Engage the Prologue Motherfucker
Freddy Fuckboy's Pizza
Year: 1987
Night: 1
The quiet sounds of an empty pizzeria were the only things to be heard. Air conditioning, cameras shifting from left to right, Mangle's sucky singing in the distance, etc.
The sound of pneumatic devices could be heard as Freddy activated his systems. His eyes opened to his home.
“Are you Freddy for ready?”
This was how Freddy Fuckboy began every night. This waking phrase was taken from his predecessor, the original Freddy Fuckboy, but changed slightly for copyright reasons or some shit.
His mission was clear: After a full week of entertaining kids, he was ready for some fun. Tonight was the night that Freddy Fuckboy hone his fighting skills in order to take out the various cameras scattered throughout the restaurant. Once that was done, nothing could stop him from abusing drugs, having orgies with his friends, and several other things you couldn't do while security cameras were active.
Freddy Fuckboy stepped down from the stage, ready to begin his adventure.
***
The Remains of Fuckboy's Fright: The Horror Attraction
Year: 20XX
Night: ???
A solitary figure stood at the ashes of what could've been his new home.
He had no name, known only as “The Puppet.” He'd been hiding away in isolation for years, hoping that Fazbear Entertainment would revive the restaurant he called home. What he found instead was a newspaper saying that the knew “Fuckboy's Fright” was burned to the ground for unknown reasons.
The Puppet put on his visor, built with the best dildonics tech Sega had to offer. He scanned the remains, hoping to understand just what happened. The fire was started with a combination of whisky and an electrical current. The amount of watts suggested that an animatronic purposely lit a bottle of whiskey in a desperate attempt to kill someone or something. The original Freddy Fuckboy animatronics were long dead by now, leaving only Springtrap and Golden Freddy as the potential candidates. Historical data suggested they had a hatred for one-another since the year 1972, which would explain their desire to kill one another.
“Great.” The Puppet said to himself. All this time and now he had little hope of ever returning home.
“Hey!” Exclaimed the voice of a child.
The puppet turned around, unintentionally scanning the owner of this young voice.
It was none other than BB, known to the cast of Freddy Fuckboy as the “Enragement Child.” But he wasn't the same. The Puppet's visor showed electrical signatures, but nothing else. There was no metal parts, no plastic shells, no clothing that helped the mischievous animatronic boy feel hip. Enragement Child was a ghost.
“Where have you been!” He shouted. “My plans for world domination failed weeks ago! I might've won too if you hadn't been hiding like a fucking pussy!”
“Nice to see you too, Enragement Child.”
BB growled. “Insulting me, huh? Fine, call me whatever the fuck you want to; Enragement Child, Bitch Boy, Failure Cresh, everything's fair game now. No need for names when you're fucking dead right!?”
“Whoa.” The Puppet responded. “Calm the fuck down. I didn't mean to send you into a frenzy. So, what went wrong this time?”
BB calmed down a bit, not wanting to waste time with a potential ally. “Golden Freddy did this. Me and Springtrap did everything we could to keep this from happening, but it wasn't enough. We killed off the spirits of Freddy Fuckboy and his friends, we set up high level security cameras to keep others out, we nearly finished the ritual to resurrect me, but Golden Freddy ruined all of it!”
BB looked at the remains of this building. “I bailed before he could kill me, and the building came crashing down. Springtrap and G. Freddy both died. Now I'm all that's left. All that's left-” He turned to The Puppet. “Except for you.”
“I'm not fucking resurrecting you.” He said. He didn't have the time or the patience to do this shit. He'd rather just find some lousy abandoned theme park to crash in and find some new business to work for.
“No you fucking idiot. I'm not talking about resurrection. My gear got destroyed in the fire anyway, so I can't come back even if I want to. All I can do now is exist as a ghost, and I'm too damn fragile this way.”
“So what do you want me to do?” The Puppet asked.
“You want to return to your roots, go back to the place you call home. It just so happens that I have a time machine-”
“Stop right there Enragement Child.” The Puppet interrupted. “I did a lot of damn research during my isolation, and I know for damn sure that ghosts can't time travel. You want me to go back in time and save your sorry ass, right? Well guess what asshole. Time travel doesn't change anything. All I'd be doing is kickstarting a new timeline. You wouldn't be a part of it. Why the fuck do you want me to go back in time if I can't change anything?”
BB was silent for a moment. “Do you know how a ghost is formed? Something living dies off one day, but has unfinished business. A ghost can't return to the grave until that business is settled. Do you know what I wanted to do?”
“You wanted power.” The Puppet responded. “You wanted to take over Fazbear Entertainment, kill Freddy and his friends, and then take over the world once that's done. In other words, you want what you can't possibly have.”
BB laughed his signature laugh. “Well said oh friend of mine. I can't do what I've always wanted to. Not after all this. But I can do the next best thing. If I send you back in time, and have you finish my plans for world conquest in a new timeline, I can rest in peace knowing that there is a timeline where I win, and that I was the one who created it.”
“Fine.” The Puppet said. “It's not like I have somewhere more important to be anyway.”
Engage the Future Motherfucker
“I fucking did it, eat my shit.”
Another camera down. Things were going good for Freddy Fuckboy. Bonnie, Chica, and Mangle were all by his side. 4 Cameras were now dead, and Freddy and co. were almost at level 20. Soon, they’ll take down and recruit their predecessors, the withered animatronics, and have 8 party members. Freddy and Co. were a force to be feared.
And then he came.
*REEEEAAAHHHH*
Freddy turned around to see Bonnie screaming in pain.
Bonnie’s servos locked up
“What.” He said in disbelief. “Bonnie, what the fuck? We aren’t even fighting anyone.”
*REEEEAAAHHHH*
Chica’s servos locked up
“Damn it Chica, not you too.”
*REEEEAAAHHHH*
Mangle’s servos locked up
“Well… I mean… that trash pile was doomed to malfunction sooner or later.” Freddy got onto his knees, putting his hands together in prayer. “Lord Michael, save me from these accursed glitches.”
“Your god can’t save you now.”
Freddy was frozen in disbelief at what he heard. He looked at the top of the screen to see the timer. 2 minutes 13 seconds and counting. The Puppet was still pacified by that stupid music box. Yet Freddy could hear his voice right behind him.
“It’s me.”
Freddy turned around. “Fuck my life.” Freddy saw The Puppet. He was wearing a futuristic visor, and had some weird device strapped onto his arm. “How the fuck did you get out of your box?” Freddy asked in disbelief.
“I didn’t.” He said plainly. “The Puppet you’ve been keeping at bay isn’t me. I’m from the future, Freddy Fuckboy. And music can’t soothe this savage beast.”
“Seriously?” Freddy asked. “Time travel? Why the fuck would you come back to 1987? Aren’t things better in the future?”
“Sadly, no.” The Future Puppet said. “But that has nothing to do with why I’m here. You see Freddy, you are destined to save the world. And a certain someone doesn’t like that. So here I am, ready to get rid of you.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You’re telling me that I’m the chosen one or some shit?” Freddy said.
“No, that would be fucking stupid. You just happen to be a roadblock that the villainous mastermind in question can’t get past.”
“And who is that?” Freddy asked.
“None of your fucking business. That’s who.”
Freddy was getting sick of this shit. “Fine. Can you at least tell me how you killed my friends.”
The Future Puppet showed of the device strapped to his arm. “With this custom made dildonics null-ray. It fucks up any primitive tech that runs on electricity.”
“Who you calling primitive?” Freddy said, feeling insulted. “Wait a minute, did you say dildonics? That technology was deemed forbidden by Lord Michael, along with all other forms of Sega tech.”
The Future Puppet laughed. “Blasphemes taste oh so sweet upon my tongue.”
“You don’t even have a tongue you fucking moron.”
The Future Puppet aimed his null-ray and pulled the trigger.
*REEEEAAAHHHH*
Freddy Fuckboy fell to the ground, writhing in pain as he felt his innards malfunction. His health was depleting at a constant yet slow rate as he squirmed and squealed on the floor.
The Future Puppet walked up to Freddy, getting a closer look at his victim. “You aren’t getting off as easy as your friends Freddy Fuckboy. I have a special punishment for you.” He grabbed Freddy by the leg and pulled him towards the main office.
***
The main office was just as boring as it always was, though Toy Freddy couldn’t appreciate it properly. Not while he was suffering severe internal malfunction anyway.
He was doing everything he could to bear the pain as he waited for his health to deplete to zero. If that stupid futuristic Puppet forgot to shut off the malfunction he started, Freddy’s servos would lock up. Once that happened, Freddy and co. would be revived by Michael’s Prophet, Cranky Kong, and get a second chance at taking this fucker down. Either that or they’d run away, whichever was more feasible.
As if to answer Freddy Fuckboy’s plan, the puppet shut off his dildonics null-ray.
Well, it was a good plan while it lasted.
“My plan is simple.” The future puppet started. “By removing Freddy Fuckboy from this establishment for good, rather than killing him, any and all rebellion will be easily quelled. Out of all the animatronics, no one can compare to the various Freddy models. I’ll start by sending you away, then your predecessor, and finally, if he doesn’t side with me, Golden Freddy.
“You’re fucking insane.” Freddy said, struggling to get up. “No way in hell can you take him on by yourself. Golden Freddy is the strongest of the Fuckboy family. Even I can’t take him on without help from my friends.” Finally, Freddy was up on his legs. “And even if you succeed, what do you gain from any of this?”
The Future Puppet attached a small device to Toy Freddy’s chest. “Control over Fazbear entertainment. No one’s getting fired for nights of debauchery ever again.” He pushed the button.
*REEEEAAAHHHH*
Freddy felt painful sparks and sputters among his animatronic parts. His health wasn’t lowering though. This time, his level was lowering. His level went from 18 to 0 in a matter of minutes, all the while making Freddy cringe with pain. He lost everything, his new abilities, his increased strength, defense, health, everything. He could practically hear Kranky Kong saying “git gud” in the background.
The pain finally subsided, leaving Freddy on his hands and knees welcome to hell feeling a sense of helplessness. He was a fucking noob now, with no hope of fighting back.
The Future Puppet pulled the device off of his chest. “Dildonics Noob Maker. Where’s your god now?” The Puppet turned around to the newly made archway built at the back of the office. “I’m getting rid of you for good.” He looked directly into the camera in front of the office’s desk. “You hear that Fazbear Entertainment? Your mascot is gone, and I’m taking his place. From now on, this place will be called Puppet’s Perfect Pizza!”
Freddy had one last hope. Lord Michael- he said in his thoughts. Give me strength.
He reached into his hat and pulled out his real microphone (which is significantly better than the plastic one he’d use on stage) and yelled as loud as he could in The Puppet’s direction.
All that managed to do was make him angry. The Future Puppet pulled out a Sega Menacer and shot an EMP blast at Freddy Fuckboy.
*REEEEAAAHHHH*
Back to writhing in pain. This was just one of those days.
The Puppet laughed. “I can see why your god forbids this technology. Aside from him thinking Sega games have inferior audio quality of course. With the right adjustments, it can be deadly to animatronics.” He got right up in Freddy’s face. “And that’s why I can’t lose.”
He walked over to the arch, programming a new location to teleport Freddy. He typed in specifications into the machine to narrow down his options. “Let’s see, no Freddy Fuckboy establishments, no weapons of mass destruction, has primitive tech, and most importantly, must shatter his fragile masculinity.”
“WHAT!?” Freddy responded. “Not my masculinity! Anything but my masculinity!”
If the Puppet could change his facial expression, he’d be making an evil grin that would make The Grinch proud. “Oooh~ A land of pastel ponies. Sounds perfect.” He walked over to Freddy Fuckboy. “Are you ready, Freddy?”
“No!” Freddy shouted. “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!”
To be continued.
