Ascent Through Approximation

by _MrSir_

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1127

After a small reworking of her ideology, Starlight Glimmer returns to public view. Now she will conquer the unequal masses through the magic of approximation! Besides, you can't keep a good despotic ruler down.

After a small reworking of her ideology, Starlight Glimmer returns to public view. Now she will conquer the unequal masses through the magic of approximation! Will it all add up in the end? Who knows? Starlight was never good at math.

Published 2015-05-12 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-12 02:10:01 UTC

Lessons (Not) Learned

Lessons (Not) Learned

Starlight would like to think that she is clever. Perhaps she isn't a spectacular cult leader or a benevolent dictator but she is good at one thing, persuasion. When Starlight talks there is generally a few ponies that listen. They may not be the sharpest tools in the shed but sometimes a dull blade works well enough.

Now starlight is once again at the reigns of a separatist group of devoted followers. This time she is determined to not screw up. In fact, she has a whole list of reasons why her last regime faltered and collapsed. The first of which was the ideology itself, since Starlight needed to retain her magic to "equalize" other ponies there could be no true equality. So that's why there are big red lines all throughout Starlight's master plans for world domination. Unfortunately , after all of the radical thinking was removed there was no reason to join Starlight's new town in the middle of nowhere because the community would be just like any other poorly financed settlement.

So in order to make her new paradise more appealing, Starlight wrote up a new manifesto. Although some critics clamied that portions of "The Approximation Essays" were blatantly copied from other radical philosphers, Starlight maintained that the similarites where the result of there being one perfect utopia that has been in the process of being concived. In the end, the fine details did not matter because a group of young idealists moved to Starlight's new village just as they did when she was on her whole equality kick.

When a crowd gathered at the site of the new village Starlight had to get back on her soap box and preach to all who would listen. After all, a few ponies are not going to turn an empty desert lot into a thriving city but perhaps a few hundred could.

"Your cutie marks are what leads you to unhappiness! Why have a certain set of skills and an ultimate destiny when your life can be undecided and inconsequential! If you join my revolution you can do want you want to do and not what you have to do. All you need to do is call 1-800-APRX! An operator is standing by to guide you into your new carefree life!" Starlight would say.

Surprisingly, the number of college students who joined doubled after Starlight started her own public access show. It only took a month for the first stage of Approximate City to be completed. Starlight's new cabin was quaint and certainly less spacious than her last residence but these things can't be helped. Starlight was lucky to make it this far when it came to the financial side of the whole operation. When Starlight ran into the caves she only had two bits to her name. That's why she wrote a whole inspirational lecture about her being a two-bit revolutionary.

Starlight was particularly fond of the new cafe that was built. The Approximately Good Cafe served remarkably better food than the last joint. Instead of substandard muffins the new cafe served passable biscuits. How was such a marvel of the cheap culinary arts accomplished? Starlight took all the money she saved on hiring an architect (now all the buildings in Approximate City looked approximately alike) and used it to hire a cook that was down on his luck.

Unfortunately there was no dramatic cave vault available on this plot of land. Starlight made due with her situation and now the "Approximation Chamber" is just a raised platform in he middle of the village. Since "Approximation" of a pony does not involve the removal of the actual cutie mark, there was no need for an elaborate glass storage case. A new "Stick of Approximation" had to be acquired however. After much consideration, Starlight decided on a piece of driftwood that she found near the oasis that was surrounded by Approximate City.

It wasn't long after phase one of the construction of Approximate City until the first pony wanted to be "Approximated" but this troubled Starlight. Starlight had a general idea of how she would preform the approximation spell but she never really tried it out on anything that could give useful feedback. When she would equalize a pony that pony would become rather complacent but what would be the effects of the approximation spell?

Starlight determined that there was no use worrying because all the spell did was shamelessly cover up the cutie mark with two squiggly lines. That was the genius of the approximation spell because the individual's skills and traits would still be present but in a more diluted form. Hopefully the spell wouldn't produce unskilled zombies like the equalization spell and in the end Starlight would still be more powerful than all of them.

Starlight granted the request for "Approximation" and gathered all of her followers around the "Approximation Chamber." Starlight held aloft the "Stick of Approximation" and mumbled some meaningless words stamped two squiggly lines on the mare's flank before finally casting the real spell that would have been unimpressive on its own.

"How do you feel?" Starlight asked.

"I feel okay. I guess I will be leaving now," the mare replied.

"Are you leaving to spread the word of my gift to you?" Starlight nervously inquired.

"Nah, I just don't feel like building up this city anymore. I want to go out and do something I guess," the mare apathetically responded.

"How could you betray your brothers and sisters in their time of need! There is still work to be done!" Starlight snarled.

"To be honest Starlight, this whole city kind of stinks. The food is just ok and the architecture leaves much to be desired. Also you have neglected to provide a definitive healthcare provider and the future plans for mass transit will have long term feasibility issues. In addition, we all hear you mumble your plans of world domination to yourself and I personally do not wish to be a part of that. Finally, the whole smoke and mirrors charade you just performed had no affect on me whatsoever," the mare stated in a matter-of-fact sort of way.

Starlight was shocked at such a roasting of her policy. This reminded her to make a note to outlaw dissenting opinions in the future. Unfortunately there would be no future for her "Approximate" utopia. What the mare had said rang true with the rest of the community and by the end of the day no pony remained in Approximate City, not even Starlight herself.

Once again the wayward pony ran off into the sunset. Starlight was already making plans for the next town and maybe next time she could get the whole civil engineering part right.