Let’s Call it Fun and Blow Up the Sun

by Forgotmyusername

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 1686

Here's some advice for all you kids out there - Don't do Cosplay!

Comic Con is fun and all, but take my advice – don’t go in cosplay. The odds of you running into this guy are raised by around 28%, and you’ll only realise it’s him when it’s too late. He’s got this whole “Shop that wasn’t there 5 minutes ago” deal going, and he can seriously mess up your plans for the next few millennia.

Anywhoup, you all know the story. Comic con, fancy dress, merchant, final piece of the costume and bang, one way ticket to Pastel Pony Princess Place. Then, due to shenanigans, you end up on Sunbutt’s bad side and get stoned. Literally.

I’M BORED!!! If only something interesting could happen! When I get out of here, ponyland had better beware, ‘cos one wrong word Murpy’s way and it’ll get Jinxed!

Published 2016-03-15 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-15 05:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1

1 billion molecules of dust on the wall,
One billion molecules of dust,
Breeze comes along and blows one along,
Then there’s nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine molecules of dust on the wall...

It was all Discord’s fault, of course. If I could move I’d play golf with his fingers and use his goat horn as a tankard.

Nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine molecules of dust on the wall

He couldn’t just get loose, throw the bloody Elements of Harmony into a low Equus orbit and then go have his fun playing conkers with the laws of physics, oh no. He had to go be too clever for his own good and outsmart himself, earning himself a ticket back to Stoner City.

Nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine molecules of dust

And then Sunbutt’s favourite pretty pony protégé had to work out exactly how he’d managed to escape and report back to teacher for a gold star.

Breeze comes along and blows one along

Then to top it all Sunbutt had to get paranoid about the other ‘statues’ in her castle and move us all into secure holding dungeons far from any crusading little foals (or anything else for that matter) and then promptly forget about us all again. Used to be a small mercy, being able to watch the world go by. Now all I’ve got to look at is this bloody wall.

Then there’s nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety eight molecules of dust on the wall...

I’d sung this song all the way through about 30 odd times now, and even this was starting to bore me. Oh how I missed the days spent contemplating exactly how I’d have my revenge on the latest bird to use my stoned ass as an outside toilet. Not a thought I ever imagined I’d have.

What really baked the cake was that Celestia had had the brilliant idea that Discord could be reformed. Now the fact that she picked Discord over all the gargoyles that were down here wasn’t that big a surprise, I mean I’d watched them all get caught, I’d seen what they’d done. They were all too dangerous, mindless things that were too dangerous even for Tartarus, filled with anger and rage and very little else. But what about me? Discord and I were the only intelligent beings that got the rainbow beam of overpowered unfairness.

And I had a good reason for what I did! Kinda! Ok, so maybe it wouldn’t hold up in a court of law, but “Fresh off the Boat” syndrome, a bit of homesickness and my character’s already slightly scratched mind was bound to make me go a bit cuckoo.

The fact that my lunacy involved breaking into both their bedrooms and spray painted everything within sight neon pink probably didn’t help either.

~

Maybe I should introduce myself. My name’s Claire. Hi there! I won’t bother you with my story up until this point, because I’m pretty sure you’ve heard it a million times already. Let me give you a quick life lesson – Don’t Do Cosplay, Kids! Especially not at Comic Cons, those things are magnets for every lowlife with a shop that wasn’t there 5 minutes ago and one way dimensional teleport thingy’s that look like costume attachments.

So to give you the cliff notes – Cosplay, Comic Con, Costume Shop, Blue swirlys then Bam! Equestria. Ok, I could deal with that. Despite not being a fan, I was at least aware of the show. Sucks that my life is now destined to be the plot of some bad fanfiction, but lemons and lemonade and all that.

If only I hadn’t cosplayed as Jinx from the League of Legends though. Becoming a fictional character means more than just new powers. You get their mindset as well. I probably could have dealt with the whole situation as anyone else, but no, I had to be the mad bad and dangerous to know one, who’s mind wasn’t exactly the picture of health. Let’s just say that I kinda went bananas. One fun-filled crime spree later and I got cornered by two angry alicorns with sparkly stones, and promptly got a rainbow shower, which I laughed at. I didn’t cotton onto the fact that I’d been stoned until after the rinse cycle was over, at which point I got angry. Really angry.

But it was Discord who was the brunt of my ire at the moment. I’d heard his first few moments breaking free of the stone. He’d been conscious too. He knew what it was bound to do so someone who’d been born mortal, and therefore had a mortal’s mindset. I don’t know if I’m immortal, but this current predicament I found myself in had me in a basic stasis, with only my mind left to wander. He knew I’d be going bananas (to put it lightly). But would he tell anyone? Oh no. Much as I dislike the Royal Sisters, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be keeping me in this state if they knew. They’d at least send somepony to keep me company or something.

Bloody stupid Discord, bloody stupid Elements of Harmony, bloody stupid Celestia...

~

Nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety eight molecules of dust on the wall,
Nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety eight molecules of dust,
Breeze comes along and blows one along,
Then there’s nine hundred and ninety nine million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety seven molecules of dust on the wall...

I swear, if I ever get my hands on Discord, I’ll shove his wisecracking, sarcastic horns right up his

“I sense there’s some hostility between us my dear Jinxy. Whatever might I have done to garner such anger?”

I know that voice.

“Of course you do, it’s me! Never fear, your friendly neighbourhood Discord is here!” Indeed, leaning just on the edge of my eyesight, was the draconequus himself.

...The question of quite what you’re referencing aside, what are you doing here? And you can seriously hear my thoughts?

“Seriously? Perish the thought, should I ever do something seriously I’d want you to give me a punch in the face. Maybe your first question is the one you’d like an answer to.”

I doubt you’ll give me a straight answer though.

“Wrong! I’ll tell you exactly why I’m here!”

If there’s one thing that I can expect from you, it’s that you’ll do the unexpected.

Discord paused for a heartbeat, not that mine was doing so at the moment. “You’ve been thinking that one up for a while, haven’t you?”

Well, when you’ve got nothing else but look at a stone wall all day.

“I’ll give you that one. Back to the point though, I’m here to tell you a story!”

Oh joy of joys. I injected as much sarcasm into that thought as I could muster.

“It’s a great story! One of the best! It’s all about me!” Discord pulled out some reading glasses from behind his back, put them on, sat down in an armchair and opened a book. Quite where he got those from was another story. “So there I was, off doing good in the world, when” I interrupted with a coughed Bullshit. “That’s an impressive mind cough you have. I’d recommend seeing a hypnotherapist and an athsma nurse at the same time. Anyways, I felt a great disturbance in the force, mostly directed at me! Whyever would anypony have a grudge against me so powerful that I’d be able to feel it? So I decided to investigate! And who should it point me at but you my dear! Why I can practically feel the anger! What did I ever do to you?!”

It’s more what you didn’t do that pisses me off I replied. Can’t you get me out of here? Not even Celestia would keep me down here if she knew I was conscious!

“Well, I would have thought you of all pon...people would have figured that out! For fun of course!! My little revenge, if you like. How bad do you think she’ll feel when she finally figures it out? She’ll be beside herself with self pity!” He paused in his antics for a few seconds. “Woah, I felt that one! What’s going on?”

I felt a chuckle coming on. Actually, that does sound kinda fun... Now that I knew why I was still down here, I thought it would actually be quite funny. How much fun would it be to watch her face drop as she realised what she’d done? My chuckling turned into full on laughter at how angry she’d get at Discord for not letting her know... I closed my eyes and threw my arms to my stomach and gave a full on belly laugh.

...Ok, it took me a few seconds. My eyes opened slowly and looked around, then down at my own body. My hands turned in front of me, fully coloured in and pink, no trace of the grey stone that they’d been before. My giggling returned as Discord looked on, smiling.

“There now, are you having fun?”

Through my laughter I nodded, as the trademark Jinx smile wound itself up and plastered it all over my face. I decided that a thousand years as a lawn ornament gave me some cliché liberty. “As a great man once said... Wait ‘till they get a load of me!”

Author's Note

And here comes yet another Displaced fic! You know the drill, lemme know what you think, constructive criticism is appreciated, etc. etc.

Hopefully I'll get at least part way through the story before Writers Block takes hold (as it tends to do)