Zombie Ponies!?

by Caberea

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cheerilee, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1776

What if Zombie Ponies were, not likely, but possible?

A quick one-shot at an idea i came up from being just as sleep deprived as Cherilee is here. I spent too much time thinking on the whole zombie ponies idea and then i started to do this. I actually debated calling this "Is that a zombie pony?" But decided against it, as that would have implied it was a crossover with "Is that a Zombie?"

This is my first attempt at comedy, or random, or anything not related to grim/dark type stuff, so any feedback on this would be great.

Published 2012-05-15 17:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-15 17:04:01 UTC

Not Likely...But Possible?

It was a strange day in Ponyville, not a single pony could be seen on the streets, and all the houses were closed and boarded up. It was a strange day to say the least; the sun was shining brightly in the sky, and though it may have been a tad hotter than usual, it was no reason for such a complete lockdown of the town. No, the real reason was…

“Zombie Ponies?” Pinkie Pie’s trembling voice may have added to Spike’s already terrified feelings, but Twilight Sparkle wasn’t going to cave into irrational fears so easily. All she had told Spike was that it was unlikely, but Spike had taken that as meaning there was a possibility. There was no way in Equestria that zombie ponies existed, no scientific proof. Unlike Dragons, Griffins, Manticore’s and Cockatrice, there was no physical way that a zombie could exist.

Nope, no way whatsoever…

So why was there that trembling feeling in her, the niggling worry that they might be real?

Of course, she was the rational one, she couldn’t let them know that she was worried of an imaginary creature, no matter how small said worry might be.

“There’s no such thing as Zombie Ponies.”

Applejack spoke up from the group of her friends (plus Applebloom) crowded in Sugarcube Corner.

“Then whaddaya call that?”

Twilight drew closer to the window to see what Applejack was pointing at, and was shocked at what she saw. It was by all definitions a zombie pony. The slow uneven shamble of walking, the vacant expression in their eyes, the gaping mouth, as if they were half asleep, and if that weren’t bad enough, the zombie was Cherilee.

But zombie ponies couldn’t be real. This wasn’t a zombie pony, no way; it must all be some sort of prank, some trick of the eyes, something! Anything!!!

“Aaaaaaah”

Twilight screamed…though whether or not it was because of the impossibility of a zombie existing or the fact that she had been wrong she wasn’t sure. Worst of all, Spike had been right where she had been wrong. Spike, her assistant! How could she be Celestia’s prized student when she got things wrong that even her assistant could get right.

While Twilight was busy having her mental breakdown, Pinkie Pie had randomly broken into some song about zombies dancing or something of the kind. Rarity was silent, having abruptly fainted the moment she saw Cherilee, and Fluttershy was busy trying to find something to hide behind that was sufficiently zombie-proof.

This left Applejack and Rainbowdash (plus Applebloom) to deal with the actual zombie. Not that either of them gave any attention to Applebloom.

“What in Equestria is a zombie doin’ in Ponyville, an’ why is it Cherilee of all ponies?”

“Does it matter what they’re doing here, the problem is how we’re going to get rid of them, it is Cherilee after all, and we can’t just handle this as if she were just some run-of-the-mill monster.”

And so that conversation became just a spiraling circle of how to deal with the problem. They both agreed they couldn’t just attack Cherilee, but they also agreed that something had to be done about her. It was debated that Twilight might know some anti-zombification spell, but in her current state she was more likely to screw up and turn Cherilee into a chicken than she was to cure the mare.

Of course, this left nopony (plus Applebloom) to deal with the problem. This meant that nopony was willing to hurt Cherilee, because nopony disliked having to go to school every day, and nopony would ever want to take out some of that stress on their zombified teacher.

Therefore it only made sense that Applebloom should be the one to bash the brains out of her former teacher-turned-zombie. Of course the filly couldn’t just try and take on the zombie head-on, chances are she would just get turned into a zombie as well, but a trap would work perfectly. Applebloom had played lots of pranks on Applejack, which made her perfect for the job of setting up the ultimate trap for zombie-Cherilee, albeit the fact that not a single prank had ever been successful to date.

This would be the perfect opportunity for her to earn her Cutie Mark. Screw apple-picking, apple-farming, apple-seed-spitting, and handheld computer production, she was going to get her Cutie Mark in zombie slaying.

Why had she decided to go to that make-up summer sun celebration? What had she been thinking, today was the day before school started up, and so of course the smart thing for her to do would have been to rest up, and make sure that all the marking had been done. Instead she’d decided to join the rest of Ponyville in the summer sun celebration to make up for the previous cancellation of the summer sun celebration.

Not that it hadn’t been great, but maybe what hadn’t been great was the idea to have a drinking contest with big mac. That stallion may not say much, but he could sure hold his drink, and Cherilee wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing that she had managed to win. Of course, everything stupid had felt perfectly fun and reasonable while she had been doing it, but the moment it was over the regret came, this morning in the form of the Equestria’s worst hangover. The rest of her body wasn’t feeling much better, every muscles in her body just wanted to stop going and sleep, but she couldn’t.

Why had she wasted the summer break so thoroughly? She was the one who had prepared the assignments, she had told them all it was due before the holidays, so why had she decided that she could handle marking all of them in one day? It wasn’t very exciting reading about the reasons why Equestria hadn’t become a dictatorship on the best of days, but it was even worse trying to read it with a hangover bigger than the moon, and sleep deprivation to match.

And to think that she had to mark it in just one day. Cherilee was so frustrated she began muttering angrily to herself…or at least she tried to.

“Rafacet, reriree momumera-“

Great, just brilliant, her tongue had decided to fall asleep. She was too tired to even bother questioning the flaws in that but she didn’t care, all that mattered was that she got home and got those papers marked…If she could remember which way home was.

“Cherilee”

A cheery voice piped up from somewhere, and after a minute of having her vision rove right past the origin of the voice, it finally settled on a small filly. What was her name again? Something to do with fruit. Orange? No, Banana? C’mon Cherilee you can do better than this…Apple? Yes, that was it, Applebloom.

Cherilee felt a sense of pride in herself that she could recall the name of one of her own students.

“Heya Cherilee, did I ever mention that I was the one who kept on setting up those whoopee cushions and the like ‘round your desk.”

She would never have guessed Applebloom as the culprit, she had always suspected Snips or Snails of it…but then again, she gave those two far much more credit than they deserved, considering that even now she could probably outsmart both of them put together.

“Oh yeah, and I always wondered how you managed to get your massive flank through the school doorways.”

Okay, now it was on!

Cherilee charged towards Applebloom, though the charge was more like a lengthy stumble to keep herself from tripped over her own hooves. As she approached Applebloom, the filly leaned on a loose plank that had been leaning on the wall of Sugarcube corner. Cherilee watched in amazement as a needlessly complicated series of events began, which started in a marble being knocked slightly away through the gutters of the store, and ultimately ended in a large bucket of…something being knocked over, right onto Cherilee’s face.

A loud crashing sound reverberated from through the kitchen door inside Sugarcube corner, which caused Twilight and her friends to stop bickering/panicking/whatever it is Pinkie Pie does. Everypony instantly turned to Spike, expecting that he misplaced some pots or pans while doing a candy raid of the kitchen. But as he was nowhere near to the kitchens at the time, and had in fact been doing some strange dance with Pinkie that he had been told would “ward against zombies”, they decided it was not Spikes fault…for once.

The seven of them all went to check on the kitchen’s and found Applebloom, standing outside the outer kitchen doorway, sounding rather pleased with herself.

“Oh yeah, that’s gotta get me mah Cutie Mark for sure. I did the holy water, the garlic, ah even put some steak’s into it for good measure. C’mon Cutie Mark, hurry up an’ appear already.”

As the group headed out to see just what it was that Applebloom was talking about, they found themselves looking at a very wet-very disgruntled-very awake, and most certainly-not-a-zombie-Cherilee.

Applebloom seemed rather oblivious to the whole not-a-zombie part of it until Cheerilee began talking.

“No Applebloom, THAT is not going to earn you your cutie mark. I am not sure what’s more insulting, the fact that you thought I was a zombie. Or the fact that you seem to have taken in so little about pony mythology, that you can’t tell the difference between a zombie and a vampire…or the difference between a steak and a stake.”

“But Cherilee, what if you had been a vamp-”

Applebloom’s protests were clearly not going to do her any good at this point, not after what she had just done.

“Then you might have managed to actually accomplish something with that stunt back there, but as it stands, I’m not, you didn’t, and because of you, now I’m all wet and smell of garlic…and steak” Cherilee shot a look at Pinkie Pie “Why do you even have steak?”

But before Pinkie Pie could go on some long tangent about things that only Pinkie was likely to understand, Cherilee formed a devious (and questionable legal) plan.

“I just had the best idea. Applebloom, since you seem so keen on bringing school into summer break, you’re going to love the rest of today. Surely you remember that assignment I gave the class to be done before the end of the holidays.”

Applebloom groaned, confirming it for her.

“Well you’re going to have a blast marking each and every one of them before tomorrow.”