So I'll be the one who doesn't say goodbye
So I’ll be the one who doesn’t have to say goodbye.
“Sometimes...I hate winter.”
“...and Daring walked off into the distance, the warm sun brightening her mood somewhat. Gone were the memories of that horrible future she had stopped. Now she was filled with a hope for tomorrow,” Rainbow Dash finished reading to the small pile of snow. A deep breath escaped her lips as she looked to where her pet was sleeping, “Sleep well little guy. See ya in three months.”
Slowly she got up and placed her book back into her saddle bag. Then, she rubbed the snow pile with an affectionate hoof. With a quick turn, she looked towards the sky and hoped that nopony else would see another tear falling down her cheek. As she flew off into the sky towards her cloud home, she began to whisper to herself “We’ll see each other again...”
Seventeen years ago...
“...Right, grandma?” young Rainbow Dash asked, looking up at the old pony in front of her.
The older blue mare smiled softly and rubbed the mane of her grandchild, “Of course I will, my little Rainbow. Grandma is just going to the hospital to check up on her old heart, and then she’ll be right back.”
“But, Grandma I don’t wann-” Rainbow was about to begin, but was interrupted by a hug from her grandmother.
“Now now, don’t start fretting like that Dashie. You know goodbyes aren’t forever, I’ll be back and I will tell you more Wonderbolt stories. Ok, Dashie?” asked Rainshower.
Sniffling a little, the young filly nodded and hugged her grandmother tightly, “Ok. Bye Grandma.”
“Mom? It’s time to go,” said Blitz as he walked to his mother.
“I know that! I’m not so old that I have my marbles,” chuckled Rainshower as she nudged her son before taking off with him.
“Goodbye Grandma! See you in a few days!” Shouted Rainbow Dash as she looked up at the slowly fading dots in the sky.
It was only two days later when Rainbow Dash woke up to the sound of crying. Her little mind curious, she got up from the bed and walked down the stairs to begin to investigate. After a few soft steps on the ground, she found the source of crying coming from the living room, “Dad?” she whispered.
“I-I just can’t believe it,” Blitz said, looking down at the ground, the tears running down his cheeks.
His wife ran a pink hoof along his back, embracing him from time to time, “I know,” Firefly whispered, I know. “She just always seemed so strong and now-”
“I just said ‘goodbye, see ya’ to her and gave her a hoofbump! I didn’t say ‘I love you ma. Be safe ma,’ or anything. What kind of bastard does that to their mother!” yelled Blitz.
“One who didn’t expect something like this to happen,” Firefly said, trying her best to hold back her own tears.
“There were a whole team of doctors in that damnable hospital and not a single one could do anything? Why didn’t they save her!?” shouted Blitz as he heard tiny footsteps trotting in.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” Rainbow Dash asked, holding her blanket close to her chest.
“Rainbow Dash,” Blitz said, looking to his little girl with bloodshot eyes. He moved away from his wife and to his daughter, pulling her into a hug, “I’m so sorry, but Grandma isn’t...she isn’t...she’s not coming back.”
“Why not? When is she coming home? I thought she said goodbyes aren’t forever! Grandparents aren’t supposed to lie like this! Why isn’t she coming back?!” cried Rainbow Dash, rubbing her face into her father’s shoulders.
“Because, after your grandma went into the hospital, her heart gave up. Now, she needs to sleep for a long time,” Blitz said, his voice soft and slowly cracking.
“Then tell her heart to fight back, so she can wake up!” cried Rainbow.
“They can’t,” Blitz said, his eyes red as he let out a sob.
Firefly joined in the embrace, holding the two ponies close to her, “Rainbow, sometimes a ponies heart becomes too weak to support them anymore and then they have to go to sleep for a long time. Celestia takes their spirits away for them to rest for a while and they can get all the rest they need.” and with that, the young mare pulled Rainbow Dash into another comforting hug.
Rainbow Dash shook her head, plowing through the body of one cloud and swerving up into the air with a corkscrew. At the apex of her curve, she turned her flight to land on a nearby cloud. A depressed sigh escaped her lips as she laid back onto the cloud and looked up at the sky, “You know, fourty hours of community service aint too bad. I can do my usual job and have fun with it. All things considered, I got off light,” she chuckled before throwing a piece of cloud up into the sky. As the tuff of cloud came back down, she took a deep breath and let it hit her face, dousing it in wet water.
Rolling onto her stomach, Rainbow Dash twirled her hoof in the body of the cloud and sighed, “Tank will be fine. I can see him when he crawls out of that hole of his and he’ll be fine. I mean, even Fluttershy said-she said...”
Seven years ago
“She would be fine! Why the buck is she in the hospital?” Shouted Dash at the doctor.
The light red pegaus simply pushed up her glasses and sighed, “Miss Dash, I understand that you are worried about your friend, but please calm down. She was in just a little accident but-”
“A broken foreleg and wing is not ‘just a little accident’! She is badly hurt and all you did was-”
“Treated her to the best of our ability, set her leg and wing, and now she is resting in that room over there for her friend to come and see her,” Doctor Patella said, point her hoof down the hall. To which, Rainbow Dash ran past her and into the room where Fluttershy laid.
“Oh, hello Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said weakly, some of the anesthetic still running its course.
“Hey, Flutters,” Dash said, looking down with a broken look at Fluttershy’s condition. Putting her hoof alongside the buttery yellow pegasus hoof, Dash let out a deep sigh, “Fluttershy, I’m so sorry that you got hurt. I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve protected you.”
“Rainbow, no, its all right. Really,” Fluttershy smiled down at her friend. “I was the one who got into an accident. You weren’t even there, how could you have protected me?”
“I should’ve been there. I should’ve gone with you on that trip, but instead I just stood back home and waved goodbye to you like an idiot!” Dash growled a little as she lightly hit the bed with her hoof. “If I was there, maybe I could’ve saved you and you wouldn’t be here now.”
Fluttershy lightly shook her head, “Rainbow Dash, you can’t be everywhere at once.”
“I should be,” Dash grumbled, looking away to her side. “I’m fast, I should be able to be there for the ones who I care about. But every time somepony says goodbye or leaves me, I feel like something bad will happen to them that I can’t do anything about. I hate it!” she closed her eyes as the stinging feeling of tears became too much for her, “I hate feeling like I can’t be there for everyone I care about. I hate feeling like I can’t help ponies like you, the ponies I care about so much.”
“Rainbow,” Fluttershy whispered, rubbing her hoof along Rainbow Dash’s hoof, “It’s ok, really. Sometimes ponies have to leave and you can only hope for the best that they’ll be ok.”
“But, you’re not ok...you’re hurt,” Rainbow Dash then turned her head away from Fluttershy and sighed. “And I should’ve been there.”
Rainbow Dash let out a small groan as she stretched her limbs out in all directions and then laid on her stomach. Letting her body rest in the soft white of the cloud she said, “And besides, its not like I can’t go and visit where he’s buried anyway...right?” Letting out a soft breath and closing her eyes, Rainbow Dash continued to lie there for a few more moments. Content to let the cold air flow over her coat while the cloud drifted through the air. The breeze was just strong enough for the cloud to be carried through the air, but not cold enough to make resting on the cloud unbearable.
As Rainbow Dash rested on the cloud, feeling the air flowing by her, she began to list off names, “Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, even Fluttershy for a few years, Gilda, and way too many friends to count.” She let out a huff and slammed her hoof onto the cloud as she continued,, “For the element of Loyalty, I’ve said way too many goodbyes in my time. I need less goodbyes,” Rainbow Dash sighed, opening her eyes. “And more hellos.”
Glancing over her shoulder, Dash watch as the sun began to set slowly and got up from her cloud, “Better get going. What was that egg heady thing Twilight always said? ‘Early to bed ‘or some malarkey like that? Community service, yeah...that’ll be fun.” With that, she took off from her cloud and began the slow flight home.
three years ago
“Well, be seeing ya Gild. Goodbye!” Dash said, a bag slung over her shoulder.
“So, this is it? A year of traveling with me and ya are ready to head to some no name town like-” the griffon began and was interrupted by Dash.
“Ponyville, and yeah, I am,” Rainbow Dash smiled. “Its time I put some of this weather training to use. Besides, Fluttershy is there and its a great place to practice my flight maneuvers for the Wonderbolts.”
“Ya know, you outshine those mooks any day of the week,” Gilda said, crossing her arms over her chest.
Rainbow Dash let out a chuckle as she walked away, “Not yet. But, who knows, maybe something awesome is going to happen when I get there. Besides, its my birthday tomorrow, so it would be a good time to get a change of scenery.”
“Sure, why not,” Gild said with a sigh, before holding her fist up for a bump, “Hey. Just promise me, that you won’t change when you get there. That you will always be the cool and hot-headed pal that I’ve always known.”
Rainbow Dash allowed herself a small chuckle before returning the bump, “Sure, and you promise not to change the next time I see ya. When I see you again, you better be the coolest griffon I ever met.”
“Hey, its not like I’ll change completely,” Gilda said, before giving her wings a few flaps and took off. “Bye Dash! See ya later-”
“YA BIG FLIP FLOP!!!”
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes wide at that last memory and began to give her head a quick shake, then getting off the cloud, and flying through a small cloud bank. With a quick shake to get the water of her body, the cyan mare lout a sorrowful sigh. As that memory faded from her mind, she could still feel a small weight tug at part of her heart. With another shake of her head, she put on an extra burst of speed to make it to her cloud home, “Hey, Rainbow Dash!”
Rainbow Dash turned to the source of the sound, and watched as a grey pegasus landed in front of her, “Oh, evening Derpy, what’s up?”
“The mail,” Derpy said with a giggle as she flew up to catch some mail that slipped out of her bag. “I had some mail that I wanted to give you this morning, but the snow kind of threw me off.”
Putting a hoof behind her head, Dash let out a chuckle, “Uh, yeah. Hey...Derpy?”
“Yes?” the other pegasus asked, getting all of the mail together in her mouth.
“You wouldn’t happen to have any mail from the Griffon lands would ya? From a girl named Gilda?” Dash asked.
“Hmmm, lets see: fan mail, fan mail, junk, invitation to your god-daughter’s birthday,” Derpy said, looking at Dash with a look that said, ‘please come.’
“You know I’ll be there for Dinky,” Rainbow smiled.
“Yay! lets see, we got-More fan mail, Spitfire’s very angry letter, letter from Lighting Dust, but nope, no letters from the Griffon lands,” Derpy said, shaking her head.
“Kind of figured,” Rainbow Dash let out a sigh as she took her mail from the mail mare. “Thanks anyway, Derpy.”
“You’re welcome!” Said Derpy as she took off for home.
Turning away from the departing grey mare, Rainbow Dash took a few steps and opened her door. After stepping inside and placig her mail on a small stand, her magenta eyes caught the sight of a purple tail, “Twilight? What are you doing here?”
Turning away from Rainbow Dash’s bookshelf, the purple alicorn looked to Rainbow Dash with a serious glint in her eyes, “I want you to help me understand something. Mainly, about what happened today.”
“What’s there to understand,” Rainbow Dash said, pushing past Twilight and walking to a couch. “I couldn’t take Tank hibernating, I caused some slight damage to the weather factory, ended up doing a few days worht of community service, and now I have a pet fast asleep back at a small hole in the ground.”
“That is what I am confused about,” Twilight said, walking behind Rainbow Dash with an confused look in her eyes. “Tank is just hibernating, its not like he’s dead.”
“Might as well be,” Dash said, turning her head away with a grunt.
“But, he’ll be awake in the Spring! Even I have to deal with Owlowiscious leaving for the winter and Pinkie has Gum-”
With a growl, Rainbow interrupted Twilight, “Because I have said way too many goodbyes in my time. I hate the idea of saying goodbye to anypony.” With another growl, she laid on top of the couch, “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Then help me to understand,” Twilight demanded. “Goodbyes happen, I don’t see how its so bad.”
Slowly Rainbow Dash turned to look at Twilight and then back to the couch, and with a sigh, she began, “Because it feels like I say goodbye to everypony I have ever cared about.” With a small shudder, she continued, “ And when they say goodbye I just...just get so...”
“You get, what?” asked Twilight as she heard her friend trail off.
“Afraid, is that what you want to hear?” asked Rainbow Dash. “I get so afraid that they’ll get themselves into trouble or hurt and I can’t go to save them! I get afraid that when I say “Goodbye” that is the last time I’ll ever see them again. Do you know why I love being the fastest? It isn’t just because its one of the most awesome things in the world, and it isn’t just because of my ego. But being the fastest, it means that I can be there for the ones I care about when they need me the most. So that way, no one ever has to die or leave ever again!”
“But Rainbow Dash, these thing-”
“Don’t you ever get worried about that Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked, glaring daggers into her eyes. “When you left for Ponyville, didn’t you get worried? That when you said goodbye to Shining Armor, that was the last time you would ever say anything to him?”
Twilight let out a sigh as she turned away from her friend, “I won’t lie, I have always feared that. There was always this worry that one day I was going to see a letter that said, ‘Your brother was KIA.’ I’ve always had that fear, Rainbow Dash.” she then let out a soft sigh, “But this is different.”
Rainbow Dash growled, “Oh, yeah? What if he has a heart attack down in that hole and I can’t get him to Fluttershy in time! What if some turtle eating predator sees his hole and thinks, “free tortoise meat, come and get it’! What if he gets stuck? What if, something bad happens bad happens to him and I can’t save him.”
“I think I’m starting to see now,” Twilight said, sitting on the couch with Rainbow Dash and began to run a hoof along her back. “This is more than just about Tank, isn’t it? You are genuinely afraid of saying goodbye to anypony.”
“Funny isn’t it?” Rainbow Dash chuckled as she circled her hoof along the edge of the couch, “Element of Loyalty, and I end up saying goodbye to the people I love the most. What’s worst, I can’t be there for them when they need me! And don’t try the whole ‘you can’t be there for everypony’ speech. I already heard that from Fluttershy a few times before. It doesn’t make the thought any easier.”
“No, I won’t say that,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “I can understand where you are coming from, and I can see why you are so afraid. You feel alone because you think that the moment somepony says goodbye, they leave you for good because something bad happens to them.” At Rainbow’s nod, the princess continued with a sigh, “I wish I could say, it will always be ok, but you know it won’t be true. With that map sending us Celestia knows where, there might come an adventure where we are separated and you go one way while we go another. And we might get into trouble without you there.”
“Yeah, and I might lose yo-” Dash was stopped by a hoof on her lips.
“What’s more, there might come a time when we’ll all say goodbye and we split up. Rarity winds up living in Canterlot, Pinkie makes a new Sugar Cube Corner, and I might take a few years to travel the world on some study quest.”
“You wouldn’t really leave us like that, would you?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking at Twilight.
“I have responsibilities here, but, I don’t think anyone has the power to tell a princess she can’t take a year or two for a sabbatical. But that isn’t the point, the point is, one day we each will have to say goodbye one day. Even you with your dream.”
“Not really, as a Wonderbolt, I can still spend days off, vacations, and off-seasons at home,” Dash looked up at Twilight, who had a shocked look on her face. “What? Just because I don’t study their boring history doesn’t mean I didn’t study what came with the job.”
“I should’ve know,” Twilight said, turning her head away with a soft chuckle before looking back at her friend. “But even with that, we might all have to say goodbye one day and we could get into a ix that you won’t be here for.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“What I am saying is this,” Twilight then took Dash’s hoof to place on her heart, “You have to trust us. That we will be fine out there, and we will see each other again.”
Rainbow Dash could feel some tears beginning to slide down her cheeks, “And what if you don’t? What if you face down a monster you can’t beat without me? What if you guys end dying all alone without me?”
“It could happen just as easily with you there,” Twilight said calmly.
“At least we would be together!” Rainbow Dash objected, the tears running down her cheeks like tiny rivers. Before she could say another word, she felt the tender and warm legs of Twilight wrapped around her and pull her into a tender embrace.
“Do you know why I am not worried?” Twilight said, rubbing Rainbow Dash’s back. “Because, I know you are always with me. And I know, that you would always be by my side when I need you.”
“But I won't, not really. I’ll be just some spirit, ghost, thing. That isn’t-”
“It’s real to me,” Twilight said, wiping a tear from her friend before holding her close again. “It’s real to Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Do you know how I survived knowing that Shining might have died out there without me?”
With a little whimper, Rainbow Dash asked, “H-how?”
“Because I made him promise me that he would come back,” Twilight chuckled with a grin. “And I knew my big brother would never break a promise to me.”
“That’s always a guarantee, you know that,” Rainbow Dash argued pulling away.
“I know, but...” Twilight sighed, “I figured that gave him a reason to try his best to come home safe. That with the idea that he might break a promise to me, he would do everything he could to come home again. It’s kind of how I feel when I have to leave you girls.” At Rainbow’s raised eyebrow, she continued. “When I have to go somewhere, alone, I do remind myself that I have somepony to return to, that I have somepony to come back to that would miss me and...”
“And?” Dash asked.
“I know you girls. If I was in trouble, you would fight Celestia herself to save me. I mean, at first I had been afraid that wouldn’t be the case, but I think...I finally realized that now,” Twilight couldn’t help but giggle. “I mean, Cadence told me how you five spent all three days waiting for me at the mirror.”
“So, how did you figure out something simple like we would be there for you?” Dash asked, trying to see how this all related to her.
“When you came back for me,” Twilight said, thinking about the plants that had invaded their home not too long ago. “You could’ve stayed back, but you came for me. Not as knights saving a princess, but as my friends.”
“So, what does have to do with me?” Dash asked, looking up at Twilight.
Twilight put her foreleg over her friend’s shoulder and pulled her close, “It means, that I know you won’t leave anypony hanging. If we are gone too long, then you’ll be racing to us without a second thought for your own safety like a mainac.”
“But what if I’m too late?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Oh, are you saying that you would allow yourself to be too late for a friend?” Twilight asked, with a playful grin.
Rainbow Dash shook her head conifidentally in response, “Never.” Letting loose a soft sigh, she rubbed Twilight’s hoof, “Hey Twi, thanks for talking with me.”
“No, thank you for helping me to understand a little bit more,” Twilight smiled happily and slowly began to get up.
“Hey, Twi? Mind staying a bit longer? I’m...not ready to say goodbye yet,” Rainbow Dash said, smiling. With a nod, the purple alicorn sat down next to her best friend.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with saying goodbye to those I care about. I will probably always be afraid that something will happen that I can’t stop, but maybe with the help of my friends, I won’t have to worry too much. Maybe I’m not as alone as I thought.”
It is never easy to say goodbye to those we love, even temporarily. But, sometimes, if we have faith and the heart of friends, then maybe saying goodbye won’t be as hard.
Author's Note
This one came up after I was done with the episode, and its mainly from this lyric.
"Doesn't be the one who has to say goodbye."
This said to me, this is a gal who has way to many goodbyes in her life. Too many painful ones where something bad happens when she wasn't there to help them. Stuff like that doest things to a mare, so I decided to check it out. It was also to deal with my own problems with saying goodbye,
I really hate it...because I want to help so much.
