An Average Teatime with the Princesses of Equestria

by CryHavoc21

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 1671

Teatime. It's a normal thing. Normal things happen. Yeah, sure, we'll go with that.

Princess Twilight invites Princesses Luna and Celestia over for tea, and they discuss various topics. It's all incredibly normal.

Yeah, right. Like that could ever happen in Equestria.

Published 2015-05-13 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-13 04:50:01 UTC

"Average" is Relative

"Tea, Princesses?"

"Of course, Twilight," responded Celestia, levitating a teacup towards herself. "Though you don't have to be so formal, you know. We're all princesses here."

"Oh, r-right. I keep forgetting." Twilight grinned sheepishly.

"Dost thou have any coffee?" asked Luna.

"Coffee? Of course, give me a minute," said Twilight, rising up from her seat at the low table in the kitchen and starting up the coffee maker.

“Thank you for having us at your new castle, Twilight,” said Celestia, gesturing to the retrofitted kitchen around them. “The Royal Corps of Engineers did a good job of renovating the place for habitability.”

“Oh, yes! They did quite a good job, thank you for lending them to me. Though I assume they are more used to building bridges and national monuments than renovating a house.”

“Tis your castle, Twilight,” responded Luna as Twilight set down the coffee. “It is a national landmark. It just so happens to be your abode as well.”

The three sat in silence for a while, sipping their drinks. Though Twilight had been a princess for almost a year now, she was still not totally comfortable around her fellow princesses. It made sense that she should treat them with respect, but how much? Should she still talk with them as the co-rulers of Equestria? Or were they her friends, like the rest of the Mane Six, as Pinkie had dubbed their group? Celestia had been her teacher for many years, and now suddenly, she just… wasn’t.

If anything, Twilight could say that she was better friends with Princess Luna. They both were more introverted than those around them, and Luna had never been the teacher that Twilight had looked up to (and still did look up to) for almost her entire natural life.

“So…” began Twilight, hoping to break the silence. She turned to the two mares across from her. “How goes things in Canterlot?”

“Oh, the same as usual,” replied Celestia.

“By that she means that the nobles are insufferable as usual,” cut in Luna. “Especially this newest petitioner, who continues to maintain that giving out even more money to the nobility will eventually help out the lower classes in Equestria.”

“Luna! That was rude. Even if Sir Redcoat is an insufferable twit sometimes. Most of the time.”

Luna scoffed. “I wish sometimes,” she began, “that we could simply fire the nobility as an employer fires workers. They are more trouble than they are worth.”

Twilight pondered for a moment. “But don’t they cover administration duties at the Castle?”

“Ostensibly, yes,” replied Celestia. “But the nobility is mostly there to rubber-stamp the actions of the real powers-that-be.”

“You?” asked Twilight.

“Well, yes, the two of us are the highest authority,” Celestia clarified. “But even we must delegate authority. Ponies would begin to complain if I lengthened my day simply to deal with paperwork.”

“Tis true,” said Luna. “She tried that once. The farmers were… understandably upset that their crops were catching fire.”

“And it is easier to pay for administration than to cover the damages from riots.”

“But that still doesn’t answer my question,” stated Twilight, having entered her full “research” mode, “if the nobility doesn’t have any real power and you two don’t deal with issues directly, as I figured was true, who does have the power?”

Luna grinned. “Why, those who can use it properly, of course! Those ponies that were democratically elected by their peers. The Equestrian Civil Service.”

“Them?” asked Twilight, incredulous. “I read about them. They have the real power?”

“Of course,” said Celestia. “They are the most qualified. Dotted Line is quite the trustworthy pony.”

“I met him once,” said Twilight. “He was asleep on a park bench clutching a dented thermos of tea.”

“And yet he has kept Equestria out of more trouble than the entirety of the nobility,” stated Luna. “But enough of politics, how goes your life, Twilight?”

“Oh, you know, the same-old-same-old. Trying to get used to this castle, and stocking up on books. I’m considering making this place the Ponyville Library, at least in part. Just because Golden Oaks is gone doesn’t mean ponies will stop reading.”

“That sounds wonderful, Twilight. Did you receive that shipment of books from my personal collection?” asked Celestia.

“No, not yet, why? Was it lost in transit?”

“Oh, no reason,” said Celestia dismissively. The princess always had a poker face of stone, one Twilight had never been able to see through. Luna might have, as she began grinning. Twilight dismissed it.

“How about you, Luna?” asked Celestia.

“How about what?” she replied.

“How have you been doing lately?” clarified Twilight, catching her mentor’s meaning.

“The same as you two. I have actually been practicing our martial skills with the Royal Guardsmen. They…” she paused, “have a long way to come to match the Royal Guard of a thousand years ago.”

“What do you mean?” asked Twilight.

“Equestria has not faced many threats over the years. The guardsmen have not had a reason to practice, so they are mostly for show. I intend to change that, if only so that I will have someone that matches my skill to practice.”

“That makes sense,” said Twilight. “Provided our neighbors do not get antsy about a military buildup.”

“True, but we are not increasing spending or the number of forces, only the quality. Tis almost a shame how little action they see.”

“That may be,” said Twilight, “but at least it is nice to not have to go to war. Ponies dying is... never preferable.” Twilight thought of her brother, Shining Armor. She suppressed a shudder at the thought of him being gone.

Luna sighed. “You are right, of course. I simply miss the challenge of war. Twilight, do you know how long it has been since I have seen an honest battle? Where I have been free to rend my foes in challenging combat? When the odds were against us and we still triumphed! Twelve hundred years!"

"It's a shame you missed the Cold Pony War with our northern neighbors,” said Celestia. “That war had some parts that were fun."

"Nay, I am glad I missed it. Too much to do with politics with this new-fangled 'atom-splitting' magics. Mutually assured destruction? Where's the fun in that?"

“So, that's why you train?” asked Twilight.

“That, and I simply wish to be doing something useful. I may co-run a government, but for those large threats, you and your friends do much of the work. Sombra? The changeling attacks? I simply wish to contribute the next time an eldritch monster from beneath the earth comes and attacks.”

Celestia piped up. “I have been feeling much the same way. Don't get me wrong, Twilight, I very much appreciate all the hard work you and your friends do. I still sometimes feel almost guilty that I am not able to help my little ponies even more in the times of most trouble.”

Before Twilight could respond, a rumble emanated through the castle. Their ceramic cups clinked slightly against their plates.

“Twilight, do you know what's going on?” asked Celestia.

“No, this doesn't normally happen,” she replied. The rumbling did not cease, but instead grew louder. Several screams from townsponies could be heard. “That sounded like it came from the marketplace. Come on, there could be trouble!”

/*********************/

The marketplace was full of ponies running about, screaming. The majority of ponies were fleeing the scene, or moving behind the three alicorns. From behind the mob, Twilight saw Applejack's apple cart hurled into the air by some unknown force, only to come crashing down into the roof of Lyra and Bon Bon's house.

A massive metal cone slowly rose up from the earth, accompanied by the clanking and roaring of a massive engine. It was threaded on the edges, and spinning rapidly. Behind the drill, for that was the only thing it could have been, was a structure covered in dirt and rubble. It fell over, its tip pointing directly at the three alicorns. It slowly stopped spinning as the townsponies continued to run away in fear. The alicorns simply stared.

A small platform on the top of the contraption began to rise up. A brown-coated figure could be seen sitting atop of it.

"BEHOLD! The Underminer!” it yelled, its voice being projected somehow. “I am always beneath you, but there is nothing beneath me! I hereby declare WAR on peace and harmony! Soon all will tremble before me!"

Twilight turned away from the machine to the two diarchs. "Celestia, Luna?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"I have some... book sorting to take care of," she said with a sly smile. "I don't suppose the two of you could do me a favor and take care of..." she waved a hoof at the Underminer, "this?"

The two royals looked at each other. Then, the both of them broke out into wide, eager grins. Celestia's horn glowed, and her body was momentarily encased in the golden radiance of the sun. A second later, and her entire body was covered in glowing, semi-transparent battle armor, elegantly carved from the sun's rays. A golden broadsword floated in front of her.

Luna's body flashed in a glow of a full moon, becoming covered in armor similar to her sister's, but in the deep bluish-purple of the night. Two silver rapiers floated to her sides, ready to cut into her foes.

The royals' smiles grew even wider. “With pleasure,” they responded together. A building jazz theme could be heard approaching its crescendo somewhere.

Author's Note

Dotted Line are The Underminer are both references to other works. The first person to guess one or both gets an internet cookie!

m2pt5 was the first to guess the second one correctly. The Underminer is from Disney's The Incredibles.

I mean you kind of already have internet cookies because that's how most web browsers work but I dunno, it's not like I have anything of value to give you people. Aside from words and stuff.