Changing Ways

by DerpyStarlet

Rating: everyone
Tags: Snails, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Other
Length: 5230

Diamond Tiara can change. She's done it before.

Diamond Tiara is known as a lot of things. A bully is a common one among the school kids. Among older ponies she's seen as the daughter of Filthy Rich. The Rich family being seen as the most influential family in Ponyville. That's not strictly true.

The Spoon family. No one would think of the danger in the power they possess, because most assume they don't have that much power. Quite the contrary. Diamond Tiara knows this, but thankfully she's changed. Is change going to help anypony?

Published 2015-05-10 07:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-25 03:18:15 UTC

Who I Am.

"Lady Tiara, your father's been waiting for you," I hear as I walk into my mansion. My small smile drops and I let out a groan, I open the door wider and turn to look at my guest rather than my Butler.

"Hurry up, Snails. It's getting cold." I keep the door open just long enough for her to slip in, then I shut it quickly.

"Sorry," she says, I just sigh and finally turn to my Butler. He raises an eyebrow at me and I stare back boredly, silently thinking how I should go about this.

"Is your guest staying long?"

"At least the night. Probably a couple." I respond simply.

"I don't think Mister Rich would be too keen on that." He says with caution.

"We don't pay you to think. Prepare the bedroom beside mine, Butters. The one closest the stairwell, not the one on the other side. I'll speak with father." I instruct, he looks a little surprised at my use of his nickname, but then he gives a slight bow and walks away with a small smile.

"Butters? Is that his name?" Snails asks, reminding me of her company.

"No, it's a nickname. I'll tell you later. For now... you remember the rules?" I ask, she nods hastily. I nod once, "good girl, I have to go talk to my father, shouldn't take too long." I tell her, she nods stiffly and I leave her be. I make it to the study without trouble, and without running into anymore staff. I knock on the door and hear a muffled reply inviting me in, I don't hesitate to accept.

"Diamond, please tell me what I've heard about you isn't true." I hear my dad say as the door closes silently, he doesn't turn.

"Well, Daddy, that depends a whole heck of a lot on what you've heard," I reply annoyed at him beating around the bush.

"I heard that you chased one of our tenants out last night," he turns to meet my gaze with his weary one.

"Hardly, she was already leaving. I just gave her my opinion," I scoff.

"Tiara, what have I told you about this?" He asks exasperatedly.

"Don't antagonize your customers... but this is different," I insist.

"How is it different?"

"She is an antagonist! She left her foal!" I fume, slamming my hoof down aggressively. I blink in surprise as I realize my breathings labored, I'm literally panting. I compose myself and start towards the door, I don't think I have anything else to say here. I open the door, but my father stops me.

"Diamond... about our situation... I don't want you thinking your mother is the villain in all of this." He says.

"She is, though. The bad one is the one that splits, the good one stays." I reply, my hoof hanging off the door handle.

"I don't think that's such a healthy view," he argues. I look him in the eyes and open the door wider.

"Yeah, well, it's healthier than pining after her everyday, hoping she'll come back." I slam the door for emphasis. I wipe my eyes lamely, he really needs to dust the study... I make my way slowly towards my guests room, then I see one of the staff.

"Hey! You!" I flag him down, it's one of the younger servants I don't recognize. He immediately looks scared, which kind of annoys me for some reason.

"Y-yes, Lady Tiara?" He asks.

"Have you seen my guest?" I ask.

"Yes, Lady Tiara." He nods. I wait, tapping my hoof impatiently for several seconds.

"Well, where is she?" I swear, you have to spell everything out for these younger servants...

"Oh! Yes, of course, she's in the kitchen." He finally answers.

"Oh, right, dinner." I say, only now noticing my own hunger. "As you were," I say, waving my hoof at him absently. I direct my course to the kitchen, but as I near it I don't hear standard kitchen sounds. Curious, I open the door and find something very different from the usual going ons of my families kitchen.

"What's going on?" I pull on a cooks apron and he notices me, his eyes go wide.

"Diamond Tiara!" I turn at the sound of my name just in time for my face to be covered with dough.

~~~~~~~

I look after Diamond Tiara idly, trying to think on what I should do next. I'm constantly reminded of what's happened though, and it distracts me from any plans. Diamond Tiara is very much the same pony, but... she's almost the opposite of who she was. Where she used to bully us and be cruel, she's not cruel anymore. She still says demeaning things and reminds us how stupid we are, but it has none of the malice it did before.

In fact, she tended to be very defensive of us. She even managed to push Star out of the way of a falling pot, but it was what her eyes said that was the most curious. They spoke of, irritation, rage, and a slight bit of fear. It wasn't toward us, but I can't imagine what it was towards.

I make my way down the hall, in search of the kitchen. It comes to mind that I'm hungry and I haven't eaten yet. Not recently, anyways. I peer into a room once I realize all the doors look identical. There aren't any sort of identifiers as far as I can tell, the room I look in happens to be a bathroom. A maid that happens to be cleaning inside looks up and I recognize her. Or, rather, she looks familiar. She definitely recognizes me, though.

"Oh? You've come back? You're the colt from this morning, right?" She asks.

"F-filly..." I say in an almost whisper.

"What was that?"

"I'm a filly." I say a little more assuredly. She stares for a second before smiling sweetly.

"Of course, forgive me, ma'am." She bows slightly.

"Oh, um, it's Okay. You don't have to bow..." I say awkwardly.

"Is there any way I can be of service?" She asks.

"Actually, Yeah. Where's the kitchen? Oh, please." I make sure to add the please, lest I forget my manners.

"Are you hungry? We could have one of the chefs make something for you, then bring it up to your room." She offers.

"No, that's fine. I'd rather do it myself. You really don't have to do that." I say.

"Are you sure? The chefs are quite talented." She coaxes.

"I'm sure."

"Very well. Follow me." She says, walking past me abruptly and into the hallway. She waits for me just outside the door and I follow eagerly, she continues walking and I keep pace. Eventually, we enter a door similar to all the others, but with a strong smell of food on the other side. I gawk at their kitchen, it was so neat. Everything was pristine, nothing out of place. At least, as far as I could tell.

"The young misses is feeling a bit peckish." The maid says, gesturing to me. I smile nervously, everyponies eyes now on me.

“hehe… I’m just gonna stay out of your way, okay?” I say, moving towards the fridge slowly.

“Do you… want us to make you something?” one of the cooks asks.

“No, no, I’m fine.” I say. Smiling nervously as one of the cooks tilts a head slightly.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Yeah, no, I’m just gonna make some…” I glance into the fridge and pull out some things.

“Cheese… on bread… with… sauce.” I say grabbing some items at random that look good.

“You mean Pizza?” one of the Chefs asks.

“No. wait… yes? Uh, I guess so…” I say, not entirely sure how to make pizza.

“Well, if you’re trying to make pizza… first off, you want to make the dough, not use that.” the guard says, tossing the frozen loaf back into the fridge.

“No, I want to make it,” I say as the chef offers a hoof to take the cheese.

“Well, might I suggest something? how about we use Mozzarella, I think it would work better.” he says, I nod and he replaces the cheese with something else as well. “How about this, you can make it, but I’ll help you with how to make it.” the chef says, still holding the cheese. I smile up at him sheepishly.

“Uh, yeah. I think that’d be good. To be honest, I don’t know the first thing about making a pizza.”

~~~~~~~

“...And then I started to toss the dough, and I was getting pretty good at it, they were all complimenting me and I was so confident. Then you walked in and I heard your voice and I turned, but I accidentally swung the dough and-” I can hear Snails making some form of apology or explanation as I pull dough off my head.

"Hey snails?" I interrupt whatever she was saying.

"Yeah?" She asks, waiting patiently.

"Shut up." I tell her, tossing a huge wad of dough back her way. She fumbles with it for a second before finally stabilizing it with her Magic. She sets it down and turns to me.

"Are you mad?"

"What? No, of course not, it was just a mistake." I say. The room is strangely quiet. I look up from taking bits of dough off my face and find everybody staring at me oddly. "Celestia... just, carry on." I say, waving a hoof. They get straight back to it, but with less enthusiasm than I remember. Whatever, I've got my own problems. I see a Butler preparing a sponge and bucket and walk over to him.

"What are you doing?"

"I was going to clean up the mess, Tiara." The Butler bows, I scoff at the gesture.

"No need, just go... do whatever it is you do in your freetime. Actually, what is it you do in your freetime?" I ask, he looks taken aback by the question.

"Er... I draw, miss Tiara." my eyes open a little wider in surprise. I guess I never bothered looking at them as anything other than just Butlers, I was never concerned about who they were aside from that.

"Huh." I say, tapping my chin in thought. There's a lot about the ponies I've been around for years that I don't know. "What's your name?" I ask curiously.

"Cerulean stroke."

"Well, Cerulean stroke, go take a break."

"But, lady Tiara... the mess..." he says, unsure of what to do.

"I've got it." I say waving him away. He trots off in confusion as I grab the mop and start cleaning up the mess. It doesn't take long. Soon I'm watching Snails make a pizza as one of my chefs guides her through the process. I don't help, but only because I don't want to interrupt anything. Pretty soon they're putting the pizza in the oven, from what I saw it looks delicious.

"Whew. Cooking is pretty tough." Snails admits.

"Well, having a talent in it might make it easier. And proper wear." The chef says, briefly glancing at her dress.

"I'll admit, there are more practical outfits..." she says sheepishly.

The two continue talking and I tune them out. My thoughts fall to earlier in the day.

~~~~~~~

"You know, that plan is so outrageous, it might Actually work, Scootaloo." Applebloom comments.

"I dunno, Twilight and I did the math and even have the needed dimensions, but things could still go wrong. Oh, and by the by, I need somebody which could build the ramp." Scootaloo says.

"Well, shoot, I can do it. It'll be a nice break from dresses. Back to familiar territory." Applebloom says.

"Say what you want, we all know how much you like making dresses." Scootaloo teases.

"Just because there are times when it's OK, doesn't mean I like it. Besides, it's not like I like studying." Applebloom had emphasized the last bit to counter Scootaloo.

"At least I'll admit it." Scootaloo shrugs.

"Speaking of denial," Sweetie Belle pipes up, "has Anypony noticed that Cheerilee has been acting a bit weird lately?"

"I noticed." Snails says quietly.

"What do you mean weird?" Star asks.

"I dunno, she's just acting weird. Usually it's when you're involved Star. I asked her about it and she just said she's fine." Sweetie Belle explains.

"What do you think it could be?" I ask. Something doesn't sit right with me about that, it sounds like Silvers work, but I can't be certain.

"I think she's just a little stressed about work. Maybe she needs a party." Sweetie suggests.

"If it happens around Star, maybe it involves Star?" Scootaloo says. I nod and turn to look at her, but my gaze catches something I hadn't expected to see. A big bulky stallion in a suit, silver spoons cutie mark was stitched into his sleeve. I'd only barely seen him before he walked into a building down the road. I didn't think anything of it, until we got closer. There had been noise coming from inside, but as we get close to the building all the sound disappears. Nopony else seems to notice, so I don't bring it up. Twitcha twitch.

I jump and push Snails out of the way of a stray vase. Looking up there's a window sill full of vases. I might have found it weird, but unimportant, if not for what I'd seen just seconds before. Thank Celestia Sweetie Belle is enough like Pinkie Pie to have some of her Pinkie sense. Even if I don't think she knows it.

"Are you Okay?" Scootaloo asks, rushing to our side.

"I'm fine, just a little dirty." Snails says, dusting herself off.

"That was really uncanny," Star points out.

"I'm sure it was nothing, wrong place, wrong time." I tell her, hoping I sound convincing enough.

"Well, good thing you noticed it when you did. That could have really hurt her," Applebloom says, motioning to Snails.

"Yeah, don't mention it," I say, getting up and taking a glance at the window. There isn't a big suited pony in sight, but I bet he's still there. I turn away and continue on with the group, a little more wary of my surroundings.

~~~~~~~

I saw him a couple more times, as well as another pony with Silvers cutie mark on his suit. I tried to steer us away, but without drawing the groups attention to them. Silver won't do anything direct, but she is very capable of manipulating things to end how she wants them to. My only advantage is knowing some of her tricks. It's likely she knows that and is switching it up a little...

"Diamond?" My head jerks up and I meet eye to eye with Snails. She blushes and backs up at how close we were, after respecting my personal space she speaks up again. "The pizza's ready" she says, floating a plate into my view.

"Thanks" I say before grabbing the plate in my mouth and setting it on the table.

"You looked pretty deep in thought," she notes.

"It's nothing"

Silence. I take a bite of my pizza and turn to Snails, she's staring at me intensely.

"What are you doing?" I ask, scooting back a bit.

"I'm not sure... usually I can read ponies, with a few exceptions. You aren't one of them... well, you weren't. Now I'm not so sure anymore." She says before finally turning and taking a bite of her own pizza. I take a bite of mine, I keep a wary gaze on Snails though. "Why am I here?" She asks quietly. I ponder the question for a second.

"Where else would you be?" I ask her.

"I don't know... but why here. Why you? I don't mean to sound rude... but you were a bully. Why the sudden change of heart?" Snails asks. I take a bite of my pizza as I digest the question. How best to explain this... I swallow and set the pizza down, searching for the right words.

"Would you believe I wasn't always a bully?" I ask.

"I don't think anyone's always a bully. They had to become that way somehow, they weren't just born cruel." Snails says.

"You'd be surprised..." I whisper. "Well, I wasn't. In fact, that's when I was happiest. Back when... well, we'll get there. But it was back in Canterlot." I say, reminiscing about my childhood. Snails leans closer and I glance at her. I turn to her to tell her the story properly.

Fillyhood Fond Memories

I arrive at school happily skipping, I make a beeline for my desk and drop my bag off only seconds after entering the room. I look around quickly and find my group of friends huddled together, they wave me over. Smiling, I skip over to them.

"Hey, Diamond!" My gaze wanders over to the pony saying this. It's my best friend, Comet Chaser.

"Hi, Comet." I cheer. I notice he seems to have a look of momentary relief. Everyone else looks a little annoyed, almost like he's...

"Stalling." Another friend, Prism Glider, says. I look over at Comet once more, his cheeks are flushed. "Quit stalling and answer the question." Prism insists.

"Well, Diamond just got here, and-" he tries to respond.

"Go ahead and answer the question I'll figure it out from there." I tell him. He looks at everypony nervously before relenting with a sigh.

"fine, Yes." He says. I frown in thought.

"Okay, I'm gonna need a little more to go on then Yes." I say.

Another friend, Strawberry Fields is more than happy to explain the situation to me. "Comet's got a crush on Blaze." Strawberry explains.

"Wait, Blaze as in, Blaze Feathers? The Pegasus colt?" Comet nods his head solemnly, I think on this. "Good for you, Comet!" I tell him, patting him on the back.

"What? You're not grossed out?" He asks incredulously.

"What, no, of course not! Why would I be, you just like him. Right guys?" I look at our friends and find not everyone has the same opinion as me.

Strawberry looks excited about it, but Prism looks pensive. Another friend, Dawn Light looks confused.

"But, you're a colt." Dawn says innocently.

"Exactly!" Comet exclaims, then he stops a second. "Wait..." as he ponders why he's arguing against himself I butt in.

"So? Why does that determine who he can love?" I ask, she looks at the ceiling in thought and eventually shrugs.

"I dunno, it just seemed weird." She says.

"See! She thinks it's weird!" Comet says.

"What do you want from us? Do you want us to criticize you?" Strawberry asks.

"Well, no, I guess not..." he says, rubbing his fetlock. " I guess I just wanted my fears validated."

"I can hate you, if that would help?" He looks horrified for a second before I sit on my haunches and hold my front hooves out in surrender. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Calm down." He sighs and I just lean into him playfully. "So... you gonna ask him out?"

And... he's back to looking mortified.

"Why would I do that?" He asks, to which I roll my eyes.

"Strawberry, correct me if I'm wrong, but is that not what you do with ponies you like?" Strawberry nods, but Dawn Light butts in.

"Actually, my brother usually fumbles over his hooves and tells himself he's gonna tell them without ever actually telling them." she nods to herself, happy to have helped. She pauses in her happy nodding to think, "kinda pathetic, Actually."

"Social ineptness aside, I think you should at least let him know you feel this way" I urge.

"But... what if he doesn't like me?" He asks, his legs quivering slightly.

"So? What does it matter if he doesn't like you?" Strawberry answers for me.

"You guys really think so?" I don't miss the fact that Prism Glider doesn't nod, but he doesn't shake his head. "I think... I think I need some time to figure stuff out first." He says quietly.

"Fine..." I groan. "But be quick about it. Summer is fast  approaching, and if you ask him while I'm visiting my dad there will be Tartarus at your doorstep!" I say, shaking a hoof. He nods in understanding and I sigh.

"Hey, who's that?" Dawn asks, nudging me slightly and pointing a hoof. Comet sighs in relief, but I make a note in my head to bug him later. Our group turns to see a new pony walk into the classroom. It wouldn't be very strange, if summer weren't right around the corner. But it is, and that makes it very strange.

"She can't be a new student... she couldn't be. Right?" Strawberry asks, but everypony is too busy gawking at the new filly. She's got a steel grey coat and a light silver mane, along with a lighter bluish gray pair of glasses. She's pretty for sure, but in a superficial holier than thou way. You can tell by the way her nose is slightly upturned, showing the entirety of her arrogance.

Our eyes meet and I stumble for a second. Judgement. I see it deep in her eyes, and it is very unpleasant. She doesn't even seem to be trying to hide it. I roll my eyes and turn my head away. Last thing I need is somebody like that killing my good mood, more than likely over something superficial.

"Just another privileged snob..." I mutter to my friends. Strawberry and Prism nod, but Comet looks kinda nervous.

"What's the problem Comet? You a little scared of some stupid money and silly self-entitled filly?" I tease, Strawberry gains his same look and gulps a little, backing away slightly.

"You know that joke where you're talking about somebody and it turns out their behind you?" Comet says in his not so subtle way of telling me I've made an idiot of myself. I drag a weary hoof down my face before slowly turning around to face what is surely to be my newest adversary. Being one of few earthponies at this prestigious school allows me no shortage of scuffles, but being from a town like Ponyville only solidifies my status at the bottom of the social ladder at this school. This status affords me no shortage of harassment, if I wasn't as tough as I am then I probably wouldn't last here.

"Stupid money?" She asks, I look into her bespectacled eyes with disinterest. She's just like the rest of them.

"What, you gonna try to tell me that you're money has intelligence?" I retort. She pauses and really looks at me, more than just that judging glance from before.

"You've got a mouth on you." She comments, I just arch my brow questioningly. "Don't let it get you in trouble. There are some fillies you just don't mess with." She says.

"What, am I supposed to be scared?" I challenge.

"Not scared, just wary." She warns, turning away from me.

"Hmph, as if." I mutter, turning back to my friends.

~~~~~~~

Aside from her flashy and unexpected entrance, Silver Spoon, as we soon found she's called, didn't make a big impression. She's from Ponyville too, much to my ire. A fact most ponies had no problem pointing out. And despite having such a haughty air about her, most students placed her in the same category as me. Which I am actually quite pleased about.

Apparently She's from the one family that could rival my father's power and influence, but daddy has them beat in power and money. Mostly money.

She gives me the most unnerving feeling, mostly because I can tell she's staring holes into the back of my head. She seemed surprised that I was from Ponyville, but only slightly. Like only part of this was news... every once in a while I catch her staring, and she often doesn't even try to hide it. Her seats offset by one row and back a couple seats, granting her a good view of my head. I don't know what the Tartarus her problem is.

Like right now, Comet and Strawberry are talking about goddess knows what and me and prism sit across from them. Prism is paying attention, but I'm trying real hard to just eat. I'd taken note of where Silver was as I was taking my seat and made sure to place myself facing her, she didn't cease her staring. In fact, this seemed to encourage it. Though, most of the time it didn't seem like she was staring at me. Almost like she was staring through me. My earlier decision turns out to have been about the worst I could have made, because knowing She's watching me makes it hard to pay attention to anything but her in return. Even eating is harder.

I look at her and her gaze hasn't moved, she's still just staring at me. Likely lost in thought about something, if the way she's staring is any indication. She's sitting alone, likely because of her status as a Ponyvillian. Same as I would be if I didn't have the friends I do.

"Hey, Diamond!" I snap my focus back to the rest of my group and they're trying to get my attention.

"Why do you keep on staring at Silver like that?" Comet asks curiously.

"She keeps on staring at me. It's weird." I tell them.

"With how much you two are staring, one might think you like each other." Strawberry teases. I can feel my cheeks going rosy of their own accord.

"Absolutely not. I can't stand her!" I exclaim.

"You know Diamond, it's Okay if you're a fillyfooler." Comet says.

"I'm not having this conversation." I say, throwing my hooves up in frustration.

"Okay. Okay. But if you are right about her staring at you, why do you think she would be?" Strawberry asks.

"How the hay should I know?" I ask aggrevatedly.

"You're the only one of us here from Ponyville." Prism pipes up, Dawn and Strawberry nodding in agreement.

"That one fact does not grant me secret knowledge about her." I say, rolling my eyes. "I honestly have no clue why She's so fascinated with me."

"None at all?" Strawberry asks.

"None, I said. Back off about it." I say, turning to my food. I don't take a bite. I glance back up at her, she's chewing into her sandwich while still staring at me.

I look at my food and raise it to my lips, not feeling the urge to eat.

The bell rings.

I sigh and pick up my entire tray, dumping it into the trash. I look at the trashcan in disgust before turning back to my friends, all looking at me in disbelief.

"You didn't even eat," Comet says.

"I'm not hungry," I say emotionlessly, glancing at the now empty table where Silver Spoon was seated. Something feels wrong about that filly.

~~~~~~~

"Diamond! How was school?" I look up at my mom and she gives me a large smile. I try my hardest to return it, I do. But the eyes are the windows to the soul for a reason.

"Long." I flop my saddlebag onto the counter lazily. I head for the fridge and look at its contents.

"That bad, huh?" She replies goodnaturedly.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I say exasperatedly. She nods and I can hear the crinkle of paper behind me. I turn to look as her hoofsteps approach. She sets down what looks like a flyer on the counter right beside me and I glance at it, closing the door to the fridge as I do so. "What's this?"

"Apparently there's a play at the theatre every day this week. It's later in the evening." She says. My eyes brighten up at the thought, I love plays. "I figured that we could go catch the play and then eat out afterwards?" Mom raises an eyebrow, giving me a knowing look.

"That sounds great! I'll go get my necklace!" I hurry upstairs to do just that. I look at the pearl necklace briefly before putting it on. I rush back downstairs and find my mom putting her saddlebags on. She smiles at me brightly and beckons for me to follow. I comply gladly, thoughts of the upcoming performance filling me with childlike glee.

Who Am I?

A bully.

That's what ponies see me as, and I never questioned it. A bully is on top, a bully is a winner, a bully Is right... always. At least, that's what I was taught. But they never called it being a bully outright, we were the ones in charge. If you're calling the shots it's privilege, they glamorize it with a title and all of a sudden it's socially acceptable. Leader was an oft used one. What a joke, I'm no leader.

Maybe that's why I can see it now. Through all the lies and falsities I let myself believe in some foolish attempt to please everypony, I must have known that. I wasn't a leader, no matter what they told me. I must have had some repressed moral compass, not one I ever listened to, but it was there nonetheless. No, I never acknowledged that sort of stuff, there were always more important things than morals. I was taught not to falter, never second guess yourself. That uncertainty is a sign of weakness, and if something you can't hesitate it. You act, and if you're truly as great as you claim, then consequences don't matter. Because when you're great, you're always right. Only ponies who aren't right face consequences.

They were right, to an extent. But so very wrong. I see that, I saw it, but I never questioned it. Because, as I said, never falter. The only reason I saw it is because I was fortunate enough not to be born into thinking that way, I was taught it. They tried to change me, no she tried to change me. She succeeded. I was coaxed into being her willing slave, given false free will.

My friend... former friend? No, I may have called her that, but just like all the other titles given to her, it's fake too. I was just another lackey, with privilege. I was her special project, she was conditioning me to do her dirty work. Giving me the illusion of control, pretending to relinquish control of our little group over to me. How do I know she was doing all this if I was so thoroughly convinced of it all? Perspective. I have perspective now.

The thing is, she's a good liar, a master Wordsmith. She thinks quickly and speaks with a silver tongue. Nopony who knows better ever questions her, because she is THE Silver Spoon. And everypony knows, you don't bite the spoon that feeds you.

I didn't listen.

Or, rather, I finally decided to defy it. I'm not exactly sure when I had the change of heart, or when I made the conscious decision to change. Hay, I'm not even sure I can honestly say that I've changed all that much. But even if I myself haven't changed a lot, one big change stands out.

I've changed my loyalties, for better... or for worse.