This is bad!

by Fictional Fanatic

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 3404

A human suddenly finds himself as one of the Pinkie Pie clones from the episode "Too many Pinkies" He would have simply hidden so that he could keep living, but unfortunately he found himself with the others, starring at paint. What will he do?

This is a one shot. It is the first one I've ever written and it was done in one session.

Dark tag is for implying certain outcomes.

Alexander suddenly finds himself in the world of Equestria without any explanation at all. He finds himself as one of the Pinkie Pie clones from the episode "Too many Pinkies" and staring at paint. He dares not move as he knows what's coming if he does. With only his knowledge of MLP:FIM and the memories of the clone he now inhabits he has to find a way to stay, while keeping the real Pinkie Pie out of danger as well.

This one, is a hard one.

This idea hit me like a truck after reading "Drifting" Written by: ShadowKirby

Featured: (2015-05-14) to (2015-05-18) Thank you all! Also, this story now has a sequel, it's called "This is worse!".

IK+ likes? Holy Guacamole!:rainbowderp:

Published 2015-05-14 00:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-14 00:30:02 UTC

What we choose to do as we stare at anything but death. (re-edited)

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we could never even have fathomed in our minds that we would ever be a part of. This one situation I found myself in would be just that, something I never saw myself in. Oh, right... Forgot that part. Let me start over.

Hello, my name is Alexander and I am currently in the worst panic attack of my life. Does it show? No, it doesn't. If it did, I'd have a beam of certain death to my face. This one thing also happens to be what is inducing my panic attack... Well, at least a part of it. You see... No, let me explain something else first.

I am a human. A bipedal, furless monkey that comes from an advanced civilization that has managed to attain space flight. Sums us up well enough? I hope so, I don't have time to go into detail. Now, on my planet (I come from planet Earth. Most humans do as far as I am aware.) there is something called television. It allows people like me or any other person to watch information on a flat screen. The information can vary from being worldwide news to a TV series for kids. A TV series for those of you who don't know about TV, is an adaption of comics for the TV. Now, I happen to be a fan of a certain show that is called "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic." It's a show about ponies who live in Equestria.

I should also mention that I'm explaining things because all of this is an attempt to break the fourth wall. I don't know if I'm currently succeeding or not so I'll just keep on going.

The reason for the certain doom ray of hopelessness and the fact I'm scared out of mind right now is because I have found myself in this very weird situation. I have found myself in Equestria. Not just in Equestria, but as a pony. Most people from the MLP:FIM fandom would stop me right there and say something along the lines: "Stop it right there! What the hoof are you complaining about?" For those of you unaware, ponies have hooves. Seeing as they have no hands their language replaces hand with hooves in their way of speech, some other words got pulled into the ponyfication of the language as well. One of those is the word 'heck' it is replaced by 'hoof' for some reason. As shown in the season two ending where Twilight states: "Who in the hoof is THAT?". Now that I explained that let's move on.

Now, where was I? Oh, right! Most fans of the show would stop me right there. Equestria is a peaceful and magic filled nation. Why wouldn't one want to go there as a pony and have a chance at becoming one of the magical races like Pegasus, Unicorn or Earth pony? Well, It does sound lovely, but please, let me finish.

I'm now a pony, in Equestria. Not just any pony, apparently. I couldn't just have my body transformed into a pony, instead I have to inhibit another pony's body. About here people would go: "I've read enough Humans In Equestria stories like this, I'm out." To you I say, wait. I'm not done yet. There would be many implications for trouble right there. If someone found out I had replaced one of their friends it would be bad enough, but I actually managed to avoid that one particular issue and land myself even farther into the abyss. For you see, I have become Pinkie Pie.

JUST LET ME FINISH, CELESTIA DAMN IT! Most just cried out: "I've read that too!" I'm telling you! This is different. I'm not just Pinkie Pie, I'm one of the damn clones from that one episode in season three "Too Many Pinkies"!

There. As any hardcore fan of the show would, I know that the clones in the end all get sent back. This is one of the things that is currently tearing me apart. I most likely could just run away from the rest of the Pinkies and hide until this whole thing is over... But there is a problem. I happen to have the worst timing ever... I woke up during the paint drying scene! I'm currently stuck in a room, full of other pinkie clones and the real Pinkie Pie, all of us looking at a wall of paint as it dries. Not only is it pure torture, but if we look away or get distracted we fail a "test" and get blasted back to Celestia knows where.

Yeah, you kinda get what I'm getting at here... But wait. There's MORE!

As I gained the body of this Pinkie clone I also got its memories, and let me say. THIS. IS. SO. FUCKED. UP! These clones are not what they seem. In the show, the clones are seen as rather stupid and only have the one desire to have fun. That is not true in this case. These clones, all of them are living, breathing, prefect Pinkie Pies, in all aspects but one! They're all for replacing the real Pinkie Pie. They have all been through this thing before with other ponies and they know they would most likely all be sent back if not careful, so they devised a plan. And to be honest, it is a brilliant plan, but it is so evil! The plan is to replace the real Pinkie Pie by creating this very situation! Every clone is currently sacrificing themselves in an attempt to distract the real Pinkie Pie so that she would be out of the way. According to the show, however, we know that plan would fail, unless my presence changed something or this is a world that doesn't follow the show.

Every clone was assigned a time at which they would try and distract her, the earlier your time is, the higher the priority for you as the replacement, but the bigger the risk if the clone before you fails. It's a balanced system and quite a fair one to be honest. With higher risk comes greater chance of reward... And it has already been my turn. None of the clones has said or done anything as I missed my turn, but every single one that gets shot in my field of vision has always taken an extra second to give me an evil glare. One that says, you're so dead when you're back in the mirror pool.

Another reason to be scared in this situation. Right now I have one goal, I'm trying to survive as well as keeping the real Pinkie Pie away from the spell. The need to do something else doesn't help. I'm determined to stare at the paint as the other clones disappear one after another. My time is running up short and I'm running out of options of what to do. I know where the real Pinkie Pie is, I've already decided to sacrifice myself if Twilight targets her before I come up with a better plan. I'm really not keen on dying though.

As I keep trying to figure out a plan to save both mine and Pinkie's hides, at the same time as trying to sit completely still, I get a very bad feeling. Seemingly, so do all the other Pinkies except the one in front of me. We all have a twitching tail! Most of us ignore it but a few get blasted as they jump up gasping or screaming about a twitching tail. The clone in front of me does something far worse, it turns around towards me with an evil grin on its face.

"Fun" it says like it's the most natural thing in the world. The message is clear; when the code word "Fun" used for communications between the clones is uttered, using different pitches and lengths of the word means different things. This one means one thing. "Death." Before I can completely grasp what is going on I once again hear the spell being fired by Twilight. Once again the evil smile gets bigger as the clone crouches down and jumps up. I realize what it has done, the spell is coming right for me!

My time is up! I don't know what to do, this clone is crazy! It gave away its own chance, so that I would be hit! As my panic nearly makes me jump out of the way, I see the panic on Twilight's own face. She knows there's a risk I might be the real Pinkie Pie and that she has now shot at me. I'm conflicted, if I jump out of the way I'll save myself, but if I do I'll also be one of the ones who lost concentration and will most likely be singled out as a clone. As I'm unable to decide, my body freezes up and I prepare for the worst, somehow still managing to look at the paint. It is a good thing I do. I'm saved at the last possible moment by Rainbow dash as she dives in front of me with a mirror! I'm saved, but I also immediately see a new problem. We now all know the spell can be reflected by mirrors, and we're all Pinkie Pies, we all know where to get a mirror.

As relieved as I am from escaping certain doom for a while longer I also know that this test is now worth nothing! Anypony can now escape the spell as long as they see it coming. But the mane six don't know this, they still see all of us like mindless clones who only know how to have fun. So let me translate what just happened... SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

I still dare not look away from the paint. I hear the spell being cast once again, and once again hear the sound of it bouncing off of something. I was right! Just as I am about to turn and run for my life, I hear something else. It's the fast beating wings of a pegasus. I hear a crash and Rainbow Dash screaming for Twilight to shoot the clone she managed to restrain, hopefully they'll be able to do so to all the others.

For every single moment I'm getting closer and closer to losing myself in my ever growing panic. I can not tell the time and it is starting to bother me. I haven't heard the spell being fired for quite a while. I'm unsure if this is because I and Pinkie Pie are the only ones left or if the rest of the clones are now reconsidering their plan. I don't even know which one is the best case scenario and I'm scared. Really scared.

As I keep looking for a solution, I start an internal clock to measure the time. Hopefully I can outlast all the clones and save myself and the real Pinkie, somehow. After three hours of constant thinking, listening to complaints of how long it's taking and paint gazing I realize that the paint has dried, I'm about to point it out to Pinkie's friends but stop myself. After another fifteen minutes the wall is re painted, at least I'll have something to look at.

It is completely silent. I'm starting to feel tired. I don't know for how long I can keep this going, but I have to keep on doing this. The time keeps on going and it keeps on getting worse and worse, fifteen times already has Rainbow Dash tried to fool us by shouting something in style with "Look over there, FUN!", but no one is reacting. It's starting to seem silly, there are no clones left in front of me and there haven't been for many hours, there must be some left, either that or It's only me and the real Pinkie Pie left. In my boredom I finally manage to hatch a plan, if you can call it that. It's simple, but so full of risks. So utterly stupid that it might actually work. I'm hoping this works. Sorry in advance for doing this Pinkie.

I do it all in a swift motion. I pull out a small hoofheld mirror out of my mane as I turn around and see her, the only other Pinkie Pie in the room. Bingo! As I hear the spell being flashed, I throw the mirror in the way of the beam without even looking. I know Twilight's position relative to me. I can already hear a few pairs of hooves and the flap of Rainbow's wings, but they won't help her now. My plan unfolds as I leap towards Pinkie Pie. Another beam right now could get me, but Twilight has yet to charge another one and she won't have any time after I get close enough. I fall right down on Pinkie I extend my forehooves outwards in a hugging grip, ready for anypony. It goes just as planned.

The sudden hug surprises her enough to tear her gaze off the painted wall and make a loud gasp in surprise. I grin internally as my plan unfolds and we are both flung across the floor in a roll, making it impossible to see who of us is who, only the fact that I'm the one hugging her giving away our roles. As we come to a stop Pinkie looks me in the eyes. She has no idea what's going on as I scream: "STOP!" I hear everything and everypony stop, the flap of wings, the charging of the spell and the sound of hooves. I keep on hugging Pinkie Pie and continue. "I'll say this once, yes I'm a clone, but right now I'm holding the real Pinkie Pie and if you shoot us Twilight, we'll both get sent to the mirror pool!" I am bluffing, I have no idea how the spell actually works. Hopefully the book didn't specify what would happen if one blasted a pony holding onto another.

Waiting for a response and getting none, I assume that my bluff worked. They are waiting for me to say more. I am afraid and dare not even try looking at them. All I can do is look at the pony in my forelegs. The one pony with an unsure look on her face, a terrified unsure look on her face that also seems to hold something else, relief? Oh yes, right. I forgot I just admitted to being a clone and said she was the real one, she had doubted herself in the show.

"However," I continue, "I am not like the others. I do not know how, but I'm not just one of those clones created by the mirror pool. I somehow ended up in this body not so long ago, sitting there staring at paint. I was terrified of the situation I found myself in as I saw the memories of this clone. Also, you should know that these clones are not as stupid as you think. They've had you all fooled. They have all been trying to fool you so they could get rid of the real Pinkie Pie and replace her. I'm not one of them! I want Pinkie to be the one to stay, but I don't want to go back either, especially not since I betrayed the other clones and will most likely not receive any warm welcomes in the mirror pool. Please, I beg of you, let me stay here and at least tell my side of the story properly before you send me back." At this point I'm openly crying and sniffling. I'm so scared, if this doesn't work I'm as good as dead, if not actually dead. But at least it's the real Pinkie Pie that lives on, right?

"And why would we listen to you? You just admitted you're a clone and you threatened us with taking Pinkie with you!" Rainbow Dash accused me. I was about to respond, but before I could somepony else did.

"Now hold it there sugar cube. We could at least listen what the girl has to say, seeing as she's not just jumping around saying 'Fun' all the time." I hear the sweet voice of Applejack.

"And what stops her from lying to us? She just threatened Pinkie!" Rainbow exclaimed, making my dread of the end closing in rise back up.

"Actually, she might have saved Pinkie. She just told us for certain who the real Pinkie is, and she stopped me from firing at her when I didn't realize it could end up sending them both back." Twilight said. "But it is also true that she is holding the real Pinkie hostage. So her explanations are questionable." Twilight ended her deduction, not making me feel any better for having done this.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. She's a clone! So let's send her back to where she belongs!" It hurt to hear such a thing from Rainbow Dash as a former brony. Man, I really am in the deep part of the pool if I'm on bad terms with Rainbow Dash.

"Please, listen to me. I had no choice if I wanted to avoid being shot at as soon as I spoke up. So I did the only thing that came to my mind! I've been trying to do this for the few last hours! So please, don't send me there." I say, still looking into the eyes of Pinkie Pie, finding comfort in her eyes showing me sympathy. (Or is it empathy?)

"And we're supposed to believe that? I'm not-" Rainbow manages to say before being interrupted.

"I believe her." Comes the voice of Pinkie Pie from underneath me. Once again smiling, also with tears in her eyes.

I am shocked. I didn't expect this, I'm getting help from the one pony I thought would resent me most of all. New tears start forming in my eyes as I finally find courage to look up at the other Ponies. "So please, hear me out and let me walk around without the threat of that spell," I look at Twilight with as much of a pleading look I can manage.

"Fine, If Pinkie trusts you, I guess I do as well." Twilight says as she powers down her horn that had been active this whole time. I feel relieved. One less threat, for now. Now I have to really convince them.

As I'm about to let go of Pinkie Pie, she takes it a step further. "Pinkie Promise?" she asks Twilight, making Twilight freeze in her spot. "She wouldn't." I thought to myself. But Twilight sighed and hung with her head.

"Fine. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my ey-Ouw!" She yelped as she poked herself in the eye by mistake. I would have found it immensely funny, but I couldn't laugh, not at all. I had just been this close of being sent back into the mirror pool. And Twilight had lied without even hesitating. My only ally in this, right now, was Pinkie Pie.

The threat now removed I hesitantly removed myself from Pinkie Pie who immediately bolted up from the floor and enveloped me in a hug of her own. "Don't worry. I'll help you." She said.

"Thank you Pinkie, Thank you." I said, recovering from the sudden hug and hugged back. "Thank you."

Author's Note

So... My first one shot. Something I spent hours on from the moment I had the idea to the moment I finished writing it... I have a test in 15 minutes... Best Idea ever...

This story would not have been possible without the right track of mind. That one track was found here. Give that Author a few cookies and likes.

So how was this for a read?

Edit: I have now fixed everything pointed out by my proof reader Greycait. i uploaded this first time before he had a chance to take a look at it. I just couldn't ignore such a story not being published after more than 24 hours. So hopefully this story is now a bit more pleasant.

2nd edit: I have corrected a few things pointed out by Princess Cadence.