Me, Myself, and the Bitch Gravity
I, among many, would think the universe to be complex, amazingly diverse, and quite beautiful. I, among others, are wrong. The universe is an angry, simplistic, egocentric bitch who, decided one day, GRAVITY, is a good idea. It's nice to have around, it is really, holds a lot of stuff together, but it tends to be an asshole, a lot. I may be a bit biased on this matter, but that's mostly because right now I’m desperately trying NOT to be crushed under my own weight.
Yea, Imagine my surprise when I find myself in Equestria (first hint? Canterlot mountain, ain't hard to miss, even in a forest), then, not even a second later, I start constricting myself. Imagine the feeling of popping a zit or pimple, then imagine the painful feeling all over. Most would start screaming, panicking, the usual. I didn't. Kinda seen this coming really. Not the nicest person in the world, nor been treated the nicest. And, being one that thinks off of logic with a bit of theory thrown in, I expected death-by-Equestrian-gravity would be the best way to go.
But, like my grandfather when he went, my life flashed by my eyes. All of it, birth to my twentieth birthday. From High school nicknames (Sideburns, one effect of being Irish: stereotypes), to my continuing study of animation at UOIT. And of course, My Little Pony. Yup, brony. I was never one of those guys who would select a favorite pony and defend him/her as if Hitler himself wanted him/her dead. Mostly, I would agree, tell them my side, and ask for theirs. For a time however, Rainbow Dash was my favorite. Remembering the prismatic pony sparked something in the universe. No, it was not lust, I was never and still am not into clop, even with what happened next.
Our "friendly" neighborhood bitchy universe decided to throw me a curve ball then, and I caught it with both hands. I felt the crushing weight lift from my everywhere in abandon for a new feeling. A bright white light surrounded my body. Inside the Whatever-The-Fuck-This-Is I had so promptly named it, I could feel my body changing and when I got out; I was changed. I had shut my eyes in pain before, but with it gone now, I opened them quickly.
When my eyes opened I found myself looking down at two cyan hooves. I could see in my vision a length of red, orange, and yellow hair as well as a small blue muzzle. It took me a second to realize I had turned into Rainbow Dash.
My inner fan-boy exploded, and my logical side of my mind went to take a dump.
I fell on my haunches (never thought I'd say that) and began looking myself over. Cyan fur, rainbow mane, wings (eeeeeeee! Yes, men squee, fuck off), rainbow tail. As I soon found out, my inner fan-boy rebuilt himself and an idea formed in my mind. If I looked like RD, should I sound like her? And there could be no better word.
"Awesome..."
My inner fan-boy, again, went up like the fourth of July (for you Americans that is, Canadian here). The voice was identical right down to the vocal chord. I jumped to my hooves and began reciting every line I remembered from the show. I had no idea I was also flying until I stopped myself on another realization, which caused me to drop several meters. The realization? If I turned into Rainbow, what was stopping me from turning into the rest of the Mane6? I pictured the next pony on my list, Applejack, in my mind. Of course, if I were to be in any other situation, my core logic would have listed off multiple reasons why that would be a load of bullshit and usually the universe would back up those claims. But, that was not the case. My logic was still on the shitter and the universe seemed to be taking a nap. Within the Whatever-The-Fuck-This-Is, I shifted into a much bulkier pony. When it faded, I found myself as Applejack, stetson and all. Strange, I would have thought clothes wouldn't appear as well. I attempted differently, picturing an Applejack without a hat, I tried again. Still, I had the hat. No matter, all the better actually.
I spent the next hour turning from pony to pony, everypony I had seen in the show. It was like a dressing room. Each mare, stallion, filly, and colt, exactly the same (yes, I even checked down there, kinda wished I hadn't. Tit's in the wrong spot, ugh its weird). In my excitement, my core logic returned from his unfortunate bowel movement and got back to work. Immediately, the realization of me being in a forest struck. And within most forests in Equestria, and most video games, monsters of multiple sorts stuck around. Thought's of Timber Wolves, Manticores, Dragons, and oddly enough, the last giant from Dark Souls. At the moment, I was in the middle of the transformation between Doctor Whooves and Roseluck when I felt my body change again into something much different. My limbs extended, claws formed and my body shifted. When the light faded, I found myself being the last giant hims- er, itself? Did that thing even HAVE a gender? While staring at my new claws and black appendages (NOT THAT ONE!), my logic came to another conclusion (I need to pay this guy mor- wait NO! Fuck off! my text brackets).
I could, and probably can, turn into ANYTHING, binding under the rule it isn't human or human nature too much, gravity and all.
So, what did I do? I went nuts.
Everything, from Skyrim dragons to werewolves from The Order: 1886, to aliens from Alien and even a bloody APE! A song popped into my head whilst I went through every badass creature I knew, it went along the lines of this. Never into Hedley, but I'll be damned if this didn't fit the bill.
But, during my excitement, I almost failed to notice the smoke rising in the distance. When I did though, it looked as if a volcano was having a bad day. Stopping mid stride as an Agnaktor from Monster Hunter 3, I sniffed the air. Even with a face made of fire, I could smell burning wood. My house caught fire one time, and this smelt no different. My logic and the other half of my head concluded together:
They might need help, I have badass game-breaking superpowers, and I haven't done my nice deed of the day.
Though, the also concluded I couldn't just stride up there with not a care in the world as something or other from hell. I need a form they won't scream at.
I need a pony.
Of course, I had an OC already. But, he was a unicorn, and I found out previously I suck at magic, and flying, and being a duck and/or marshmallow and/or chicken. So, goal in mind, I imagined an OC based on my human form (Which I never plan on seeing again, no way gravity, you ain't killing this soul). I imagined a slightly taller than average grey earth pony stallion, not Big Macintosh style, but like a cross between him and Cadence style. I also didn't share his hoof style. I pictured a disheveled blond-going-on-bleach mane and short tail like my human hair with lengthy side burns going down my head to my lower jaw as well as some light scruff along my face. For comedy's sake, and because my eyes actually did that sometimes, I gave him one silver eye, one gold. For some reason, my eyes cycled through multiple colors of the spectrum each day. Isn't the weirdest thing ever though, knew a guy who's hands couldn't stop peeling skin. Image in mind, I felt the familiar Whatever-The-Fuck-This-Is (I need a better name, how about... DELTA! Yea, ok, that works) Delta surround me. And, out flashed me.
Giving myself a once over, I found everything to be in order...
...except I forgot a Cutie Mark.
Correcting myself, I flashed through the Delta again and on my flank, a pile of black dust. Or... ash... or something. I had imagined a delta symbol to appear on my flank but I got this. I... guess my name is Dust.
Works for me.
New body, new name, goal in mind, sprinted towards the rising pillar of smoke.
It seems as fate would have it, the town was closer than expected. I remember (and memorized, cause that's me) the Equestrian map saying stuff about this place. Hollow Shades. Never appeared on the show, I don't think. But, there was no time for memory, as I found the town under siege by Changelings.
When I stepped into the town, I noticed a few things. All the houses lined the outside of the forest in a big ring. Most of said houses were on fire. In the center, lots of Changelings pillaged and plundered general house appliances and furniture from the burning buildings, creating mounds of general stuff. Most, or if not all, of the town population were rounded up and on their knees in the open field center. And among them, the Elements of Harmony, bound and gagged in green snotty shit. Finally, to top it all off, Queen Chrysalis stood in the center, Fluttershy held by hoof, ready to suck the emotions out of her and run her dry. I could tell the Elements were trying to put on a brave face, even Flutters, but even I could smell the fear coming from them.
What a Monday.
Shrugging, I casually walked into the town. I didn't seem to draw much attention to myself. Seeing on how I was halfway to Chrysalis, already thinking of a monster to bury her with before Changelings started to take notice. To my amusement (and amazement) they started to back off, as if I radiated power or something. I just kept smiling and made it a few more feet- er, trots I think the measurement is, before Chrysalis stopped freaking out Fluttershy and turned on me.
"Sup" I said under my breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear. The Changelings seemed to take this as a threat or something and started hissing loudly. Chrysalis on the other ha- hoof, approached me slowly and, bleh, seductively. But as a final act, she tail slapped Fluttershy. Hard. Even from here, I could see the tears beginning to run down her cheeks.
I swear I could hear the thousands, if not millions, of bronies screaming in rage from where I stood. Even I knew the rule, and my own rage built up under my calm mask. NOPONY. MAKES. FLUTTERSHY. CRY. Even so, her tone of voice only made me madder on how toxic it felt.
Chrysalis, being the emotivore she is, must have smelled my rage. Laughing, she made me more mad, "Oh, is the knight in shining armor here to save his precious princess?" She turned back to the Mane6, brushing against the bound Twilight and moving along the rest of the row. "How noble of him. I wonder, which one of you is his princess?" She put a hoof on Fluttershy's cheek, and swiftly cut it. I watched the blood flow from the open wound, the rest of the group in horror, and, as any self respecting brony would do, my anger exploded and my calm demeanor dropped for one of blinding rage. "We have a winner" Chrysalis cooed from her mouth.
Yea, I got the perfect one for you, bitch. Approaching slowly, I attempted to give her a final choice before I burned her to a husk, "If you stop now, lay down your hooves, I won't burn you alive" I may have put a bit more anger than necessary into that final part, but I could care less. Chrysalis just laughed, "You? A measly dirt pony? Ha!"
I only smiled as I activated the Delta. I took as long and as slow as I possibly could. I felt every inch of my pony body turn to black bone. I felt every bone form and shape into hind cloven hooves and claws on my hands. I felt my tail turn to one of flesh and black bone. I felt wings grow into black leathery membranes. I. FELT my core BURN in rage as my entire new body heated to hotter than the sun. When the delta disappeared, hell itself appeared. I could feel no greater satisfaction than seeing the face of Chrysalis as I turned into the Balrog from the Lord Of The Rings. Back on earth, it may not be all that scary, but here? Out in the open like this? All the stuff they've seen looks like something out of a foal's book compared to the form I took. If that wasn't enough, I stood a good six times her height, wings not included. All I did next was fall onto my fists, shaking everything from here to Canterlot like an earthquake, and roar in her face. Like the movie, my mouth looked like the inside of a heated forge, and probably burned like one too. When my echoing roar stopped, she lacked both mane and tail and seemed to be slightly singed from the neck up, her eyes pinpricks. Like all comedy scenes, her minions turned tail and ran while she fainted on the spot.
Reactivating the Delta, I turned back into Dust. I wasn't actually going to kill her, no, that wouldn't be nice. However the massive headache and drain I felt made me think it to be preferable. 'All superheroes have their limits' echoed through my mind. I promptly told it to shut the fuck up. Flashing into a griffon, I cut away the snotty shit on the elements before flashing back. I made note of their still shocked faces before passing out myself from power drain.
When I awoke, I found myself on a train. The click-clak of wheels on rails was familiar, but the position I found myself not. Lying on my back, staring at the train car ceiling. Through my peripheral vision I could see the familiar seating of a MLP train. Lifting an appendage, I saw the familiar sight of a grey hoof. Groaning and letting it fall limp, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the pounding headache I'm having. I felt a tingle in my head and reopened my eyes. The headache was gone. Turning, I came face to face with Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Right, control inner fan-boy here. Sitting up, I mumbled a measly thanks and rubbed my eyes. Blinking a few times, I looked into the eyes of Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity, all looking at me expectantly, as if they wondered if I could breathe or something. Giving a puzzled look, I asked, 'Why are you staring at me?"
The six mares blushed and looked away. Applejack, ever the one to step up, was the first to recover. "Well uhh, we we're kinda expectin..."
"You expected me to be a Changeling or something didn't you?" I finished for her. I have a feeling this is going to be like Bridle Gossip all over again. The mares before me nodded slowly, and I sigh'd, leaning back in the seat.
"What.. are you? Exactly?" This came from Twilight, who, in their moment of embarrassment summoned up a paper and quill.
I moved to say human, but that's not true is it? I guess... I'm everything? Right Dust, just go with the tried and true. "I, guess you can say I'm a Delta. Name's Dust, by the way"
Twilight scribbled down a few things before asking, "And what is a Delta?"
I have no idea how to answer that, "I... have no idea how to answer that" I say, much to her disappointment, "I guess you can say I'm everyone"
"Every-one? That's impossible!" She recoils with a disbelieving tone. My comedy sensor 10,000 goes off and a little idea pops into my mind. Activating the Delta, I turn into a familiar pink pony and in a voice of bubbly fun ask, "Is it really?"
I get the reaction I had hoped for, five out of six of the mares gasped and one gaped in awe. Of course, the pink pony herself comes after me next. "Ohmygoodnessyou'reme!Me!Me!Me!ME! Ooooo do Twilight! No, Rarity! No, Rainbow Dash! Ooooo this is so aweso-" She's cut off by a hoof-in-mouth courtesy of Applejack. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash is next in line.
"Hey! Can you turn into me?" I nod and flash the Delta, two prismatic mares smile. I flick my ear as I hear Twilight recover and start scribbling down note after note. Rainbow draws the Rainbow-me's attention again, "You did a griffon right?" I nod, and flash up a standard male griffon. "How about a Minotaur?" Flash. "Zebra?" Flash. "How about a dra--" I cut her off with a hoof in her mouth, and turn back to Dust. Pointing, I get the attention of everypony who isn't Twilight. Said pony is hell-bent on writing everything in her notebook. I turn and give everypony a devious smile. Flashing the Delta, I change into none other than Princess Celestia. Looking back, I managed to catch the five ponies move to bow, and snicker as they awkwardly correct themselves. Quietly making my way to Twilight, who is writing even faster than before. I slowly and gracefully push the notepad downwards, giving her a warm princess smile.
"Princess? Wha- when did you get here?" She stammers. Since she doesn't fold, I'm guessing the ponies behind me are holding in their laughter. Lifting her chin so her eyes meet mine, I give her the best bedroom eyes I can muster. It seems to work as she blushes red. "I need to tell you something, Twilight" I moan.
Blushing down her body, her wings ruffle as I lean in closer. "Wha.. what?" She whispers.
I balance on my hind hooves and bring a second hoof up to her face. Caressing her cheek, I bring myself even closer. She leans in, expecting the soft touch on what happens next.
As quick as lightning, I pull back my left hoof and poke her in the nose, "Boop!"
Twilight falls back, scrunching her muzzle out of her control and making a hilarious face. The ponies behind me burst into laughter. Switching back to Dust, I fall into the train seat and laugh with them. Though I can tell someponies enjoyed it more than others (Blue Wing Boner, Twelve O'clock), even a non-prankster like Rarity laughed.
The rest of the train ride I spent answering questions as best I could without going into detail about humans. I may have shown a Balrog to them, but humans can be far worse (Looking at you Hitler) and I'd rather not share with them what happened the last century. Even so, during the train ride, we laughed and got to know each-other a bit before sunset. We slept the rest of the way to Canterlot.
*Sigh*
I used sleep on the Go-train a lot. UOIT is in Oshawa, and I live in Toronto. Why do I not go to a Toronto University? Well, I don't go to ANY university now do I? Anyway, sleeping on a train is no problem for me, but waking up? Hell. No.
I am not a morning person (Pony?). I'm one of those guys with two alarm clocks to wake them up. One beside on my night stand (the one I usually replace), and one in the hallway attached to a speaker. Many people used to tell me 'Drink coffee, you'll wake up faster' or something along those lines. One constant though, coffee. I hate coffee.
So, imagine this. I just woke up on a train, in a sleeping car. The beds, probably the most comfortable beds ever, and a pink ball of annoying fluff is trying to wake me up. Not only that, she is trying to tempt me with coffee. One half of my mind is screaming to get up. I only learned last night we're heading for Canterlot, the Princesses want a report on what happened. The other half is screaming to incinerate the coffee. Then there's the tiny voice in the back of my head fan-gaziming that Pinkie Pie is trying to wake me up. Many in my situation would try to be nice to the pink party pony, wake up politely. Yea... no. I groaned, punched the coffee pot in her hooves with enough force to send it across the cart and flopped out of my bed.
I slept on the upper bunk.
Yea. Bunk beds in a sleeper car, forgot about that. Though something broke my-- UP! Up up up you IDIOT!
When I fell, I landed on Pinkie Pie. Unfortunately, my muzzle (never thought I'd say that) landed on her ass. The cotton candy and frosting smell isn't what made me move though. Being taller than average... *Sigh*, mornings. I'm just gonna leave this one up for imagination.
After I got up from a blushing Pinkie, we swore never to speak of this again. She went to get some paper towels while I went to the washroom to wash my face off.
I ended up taking a full shower.
I could go on for hours on what this train car bathroom looked like, but I'm not. Let's just say Leonidas would rise from the dead with another three hundred Spartans and lay siege to even use the toilet in here. After my full body cleansing I gave myself a once over in the mirror, and walked out. I have absolutely no idea where anything is, so I just walked through each car. I ended up passing a few guards oddly enough. They gave me a few looks but none asked for anything. My brain (mostly) woke up by now, so this gave me something to think on as I passed through the cart I woke up in yesterday. The guards are either here because Sparkle-butt is, or it's a royal train. Passing through the next set of doors, the latter seemed best.
A large, long table with every breakfast food you could ask for sat dead center. Royal tapestries (because Princess Cutie Marks) hung along the walls. Crystal lights floated above the table shining in white rays. Guards posted beside me and across the hall wore expressionless faces as the six mares at the table dug into their food. Pinkie and Rainbow sat at the end nearest to me while AJ and Rarity made the middle. Fluttershy sat across from an empty seat, most likely for me, and Twilight made up the end. Twilight must have noticed me arrive as she wordlessly waved me over, her mouth stuffed with some fruit. I walked over and took the empty seat, Rarity to my right. Swallowing, Twilight gestured to the food in front of us, "What would you like?"
Not one to refuse generosity, I gestured to some pancakes. She levitated some over and I mumbled a thanks. This seemed to slightly annoy Rarity as she turned on me with a scowl.
"Good sir she is royalty! You should show your thanks with some more enthusiasm!"
Did I mention I'm not a morning person? I think I did. Regardless, I'm not in full mental capacity yet. Therefore, I show'd my thanks by slapping a blueberry pancake on Rarity's horn. "Thank you"
Of course, this sprouted a wave of laughter from the girls. Rarity only frowned and stuck her nose up, pancake unmoved. I joined the laughter.
We sat and ate for a while, though a few times I caught the guards giving me looks for talking to Twilight in such a calm manner. Having known Twilight since season one (not that I'm ever gonna mention that) I never started calling her Princess Twilight. Though what broke their mental seal was when I activated the Delta again. Rainbow Dash grabbed the last cinnamon bun before I could. When the Delta flashed, I turned myself into Discord. Of course, this elected gasps from everypony, guards included. I used the moment to grab the cinnamon bun with my tail and drop it on my plate. Flashing back I happily ate the treat. Did they forget I could do that or something?
Well, yes and no. The six mares calmed upon me returning to normal, but the four guards had spears at my head in three seconds. I looked to Sparkle, and she met my gaze as if she hadn't noticed the pointy over-sized toothpicks. It took her a minute under the gazes of everypony else before she signaled the guards off. We finished our meal a few moments later and walked back into the train car from yesterday, I presume this is the lounge passenger car. I picked a seat away from everypony on the left side near the window. Immediately, I came into view of Canterlot as we rounded a section of the mountains, we aren't there yet, not by any means, but were getting close.
I felt a light weight on the couch beside me, looking over, I found Fluttershy.
"Hello"
"H-hello" She whispers, "Umm... Can I ask you something? I mean... if that's okay with you..."
How could I say no? "Yes, what's on your mind?"
"Why did you g-get so mad w-when Chrysalis.... umm..." She blushes, a lot. Scared or in love I don't care. My father said this once, and I won't let it go unheard.
I shift so I'm looking at her better, I give her a small smile. "A ma- pony once said 'Those who do not watch the wronged cannot become those who can, and those who help the wronged, become those who can't'. It means, if you see someone being wronged and you only watch, compassion dies inside of you. You become unaware of these things. If you do something, then it grows stronger"
She looks at me with more courage than she ever had in the show. Weather this is good or not, is up to be seen. A few hoofsteps catch my attention, the rest of the mares moved to my corner of the car taking seats around me. Rarity speaks up, oddly enough,
"Darling it's good to see Fluttershy this happy. Whatever did you say to her?"
I laugh a bit, "Something my father said to me" Applejack seems to brighten at this, nodding a little.
"Wait, so you're saying there's more like you?" This is from... Pinkie? "We could throw a Welcome to Equestria party!" Ah, there we go.
"No... No I think I'm the only one" I say, looking slightly down. I mean, who wouldn't? No one like you, now I know what the Doctor feels like.
"Oh, that's ok. We can still throw a party!" Only Pinkie.
"Wait" Comes from Twilight, "Last night, you only told us a few things about yourself. Name, what you are, what you can do. All we did was talk about ourselves!" The girls around me start blushing in embarrassment. Me? I mentally shit myself. No way am I letting them know about humanity. But, I can't dodge the question.
"What would you like to know?"
They look to each other nervously, as if they have no idea what to ask. "What's that flashy thing that you do before you change into something?" Rainbow Dash, thank you.
"That, Rainbow Dash, is the Delta. Its what happens when I change" As for an example, I flash into Fluttershy. The meek pegasus gasps and begins looking me over. "I even sound the same" I say in Fluttershy's voice.
Twilight, with quill and notebook, asks almost too eagerly. "What does it? How do you change?"
I flash back and shrug, "No idea"
"Is there any limit to your power?"
"Well, you saw me pass out. I'm pretty sure that was power drain" Scribble, scribble.
"Is there any limit to what you can become?"
"It has to be alive" I chuckle. In my first few moments I tried becoming a Reaper from Mass Effect. I turned into a frog.
"Do a dragon!" Blurts Rainbow. AJ gives her one hell of an angry look.
Chuckling, I flash between multiple dragons. First that red fucker from Spike's dragon quest, then Spike himself. I do Spyro, Toothless, one of those tiny dragons from Game Of Thrones who's names I never bothered learning, and a tiny dragon from Skyrim (Yes, I found that mod, it does exist, and its funny). Finishing, I turn back to Dust.
Twilight's pen is practically smoking on how much she's writing. While Fluttershy seemed to fall over like a goat. The other mares sit quiet as Pinkie asks the next question.
"Can you do an Alien?"
"Heh, the question is if I can remember them all"
Applejack gives me a deadpan look, "Now Ah know that's a lie"
The Delta activates and I change again. Popping out, I find myself as a Jackal from Halo 4. Surprisingly I didn't change into a frog or something. This is pretty close to a human. I give a chirp and change back. I'm about to retort at their shocked faces when a guard walks in.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle? We've arrived"
Twilight shoots from her quill and paper back into reality. "Oh! We'd better get going! Common girls"
I stand and walk with Twilight, the rest follow after composing themselves and getting Fluttershy to move. Probably should have thought that whole dragon thing through.
The walk to the castle was less than uneventful. Little did I know, but Twilight and the rest captured Chrysalis while she was out cold. Turns out royal trains do in fact have a small car for criminals at the back. What must have been a battalion of guards surrounded us whilst another two escorted Chrysalis out. At first she struggles like crazy, but catching sight of me (and the evil look I gave her) made her more than willing to co-operate. Large crowds of cheering ponies surrounded our escort of guard, I never knew the mane6 were this famous. Having that extra bit of height helped me see over the large crowd, even by a bit, as we approached the castle. You never know the difference between seeing it in the show or on the mountain compared to close up until you're actually there. Imposing? No. Majestic as Fuck. The girls must have seen my gaping expression as they started to chuckle among themselves. The crowd dispersed as we reached the walls, leaving us and the two battalions surrounding Chrysalis. The guards and prisoner took a left as we headed up the stairs to the giant golden doors. Two guards magik'd them aside. Stepping through, they closed them behind us as we walked down the long hallway.
I couldn't help but look at each and every stained glass window. Depictions of Equestria before Nightmare Moons return lined the windows. First was of a great war, each race I've seen in the show among others immortalized in glass fighting each other. Followed that was the creation of the Wonderbolts and many other historic moments and important figures. Did you know Starswirl had a pet? Yea, a fucking hydra. The guy taught Celestia and Luna, and his kid was Captain of the guard. The FIRST Captain of the guard. Let me make it clear here and now all old guys are badass. Another pair of guards opened the approaching doors and a third pair closed them behind us as we passed the gap. And across the hall, sitting on her throne, is Princess Celestia herself.
Wow.
She's one of those people (ponies) who radiate power. Even from across the room it felt like the sun was watching me. I paid little attention to the stain glass windows of the many adventures of the mane6 as we approached the throne. I collected myself in time to. From a door to the left both Princess Luna and Cadence as well as Prince Shining Armor walked out. And, appearing to the right, is Discord. When we reach the throne, the girls bow. I don't. I'm not even an Equestrian citizen. When Applejack tries to wave me down I shake my head. Giving a weak tilt of the head, I wait for the rest to rise. (No. No I am not going to bow. Bowing shows dominance. I can turn into fucking Satan. Call me when she's ready to fight) The non-bow cached the Princesses, Prince and Draconequus off guard for a moment, but the resume their regal stances. Though, when Twilight finished bowing, her and Cadence took about five seconds to reach each other and start the 'Sunshine, sunshine' greeting. They finish as they start; laughing and giddy. Celestia clears her throat, smiling at the two.
"Welcome back Twilight Sparkle. While I would love to spend time with you and your friends, I believe we have a matter at hoof" She looks to me, curiosity in her eyes. "And who, my little pony, might you be?"
I took a step forward an- "Ohmygosh!Itwasamazing!" Pinkie Pie. Not even my te-"Dusty walked up to that big meany pants Chrysalis and was all 'Sup' and then Chrysalis said some stuff that made him really really really mad and he turned into some SuperBigGiantMonster flamey monster thing and roar'd in her face like rrooooooooooooaaaaaaaaarrr and he melted her hair and then cut us free as a GryphonAndItWasAMAZNG!" Is she done? Good. During Pinkie's fifty mile an hour recount of the events she bounced around and made some hilarious faces. For fear of getting interrupted again. I'm just gonna stop here. I can't? Fuck. The Princesses, Prince and Discord shared a look and asked Twilight all at once, "What really happened?"
Twilight just nodded slowly, "She got it spot on"
Their gazes looked to me. I found myself the center of attention of everypony, including the guards near by. Flashing through the Delta, I turned into Princess Celestia, "I wouldn't lie to myself, now would I?" Flashing back, Twilight recounted the events of yesterday as well as this morning. For proof, she hoofed Celestia her notes. Celestia and the rest of the royalty simply nodded in listening. Discord however, studied me with curious eyes.
Luna stepped up, "I for one would like to see this monster which scared Chrysalis into submission" Celestia and the rest nodded in agreement.
I shook my head in disagreement, "I'm sorry your highness. The monster, the Balrog, took a lot of my energy and caused me to black out. If its all the same to you, I would like to stay awake for this. I guess could manage something a little over half the size but nothing more. Would you like me to?"
They nod, and Discord looks even closer. A memory of the shocked faces of the mares around me flashes through my mind, they might not want to see this. "I must warn you, Princesses, Prince, Discord, most of what I turn into isn't for the faint of heart" they nod in understanding.
"Girls, please look away" I say to the ones around me. They share a questioning look but complied anyway. They stand a few trots to my right. Flashing up the Delta, I change into something equally as freaky if not more.
Diablo.
From Diablo 3, that is.
The result is as expected. Prime Evil after all. Cadence screams. Shining Screams in Cadence's forelegs. Celestia attempts to push herself into her throne hyperventilating. Luna looks like a deer in headlights. Discord just stares, eyes wide. The guards piss themselves, and Twilight and the rest of the Elements just sit there, waiting. Pinkie is even bouncing around my legs. Turning to the group I ask, "Equally or more scary?"
Rarity nod's "Equally, but with the voice I'd say more"
Nodding, I gently tap Pinkie away much to her disappointment and flash back. It takes a minute, but Cadence and Shining stop screaming, Luna returns to the living, and Celestia stops trying to be absorbed by her throne. Mimicking one of Twilight and Cadence's calming tricks with her hoof, Celestia calms herself.
"Discord?" She asks the still wide eyed draconequus, "is it-"
"No" Discord interrupts, "No it is not"
Confuzzled (Confused and puzzled), Twilight raises a hoof, "Is he who, Princess?"
It was Discord who answer's however, "You remember a few days ago I sensed a magic surge? Then yesterday another? He is not the one from a few days ago"
I had been sitting there, admiring the glass windows. But this caught my attention, "He? Sounds like you know him"
Discord turns sheepish for a second before looking to Celestia. She solemnly nods. Discord speaks, all his usual gusto and laughter gone. "I have, when he appeared in the San Palomino Desert, Celestia sent me to investigate. When I arrived I found an earth pony. Silver coloring, slightly shorter and completely bald. On his flank was an upside down L shape" He flashes up a picture, which I immediately recognize.
"Did he say his name?" Discord nodded, "Let me guess, its Gamma"
Discord nod's, holding up a claw to Celestia as she was about to inquire on how I knew that. "I attempted to help him" he continues, "But he attacked me with some unknown power. I lost. I take it you know what his power is?"
"Yes, where I'm from, Gamma has multiple meanings. A few of involving mass or weight and magnetics"
I laugh a bit, more from the irony than the truth. "He kicked your ass with gravity"
Turns out, the ponies here need my help. A lot. The past week Gamma has been moving on Las Pegasus, literally crushing every piece of resistance along his way. Also it seems Gamma is recruiting. He already recruited the Changelings to take the Eastern half of Equestria. Obviously, they failed. Celestia asked me if I could help. With these powers, who would say no? Celestia informed me that her and Cadence have been devising a plan to take care of Gamma. Gravity may be one mean bitch, but so can the Elements of Harmony. Luna filled me in on their plan: Shining Armor, Discord, the current captains of the night and solar guard, and Me will hold off Gamma as best we can while the Elements try and take down Gamma. I spent the majority of the day with the Princesses inspecting their plan. I was never the guy to make the plans in video games, just follow them and kick ass, but they asked anyway. It drew around dinner time as we loaded aboard another train to Las Pegasus. The only difference with this one is the lack of a prison car, and two bedrooms. One for Stallions and one for Mares. Within the hour, I find myself cramped into a cart with three other stallions and a thing. What do we do?
Blackjack.
"Nineteen" The Night guard captain speaks up. Foggy Night, if I remember correct. Dark grey thestral stallion with burning white bat eyes. I almost mistook him as blind the first time I saw him. The guy has a beast poker face, not to mention the long fangs make you nervous.
Shining and the captain of the solar guard throw down their cards in defeat. Shining's poker face is slightly lacking but competitive, his luck however is second to none. Just not here. The captain of the solar (or more commonly refereed to as royal) is a white unicorn stallion with an eye patch. Ironically named Right Eye, seeing all he has is his left. The guy lost his eye in combat, but lucky him, his vision was 15/30 (No idea what he means, just his left eye makes him a fucking sniper) He probably has the best face out of all of us that still have faces. Discord puts his cards down, three in total, "Twenty" The draconequus turned his head into a spade moments before the game. Shining argued that's cheating, but the rest of us seemed to not care. I reached over and grabbed another pop from the cooler with my tail. Popping a large hole in the top, I drank it with my second mouth whilst I put down my cars that equaled twenty one.
Foggy Night let his head drop to the table, "Alien bastard, you're one lucky freak Dust"
I merely hissed in his direction as I finished the pop. Like discord I also changed myself, turns out, Aliens from Alien the movie are good at Blackjack. Reaching a lengthy arm over, I scrape the large pile of bits towards myself. Discord summoned us each a pile of well around ten thousand bits. All real. Shining got mad at this, before Discord reminded him he had access to the royal treasury, and they could spend any pretty penny they wanted on this mission. So far its 12,800 Shining, 7,400 Foggy, 8,600 Right, 10,100 Discord and 11,100 Me as of now.
We're about to place our bets again when a very, very loud Squee comes from the room beside us. I flash back to normal and Discord regains his head. If I'm thinking right, and the evil smile we all share says so, we're about to do something stupid. Silently, we crawl over and out our door. Peaking through the neighboring one, a plan begins to form in our minds.
The six ponies are playing a game of spin the bottle with some slight changes. Ten magic pictures, all male and five of them being us, sit around the bottle. The bottle landed on Foggy Night, Rainbow Dash spun. She begins talking about him in such a way it make all of us blush.
Crouching back, we put our collective heads together and brainstorm. It takes us a bit, enough for the sun to finish setting, and the lights in the girl's cabin to turn on. Nodding we get to work.
When the lights went out the mares gasped in relative shock. Only lasting a second however, as Twilight and Rarity both lit up their horns. The mares are asking questions now, calling out for us. We will come. The white one that tried and failed to stop us tried to limp towards them, blood from where his eye left is skull and his limping foreleg. He merely collapses, squirming. I walk up and put a taloned foot on his head, pressing into the open eye socket. I bear my teeth and claim my kill. The next of us walks in. The prismatic one doesn't see him coming. His burning white eyes shine along the rows of fangs as he bites into the neck of the pegasus, dragging her back as she screams. Our master finishes his kill and lets the body fall between the mares, the empty rib cage flowing blood. Little did they see the yellow one disappear too. Slowly and gracefully, he drops from the ceiling. The pungent smell of rotting flesh echoes the room, a dead yellow pegasus in his rotting claw.
They all scream as we let out cries of our own.
Looking at the horrified faces, we all start laughing as the light's click on.
I change back to Dust from the Velociraptor I had become (Jurassic park version) and let Right Eye start laughing as well. Shining sits up, much to the horror of the group, then falls back down laughing. Foggy Night falls beside the very confused Rainbow Dash. Discord drops the fake Fluttershy and pulls the real one out from the top bunk he stuffed her in. Still laughing, he snaps his paw and the powerful illusion magic disperses. Foggy's eyes and mouth are no longer burning white and his teeth return to normal, for a thestral. The bite on Rainbow's neck, made to feel and look like she was actually bitten, disappears in a flash. Shining regains all his organs and his chest returns to white.The only thing that doesn't change is the socket where Right Eye's eye was. He just puts back on his eye patch. Discord de-undeadifies himself. The mares around us actually start laughing too...
"DUST!"
...but only after Rarity gives me a slap on the face.
That mare has one hell of a right hoof.
