Batpony: The Clopfic, The Breakfast Cereal

Sunny the big silly batpony walked down the street with her nose in the air and her membranous wings fluttering haughtily. She did this whenever she travelled anywhere, since she was a naturally grumpy little horse with quite a short temper. Perhaps she did it to offset her small stature and slim frame, but from her body language and expression alone, it was all too easy to see that this was not the kind of bat to mess with.

Sunny was dressed in her usual get-up, a short black skirt that one might call a little too north of the knee, a rather baggy top emblazoned with the words "Bat out of Hell" and a pair of knee high black leather boots. She walked heavily enough that each footfall made a satisfying thud, the better to produce the illusion of indignation and grumpiness. Still, there was just enough allure to make her that special, tsundere, psychotic kind of sexy, the sort to give you the ride of your life before running off with your personal belongings.

Still, that's not to say that Sunny was a good little bat. Oh no. Sunny was perhaps the meanest bat ever!

"Hello Miss!" came a chirpy little voice, startling Sunny. She looked around at the source of the noise, scowling at the big happy Pegasus pony bounding towards her.

"Oh Luna, what the hell do you want?" Sunny seethed, looking the new arrival up and down with damning scrutiny.

“I was just travelling around collecting donations for the Canterlot Chorus! Have you heard of it?”

Sunny looked from his face down to the little donations bucket in his hand, raising an eyebrow. She was immediately suspicious of this well-meaning do-gooder, not least because the word “chorus” often brought with it horrible things like ponies breaking into song, holding hands and dancing around. She took a wary step back from him and shook her head worriedly.

“Erm...no...I haven’t, and I...don’t carry cash…” Sunny said hurriedly, silently cursing at the damning clink! sound that her pockets made as she retreated. The stallion advanced on her, holding his bucket up hopefully.

“Are you sure?” he crooned, coming a little closer. “Come on, everypony loves the chorus! We do singing and dancing and…”

I knew it… Sunny thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

“Look, buddy…” she began slowly, but the tone-deaf stallion had already put his bucket down and puffed out his chest, drawing a deep breath and starting to sing.

“Eeeeeeverypony looooooves...OOF!” he yelped, as Sunny socked him right in the belly. It was really more of a reflex response, a natural reaction to ponies who have a song in their heart, nothing between their ears and their well-meaning silliness within Sunny’s personal space. He doubled over in pain, gasping and choking as he struggled to get air back in his lungs.

“Yo...you’re...a bitch!” he wheezed, as Sunny scoffed at his pathetic display.

“No singing,” she growled, grabbing him by the mane and holding his head up so that he could look her in the eyes. “Seriously, if I catch you following me and trying to fill me with the joy of song or whatever, I’m gonna send you home with a broken nose. Got it, fuckstick?”

Tone Deaf nodded wordlessly, making no noise beyond the occasional whimper as he drew breath. When Sunny let go of his mane, he dropped to his knees, making no attempt to follow her as she stalked off.

* * *

Sunny hurried to put as much distance as possible between her and that do-gooder pony in case he decided to point her out to a nearby guard. As much as she loved meeting tall hunky stallions, she wasn’t in any hurry to spend a night in a prison cell for assaulting someone...even if he had totally deserved it. She ducked into a nearby alleyway that took her out into the marketplace, where it was far more crowded and easy for the little batpony to lose herself. At least there were plenty of other ponies for her to hide behind in case any guards did come a-calling. All the same, it was better to stay out of sight any way she could.

As Sunny darted down between the kiosks and stalls, she kept her eyes open for any sign of approaching angry guards. Sure enough, after only a few moments she caught sight of a couple of ponies in shining gold armour, being directed towards her by that poor little would-be singer.

“Oh, fuck...fuck fuck fuck fuck…” Sunny muttered under her breath, glancing around in search of some escape route or other.

At first glance, it seemed as if there was no way to run. She was well and truly in the middle of the marketplace, with nothing but market stalls in every direction. As crowded as it was here, there was no way for her to get out of this without exposing herself to those guards. Surely they had a good description of her by now, at least assuming that that asshole had gotten his breath back by now.

She was roused from her moment of worry when a mare bumped right into her, brushing her big white feathery wing over her body as she passed. Sunny scrunched her snout, letting out an irritating chitter as she looked around at her would-be aggressor.

“Hey, watch where the fuck you’re going, dumbass!” she spat as the pegasus kept on walking, glancing over her shoulder for just a moment to give her a semi-apologetic smile. Her red mane was just a little longer than Sunny’s, one of her wings all wrapped up in bandages, and she was dressed for far colder weather than this, with a big cloak and lots of pockets to...keep...things...in…

“Hey, where the fuck is my coinpurse?” Sunny muttered, hand drifting instinctively to where it had hung not two minutes ago. Her eyes drifted down to her belt, then up to the crippled pegasus, and she spread her own leathery wings as she hurried after her.

“HEY, COME BACK HERE YOU THIEVING FUCK-NUGGET!” she shouted over the hubbub of the crowd, pushing ponies aside as she followed the sneaky little mare. The red-headed pegasus ignored her, weaving in and out of the crowd and occasionally glancing over her shoulder to see if Sunny was still in pursuit.

As the pegasus rounded a corner onto a comparatively clear straightaway, she picked up speed, beating her damaged wings as if she was trying to take off. Sunny beat her own, actually lifting off into the air as she charged after the little thief. With a furious scree, she caught the pegasus by her cloak and yanked her back, sending her tumbling onto her back with a yelp.

“You’re not going anywhere, slut! Give me back my money right now, or I’ll break the other wing!” Sunny seethed, clambering onto the mare’s belly and kneeling on top of her to stop her from getting away.

“Don’t hurt me!” the pony squeaked back, holding her arms up over her face. “I’m just a poor disabled pony with a tragic backstory!”

“You’re gonna end up with a tragic-looking face in a minute, bitch!” Sunny snarled, grabbing the pegasus’s forearms and trying to force them away from her face so that she could give her a nice clean sock on the muzzle. From the front, it was far easier to see what this pegasus looked like, with her slim frame similar to Sunny’s, a black shirt with matching cargo pants and heavy boots. She was stronger than she looked, grabbing onto Sunny’s forearms in turn and spreading them right out so that they could look into each others’ eyes.

“Awww, you wouldn’t hurt me, would you?” she asked softly, fluttering her eyelashes and pouting at the irate batpony. “Tell you what, if you let me go and don’t hurt me, I’ll give you something super special and help you hide from the guards!”

Sunny’s eyes widened.

“How did you know I was running from…?” she began.

“Don’t think I didn’t see you peeking around at those guardponies. I like the one with the muzzle stripe, myself...she can arrest me any day,” the pony said smoothly, grinning just a little.

“So what, are you trying to tell me you grant wishes or some shit? Like that one story with the fish?” Sunny asked, glaring down at the pegasus bemusedly.

“More like My Mare Lady, to be honest,” the pegasus said with a shrug. “You’d better make a decision quickly, batty butt. Those guards are probably getting awful close right about now, and I’d hate for them to catch you like this.”

Sunny spared a glance up at where she last saw the guards. Sure enough, they were getting closer, picking up the pace as if they somehow knew that they were close to their target.

“Damn it...fine...but if you’re screwing me, I’m gonna mount your head on a fucking pike, got it?” Sunny conceded, looking down at the white mare again.

“Done,” she replied, slipping out from underneath her as Sunny relinquished her grip. “Oh, and it’s ‘Sky’ to you, sweetie.”

“Don’t you dare call me sweetie!” snarled Sunny. She started after Sky, only to pause as she watched the pegasus sprint away with her cloak flying out behind her. “Damn it, did you trick me? You fucking tricked me! HEY! COME BACK HERE, ASSHOLE!”

She broke into a mad dash after Sky, ignoring the shouts of the guards behind her as she charged after the cackling pegasus. She barely registered her own exhaustion as that pony gained ground on her, darting off into a purple and gold pavilion on the edge of the marketplace.

Oh, you just ran right into a dead end, bitch… Sunny thought to herself, grinning wickedly as she followed suit. It didn’t matter too much that she was probably going to make herself a sitting duck for those guards. She could probably trade the thief for her freedom or something, and she had no reservations whatsoever about violently subduing that redheaded little slut herself if necessary.

When she ran into the tent, Sunny found herself in a very unusual pavilion indeed. While the heavy purple material was the same as it had been outside, the inside of this tent was far larger than its exterior had led her to believe. The pavilion was about the size of a small building, and at the far side of it, past the mainmast-sized tentpole, sat a pony scribbling at a desk. There was no sign of the pegasus, and no indication that she’d slipped out another way.

Sunny hesitated for just a moment before stepping forward, taking a look around the tent in search of that thief. There was all sorts of paraphernalia hanging from the ceiling, small colourful vials with equally colourful solutions inside, dream catchers and sacks of gold. The pony at the desk remained silent and impassive as Sunny approached, seemingly ignoring her and focussing instead on her work. She was far older than Sunny or Sky, with a hunched back and half-moon spectacles balanced on her muzzle, and she wore a long black dress with all manner of golden adornments. She sat in front of a rather large chest that looked large enough for that pegasus to fit herself in if she squeezed.

Sunny approached it, cracking her knuckles. She spotted a strip of black cloth hanging out of the chest, and licked her lips with feral glee. She was going to make this pegasus pay, and with any luck break her stupid damn nose before the guards turned up to arrest both of them.

“I wouldn’t go near there if I were you,” the old pony said quietly, as Sunny drew near.

“What the fuck do you want?” Sunny snapped at her, tufted ears pinned back against her head. “I’ll go wherever the fuck I want, especially if you’re trying to hide bitchy fucking pegasi from me!”

“You’re a very angry pony, aren’t you?” the old mare croaked, still not looking up from her paperwork. “You could do with someone teaching you some manners.”

“Bite me, slutnugget,” Sunny seethed. “You think you’re gonna hide that pony from me, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“I’m not going to get in your way, of course,” the pony whispered. “I just gave you a friendly recommendation. By all means, feel free to open the box if it’ll make you feel better about yourself, but you may regret it!”

“I said bite me,” Sunny snarled, throwing the chest open at the exact moment that a guard burst into the tent.

“Hey, stop right there!” the guard shouted, narrowing her eyes and raising a repeater crossbow. “You’re under arrest for assault, and…”

Whatever the guard was about to add, Sunny didn’t hear it. In the moment she opened the chest, she realised that she’d just made a horrible mistake. Certainly, there was Sky’s cloak, flapping like a flag in the breeze...in a swirling vortex made of pure emerald energy that seemed to reach deep into the ether. As she tried to run, the chest sprouted two large wooden arms, wrapping its bone-like fingers around her and lifting her up over the portal.

“OH LUNA NO!” she screeched, flapping her wings helplessly as the room filled with deep otherworldy laughter. As it dropped her into the abyss, she flapped her wings even harder, but it was no use. It felt as if she was fighting a force stronger than gravity, and there was nothing she could do to resist it. As she sank lower into the chest, she grabbed onto the edge and held on with all of her might, still flapping her wings uselessly. With a final shriek, her fingers slipped from the edge and she fell away into nothingness.

The chest snapped shut with a certain dark finality, the laughter dying away and leaving the guard alone with the old mare.

“Um...well, I dunno what’s more disturbing…” said the guard, pulling her helmet off and letting her blonde mane spill down her back, “the fact that that just happened or the idea that someone might be getting off to it.”

“You seem concerned, little pony,” the mare whispered. “What’s your name?”

“My name’s Daybreak, ma’am, and I think that ‘concerned’ is a little bit of an understatement, considering that I just saw a pony eaten by a box…” she said weakly. Without her helmet obscuring her face, her brown coat and cute little white muzzle stripe were on full display. She scratched herself just behind the ears, still trying to process what she just saw.

“You’re a guard, yes?” the mare asked, standing up and hobbling over to the big brown guardpony.

Daybreak nodded. “I’m...yeah, I’m a guard. Are you going to have that thing eat me, too?” she asked nervously.

“That depends,” said the old pony, grinning dangerously. “Tell me, Daybreak, do you want to be part of a very unique learning experience for that rude little batpony?”

Daybreak stared at the chest, unable to take her big yellow eyes off of it.

“I’m listening,” she said.

“Good,” said the mare. “Then I want you to listen carefully. I have a special task for you, Miss Daybreak…”