Twilight Sparkle is a Waffle

by DragonLS

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3099

Twilight turns into a Waffle. What more is there to say?

Twilight Sparkle suddenly finds herself turned into a Purple Waffle. What could go wrong?

WARNING: Reading this with serious intentions will cause an urge to scratch your head, nausea, tears of blood, eyes popping out sprouting legs and running away from you, insanity, illness, a hurt toe, a pie in your face, screaming Pokemon names, singing folk tales around a non-existent campfire and instead singing to a feral bear who wants to maul you to death while it makes you its bitch, and last but not least... A cherry on top. :D

Extremely crappy cover image created by yours truly and googled images.

AN: I don't see why anyone would label this as a troll fic... I'm not the type to do that. Can't a guy just create something really random once in awhile?

Published 2012-05-16 00:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-16 00:14:02 UTC

Twilight Sparkle is a Waffle

Special Thanks to Proofreader "FourOFire" & Editor "DaMobbs"

Twilight Sparkle is a Waffle

“Where… am I?”

Those were the first words out of my mouth. I opened my eyes slowly to find that everything was a blur. No, not blurred but distorted. My surroundings were twisted or morphed into shapeless blurs. I shook my head in vain, trying to clear my sight of this haze.I only succeeded in causing myself some slight nausea.

My vision did clear though, and instead of a foggy and distorted vision, I had a crisp, clear view of my surroundings.

“I’m still in the library…”

I must have been unconscious for quite some time, which would explain my clouded vision. I blinked a couple times as my eyes scanned the room for anything that was out of place. Thankfully, only a stack of unsorted books caught my eye and I made a mental note to remind Spike about them. I sighed and brought my hoof forward... except it never did.

I blinked. I tried to bring my hoof in front of my face but I simply felt... nothing. When I tried to move the rest of my limbs, I was met with the same lack of sensation! Are my legs numb? Did somepony amputate them? Was I tied up? No, I would’ve felt some form of restraints holding me down.

I had to look down at my body. For some reason, part of me didn’t want to... as if I was afraid of what I might discover. I couldn’t let this intimidate me. I mean, I’m me, right?

Wrong.

When I finally did look down, I could’ve sworn my jaw hit the floor. I hoped that it was just my eyes playing tricks on me, or that I was just having a really weird dream.

In place of my body was this circular disc, completely covered in square-shaped depressions. I was still purple, but it just looked off on whatever this was. I immediately noticed my lack of extremities, namely my tail and my four legs, which meant that I was completely immobile. Every muscle in my body seemed completely non-functional, save for my eyes.

That was when the realization hit me. It was coming back to me now… The time when I became…

...a Waffle.

XXXXXXX

“Okay, this WILL work!”, I said to myself for the fifth time today. I levitated a broom and dustpan to sweep up the remnants of my last attempt before turning my attention back to ‘Of Brooms and Legs’.

Spike had stumbled across this rather interesting book earlier today when he was cleaning out the cellar. it was rather old, the cover showing clear signs of age and the pages slightly crinkled. It even had that old book smell I only found when I was in the archives at the Royal Canterlot Library. Not one to pass on a new book, or an old one in this case, I dropped what I was doing and read the entire thing from cover to cover in a matter of hours. I was ecstatic. Not only did the book explain the theory behind ‘come to life’ enchantments, it even had hoof-written notes and diagrams detailing how such a spell would function!

As I read through a second time, I pieced together the spell. Everything was sound! My calculations indicated that this spell had a success rate of over 93.5436 percent rounded to the nearest ten-thousandth!

I could see it now:Broomsable to sweep up messes by themselves, or quills that could write on their own, or beds that would make themselves, or even non-pony powered carts! The possibilities were endless.

However, something was missing. The last attempts had simply dissolved into a pile of ashes. It wasn’t an issue of magical power as I clearly had enough to complete the spell. The problem had to be in the controlling agent. Of course! I flipped through the pages looking for some kind of phrase or note that could be used as the control and direction for the spell.

“Ah hah!”, I shouted, slamming my hoof down onto the book. I can’t believe I just passed over this section without a second thought. It was circled numerous times with ink too!

I prepared myself once more for my sixth attempt, levitating a new broom into place. My horn began to shine, brighter and brighter until it was almost blinding as my magic pooled together. I pictured the symbols in my mind, mixing together until they were in their proper positions before I began the chant.

“Let my words be heard, to follow thy command.”

“This be not an order, but my demand.”

“Rise from thy still structure, and come alive.”

“Hear me now… AND BE REVIVED!”

I shouted the last part of the incantation with great anticipation. Aiming my horn at a nearby broom, a beam of purplish light shot forth, emitting a high-pitched noise similar to metal on metal.I gritted my teeth in irritation, but I couldn’t stop the spell halfway through. I shoved the sensations to the back of my mind and devoted my full attention back onto the spell.

As the beam made contact, the old wooden broom and its’ yellow bristles was engulfed in the beam of bright light. It grew in intensity until I had to shut my eyes in pain. I held the spell aloft for another moment or so until I felt it start to subside by itself. I smirked in triumph. Everything went off without a hitch...

…Or so I thought. When I opened my eyes, the broom was still bathed in residual purple magic. It didn’t moveor anything. It didn’t even take-off and do loop-de-loops around the library, not that that was a bad thing mind you. Was there an error in the spell? Was the spell ITSELF a complicated dud? I sat down with a sigh, running through all the possible reasons the spell failed this time as the magic faded away.

“I don’t get it...I repeated the incantation word for word and I followed the magic scripts to the T… so why isit still not working?”, I said out loud. All that work and all that time wasted for nothing. On second thought, maybe the spell has a built in delay?

Levitating the book onto a nearby table, I took a seat on one of the cushionsbefore sliding my plate with a single butter-coated waffle and strawberries in front of me. I levitated a strawberry and bit into it, savoring the sweet tastefor a moment before swallowing and taking another bite. As I chewed, I read through the book once more, looking for anything I might have missed this time.

Having finished my strawberry, I brought up the waffle to my mouth. As I was about to take a bite, I noticed something in the corner of my right eye. I turned my head and was blinded by a light of some sort. I shaded my eyes with my hoof to discover that the offender was the broom!

I panicked. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Still holding onto my waffle, I tried to run out of the room but the weirdest thing happened. The light seemed to engulf the entire room and by the time I had reached the door, it enclosed me completely.

I couldn’t see anything but white now and I started to feel really lightheaded... and tired-No! I needed to stay awake. If I lose consciousness, who knows what would happen to me! But I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The light was sapping my strength. My legs gave out first and I fell into nothingness, the waffle spinning in front of me as it followed me to oblivion…

XXXXXX

I still can’t believe what happened. The only logical explanation I could think of was that the broom absorbed the spell instead of being affected by it. Then it reflected—or exploded—the spell right back it’s surroundings!

At least I was right that there was a time delay involved.

Still, I’m a living, breathing pony. Did the spell backfire? Was this reversible!? Was I going to be stuck a purple waffle forever!?

“How am I going to get out of this form?!”, I tried to scream with my non-existent mouth.

I wanted to scream, to get somepony to help me but I couldn’t. I had no feasible way to let anypony know I was a stupid waffle! I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I wanted to move SOMETHING! I was going stir crazy and not a minute had passed yet!

“No, no… calm down… You can get through this Twilight, you can get through this… First things first, stop complaining. Yeah, nothing good comes from that. I need to get my bearings straight. If I lose my mind here, I’ll never figure out what to do next. Oh, what would the Princesses do... Okay, take a few deep breaths…”

I took a couple deep breaths for good measure… except that I couldn’t. I didn’t have a mouth or nose let alone lungs. I still took them anyway, holding on to some semblance of life. I was a purple waffle… this stupid circular piece of cooked dough. I felt so helpless and nopony could help me.

“Okay… focus Twilight, focus! I need to figure out my next move… Alright.”

“Okay… first, surroundings…” I’m still in the library from what I could see. I shifted my eyes towards a familiar corner in the room, and I could see that the broom I blasted with my magic was gone, now just a smoking mass of ashes on the floor.

“The spell really was reflected.It even destroyed my last broom. Great, just great…”My main priority was to get out of this… this horrendous excuse for breakfast! That led me to that spell book on the table... which was across the room. I groaned inwardly. I couldn’t even move let alone shuffle across the floor and climb the table. My eyes was the only thing I could move. In fact…

“Am I even using my eyes?” Waffles don’t even have eyes to begin with. They’re inanimate objects only meant for our digestion… Are my eyes on the waffle then? Wait, how am I thinking then? Is my brain inside the waffle itself?

“Ugh… my head…” Trying to contemplate my existence in a waffle was giving me one hay of a headache. It just doesn’t make any sense! I’ve never heard of a pony being turned into an inanimate object before. I need to face the reality of the situation… if this even is real.

I’m stuck.

I have nothing to use to move myself, and I don’t have a single limb on my—

“Oh pony feathers, I sound like a broken record. Am I going to be stuck here for all eternity? Am I going to stale away and let nature determine my fate? Or am I just food for the…”, I shuddered, “roaches and bugs?”

“Twilight, are you in here!?”, came a voice.

It was the voice of my savior! I was saved! I locked my eyes in the direction I heard the voice come from. It was hard to see from my position, but I caught a short glimpse of green fins and purple scales.

“Yes! Spike is here! He can save me! Thank Celestia!”

“Twilight? Twiiilight?”

“Oh please Spike, please see m—NO! Darn it Spike, don’t just walk past me! Why are you walking past me!? Please, look down! Just look down!”

I tracked Spike as he searched the library for me. At least, I tried to track him. I only caught sporadic glimpses as he moved through the house seeing as I couldn’t angle my ‘head’.

“Twilight? Are you home?”

“LOOK DOWN FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA!” It’s unfortunate that I can’t shout out my thoughts verbally, or this would be a less troublesome manner. But alas, I couldn’t. I was gambling my life that he would notice me and work it out for himself.

“Hmm, guess she isn’t here…” Spike started to walk in my direction. I was ecstatic that he was finally coming towards me.

But Fate had other plans in mind.

Yes, he was coming towards me, but it was for a completely different reason. Spike was walking right toward me, but it was as if he didn’t know I was on the floor…

“Oh no… I’m about to be squished! SPIKE! STOP! I CHANGED MY MIND, DON’T COME THIS WAY!” I could only watch in pure terror as Spike’s humongous clawed foot lifted off the ground and swung my way. My life flashed before my eyes. All the good and bad times we all had together and all the times we wouldn’t.

“Goodbye cruel world… I’ve known you so well…!” With his foot closing the gap quickly, I closed my eyes as I said my final prayers, preparing to pass on to wherever ponies went… but the foot never came. No pressure... no pain... nothing. I opened my eyes to find Spike looking down at me questioningly.

“Spike… He didn’t step on me… he saw me just in time! Ohhh Celestia, thank you so muc—“

“Oh wow, a waffle!” Spike picked me up and looked at me, turning me around before brushing something off with his hand. Wait, why is he drooling? Why is his tongue sticking out!?

“I guess Twilight didn’t finish her breakfast… again. Oh well, I’m sure she won’t mind me finishing it off—wait… why is this waffle purple?” Spike brought me up to his eye and examined me closely. What was he doing!? He smiled.

“Oh! Blueberry! My favorite!” I found myself moving towards his now open mouth, his fangs glistening in the light as drool dripped down each one separately.

“ARRGGGHHH!!!” Why is fate so cruel!? What had I done to deserve this!? I was a good pony! I was a great pony! I don’t deserve to go out this way!

“SPIKE! DON’T EAT ME, PLEASE, BY CELESTIA, DON’T EAT ME! I’ll give you all the gems to eat, even the Diamond I was saving to experiment on! JUST DON’T—!”

I couldn’t continue my thoughts any longer. His teeth cut through me with barely any resistance. Pain surged through my mind as my body was torn to shreds. I screamed in pain. Nopony could hear me but I screamed in my mind as loud as I possibly could! Pain flew down nerves that I never knew I had. I could feel every single chomp, every single munch as his teeth tore apart my body and his saliva began to eat at my very core. I couldn’t take it anymore and then I...

XXXXXXX

“AAHHHHH!”

I woke up, thoroughly drenched in sweat, screaming at the top of my lungs and panting as if I had just ran to Canterlot and back nonstop. My eyes darted around the room full of fear and anguish before I startled to settle down.

“Where… am I?” The walls were white, with light green curtains over the window and I had a needle in my arm… there’s a needle in my arm!? I did a double take, my eyes snapped onto the needle and followed the tube running up into a clear bag of fluid above me.

“An IV…?” Am I in the hospital? Wait, my arm… my arm! I looked back at my arm to find that it was my good ol’ pony arm! I arced my head around to look at the rest of my body: Tail, legs, body, and horn were all accounted for.

“Wait a second, I was being eaten, so how am I back to… oh.” Could it have all been a dream? Yes… yes, a dream. Oh thank Celestia it must have been. I started to laugh in relief.

“Oh silly Twilight, heh heh… you’re still your old bookwormy self… Hahaha…” I laid my head back on the hospital pillow with a tiny smile, relieved it was all a dream. Just a figment of my crazy imagination…

At least that’s what I wanted to believe.

I heard the door open and I laid my eyes on... something. I blinked a couple of times, trying to snap myself out of this hallucination. I hastily rubbed my eyes with both hooves to find five... pony-sized waffles, lying in the doorway. They were each a different color; one pink, one blue, one orange, one white, and one yellow waffle. They hopped through the doorway and made their way towards my bed. I shirked away as much as I could until the darnedest thing happened. They spoke.

“Hey there silly waffley! Pinkie Waffle has come to turn that frown upside down!”, said the pink one hyper actively. Was that Pinkie Pie!?

“Oh darling! Are you feeling okay? We found you collapsed in your library. You weren’t responding to anything so we brought you here!”, said the white waffle . Rarity!?

“Heh, I knew you were fine Twi! I got you here in 10 seconds flat when we found you”, the blue waffle said confidently. Rainbow Dash too!?

“Um… I’m glad your okay, Twilight…”, said the yellow waffle in a shy manner. Fluttershy...

“Yep, ah reckon your waffle-y bits are all accounted for. Ah hope there’s something we can do for ya Twilight”, said the orange waffle with a unmistakable southern accent. No... Not Applejack too!

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! This had to be a prank... Yeah! Pinkie and Rainbow are probably behind this!

But... It’s TOO good of a practical joke. I couldn’t detect any magic residue from a spell if they changed into waffles and they looked too much like the real thing for that to be a costume. I don’t understand. This is impossible... Their voices… their manners… they’re… my friends, in waffle form…

I wanted to scream, demanding that they drop the act but it was like I had a frog in my throat. I couldn’t for the life of me even whisper. I guess I was still in shock. I brought a hoof to my chest to calm my heart that was threatening to beat its way out of my chest.

“Why are you all waffles!?”, I managed to say.

The pink one giggled with its mouthless… giggle.

“Oh silly! We’re all waffles! Can’t you see?”

What did she mean by that!? I’m not a waffle anymore! I’m not—what… in Celestia’s name!? I looked down at my body… My purple waffle body… No… NO!

NOOOO!!!!