Modern Vernacular

by GoG ToXiC

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Sex
Length: 1779

Luna doesn't understand modern idioms. Twilight knows this far too well. Luna knows Twilight knows and takes advantage of the fact.

When Luna asked Twilight for help adapting to the modern Equestrian language, Twilight was quick to agree. She was happy to call Luna her friend, but royal duties between the both of them typically dictated that their visits were few and far between, and any opportunity to see the Lunar diarch on a less formal basis was okay in her books. Helping Luna understand the convoluted idioms Equestrians love to create seemed like great fun anyway. She just... She hadn't expect Luna to be that out of date. Fortunately, Twilight's not a pony to back away from a challenge, and a vintage bottle of Manehattan Vintage Marelot is all the reinforcement she needs to enjoy giving the lessons and ignore the inevitable headaches to follow.

Originally written for the TwiLuna prompt collab, but I decided to expand it to its own story (also, the collab was dead).

Huge thanks goes out to my awesome proofreader Absolution for putting up with my shit and arguing with me over a lot of things. Even if we ended up not agreeing on most things, those discussions led to a lot of different changes which this story is very much the better for.

~sex tag to be safe, nothing really explicit

Coverart from illuminatiums.

Featured on the 12th of May :D

Published 2015-05-11 21:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-11 21:40:03 UTC

Modern Vernacular

Twilight grimaced as she used her magic to bring the shot glass to her lips for what must have been the fourth time that evening, knocking back the liquid patience as though it was second nature. She sighed with relief as she felt the stress and tension of the evening ease away just a little. Celestia was right; the alcohol was a good idea. Twilight wasn’t entirely certain how she’d ever made it through these little sessions before it. Still, it wasn’t that she regretted offering to acclimatize Luna with modern Equestrian vernacular. She just hadn’t expected Luna to be this out of date.

Twilight still remembered the evening she’d dragged herself off to bed only to be knocked out of it by a Discord shaped hay bale delivered by Luna for ‘her hitting pleasure,’ and she wasn’t even going to think about the time she’d offered to ‘get out of Luna’s mane’.

She understood the struggle. Really, she did. One thousand years of evolving language was only one of many things Luna had missed out on, and she was trying to catch up on all of them while still attending to her royal duties. To add to it all, Equestrian was likely the most convoluted language in all of Equus. It was just… difficult. Being out of date was one thing, but sometimes Luna’s interpretation of modern idioms was downright disturbing. Most of the time as a matter of fact.

Twilight caught herself before she started reflecting on past lessons. Only madness lay down that path.

On the subject of madness, Luna was speaking again. “And we have been informed by Tia that this ‘hanging out’ is not a new method of execution?”

Twilight nearly spat out her drink. “Execution? Execution has been outlawed in Equestria since-” she couldn’t put her hoof on the number, but she was sure it was a large one. “Since forever!”

Luna stared at her. “Truly?”

Twilight nodded. It made her uncomfortable to even think about… that.

Luna adopted a thoughtful disposition. “Then perhaps our ponies feared us not for the night, but for the widespread execution of all who opposed our foreign policy?”

Twilight blinked.

“T’was a joke, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Oh.” Twilight laughed nervously. “It wasn’t very funny.”

Luna sighed. “Perhaps we should move on, Twilight Sparkle. It appears our sense of humour does us no favours this evening.” She hesitated. “What of the phrase ‘to make out’? We were of the understanding that it merely meant ‘to see’, but Tia tells us it has adopted a new meaning? We are… confused, as to what other meaning such a simple phrase could come to possess?”

Twilight considered Luna's question and quickly came to the unrelated but important conclusion that more alcohol was a very good idea. Slowly, she refilled her empty glass, bringing the drink to her muzzle delicately before slamming it back in a single gulp.

“Twilight? Thou hast adopted a most peculiar crimson hue. Are you unwell?”

I will be in the morning, Twilight didn’t say, choosing instead to attempt to answer Luna's original question. And 'attempt' was certainly the right word for it. “Making out is…” she stumbled on her words, though she was more than happy to attribute the effect to the alcohol in her system. “It’s… umm… It’s hard to describe. It’s when two ponies-”

Luna cut her off, and- was she smirking? “Perhaps it would be easier if you showed us?”

“That-” Twilight didn’t remember Luna being so close before. In fact she was quite certain they hadn’t been muzzle to muzzle before. The lidded eyes were new too, she considered. Of course, Luna’s suggestion certainly made sense. The show don’t tell rule applied to things like this, didn’t it? Twilight could feel her body heating up as Luna held her gaze. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Perhaps it was both? It was probably both.

She probably lacked the vocabulary to properly explain it anyway.

Luna leaned forward, and Twilight couldn’t help but notice how stunning a figure she cut under the shimmering moonlight.

Yep. She definitely didn’t have the vocabulary. In an utterly graceless motion, Twilight pressed her lips against the lunar diarch’s, misjudging the amount of force needed entirely and knocking Luna backwards to the balcony floor, wings splayed out behind her. She saw Luna’s eyes momentarily open wide with shock, adopting a somewhat comical ‘o’ shape as she tried to counterbalance the force of another alicorn’s embrace before giving up and letting Twilight carry on forward, Luna’s hooves reaching out to pull her tight.

Twilight paid the jarring impact no heed as she fell into the moon’s open embrace.

Twilight didn’t want to wake up. She could feel the sun beating down upon her, as well as the splitting headache that always followed a night involving alcohol. Intuition and experience told her that letting the two join forces could only end in disaster. She’d fall back asleep if she could - her dreams had been particularly wonderful and lucid - but the rhythmic breathing of her pony shaped mattress was distracting enough to keep that from being an option. The breath tickling her ear was also rather off putting and-

…

Twilight let one eye creep open.

Twilight closed it again, and ordered her mind to reboot. She confirmed that all higher functions were operating as smoothly as she could reasonably demand of them under the duress of a hangover, and let the eye sneak back open.

Logic dictated that once she’d eliminated all other possibilities, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Wings… Check.

Horn… Check.

Crescent moon emblazoned on flank… Check.

With that information in mind, she was reasonably certain Luna hadn’t introduced her to an identical twin sister last night, and ‘soulless being of eternal hatred and vengeance’ wasn’t checked off on the mental checklist. Chrysalis was still gone, so that left her with-

Suddenly last night’s lucid dreams made a great deal more sense.

“Good morning Twilight Sparkle,” a mirthful voice whispered into her ear. Twilight’s eyes snapped open, and she groaned as she desperately tried to blink away the blinding stream of light doing its best to impale her skull. “I must say, I found last night’s study session to be most rewarding, but I’m ashamed to say I may have forgotten one of your lessons. I believe it was… the last one?” Twilight had regained enough vision that she didn’t miss Luna’s suggestive wink. “Perhaps there could be a morning review?”

Twilight blinked. If she wasn't trying to jam her eyes shut and banish the sun from existence then she was fairly certain her eye would be twitching, and she could feel the 501st Panic Legion preparing another assault on the fortress she called her mind. A shake of her head scattered the troops, stymying the attack as she tried to scramble the necessary faculties to think upon the fact that Luna was still looking at her with bedroom eyes and oh Celestia-

Checklist. She needed a checklist.

She looked at her mental agenda for the week. Spend the night making out with Princess Luna had been roughly stenciled in between the lines and marked as complete. Below it, Spend the morning making out with Princess Luna was double underlined in bold font and eagerly awaiting the checkmark that would indicate all was still well with the world. A twinge at the back of her skull told her the forces of panic were regrouping to renew their attack.

Twilight nodded. She met Luna's eyes and her breath hitched. Her eyes… They twinkled with the light of a thousand million stars and suddenly the sun didn’t seem so blinding anymore. Twilight could see the wisdom in those eyes; the wisdom that spoke of utmost assurance in her actions and hid no doubt. Twilight could lose herself in those eyes; it felt like she might have already. The teasing smirk still shaped Luna’s features, but the sincerity was in her eyes. This wasn’t a game, and Luna wouldn’t press any harder than she already had.

Twilight smiled and leaned downward.

Luna met her halfway.

The embrace was deep, and Twilight offered no resistance as Luna pulled her deeper, her own hooves wandering. A lavender hoof found itself tracing the crescent moon which adorned Luna’s flank, and Twilight pressed herself further into the kiss as Luna couldn’t stifle a gasp. Her other hoof massaged open lunar wings, and Twilight broke the kiss with a grin as Luna purred with satisfaction.

“Luna,” Twilight whispered, gazing down at the other mare with an honest smile.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“When we’re done here, I’m going to panic harder than I ever have before, and it’s going to be your problem.”

Luna smirked. “You’ve had me hot and bothered for months, my dear Twilight. You’re already my problem.” She paused, and suddenly Twilight found herself rolled over sideways, wings extended and pinned to the ground by ebon hooves. Luna’s lips brushed her own; Twilight grinned like a smitten filly. “You’re the biggest problem I’ve ever faced,” Luna continued, dragging her hooves roughly down Twilight’s sides and caressing small circles along her flanks as Twilight let out a sharp gasp. “My favourite problem.” Twilight shuddered as Luna’s teeth clamped down on one of her ears, and then the other. Her tongue flicked out. “And. I. love it.” Her voice drawled sensually, the words caressing Twilight like rays of ensconcing moonshine, and Twilight melted under the weight of Luna’s affections.

She bit her tongue as she drank in the sight above her: a goddess framed by the backdrop of her element and gazing down at Twilight like she was the only other thing worthy of note within the world. When Twilight finally spoke, her voice was a whisper. “I think I’d love to stay your problem.”

Luna smiled, and for a moment the heat and lust was gone, and there was only calm, gentle, sincerity. “Until the last star dies and the moon crumbles from the heavens, my love.”

She moved to lean downward and Twilight met her at the top.

Author's Note

Originally written for the prompt "Making out" on the Twiluna prompt collab. Once I realized that thing was basically dead, I overhauled it and made it into its own story, since I really liked the idea. This is basically my 'glorious' return to the fandom after some couple years of absence.

Again, big thanks goes out to absolution for being an awesome proofreader, and another big thanks also goes out to you guys and girls for actually enjoying the words I put to paper.