tingling sensation he felt over his whole body screaming "Danger! Run!" But he was in control, he fought his instincts and kept on walking. He was not brave, no. Far from it. His reason for being in the Everfree was not one of heroism or necessity. Well, maybe necessity. One could say that it depended on your point of view.
He thought he would get over it, over her. But it had been over a month and still Sharp Eye felt empty, despondent and worthless. These feelings came flooding back to him and with a vengeance. Their embrace so deep and bitter he knew it would be the last time. I can feel it coursing through my body like a drug, Sharp Eye thought.
Yes, she has a name but even now, Sharp Eye couldn't bring himself to say it or even think it.
He remembered well their first conversations, how they had so much in common, how excited he felt just talking to her! He was not looking for anypony at the time and neither was she. They met by chance but he knew, within a very short time, that she was the one.
Sharp Eye had always been a shy pony, never really reaching out to meet others. Other ponies didn't seem to have the same shyness that Sharp Eye felt he had been cursed with. They always managed to start conversations with him, break the ice so-to-speak. And in this way, at different times of his life, he had gotten close to other mares before moving to Ponyville and as he thought back, they were all nice enough.
But Sharp Eye never felt this same kind of connection with any of them and as a result, these relationships did not last.
Being honest with himself, he had given up hope of finding his special somepony years ago. He accepted that he would spend his life alone and had come to terms with it. It was not an easy realization.
To numb the pain of that conclusion, Sharp Eye had thrown himself into his work. A busy mind has no time for regrets.
Building carts was his families profession but in the small town of Appleloosa, there was no need for so many cart builders. A few years ago he had moved to Ponyville to start fresh. Likewise, his brother had moved to Canterlot and, lucky for him, found not only his purpose but his special somepony as well. Sharp Eye was happy for his brother but never had any hope the same would happen to him.
Looking up through the gaps in the foliage overhead, he could see Princess Celestia's sun was nearing the horizon. It was going to be dark soon. He felt a chill run through his body as he thought about it. "Not much longer now," he said, speaking in his normal voice. Sharp Eye knew the forest was no place to be, especially with darkness approaching, but still, he was not trying to be quiet. He had made his decision and there was no need for caution or whispers.
Again, his thoughts drifted back to that day, what had it been, more that four months ago? It seems more like a lifetime, he thought. When he had summoned up enough courage to ask her to be his special somepony.
I had set it up so well. A beautiful sunny day at a table outside the cafe. I took her hoof in mine, looked her in the eye and asked her. No hesitation, no anxiety. I was, for the first time in my life, confident and secure. That feeling did not last long though. Sharp Eye cringed as he remembered what came after.
The look of shock on her face, how she refused to look me in the eye, the way she stuttered when she told me that she did not think of me that way.
Sharp Eye laughed to himself as he remembered the way she apologized, how sorry she was.
The one pony he could have been happy with. "I was such a fool," he said out loud to the darkening forest surrounding him.
He spotted a stream running near the trail. Feeling an extreme dryness in his mouth he went over to it and drank deeply from the cool, clear water. Surprisingly, it did nothing to alleviate his feeling of dehydration.
"A dry mouth must be another fear response," he said as he continued on the path he had taken. His heart now beating quicker and harder than before. So hard he thought he could actually hear the blood flowing through his veins.
Sharp Eye thought he had handled her rejection rather well. It's not like he hadn't experienced it all before. He had been taken aback and was quite shocked but he remained composed. There had been no crying, no outbursts. He remembered what he had told her.
"O-Oh, sure. Sorry. I-I didn't mean to embarrass you like that. I t-thought you felt the same way I did. No, i-it's not your fault, I completely understand."
The words were meant to comfort her but they had done nothing to comfort him. He had walked home after saying goodbye. Well, not technically "goodbye". What he had really said was "See you later", but they both knew, deep down, that that was a lie.
He remembered watching as she walked a few meters away and turned her head to look at him one last time. I thought I saw a kind of pity reflected in her beautiful eyes as she opened her wings and took off. Slowly, gracefully soaring into the distance and out of my life forever. With only that one look back to remember her by.
"When you make a fool of yourself like that", Sharp eye said, "when you put all your cards on the table, it becomes a point of no return. It's all or nothing at that point and often when you gamble, you loose."
Sharp Eye had lost. He'd lost big time.
They both knew that it was over, the friendship, everything. It would have been far too awkward for him to see her again after that.
Still, try as he might, he could not get her out of his mind.
So here he was.
Darkness had snuck up on him as he was reminiscing. Princess Luna's moon was casting dark shadows all around him as he negotiated the narrow path.
He heard more rustling in the darkness. It was on both sides of him now. Sharp Eye had heard, like every other pony living near the Everfree, that the creatures that dwelled within were most active at night.
No going back now, he thought. Just like it was with her. Now, here in the Everfree, he was past the point of no return.
Yes, I'm a coward. Through and through, he thought. A stronger pony would have sucked it up, continued on with life. Buried this episode in the far reaches of his mind and forgot about it. A coward, that's what I am. And this is just what cowards deserve.
Sharp Eye's guts felt like they wanted to jump out of his belly. He couldn't stop swallowing but his mouth was dryer than before, even though he had drunk so much water just moments ago. His legs did not want to obey his brain, it was hard to force them to continue forward. He felt a chill deep within his bones as waves of endorphins cascaded from his core outward, like ripples from a stone tossed in a still pond. But in spite of this, he continued on.
It came without warning. The creature hit Sharp Eye from behind just as he came out of the dense underbrush into a small clearing filled with grass that was taller than he was. "Whak!" Sharp Eye was knocked to the ground and saw stars in his vision. Shaking his head, he slowly got back on his hooves. Reaching around behind his head, he felt a dampness. Bringing his hoof to his face, he saw it was covered in what could only be blood. His blood.
Sharp Eye heard a noise to his left. As he swung around that direction, "Bam!", he was hit again from the right. Bait and switch, he thought. Well played. Sharp Eye felt himself being picked up in the air and shaken like a rag doll.
The creature tossed him out and he felt himself flying through the air. At that moment a strange thought went through his head; So this is what it feels like to be a pegasus, That thought lasted only a moment before the reality of his situation, along with his body, came crashing back to earth amongst the tall grass.
He was awake but he couldn't move. He tried to speak but only a quiet squeak escaped his dry lips. Why can't I feel any pain? Sharp Eye thought. Why can't I move?
Then it came to him; The creature must have broken his back when it was shaking him. I'm paralyzed! he concluded. His vision was starting to cloud over red as what he figured was blood, ran down his face and into his eyes. Looking upward, the moon, stained red by his own blood, was suddenly obscured by the gigantic head of a creature he could not recognize. It's massive jaws were open and it was getting closer.
So this is it, he thought.
Sharp Eye was terrified as he tried to close his eyes against what he knew was the end but he felt a morbid compulsion to watch. As the the creature's open maw, filled with sharp, bloody teeth (his blood, he realized) blocked out his view of everything else, Sharp Eye was then finally, gratefully, able to close his eyes and embrace the darkness.
Sometimes nothing is better.
