The barrack might be home, but they're not where I belong. [intro]
Screams. Every single time. I hear those screams. Even after all this time, they still hurt me, haunt me. Every time, they make my muscles freeze, my brain crash. I don't know why I am still pushing through this.
Maybe because ponies don't give me a fucking choice.
I don't give myself a fucking choice.
Every time I break down, they decide to pull me back into reality, keep me in a bed for a few days, then release me back into soldiering.
I just hurt.
My name is 'Rusty', at least that's what I call myself, as everypony else. Can't remember my real name, don't care to. I am an Sergeant Major in the Equestrian Army. Been in the army for almost fifteen years, more than many of the other soldiers. Most are dead or forced to retire. Fighting does that to you. The few remaining are total assholes, and I hate them. They think they get to act like fuckin' gods. Self-righteous bastards is what they are.
Every night, even this night, I wonder if my nightmares will come back to me. I wonder how many more days I'll be checked into the med center. I grit my teeth and think about the next mission. Five days. I can go five days, before the fear and adrenaline of the battlefield will make me forget about my nightmares, instead making reality a nightmare. One that I can take.
But I can't fall asleep. Every other soldier is, as it's past midnight. Even the drinking stops at this time.
I sigh in anger and get out of my bed. I need fresh air.
I step outside, the night air letting out a calm, subtle atmosphere that most ponies would enjoy. But not me. All it reminds me of it the few moments before a land mine blows up in your face. Not that it happened to me, but a few others weren't so lucky.
I guess that's the reason I don't quit.
I've been fighting for too long. I've grown so used to it, the fighting, the tense feeling, the adrenaline.
Sometimes I wish one of the bullets would hit me in a vital spot, so I'd feel peaceful for once.
It's almost like working at a dead-end job you've been at for years. You want to leave, but you don't feel right anywhere else.
Did I mention that I don't give myself a fucking choice?
I huff in anger, my thoughts constantly turning towards fighting and useless anger. I turn back towards the bunkers to sleep. A bad idea, but one that was needed. I crawl under the thin covers, the cool night air still clinging to my skin. I toss and turn myself to sleep, the other soldiers snores ringing through the room.
I fell asleep, and the world quickly fades into pitch black, seducing me into the pit of horrors. My pit of horrors.
My eyes burn as I exit the bunker into the early morning sunlight, many of the newer soldiers already out doing morning jogs in only shorts. Seems like Roy is already up, kicking them in the ass, getting them into shape, all that bullshit. He's a sadist, I'm pretty sure.
He should focus on yelling at them more. That's barely a scrap of the mental trauma they'll face.
"Sergeant Rust!"
I turn towards the person who called my name, and see Lieutenant Shaw trot over towards me. "Sergeant, Yanagi is asking for you. Something about a defense problem."
I sigh. Major General Yanagi was one of top dogs in the Equestrian Army, and one of the oldest soldiers, already 62 and refusing to quit. Everyone wonders why. Even Celestia asked him once, and he laughed it off. With the average death being at 65 or something, we're pretty sure he'll stay in the army until he dies.
At least he's smart, unlike most every other celestia-damned commander.
I walk to his office, and knock on the door.
"Yes, come in."
I open the door and see him focused on his game of Risk, and without looking away from the game: "Before the important things, can you help me with this game? Red invaded half the continent, Green has a billion soldiers, I've been backed up to The Wastelands and the Everfree, and I'm pretty sure I'm fucked."
I walk over to his game, and take a quick glance of the field. "Red has a weak defense by the Northern Expansion, at the Dragonpoint Outpost. As for Green, cut him off from the Emerald Coast. That area has a lot of troop producing areas."
He quickly executes the actions, and I watch him suddenly overtake the automated game pieces. Within a few turns, he was controlling the west side of the continent, with Green reduced to almost no soldiers.
He smiled. "You know this is the hardest difficulty, right?" He got up and moved to his desk, which had a large map of Equestria on it. "Still glad you're as sharp as a dragon's tooth." At that, I shrugged. "Experience and intelligence are different things."
He pointed to the Northern Earth Bastion in the Frontier, containing the most western Equestrian outpost. "The guys here are getting fucked by an unknown force. They're using some dark magic or something, as all our magic barriers are getting cracked and shattered extremely fast. We need more forces, and I want you to lead a force over there ASAP. The other captains are too dumb to figure out a strategy against something like this. Can you go do that?"
I should've waited a few days, let my mind be away from the fighting, but why the fuck would I do that? I couldn't become anymore crazier. I gave his a weak smile. "What do you think I'm going to say?"
Yagami gives me one of his 'yes, I know exactly what you're thinking' smirks. "All right, you're leaving tomorrow morning." As I turn to leave, he speaks up. "And make sure to come back, all right? I hate playing Risk alone."
As I step out, I see Celestia come in through the castle door. I give her a quick smile before stepping out.
The rumble of the transport chariot is always comforting to me - the calm before the storm, the one last fresh breath before you get shot in the lung, or some shit lime that. I haven't read up on my quotes.
Several privates are talking amongst each other about their excitement and worries about the battle field. I'm just gonna assume its their first battle. The other soldiers seem to be annoyed by the privates, and I would be on the same boat if it didn't make me feel relieved that there's some ponymanity on the battlefield.
Hopefully they don't get messed up too badly.
We some to a halt, and I hold my breath as I step off and into the other world I've come to know.
