Stranded in Horse People Land

by Typist Gray

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Adventure, Random
Length: 4460

A strange being and his companions find themselves stranded in the world of Equestria. They must find a way back without causing too much trouble to the locals.

Strangers from another world, Fel, Isaac, and Noel, find themselves stranded in Equestria. Normally denizen of a much harsher realm, they must find a way back without causing a complete catastrophe.

However, strange omens have been observed and it seems that Felarya may be coming to Equestria in the worst possible way.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-21 03:16:50 UTC

Cutie Marks and Curiosities

“Oh buck me.” Fel groaned. His entire body ached and his fingers and toes were completely numb. His mind was a jumble. “Threat. Enemy. Incapacitated by enemy. Escape. Must escape.”

“Fel.” A woman’s voice called.

“Noel?” Fel muttered, his voice sounding a bit hoarse. Something nudged him. Was it Noel? It felt like some animal’s muzzle. Why wasn’t she examining him? Fel strained to open his eyes. Eventually he was able to see the pleasant noon sun, the calming yet oddly short trees, and the white unicorn staring down at him with concerned eyes.

“Are you alright, my lord?” the unicorn asked in Noel’s voice. “You’re new body does not appear to be injured.”

“Dear god in heaven, no!” Fel exclaimed. His hands shook with fear as he moved them into view, where he learned he had no hands, but hooves and gray fur. For a moment he said nothing as he stared at the stumps before him.

“My lord?” Noel asked.

Finally Fel spoke. “I’m going to kill someone.” Fel stated matter-of-factly. He pressed each of his hooves firmly into the grass and slowly worked to push himself up. His knees, unfamiliar with their new shape, wobbled a moment, but eventually he stood at his full height. “I don’t know who did this, but I will make them suffer for this insult.”

“Isaac and I woke up first.” Noel added.

“He like this too?”

“I believe the term for him would be Pegasus. He is scouting the area.”

Fel scrunched his horse face in annoyance, and then exhaled in relief. “Why is the first word to pop in my head ‘typical’? That just seems so wrong.” Fel paid Noel no mind as he practiced trotting around her.

Noel craned her neck to follow Fel’s every move. “I am missing many of my instruments, my lord. But my internal censors appear to be intact, though functioning at a fraction of full capacity.”

“Uh-huh.” Fel nodded. “Yo Isaac!”

A black Pegasus descended from the sky with the speed of a falling rock. A tree managed to break his fall. With a few grunts and whines, he managed to wiggle his way through the brush to poke his head out of the side. “These lousy wings are so freaking tiny. How does anyone stay up with these thing?”

“New body, soldier.” Fel said with a commanding voice. “You are in an alien environment and your body doesn’t work as you expect. What do you do?”

Isaac took a breath. “Remain calm. Assess the situation.”

“Very good. Also, it’s pronounced ‘any pony’. Gotta learn the local dialect.” Fel grinned widely. “But before that, let’s check out our cutie marks.”

“Our what now?” Isaac asked.

“I recognize this universe.” Fel assured confidently. “Here, each of us gets a magical butt tattoo to signify our special talents.” He was met with silence. “We’ll start with me.”

Fel pressed out his flank for emphasis. Adorned on his rump was a single rose. The petals were black, the leaves were divided into seven elegant segments, and six additional stems growing from the base, each with a closed bulb at the end. The whole flower had an air of regality and strength with a peculiar hint of some unseen threat. Beneath the flower was a much larger shadow stretched out like a claw, threatening to encompass all in its grasp. “Fey-rose. Nice.” Fel nodded in approval.

“Seriously.” Isaac berated. “You got the Kadar imperial crest. What kind of talent is that?”

“Poor naïve bat boy.” Fel shook his head. “The fey-rose is more than a suitable crest for the empire. It is my first great weapon. A common native plant, improved upon for a higher cause. This simple flower was the final cord which ended a war, ensuring Kadar’s eternal dominance.” Fel threw himself onto his hind legs and held his forelegs out to either side in triumph. “It is the symbol of my INDOMINATABLE POWER!” though it was sunny, a bolt of lightning struck ominously in the distance. “Mwahahahaha!”

Fel’s arms began to spin vainly as he tried to maintain his balance. Inevitably, he fell on his back with a humiliating thump. “Ugh.” Fel groaned as a burst of pain seared though his back. When it faded, he looked up to see his body guard and doctor looking at him with pity and concern respectively. Like a reflex, he pulled his forelegs in, blushed, and made a sound like a squeaky toy.

“Did I just squeak?” Fel asked with newfound surprise.

“You sure did.” Isaac confirmed with a smirk.

“Whatever.” Fel grumbled as he pushed himself into a sit.

“How did you summon the lightning?” Noel asked.

Fel looked off in the direction of the flash.

**********

Elsewhere

“Darn it Derpy!”

“I just don’t know what went wrong.”

Meanwhile

**********

“No idea.” Fel said coyly. “Guess I just have excellent timing. What about you, Noel? What’s your special talent?”

The unicorn named Noel turned her flank to face the others. Her cutie mark was a glowing white blue which almost blended into the rest of her fur. It was a circle with three evenly spaced slices removed. The tips of the slices, which didn’t quite make it to the center, were connected by thin lines which formed a triangle at the center of the circle. Naturally, both Fel and Isaac were able to recognize it almost immediately.

“The symbol of your stasis pod?” Fel said inquisitively. “That’s not very creative.”

Noel took a moment to absorb the symbol, reflecting on what she saw as compared to her companions. “The simplest verbal translation of the symbol is ‘Noel’. When understood in proper context, it embodies all of my functions. It is all that I am and all that I am meant to be. If I may be so bold, assuming I understand what these marks mean, then this symbol is most appropriate.” Noel bowed humbly.

“Yeah, I guess.” Fel conceded. “And what about Mr. tiny wings?”

Isaac had finally managed to unstick himself from the tree and fell with an undignified thud. When the stars stopped spinning, Isaac looked up to see both Fel and Noel staring at him with looks of horror. He followed their gazes to his cutie mark. It was a fey-rose. But unlike Fel’s this was lacked the five of the additional bulb stems or a shadow. What it did have was a single flower and bulb stem, with the former held in the loving embrace between the blades of common pruning shears. Isaac looked back at his companions, and returned a villainous smile.

“Shut up!” Fel said with fuming indignation.

“I didn’t say anything.” Isaac replied, still smiling.

“You were thinking it.” Fel sneered, pressing his forehead against Isaac’s.

“Is that a fact?” Isaac pushed back.

Fel looked as though he wanted to say something, then turned in a huff. “Obviously whatever force put us in these bodies only had a passing knowledge of cutie marks and gave us a substandard job.”

“Obviously.” Isaac smirked. “You sure it’s safe to turn your back on me, little flower?”

“Firstly, never call me that again.” Fel said sternly. “Secondly, never call me that again. Thirdly, if you really were the shears to my flower, I’d have crushed you in your crib.”

“Yeah right.” Isaac rolled his eyes. “If you did that, you’d have no one to listen to your daily bitching.”

Fel looked at Noel’s expressionless face.

“No one who’d be willing to put you in your place, anyway.”

“Yeah.” Fel nodded in defeat. He held up his leg to Isaac. “Bro-hoof.”

Isaac mirrored the gesture, the pair bumped their skin coated hooves, and laughs were shared.

“Hold on a sec.” Isaac paused. “You said they only had a passing knowledge of what these marks are. Have you figured who’s responsible?”

Fel nodded lightly. “Maybe. Clearing my head, I can think of only one force powerful enough to do this to us. It was them.”

“Them?” Noel repeated with concern. “Does this mean your plans are compromised?” she asked with understandable anxiety.

Fel pondered the question. “Doubtful. If they knew, the consequences would be far more severe than a trip to the land of talking rainbow horses.”

“Then you know where we are?” Isaac asked.

“Probably.” Fel turned to face one of the trees. “Based on the texture of the land as well as our bodies, my money is on the kingdom of Equestria.” Fel turned back to his comrades with a more serious expression. “Aten-hut!” All three stood at attention.

“We’re in need of a sit-rep people.” Fel had shifted to his military voice. “We are in the realm of Equestia, a kingdom run by talking horses for talking horses. Threat level is low. Most undesirables keep a respectful distance from civilization. Weapons. Isaac.”

Isaac parted his legs and spread his black wings out as wide as he could, visibly straining his body a moment before giving up. “I got nothing. If they’re there, they ain’t coming out.”

“Noel.”

Noel casually turned to look at her naked body, then back to Fel. “I never had any weapons, my lord.”

“Naturally.” Fel confirmed.

Noel’s eyes widened. “My lord! Your sword. Your pistol and dagger. Those items are irreplaceable.” She said in a panic.

“Noel!” Fel barked.

The unicorn bowed her head in apology. “Could they have taken them?”

Fel surveyed his body. “Possible. Most likely they’re being held in a pocket dimension and will be returned to us once we leave.” Then Fel motioned towards Isaac’s wings. “Another possibility is that these items were deemed part of our natural forms. They’ve likely been grafted on as skin and will reconstitute once we change back. Regardless, we do not have them now and know of no immediate means or reacquiring them. Just focus on the here and now.”

“What about the key?” Noel added.

Fel froze. “Other items.” He said in his military voice. Fel pressed his left front hoof against his chest and began rubbing it in circles. “Hmm. That one’s definitely still there.” Fel then bucked in the air, waving his legs as much as he could before returning to the ground. “And it doesn’t appear to be rupturing any organs.”

Noel cringed.

Fel then extended his left front hoof to the side of his body and strained himself as Isaac had done. “It ain’t moving though. I don’t have any pockets so it should go without saying I’m left wanting for medicine.” Fel turned to Isaac. “You never had anything worth losing.”

“Course I do.” Isaac countered. “I just don’t bring my precious things on expeditions through hostile territory like a dumb-flank.” Isaac paused in realization at what he’d just said. “Dumb-flank,” he repeated. “Dumb-flank. Aaaaaa” he strained to force his mouth to make the desired sounds “aaa-flank. Plot hole.”

“Mother bucker,” Fel added.

Isaac tilted his head in confusion. “What the hey!?” he pressed his hoof against his throat, but couldn’t detect any abnormalities in his alien anatomy.

“It appears we’re experiencing full K-PAX.”

“K-PAX, my lord?” Noel inquired.

“K-PAX is a rare phenomenon of interdimensional travel,” Fel explained. “Based on the universe of the same name, K-PAX states that when a life form travels to new worlds, the traveler may sometimes take on the form of one of the local creatures, as opposed to its own form, simply because it is a more efficient way to be. It’s like how explosive decompression is more efficient than being intact when exposed to the vacuum of space. Typically it only happens when traveling to a world substantially different from your own. It seems that the universe has decided that talking candy colored horses is significantly different from giant sociopathic vorephiles. Go figure.”

“I think I remember that theory,” Isaac nodded. “But what about the censorship? It’s bucking annoying.”

“No argument,” Fel sighed. “Unfortunately this is also part of the K-PAX. In some extreme cases, the traveler’s mind might experience limited alteration to think like that of the native life forms.”

“You seem really calm about this,” Isaac said as he eyed Fel carefully. “I’d have thought you’d be the first to, ya know, fly off the handle at having his mind messed with.”

“Normally you’d be right,” Fel smiled. “However, I’m currently reciting three separate meditation mantras in my head simultaneously. I’m also rationalizing to myself that there’s no conscious force controlling me, so there’s really nothing for me to focus my terribly terrible rage on. But you can be sure that the instant I do find a focus, I am going to relieve all my stress upside its head.” Fel concluded with a light snarl as he envisioned exactly how that would play out. “Regardless, back to taking inventory. Noel?”

“I still have no pockets.” Noel confirmed.

“Splendid.” Fel nodded. “Powers.”

Isaac turned away from the group and faced a tree. He inhaled as deeply as he could and let out his mightiest roar. A startled bird flew away. He then looked back towards the others in shame. “Buck.” He muttered. “May as well be mute if I can’t even pull a decent echolocate.”

All eyes then fell on Noel. She paused to close her eyes and search within herself. “Unicorn magic is channeled through the horns, yes?”

“That’s an affirmative.” Fel said.

Noel’s horn began to glow and three large lights appeared around her. The lights grew until they were the size of ponies and took the shape of solid spheres of white blue light. The spheres slowly spun around her as she focused. The spheres folded into themselves until they became cubes, triangular pyramids, cones and a variety of other shapes.

Noel then turned her attention to a nearby tree. She flattened the shapes into disks and flung them like buzz saws into the tree, slicing it into three segments. Before the segments could fall, the disks wrapped themselves around the segments and held them in place. The disks carried the segments back into their original spots. Gradually the disks vanished, melting into the tree and healing all wounds.

Noel nearly collapsed to the ground as sweat dripped from her mane. “My powers appear to have dulled considerably, but otherwise remain intact.”

Fel nodded. “Now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for.” He grinned as he crouched slightly. A moment passed and the smile slowly faded into a frown. “No.” He muttered. “I can’t… I can’t move.”

“What do you mean, my lord?” Noel asked with concern. “What can’t you move?”

Fel looked at her with heavy breathing and panicked eyes. “I’m stuck. I can’t move.”

Noel and Isaac’s eyes widened in realization.

Fel held a quivering hoof in front of his face. “I can’t move. I can’t stretch even a centimeter. Darn it. I’m gonna cramp like crazy if I can’t stretch soon.”

A stinging pain spread over Fel’s face. He looked up to see Isaac retracting his hoof from the punch. The pair glared at one another as Fel calmed himself. “Focus.” Isaac ordered.

Fel took another breath and closed his eyes. “Focus. Right.” Fel exhaled. “My powers are more physical than mystical, so it’s only logical that they wouldn’t be affected by unicorn magic.” He assured himself.

“Um, Fel.” Isaac hesitated, then gently placed his hoof across Fel’s smooth forehead.

All emotion lifted from Fel’s face as he slammed his head into the ground. “You two get physical mobility and world altering powers, and I’m stuck with being a filthy earth pony, fit only to till dirt and smash rocks. On top of everything else, I have been made less than. I am definitely going to kill someone for this.”

“Come on then fearless leader.” Fel looked up to see Isaac had extended a hoof. “What’s our next move?”

Fel nodded. “Right. Recognize our limitations and make due.” He said more for himself than the others. “First thing is to find civilization to get our bearings. From there we head north. There’s a neighboring empire which holds a portal. It only goes one way, but we might be able rig it.”

“How are we going to rig it without tools or your powers?” Isaac asked.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“For that matter, why do we need to find civilization first? Why can’t we just start heading north?” Isaac pointed out. “It’s not like we’re any strangers to walking. Well, at least not you guys.”

“Because, at best, it’s about a day’s journey by railroad which runs through all major settlements.” Fel said dryly.

“That is a good reason.” Isaac nodded. “So how do we find a settlement anyway?”

Fel closed his eyes. “My illusions don’t work and I can’t stretch. About all I have left is my telepathy.” He shifted his head as though trying to locate something. “I can’t hear specific thoughts. It’s more like a noise. And I can’t distinguish between different people’s noises. But… I can tell there’s quite a bit of noise to the west.” Fel said in triumph.

“We have a direction then, my lord.” Noel confirmed.

“And a backup plan or two.” Fel said proudly. “Now let’s get going so I don’t have to stay in this body any longer than necessary.”

And so the trio set off for their destination, unaware of the design that had been laid out for them.

Luminations and Lamentations

The grand library of the Crystal Empire was quiet. The sun had set and most ponies had already gone to bed. The forest of book shelves was lit with a series of candles. Occupants had been reduced to a librarian who was silently begging to close the shop, a small purple dragon carrying scrolls, and an alicorn princess who had completely lost track of time. Princess Twilight was so enthralled with the latest entry in the Daring Do series that she had forgotten that the library was not her house.

“Twilight!”

Spike’s intrusion shocked her out of her trance. “W-what?”

“It’s after dark.” Spike said matter-of-factly.

Twilight looked around and recognized her solitude. “Oh dear. I completely lost track of time.” She said with a panic, not realizing a candle had been blown out.

“I noticed.” Spike said with mild annoyance. “I arranged with the librarian to set up a spare room in the back. I’ll wait for you there.” The dutiful Spike informed, not knowing another two candles had been blown out.

“Right.” Twilight sighed, patting Spike on the head in gratitude. “I couldn’t ask for a better assistant.”

“No you couldn’t.” Spike said with pride, ignorant of the four candles that had just gone out. “My hands are full, so I’ll let you finish the chapter before coming to bed.” Then he walked off down the relatively lit corridor of shelves.

Grateful that all was well, Twilight eagerly dove back into her story. All things considered, this situation almost put her at ease. The quiet, the isolation, and the endless books all had a vague air of nostalgia. It was back in the old days when she’d lock herself in her room for hours on end and lose herself in her studies. She still did that from time to time, but thankfully her friends had shown her that life had so much more to offer.

It was when her personal candle had gone out that Twilight finally noticed something was wrong. Looking around, she saw that over half of all the candles were out. Many of the rows of books were completely dark. Then there was the echo of distant hoof steps. “Hello.” Twilight called out. “Is someone there?”

“Twilight.” A voice answered.

“Spike?” Twilight looked in the direction her dragon had gone. It had darkened considerably. Two more rows had gone black. And the hoof steps were coming from behind her.

Not remotely comfortable with this situation, Twilight relit her candle and proceeded with a steady trot towards Spike with her books. As she moved past the glass shelves, the lights from behind went out. “Spike!” She called out to no avail. Every other step saw the extinguishing of a candle. It was as though the darkness was pursuing her. The hoof steps were definitely closer now. Twilight quickened her pace, but the darkness seemed to be one step ahead. The row directly in front of her went black, forcing Twilight to quickly veer right.

“Spike!” Twilight yelled in desperation while running as quickly as she could. Corridor after corridor was pitch black. Eventually the row directly in front of her also went dark, forcing her to veer left. Something was definitely after her.

Twilight ran and ran, so panicked that she failed to notiece the large shelf directly in front of her. She slid and spread her wings to no avail. But instead of a crash, she passed right through as though it as though it weren’t even there. Twilight found herself in a large intersection. All other routes were dark, including where she had come from. The only light that remained was her personal candle and the hoof steps could not have been more than a few meters away. Whatever had pursued her, was now slowly circling. Twilight tried strengthening the candle with her magic, but it had no effect. And no matter how she moved the candle, the light remained fixed in place. She couldn’t get more than a minor glimpse of whatever it was.

“Who is it?” She asked. Her brow wrinkled as her eyes struggled to follow the shape in the darkness. “My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle and I demand to know who you are!” She stomped her hoof to the ground to emphasize her authority.

“Hmhm.” Whatever it was laughed in a feminine voice. Gradually a new light came into focus. It circled Twilight in the same place as the hoof steps. The green light had little more than a minor white glow. As it came into focus, Twilight realized that it was an eye with a green pupil.

Suddenly the steps stopped. Whatever it was faced Twilight with both eyes, which seemed to be conveying a warm smile. It took a step forward, revealing a crimson hoof. As it drew it’s body nearer, Twilight bore witness to her pursuer. The pony was as large as Princess Celestia. Her mane had the same magical flow as Luna and Celestia, but hers was pure black. Another step revealed her massive wings and impressive horn. Twilight’s pursuer was an alicorn. The only detail missing was a cutie mark.

“Tis an honor to meet you, Princess Twilight.” The alicorn bowed. “I trust your new position has been treating you well.” Her smile was vaguely comforting.

“It’s been fine.” Twilight said hesitantly. She would have taken a step back if she thought it would do any good. “And who exactly are you?”

The crimson alicorn’s smile faded slightly. “My name is unimportant.” She tried to assure. “What is important is the safety of your people.”

“What? What’s going to happen to the Crystal Empire?” Twilight demanded, lowering her head and lighting her horn in preparation for a fight.

“This place is the domain of Princess Cadence.” The crimson alicorn stated. “Who are your people, Princess Twilight?”

It didn’t take long for Twilight to answer. “What are you going to do to Ponyville?”

“I am giving you the means to save it.” The crimson alicorn assured.

Twilight’s horn went out, but her head remained low. “How?”

“Monsters are on the move. Monsters the likes of which your people should never see.” The crimson alicorn bowed her head in sorrow. “I wish I could save you from this. And I wish I could save him too. With sincerest apologies, the design cannot be defied once written. All that is left for us is to work within it and do the best we can.”

“Ok… that doesn’t make any sense. What’s this design? Who wrote it?” Twilight paused. “Who’s he? And what are these monsters?”

The crimson alicorn looked up until she was at eye level with Twilight. A silent stare followed, seemingly to tell Twilight that this was important. “The Elements of Harmony are your greatest means of defense, yes?”

Twilight nodded.

“A most curious name for a weapon.” The crimson alicorn turned to walk away, revealing her cutie mark. From the center, it was a flower comprised of six evenly spaced blue pedals. At the tips of each of the six pedals, was the center of another flower, each with six pedals, many of which seemed to overlap one another. All of this was encompassed within a black circle. Twilight recognized the shape from one of her geometry books. It was the Seed of Life.

As the crimson alicorn nearly moved out of sight, she turned to Twilight one last time. “When things seem their bleakest, shine your light upon he who is the most dreadful monster of them all. Only then will you know salvation.” And she vanished, leaving Twilight alone in the dark to contemplate what she had heard.

“Twilight!”

The sudden disturbance caused Twilight to jump, her head poking out from a pile of books. When the stars stopped spinning, she saw a candle wielding purple dragon with an exasperated expression. “Spike?”

“Who else?”

Twilight immediately glomped the young dragon and held him in a tight embrace. “Oh Spike, I tried calling. But this thing… it made all the lights go out… and.”

Spike cut her off. “That was the lights-out spell. The librarian casts it every night when she closes up.”

“But… I called out for you.” Twilight insisted.

“I know. I found you here passed out. That’s a nasty bump by the way.” Spike pointed at Twilights head.

Twilight rubbed the spot. “But… the crimson alicorn. She was…”

That’s when Spike picked up the books that had fallen from her bag. “Ah hem.” He coughed while pointing at the cover. There standing menacingly over Daring Do was a gray statue of an alicorn. She was the spitting image of the crimson one, except with a black circle for a cutie mark. The title read “Luminous: Guardian of Dark Corridors.”

“Sounds like you just had a bad dream.” Spike suggested. “I told you to stop reading horror stories before bed.”

“Uh… right.” Twilight nodded. “It was probably just a dream.”

“I’m going bed.” Spike said with a yawn.

“I’ll be there in a second.” Twilight called out. As she took a moment to reshelf the books she had knocked down, Twilight still felt unsettled. Celestia had told her to trust her feelings, and right now her feelings told her that Ponyville was in danger. Tomorrow, she was going to be on the first train back

Adjustments in Ponyville

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