Chapters dy/dx = 1xy, f(1) = 3 The Chapter in Which Cadance is Classic Cadance. Oh Cadance, You Card! Spike (the Dragon) is Actually a Lot More Contemplative (and Other Assorted Fairly Positive Verbs) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected From this proposition it will follow, when arithmetic addition has been defined, that 1+1=2 Why is it that when you hover over people's names on the "Popular Stories" tab, it always projects their profiles out of the window? Wow, I Haven't Posted a Chapter In a While Things Happen in This One, I Promise, Also, I Feel like Some People are Far Too Partisan in Our Society At This Point, I'm Just Adding Chapters to Make Titles That I find Funny f(x) = exp(x) - x, (f^(-1))(x) = ? The Chapter in Which a Great Many Things Happen This Chapter May or May Not Come Out A Relatively Short Time After the Last Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
“I’m just not getting it! Spike, do you know how frustrating this is?” Twilight asked with a hair out of place.
Spike moaned, rolling his eyes. “Is it any more frustrating than listening to someone repeat ‘Spike, do you know how frustrating this is?’ thirty-six consecutive times?”
Twilight crooked her head in confusion. “Well, I guess it depends how often it’s repeated.”
“How long have we been here?”
“Uhm, I don’t know, about three hours.”
“Then about once every five minutes.”
Twilight rolled her eyes back at Spike in realization. “Wow, Spike, you’re really good at math. It’s a shame you’re not using your skills to help.”
“...Touche.”
Twilight sighed. “I just wish I had someone here that was better at this than me….”
“Twilight, I think you’re stressing out over this way too much. I mean, just take a break.”
“But, if I take a break, then I’ll have to come back to it and figure out where I left off! That just wastes time.”
Spike shrugged. “Ask Starlight or something.”
“I can’t ask Starlight!”
“Why?”
“Because... Spike, she’s the student. I have the keep the dynamic.”
“What? Dynamic? You mean the ‘student-teacher’ dynamic? Why?”
“Well… uh…. It’s just… something that is.”
“Twilight, can you describe this dynamic?”
Twilight snorted. “Well, I would think from the name it’s pretty self evident.”
“Please, humor me.”
“Ah, well, it’s… hard to put a hoof on, you see. You need to… look at many examples, before you can understand it….” Twilight meandered. “I mean, well, I teach, and she learns.”
“So teachers can’t learn from students?”
“No… I mean…. Yes? No, they can learn from students. That’s what I mean.”
“...Right. So then this is just about you not wanting Starlight to know more than you, isn’t it?”
Twilight grimaced in disgust. “No! That would be shallow! And, Spike, I’m the opposite of shallow.”
“You mean deep?”
Twilight smiled condescendingly and looked away.
“I’ll go get Starlight.”
“No, don’t!”
“Twilight, do you want help on this problem or not? After all, you could just say this is a ‘very simple test’ and pretend you told her to study for it. It’s not like she’s listening to you at dinner.”
“I gue—wait, no, that’s not why I don’t want her here!”
“Then what is the reason?”
“Th—the dynamic! The one with the teacher and the student!”
“I’ll go get her. I’d use the ‘test’ plan.”
Twilight made strange noises as Spike walked away.
Spike opened the door to Starlight’s room.
Starlight was sitting on her bed with a distinctly lewd book hovering in front of her, mouth agape. Her eye’s opened wide and she quickly tried hiding it beneath the disarrayed covers. “Ah S-Spike, I didn’t expect you to come barging into my room unannounced! What a surprise!” Starlight said with a pained smile.
“Uh, yeah, whatever,” Spike said dismissively. “Twilight needs you in the library, by the back.”
“Y-yeah, of course, just, uhm, one moment.”
“Okay. I’ll just wait.”
Starlight trotted out of the room a moment later. “Uh-uh, Spike, don’t look under my bed, by the—” realizing what she was doing, Starlight tried stopping herself. “J-just kidding! You can look under my bed any time you want… But don’t! I mean, uhm, my… diary is there,” she said with a profuse blush.
“Is that where you keep your stallion magazine too?”
“NO! ” she shrieked. “I don’t keep those there! I-I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Please, somepony, kill me .
“Starlight, I’m thirteen, I think I’d know by now what mares do in their spare time.”
“But I don’t do that!”
“As you wish, Ms. Sparkle.”
Starlight stopped her trot, trying to figure out what he meant. She shuddered at the possibilities.
The two reached to library a short time later, and found Twilight waiting patiently, smiling ominously.
“Starlight, Spike! I’m glad you could make it.”
“Well, it’s not like I was doing anything else!” Starlight said frantically.
“...Right. Starlight, here’s the test I told you about at dinner. It’s just a simple test, as you can see.”
Starlight started panicking. “O-oh, test? Yes! Of course. I uh…. Right.”
Twilight turned toward the board. “As you can see, this is a very important problem in friendship that models… uh….”
Starlight looked at the problem with wide eyes and turned back to Spike—who was possibly enjoying this a bit too much—and mouthed “HELP ME”.
Spike rolled his eyes and mouthed “FINE”.
“...What it models isn’t important, of course! We’ll learn that at a later date!”
“Twilight, don’t you think this is a bit much? You never told her to study for that type of problem.”
“Well… this is an honors course, and she should be able to figure it out! Right, Starlight?”
“Come on, Twilight, that’s a bit mean spirited.”
Twilight bit her lip, her eyes conveying a frown. After a few moments of contemplation, she gave. “Okay, okay, Starlight. You can go. I’m sorry.”
“I-it’s okay!”
“But, uh, make sure you’ve studied for this type of problem for next time!”
“Right. Will do.”
Some time passed before Twilight complained again.
“Ugh, Spike, I still don’t don’t know how to do this problem.”
“You could ask Cadance when she comes over.”
Spike and Twilight both shared a hearty laugh.
“Why do I have the strange feeling that someone is insulting my mathematics skills?” Cadence put a hoof under her chin.
Shining armor laughed.
“What?” Cadance asked.
“...Uh, well, I’m sure it’s nothing.”
The couple finally arrived in Ponyville, greeting Twilight gleefully at the station. “Cadance! It’s so nice to see you!” Twilight exclaimed. “And Shining, you too!” She took turns hugging them both.
“You too, Twilight,” they both answered.
Twilight and the couple wandered back to the castle, making sure to take in all the sights and sounds of Ponyville.
“I’ve been cooped up in my castle working on this crazy differential equation. I just don’t know how to solve it!” Twilight said, expecting a dismissive response.
“Oh? I could have a go at it,” Cadance said, intrigued.
Twilight and Shining Armor both laughed.
“What?”
Twilight laughed again. Shining Armor, noticing his wife’s sincerity, stopped.
“What’s so funny?”
“Uhm…. nothing…” Twilight wandered.
“No, I think I understand.”
“I uh….”
“You think that I can’t do math.”
“I—I never said that! You have me all wrong!”
“You’re thinking it.”
“Well….”
“Well, you’re not really the math type, in Twilight’s defense…” Spike chimed in. Twilight nodded.
“It’s the coat, isn’t it? I get it, pink isn’t a math color.”
“No, it’s more… the Princess of Love thing,” Spike helpfully answered.
Twilight hesitantly nodded, looking away.
“Okay.... But, I would like to point out that, first of all, I’m the Princess of the Crystal Heart.” Twilight was about to say something, before Cadance continued. “Second, I’m not exactly sure how the Princess of Friendship is any more suited.”
“Well, the Princess of the Crystal Heart is basically the Princess of Love, let’s be honest. Also, Twilight is practically the Princess of Magic,” Spike helpfully replied.
“Spike!” Twilight interjected.
“Well,” Cadance continued, “Just because I’m the ‘Princess of Love’ doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy math.”
“I mean….” Twilight trailed off.
“You mean what?”
“Nothing. Nothing. You like math, that’s fine.”
“Thank you, Twilight.”
“You’re still not very good at it…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing! Just talking to myself.”
The three finally made it back to castle, and Twilight showed Cadance and Shining to their room.
“So, Twilight, where’s that problem you were talking about?”
“Oh, uh, don’t worry about it.”
“No, no, please, I want to see it.”
“Well… I… solved it. Already, in my head. It was just some variable switching or something.”
Cadance rolled her eyes. “Well, I still want to see if I can do it.”
Twilight cringed, holding a hoof up in retort. “Well….”
“Just show me the problem.”
“Please, don’t embarrass yourself, Cadance.”
“What?!”
“Cadance, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not good at math.”
“I… can do math just fine!”
“Cadance, you never even studied math. Seriously.”
Cadance looked back at Shining Armor with a pleading expression, but he simply looked away. “Just show me the problem.”
Twilight sighed. “Okay, Cadance.”
The two stood in front of the chalkboard, Twilight being embarrassed for Cadance.
The pink mare stood in front of the problem, contemplation plain on her face.
“So…” Twilight smoothly said.
Cadance simply ignored her, staring deeply at the problem. Then she grabbed chalk and began writing.
“I don’t understand what’s going on at all,” Spike added helpfully.
Lines and lines appeared beneath her chalk, and finally, she circled her answer, a simple solution point.
Twilight checked the answer. And then she checked it again. And again. And again. And she checked it one more time just to be sure. Then she checked her check. And she checked the check of her check, and checked that too, but wasn’t confident so she checked—
“You can stop checking it!”
“But—what? How? This—when? Why? Where? Who?”
“Now you're just asking nothings.”
“But… this is—I—how—wha—”
“I’ll stop you right there,” Cadance said with a thoroughly satisfied smile. “Now you can’t call me an airhead.”
“I-I never called you an airhead!”
“Really?”
Twilight’s eyes darted around the room.
“Twilight.”
“No, not really….”
“Well, take it back.”
“I take it back….”
“Well, now that that’s solved, let’s go get some lunch.”
“But… but I have so many questions! Like… what—I mean, how—where—whe—”
“Ah ah! Twilight, breathe.”
“Y-you’re right. I just… when did you learn to solve differential equations?!”
Cadance blushed, looking wistfully off into the distance. “...Ah, that’s a long story. I don’t want to get into it.”
“What are you looking at?” Spike asked.
“Wistfully off into the distance,” Cadance replied.
“But… Cadance! I have to know! How did you know how to solve that?”
“Well first I used polynomial long div—”
“You know what I mean!”
“Well… like I said, it’s a long story and I’m not too fond of telling it.”
“Cadance… Please? For me? I mean, you didn’t murder anypony or something, right?”
Cadance’s eyes splayed in horror. “How did you know?! ”
Twilight stepped back. “What?!”
“I’m just kidding, Twilight.”
“Well it’s kind of hard to tell now!”
“Hey, guys, I’m going to do something else for a while. See ya’,” Spike said as he sauntered off.
“Well… I… did some things that I’m not too proud of.”
“Like… dark magic?”
“No?” Cadance looked at her with befuddlement.
“...I was just asking…” Twilight shrugged.
“What made you think that I had to use dark magic to be good at math?”
“...I didn’t say that. That was never said.”
“Well... if I tell you, Twilight, you have to promise to never tell anypony ever . I mean, you can still tell them that I’m good at math, but leave out the back story. I don’t want them to know. Plus it might be amusing.”
“I promise. My lips are sealed.”
Cadance sighed. “Hm… where to start?”
“From the beginning?”
“Okay. In the beginning, there was nothing. Then, in an fraction of a fraction of a fraction of second, everything you see around you was created in an expansion so intense and so forceful the very laws—”
“Too early.”
“You’re right. Okay,” She cleared her throat. “Call me Ishmael.”
“Ishmael?”
“Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little—” she stopped herself. “Oh, sorry wrong story.”
“In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. ‘Whenever you feel like criticizing any—’”
“Cadance .”
“I’m sorry, I got confused.”
“How did you get the Big Bang mixed up with Pony Dick with The Great Gelding with your own life?”
“They’re all pretty similar, in my defense.”
“You never even had a father !”
“That hurt.”
“I’m sorry. But, just tell the real story. Please?”
“Fine. ”
“Oh, hey Starlight—”
“FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE, SPIKE, JUST FLIPPING KNOCK!” Starlight screamed, scrambling to cover her periodical.
“Oh, you’re getting all soft with the language? Besides, Starlight, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“What does that even mean?!”
“Oh….”
“Scratch that, I don’t want to know!”
“Well, anyway, I was seeing if you wanted to go get some ice cream.”
“Ah—I—uh…” Starlight said, shaking her head, “I guess so.”
Author's Note
Yes. It's here. The excruciating wait is over. For me, obviously, no one else knew this existed.
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
The Chapter in Which Cadance is Classic Cadance. Oh Cadance, You Card!
Okay, here I am. Okay, so, it started, really , when I was a small filly. You know how I came from a small little farming village and the thing with Prisma and stuff, you’ve heard that before. Okay, so, I moved to Canterlot when I was about seven, you know. I was always shy at first, and I even though I really wanted the toys the other fillies had I never wanted to impose on Auntie or anypony. And so I mostly kept my mouth shut until one day I got a pretty doll for a present. Auntie saw how much I enjoyed it so she got me more. My earth pony parents never really had the money to buy me anything, so they would always tell me that wanting things was bad. Which, you know, I wish that Auntie Celestia had made me stick to. Anyway, after a while the feeling that I was being too greedy wore off. And so I became a lot less humble and, I’m kinda embarrassed to admit it, shallow. I never really cared about school and instead just wanted to have fun. I think Auntie Celly never really noticed or she just thought that it was good that I was beginning to accept Canterlot. I really do wish that I would have just stuck with what my earth pony parents taught me, and like what you did, Twilight.
Anyway, so in the fifth grade we had a bunch of placement tests, you know, for the unicorn school. No, wait, I don’t think I’m there yet.
Okay, so, in the second grade, we had were starting stuff like multiplication at the end of the year. There was a little test that was supposed to see how much we knew. I saw the test and of course I was confused, you know. When I asked the teachers about it afterward, they told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that I would learn it with the rest of the class.
Really, Cadance, you’re going to blame it on the school system? If I had a bit for every time I’ve heard that, I’d be a millionaire.
Hey! I never claimed there was some deep reason behind it! And for your information, if I had a bit every time I heard that “if I had a bit” thing, I’d have even more money!
Whatever.
Well, interruptions aside…. Okay, where was I…? Right! So, after that, honestly, I kinda just stopped caring about anything but pleasing Auntie as far as grades went. I wasn’t an exemplary student or anything, I mean, I got good grades, but that’s honestly where it stopped. I didn’t try to do anything more because I always thought it was pointless. Which, yeah, I know is dumb now, but… I don’t know. I just wish that I had started sooner….
Cadance, it’s not that unrealistic. You’re a princess! You don’t have to be super good at everything. You’re already smart as is.
I guess, but…. I don’t know. It’s just frustrating to think about how everyone had all these advantages in the competitions from stuff that I couldn’t control… Whatever. I shouldn’t think about it, it just makes me more frustrated than I should be. Okay, so, I guess it really started to turn around in the fifth grade. In the fifth grade, we had a seating arrangement, of course, but we would change it up every moon or so. And so two moons into the year, the seating chart was changed so that there was an open seat right next to me. So one day, Ms. Jeer announced that we’d have a new student. He was from the same school, but he was going up a grade.
I remember him nervously standing in front of the class, saying his name with a kinda jittery voice: “Starlight Shine.” He had a greyish coat with a straight, black main; there were speckles of white in it, and I guess that’s where he got his name.Come to think of it, where did Starlight Glimmer get her name?
I… that’s a good question. But that’s getting off topic. Come on, Twilight, I’m on a roll here.Sorry .
It’s okay. So, okay, when he sat down beside me, I glanced over at him at few times. He could only focus on the teacher. I would look back over at him every few minutes to see what he was doing, but he never looked away from the front of the class. His leg had this nervous twitch and it was obvious he was scared.
But honestly there wasn’t anything notable about him. He was just a smart colt that managed to skip a grade.
How did he do it in the middle of the year?
He told me that his parents insisted on him taking a placement test, and so he was able to skip up. At least that’s what I heard. I’m not entirely sure though, probably some bad magic at work there honestly.
Anyway, yeah, there wasn’t really anything else about him that stood out a lot. He was quiet, and never really said anything too profound. He was a pony that everyone knew about, but that nopony really knew about, you know? I mean, like, yeah… nopony asked him where he was from, or what his hobbies were. He didn’t really have any friends. I wasn’t one of those nonexistent friends, well, not for a while.
But the fact that he skipped a grade was really shocking to me. I mean, I had heard that was possible, but I thought those ponies were ponies that were super smart and weren’t anyone I’d ever meet. I always knew Canterlot was high society, but that made it even more impressive that he was able to skip. I was kinda infatuated with the idea, for a while, and I was pretty jealous that he was able to do it. But… whatever, I don’t know. Eventually, I got desensitized to the idea. I just, like, I don’t know, accepted that there were ponies that were way smarter than me.
And yeah, that just how it was for, like, a year and a half. I never really tried, or cared about trying, and I just kinda, like, I don’t know… gave up. I accepted that I’d never be good at school, and that was okay. I mean, it’s not like it really matters for me . I’m a princess, and I told myself that.
So, yeah, I guess my mindset started changing in sixth grade. There was this really smart girl who joined my class at the beginning of the year. She didn’t skip any grades or anything, but it seemed like she was just naturally gifted at everything she did. And she was popular. Now, me, being the shallow young mare I was, I wanted it too. She seemed to get along with everyone, and she was never made fun of or talked about behind her back.
See, I was always popular for the sole reason that I was a princess. I wasn’t popular in that I had a lot of friends or that I hung out with a lot of people, it was an “untouchable” kind of popularity. Ponies watched me from afar, knowing that I was in cahoots with Princess Celestia. I had friends, but they weren’t so much friends as they were… loiterers, I guess. They just flocked to me because I was royalty, and they came from wealthy backgrounds. Star Beam, Dazzle, and Knives Chau.
Knives Chau?
Joking. Her name was Kuiper Belt. But they were from the upper crust. Our reasons for hanging out with each other were basically mutually shallow. I was always a social outcast in that sense, never really understanding where I fit in. Being the only alicorn at a school is pretty awkward, as you can imagine.
So anyway I was really jealous. Here was this girl who was really smart, charismatic, and funny. I wasn’t any one of those, and it made me feel so inadequate.
Wait, what was her name?
Oh, sorry. It was Prism. Everyone liked her, and everyone feared me. It just did wonders with my ego. I mean the freudian ego.
I don’t think you’re using that right.
Oh. I don’t know. Whatever. So anyway, I walked up to her one day and I found myself talking to her. I had talked to her in the past about stuff, mostly light, but that time was different. The other times were just nothings; I might be interested in what she was doing or something, and ask her about it, and then she’d tell me. We were friendly but not much more. She knew I was interested in sciency stuff, but I think that she just assumed I was only into “pop” science. And that was basically it. We didn’t know eachother that well. So, anyway, that day I wanted to talk to her about something cool that I had learned the previous night.
“Oh, Prism,” I said. I remember saying with a whisper almost because I think that I didn’t really want to say it.
“Yes, Cadance?”
“Well, uhm, last night, I was reading about attractors and stuff about Chaos theory.”
“Really?” She was surprised.
“Do you know anything about that?” I was really awkward.
“Yeah, I took the proficiency test for it a few months ago.”
Why are you giving her a weird voice? She sounds like a stallion trying to be a mare. Or like… a mare trying to be a stallion trying to be a mare. I guess. It’s not right.
When did this become a performance? I thought you were just telling a story. Not to mention that you're telling it really weird.
I mean… should I be writing this down? It sounds like a manuscript. Like, a bad one, but a manuscript.
No! Do not write this down!
Okay….
Anyway! As I was saying, she was all like “I took the test for it.”
At that time I felt really dumb. I said something like: “You can do that?”
And then she said, “Well yeah, you take the SE’s.”
“I thought those were for highschoolers.”
“No, anyone can take them. So… what did you want to talk about again?”
“...Nothing…” I felt really dumb after talking to her. She was so far ahead of me that I kinda felt ashamed. And remembering what I said that day makes me want to cringe. Gosh, it’s so awful!
It doesn’t seem that bad from you… acting it out.
Well it was. Ugh, why did we have to bring that up?
You did.
Ugh, I know. Well, anyway.
Wait, this is from you being in sixth grade?
And what about the placement tests? You said something about those earlier.
Well, I mean, I didn’t do well on them. I did average, and so I was put into average classes. I didn’t care at first. It was just expected, you know? So later it was really hard for me to get ahead.
Okay, wait, you said that your mindset started to change in sixth grade. What do you mean?
Well, okay, so… in sixth grade, I listened to a part of this lecture by this professor, forgot his name, on magic. I didn’t really understand a lot of what he was talking about, but I remember some really amazing things that he said were possible with unicorn magic. I was really hooked. At first, you know, I was really interested in the science but I found the math to be even more cool. And so, yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t really know any proper math, but I knew some cool facts and stuff from reading fun books.
Oh. Okay…. That probably would have been easier to interject earlier. Just saying.
Whatever.Also, why are you telling this story in such a disjointed and wordy manner. I feel like this could be simplified.
I’m not quite so sure, to be honest. Will this cover highschool too?
Oh. Okay, then. I’ll just go read a book or do something else constructive.
Why are you being so mean, Twily? You’re not usually so grumpy.Cadance, I’ll concede that you're good at linear algebra, but you're not good at telling stories. Like, jeez, did you win the award in high school for talking the most but saying the least?
I don’t feel like that’s relevant.
Oh my gosh, you did, didn’t you?
I’m not answering that!
Cadance, I love you, but come on. You won the award.
This is a loaded question!
A loaded statement. Because it’s a fact. With a period.
Shut up…. Let me just finish my story….
Okay. Fine, I’ll listen. For you. Sorry.
Yay. Okay.
Author's Note
Cadance is such a character, isn't she? Twilight wishes she had this much personality. Probably.
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
Spike (the Dragon) is Actually a Lot More Contemplative (and Other Assorted Fairly Positive Verbs) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
The mare, Starlight Glimmer, and the dragon, Spike, sat down at the table outside. The both considered what they wanted. “I wonder if they have gems to sprinkle on top,” Spike pondered.
“I doubt it. They never do. It’s a real shame.”
“Hey, I’ll ask anyway. It’s like Ponscal’s Wager, you know? If I don’t ask and they did have gems, then I’ll have to suffer an eternity knowing that I never got gems that one time. Because I’m a dragon. And dragons are immortal.”
“That’s reasonable… I guess. It’s also a little depressing, but... I think I’ll get cookies and cream cone.”
“Really? That’s a little boring.”
“Spike, if I’m paying then I will get cookies and cream if I want cookies and cream.”
“Okay, sheesh, I was just joking.”
“You don’t joke about ice cream,” Starlight glared.
Spike laughed.
The two sat whilst Spike picked over his menu, announcing his satisfaction at some of the items and confusion on which one to get. Eventually, he decided.
Pinkie Pie came over and took the couple’s order.
“Woah, woah, we aren’t a couple. Stop.”
It’s just a phrase to spice up the language in the story. It’s a figure of speech.
“Yeah, well, I don’t like it.”
“I don’t like it either. It’s a little creepy. And by a little I mean that it’s a lot creepy. I’m a mare and he’s a child. Like really.”
God, fine . This fourth wall break is going to be really awkward and is going to make people stop reading the story. See what you did? This is your fault. There, right there, we already lost ten people.
Pinkie Pie came over and took the duo’s order. Starlight ordered her cookies and cream and Spike ordered a chocolate sundae, remembering to ask for gems.
The two ate in silence for a while before Starlight simply became too curious. “Okay, I know I’m going to regret this.”
“Regret what?”
“What did you mean when you said ‘I’ve already seen it’?”
“What?”
“...Earlier… in the castle…” Starlight said, trying to remain as vague as possible.
“You mean…?”
“Yes! I probably do mean what you’re thinking!”
“Well.”
“Well what?”
“Most ponies don’t wear clothes.”
Starlight stared at him in awe, as if the messiah were sitting in front of her eating a chocolate sundae.
“What?”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“You know, most dragons think it’s pretty gross.”
“Think what’s—You know what, I’m eating. I don’t want to hear about this.”
“But it’s just—”
“Ahah! Yeah, I don’t want to hear about it. Please.”
“Fine.”
Author's Note
I take no responsibility for my actions. It was them. They did it.
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
From this proposition it will follow, when arithmetic addition has been defined, that 1+1=2
Sooooo… Okay. Yes. Uhm….
You were telling the part about Prism and the awkward situation.
Okay, thanks. Okay, so, after that, it just continued on how it was. I read books for a while, you know, like I said, just about random fun mathy stuff. I could give you the general idea of what a specific field was about, but I didn’t know any of the axioms or methods or anything like that. I really wanted ponies to like me as much as they did Prism, but I found that having less than interesting conversation topics didn’t get me many friends. Well, that’s not true. I mean, math is interesting, but that doesn’t mean that other ponies thought it was interesting. It took me a while to realize that ponies didn’t just like Prism because she was good at school.
I don’t know. I guess what it really comes down to is that I just wanted to show ponies that I was different and that I could be smart too. Oh jeez, I don’t want to remember that.
So you’re saying that you weren’t actually interested in it?
No, I was. But not necessarily because I really enjoyed it. I grew to love math, but at first it definitely was just to look smart. Which didn’t actually work as well as I wanted it to. But my “forced interest” eventually turned into real awe. The more I learned, the easier it was to learn other stuff.
Aaaand so that’s how it was for a while. But then something changed. And this is where I’d really rather not remember this stuff. But because you asked so nicely, I tell you anyway.
It was the eighth grade, and I was just minding my own business. Well, not really. So I was in the schools library at lunch one day, just looking around at choices and such. It was pretty quiet. There were a few other ponies just doing whatever, probably studying. I was just kinda looking around the room when someone caught my eye. The book they were reading was big and red. It was Starlight Shine. He was reading a really weird book.
What was weird about it? You just said it was red .
Well, at the time I thought it was weird. There were a bunch of equations and diagrams, but I remember thinking that it looked way more advanced than anything I had read before that.
So it was a math book? Why did that surprise you?
I guess… I guess I just didn’t expect anyone to be reading one for “fun.” It wasn’t the book that had been given to anyone in my class, or his class, because even though we were in the same grade he took a more advanced magic and math class than me. I knew what the book he used looked like and I was confused. So after staring from a distance, being the stalker that I am, I walked up to him and asked: “What’s that?”
He got all anxious and looked around the room. I think he was trying to figure out who I was talking to. I pointed at the book and he said something like “Ohh… sorry… it’s book about math.”
I said, “What kind of math? Like what subject?”
“Oh, it’s about set theory.”
“...Oh… it looks so plain.”
And then he said, “Well, I don’t know how that would be, this isn’t geometry after all!” Heheheh. Just kidding.
Ughhhhhhh….
That was terrible.
As in… it wasn’t so much so unfunny that it became funny, it was just unfunny.
Come on, Twilight, why are you so up in arms today?Maybe because you’re dawdling on stuff that you don’t need to be.
Okay, fine, continue on.
So, okay, yeah, then Starlight said all with his cute stutter: “W-well, it’s, uhm, like a textbook….”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
“So….:
Okay, Cadance, it’s just getting weird. Saying single lines like that— Anyway , he explained it to me some more, and, well, I was surprised. I asked him why he was reading and he simply said, “Because... I-I like it.”
I don’t really know, or maybe I do, I don’t know, but that concept seemed so foreign to me. I said something like “But you’re not getting anything out of it? You can’t skip any more classes.”
“Well, yeah, I know… but I can still get college credit.”
“But what’s the point? I mean, you’re already so far ahead…”
“I-I don’t know… I just enjoy it….”
Like I said, I didn’t really get it at first. I didn’t really know what to do and so I just decided to ask what the book was. He told me it was called Principia Mathematica .
What?! He was reading that? To study set theory?
That’s pretty… hard core. Kind of sexy too….
Nothing.
Anyway, I thought a lot about what he was doing. I took me a while to realize that ponies would just actually, really learn things without an incentive. Saying it now sounds really silly, but, you know….
I remember laying in bed one night, kinda just thinking about the whole thing. I didn’t know what to do or what to make of it, so I just decided to check the book out for myself. Yeah, laugh all you want, but… well….
I’m not laughing.
Riveting.
Just let me tell the story! Anyway! I went to the Royal Archives the next day, and I looked around for the book. But it wasn’t in the section I thought it would be in. I ended up having to ask the mare at the front desk, I remember she had a really condescending expression. “Are you sure that’s the right book?” she said.
I was… irrationally embarrassed and so I explained that it was for a school project and that someone in my group wanted the book.
I took the book back to my room and I just sat on my bed, staring at it. I felt a little afraid of it—it was like, I don’t know, I felt like if I opened it I would change everything.
But eventually I did open it. I read the preface, and I was sooo confused. I just flat out did not understand what was going on. I stared at the the symbols and the proofs, just taking in the picture that all of it made. I flipped through the book, fully realizing that I just did not get it.
So I laid back on my bed, feeling gloomy. I wanted to understand it, but I just didn’t. I understood, I guess, the general idea, but it didn’t form a cohesive idea and I would get lost.
I fell asleep that night with a frown.
But I wanted to learn, and I knew one pony who could help me. It was Starlight Shine, incase you didn’t get that.
I was nervous about asking him for a few days. I just didn’t know how to go about it, you know. Asking something like that seemed a little awkward. Eventually, though, I got over it.
It was another day at lunch time, and I was in the library again. Starlight Shine was also there, still reading his book. I watched from him from another table.. I was, I don’t know, I was still thinking about how I would approach him.
After a while I decided to shed my pride and just do it. I wasn’t about to let my dreams be dreams. The day before, I remember, I had just told myself to do it tomorrow.
So, all rattled up as I was, I walked up to him. I remember it seemed like several minutes of just standing behind him before I said anything.
“Uhm, Starlight Shine,” I said formally.
He jumped a little and turned around really fast. “Y-yes, Princess?”
I probably bit my lip and scratched my leg before I said anything, and I said something like “So I was reading that book—I mean, not that one, but my own copy, and well….”
“O-oh, yeah, it’s pretty cool, right?”
“Yeah, but… I didn’t really get a lot of it, and I was wondering if you—I mean if you would help me get it.”
You make it sound like you were coming on to him.
No. Anyway, he just looked at me for a second before tilting his head and asking, “Why?”
“Because I… I want to get it. I want to learn more about math.” I don’t know if he could tell if I was blushing or not. But I was, like, really hard.
He just at me again. I was getting really nervous because I really couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“Uhm…. I’m not sure….” I remember him saying. He just turned around and looked at his book. I asked him what he meant. “I-I mean, well, I don’t know if you are….”
Hold on, okay, what? If it was so embarrassing to go and ask, why didn’t you just try harder? Why didn’t you just try reading more books and such? You had plenty of resources.
That’s fair, I guess. I’ve always been one to learn better, I think, through books than instruction so I guess I don’t really know how it feels.
Well, anyway, yes. Okay, so Starlight kind of froze before he finished what he was going to say. “You don’t know if I’m what?” I asked.
“I don’t know if… if you would l-like this stuff that much….”
“I do! I like math…. I want to learn, so can you help me?”
He told me that he “didn’t know” again. He just looked at his book again. I could tell he was really nervous, being near me.
It felt so awful to be subtly rejected like that. So instead of giving up, I persisted. I wasn’t really thinking about what it would mean. “Please… just… if I have any questions, can I ask you?”
“I… I guess so… but don’t tell a-anyone, please….”
“Okay, my lips are sealed. But as long as you don’t tell anyone either.”
That encounter still makes me cringe a little. I was so worried that he would shut me out.
Why did he not want you telling anyone?
I’ll get to that, don’t worry.
Why didn’t you want him telling anyone?
Well, I already kinda explained that. I was embarrassed. I mean, I shouldn’t have been embarrassed, but I guess because my personality didn’t match up with my interests, it just felt wrong. It’s like if you secretly children’s books. There’s nothing wrong with it—well, I mean it’s a little weird, I guess—
I don’t, by the way, I just wanted to make that clear.
...Okay…. Well, I mean, it would be weird, but since you don’t —
I don’t.
...Yeah. Right. But, since you’re a studious type, it would conflict with your image, you know? It sounds silly, but I didn’t want ponies to think I was a nerd, I guess. And I especially didn’t want anymore ponies talking to me like a foal when I talked about math.
But you said that you were trying to impress Prism.
Yeah, but that was just between us two. Anyway, I need to get some water. My throat's dry from talking so much. Or, actually, do you have milk? That sounds really good right now.
Yeah. It should be in the kitchen .
Author's Note
Integral Calculus (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) COMPILATION
tags:
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
Why is it that when you hover over people's names on the "Popular Stories" tab, it always projects their profiles out of the window?
So… yeah. Okay, so… okay. After I got done talking to Shine, I went home. I again tried reading the text, just starting from the very beginning. I reread the preface and the introduction, and I studied the chart full of the syntax and stuff. But it just didn’t make sense. I would try reading it outloud to parse it, but that just didn’t work.
That same night, after I talked to Shine, I was reading in my room when Auntie came to see me. She knocked on my door, but it was one of those fake knocks where they don’t actually wait for a response before coming in. That really annoys me.
I was laying on my bed looking through it and after I heard the knock I looked up a second later to see Auntie standing in the doorway. She didn’t look like anything was bothering her. When she saw the book laying out in front of me. She asked me what it was in an offhoof kind of way.
I replied, of course, being me, with a frantic “Nothing!” and covered it up.
That’s just going to make it worse.
Yeah, Twilight, that’s kind of just like... one of the major recurring tropes in this story. Thanks.
Whatever.
Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me! I’m not the one adding their own “helpful” little tidbits every other sentence!
Okay, okay, I get it, I’m sorry. Just continue on.
Yeah , so, as I was saying, Auntie Celestia called me out on it. I’m pretty sure that she just wanted to see what kind of “stuff” I was into. But when she saw it was a math book, she just gave me this condescending look that just makes me so angry . I love Auntie, but jeez. She didn’t even try to hide it. She just told me “Well, good luck Cadance,” and left. She never even told me what she was originally going to say.
It made me angry, but it motivated me, too. I wanted nothing more then to prove her wrong. I wanted to, you know, show her that I could do stuff beyond what she wanted me to do, or thought that I was capable of. I guess I just wanted to break the mold.
Auntie always wanted me to do simple stuff. She never seemed to particularly care or not if I understood more complex math and science and stuff, and she never pushed me to think too deeply about the world. I… I guess I understand why. I mean, you know, I’ve known that I was the ‘Princess of Love’ from early on. And you’re right, Twilight, as much as I hate to admit it, those things don’t match well. After all, math is far from romantic, unless you’re talking about like a science fiction novel or something. But I digress. Sort of. I think.
Okay, well, the point is is that Auntie only really pushed me towards art and culture and equinology1 and political science. Again, I know why, and I really like those things, but I always felt a sort of… purposelessness—no, more like… vagueness… I guess… that I could compensate for with other stuff like science. I enjoy art and culture and stuff, and I’m not trying to diss them, but I just wanted something extra that I couldn’t find there. It’s like—it’s like I thought there was a lack of real meaning.
I think I understand what you’re saying. I never really paid much attention to the meaningfulness of what I was studying in school when I was younger. I just thought it was fun. That’s very mature of you, Cadance.
Thank you. But, still, I don’t want to come across as some super serious pony. I do like art and pony studies and they are fun and I think they have value, but it’s almost like there was an un-fun-ness that I was lacking.
I won’t say that I’ve felt that, but I think I know where you’re coming from.
I don’t know. I don’t want to come across as some sort of scrooge, but… okay, I give up trying to explain. I think you know what I mean.
And well… where was I? Oh, right, yeah. What Auntie said really motivated me to prove her wrong. So I tried reading that book.
It was slow at first. I read the chart in the front with all the symbols on it, trying to literally read exactly what all the proofs said. I would write it down in simple language by just replacing the symbols with exactly what they meant in words. I then read it all out and pieced it together until I finally got it.
Just kidding. I didn’t understand it at all. I cried, that night.
The next day I went to school. I was all antsy until lunch. I just wanted to talk to Shine and see what he could tell me.
So that day at lunch I didn’t eat. I was nervous. I don’t really know why I was nervous, it was just one of those things where I know I wasn’t supposed to feel nervous but I did. And I mean, he was really awkward himself, so it’s not like I had anything to worry about.
So that day I walked up to him in the library. He was still reading the book, and it looked like he was a lot further than the day before. I walked up to him and didn’t know what to say, so I just waited behind his back like before.
After a while, I just said out loud “I have some questions.”
He just turned around with this scared look on his face, saying “Oh! Hi, Princess.”
I cleared my throat and took out my own copy of the book. I opened up to the very first proof.
He just looked at me with this face of pity and confusion at the same time. I went with what I was saying, anyway, “I’ve read through all the preface part and the introduction and I’ve read the symbols, but I don’t understand how this proof works.”
He was still confused because I guess he just couldn’t understand how somepony could read the text and not get it.
“Well, i-it’s pretty straightforward. I mean, u-uhm…”
“Okay, can you work me through the first one?”
“Well, I don’t know.”
I begged him, trying to get him to bend to my will with a cute smile, asking “Please?”
Wow, Cadance, that’s… I really don’t know. It’s like some kind of weird reverse of the usual popular-girl-gets-nerd-to-do-her-homework-trope, but at the same not. I’m mostly just confused.
About what?
I—I don’t really know. This is really bothering me for some reason. I don’t know. It… it feels like something is just wrong when I think about it. It’s like… if a filly started acting grown stallion. It unsettling, but I don’t know why.
Uh… ‘kay. I’ll… take that into account… I guess?
Yeah, you do that.
Yeah… uhm… well, Shine… uh… hm….
Oh, right. I sat down next to him, and he looked at the book I had open. Oh, yeah, I managed to convince him to help me, and he did. I was very generous.
I think you mean gracious. Or maybe you mean he was generous.
No, Twilight. I was generous. Starlight Shine was lucky he was in my presence. Just kidding.
So which one was it?
He looked at me, and I remember him giving this sigh under his breath like he just wanted me to die. I don’t know if he actually thought that, of course, and he probably didn’t, but that’s how I felt he felt.
Are you just going to ignore me?
No, of course not, Twilight.
Oh, uh, then which one was—
I just shook my head.
He looked at me with the most blank expression I had ever seen and just said “How?”
I didn’t know how to respond, and he stared at me for some more time. I just blushed.
After a while he spoke up and said “D-do you know stuff about like induction and proofs and stuff….”
I said I didn’t really know anything about it.
He said “Oh” and left it at that for a bit.
“But I can learn about it, uh, if you give me some books or something.”
“Uh… okay. H-how much do you know about stuff like algebra and stuff?”
“Not a lot… I know uhm… functions and… quadratics.”
“What about Geometry?”
I was confused as to what Geometry had to do with anything, you know, so I just looked at him before he said anything else. He finally said “I—I’ll take that as a no. I think you should start there.”
I asked him why and he told me that geometry was a lot about proving potential relations between shapes and stuff.
I know .
Yeah. Well, I didn’t at the time. But Shine was very nice. He was telling me basically where to start with learning. After that conversation, he told me that I should get a book with him, and so we walked over to the nonfiction section and he gave me the book he studied on Geometry and simple proofs, Geometry for Enjoyment and Challenge . I gave him a funny look when he handed it to me, of course.
I’ve never heard of that one .
It’s an older one. But above all, he selected a copy of Elements . It was a single book that had each of the thirteen original volumes! It was thick, you know, and I don’t really think it helped me that much because a lot of the language was pretty dense, but you know. After reading the textbook he gave me, I would go back and read the other book and most of it actually made sense. It was a good feeling.
After that, I read the book on my own, you know, and then the next day I would ask Shine questions about problems that I couldn’t figure out myself. And it worked out well for a while.
So are you done?
Author's Note
So I feel like I have some explaining to do for everyone that isn't Cadance (or an enthusiast like myself).
The first book mentioned, Principia Mathematica is a book by Alfred North Whitehead & Bertrand Russell outlining Set Theory. Set Theory is one of the many groups of axioms and notations that is part of the quest for a unifying foundation of mathematics. In mathematics, there are several different basis for everything and interpretations of what mathematics is. Some fields seem to produce conflicting results and so this is why this is a big problem. To this day not one theory is universally accepted among mathematicians, although Set Theory is one of the more popular ones. Oh, and an axiom is just something assumed to be true and that doesn't need to be proven. It is accepted. A definition is like a set of instructions or a label, like "this is a variable" or "this is addition," and a theorem is something that is shown to be true with a proof.
The second book mentioned, Geometry for Enjoyment and Challenge by George Milauskas, Richard Rhoad, and Robert Whipple is a geometry textbook. Pretty straightforward.
The last book, Elements by Euclid, outlines Euclidian (planar) geometry. This is the stuff most people are used to: lines, polygons, etc. It's collected into a series consisting of 13 books, each delving into different areas of geometry.
So yeah. I hope that made sense for anyone that was confused. If you were confused, I hope some knowledge was gained!
Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
Wow, I Haven't Posted a Chapter In a While
Okay, where was I? It feels like a lot longer than it actually was.Yeah, like six months. But that's impossible, because you just left the room for a second to get a drink. me . Like, I mean, he didn't treat me any differently than he treated anyone else anymore, but I don't know if that's really saying much because he was pretty formal with everyone. But anyway, it seemed like he stopped caring about me being a princess and just cared about the math.still felt inferior to Prism. It seemed like she was always so far ahead of me, but I was catching up. Hindsight really is 20/20—I mean, I feel silly now for it obviously, but it didn't seem silly then.knew you were a math pony."I don't believe you. Shut up. so awkward asking him, but one day I just decided to go up and ask like, "Oh, uhm... Starlight Shine... I.... Can we meet over the summer?"hard . His coat was really dark, but I could see the tint of his cheeks change even through it. He looked like he was sweating bullets. He had eyes as wide as tea cups, too, and he just starred at me, completely silent. Seeing him, I wanted to die. He totally thought I was trying to hit on him.Okay, wait, sorry, but, you read an entire textbook on your own? Like everything? Why? What? That makes sense. That's what I've been saying this entire time. won't finish it. You can take your snarkiness somewhere else, your old foal-sitter doesn't appreciate it.Oh, okay, bye. No! Wait! Twilight! Please?I don't hate you Cadance. I just hate your story. Oh, don't act surprised and stutter like that. You knew I didn't like it from the... like... the second part. That—that doesn't matter. Whatever. The point is, you made me wait six mont—minutes for this. I mean... wait... how long has it been? Ugh, Cadance.... Fiiiine. But only because you asked to nicely.
Author's Note
Hi. I'm still alive. I mean, probably. This might be my dead man's switch posting the last written chapter of this story. Wooooo, spooooky.
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
Things Happen in This One, I Promise, Also, I Feel like Some People are Far Too Partisan in Our Society
Okay, now that I've had time to collect myself, here I go.Wait, why didn't you just sit outside or something? Okay... but didn't you say earlier that he didn't want anyone knowing about you? What about his parents? What do you mean? Did ponies go to him for things that weren't math? Like meth? Meth and math, get it? It's a joke. What? He was selling meth?! That is a good question. How would she smite someone? A magnifying glass and hot day? Weren't they there when you got there though? wished Celestia would smite him with her magnifying glass.really embarrassed, and I did not want to go back to Shine's house a just few moments later. It wasn't a big deal, but it definitely felt one.Wow, that's tough. But why were they so angry at him? Did you ever find out? ...So what was it...? Ugh.
Author's Note
Life is beautiful.
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
At This Point, I'm Just Adding Chapters to Make Titles That I find Funny
Soooo....Okay...
Cadance got up from her humble sitting position, and walked ungracefully towards the kitchen, her left hind having fallen asleep.topological balls as they cooled the air around them.
Author's Note
I want water
Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
f(x) = exp(x) - x, (f^(-1))(x) = ?
"Not much."
Author's Note
idk
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
The Chapter in Which a Great Many Things Happen
So… I guess it started in like… I don’t know… fifth grade or so. You know, I was the “girly girl” type, I guess you could say. Well, no, wait, I need to go back further. I think. Okay, hold on a second, I wasn’t really prepared for today.
Author's Note
Cadance is pink. This symbolizes, in part, various pink nouns, and some pink adverbs.
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Princess Cadance (Mi Amore Cadenza) Is Actually a Lot Better at Differential Calculus (and Other Assorted Fairly Complex Topics in Mathematics) than Anyone Would Have Reasonably Expected
This Chapter May or May Not Come Out A Relatively Short Time After the Last
Yeah so................................. Uhm.... I really don't know how to continue.That's not real. Okay, Cadance, to help you out, I'll start you off on this part: Omg, okay, like totally, I was talking to 'Shine and it was so awkward because the library was closed!!!! What do we do??? Omg I have so much angst in highschool look at me I'm so popular but I'm secretly a baaaaad kid inside because I'm doing something no one expects!!!! Woah!!!! Then just get on with it! It's like you're a self conscious prepy school girl trying to increase the word count to trick herself into thinking her writing is better! Oh, come on, Cadance, look, I'm sorry, you don't have to pout like that. Oh, don't start crying, too! Why are you crying now?! Okay, okay, I said I was sorry. Please, Cadance, tell me your story. I would love to hear it. Earlier, I was lying, you knew I wasn't really going to walk away, it was a joke. I took it too far. So can you finish your story? Please, Cadance?
Author's Note
Cadance has had a rough week, and this was just the straw that broke the camel—er, pony's—back. And Twilight was stressed out too, so don't please blame her. I mean, anyone who has to hear Cadance tell a story is bound to feel at least some undue burden.
