"I told you children not to interrupt by beauty sleep unless its an emergency." says the bodybuilder while flexing his muscles.

This guy's oily voice makes your skin crawl, its like this guy has been drinking a whole barrels of oil that he didn't use on his body.

"But master wizard, we are being attacked!"

"Master wizard?" Oh you almost didn't notice the long horn on his forehead. Now the wizard turns his attention to you.

"Oh, I see. Princess Twilight, a pleasure to meet you." he says with an aroused laugh.

Jesus, this guy for real?

"What are you doing here, other than making people uncomfortable?" asks Twilight.

"I suppose I could tell you that much....we were merely planning to attack Ponyville and kill everyone in it."

"What? Why?"

"I don't really have to explain that, because we are going to kill you, Princess." he says, still flexing.

"Why don't you try it?!" Twilight teleports near the muscle wizard.

"Twilight, no!" you try to run, but the cultists are blocking your way.

"Get out of the way assholes!" you punch through the cultists, but there are so many of them.

Twilight used Magic Missiles! Its not very effective.....

"Why isn't it working?" Twilight is bewildered.

The wizard laughs and rips off last bit of clothing covering his chest. Revealing some sort of crystal embedded into where his heart is supposed to be.

"MAGIC CRYSTALS, PRINCESS! They harden in response to magical trauma." he smashes the ground.

"You can't hurt me Twilight."

Twilight readies another spell, but the wizard grabs her by the throat.

"Played magic school ball you know!"

"At some lousy Unicorn school!" Twilight retorts.

"I'm not one of those Unicorn weaklings. I can break Princess Celestia in two, WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

"DON'T FUCK WITH THIS WIZARD!" the wizard throws Twilight like a baseball.

You manage to catch a screaming Twilight in your arms before she hits the ground.

"Damn, you alright Twilight?" you ask.

"I think so..." she blushes.

Alright, time to end this. You start walking towards the wizard.

"HEY YOU!"

"Oh my~" says the half naked wizard. He starts scanning you up and down.

"Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm, look at you, you might make a fine member of our little coven. What do you say?"

"Sorry, I wish to keep my sanity."

The wizard and the cultists sneer and laugh at you.

"Oh what a shame, you would look fine in one of our specially designed outfits."

[Shuddering intensifies]

You really can't take this anymore.

"Can we skip to the part where I kill you already?" you ask.

"Feisty little one aren't you? Very well, I'll finish you off myself." says the wizard. He suddenly makes a real familiar crouching pose.

Wait, he is not going to go all kamehameha on you right?

The naked wizard starts charging up some kind of magical power ball in his hands, a pretty big one.

Yes, he actually is pulling that shit right now, go figure. However, he is not aiming at you, but at Twilight and Rarity.

"Sonovabitch!" you make a mad dash to stand between them and the wizard.

The huge beam of magic hits you just in time to save Twilight and Rarity. The area of impact explodes with a blue fireball.

"ANON!"

You emerge from the smoke coughing and trying to clear the smoke away. Your shirt disintegrated with most of your pants.

"You asshole, those were my favorites!"

"Impossible! how did you survive that?" the wizard asks with a confused look on his face.

"Hey, you got your bullshit, I've got mine."

"NO MATTER, I will kill you with my bare hands!" shouts the wizard.

You put your fists up. Finally, you can end this madness.

"Eeeeeee~" squeals Rarity.

"What are you so excited about, Rarity?" asks Twilight.

"Two hot and burly half-naked men fighting each other?"

"Oh."

"You won't be able to hurt me anyway, fool, its useless!" says the wizard.

You grab him by the throat and start beating the living crap out of him.

"WAIT...WAIT!" pleads the wizard. Now his face is swollen and bleeding, his good looks nowhere to be found now.

"Whats up?"

"You still won't be able to kill me you barbarian, my crystal will heal me back up." he grins.

"Oh you mean that thing on your chest?" you ask.

You grab the magic crystal on his chest and rip it out, Temple of Doom style.

"Maybe you should have worn armor or something to cover that up." you crush his crystal heart in your hands.

"Good....point." the wizard spits out his last breath.

The wizard collapses on his back. The rest of the cultists look at each other and run away screaming like little girls.

"Already?" Rarity asks with a hint of disappointment.

"I swear this never happened to me before."

Wait, what are you talking about.

"So, that is over. I guess Ponyville is safe." Twilight breaths easy now.

"Not quite."

You quickly turn your head towards the voice. An elderly looking unicorn man appeared out of nowhere.

"Who is this guy?" you quickly get ready to fight again.

"Wait, its impossible, you should be dead!" says Twilight.

"You know who he is?"

"STAR SWIRL THE BEARDED!"

"YES I AM!" shouts the wizard happily.

Pretty spry for an old guy.

"I am happy that people still remember me." chuckles the bearded wizard.

"I-I am re-rea-really honored, I'm...." Twilight stutters.

"I'm sorry princess, but I don't have much time, I am just here to warn you."

Star Swirl talks briefly about some kind of apocalyptic deity and his followers that are about to attack Equestria soon. Mr Exhibitionist you just killed must have been one of them.

"I guess that covers everything, goodbye princess." says Star Swirl.

"Wait, I still have so many question-"

"HAIL TO YOU!" shouts the wizard before disappearing.

"That was weird." you scratch your head.

"Quick, we must warn the others!"

Apparently, the god of the apocalypse Star Swirl the bearded talked about was real. You never saw Princess Celestia panic this way before. Equestria is about to get ready for war.

A day after those shenanigans. Rarity invites you to her workshop to fix you some new clothes. You knock and head inside.

"Hey Rarity, where are you?"

"Over here darling, come inside." you hear her voice from a different room.

"Yeah, thanks for inviting me, I really need some new clothes after- what the?"

The room is dimly lit by different candles, there is a large frilly heart shaped bed in the middle of it. There are various 'toys' on the bed, some of them you didn't even know it existed.

You hear the door slam behind you.

"You won't need your clothes right now, darling~"

"Ra- SWEET JESUS, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"

Rarity is wearing a full leathery dominatrix getup, complete with a riding crop and a ball gag in her hands. She is looking at you with eyes of a sadist.

"I thought I should thank you for saving me that day, hero, do you like my new outfit?" she asks while handling that riding crop.

"Listen Rarity, I-"

"That's MISTRESS Rarity to you, NOW GET ON YOUR KNEES, SLAVE!"

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!

That day, you learned that there are positions in this world that were not meant to be performed.

Next day.

You are still a bit sore on places that aren't meant to be sore. You agreed to help Twilight sort out some things in her castle so she can research about this new threat. When you reach the castle, you see Spike the baby dragon come out of it.

"Whats up Spike?" you ask.

"You can ask Twilight about that, she suddenly wanted me to leave the castle for the rest of the day." he sighs.

"Why? Aren't you helping her with research?"

"That's the thing, she is already done with the research." Spike shrugs before leaving.

You already have a bad feeling about this. You enter the castle, it seems empty alright.

"Twilight?"

"I'm in the throne room, Anonymous!"

Okay, but why is she in the throne room, not the library?

"Uh, I just saw Spike out, what did you need me for?"

You hear the large door slam magically behind you, this seems awfully familiar.

"Come my champion, you may approach my throne~"

You see Twilight sitting on her throne legs crossed, she is wearing her princess crown and a see-through dress you never seen her wear before.

"T...Twilight?"

"How dare you address a princess in such manner! I should punish you......hold on."

She picks up a book, the title of the book is "LETS GET KINKY: A beginner's guide to roleplaying."

"What's that?" you ask.

Twilight throws the book away and starts catwalking towards you.

"Oh my brave knight, you were so dashing when you saved me from that villain~" Twilight speaks in a manner you never heard from her before. What the hell was she reading?

"But I have a final task for you my champion, RAVISH ME!"

"Twi- WHOA!" back of your knees hit something and you land on a bed, where the hell did the bed come from?

"I WANT YOU TO SERVE ME WITH YOUR BODY, MY CHAMPION!" Twilight teleports on top of you, pinning you down.

NOT AGAIN!

You know those typical stories about the dashing knight and the princess in distress? Well, today you played the part of the princess.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

Author's Note

RULES OF MAGIC!