The Vending Machine

by Script

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 1858

Canterlot High has many working vending machines, the one in the cafeteria, however doesn't work. If only Sunset knew that .

When Sunset Shimmer wastes three dollars on peanut butter crackers, only to not get them, she's fuming. And she's willing to do anything to get them back. Anything .

With the help of her friends, can she get the peanut crackers, or will she let it slip?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-09 16:50:02 UTC

Fucking Vending Machines

Canterlot High's cafeteria was buzzing with loud teenagers and one or two teachers that day. It was raining cats and dogs outside so time to talk in the yard was not an option.

The next option was to move the older students to the cafeteria to talk, while the younger ones were sent to the school auditorium.

The tables in the cafeteria were filled with teenagers, but one in particular caught the eye.

The table itself was relatively average, with four seats on each side, and steel metal pipes holding it up.

The people sitting on the table, however, were not average in the slightest.

The diverse group of friends talked amongst themselves idly.

The ever so popular Rarity and the not so popular Applejack were having a rather boring talk about the school musical, which everyone knew would escalate into a rather interesting argument about something strange, like how yesterday's argument was about cats (Rarity) and dogs (Applejack),  or maybe like last weeks a argument about whether rain was better for business than sun.

Next to them sat the nerdy Twilight Sparkle and the sporty Rainbow Dash, who were talking about sport strategies and statistics, one of the only subjects they could talk about together without one them getting bored.

Across from them sat Fluttershy, who was rather shy, Pinkie Pie, who was rather outgoing, and Sunset Shimmer, who was neither.

They were having a very one-sided conversation of all the mean things Sunset ever did to Fluttershy, and by one-sided I mean Pinkie pie and Fluttershy were talking while Sunset Shimmer cringed.

"And then there was that time she blew up your locker."

"Oh, I remember that! I went home laughing so much I cried! It was very funny."

"How? How was that funny?"

"If you got Cloudchaser to go around here and Fleetfoot to go the other way, then you'd have enough time to go here and pass the ball to Soarin'."

"Geez, how did I not notice that?! We should have done that last match!"

"Blah blah blah lines."

"Blah blah blah accent."

Sunset Shimmer got up suddenly, and began to worm her way around the student body.

"Where's she going?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"To the vending machine."

Rainbow tilted her head .

"Doesn't she know?"

"Revenge," Fluttershy shrugged.

"Cruel."

"Revenge," Fluttershy corrected.

Twilight looked at the two of them.

"What's going on? What's cruel?"

"Revenge," Fluttershy corrected again.

Rainbow shook her head.

"You'll see."

The group of friends watched as Sunset Shimmer put three dollars in the machine, picked a bar, and nothing came out.

She hit it twice but to no avail.

She retreated back to the table.

"I can't believe this. I payed that fucker three dollars for peanut butter crackers. Why me?"

"Revenge," Fluttershy said, incredibly happy.

"'Revenge! Revenge! Is that all you can say?' Are you sure that's what I say, Applejack?"

"Pretty sure, sugar cube," Applejack snickered, not actually realizing what was happening around them.

"But, darling, in the play I'm not in this scene. How am I supposed to say that if I'm not there?"

Applejack sighed.

"Would Ah lie to you? Ah promised to help you with your lines, didn't Ah?" Applejack lied, unconvincingly.

Rainbow Dash snapped her fingers twice.

"Uh, hello? Earth to Thing One and Thing Two? Something's happening?"

Applejack and Rarity looked up at everyone on the table with sheepish grins.

"Uh, sorry..?"

"Do continue, we're listening."

Twilight shook her head.

"This is stupid. How is losing three dollars revenge?! It's just three dollars!"

Everyone at the table gasped.

Applejack leaned forward until she was inches from Twilight's face.

"Do you know how much three dollars can buy?"

Twilight face palmed.

"I miss twenty-one year old Applejack."

She thought about it for a second.

"Actually, never mind."

Rainbow Dash got up.

"Don't worry, Sunset, I'll get it."

She stretched.

"Watch this."

They watched as Rainbow Dash walked with a certain cocky swagger towards the vending machine.

Applejack raised an eyebrow as Rainbow Dash shook the machine angrily.

"She ain't gon' do it, is she?"

Fluttershy shook her head.

"Well, two birds with one stone, I suppose."

Twilight looked at her quizzically.

"When was she mean to you?"

"She hasn't asked me out yet."

"... Oh.... Uh, I better warn our Rainbow Dash about that. Twenty year olds are a lot meaner than sixteen year olds."

"I mean, we kissed in Middle School, so why won't she ask me out? It's not like everyone doesn't ship us. I mean-"

"Darling, I'd love to listen more, as I'm sure everyone would-"

"Not really."

"Do shut up, Applejack. As I was saying, all of us would love to hear about your... Romantic endeavors, but I'm afraid we'll wait until our next spa Wednesday, yes? Oh, here she comes!"

Rainbow Dash walked back to the table, defeated and embarrassed.

"What's wrong, Dashie?"

Dash glared at Pinkie, who wasn't paying attention to the conversation up to that point.

"Nothing, Pinkie. Nothing but that fucking vending machine-"

Sunset Shimmer quickly covered Pinkie's ears.

"Are you trying to ruin her innocence?!" she hissed.

"-eyes on the floor like Ms Cake is being a whore, apples to the core?-"

She removed her hands.

"Never mind. The rapping industry has already ruined it. Now can we please think of a way to get my peanut-butter crackers?"

Twilight got up.

"I have an idea. But I'm going to need three dollars."

Pinkie quickly pulled three dollars out her pocket and handed them to Twilight before following her to the vending machine.

Rainbow Dash grinned.

"I have got to see this."

She was soon followed by Sunset Shimmer and Rarity.

Applejack scratched the back of her head.

"Uh, man the fort, aye, Flutters?"

"Aye, aye, cap'n."

Fluttershy whipped out her phone.

"Go on, leave my presence."

Applejack joined the group at the vending machine just in time to see Twilight puncture the code for peanut-butter crackers.

The machine whirred and the packet began to rotate, pushing Sunset's packet towards the very edge. They all braced themselves for its fall, but right as it neared the very edge, it stopped.

They all sighed in unison.

Rarity shook her head.

"I suppose there's only one thing for it," Rarity sighed as she got into a fighting stance, "I'd stand back if I were you."

They all took a step back as Rarity reared back her leg. It shot up in milliseconds and, in a forceful kick that would break ribs if connected, kicked the glass.

The entire bottom shelf collapsed, and tons of packets of goods fell from the heavens and into the pocket at the bottom, but the crackers never moved.

"Well, and excuse my French, but shit."

Pinkie Pie patted Sunset on the back.

"Very sorry for your loss, Sunset. I'm sure he was delicious."

Sunset Shimmer sniffed, but quickly composed herself.

"No, there's still a chance."

Twilight face palmed.

"You're kidding. It's three dollars! I can't believe this. I am so glad I didn't meet my version of you guys in High School."

They weren't listening, however, as Pinkie was trying to reach into the machine and grab the crackers.

"Almost...got it..."

She sighed and retracted her arm.

"I rarely say this, but he's a goner. It's impossible."

Everyone cringed at Pinkie giving up.

They then stared at Applejack, who was inspecting the machine with sudden interest.

Sunset Shimmer grabbed her by the collar of her plaid shirt and pulled her towards her.

"What?! What is it?! Is there a chance?!"

Applejack's eyes darted back and forth nervously.

"It's pretty risky."

Sunset pulled her closer.

"Anything."

Beads of sweat covered her brow.

"Ah mean the type of risky that could land mah ass in jail."

"Anything."

"Seriously? Ya really wanna risk that?"

"Are you deaf, AJ? I said anything."

Applejack sighed and began to pull the vending machine from the wall and unplugged it. Then she took her hat off of her head and placed it on Rarity's.

Everyone watched as she pulled the fire alarm.

The water came down quickly and began to drown the panicked student body and staff as they ran out of the cafeteria.

When they were finally alone, Applejack reached into Pinkie's hair and pulled out a pair of scissors and a screwdriver.

Rainbow was the first to speak.

"What the hell was that."

"Shut up, Dash, Ah'm working."

She knelt down and began to unscrew the frame.

Rarity adjusted the hat on her head, which was protecting her hair from the downfall of man made rain.

"That rumor Sunset spread about you having fleas better not be true."

Applejack glared at Sunset.

"Whut rumor?"

"Exactly! What rumor?! Keep working!"

Applejack grumbled something about not having lice as she worked.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy sat alone amongst the sea of empty, wet tables, happily playing flappy bird.

Then, she accidentally tapped the screen, and the bird died.

As her score of a hundred and seventy-five flashed on the screen, tears began to form in her eyes.

"He was so young!" she sobbed.

Back at the vending machine, Applejack, with a little moral support from Pinkie and Twilight, lifted the glass screen from the front and tossed it at an unprepared Rainbow Dash, who struggled to stay standing as she fiddled with the glass.

Applejack then grabbed the two loose peanut-butter crackers handed them to Sunset and Pinkie respectively.

"There, ya happy now?"

"Very."

"Good, 'cos I'm goin' to kill ya after I get back from fuckin' juvy!"

Sunset Shimmer took a few steps back, but slipped on a puddle of water on the floor.

"Heh heh, can't we talk about this? That rumor is water under the bridge, well it would be, if it was true, which it isn't...!"

Applejack growled, but stopped when a pale blue hand reassuringly squeezed her shoulder.

"I wouldn't worry about going to juvenile detention, Miss Smith. After all, you did fix our vending machine."

Applejack slowly turned to see Vice Principal Luna and Principal Celestia.

"Cursing, and threatening another student however..."

"Dammit," she muttered,"Please don't tell Granny!" she begged.

"They don't have ta!"

Applejack cringed as her Granny came ambling towards them.

Granny Smith grabbed her by the ear and yanked her out of the cafeteria.

Rainbow snickered and set down the glass screen.

"Y'know you still have her hat, right, Rares?"

Rarity held the hat close to her heart.

"Quite the gentle-er girl, isn't she?"

"Fuck!"

Everyone turned to Sunset. Rainbow spoke first.

"What's up?"

"I just remembered I have a fucking peanut allergy. Can you believe it?  After all of that."

Fluttershy came up to them.

"There. Revenge. I'm starving can we go someplace to eat? I-If you want of course."

She grinned sheepishly, and they all laughed.

Twilight chuckled a bit but frowned.

"Poor Applejack, though."

Rainbow pffted.

"Oh please, they'll love her in detention."

"No talking, no eating, and no reading or doing homework. Now, I'm going to  watch soap opera's in the office."

They all watched as he left.

Applejack turned to the five people  behind her .

"So, uh, who are you guys?"

"We're the breakfast club...."