Lunch Break

by Dubs Rewatcher

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Gilda, Slice of Life
Length: 1743

While eating lunch, Gilda offers Rainbow Dash a taste of the bird she just caught. Rainbow isn't pleased—but she'll be damned if she's just about to let Gilda call her a wuss.

Rainbow Dash and Gilda are alike in many ways. They're both totally awesome at flying. They're both totally hilarious. And, of course, they're the only girls at Junior Speedsters that aren't totally annoying and dumb.

However, Rainbow Dash begins to see how different they truly are when Gilda offers her a taste of the bird she's just caught for lunch. Rainbow Dash doesn't eat other animals, and she knows that Gilda is super gross for doing so—but she'll be damned if she's about to let Gilda think she's a wuss. After all, it's just a stupid bird; what's the worst that can happen?

A short vignette about animals and friendships. Originally written in about an hour for the January /fic/ Write-off, "All In." Rated Teen for some minor grotesque imagery. Thanks to Soge and Bachiavellian for offering some insights.

Published 2015-05-08 22:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-08 22:40:06 UTC

Lunch Break

“That’s a bird,” Rainbow Dash clarified, staring at the bleeding, fidgeting red lump in front of her. She pulled at her mane. “That’s a bird and oh my gosh oh my gosh what are you doing.”

“What does it look like?” Gilda asked, smirking. She grabbed the bird by a wing and picked it up, letting it sway in the wind like a dead leaf. With a grunt, she tossed the bird up into the air. Dash could only stare as Gilda took a step back, opened her beak, and let the body drop into her mouth. She ripped out a chunk, letting a few flecks of blood seep into the cloud around Rainbow’s hooves.

Dash scrambled away from the growing crimson splotches, feeling like her stomach had rotted out. Taking deep breaths, she tried to turn away—yet, she couldn’t help but glance back with wide eyes. “That,” she muttered. There were about ten full breaths before she continued. “That’s gross. Like, really gross. You’re gross.”

“Yeah, but at least I’m full.” Gilda tossed the carcass to the side, letting it tumble into the clouds, where it sank a bit before stopping. Dash took a quick step back from the carcass, earning a snicker from Gilda. “Jeez, Dash. Didn’t know you were such a little priss.”

“I’m not!” Rainbow yelped. She did a double-take at the mangled bird before turning around and pouting. “You’re just freakin’ gross. Who the hay eats actual birds?”

“Uh, griffons? Who eats fried hay?”

“Anypony that’s not a weirdo!”

Gilda rolled her eyes. “Great. So I’m just a weirdo to you, too?”

“Wha…? No, G, that’s not what I meant.” Dash rubbed her leg. “Ponies just don’t eat meat! We’re veterinarians, or whatever—all we eat is plants. ‘Cuz, like, birds are basically stupider pegasi. When you eat a bird, it’s kinda like you’re eating a pony. And that’s not cool.”

“But what about that rabbit I ate last week?” Gilda snapped, cheeks a bright pink. “You were just as ticked then.”

“Well, it’s still an animal!”

“Who cares if it’s an animal? It’s food! It’s what griffons eat!”

“Yeah, well, maybe if you actually tried some hayfries, you would like them!” Dash shouted, flaring her wings. “And then you wouldn’t have to be so gross!”

Gilda took a step forward. “You’re gross!”

Rainbow followed. “No, you!”

Their faces were nearly touching now. They both growled before spinning away, muttering the worst curse words they knew—real and made-up—under their breath. Rainbow had just called Gilda a “snootlumper” when she realized that a new sound had filled the air: laughter. She turned, only to find Gilda giggling into her claws.

Rainbow forced herself to keep frowning. “What’s so funny?”

Gilda stifled her laughter with a claw. “No, no, it’s just—I’ve tried hayfries, and I think they’re disgusting. But have you ever tried meat?”

Dash snort-laughed, but it soon faded when she saw Gilda’s grin. She took a step back, eyes flying between Gilda and the bloody lump. “I don’t eat animals.”

“Maybe if you actually tried one, you would actually like it!” Gilda sang. Her grin somehow grew bigger. “C’mon. You want some?”

“No. That’s gross.”

Gilda picked a piece of flesh off the bird. Gilda opened her talon and held it out to Dash.

“Seriously, G, this is stupid. I don’t want any meat,” Rainbow said, staring at the scrap. She took a few long, heavy breaths before flicking a glance at Gilda. “Do… Do you think I should?”

“I don’t think anything,” Gilda said, shrugging. “All I’m saying is that it’s kinda weird that you won’t even try meat. That’s, like, Fluttershy levels of wuss.”

“I’m not a wuss,” Rainbow grumbled, ears going flat. She gazed at the piece of meat and opened her mouth to say something else—but all she could manage was, “Okay.”

With a gulp, she reached out and took the piece in her hoof. She opened her mouth, but spent the next few moments just flipping it from hoof-to-hoof. Then, praying to Celestia, to the Windigoes, to whatever deity would listen to a stupid filly like her, she threw it into her mouth.

Eyes clenched, Dash let it sit on the back of her tongue before touching it with her teeth. The meat was slimy and bitter, and seemed to roll around her mouth like a lump of sludge. She held her breath as she swallowed, but the flavor still rippled along her tongue, as if it were the shockwave from an explosion. She gagged as it slid down her throat.

Bird. You just ate a bird.

She could feel all of her senses revolting. It was biological martial law as the chunk of meat hit her stomach, sending jolts of nausea screeching through her veins.

Meat. You just ate an animal. Dash’s vision was a swirling mix of colors, pocked with black blobs. I just ate a bird. I just ate a bird.

“You actually did it?” Gilda chuckled—but as she watched Dash, who was doubled over, eyes wide, she only grew louder. Gilda let out a booming guffaw and tumbled over to her side, grasping at her stomach. “Bwa ha ha! I can’t believe you actually ate it!”

Rainbow could feel a familiar heat rising in her cheeks as Gilda rolled around, pointing at her and laughing. She tried to shake her head, but that just brought on another wave of dizziness. “Gilda, stop...”

“Holy hay, this is just... ha ha! Hey, everybody!” Gilda yelped to the barren cloudscape that surrounded them. “Rainbow Dash just ate meat! This freakin’ pegasus just ate an actual bird!”

“Shut up!” Dash squeaked, throwing a punch at Gilda’s shoulder and missing. With a hitched breath, she turned away and laid her head down on the cloud. “Just shut up, okay?”

It took Gilda a few moments to stifle her laughter, but when she looked at Rainbow’s deep frown, all she could do was scowl. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Rainbow said. It was as if the bird was still alive, fluttering around her stomach. She closed her eyes. “It’s just... Why’d you have to go and kill a stupid bird?”

“Because I was hungry? Duh.”

“But, like, what did it ever do to you?”

“Nothing? It’s a bird; all they do is sing. Well, and get eaten,” Gilda added with a nod. She glanced back down at Rainbow, who was shuddering. “If you’re gonna vomit, go somewhere else. I don’t need to see that.”

“You’re so gross,” Rainbow muttered again. She tried to lift herself up again. “Eating birds is stupid. Birds are... cool.”

“Then why’d you eat one?”

“Because you made me!” Rainbow yelped, spinning around and pushing Gilda.

“I didn’t make you do anything,” Gilda said. She punctuated her sentence with a rough shove, which sent Rainbow to her rump. “You wanted to eat it because you’re a little pegasus weirdo!”

“I’m not a weirdo!” Rainbow screamed. It felt like her eyes were being stung with nettles. She took a step back and threw her gaze back to the carcass, sputtering, “But my dad says that you shouldn’t hurt animals, and I just ate one, and my stomach hurts, and oh my gosh oh my gosh...”

“Are you seriously gonna start crying over a stupid dead bird?”

“I’m not crying!” Rainbow said, rubbing her eyes and sinking into the cloud. “And that bird wasn’t stupid.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

The two sat like that for a minute, being crushed by the silence. From her spot, muzzle buried in the cloud, Rainbow held back the whimpers she could feel rising in her throat. Only stupid, wimpy fillies like Fluttershy cried, and even that was only when you made fun of their weird long legs. But her entire body felt slimy, and achey, and awful, and it made her want to go home and not have to come back to Junior Speedsters ever again.

She could see through the cloud, all the way to the ground below. She flinched as two vibrant bluebirds flew just under them, looping through the air and chittering to one another just like fillies. With a shudder, she remembered that one of them was laying in her stomach. She clenched her eyes shut.

Rainbow was broken out of her stupor by a growl from Gilda. “C’mon, Dash. Get up and stop acting like a baby.”

“I’m not,” Rainbow muttered. She didn’t move.

”Ugh, you’re being such a little priss!” Gilda crossed her arms. “Would you just stop crying? I’m sorry about killing the dumb bird, okay?”

Rainbow finally lifted her head. She took a single glance at Gilda’s narrowed eyes and shook her head. “No, you’re not.”

“Okay, yeah, I’m not. But you crying isn’t gonna make birds taste less awesome, so stop it.” She offered Rainbow a talon, which the filly stared at before accepting and rising to her hooves. Gilda rolled her eyes and turned away. “This is so stupid. I can’t believe you actually started crying.”

Rainbow didn’t answer, but just looked down at her hooves.

Gilda sighed. “And, y’know, normally I wouldn’t care. But you’re my friend, Dash, and I don’t wanna keep having to see you throw up whenever I eat. So why don’t we just stop having lunch together?”

“But we always have lunch together!” Rainbow said.

“Yeah, and you always get mad at me for eating meat. So why don’t we stop? You don’t have to watch me kill birds, and I don’t have to listen to you whine. Okay? Does that make you feel better?”

No.

“I guess,” Rainbow said, kicking a hoof. “But who am I supposed to eat with, then? Everypony else is so annoying and dumb...”

“I don’t know,” Gilda muttered. “I think I heard Dizzy Twister talking about that band you like... the Colt Kickers or something?”

“The Colt Killers? Really?” Rainbow allowed herself a small smile. “Huh. Maybe she’s cooler than I thought.”

“Nah. She’s probably just one of those fanfillies who only likes them ‘cuz they’re hot.”

Rainbow frowned. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Gilda walked to the edge of the cloud and spread her wings, prompting Rainbow to do the same. As soon as they had jumped into the air, Gilda turned to Rainbow and smirked. “Race you back to camp?”

Rainbow grinned, not showing any sign that the slime was still covering her body. “You’re on.”

The two sped off, leaving the carcass behind.