Unnatural Existence

by ShadowKirby

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Drama, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 9801

Pinkamena struggles for happiness, while having to take turns with Pinkie Pie for who is in control.

Imagine being stuck in the mind of a pony that you can't stand and is the exact opposite of you.
Now imagine having your life torn away from you, and you've just gotten it back; only to face just as many hardships as before.
And then imagine you were just told you technically shouldn't even exist.
That's my life.

This story is a sequel to Caged Inside, but is written in a way that it's not necessary to read it first.

Published 2015-05-08 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-12 04:43:15 UTC

Unnatural Existence

I mentally sighed as Pinkie Pie bounded around the bakery, throwing the sugary snacks they sold around the room with perfect accuracy, every single one landing on a table.

I would've rolled my eyes too, but they were currently under the control of the aforementioned pink pony.

'Why do you always have to bounce around whenever you do anything?' I asked her, mostly for the sake of actually doing anything other than just watching.

While outwardly she hummed and continued serving customers, she responded in her mind to me.

'Because just walking would be boring!' was her cheerful response.

'I expected you to say something like that...'

My name is Pinkamena, and I just so happen to have to share the same body with Pinkie Pie, a similar looking pony with a completely opposite personality from me.

Right now she was in control, since it was time for her day job.

No way was I wasting my time working in a bakery, I had absolutely no interest in that. Good thing for me I didn't have to, since I could just trade off with Pinkie; bad thing for me because I had to just watch, bored, while she did it.
It was a good thing I'd spent my entire life up until recently living in boredom, I suppose. Now the moments of monotony when it was her turn to have control weren't unbearable for me.

Too bad the same couldn't be said for her; she got antsy if I started having fun and she couldn't participate.

'Would you look at the clock for me?' At the very least I could still try and get her to do what I wanted but couldn't do.

"Sure!" She bounded over to the clock and stared up at it intensely.

'Pinkie...I didn't need you to drop everything you were doing and stare at it.'

"I'm just trying to be considerate, silly! It wasn't hard to do!"

'Yes, but now everyone is staring at you...' She blinked and turned around to see customers at the tables staring at her weirdly.

"Oh...oops!" was the giggle filled response, making me groan in annoyance. At least the ponies of Ponyville were used to her weird behaviour, so it only took a few seconds for it to be shrugged off as unexplainable.

Bouncing back into the kitchen I went back to the train of thought I had originally and pulled up a mental image of what the clock had looked like.
Hey, years of being unable to do anything but observe made things like that easy for me.
With that image in mind I instinctively attempted to breathe a sigh of relief. Her shift was almost over.

Outside my train of thought, Pinkie had grabbed a pie to throw to another table, when the front door opened with a jingle and a crash sound.

"Pinkie Pie!" a strangely excited and all too familiar voice said loudly as the door slammed against the wall.

Pinkie turned mid-throw and let the pie loose by accident at the interruption.

*SPLAT*

Eyes turned towards the door, to witness a sight that was both sad and downright hilarious.
A purple unicorn was standing in the doorway with a book on her head and a face covered in pie that was dripping onto the floor.

I laughed uncontrollably. It's much harder to hold in thoughts than your actual voice, you see.

Twilight Sparkle seemed unperturbed by the sudden assault of food and just shook it off, sending bits of the dessert flying around the room and causing complaints from onlookers.

"Pinkie!" She dashed up towards the pony mentioned with a huge and admittedly creepy grin. I knew what that look meant all too well.

"Hiya Twilight!" Pinkie Pie smiled at her friend, not even commenting on the weirdness of the situation.

"Pinkie! Pinkamena! I found out all about your problem!" She seemed out of breath.

"Really?" Twilight received an inquisitive head tilt from Pinkie.

"Yeah! And you're never gonna believe it! It can even be solved!" Her voice was brimming with excitement and her eyes shined. "You'll give me your full co-operation, right?"

"Oh. Um..." Pinkie looked to the right, away from Twilight, and all of a sudden I found myself in control of our body. I stumbled a bit before I regained my balance, having not expected to need to keep myself up so suddenly.

Many ponies in the store stared at me with awe and interest while I tried to hide behind my now straight mane.
I didn't like being the center of attention.

Explanations of mine and Pinkie's situation was spread very quickly, once I had finally been noticed, so as to avoid all the questioning that kept happening. Still, it wasn't like many ponies in town had actually seen us swap places before, so their reaction was understandable.

"Pinkie...don't do that..." I mumbled under my breath.

'Sorry!'

She was so chipper all the time. It was painful sometimes.

"Pinkamena?"

Remembering Twilight, I looked back at her and motioned to the entrance to the kitchen situated right next to me, and entered it myself quickly to get out of the spotlight.

She followed quickly, practically bumping into me.

"So? Will you?" Her huge, unnerving grin was still there, constantly freaking me out. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. Based on past experiences, I wasn't sure I trusted her.

"That depends. I'm not promising anything without proper details." My eyes narrowed and I stared intensely at her to get my point across.

"Oh, fine!" She huffed. I could tell she hadn't really wanted to have to explain things to me. That made me even more cautious.

Good thing Pinkie wasn't the one dealing with this, she'd say yes right away. She could be so naive and irresponsible sometimes.

'Heeey! I'm not irresponsible!' I knew she'd be pouting as she said that if she could.

''Yes you are.' I wasn't afraid to say it to her. Blunt and to the point was all anyone should be. Why bother with unnecessary words?

"I found out that...well, the two of you...technically, neither of you should exist." I could hear the reluctance in her voice.

"What do you mean?" I stated flatly while Pinkie listed off a bunch of worries and confusion which I pushed to the back of my mind.

"Well..." She paused. "The rainboom caused an emotional one-eighty for you. Dreary, dull, unhappy, straight to cheerful, super happy ball of energy."

I gave her a bored expression. "And?"

"And so when the rainboom hit you, instead of your emotions safely transitioning, they split into two alternate personalities!"

I stared. I had assumed something like that had happened, but the fact that we were supposed to be together, as an 'in-the-middle' of the two of us was news to me, and...a bit off putting.

"We're...the same pony? Entirely?"I asked rhetorically with hesitation.

"Well...to put it in simple terms, yes." was her response. "But, uh," she quickly switched her voice back to cheerful and excited, huge creepy grin having returned. "you two can be put back together! There's a spell some unicorns can do that is used to mend split personalities." She paused and looked away before turning back to me.

"But, uh, it doesn't always work depending on the situation, and generally only highly advanced experts in the medical field can do it..."

I gave her a blank look. "Why are you telling me all this?" I honestly wasn't sure. Did she seriously think I'd want to do that? Even if it was properly possible?

She gave me a bewildered look. "Because the two of you can both be in control at the same time this way!" Her voice dropped. "Isn't that what you want?"

I sighed and shook my head, turning away from her. "If you really think I want to just...give myself up, then you're wrong."

A bell rang. "Thanks for the information, Twilight, but if you haven't noticed it's still working hours. I'd appreciate it if you left."

I felt Pinkie trying to take control as she wanted to go help the customer, but I wasn't letting her out until Twilight was gone. I just knew she'd do something to complicate the situation more.

'Heeeey!'

I rolled my eyes.

A sigh came from behind me.

"Alright. See you later, Pinkamena, Pinkie." The purple unicorn brushed past me and headed out from the bakery.

'C'moooon Pinkamena! There are poor, hungry ponies out there! It's not even your turn until after work!'

'You're the one who suddenly gave me control out of nowhere.' I sighed and let my limbs go limp, trying to retreat into my mind and stop control. And just like that, all attempts to send commands to my body failed, as my straight hair poofed up indicating Pinkie's control.

After a couple weeks of constantly swapping, it had become much easier to do than it had been at first. It used to take a large amount of focus, but not anymore.

Honestly, I was a bit glad to retreat into my thoughts alone and let Pinkie take over. It'd make it easier to be able to just think about what Twilight had said to me, as it certainly gave me a lot to think about.

"Sorry for the wait, everypony!" Pinkie yelled cheerfully as she hopped out into the main room again, ready to continue her job.

Since I was the one trapped in 'our' mind, I could hear her thoughts while she couldn't hear mine.
She happened to be trying to not focus on Twilight's words and just focus on her happy tasks.

'The opposite of me...'

I spent the rest of her shift thinking about the facts I had learned. It unnerved me, to say the least.

Imagine just being told that you technically shouldn't exist!

If me and Pinkie somehow joined together again, would I still be me?

I would've shaken my head if I could. None of it mattered, anyways. It wouldn't even really be possible even if I did want it, so why bother thinking about it?

Satisfied with my conclusion, I waited patiently until Pinkie's shift was finally over, to take my turn for some actual enjoyment.

Anxiety

'My turn, Pinkie!' I demanded as soon as the clock struck four in the afternoon, signifying the end of her shift at the bakery.

"Okie dokie loki!"

Gosh her cheerfulness was painful...

A few seconds later my nerves actually connected to my mind once again and my hair went flat, indicating my control.
Thank goodness, too, as that curly mess of a mane was just hideous to me; straight hair was the way to go, I don't care who you are.

'Hey! That's not very nice! Besides, I think my mane is great!'

'Of course you would...' I rolled my eyes.

Taking a deep breath and stretching a bit at the simple enjoyment of movement for a moment, I grinned in excitement at the prospect of the day ahead of me.

'My turn now!'

Pushing open the door to the now empty bakery with the usual jingle sound, I headed outdoors and quickly trotted along the dirt road to the outskirts of town.

My control was time for quiet. Another positive to my turn wasn't just that I could do as I pleased; it was that I couldn't constantly hear Pinkie's racing thoughts. Of course, she could hear mine, and that invasion of privacy was frustrating, but it was only one con among a pile of pros.

It seemed no ponies were around this end of town, which I was grateful for. The less others there were nearby the more comfortable I felt.

My destination happened to be a small hill on the outskirts of Ponyville. No one usually went there, so it was a great place to just relax and enjoy quiet.

However, at this time of day, I was going there for another reason as well.

It was a Thursday. And every Thursday after Pinkie's shift was over, I would head to this hill to play a game Rainbow Dash and I developed.

Reaching the base of the hill, I looked up to see the cyan pegasus already setting our little game up. And so I quickly ran up the grassy hill, reaching the top in seconds, and sitting down at the highest point.

And without a word said, our game began.

Rainbow Dash would always have a bunch of clouds with her, and she would arrange them into shapes, which I had to try and guess what she had made out of them.

She'd try her best to leave me clueless, and I'd try my best to figure it out every time.

She was a competitive pony, and I was a quiet one. Who knew that we could possibly get along so well, just by finding an activity that fit into both of our interests?
____________________________________________________

"I WIN!"

I quickly lowered my ears at the sudden assault of noise and glared up at the source, who gave me an apologetic look in response.

Shaking my head, I smiled up at her and got up, turning around and heading down the hill.
I couldn't blame her for being herself, I suppose. It was impressive she managed to hold herself back as much as she did in the first place.

On the same note, I was still constantly surprised by Pinkie Pie's ability to stay silent if she needed to. When I was enjoying a quiet activity like that one, she somehow managed to stay silent. Which I had learned was all because she wanted me to smile!

I trotted back into town with a content smile on my face. My situation in life was tough, but moments like these made it all bearable.

'Aww, you're welcome, 'Mena!"

My smile twitched a bit but remained. I really didn't like that nickname she had started using for me. Sure, Pinkamena was a bit of a mouthful at times, but she was speaking in thoughts for crying out loud!

'Don't be that way, 'Mena! I only give nicknames to my cloooosest friends!'

Me and her. Friends.

My mind went back to what Twilight said earlier. If we were technically the same pony, how exactly could friendship apply? Even so, she got on my nerves so much and put so much pressure on life that I more considered her something to live with, not enjoy.

'C'mon, you don't really mean that!'

'Yes, I do.' She never listened to me when I was serious.

I trotted at a decently fast pace as I entered the marketplace. I unfortunately needed to pass through the busiest part of town if I wanted to get to Fluttershy's cottage in the least amount of time, which i didn't like.

Stares were glued to me very quickly.

I leaned down low and let my magenta mane fall in my face to hide it. Any sort of comfort was good.

I couldn't stand being the center of attention like this! I wasn't used to it, and it unnerved me.

An irrational fear, I know, but in my entire life the only ponies I had ever communicated with up until recently was my family, and even then, we didn't talk much. I hadn't had any interactions or even movement for ten years, so needless to say I think I had a good excuse for feeling this way.

Unfortunately the townsponies also had a good excuse for ogling me.

I was an anomaly. They had all lived with Pinkie Pie for years, and suddenly here I was! How many other ponies had two personalities, both fully conscious as separate entities?

Probably none.

'So I suppose there is one downside to having a straight mane....'

A perfect visual aid to tell that it's me, the anomaly, the unnaturally existing pony.

Too bad I had to come after. Pinkie and I were equally unnatural.

I quickly tried to stay in the shadows, hiding behind my mane even though it didn't actually help. Stealth was near impossible with such a bright coloured coat.

At least after a couple minutes I finally got through the busiest part of town, and immediately flat out sprinted for Fluttershy's cottage.

She'd understand my plight.

She always did.
____________________________________________________
I breathed a sigh of relief as the small cottage at the end of the winding dirt path came into view.

It symbolized safety, happiness, and relaxation for me, all of which I gladly welcomed.

And I was gladly welcomed by the shy yellow pegasus when I knocked on the door, being led inside to the green couch in her living room.

I quickly took a seat and sighed, smiling. Comfort. I was in a familiar place, with a familiar pony, with quiet, and I wasn't crowded.

Fluttershy came back into the room with a cup of tea for herself and sat down on a chair she had pulled up across from me. She knew at this point I wasn't a fan of the hot drink, so she just made some for herself.

I got the feeling she, in a way, enjoyed spending time with me more than any of her other friends sometimes, just because I was quiet like her.

Although now was a time where I needed to speak up.

"What do I do, Fluttershy?"

She looked at me inquisitively. "About what?"

"About all the ponies staring at me! It freaks me out!" I said in an almost panicked voice. She suffered from the same anxieties, right? Maybe she knew something to help!

"Ponies stare at you?" She asked, obviously wanting to know why they would do that.

I sighed and looked down. "Because I'm not normal. I'm some strange...thing, to them! Like I'm a part of a shattered mind or something, and I'm just part of the weirdness that is Pinkie Pie!"

Thinking about it, I suppose in a way that was true. Although, unbeknownst to anyone except Twilight, it applied to both me and Pinkie Pie.

Did that mean I wasn't real?

"Oh, Pinkamena, you're not a thing! You're a wonderful pony!" She smiled a heartwarming smile at me. "Maybe they just need time to get used to you?"

I frowned at her. "Maybe. But what can I do until then? I don't like being the center of attention...I don't even like being near strangers or crowds in the first place!" It made me incredibly anxious.

"Well, I've always been a bit afraid of that, too, so I know how you feel."

'A bit. Right.'

I leaned back into the soft cushions and sighed heavily. "And what do you do about it?" She had experience with this. She probably knew something.

Though looking at her, I could almost see the sweatdrop form. "Um, well...I usually just...hide..."

I facehoofed.

"I'm sorry..." She said sadly, the want to help me clearly evident.

I sat back up. "Don't worry. You can't have all the answers for everything for me, after all."

Things were quiet for a moment, until I finally decided to break the tension.

"So, how have your animals been doing?"

I shouldn't have asked that question. I ended up stuck in that house for hours.

Panic

"It's Pinkie's turn, I have to go now!" I said as a last resort out of desperation to get out of that house.
Maybe it wasn't all the great things I had thought when I first approached it.

"Oh! I guess your time is up then. Thanks for stopping by to visit, Pinkamena!" Fluttershy said in a cheerful voice to me in response to my interruption of her rambling about her animals.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll see you later, Fluttershy." Weariness was evident in my voice, but she didn't seem to notice it.

"Goodbye!" She waved a hoof and smiled as I opened the front door and closed it behind me.
As soon as the door was closed I sprinted away from the cottage as fast as possible.

'I'm never asking that question again...'

Of course, pretty soon I was breathing hard and had to slow down. For some reason I just couldn't make my body do the extreme things Pinkie could do. We were both in the same body, so how does that even work!?

Rubbing the sweat off my forehead I stopped on the outskirts of town to catch my breath.
When I saw the large clock on the tower at the school, I realized I hadn't been far off. My turn was almost over.

Turning back to town, I scrunched up my nose at the thought of going back through the busy market, even if it would be less populated now that it was the evening.

'I was only going to go back to Sugarcube Corner anyways...'

Biting my lower lip and looking up in thought while I tried to make a decision, I nodded and addressed the pony in my head that had been nice enough to be silent for me during my turn.

'Pinkie, you know what I was thinking about. You wanna take over now?'

'Sure! But you shouldn't be so afraid of other ponies. All my other friends are nice too!'

My head shook and I sighed. 'That's not the problem...'

I went through the now familiar act of swapping control with my counterpart, and right away my straight hair poofed up, and I lost control of anything but my own thoughts.

"Sugarcube Corner, here I come!" Pinkie immediately started her usual method of getting around, bouncing, and I right away got a bit disoriented.

'I will never get used to that as long as I live...'

I kept to myself while she hummed happily and bounced into town.

Of course, now that she was in control, I was assaulted by her very fast thought process.

Now, I'm not sure how other ponies see her, but she's admittedly not as dumb as she lets on. More...naive, and uncaring.
If there was something even slightly negative, she preferred to shift her mind off of that and only think of happy things.

Maybe it just had to do with her being the happy, optimistic side of what we were...supposed to be.

I still couldn't get over that. It was easy to forget. But someone as hyperactive, annoying, and crazy as her was supposed to be the same pony as me?
I couldn't deny it, though, since despite the absurdity it made a lot of sense when I thought about what caused this split in the first place.

"Hi Pinkie Pie!"

An Earth Pony was standing in front of 'us', looking a bit awkward.

"I was just wondering...if the rumours about you were true."

Ah. That was why. Well it's a good thing for me I had given Pinkie control, then. I certainly wouldn't want to have to have talked to any other ponies than my few friends.

Pinkie gasped. "I'm not a chocolate thief, I swear! That was just a story Rainbow Dash made up!" She had genuine worry in her voice.
And being able to hear her thoughts, I could testify to the fact she did miss the point.

"Um...no, that's not what I meant..." Her misassumption seemed to have made things even more awkward.

"I was wondering about...um, the stories about you having another pony in your head."

Pinkie Pie giggled. "Ooooh, that! I didn't know ponies thought they were rumours!" She nodded rapidly. "Yup, yup! Pinkamena is with me everywhere I go!"

"R-Really!? That's so cool!"

Cool? How was it cool? I personally hated it.

"C-Can I see for real?" The question was asked in a timid voice.

And the instant it was asked I heard Pinkie's thoughts on the matter.

'No, Pinkie, don't!'

"Sure!" She grinned and her hair suddenly fell flat.

And I suddenly found myself the one actually there, thrust into a situation I would've given anything to not be in.

"Wow!" The Earth Pony was staring in awe at me, and I crouched down, mane covering my face to make me feel safer.

And then my ears twitched as I heard murmurs about me.

Stares were on me.

They were staring.

Everyone around me.

"I've never heard of any earth ponies that can just make their hair go flat or change personalities just like that! It really is true! So, you're... Pinkamena?"

They were talking about me.

Whispering.

Staring.

I couldn't run, I couldn't get out of this!

I wanted to go back! To the safety of my mind!

I shuddered in anxiety as my heart started beating faster and my breathing became laboured.

They were closing in on me! I was surrounded! There were ponies everywhere!

Judging me!

Staring!

EVERYONE WAS STARING!
______________________________________________
Pinkie Pie's POV

Why was 'Mena panicking? All my friends just wanted to meet her!

Nothing she was thinking about made sense. No ponies were closing in on her! They were just smiling with that same kind of smile Twilight gets when she discovers something!

After only a few seconds I suddenly found myself being the one controlling our body.

Was she really that scared? I thought she just needed to be the center of attention to cure her of her silly fears. After all, she'd realize that there's nothing to be afraid of that way, right?

Well, anyways, I blinked and stood upright again.

"Don't worry about her, she's just shy!" I smiled.

Then I realized my eyes were watery.

Weird. I hadn't cried or anything! Maybe there were onions being cut nearby.

"That's so awesome! I gotta go tell everyone!" Just like that, she was gone.

I continued my bouncing and humming towards Sugarcube Corner. I enjoyed making 'Mena smile, but it was hard always being so quiet for her! So I was happy to get to do whatever I wanted to do now.

And that thing I wanted to do was go eat sweets!
______________________________________________
Sighing happily, I snuggled down in my bed and turned the lights off.

"Goodnight, Gummy!" I said with a yawn as I patted the little alligator on his head.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed and let myself drift off to dreamland.

Though I did wonder why I hadn't heard a peep from good ol' 'Mena ever since we were back in the market.

Oh, well. She was a quiet pony, she didn't talk much. She also got into deep thought a lot, so maybe that was just it.

This evening had kind of felt like the time before she had taken control for the first time. Just me, my mind, and happy activities!

Besides, I'd get to talk to her face to face tonight, like we always did.

I just had to fall asleep...
______________________________________________
"Hiya, 'Mena!" I said cheerfully once in the really dark place that I always went to for some reason now when I went to sleep.
I kind of missed my fun dreams, but at least this way me and 'Mena could actually see each other!

"...'Mena?" I looked around, confused. Where was she? Normally she'd be here by now.
My ears twitched and I turned towards a direction I thought I heard sobbing.

"Pinkamena...?"

I walked slowly towards the sound, and I gasped when I saw the other pink pony sitting down and leaning forwards, mane draped down around her, and sobbing. I could even see the tears fall down into the black-ness!

"'Mena!" I ran towards her quickly. Something was wrong! I needed to help cheer her up!

*CLANG*

I slammed straight into the nothing that was in front of me blocking my way.

"H-Huh?" I reached a hoof forwards and I felt something that felt like a wall...made of glass?

But it wasn't there. So it was nothing. But it was also something.

It was a something-nothing.

I pushed against the something-nothing while I heard more sobbing. Pinkamena was facing away from me so she didn't see me.

"'Mena! What's wrong!?" I couldn't get through the something-nothing! And she didn't answer me. Did she not hear me?

I could hear her, so she had to be able to hear me, right?

"'Mena!" I banged on the something-nothing, but it wouldn't move.

She fell onto her face and kept crying, which nearly broke my heart. I couldn't stand to see anyone so sad, especially not one of my best friends!

"Pinkamena!" I yelled worriedly and tried my absolute hardest to get through to her...but it didn't work, and soon I was sitting down, leaned forwards, all sad like she was.

"'Mena...why can't I help you...what's wrong...?"

Author's Note

I actually have severe social anxieties. They've gotten better through gradual exposure, but I still have them.
And I have had at least one panic attack before, so I can say that I'm experienced in this field. These are real symptoms, and real causes of social anxiety and panic attacks.

Anyways, please leave a comment down below! ^_^
And if you favourite, don't forget to like too!

Twilight's Solution

Pinkie Pie's POV
My eyes snapped open as I awoke, with a frown upon my face.

The sleepy feeling that normally came with waking up wasn't even there. 'Mena was upset, and I couldn't get to her to help her for some reason!

''Mena?' I tried talking to her in my mind, but as expected there was no response.

"Why are you so upset? What's wrong?" I whimpered a bit, ears lowering along with my mood.

They perked up again and I grinned as I got a great idea!

"Twilight! I'll go to Twilight! She knows everything!"

In a flash, I threw the covers off and dashed out of my room, speeding to the Ponyville library as fast as I possibly could.
______________________________________________

I knocked frantically at the front door to the Ponyville library.

"Twilight!? TWILIIIIIGHT!!!" I yelled as I pounded on the door. She better answer soon! 'Mena could be in trouble!

I heard the familiar *SMACK* sound of Twilight falling off her bed and I giggled a little, before slapping myself in the face.

"Serious time, Pinkie Pie! Your friend is in danger!"

The door opened, and there stood Twilight, with her messy bedmane, baggy eyes, and grumpy frown.

She looked so silly! It was hard not to laugh.

"Pinkie Pie...what have I told you about waking me up too early...?" She said in a calm voice.

"Um...that I shouldn't?" I grinned at her in embarassment.

"And why shouldn't you?"

"Because...it messes up your schedule?"

"And what did you do?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

I looked down and pawed at the ground, ears lowering in shame. "Woke you up early..."

"Mhm. Now, please promise you won't do it again." She sighed, as if we had done this a dozen times. Had we?

"I'll do better than that, Twilight! I'll Pinkie Promise!" I went through the sacred motions of the Pinkie Promise, forever binding me to my words.

"Good." She walked back inside and closed the door.

"Wha-hey!" I knocked on the door again. "Twilight! Come back here! I need your help with 'Mena! It's an emergency, she's in trouble!"

After a few seconds the door opened, though Twilight hadn't been near it. She was so good at magic, she didn't even have to look!

Trotting inside the tree home, I looked over at Twilight to see her making some of the brown drink that the ponies in Canterlot had.
What had she called it? Coughing? I don't know.

"What's the problem?" She turned and looked at me, the tired and slightly annoyed look still on her face.

Twilight was super smart! She'd know what to do! So I took a deep breath...

"'MenawassilentallnightandwhenItriedtoruntoherthesomething-nothingwasinthewayandshewascryingandthenIgotsadtoothenshewouldn'tanswermeand-"

"PINKIE!" Twilight interrupted me. "Slow down. I can't understand you when you're speaking that fast when I'm wide awake, let alone now!"

She yawned and poured herself some of the Coughing.

"Sorry!" I started again, but slower this time. "'Mena was being super quiet all of last night! And when we were asleep, she was crying! I tried to get to her, but the something-nothing was in the way!"

"Hold on- the 'something-nothing'?" She asked in a confused tone, taking a sip of her drink.

I nodded frantically. She must know what the something-nothing was! "Uh-huh! It was something, 'cause it felt like glass, but it was nothing, because it wasn't there! But it was in the way, so it was a something, but I couldn't see it, so it was a nothing!"

She facehoofed. She does that a lot. I'm not sure why.

"So there was an invisible wall between you and Pinkamena?" She asked.

"Yeah! That! And because of it I couldn't get to 'Mena to find out why she was crying and help her!"

"You don't even know why she was crying?" Twilight didn't seem happy about that.

I shook my head and frowned deeply. "Nope! And I couldn't figure it out!"

"Did you try letting her out?"

I blinked and stared for a moment. "Oh yeah! I should do that!"

Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head for some reason. I was too excited to find out how I could help 'Mena to wonder about that, though, so I quickly gave up my control to let Pinkamena out.
Right away my mane became flat and I lost control.
And right away, Pinkamena fell forwards onto her face.

"Ow..." she moaned.

I giggled in my mind. She was silly, just falling down like that!

"Pinkamena? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Twilight asked, suddenly a lot more care and worry in her voice than when she was talking to me.

"I don't want to be here..." 'Mena mumbled into the ground.

I couldn't see anything but floor since 'Mena still had her face on it, so I couldn't tell what Twilight's expression was.

'Mena! Why were you crying last night?' She could finally hear me, right?

"They all just stare at me.." she said with what sounded like...fear? No, she wouldn't be afraid! What was there to be afraid of?

"Who stares at you?" Twilight asked, complete confusion in her voice.

"I want to stay where it's safe...!" She said a bit louder, and suddenly my mane poofed up as my control was returned.
I hopped up onto my four hooves and wagged my fluffy tail a couple times.

"Twilight? Do you know what's wrong with 'Mena? Because I sure didn't understand! She's acting crazier than me!"

Twilight took another sip of her drink. "Pinkie, when did she start acting this way?"

I sat down and put a hoof to my chin. "Hmm...when we were in the marketplace yesterday! Why would she start acting weird because of the market, I wonder?

"I see. And did anything happen while you were there?" Twilight asked me. I didn't really like it when Twilight asked so many questions about me. But, I had to help Pinkamena!

"Hmm...well, Bon-Bon asked me to show her Pinkamena! Of course I said yes, since I knew she'd be happy, and 'Mena could become friends with another one of my friends!"

Twilight nodded, a look of understanding appearing on her face. She knew! She knew why 'Mena was acting so weird!

"And how did she react?"

I tilted my head and looked upwards. "She reacted weird. First, she told me not to let her out, and then she started panicking, thinking that ponies were closing in on her, and she was yelling about being stared at!"

Twilight nodded and sighed. "Pinkie, I can't believe you'd do that." She paused. "Actually, I guess I can..."

I fidgeted in intense curiosity. Why wouldn't she just tell me already?

"That I'd do what? What's wrong with 'Mena?"

Twilight finished her drink and looked much better than before. "It'd be best if I didn't tell you yet. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. For now, just be nice to her."

"But Twilight! I wanna know how I can help her!" I pouted. It wasn't fair! Why couldn't she tell me? I couldn't just let 'Mena be upset forever!"

Suddenly I was picked up by a levitation spell and moved out the front door.

"If you want to help her, don't let her out in the middle of crowds anymore!" The door closed on me.

I frowned and dug my hooves into the dirt. "Keeping secrets from me...I just want to help 'Mena!"
I turned and flicked my tail at the house, eyes narrowed, as I walked away from it.
______________________________________________

The day went pretty normal after that, and I quickly got over my irritation at Twilight. She tended to do that kind of stuff often, and she told me she'd tell me later! So for now, I decided to just go ahead with my day.
And my day happened to involve baking delicious delectables for Sugarcube Corner!
Time flew by my face like a flock of birds when I worked, and soon the worries were forgotten on me.

"Hmm, hmm hmm!" I hummed happily as I bounced around, when I was suddenly interrupted by Lyra.

"Hey there, Pinkie Pie!" Lyra said cheerfully.

I grinned my biggest grin back, the happy voice raising my spirits.

"Hiya, Lyra!" I greeted. "What can I do for ya? Need a cake? Or a muffin? Or a donut?"

“Oh, no, actually, I was interested in meeting this other personality of yours. You've been the talk of the town since yesterday!”

My smile faded a little.”Oh, um...”

'What should I do? 'Mena is still being all weird!'

I thought intensely about what I should do, which I don't normally do.

'Maybe making a new friend will help her! There aren't any crowds around since it's almost closing time, and that means it's almost her turn anyways!'

My ear twitched and I tapped my chin.

'Hmm...I know! I'll just ask Pinkamena first! 'Mena, do you wanna be let out to meet Lyra?'

I waited for a moment but didn't get any response. Did that mean she was okay with it?

'Well...it wouldn't hurt to try, right? She didn't say no!'

For the second time that day I retreated into my mind and let 'Mena take over, this time intending to let her take her full turn.
Immediately she was in control with her flat mane and tail, and she hid behind the long pink hair.

“Whoa...hi!” Lyra said with interest.

“H-Hi...” 'Mena mumbled and walked backwards, stumbling a bit.

“Is something wrong?” Lyra asked with worry.

“I...have something to do!” 'Mena dashed upstairs at a speed I thought only Dashie could move at and immediately slammed our bedroom door shut, and locked it with the lock I never used.

'What's wrong, 'Mena?' I asked in concern. Why wouldn't anyone just tell me the problem?

'Leave me alone! I hate you!'

Her words stung me like a bunch of mean bees.
She didn't hate me...did she? No, we were friends! We had fun together! So why did she say that...?

The next thing that happened was 'Mena flopped onto our bed and cried.

Pinkamena's POV

'I hate her...I hate her...I hate her!'

I cried rivers of tears, which made my coat and the bed sheets damp. I was going to use my turn to stay up here and cry. I couldn't cry in my mind. I couldn't get the emotions out.

Now I could. And it was a huge relief.

I didn't care if she could hear my thoughts and knew what I was thinking, I didn't care if she knew I hated her, she should know!
I never asked for her to be a part of my life! Why couldn't I just be whole? Just one pony? Just me and not stuck with another pony in my head!?

'Especially not one as stupid and insensitive as her!'

She had gone silent not long after my breakdown started. Knowing her, she must've realized I actually meant those words and had shut up to sulk on her own.

My tears were just slowing when I got a knock at my bedroom door.

“Pinkie? Pinkamena? It's Twilight, let me in!”

“GET LOST!” I screamed, not in the mood to deal with any of her crap.

“Pinkamena! Open this door or I'll come in anyways!” Her angry tone responded to mine, though with nowhere near as much malice.

“NO! Go away! Leave me alone!” Being alone, that wasn't even possible for me anymore! And it's what I enjoyed most!

A snap sound and a flash of light later, and Twilight appeared in my room, having teleported past the door.

'Why do they even bother making locks?'

“Pinkamena, I understand that you have severe social anxieties. So, I set up a counseling appointment for you!” She said with a grin.

“YOU WHAT!?” I screamed in disbelief. She did something like that without asking me!?

“Yeah! Look, I know you probably don't want to go, but it's for your own good! Don't you want to recover from your fears? I know the counselor personally, she's from Canterlot and is very nice, one of the best there is!”

“NO! I don't care! You can't make me go!” I yelled in her face.

Twilight sighed. “Looks like we have to do this the hard way.” I suddenly felt myself being lifted by her levitation, making me feel completely helpless.

Before I was out of range, I clamped my teeth down on the end of the bed-frame and hooked my forearms underneath it.
Twilight grunted with effort as she struggled to pull me off.

“Let...go...Pinkamena! This is...for your own...good!”

“Mo! Mi'm mot moig!” I said between clenched teeth in retaliation, holding on for dear life.

After a brief struggle between us gravity affected me again and I let go, rubbing my jaw and wincing.
Behind me, Twilight was breathing heavily and groaned.

“I had really hoped not to do this, but...”

A flash, and I suddenly found myself in front of Sugarcube corner, and my sudden appearance made all the ponies around look at me.
They were staring again!
I retreated into my mind as fast as possible, my mane poofing up.

“Uh, hehe, nothing to see here anypony!” Pinkie giggled and waved at all the ponies staring, who turned and went back to whatever it is they did in their lives.

Twilight came out the front door and looked at us, nodding.

“I was right, she did give you control. Good. Now don't let her out yet, Pinkie!”

'That manipulative...!'

“Why, Twilight? It's still 'Mena's turn!”

The purple abomination of a pony smiled. “We're heading to Pinkamena's appointment! You can let her out when we get there!”

I said a less than appropriate word in response to that.

“Um, Twi...I don't think 'Mena will be happy...”

“Of course she will be! After her therapy, she'll be happier than ever! Don't you worry.”

“If you're sure...” Pinkie seemed concerned.

“One-hundred percent positive!” She assured, beaming before turning abruptly. “To the train!”

“So, Twilight, this is the Pinkamena Diane Pie you scheduled?” The counselor, whose name I didn't even care to bother remembering, asked.

Twilight chuckled a little. “Well, sort of...” She turned to Pinkie and me. “Pinkie, you can let her out now.”

'No!'

I suddenly found myself in control, and I stumbled a bit. The counselor was shocked. I didn't care.

“I'm NOT doing this!!!” I quickly gave control back to Pinkie, who gave an apologetic look at Twilight.

“Sorry, Twi...she really doesn't wanna come out!”

Twilight facehoofed. “Just keep letting her out until she stays!”

What followed was a couple minutes of Pinkie and I switching repeatedly until Twilight yelled, “ENOUGH!” I froze, wide-eyed.

“Listen, Pinkamena, you will lay down and go through this session, unless you want me to teleport you into another crowd!”

I shivered and fell to the floor. Covering my eyes and lowering my ears.

“Twilight, that's the worst thing to do to someone with social anxieties!” The counselor scolded.

Twilight was the one to lower her ears and appear meek this time. “S-Sorry...”

"From now on, only expose her to those she isn't comfortable around gradually. And don't threaten her like that, Miss Sparkle!"

I clenched my eyes shut. The faster I got through this, the faster I could go home.

Author's Note

Chapter 5 will be rewritten. For anyone wondering how it was going to end, I'll put an explanation in the Author's notes of chapter 5. If you want to see it, the password is 'password'.

Breaking Point

Pinkie Pie's POV
I trudged slowly up the stairs to my bedroom of Sugarcube corner, my cheery demeanor gone.
I wanted to smile, I really did, but how could I, knowing how miserable 'Mena was?

She hated me. She hated me more than I thought it was possible for anypony to hate.
I kept running that word through my mind.

Hate.

I lay down on my bed and whimpered. "I lost my smile...." I heard the sound of a balloon deflating. I turned to look at a mirror and saw that my hair had indeed lost the poofiness. But it had simply gone limp, not straight like 'Mena's hair was.

"I changed my mind. I like straight hair....." I mumbled quietly to myself.
Gummy hopped up onto the bed next to me. I put an arm around him and pulled him close. "Thanks. Gummy...."

I sighed and closed my eyes, deciding to call it an early night.

It took me hours to fall asleep, but when I did, it was a fitful one.

I dreamt.

For the first time since I was aware of 'Mena, I had a dream.

I bounced through the field of flowers, humming and smiling as brightly as my face would allow.

"Come on everypony, smile smile smile!"

I began to sing my favourite song.

"Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine!"

A swirl of butterflies flew passed and I spun in circles, with the sweet sound of laughter.

"All I really need is a smile, smile-"

"-Frown."

I stopped my spinning and blinked, then fell forwards as I realized I had been standing on my hind legs.
My face in the dirt, I heard a voice similar to mine, but it was filled with malice and sorrow.

"All I really need is a frown, frown frown, from everypony else around me!"

I heard the sound of metal piercing wood. I lifted my head and my eyes widened in shock as I saw Pinkamena, laying on her back on a pile of uncomfortable and dull looking rocks, throwing knives at a tree! The wood was pierced in multiple places, with metal sticking out the other side.

Pinkamena sighed and picked up another of the dangerous object and threw it at a tree, striking it dead center. She was practically radiating with upset. In fact, the grass around her was brown and dead, and the very air seemed cloudy and dull!

"How could you think such a way?" I exclaimed with sadness and a hint of fear. I ran up to her, but stopped and stumbled backwards when the sharp object she had been holding whizzed towards me and piecred the ground right in front of me.

"Stay. Back." She hissed, the venom dripping from her words.
I shivered and complied, stepping backwards a few steps. I gulped and stared at her with eyes widened, and my body shaking. The beautiful field of flowers was melting around us, and the aura of decay that had been around 'Mena was spreading.
As it passed a tree, it morphed into a twisted, sharp mess. It had a picture of Twilight's face on it, which promptly had a knife driven through it, the expression changing to one of pain.

It was a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. I stumbled backwards farther as the decay spread farther, getting closer to me. I grit my teeth in fear.

'Just a nightmare, it's just a nightmare!'

The decay was growing. it was spreading, turning the luscious, joyful green land into a desolate, dead land. All the while 'Mena just sat there, glaring at the picture of Twilight.

I walked backwards in fear as the decay came closer to me. If the joy filled land turned to a dark, destroyed wasteland, what would happen to me!?

I stopped.

There was something behind me.

But it was nothing.

It was the something nothing!

I turned around as my eyes widened in terror as the wave of destruction came closer.

Closer.

Closer.

It touched me!

*BLAM*

"Ow...." I moaned and rubbed my muzzle. My face had been on the bedroom floor, and I was tangled in the bed sheets, which were soaked with sweat.

"That wasn't a nice dream...." I shivered. I couldn't remember all of it, but I remembered most of it. 'W-Why would 'Mena feel that way? Why would she...make all the joy go away?'

'Maybe because joy doesn't exist in me'.

My ears perked and I almost gasped. 'Mena was talking to me!

'H-How could you feel that way? How can you live without joy!?

'.....'

I sat up and looked in the mirror. My hair was the same way it was last night, and now that I could see it, I saw my tail was that way, too. I wagged it back and forth slowly before sighing.

'Poor 'Mena....'

"Pinkie, look - I know things didn't go well last time, but trust me, the more she goes, the better she'll get!"

"No, Twilight....no! It won't help!"

Twilight and I were walking through the Ponyville market, where all this bad stuff started. All because I was such a stupid little filly, and I couldn't listen when 'Mena said no!

Twilight sighed. "Look, Pinkie-"

"Fluttershy!" I dashed over to my awesome super-duper pegasus friend, making her yelp.

"O-Oh, Pinkie! Don't scare me like that!" She hunched down low and laid her ears back meekly.

"Oh, sorry!" I rubbed the back of my neck nervously and grinned. "Um, whatchya doin' here?"
I heard Twilight walk up behind me, muttering something under her breath that I couldn't make out.

"I was just....buying food for the animals." she responded quietly.

"Ahem." Twilight interrupted, and I noticed an irked look from her. "Pinkie, it's rude to just leave when somepony is talking to you!"

"Sorry, but..." I lowered my ears and then turned to Fluttershy with a hopeful smile. "Fluttershy, can you help out 'Mena? She's really sad and scared!"

"Pinkie!"

I ignored Twilight. "Pleeease?"

Fluttershy blinked, looking a little confused, but worry was evident in her face too. "Of course I'll help her, Pinkie! I'd be more than happy to!"

Twilight grabbed my tail and spun me around to face her, making my eyes roll in my head for a moment. "What are you doing!? Pinkamena already has a counselor that's qualified to help her! Fluttershy isn't qualified!"

Fluttershy hunched down and lowered her ears again. "O-Oh, if I'd be a problem, I won't intrude..."

"NONONO!" I spun around and grabbed onto Fluttershy tightly, squeezing her. "You haveta help 'Mena! She hates that counselor!"

"Pinkie, it's for her own good!" Twilight took a step forwards and I held Fluttershy tighter.

"No!"

I heard a choking sound next to me and looked at Fluttershy, who was oddly looking blue rather than her usual yellow.

Oh.

I immediately let go of her. "I-I'm sorry Fluttershy!" I laid my ears back and stared at the ground.

"It's...fine..." she gasped, catching her breath.

"Pinkie, what will it take to convince you?" Twilight sighed, exasperated.

"It'll take 'Mena not being so angry and upset about going!" I gave her a determined look.
I wasn't backing down, not anymore! I'd hurt 'Mena too many times already!

Fluttershy had caught her breath, but seemed content to just watch us, not wanting to get in the middle of our argument.

"But she won't feel that way unless she goes!" Twilight argued.

"Well, than she's not going!" I stomped a hoof and turned around, marching past Fluttershy, who slowly stood up and followed me, still hunched down nervously, and she was looking back at Twilight apologetically and worriedly.

I didn't care. Nothing mattered now other than getting 'Mena to feel better! And I'd do whatever it took to get that to happen, even at the cost of my own life if I had to!

Pinkamena's POV

I can't believe I ever wanted to go back to that world so badly! Pinkie could have her miserable existence to herself!
I never realized that my imprisonment for all those years was a blessing. The world outside of my own mind was terrible. It was a terrible, horrible place, filled with horrible ponies!

I was done looking at it. Now that I wanted to be as far away from the world as possible instead of part of it, I had detached myself from my senses - no, Pinkie's senses - and could stay in darkness. Total, absolute darkness, away from anything but my own thoughts.

But of course, I can never have true peace, I can never just be miserable on my own, because when Pinkie spoke in her mind to me, I still heard her, and couldn't do a thing about it.

''Mena, please, come out!'

I did my best to make something like a hissing sound with my mind.

'P-Please come out...I'll stop bugging you, I swear! A-And, Fluttershy's here! She wants to talk to you!'

That made me stop. Fluttershy. The one pony in the world who seemed to understand me.

I had to speak to her, at least one last time before I locked myself up in my mind forever.
But what if Pinkie was just lying, doing the dirty work of that nasty purple unicorn, to get me to do her will?

I had the means to check.

I reattached myself to my - sorry, Pinkie's senses, and saw the timid pegasus that I could call a friend staring into my eyes worriedly.
It was strange, I almost felt as if she was looking straight into me, and could see the trapped mare I was, inside my own mind.

"Please, Pinkamena..." She said sadly.

That was it.

My mane flattened and the features of my face switched from the worried expression my counterpart wore to a miserable look of despair.

"Fl-Fluttershy..." Wetness built up in the corners of my eyes. I couldn't cry in my mind. I couldn't let the emotions out.

"Oh, dear!" She leaned forwards and caught me as I collapsed, sobbing loudly. I had to get it out. I didn't care if Pinkie was watching me. I couldn't hold this in,

"F-Fluttershy! They all stare! They all judge me! I'm just a....a fake! A thing! I'm not a real pony, I'm just something to be on display!" I cried my eyes out into her shoulder. "And none of them take pity on me! No one! They just do what they want with me! That cursed purple unicorn that dares call herself a friend of anyone bends me to her will, manipulates me!" Ranting about it just made me cry more.

Some of the animals in Fluttershy's cottage were staring at the spectacle.

The slight anxieties that that caused were dwarfed by the despair I felt at my own existence.

"T-Twilight....?" Fluttershy mumbled.

"Mhm...!" I sniffed.

"That's...a little hard to believe, that she'd do that..."

My heart stopped. I swear my heart stopped.

Fluttershy. My one true friend. She didn't believe me!

"Y-You...you d-don't believe me!?" I almost screamed, making her wince and shrink down, almost letting go of me.

"Of course I do!" She said. "I-I'm sorry I said that...." she whispered.

I sniffled.

"I wouldn't accuse you of lying, I can see it in you...." She ran her hoof through my mane slowly.

I liked that.

"I-I don't...want to exist anymore..." I moaned, burying my face into her shoulder.

"Shh...." She rubbed my back softly. I sniffled again and tried to get myself under control.

"I know how you feel, Pinkamena....."

I didn't respond to that, but nonetheless wondered how she could possibly relate to this feeling.

"When I was younger, I was forced to put on a play." She kept stroking my mane. I felt a tiny bit better. "I didn't want to do it. I told everyone I didn't want to. My mother, my father, my teachers... they all told me that it'd be fine, that I'd get over it when I did it.
But I didn't believe them. I tried lots of things to get out of doing it. I tried pretending to be sick, hiding, saying I forgot to practice..." She stopped running her hoof through my mane. I wished she would continue.

"It was even worse than I imagined. I got up there, and tried to act out what they told me to. But In barely a second, I had made a fool of myself, and everypony was laughing at me and calling me names. And nopony forgot! For as long as I was in that school, that play always got brought up, I always got laughed at!" She squeezed me tighter. I think she was starting to cry too.

"I had so many problems to face as a filly, and that just topped it off....I didn't want to be in this horrible, horrible world anymore."

My eyes widened a tiny bit at the familiar sounding sentence.

"But..." She started stroking my mane again. "Eventually....I found there were those that did care about me. I was too caught up in thinking how terrible the world and everypony in it was, I forgot that there were those who cared about me, and worried for me, and wanted to help me."

I could see where she was going with this.

"And so...they helped me. My loved ones helped me through it." She let go of me and then pushed my head up so I was looking at her isntead of her shoulder. "I'm here for you, Pinkamena. We all are."

Other than the word 'we' and who it could possibly pertain to....that helped.

I hugged her tightly and cried silent tears, this time of sorrow for slightly different reasons. "Thank you, Fluttershy..." I whispered.

Several moments went by of silence before I spoke again.

"Can....can I stay here tonight....?"

She smiled.
"Sure."

Author's Note

Well, after over 3 months, lots of stress, writer's block, struggle to figure out how to continue, a mess that happened when I wrote and uploaded a chapter 5 before without putting heart into it, and so many other problems.....
I finally finished Chapter 5.

Do you guys think it lived up to the wait? Please, leave a comment below! ^_^