Eyes Wide As Dinner Plates
I was really stunned, not by how big the auditorium room was going to be, but by what I saw when I was supposed to step into it.
A first class ticket for my face to see a wooden floor - maybe at terminal velocity, but whatever.
As a composed and satisfactorily mature homo sapien, I muttered what would only make sense at the moment. "My balance instincts are a son of a gun." I could feel the slight weight of my trombone laying on me; it, along with my band binder, had toppled over me when my face and the floor had the unfortunate encounter. Great, it might as well be snowing paper around here in Dallas. I groaned heavily and attempted to try to regain my respectful biped position, but as I started to get up, I heard some snickering followed by a female voice.
"Please don't use that kind of language here." I officially flopped a second time. I knew that what I said was sort of a curse, but she said it like a crime case where a police officer scolds you for various inhumane actions. "Come on, get up and introduce yourself to the class."
Wait a minute, that wasn't right; I am in an auditorium... right? I scrambled to get up and apologize to the teacher and head on back to my group of band students, but I was greeted by the face of a purple equine. I, being a very logical person, used Orccam's Razor and Newton's Flaming Laser Sword (I still laugh saying that outloud) to produce my next line of dialogue. "AHHHHH!!!!! Pastel colored ungulate with geometrically impossible eyes! I wished once that Murphy's Law wouldn't apply! Not like this!" I wondered what the look on it's face was. Seriously, I've never been so impulsive in my life, except for when things are just about to go wrong, and what do you know, my next sentence got me a hard slap on the face. "Freaking hell!!"*SLAP, "Since when was life so ironic? This time it's not even situational irony!"
I continued a rant about my luck which quickly digressed into petty things like why my CPU had a 32 nanometer processing unit. Ugh, I was known as one of the most socially unbearable students in my class. Now I see why.
I grunted loudly and looked up at the mini-horse with the biggest frown I could form. Its eyes were projecting me with the confusion and irritation I had not-so-neatly packed up and blown in her face as a startle. My look then changed to a frown with respect; she was probably a good teacher if she, that is if I assumed correctly, was one.
"Come on, be a good quadruped and introduce yourself. You are quite energetic as it seems." I froze up as I processed the last words she said.
Oh. My. God. She said quadruped. That word had somehow become the password for the shutdown-all-motor-functions-and-pass-out process; I should get a VPN for myself sometime.
I collapsed to the floor in a daze, with my eyes as expansive as dinner plates. The thought finally occurred to me: I wasn't a human anymore.
I could've sworn I was being carried by the other equines that were in the room. I could've also sworn that they were gossiping on how much of an idiot I had acted like on my first alien encounter. To be honest, it wasn't that bad was it? I mean, it was completely by surprise.
I remember myself mumble, just barely coherently, to the party holding me; I whispered, "Alien encounters. This job is for the man in black, not me." Then, I really lost consciousness there.
In a galaxy, far, far away, an entity just cold-booted out of REM sleep. I bolted upright to put a whatever on my forehead; surprisingly, it turned out to be a claw."Dafug?" It was really the only thing I could say.
As a result, my eyes and brain slowly made their way down to my lower body, scanning and not-really processing what they were seeing. They came up with an insane conclusion: I AM A MOTHAFUDGING GRIFFON or gryphon... or whatever. My eyes went wide -- again -- before turning my head to see that purple pony from before as well as some doctors and nurses; that's what they probably were. I didn't really have much brain matter to really allocate any thought to them, so I continued inspecting my body like someone who is figuring out a 20-step word problem. Which, of course, meant I had the most confusing facial expression to anybody I could make. Imagine a person angrily frowning while being tickled while watching the scariest romance movie ever... while looking like a complete idiot. However, I did learn some stuff from my inspection: 1. I am probably a really big woodpecker based on my beak shape 2. My bird half is black in color, so can I not lose my Asian-ness or what? And 3. I am probably the size of an average human 8 year-old. Well, atleast the diet of a griffon is somewhat similar to that of a human's; seriously, what would I do without omnivorism?
"So, I must apologize for scaring and causing you to pass out. Please forgive me."
Once the purple ungulate released her words, they wrecked my train of thought, causing it to hurtle into "The land of the existing."
"Whetertle-fteayeo-hyuafer-protyqua?" I face-clawed at my stupidity. "God damn the events leading up to today." I murmured.
"What did I tell you about cursing?" There it was again; that annoying thing everyone one who has a right to control your life says. I never understood the ban of cursing. For example, if you're supposed to curse just to relieve pain, then why is it banned anyway. Ugh, better not mess with da gubbenment.
"You told me to not cuss; to be honest, I think that's just complete bullshit." There we go! I just dropped in an S-bomb followed by a smirk; better be a trouble-maker when you've apparently gone insane than never, right? "Also, I never knew woodpecker griffons existed; I never heard of them in Greek or Roman mythology." I just had to say that last line for the reactions; either they would say 'what myths?' or 'wut?' It was nice trolling people when they were unaware of it.
However, before she spoke, I cut her off. "You better stand down, or I'll use my 2000 SAT score against you! Ya can't stop me from going to UT Austin now!" Everyone in the room started to bring up the confusion in their faces, so I burst out laughing at their reaction.
Toying around with stuff they obviously knew nothing about was so hilarious; I pounded them with slang and stupid memes to see their faces for a while. It definitely was a fair price to pay for; but eventually, their confusion was slowly replaced by faces of concern: like, you-have-a-problem-with-your-head concern faces, crap. I knew I was most likely weird the fact that I was acting in tune with my world, not the horse's world, but I didn't want to get sent to a mental institute no matter what dimension I was in.
"No wait!" Everyone's faces looked up a little. "Don't send me to an asylum! I didn't know the word 'crazy' was in the dictionary in this... country." Whew, good thing I stopped myself from saying 'world.' I hoped that saved my little trip.
"Whatever are you talking about? We knew you were joking about the stuff you made up; we were wondering if you would ever stop. Besides, your adoptive parents are right here. After all, you did move here into Ponyville just a few days ago."
You know how most businesses have computers that have their passwords changed often? I can relate to that since the pony's statement had also unlocked the power to disable my body. I hate passing out; it makes me miss school.
"This is Air Pincher and Camber Foil; they will be your new parents. Your lucky they're both pegasi to help you with your flying." The maybe-nurse said. "Maybe we should have you checked up for any abnormalities with your often loss of consciousness."
I was in a position to not do anything since I really had no idea what the consequences would be. Best to keep my mouth shut until I can get some intel. "Umm... No I'm just fine. Er...--"
"Well good, and here are your belongings. What are these?"
The memories came back to me swiftly. I completely forgot about my backpack with my leisure items. I quickly picked up my Rubik's cube, watch, and musical stuff as I tried to get off the hospital bed.
You know, I once made up this quote when I was in a math class; it was "Things are hard only when you think about it." Apparently, the same rules apply to walking with 2 to the power of 4 divided by 4 legs. It took considerable effort to not think about walking, but it was suddenly made easier when all the equines in the room started asking me questions
"What does that cube do?"
"It's Rubik's cube; it's a puzzle." I responded
"What kind of enchantment does that watch have to be so small?"
"What? There's no psychic stuff involved. It's just gears, batteries, and some quarts."
I started to take my irritation out on my Rubik's cube my scrambling and solving once I sat down. That fed the confusion on my so-called-parents' faces. "I see how it's a puzzle, but how does it work?"
I answered their question by popping out an edge and corner piece. That kickstarted another question. "Can I try an solve it?"
"It'd take you weeks and you could never come close to solving it." I scoffed. Speedcubing are one of the many things that give you bragging rights.
"Well, let me try anyway. I'm sure it won't take long to solve." Yeah, right. I smugly handed him the cube which he could turn surprisingly easily with hooves. However, his reset blank face turned to more confusion. "How does this even work? Once I solve one side, I can't solve another without messing the first side up. How do you do it?"
I made a very irritating and cryptic response. "You solve by layers, and you learn lots and lots of algorithms." I then preceded to take the cube from him and solved it while mostly staring at him. "Takes some months of practice."
