Dashing Vlogs

by ChaoticAce

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 2729

Vlogs recorded by Dashing Knight.

These vlogs are sure to help any pony who wants to pursue a career as a guard captain. The struggles are real from constant mischief to towns ponies that could end Dashing's career. Will Dashing succeed in being a good law abiding citizen or will the chaos drive her into madness?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-11 13:22:11 UTC

Vlog 2: Cupcakes

Dashing Knight looked at the camera. A small smile was on her face. She looked chilled and relaxed. The background also changed. She was no longer in her charcoal house but she was instead in a bakery. "Today we're doing an awesome event for charity every pony! Today I'm making cupcakes with Pinkie Pie."

"I can't wait to start making the cupcakes!" Pinkie shouted. The pink pony bounced up and down on the screen. Dashing's eyes went up and down trying to follow her motion. The smile on her face faded slightly. "I can't wait to show you how to prep for the cupcakes! How to mix the cupcakes! We should mix EVERYTHING in the cupcakes! I couldn't pick between ingredients for our SUPER special day so I picked EVERYTHING!" She stopped jumping. "After all the are supposed to be SUPER SPECIAL STUPENDOUS CUPCAKES! Why use one thing when you could use EVERYTHING?!" Her smile was bigger than usual.

"I could think of a few reasons," Dashing muttered. She then turned to Pinkie who didn't seem to notice her rude comment. "Everything is so pink." She looked at about a hundred pink cake pans, pink mixing bowls, pink mixes, and a pink mixer. Dashing's ears went back slightly. She forced herself to hold her composure.

"That's because I brought out my SUPER SPECIAL GEAR!" She began to bounce around the kitchen. "We have some pink cupcakes! Pink chocolate chips!" She began to pour the mix into the bowl followed by the ingredients as she said them. "Pink sprinkles! Pink candy hearts! Pink shards of coconut! Pink pineapples! Pink nuts! Pink grapefruit! Pink passion fruit!" She continued saying the ingredients.

Dashing smiled. "I have an idea Pinkie. How about a competition? I'll make my special cupcakes and you can continue making your pink cupcakes. In the end we'll see who wins. All the bits we raise will go to the charity event. Sound good?"

"Sounds great!" Pinkie shouted.

Dashing took out a box of regular cake mix. The brown cupcake mix was poured into a bowl. "First we take about five or six of these boxes. Then we use a ton of eggs." All of the ingredients hovered over her head with the help of blue magic. "Then we add some butter, water, and a few more things." She turned the camera away so they wouldn't see her add in her secret ingredients.

"Creme cheese and sugar!" Pinkie shouted. "That's what I'm competing against? This is going to be easy!"

Dashing narrowed her eyes and sighed. "There's more in it then that."

"She also added a dash of cinnamon!" Ding! The over timer went off. "That means it's preheated!" Pinkie picked up her cupcake trays. One by one the pink earth pony began to put them in the oven. Her curly tail and mane looked especially frazzled from the sweat. Dashing Knight filled her cupcake pans and put hers in soon after. "So now it's time for a break! Dance time!" Out of seemingly nowhere DJ Pon-3 herself came into the room with Octavia. The two came flying in on a DJ booth. Even Dashing herself couldn't resist bobbing her head to the sweet tunes. Pinkie began flipping upside down, twisting, and turning. It seemed as if as soon as it started the oven beeped and the music stopped. "Thanks for playing you two!"

"Anything for charity," Octavia said with a small smile. Her long lashes hung over her purple eyes. She looked over at her roommate, Vinyl. "Care to take us home?" With a nod from Vinyl the two were off just as quickly as they arrived.

"Time to see what we've done!" Pinkie shouted. She pulled out the cupcakes. Hers were all different shades of pink. They faded in the pan creating a pink arc of color. "Well? What do you think?" She held the cupcakes up to Dashing.

"I have to admit that those are pretty good." She smirked. "But I doubt they're better than these!" The alicorn took out her cupcakes. She managed to frost them magically in the oven. Each was done up to resemble her roommates. The pink cupcakes were topped with a dark purple and black swirl. The gray cupcakes were topped with a black and white swirl. Her cupcakes were black topped with blue and white. Her favorite were the white ones topped with a black swirl. "These delicious cupcakes come in a variety of flavors!" As Dashing said this Pinkie Pie carefully iced her pink cupcakes to match the arc.

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash came into the picture. The purple unicorn smiled as her friend flew over head. "I have come to sample the cupcakes! It's my princess duty to make sure charity events like this do well!" She eyed Pinkie's cupcakes. She sampled one of each of Dashing's and one of Pinkie's. "Pinkie gets my vote!"

"Mine too!" Rainbow said with a smirk. "Hers are the bomb!" She threw her wrapper onto Dashing's head. "No hard feelings?" She smiled and flew away without waiting for an answer. Soon the town began to pay for the cupcakes. They devoured them and left their thoughts on pieces of paper. After the giant mob left there was nothing left to do but to tally the votes.

Dashing smirked. "I'm sure that I---" Her voice trailed off. Not a single pony voted for her. Her eyes narrowed. "What exactly did you put in those cupcakes cheater."

Pinkie smiled. "I didn't cheat. Everyone knows that my main ingredient for Super Stupendous Pink Party Cupcakes is drugs." She took the papers and threw them up like confetti and bounced out of the room leaving Dashing Knight dumb struck.

"I...just allowed illegal..." She turned to the camera and smiled. "That was just a joke! Just for you ponies! Enjoy!" She shut the camera off and watched as the mob of stoned ponies pranced through Ponyville. "This..." her eyes got wide, "...could be bad...."

Vlog 3: Just Say No

The screen lit up with an image of Dashing Knight standing between Princess Luna and Celestia. The two princesses smiled warmly as Dashing smiled weakly. "Sorry about last podcast every pony. Apparently some of you were offended and thought that drugs were actually involved in our charity event! No! That could never be the case!" She looked back at the two princesses.

"That's right," Celestia said with a straight face. "We must never give into drugs."

Pinkie Pie was hopping around in the back ground singing, "Drugs! Drugs! Drugs! Drugs!"

"Sometimes life presents us with temptations," Luna said with a weary expression. "Sometimes life tempts us in ways that we couldn't possibly imagine."

"Drugs are fun! Drugs are fun! Colors! Colors! So many rainbow colors!"

"We must ignore those temptations and begin to stand up to our friends that challenge us to do such behaviors. We must question if they really are our friends at all. Friends have your best interest at heart. Friends would never allow one night of pleasure to ruin your life. They would encourage you to do good things with your life."

Celestia chimed in. "They will encourage you to do well in your school and work environments. They will do their best to make sure that you are not in harms way." Her pink eyes narrowed with joy as her shimmering mane swayed back and fourth. "True friends will always help you to fight temptations and do the right thing."

"Because drugs are amazingly awesome and give you super powers!" Pinkie Pie sang. She then looked at the three ponies staring her down. The princesses stared her down more softly then Dashing Knight. "Oh! This is anti-drug! I almost forgot!" She then began to sing, "Drugs are bad! No more drugs! Drugs will make you mad and make you sad! Nothing good comes from the hood! Drugs are evil!"

Dashing looked into the camera. "Ponyville, remember what we said today. Drugs are bad. They were some of the worst things that we have ever dealt with. Just say no."

Pinkie's face smashed into the camera, "EVIL!!!!"

The camera then went blank. A few hours later Dashing sat slumped in her chair at home. Her friends Ace and Brad were at her side. "It wasn't that bad," Brad said with a reassuring smile. "It was a little lame, but you mares did the best you could!"

Ace smirked. "Every pony knows not to trust Pinkie's cupcakes. There's a reason why they are so addicted! They're made with---"

Brad put his hoof over her mouth. He narrowed his eyes and then kissed the top of her head. A swooning Ace fell to the floor. "The princesses even made an appearance on your vlog show! That's pretty impressive! That should make up for any damage done to Pinkie's shop and your reputation."

Dashing shrugged. "I just hope that Ponyville recovers soon. She must've put a lot in those cupcakes. It's been three days and the town is just now recovering." She let out a long sigh. "Thank Celestia I didn't lose my job. It it's one thing I've learned from all of this it's how easily a high ranked position can come and go."

"And that drugs are evil and no one should do that," Ace said with a smirk. The pink unicorn was laying on her back looking up at her stallion.

"Yeah. Just remember guys whatever you do don't do drugs or cost any trouble. After all it just might cost me a job." Dashing smirked. "I won't hesitate to kick your flanks if you try anything stupid."

Ace smiled. "Trust me. If we try something it won't be anything stupid. It'll blow your mind." She gave Dashing a wink and pulled out a Brad voodoo plushie. She dragged the plushie on a string with her magic. Brad locked up and began to be drug away by Ace. Dashing shook her head and smirked. She wandered down to the basement to see what her very own earth pony was up to. Hopefully it was something spectacular.

Vlog 1: Moving In

The camera began to get a little blurry as it came in and out of focus. A giant black alicorn sat before it. Her blue wings were folded onto her back. Her blue and white Mohawk shimmered in the light. "Is this thing on?" she grumbled. Her eyes were narrowed behind her tinted sunglasses. Blue magic began to glow from her horn. The alicorn came into sight clearly. The room behind her was full of boxes. Ponies behind her began to unpack them one by one. Dashing sighed. "So, as you can see I made it to my house safely. Sweet Celestia it took forever!"

"Brad! Don't drop the box!" A voice snapped from behind.

"It's not my fault if I drop it! It's your fault for not keeping your magic steady!"

"Meh!"

Dashing's ears went flat. "Yeah. Even as a Captain of the Guard they don't pay me a decent salary. So I had to get roommates." The mare rolled her eyes and sighed. "They're alright. I mean, alright for ponies anyway. Doc normally works on his experiments in the basement. Today he's making a machine to unpack all of these boxes. I guess it's supposed to be some type of robot. It'd be great if he could finish it like, you know, today!" She smiled. "But enough about that." Her cheeks flushed. "I'm sure once it's finished we'll never have this problem again! Ace and Brad are, well, you know. They're different. Ace is that criminal from a few years back but she's totally cool now! She's even forgiven me for kicking her flank!"

"You didn't kick my flank!" a female voice exclaimed in the background. "Is that all you vlog about? Why not talk about something interesting! Like working for the princesses!"

"Oh yeah. Working for Princess Celestia and Luna is pretty cool. They're totally gorgeous and even more so up close. There's one problem though: I'm not really needed. I mean, who in their right mind would attack Celestia and Luna?" A pink hoof was raised in the background of the camera. "Oh right. Well, other than the occasional psycho pony there's not much to do around Equestria. The other day I was sent flying around solving petty disputes! That's right! Me! The captain of the guard sent down to figure out if the apple family cart should be where Rarity's dress cart normally goes!" She rolled her eyes. "I'm really good and defusing situations, but that talent should be used for other things! Like pure evil situations! Like talking Discord down!"

"Fluttershy's stare does that now," Ace chimed in.

"Or talking down psycho ponies!"

"Meh. I quit making it rain and cutting up guards a long time ago. It's more fun to torture Brad now."

"Or...." Dashing's voice trailed off. Her ears went down. "...or cleaning up the village square, solving petty arguments, and trying to kick some flank whenever I can. Even if it's something as silly as the cleaning ponies not cleaning Celestia's palace well enough." Dashing sighed.

"Well, there's plenty to do in this place," Ace's voice chimed in. "There's figuring out who's going to cook, figuring out who does what chores, and figuring out anything else that comes up. You're the captain."

"I have to run lazy ponies all the time! I don't want to bring my work home with me!" The black alicorn let out a long sigh. "But I guess you're right. So then let's unpack these boxes!" The camera went out. A few hours later the camera turned back on. Dashing's mohawk wasn't straight anymore. The white and blue hairs slumped downwards. The tall proud alicorn also slumped downwards. The room behind her was black. The boxes were burnt to a crisp. The ponies were no longer behind her but you could hear faint yelling in the other room. Once again Dashing spoke to her viewers.

"So the robot blew up. It took all of the power I had to save the house! Let alone most of the stuff in it! That normally would've been a warm up for me! Sweet mares I'm out of shape!" The alicorn laid her head down on her hoof. "As soon as I logged off last time I came to help with the boxes. We even got a pretty good system going! I used my magic to bring the boxes down and hold up a few items. Brad and Ace took the boxes wherever they needed to go. Then my sweet stallion came up in this mecha thing. I didn't even know one of those could fit in the house! The mecha pony was doing amazing! It was working faster than any of us! So Doc came down to gloat and then all chaos broke loose! It was terrible! Every pony had to run for cover accept me!" She perked up and grinned. "No! I couldn't back down for a fight like that!"

"Accept when it fired it's lasers at you!"

"Shut up Ace!"

Ace cackled in the background. "You should've seen her! Her big flank ran to the other room!"

"Then I cornered the mecha! It was all apart of my plan! Finally the mecha had no choice but to self destruct! BOOM! All over my beautiful glass plates!"

"On the plus side our kitchen area has been expanded into the living room increasing our living area by about twenty percent," a slick voice said. Doctor Cobra appeared. He put a hoof on Dashing's shoulder. "I'd say that makes it twenty percent cooler and efficient. Wouldn't you say so love?"

Dashing looked like she was holding back anger. She looked into the doctor's eyes and began to melt. "Yeah. I'd say so." She nuzzled into the white earth pony's fur. She looked back to the camera. "Now how to end this thing?"

"Dashing Knight flying out for the night!" Brad shouted.

Dashing narrowed her eyes. "No. Night every pony."

The camera died down. Dashing looked at the destruction of the house and sighed. "I hope every pony likes black on black interior." She then realized how easily she blended in to her new surroundings. With a big smile she said, "It just might start feeling like home after all."