Wherein Blueblood isn't a villain, or catastrophically incompetent.
Luna walked down the halls of the Canterlot Castle. Having left her sister to deal with problems that she should have faced ages ago, she was off to find her prey. More accurately, talk to Blueblood to determine whether she needed to fill out the proper paperwork for banishing a subject to a far-off celestial body, or if she had, as her sister said, misread the conversation.
Although 4 years of comments and interactions had left her with few petitioners to visit her, as well as the aristocracy treating her as a joke, she rather doubted that she had misread things. It was more likely to her that her sister's boundless optimism, mixed with a form of blindness to those near to her, was coloring her judgement. After all, not even Nightmare Moon would sink so low as to make jokes at her sister's haunches. As abundantly plump as they looked. Seriously, it looked as if that mare grew thicker every year. But Luna had the grace not to bring it up, even if her sister was starting to leave cracks in the floor as she walked every now and then.
That said she, Luna, Princess of the Night, Guardian of Dreams, the Dreamwalker, The Slayer of a Thousand Evil Dust Bunnies and That Thing Under the Bed (although only Tia could use that title for her), was looking pudgy. It was beyond indignant. Especially how the aristocracy tried forcing soy products upon her when she went to parties, saying it was good for one’s figure. Her figure was adorkable. The Pink Demon said so herself. Now there was a mare who knew about bodies. She would have to, what with all the specialized parties she threw for anything that existed inside or outside of reality.
Luna shook her mane, and the stars danced angrily inside them. I need to remember that Tia is normally a great judge of character. Sure, there was the fifth Zebrican shamaness, and the time with that candy mare at the first ever Carnival, or the maid named Steels Stuff, and the first time she went to the original Griffon Empire and was challenged to a drinking contest against King Griffhaken... That was horrifying. A drunk Celestia is something nopony should ever witness, although I still wonder where she summoned all those fluffy booties and shaggy blankets from. Seriously, trying to cover up the sun so it doesn't get a cold? Not even I get that weird... Thankfully no one will ever feel her awkward cuddles in this day and age. Nor another creation myth about where Hippogriffs come from.
Still... Other than the fifty-odd beings she's made awful judgement calls with, I shall reserve judgement until I speak with him privately. Than he shall be the signer of his own fate. Wherever the axe may fall.
By the time Luna got to the parlor where young stallions among the aristocracy were wont to be when not contributing to society, which sadly Luna had come to see as most of the time. Or if not here, throwing their bits at one frivolity or another. It made Luna miss the days when a noble could be challenged to prove their worth with an epic quest. Alas, Celestia said those were done away with ages ago. It was something Luna had been fighting her sister for years now to bring back. And with the newest alicorn ascending, she could easily get a massive vote for a yay, rather than a nay.
No! I shall stop this at once. Since when did I give way to distraction and tangents? Wasn't I the one who fought valiantly in... No. No more distractions. This just like any other war. I shall burst in there with my royal self ablaze with power, and in a firm voice strong with conviction shall tell that young whelp that he and I are going to talk... If that doesn't work I'll just pull him by the ear like a petulant colt.
Luna's body glowed with a dark aura of power, as if shadows had gained a physical substance that burned with an indigo flame. Her eyes shone white, and a storm of mana formed around her head like a violent halo, and with herself steeled she burst into the room. "Blueblood! We shall speak at once!"
She saw the force of her Royal Canterlot Voice tossed the various ponies in across the room by sheer volume, and among those sat Blueblood and several pompous stallions lying in the remnants of what once was a game of poker. Her storm swirled around her with a violent fury, the high vaulted windows rattling in fear. Yet all Blueblood did was brush himself off before looking at his entourage. "Sorry, gentlecolts, it seems as if Aunt Luna wants to have a word. You know how mares get this time of the month, am I right?" He said with a wink dripping with chauvinism and sarcasm.
Well I tried to do this nicely. Gripping his ear with her magic, she pulled him towards her, causing him to yelp in surprise and pain as she dragged him away. "This was a long time coming. We shall decide your fate soon enough!" Luna roared.
Luna dragged him all the way to her apartments by the ear. His whining and moaning was stressing her patience to the very limits, but she had wanted answers, and as a seeker of truth, she would know everything before she sent him to somewhere particularly brutal. If only for the fact that he made a quip about her estrus.
But once she deposited him upon the cold, hard floor. She was utterly flummoxed with what came out of Blueblood’s mouth next.
"Thank you for getting me out of there. I thought those parasitic mouthbreathers would never let me leave. Although you could have gone easier on the ears, I'm delicate you know," Blueblood grumbled.
"Wha-Wh- Huh? What manner of insults are you using this time? We are unfamiliar with this form of pettiness, but demand an answer!"
"Insult? What are you... Oh! Auntie Tia never talked to you about me?" He asked, and if Luna wasn't mistaken, looked rather hurt.
"Not until recently, and all she said was for me to talk to you. Since the very first day, you've done naught but insult Us, made Us to be a laughing stock of the aristocracy, and worse of all, have done nothing to earn your title. So speak, and I shall judge your worth," Luna fumed, four years of pent-up anger boiling to the surface.
"Ha," Blueblood huffed humorlessly, "Then there is both quite a bit and not a lot to say, as Draconequuic as that sounds. When you first arrived here, it was a surprise to everyone. Auntie Tia never mentioned you, there were no history books about your existence, nor works of art portraying you. So when you came side by side with Auntie Tia, it was a shock.
Past that, I'm sure you notice the stress headaches she gets and how she pretends they don't exist? Or the mountains of paperwork she takes upon herself even though she doesn't need to carry all that weight upon herself? Or even the tons of petitions from greedy ponies wanting to take away from society for their own gain, usually on the backs of the commoners?"
"Yes, you have a point?" Luna snarked.
"Yes. A very good one in fact. You had just arrived, and after hearing from Auntie Tia who you were, and what you'd be doing, I wished to spare you those who would use you as a way to go around Auntie Tia's back, or bury you in petty complaints that would crush you under a mountain of undue stress. Much less on top of learning about the modern world.
"So I made you a joke, something to be avoided by the majority of the idiots who think an accident of birth equals greatness, or titles equal entitlement. The few who do see you, are those in the inner circle who are smart enough to get to know you, or think they can one up you. The later thankfully you're actions have given rumor to viciousness and a ruthless streak. Your entrance today further cemented that.
"Although I'll need to spin this to make it look as if it was planned to the right ears," Blueblood monologued.
"Wait, so all of that was supposed to be for my benefit?" Luna asked incredulously.
"Of course. My cutie mark represents my ability to find the direction and movement of anything. I just use that to manipulate socialites and the higher ups to put their decadence, casteism, and wealth to wherever it will do the most good, while using connections to make sure none of the more ridiculous bills or proposals find their way to Celestia. Of course, that means I have the image of a mule's plot and a chauvinist most of the time. But I have power to demand respect, and I use it for what good I can, when I can," Blueblood sighed.
"What about the Grand Galloping Gala?" Luna asked.
"Aunt Luna... May I call you Aunt Luna?"
"Yes, for now you may," Luna asked.
"You know how ponies proposition us, as in the royalty? Seeing us as stepping stones to wealth, power, and fame?"
"I do know of such things. So your actions were a test for her?" Luna asked.
"Oh Elysium no!" Blueblood chuckled, "I know the mares who hunt me down in the Gala are a pack of wolves. I simply find ways to not only ruin their night, but also repulse such ponies for a great long while. I am sorry for dragging you into my schemes last Gala. I should have warned you, although the few times I sent apology flowers to your room, astronomers reported that they ended up in orbit around the planet."
"I forgive you," Luna said calmly. Many things were falling into place in her mind, "And I'm sorry for thinking the flowers were a trap in some sort of cruel prank."
"All water under the bridge. Honestly, I'm jealous of the commoners. What they lack in political power, massive wealth, and international prestige, they make up for in freedom. Freedom of titles, of tradition, of familial burdens. They can be whatever they wish to become. Free to find love without worrying about it being a power move, or only for a way to increase their wealth, power, or personal goals.
"Although I should someday make amends with Rarity. Auntie Tia told me about her. While she's not my type in the least, I should at least make up for ruining her special night, or Caddy won't let me hear the end of it in our monthly Obelisks and Ogres game.Four years of the same lecture, ever since Auntie Tia told her about my interactions with the Element Bearers."
"Who exactly is your type?" Luna asked, honestly curious as to who would tickle his fancy. For the first time since she had gotten back, she felt something other than anger towards him. And as the former Element of Laughter, as well as Honesty, when faced with sincerity and honesty, from those with noble intents, it was hard for her to stay mad. Grudges just weren't in her nature, after all, a mortal’s life was too short to waste on such things.
"I don't know. I think Fancy has the right idea with Fleur De Lis, but it was brutal on her at first. A country mare with a special talent in sophistication and high society etiquette, and the body of a model. Thankfully things got better for her, and gives me hope. But at least she was a unicorn."
"And what, dear Blueblood, is wrong with non-unicorns?"
"Honestly, nothing. I like the beautiful curves of an earth pony mare, and pegasi look absolutely exotic. But this is mostly a unicorn city. Any attempt to go not only beneath my station, but to a non-unicorn, would only give her pain and ridicule. Caddy thinks I'm being silly, and love conquers all. I see it as being a realist, and love only takes a pony so far before the acidic passive-aggression of the upper class would kill love like a careless foal would a bug."
Luna looked at the downcast visage of Blueblood and felt pity for him. "Fie! A pox on such a ludicrous notion. I know for a fact that Tia has bedded every type of pony, and a few non-ponies in my day. If an immortal ruler finds that a non-unicorn is worthy of Her affections, then that should be good enough for the aristocracy."
"Thanks, Aunt Luna, I needed that. Still don't think I'll ever find love, but I'm glad we could talk for once outside of the public eye. Caddy and some other ponies you should get you know are going to be having a game night a few nights from now. You should join."
"What about Our nephew? Can he join as well?"
"Nephew?"
"Yes, Spike is about to be adopted by both Twilight and sister dearest."
"That's good news. It will give me a chance to actually get to know him outside of rumors and legends."
"Legends?"
"Yes, apparently he was quite the mare's stallion. Talk to any mare that was in one of Auntie Tia's schools and they'll go on and on about the cutest, most helpful little thing. Some even had a crush on the school’s mascot from what I've heard. Although none of the stallions have anything to really say about him other than as a mascot for the United Universities."
"United Universities?"
"Ah, it's a reference to all the schools that Auntie Tia made and looks over."
"Hmmm. Well as long as he's welcome, I'd love to join."
"Fantastic. Caddy would love to see her little hero. From what she keeps telling me, he was is the greatest hero the Crystal Empire ever had, and ponies worship him over there."
"Really!?" Luna squealed excitedly.
"Yes," Blueblood replied cautiously.
"Then this shall be the perfect fix for young Spike's dilemma. Tell Cadance that her nation’s hero needs her. We must start this game soon, for Spike's stake," Luna shouted exuberantly.
"I'll let her know. Later on, I'll give you two help creating your first characters. And... Aunt Luna?" Blueblood said hesitantly.
"Yes?"
He offered a hoof towards her. "Friends?"
Luna pushed away his hoof, and embraced him in a hug. "Nay, family."
Author's Note
I was thinking originally of making this a normal chapter of ToL, but I decided that it would be more fitting as it's own little story. As a sidequel, it works well as a standalone fic. With no prior knowledge of the GoldenVerse to know what's going on. Or enjoy the fic as a whole.
Ogres and Obelisks is my AU's version of D&D. I use the monster prior to the place because it rolls off the tongue better. That and, on a personal level Obelisks are awesome. They can be Monoliths, or a plethora of them. Solid markers of a place / dungeon. Or hollow and dungeons themselves. Ancient, or Futuristic. Landmarks, or Weaponized Sentinels. They have literally endless possibilities.
