The dream eased its way to the forefront of Discord's subconscious. It had the usual randomness that our dreams often have - a giraffe appeared in the middle of the road and turned into an old crone with foreboding tales for anyone who continued on the path. Discord's feet moved of their own accord, ever forward. Colts were growing on the trees like pendulous fruit in their membrane sacs. He could hear their muffled whinnies. He was no stranger to animal-bearing trees. In fact, he wasn't quite sure if this were dream or a memory of his days ruling Equestria. He sighed contentedly and picked a flower from the path with his left paw and chuckled as a pollen volcano erupted from its centre. This was either an amazing memory or great inspiration! He made a note to write it all down as soon as he woke up. He put down the flower and watched it scuttle away. It was then that he noticed his arm was wrong.
He stared at the lion paw in front of him: a mirror-image of that which looked so familiar. He raised his right claw for inspection, assuming his eagle and lion parts had swapped. There, before his eyes, was a lion's paw with unsheathed claws. He shrieked and slowly looked down at his legs: his two matching goat legs! He roared and the night closed in around the path. If your eyes dilate in tandem, as mine do, it's hard to comprehend just how strange a sensation that is for a being who is used to seeing better in the dark with one eye than the other. He could feel the symmetry crawling through his visual cortex, mocking him. Discord licked his lips nervously, snagging his tongue on two pointy fangs. He froze, his body rigid. He didn't dare do anything that would confirm his deepest fears. He didn't want matching antlers or matching horns! The thought of his glorious head adorned in such a vulgar manner made him feel sick. His wings beat briefly, just enough to hear the whump of pegasus feathers on either side.
Discord woke with a start, hugging his reptilian foot like a security blanket and gasping for breath. Why had his subconscious mind played such an evil trick on him? It had all started so well and then... unspeakable mundanity!
"It's alright Discord, you just had a bad dream," the soothing words formed somewhere near his chest, so familiar yet barely audible over the chattering of his teeth. He felt soft, warm nostrils breathing against his fur and he leaned in against the solid strength of Fluttershy. "You're safe, you're safe," she kept repeating.
Discord's tension gave in to her directed movements as she steered him towards the teapot, already boiling. Why did it comfort him so much? He put a talon on her hoof as she reached to pour it.
"Allow me," he clicked and the cups filled in an instant.
Fluttershy laughed softly. She smelled cinnamon and knew full well that she hadn't put any in it. She held out his cup steadily and he drank deep through a suddenly-materialised crazy straw. His comedic riffs were usually indicative of his feeling better, or of him putting on a brave face. She hoped it was the former.
Once the tea was all gone, she broached the subject. "What was your dream about?"
He looked at her horrified, as though somebody had made two of her and held a gun to her head and asked him to choose. How could he tell this beautiful, symmetrical creature that he had been shaken to his core by the thought of being more like her?! His ears sagged dejectedly. "I..."
"You don't have to tell me," she said.
"I don't... remember," he lied. He was going to say that he didn't want to tell her but that would've been a much greater lie. He physically couldn't tell her, the knot of fear that he might lose her wouldn't let him.
Fluttershy patted his shoulder, "it's alright."
No, it isn't! "I need some fresh air." He got up.
"Want some company?" She asked.
Yes but... "No... thanks. I won't be long."
Fluttershy watched him go. She wondered if she was being incredibly selfish keeping him around her when she couldn't really help him when he needed it the most. If only he could find others of his kind. Other Draconequis who understood him. She had never seen another creature like him anywhere and all of Twilight's books concluded that there were no others. She hoped they were wrong.
It wasn't long before Discord stumbled upon Pinkie Pie. Discord was in no mood to stop and chat but Pinkie Pie never let that stop her.
"Good morning! Welcome to my piece of the path."
"What makes it yours?" Discord liked Pinkie Pie, she wasn't as judgmental as some of the others.
"It's where I'm running my business!"
"Your... Business?" Discord grinned despite his foul mood. "
"Yes, I'm selling shares in lemonade futures!"
Discord blinked.
"You invest in the idea that the lemonade sold here next week will go up in price and, if you're right, you make a return on your investment. If you're wrong, you don't." Pinkie Pie beamed.
Discord tried to shake the information out of his ears as though it were anathema. "Why not just sell lemonade?!"
"Where's the fun in that?!" Pinkie Pie slammed her hooves down and laughed.
"I think you've been reading too much Charlie Bray," Discord scolded and clicked his fingers. A wooden shack with a sign above it reading "The Doctor is in" materialised around Pinkie Pie, along with a Doctor's outfit and stethoscope for good measure.
"I'm glad you stayed, it's never dull when you're here," she chuckled. "Now, what's with the longer face Mister?" She peered over imaginary spectacles, which Discord obligingly added for her.
"Oh, nothing worth worrying yourself over. I've just not had the most restful of nights is all." Discord couldn't quite believe he was opening up to her of all ponies. He checked his temperature.
"Discord, look at me. Look at me! Do I look like someone who worries herself over things? Hmm? No, well you hop onto this couch here," she patted the air in front of her, "and let's see if we can't get you fixed!"
Discord rolled his eyes but he made a psychiatrist's couch and flumped himself down onto it all the same. "Anything to get you off lemonade futures."
"Right! What's keeping you from sleeping?" She opened a new page in her imaginary notepad and stared at him quizzically."
He recounted the dream in detail. When he had finished, she paused thoughtfully.
"Have you considered the phallic nature of the lion paw and the possible symbolism of that?"
"Thank you, Sigmane Freud! If you have seen anyone with a lion paw shape down there I suggest they seek medical attention immediately." He lay back on the couch. "I knew this was a stupid idea... Why now? Why not thousands of years ago?" Discord asked rhetorically.
"Alright," Pinkie Pie continued, unphased, "what about family issues? Have you ever wanted to kill or marry a parent?"
"What family?" Discord growled.
"Maybe that's it. Maybe in the absence of a parental role model to put things in perspective you have developed an unhealthy attachment to your appearance. Perhaps..."
"Do I resemble Rarity to you? She has family too, doesn't she? That's obviously not it. Next."
"How would you describe yourself?"
"Spectacular," came the immediate reply.
"Rehearsed?" Pinkie Pie chewed the end of her imaginary pen. Discord opened one irritated eye and glared at her. "Grumpy," she wrote out loud.
"You've seen my work. Does it look rehearsed? I'm essentially riding the crest of my imagination out there."
"Yes! I've got it!" Pinkie Pie cried, causing Discord to fall off his chair. "Until recently you never had to control your powers. Now you're trying desperately to control everything, for fear of the chaos tearing its way out. You are a recently-made control freak and it's manifesting in your dreams!"
Discord shifted uncomfortably and tried to change the subject, "I'm not sure 'control freak' is something a Doctor is supposed to call her patient."
"Oh shush," she whacked him on the head. "Doctor-patient confidentiality prohibits me from calling you a control freak to anyone outside this 'room'."
"Ri...ight, I'm not sure you're supposed to say it inside either. Just saying."
"I'm right though, right? That's it, isn't it? You're bottling so much up that it needs an escape and your dreams are the only place that can happen... yes?"
"Why would it manifest as symmetry? Surely my 'trapped inner chaos' would vent as pure chaos dreams. I've had those a lot recently, where I wake up sweaty, exhausted and happy. Why not continue like that?"
Pinkie Pie sagged momentarily, then recovered and raised her hoof dramatically. "Unless the symmetry represents the death of who you are due to trying to suppress the chaos! What is the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony without chaos? Living with Kindness too! Sounds harmonious to me. Is that it, Discord? Are you worried that living with Fluttershy is slowly killing you?"
Discord's colours changed to match the pattern of the couch. One pupil shrank down to a tiny point while the other grew wide like a saucer.
Pinkie Pie clapped her hooves and pranced happily. "That was so much fun! Now let's play dominos!"
"Um... Maybe later; gotta go," Discord mumbled and flew off.
Pinkie Pie shrugged and set off to ambush Twilight while she was reading.
Zecora, the elder zebra of the forest, had just finished arranging her wall hangings when the Discord tornado burst through her door.
"A favour request is soon I fear; the being of chaos is drawing near. If chaos itself would hope to ask; not trashing my home is its only task!" Zecora frowned at the bedraggled ancient before her.
"You gotta help me!" Discord insisted, dispensing with the formalities.
"A mighty soul with unmeasured power; turns to me in his dark hour?" Humour glinted in Zecora's eyes.
Discord grabbed her stripy shoulders firmly.
"Zecora, I know you love to rhyme;
It grates against my brain so, at this time;
If I must, you'll find I will oblige;
But don't assume I'll thank you, or forgive;
Oh zebra, it's torture that you give;"
Zecora stepped back and glared at Discord. "Speak candidly, I shall try too."
"Thank you wise one, thank you!" Discord sighed with relief, "I need you to brew one of your remedies for me. Something to ward off... symmetry."
The old zebra raised an eyebrow. "A curious curse that plagues so few."
"I don't care if it's an unpopular problem, I just need you to fix it for me! I don't plan on selling the surplus. Can you do it?"
Zecora shook her head.
"Then I need something that will stop me sleeping. I can't have that dream again!"
"The dream that chaos fears is great."
"Thank you for captioning my pain. Can you help me or not? I'm running out of ways to control this thing."
"Control is not the only state. This problem will not go away;"
Discord regarded Zecora suspiciously. "You can't help yourself, can you?"
"Surrender. It's the only way," she winked.
“Surrender to what, exactly? To becoming something other than chaos and disharmony? Surrender to becoming something I don’t even recognise as me anymore?”
“Chaos you will always be; There’s a reason you came to me. You sought me out for herbal brews; to push away your recent blues. This puzzle can’t be fought alone; for Discord to become whole tone. I give you this, my seeing brew; to coax the answer out of you.” Zecora held out a small bottle of acrid-smelling liquid.
Discord picked himself up off the floor and took it. “Thank you, wise one. I drink this, yes? –please just nod or shake your head, I can’t take any more.”
Zecora nodded. Discord flew out as fast as his wings would carry him.
Discord stopped flying at the foot of one of the Crystal Mountains. He stared up at the vast wall of glittering stone before him and understood why his instincts had chosen here. He had no idea what effect the zebra’s concoction would have on him but he knew the strength of his own magic and most things could be ruined by it. If his chaos started firing out of his control, the mountain could absorb it with very little consequence to anyone else. He took a deep breath, then gulped back the potion in one go. The effects were immediate. He put the bottle down and watched his eagle talon leaving trails in the air. Discord sat down on the stony ground and watched the trails streaking by as he waved his talon back and forth in front of his eyes. He must have sat there for at least an hour, transfixed. A rabbit hopped past and stopped to watch him. The rabbit also saw the stream of eagle talons winking in and out of existence as Discord’s hands moved. Hallucinogens are less optical illusion when Discord’s around.
The rabbit bolted when it heard the stampede of foals galloping upside down across the sky above him. Discord ducked as manes whipped past his face and crawled closer to the rocks. He found an amethyst cave to crawl into and peered at the foals from the many-faceted reflections in the crystals. The rabbit saw the foals burst into a shower of purple diamonds, shining and spinning in the air before they fell to the ground and vanished. He hopped after the Draconequus, who was now crawling up the mountainside. He hoped there would soon be a cabbage-related hallucination.
Discord was struggling to breathe. The air was too thick and his mind was all foggy. He dragged himself on his belly, shedding feathers and scales like a snail decorating a Bowerbird’s nest. Surely altitude must be the answer. The air would be thinner up there, he rationalised as he hauled himself upward stone by stone. He didn’t trust his wings. He briefly tried flying to the top but he had lost all sense of balance and ended up hugging the ground even more tightly. The rabbit had long since given up due to queasiness and the occasional owl that had materialised out of the jutting rock shapes along the way. Discord stopped when he reached one of the peaks and looked down into the chasm below. He couldn’t see how far up he had come because the clouds beneath him obscured his view. It was getting late and the sun was low in the sky behind him. He stared into the mist, his eyes transfixed by a halo of light hanging in mid-air. In the middle of the light, a giant silhouette of a Draconequus staring back at him. The figure walked towards him, growing smaller as it approached. By the time it reached him, it was the same size as he was. This was no stranger looking at him. This was the face he saw every time he stopped at a lake and took a drink, except fewer ripples disturbed his surface. The other Discord extended his paw. Discord reached out to meet him, their pads touching. He was real, tangible. He tried to hug himself, but found himself with arms outstretched, touching nose palms and chest with the other Discord. They frowned. This wasn’t the amazing reunion with his own kind that he had hoped it would be. How would having a living reflection be long-term? Would it fly backwards in front of him wherever he went, or was it intrinsically tied to this place as the point of reflection? Would he have to be careful when he did things now that the other Discord would be doing them too, an equidistant number of miles away from this crystal mountain? He tried to hit it – his claws glancing off its claws. He threw his chaos magic at it, intending for it to change physically into something else. Perhaps if it looked different, it would act different and stop shadowing his movements. The other Discord threw the same spell and both of them wound up fuming at each other, looking like Saiga Antelopes. The Discords changed themselves back to ‘normal’ and collapsed in exhaustion, forehead to forehead.
“Wake up Discord, it’s alright,” Fluttershy’s voice pervaded his dreaming mind.
He opened an eye and focussed on her. “What happened?” They were still on the mountaintop so he clearly hadn’t dreamt the whole thing.
“The rabbit helped me find you,” Fluttershy smiled. The rabbit peered out from behind her flanks, his smug face frantically chewing a fresh cabbage leaf.
“Where… where is me?” Discord looked around. The reflection was nowhere in sight.
“You’re at the summit of the crystal mountains,” she said, writing off his unusual phrasing as fatigue.
“No, no! The other Draconequus!”
“You saw another?” Fluttershy could barely contain her excitement. “Tell me everything! What did it look like? Was it male or female? Was it full-grown or juvenile? Do you all have the same limbs of other animals or are you all different? Is this mountain where your species originated? How did you find them? Were they hostile or…”
Discord closed his eyes and lay his head back against the rocks. “It wasn’t like that. I’ll explain later once I have a cup of tea in me. Can we go home now?”
And so they made their way back down the mountain. The Spirit of Chaos nestled in the crook of the Element of Kindness’ wing. Discord had often wondered why she had wings when she lived her life so exclusively in the manner of an Earth Pony. He wasn’t complaining of course – her wings were beautiful and soft but they seemed so redundant to her lifestyle – until now when he needed their support as they walked. Now he couldn’t imagine her even being Kindness without them. These extra appendages that she only ever used when others needed them. He was glad the reflection was gone. More trouble than it was worth.
He pondered the meaning of the hallucinations as they plodded along in silence. Zecora had said that he couldn’t solve the problem alone and he had at first thought that the other Discord was the one who would make him complete – symmetrical together, yet both asymmetric apart. Now he wasn’t so sure. Most other creatures are symmetrical by nature and seek symmetry but he had never been so. He wasn’t so now and was in no risk of becoming so now. He had never gravitated to those like himself because there were no others like him. He sought out the ones least like him. Looking at the lovely Pegasus walking alongside him now, he realised that choosing her was the most asymmetrical thing he could do. She was shy, quiet, selfless, symmetrical, ... everything he wasn't. Discord wasn't dying, slowly or otherwise, he was being himself to the full.
