Ponyville goes Commercial
Chapter 1: The Fateful Meeting
It was another beautiful morning in Equestria, the birds were singing, the parasprites were flying without a care, the fillies and the colts were playing and singing in the picturesque town of Ponyville, business as usual. But for a certain cyan mare, she couldn’t enjoy her morning, mostly because she didn’t get a wink of sleep at all last night.
Rainbow Dash groggily sat up on her haunches on her bed, groaned exhaustedly and got up, her blue hooves hitting the cold marble floor, her Pegasus body was covered in sweat, she had spent the entire night roasting in her bed from the surprisingly hot summer night, her air conditioner had broken down the night before and as she felt the cool touch of the floor on her hooves, she contemplated whether she would have gotten any rest if she slept on the floor instead of her bed.
Her pet turtle Tank stared at her as she shuffled by him, Rainbow Dash lazily turned towards him and tried to greet her beloved pet with a “Good Morning Tank” but all that came out was a disgruntled “Meh…”
Rainbow Dash continued to shuffle towards her bathroom to take a shower to get all the sweat off of her body, she still felt half asleep as she turned the knob, even after the hot water hit her, she still felt somewhat dazed, she just stood there motionless as the hot water soaked through her mane and coat. She only moved to turn around so that the rest of her could be rinsed off. The shower didn’t help at all, she still felt like she was going to pass out. But then after only 30 seconds of showering, her hot water ran out and the warmth she felt quickly turned to discomfort as the water became extremely cold.
That woke her up… “Aaahhhhhhhhh! Buck! Ah! Cold! Cold! Augh!” she wailed as she nearly fell over in her shower.
Rainbow Dash now wide awake… turned the water off, angrily mumbling expletives to herself as she made her way to the kitchen. She turned on the light and made herself her usual power breakfast which consisted of hay bacon and scrambled eggs as usual. She was about to take a bite out of her hay bacon when she remembered that she forgot to make her traditional breakfast smoothie.
So she took out her blender and put in the necessary fruits, she turned it on, watching the fruits begin to shred apart into a mass of distorted colours before they melded together to produce a dark red coloured mass of liquid… Rainbow put her smoothie into the largest glass that she had and putting her breakfast onto a tray, sat down to watch some morning television to celebrate her precious day off.
Her remote’s battery was dead but she was still able to turn the TV on manually. Rainbow Dash watched a race from the Neighscar channel, she loved watching other Pegasi racing through the skies and like her father taught her long ago… Excitement was the best way to start a day.
“And here comes Spitfire coming down the final turn…” said the announcer.
“Go, Spitfire!” said Rainbow Dash with excitement.
“She’s catching up to Sonic Boom at a dazzling rate, and OH! Here comes Jetstream coming back with a vengeance! Can the promising newcomer steal the win from these two veterans of professional flying?!”
“Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh!” said Rainbow Dash who could barely contain her excitement.
“They’re coming down the home stretch, all three of them are neck and neck! This might be a photo finish!” said the announcer as Rainbow Dash’s smile grew wider and wider with anticipation.
“Here they come, they’re so close to the finish line! The winner, it looks like it’s going to be…”
The announcer was cut off as the TV turned off by itself, the kitchen light also shut off by itself as the power in Rainbow Dash’s house cut off.
Rainbow Dash’s smile turned to an expression of horror as the power went off. “What?! Nononononono NO!” she said as she quickly made her way outside through the open window and flew upwards to the roof.
She went to the roof and went to a nearby cloud, it was a miniature lightning cloud that she stole from work, it was already positioned over the exterior generator of her abode. Rainbow went up to it, turned around and bucked it slightly so that a thin stream of lightning would come down and find its way into the generator.
Rainbow heard her power coming back from outside her house as she quickly made her way back inside and got back into her comfy chair.
“That was perhaps the greatest finish known to Neighscar, let’s play that finish again!” said the Announcer.
Rainbow Dash sighed in relief with the knowledge that she wasn’t too late to catch the instant replay of the race’s conclusion.
“So as you can see, Jetstream is inching forward, Sonic Boom is closing in, Spitfire is gaining ground and here we go again… the winner is…”
The image of the race was replaced by static, as Rainbow’s Cable went out, leaving Rainbow Dash unable to see the winner of the race.
“Oh come on!” said Rainbow Dash in anger as she spitefully turned off her television set. It was bad enough that she didn’t get any sleep, or a decent shower but now she can’t even watch TV in peace. Rainbow cursed her lack of power, her broken cable, her water heater and her air conditioner for ruining her morning. Rainbow Dash mumbled more expletives to herself as she made her way outside. She left her house, slammed her door and spread her wings, making her way down to Ponyville proper as she soared through the sky.
Elsewhere and at the same time, a purple alicorn woke up in her own bed with a grunt, she woke up feeling peaceful and calm, which felt weird in a way. Twilight Sparkle always remembered waking up hectic and stressful, she felt as though something was missing…
“Oh, what time is it?” she said groggily. She opened her eyes slightly and looked at the time… the time on her alarm clock wasn’t on and so she looked at her wall clock, it read 9:46.
“Oh, it’s just 9:46, I can sleep in a little later…” said Twilight in a state of half-awakeness as she started to drift back to sleep. Five seconds later her eyes shot open as fast as lightning. “9:46?! Holy Celestia I overslept, the library should be open by now!” she said in a panic as she scrambled out of bed and rushed to get ready. Twilight then realised what was missing, her alarm didn’t go off, the power must have gone out and stopped her from waking up. She rushed to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and combed her mane as hastily as possible. By the time she was finished, her nasty morning breath had a slight tinge of mint and her mane looked worse than it did when she woke up.
“Spike, Spike! Are you awake?!” she called as she approached Spike’s bed.
Spike wasn’t awake, he was sprawled on his bed and talking in his sleep.
“I ordered a cheese pizza, take this one with green peppers back!” slurred Spike.
“Spike, wake up!” said Twilight calmly as she tapped his face.
“Spike grimaced slightly and swatted Twilight’s hoof away reflexively… “Get out of my wigwam!” slurred the drowsy dragon.
Twilight was confused as to what a wigwam was but she pushed that thought aside and started to shake her dragon awake. “Spike wake up! We have work to do!” she said a little louder than before.
“Spike wouldn’t budge. “I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with light,” slurred Spike.
Twilight then decided to wake up Spike the unpleasant way, she focused her magic and levitated Spike’s tiny bed as high as she could and then she quickly flipped it upside down.
Spike fell and hit the ground with a thud. Spike landed on his face, giant dragon nose first. He rubbed his face and his sore nose as he acclimated to his surroundings. “Oh, hey Twilight! Have you seen my bed?!” he asked.
Twilight put his bed down and said “Sorry about that, buddy but we overslept! The power must have gone out again! We have to hurry through breakfast and open the library!” said a panicked Twilight.
“Oh, okay, whatever…” said Spike as he yawned.
Twilight went to the cupboard and pulled out a box of cereal, she got a bowl and shook it rapidly, but nothing came out.
Twilight raised an eyebrow and then looked inside to find nothing, no cereal to be found. “Spike!” she said in annoyance… “What did I tell you about putting the empty box back in the cupboard?!”
“Uh, to not do that?” said the dragon who was still rubbing the sleep put of his eyes.
“Whatever, I’ll just get an orange from the fridge,” said Twilight. She went to her refrigerator and opened it, she would soon regret that because as soon as she opened the door, a foul smell wafted from the open fridge. To Twilight’s horror, all of the fruits were rotting before her eyes, the milk was curdled and the hay was covered in flies. Twilight wondered how this was happening and then she remembered that the power went out in the middle of the night. “Ugh! Spike! All the food has gone bad!” she said in frustration. It’s bad enough that she overslept but now she’s going to be hungry on top of that.
“Well, that piece of cheese looks alright…” said Spike as he gestured to what looked like a piece of aged cheese lodged in the back of the fridge.
“Spike, that’s not cheese…that used to be a lemon square…” said Twilight flatly.
“Oh! Well… forget what I said, the food went bad…” said Spike. He looked through the fridge a second time to double check when all of a sudden he found something that made his eyes light up. “Wait Twilight! Not all of our food went bad last night!”
“Really?!” said an excited Twilight. “So what can we have for breakfast?!”
“Ta-Dah!” said Spike as he pulled out a fat Garnet. He took a small bite and said with a grin on his face. “Yup! My gems are still good! Mm… Ah… that’s the stuff,” he said as he ate his gemstone… Spike’s pleasure was interrupted when he looked up and saw his best friend start to seethe in his direction.
“Spike gulped instinctively and swallowed the chunk of stone in his mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry…” he said sheepishly. “Do you want some too?” he asked as he held up half of the Garnet for Twilight to take.
“No Spike, you can have it… but thanks for that… I appreciate the offer…” said Twilight who felt a little better about her situation.
“Suit yourself…” said Spike as he shoved the rest of his gemstone into his mouth.
“Sho whutch yoo gorna do fuh breafuh?!” said Spike as he was talking with his mouth full and spraying gem shards all over the place.
“Well, I’m just going to go to Sugarcube Corner and get a cupcake or something…” said Twilight as she made her way to the door. “C’mon Spike, let’s go!”
Twilight went outside of her castle and out the door, as she made her way outside she came upon a small filly, it was Twist, and the bespectacled ginger-maned young filly seemed a little on edge.
“Um, Twilight, is the library open yet?” asked Twist nervously.
“No, sorry Twist, the library is closed… I missed breakfast and I have to eat something…” said Twilight.
“Oh, well can you please go in and get a book about Possession or maybe something about Exorcisms?” inquired the troubled youth. “I feel some sort of presence inside me… and… I keep hearing this voice… he tells me to do horrible things… and I end up doing disastrous things when I don’t want to… I’m struggling to not give in but the urges get stronger every minute! I don’t want to hurt anypony anymore! Please Twilight you have to help me!” pleaded the young filly.
“Uh-huh… that sounds great Twist but I have to go,” said Twilight who didn’t pay attention to anything that Twist was saying, she was pacing in place awkwardly, wanting to leave so she could appease her growling stomach.
“Can you just go check for that book, I really need it…”
“Twist, I can’t do that right now,” said Twilight.
“But… if you could just…”
“TWIST! NOT NOW!” screamed Twilight in Twist’s face.
Twilight stormed in frustration away from the young filly as Spike soon followed her, as they passed by Twist, her right eye started to turn a feral shade of yellow, soon her entire eye resembled that of a cat’s.
“You don’t have to take that from a stuck-up fool like her, burn her house down, burn it to the ground! BURN! DESTROY! TAKE REVENGE!” said a deep and sinister voice from within Twist’s head.
“NO! Please… just leave me alone! I won’t listen to you! I won’t! I won’t!” sobbed Twist as she ran away clutching her head with her hooves.
After that incident, Twilight and Spike made it to Sugarcube Corner, the eating establishment looked pretty worse for wear, some of the floorboards were missing, the paint was chipping from the walls, many of the tables were in large pieces being held together with planks of wood. The jukebox had a large hole in it and there was a musty smell in the air. Most of all, Sugarcube Corner was mostly empty, with barely anypony there, a couple of months ago, the restaurant was beautiful and fun but now here it was, a shadow of its former self.
“Has Sugarcube Corner been hit by a tornado or something, this place looks like a ghost town,” said Spike.
“Um, hello?! Pinkie? Mr. Cake?!” said Twilight as she sat behind the counter. “Anypony?! Hello?”
Twilight could hear the sound of somepony sprinting as he saw Mr. Cake running towards her, he made his way to the cash register and said “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! How can I help you?!” he said in an exhausted tone.
Twilight was a little taken aback at what she was seeing… Mr. Cake looked absolutely ragged, his hat was slightly torn and his chin was covered in stubble and he also looked tired, like he hadn’t got any sleep for a long time.
“Oh, uh… well… I was wondering if you had any cupcakes?" asked Twilight nervously.
“YES!” he said excitedly but then he backpedaled right when he saw Twilight’s concerned stare… “Uh, I mean yes, yes we do have cupcakes,” he said nervously, “Pinkie! We need some cupcakes!”
“Roger Dodger!” said Pinkie from the back room as she started to prepare Twilight’s late-morning snack.
“Hey Mr. Cake are you okay?” said Twilight.
“What? Me? I’m fine? Never better… Why do you ask!?” said Mr. Cake.
“I’m asking because the store is a wreck! What happened?” asked Twilight.
“Yeah, this place got pretty messed up!” said Spike.
Mr. Cake sighed and said to them… “Well, I wasn’t there at the time so I don’t know all the details but a couple weeks ago, somepony got into a fight with another pony at this store and destroyed a lot of our stuff,” said Mr. Cake as he sighed. “Apparently it was quite a nasty skirmish… In fact, according to witnesses at the scene, one of the ponies shoved the other into our jukebox!” he said as he gestured to the ruined jukebox with the large hole in the bottom of the machine.
“That’s terrible!” said Twilight. “If this was a couple of weeks ago, then why is the store still in disarray?! I would think that the damages would be fixed by now!”
“Well, the town usually sends relief money for just such an emergency but this time we barely got any compensation that we can use for repairs,” said Mr. Cake. “I had to take out some of our own money and cut Pinkie’s wages so we could make ends meet and it just… well… look how far even that got…” said Mr. Cake glumly as he gestured to his ruined restaurant.
“Mr. Cake, if there’s anything I can do to help you and Pinkie Pie, just name it!” said Twilight sadly.
Mr. Cake smiled slightly at Twilight’s kindness, he knelt down slightly and started to tousle her mane. “Twilight, you’re already helping me, you’re giving me some business! It may be slight but every bit helps us out right now! So thank you for your help!” said Mr. Cake.
“Hey I want to help too!” said Spike. “Mr. Cake, bring us one of everything!” said the dragon impulsively.
“What Spike said!” said Twilight with a smile.
“Are you sure your stomachs can handle one of everything?” said Mr. Cake with a nervous smile.
“No worries! We’re out of food anyway!” said Twilight.
Mr. Cake was touched by Twilight’s gesture. He was so happy, with tearing eyes he said… “Bless your heart, Twilight…” He turned to the back and said, “Pinkie! One of everything please!”
“ONE OF EVERYTHING?!” said Pinkie’s voice from the back incredulously. “Okie Dokie Lokie, sir!” she said as she reached into the fridge and pulled out a bunch of ingredients.
“I better help her out...” he said shyly. “Thanks again for your help! Are you sure you can even cover it?”
“Don’t worry! I’ll pay by check!” said Twilight as she took out her check book.
“Okay then! You go find somewhere to sit and I’ll get your order ready… Thanks again Twilight!” said Mr. Cake as he disappeared into the kitchen.
Twilight looked through the tables trying to find one that wasn’t completely wrecked, she searched through the aisles until she heard a loud groaning sound.
Twilight went to the source of the noise and she found Rainbow Dash sprawled out on the table, she was dazed and had bags under her eyes. Her hoof was hanging off the edge of the table, in that hoof was a chocolate milkshake, its contents steadily spilling out onto the floor, in fact there were a lot of milkshake glasses near the table.
“Uh… Rainbow Dash?! Are you okay?!” said Twilight to the half passed out Pegasus.
“Uuuuuuhhhhhh…No…” groaned the blue Pegasus, “I think I’m going to throw up!”
“What are you even doing here?” said Twilight. “Shouldn’t you be working on the weather or something? And what’s with all the shakes?”
“It’s my day off…” Rainbow said as she sluggishly got off the table. “Clear Skies is covering my shift today, I beat up that stallion that was creepily stalking her…”
“Somepony was stalking her?!” said Twilight.
“I know right, it’s pretty bucked up!” said Rainbow. “Anyway I sent that stalker packing and she owed me a favour, and I got these shakes to help Mr. Cake, can you believe that all this damage came from a fight?!” said Rainbow. “It’s like, what is this town coming to? Fighting in a crowded restaurant in the middle of the day? For Buck’s sake!” said Rainbow as she facehooved.
“I know, today hasn’t been a good day for me either! The power went out, my alarm didn’t go off and all my food went bad!” said Twilight.
“Not all the food went bad Twilight…” said Spike.
“I said all of MY food, Spike,” said Twilight.
“That’s nothing!” said Rainbow Dash with a scowl upon her muzzle. “At least you got to sleep! My air conditioner broke and I was boiling all night long! And to tell you the truth, the power at my place isn’t much better…” said Rainbow Dash as she was instantly reminded of her TV turning off right before the climax of the race she saw.
“It seems like the town is just getting worse and worse…” said Twilight glumly, “I mean think about it, we’re not getting any hot water, the power keeps going out…”
“Tell me about it! The air conditioning is busted, the cable only works when it feels like it…” said Rainbow.
“The supermarkets are understocked…” said Twilight.
'“Things just aren’t getting fixed...” said Rainbow.
“Everypony just seems so distant… and sad…” said Twilight.
“Nothing seems to be getting done!” said the cyan mare indignantly, "Have you been flying around lately? There’s garbage piling up near everypony’s doors on Mane Avenue!”
Both Twilight and Rainbow fell silent as they reflected on the sad state of their precious town of Ponyville.
“Hey Rainbow Dash…” said Twilight glumly, “Do you remember when this place used to be… happy?”
Rainbow Dash thought about it for a minute and then she said… “Yeah, faintly though… it just seems that over the last few months, everything just went downhill. What could’ve happened? This place used to be so cool.”
Both Rainbow Dash and Twilight sighed sadly reminiscing of when Ponyville was such a happy place.
Their thoughts were interrupted when Rainbow Dash’s stomach made a fierce gurgling sound. “Urp!” said Rainbow as she held her mouth closed. “Hold that thought Twilight, I’m not feeling so good, uh, if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom!” she said rather quickly as she took off towards the restrooms.
Twilight and Spike could hear heaving and wretching sounds coming from the restroom, apparently Rainbow Dash feared right when she said that it felt like she could throw up.
“Well that doesn’t sound good…” said Spike. “Will she be all right?”
“Probably…” said Twilight. “I just wish she wasn’t making those noises though…” she said.
Her thoughts of Rainbow’s discomfort were interrupted when a Pegasus mare made her way into Sugarcube Corner, it was Derpy Hooves, the local mailmare, and she approached the pair who was waiting at the table.
“I brought you a message!” said Derpy Hooves with her usual cross-eyed grin.
“Oh, hello Derpy!” said Twilight to the postmare. “What’s the message?”
“It’s from Mayor Mare, she’s calling a town meeting and everypony has to be there by sunset.
“A meeting? Do you know what the meeting is about?” inquired Twilight.
“I don’t know but everypony has to be there at sunset, sunset sharp…” she said as she just suddenly trailed off after the word sharp. “Please tell everypony you meet about the meeting, it makes the job easier.”
“Sure Derpy, I’ll tell everypony!” smiled Twilight.
“Thank you Twilight!” said Derpy as she started to leave, she turned around and said. “Oh yeah, Mayor Mare says that it’s important that you and the other elements of harmony show up to the meeting, she said it was so important, that she can’t have the meeting without you!”
“Who, Twilight and her friends?” said a surprised Spike, “Why?!”
“Yeah, why it is so important that we show up to this meeting Derpy?”
“I don’t know, but I gotta go, Bye Bye!” said Derpy as she left the building and flew away.
“What was that about?” said a confused Spike.
“I don’t know, this sounds like it’s going to be a very important meeting if everypony is required to be there…” said Twilight who was just as confused as Spike was.
Before they could think about it any further Rainbow Dash appeared before them, she was standing on her hind legs and swaying slightly as she walked over to them, she sat down at the table, panting and gasping as she wiped her muzzle with her hoof and said… “Well that was the worst minute and a half of my life!”
She looked at Twilight and Spike and said, “So… what did I miss?”
Sunset came and everypony was gathered in the town hall to attend Mayor Mare’s meeting, apparently she had some important issues to discuss with the town. Everypony was muttering things to each other and the cacophonous sound of murmuring hung throughout the room. Rainbow Dash hovered down the aisle, looking for somewhere to sit, lots of the seats were already full, she could hover over some of the seats but that was considered a rude gesture in Ponyville and as much as she loved fighting the power, this was not the best place to do so.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash! Over here!” came a chipper voice.
Rainbow Dash turned her head left and saw Scootaloo reserving an empty seat next to her, she was sitting behind the other Crusaders who were with their own sisters, The other two Elements that made up Rainbow’s other friends were seated in the row behind Scootaloo’s seat.
Rainbow Dash smiled and took the seat next to her sister while Twilight took the seat on the other side of the Pegasus mare. “Hey, Squirt! How are things going?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Not very well…” said Scootaloo dejectedly, “I just got back from the hospital. You know how I’m not really improving that much on our flying practice?” said Scootaloo with a nervous look in her eyes.
“Hey, I wouldn’t say that!” Said Rainbow to her protégé, “Getting seven feet off of the ground is better than last month! You could barely get four feet off the ground, that’s some improvement, right?”
“Well anyway, my parents took me to get my wings examined because at my age, Pegasus fillies should at least be able to glide, the doctors say I might have a developmental condition with my wings or something,” said the dismal filly.
“That’s terrible!” said Rainbow Dash sadly as she instinctively put her hoof around Scootaloo’s shoulder. “What exactly is the problem?” said the worried Pegasus mare.
“I don’t know yet. I’m getting my results from the doctor’s office in a couple of days,” Scootaloo started to sigh and she said with a quiet and distant voice, “What if I’ll never fly? The nurse even said that a Pegasus that can’t fly is hardly a Pegasus at all.”
“First off, was the nurse a Pegasus? Because if she isn’t than that’s a pretty racist thing to say,” said Rainbow Dash. “Actually even for another Pegasus, that’s still an awful thing to say to a fellow pony. Secondly, even if you can’t ever fly, that doesn’t change the fact that I love you or that I’ll always be on your side!” she said with a warm smile.
“She was a unicorn,” said Scootaloo who was answering her idol’s first question. “And do you really mean that?”
“Of course I do!” said Rainbow Dash. “Hey, you know what, let’s stick it to those egghead doctors and go practice flying! If you’re anything like me, than you can channel your rage and fly better when you have that adrenaline pumping!”
“Does flying really work like that?” said Scootaloo who was questioning the validity of Rainbow Dash’s baffling claim.
“Have you ever seen me storm out of somewhere and fly away? I take off sooooooooo fast!” she bragged. “Actually I should think some mad thoughts and show you! Words don’t do it justice!”
“Okay, Rainbow Dash! That sounds great! I would love to go flying with you!” said Scootaloo who started to feel better about herself. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo as she gave her sister figure a hug.
“No problem, squirt!” said Rainbow Dash as she returned her sister’s hug.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash? Do you know why the Mayor called this meeting?” said Scootaloo.
“Uh, no I don’t… I wonder what she’s going to talk about?” said the confused Pegasus.
“Yeah, I’m actually interested in that myself,” said Twilight from beside Rainbow.
“So you don’t know what this is about?!” said Rainbow Dash.
“If I had to guess, I’d say it’s about why the hot water keeps shutting off and why nothing in Ponyville is working properly,” replied the purple alicorn “But I don’t think that anypony knows why she called this meeting,” said Twilight to all of her friends nearby. She gestured to the crowd of ponies that were tossing around theories back and forth to prove her point. “She could be here to talk about anything,” she said but she couldn’t help but think of how it was important it was that she, Rainbow Dash and the other Elements were specifically required for this meeting.
There was a couple more minutes of murmuring before Mayor Mare finally made her appearance in the conference room, the murmuring fell into silence as the almond coloured mare made her way to the podium to deliver her speech.
Mayor Mare’s stomach was filled with butterflies, she never had to make a speech this serious before, as she walked up to the podium, she considered making up some lie. She wanted to say that everything is fine but she knows that this problem has gone on long enough and that the citizens needed to know the truth.
“My fellow ponies…” said the troubled mayor with a shaky voice. "I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve called this meeting."
“Forget that!” said Diamond Tiara. “I heard that you’re cancelling the annual upper class tax cut!” said the seething Earth Filly. “Without our tax cut, we’ll have to… *shudder* save up money to go on vacation at the Gallop-agos Islands this year!” Diamond Tiara then proceeded to gag slightly at saying the words “Save up” but she quickly recovered and said “Let me tell you something! I am not cutting corners so we can afford to have a break from this one-horse town!”
“Yes, there is a reason why I had to cancel the upper class tax cut,” said the Mayor. “It’s because at the state Ponyville is in… We can no longer afford to uphold that tradition.”
“What do you mean, the state Ponyville is in?” said Rarity.
“Well… the truth is… the town is losing money, in fact we’re almost out of bits!” said Mayor Mare with a fragile and sorrowful voice. “As you can see, everything is falling apart, the lack of resources, the power failures, the lack of repairs or basic functions such as taking out garbage at certain streets. It’s all because Ponyville is sinking in debt, so much that we have to cancel the Summer Star festival this year,” said Mayor Mare with a disgruntled sigh.
Everypony gasped. The Summer Star festival was the town’s proudest tradition and it was going to be cancelled… “Wait, the Summer Star festival is going to be cancelled?” said Scootaloo sadly. She was already on edge about her wings and now news like this is rearing its head.
“Yes Scootaloo, the town can’t afford to set up the rides or pay for the cost of the booths. We’ve lost too much money for that to be possible.”
“What do you mean, we’ve lost money?!” said Octavia. “Where are our tax bits going?!”
“I’m going to be blunt with you, the bits you use to pay your taxes support repairs to businesses, homes and other establishments, there is so much chaos and property damage that the repair ponies can’t even keep up anymore, so much destruction and setbacks occur because of a select group of ponies and the town just can’t afford to pick up the pieces of the latest disaster,” said Mayor Mare.
“Property Damage? But where is it coming from?” said Cheerilee with a confused tone, but even though she was confused she still had a pretty good idea of where at least some of this alleged “property damage” was coming from, she was trying desperately not to look at the three fillies sitting across from her to her right but she caught just a glimpse of Sweetie Belle as her question escaped her lips.
“I hate to point hooves but over half of our debts, half of our property damages, and half of our situation can be blamed on just nine ponies,” said the Mayor.
“Just nine ponies?!” said Bonbon with a gasp of shock. “How can nine ponies cause so much destruction?! And… who are they?”
“Well, six of them are our very own Elements of Harmony,” she said as she pointed to the three rows of seats where the Mane 6 were seated. “Apple Jack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle.”
“US?!” said Apple Jack incredulously. “But we save the town! Sometimes crazy stuff happens to us. We get into some tussles, but ya’ll are telling us that we’re destroying this fair town?!” said the distraught Apple farmer.
“Yes, you save the town but you destroy things while doing so, and your adventures do a lot of damage! In fact many ponies were in danger of being killed!” said the Mayor. “Basically most of your damage doesn’t even come from your adventures or your heroics, it comes from the six of you being really really stupid!” said the Mayor who was failing at keeping her frustrations in line.
“What?! I’m not stupid!” said Pinkie Pie.
“Yes you are!” said the Mayor who wasn’t even trying to hide her fury at the pink mare who was wrecking her fair city. “You are the stupidest pony in the entire town! You don’t do the most damage to the town out of the nine ponies but you do it the most frequently! In fact, you should be lucky that I haven’t run you out of town on a rail!” she said to the pink mare who was both angry and saddened to hear such words from the Mayor. “I know that everypony likes you and I don’t want to be a bully but you do so much damage to the town that I can’t like you! In fact I take out all of my aggressions on this!” she said as she pulled out a doll that resembled Pinkie Pie, it was ratty and covered with pins, in fact there was a particularly large one jutting out from the doll’s left eye.
“Our Friendship Doll!” said Pinkie Pie who was dangerously close to crying. She made that for the Mayor as a gift and here she was sticking it full of pins and pretending that it was really her. “How could you?! Why me?!” she said, genuinely confused at where the Mayor’s feelings were coming from.
“Pinkie Pie, you cause 85,000 bits worth of damage every year, and you do so much stupid and brainless activities that I can’t even fathom how you thought that any of the asinine concepts in your head were good ideas,” said Mayor Mare.
“Look, I’m really really sorry for what I do to the town and all but… I’m not stupid! Right girls?!” she said desperately to her friends who were sitting all around her.
The other five elements of harmony as well as Spike fidgeted nervously and were mumbling things indistinctly as they tried to voice their thoughts in a way that wouldn’t hurt Pinkie’s feelings.
“Well, what are you waiting for? I’m not stupid… right…?” said Pinkie Pie.
“Well… uh… you see… hmmm… erm… stupid is… um…” said Twilight.
“You’re not… er… completely… stupid,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Er… Maybe… just a teensy bit?” said Fluttershy.
“Well... you’re not smart… per se…” said Rarity.
“Uhhh… Everypony’s… a little stupid… sometimes…” said Spike.
Pinkie Pie couldn’t believe what she was hearing from her so called friends. She turned to the one pony who wouldn’t dress up her opinion to satisfy her. “Apple Jack be honest with me! Do you think that I’m stupid?!” Pinkie Pie said meekly.
“Are you sure you want my opinion?” said Apple Jack with a voice that had a dryness and flatness that reminded Pinkie of Maud.
“Yes! Yes! Just tell me the truth! I can take it!” said the pink mare who was seriously freaked out.
“Alrighty then!” said Apple Jack with a cheerful smile but that smile turned into a dissatisfied frown as she immediately said, “Pinkie you’re a damn fool. You’re really sweet, your optimism is much appreciated and we know you mean well and we all like that about you but you’re a damn fool.”
Pinkie Pie’s jaw hung open, she knew that Apple Jack wouldn’t lie like that about her. “Oh… I see…” said Pinkie Pie with a dejected groan, mortified that everypony around her, even her closest friends thought of her as a quote-unquote “damn fool”.
“The rest of you aren’t any better!” said Mayor Mare with a sigh. “Rarity, you cost Ponyville 32,000 bits per year!”
“32,000 bits!” said the irate unicorn who couldn’t believe her own ears. “That’s an outrageous sum! How on Faust’s green Equestria is that even possible?! I’ll have you know that I am a civilized businessmare who wouldn’t even dream of engaging in such wonton tomfoalery!” said Rarity who was engaging in yet another one of her trademark fits.
“Well the numbers speak for themselves, and to be fair, out of the nine ponies, only one of them causes less damage to Ponyville than you do. But... you still cause quite a lot of property damage, especially when you get into your little… fights,” said Mayor Mare.
“Oh come on, me? Get into a fight?” Rarity chuckled. “Not to be rude and all darling but that sounds like something that’s more up Rainbow Dash’s or Apple Jack’s alleys… No offense,” said Rarity as she turned to the two mares she just talked about.
“None taken,” said Apple Jack dryly.
“Sounds like something I would do,” said Rainbow Dash as she shrugged.
“I’m just saying that I am much too ladylike to get into fights with anypony, I would never dirty my hooves by fighting… the very idea,” Rarity chuckled to herself again as the thought got into her brain.
“Uh… Rarity…” said Sweetie Belle hesitantly.
“Yes Sister?” said Rarity.
“You actually… fight… quite a lot…” said Sweetie Belle who really didn’t want to be the one to open this can of worms but she had to let her sister know the truth. “Like that one time when I told you about when I was being bullied…”
-18 Days Ago-
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were sitting on their table at Sugarcube Corner and laughing as they reminisced about their day and how they had hurt the feelings of their latest prey.
“You really gave it to that blank flank today Diamond Tiara!” said Silver Spoon as she was giggling. “I never seen Sweetie Belle cry so hard.”
“I know! I wish I had my camera with me! I wanted to get that look on her face framed!” said Diamond Tiara gleefully as she laughed at the young unicorn’s misery, only taking a break from her laughter to take a swig from her vanilla shake. “Anyway…” she said with a malicious grin. “You’ll never guess how we’re going to mess with Scootaloo today...”
“How?! How?! Tell me! Tell me!” said Silver Spoon who was excited to be a part of Diamond Tiara’s latest sick joke.
“Well, we’re going to need a desk fan, a bicycle pump, a protractor, a dolphin costume and a…”
Her conversation was interrupted when a white hoof kicked the door to Sugarcube Corner off of its hinges and down to the floor with a resounding THWAM! As everypony in the establishment watched in horror as Rarity entered Sugar Cube Corner, she had a framing hammer hovering beside her, coated in her magic.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU DEAD MOTHER BUCKING PIECES OF S*** IS DIAMOND TIARA?!” said a very pissed off Rarity.
“Her…” said Sweetie Belle with a seething voice as she pointed to the filly who made her cry.
“So, I hear you like to make fun of fillies without cutie marks, is that right?! Well how about you have a little fun with me instead?!” said Rarity as she moved closer and closer to the two panicked fillies with every word she said.
“I think I hear my mom calling DT, I got to go!” said Silver Spoon as she fled from the table and out the door, she hid behind the frame, watching nervously at the psychopathic unicorn that had Diamond Tiara trapped.
“Uh, hey Sweetie Belle, you know I was joking right?” said Diamond Tiara as she was sweating nervously and staring at Rarity in a panic, the mare in front of her was staring daggers into her very soul and making her very scared for her life. “Right?” she said in a very panicked and cornered tone.
Sweetie Belle stared blankly at her bully, and then she smiled peacefully and serenely at her. Diamond Tiara felt the fear in her heart alleviating but then it came right back at full force when Sweetie Belle said to her sister two simple words.
“Kill her!”
“GLADLY!” she said as she cracked her hooves.
And with that Rarity leapt across the table and pounced on her sister’s tormentor.
The only thing that came out of Diamond Tiara’s mouth was a scream as Rarity started her attack.
-Eight Minutes Later-
“DT?!” said Silver Spoon as she tapped the flank of her best friend, her head was shoved into the establishment’s jukebox, the rest of her body was covered in nasty bruises and small cuts while the restaurant was in tatters.
“DT?! DT?!! Wake up! This isn’t funny! Wake up!” said Silver Spoon as she tried to rouse her friend from her state of unconsciousness.
She turned to Sweetie Belle and Rarity and then to Silver Spoon’s horror, Sweetie Belle was pointing a hoof at her as well.
“Kill her too!” said Sweetie Belle who was smiling an evil smile.
“No, please no…” said Silver Spoon as she backed away from Rarity slowly… “Somepony! Anypony! Help?! Help! Somepony Help! Please Somepony Hel- Gyaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!” she screamed as Rarity leapt towards her with the intent to kill.
-Eight More Minutes Later-
“Pick on my sister will you!” said Rarity who was standing triumphant over Silver Spoon, whose head was shoved inside of Pinkie’s discoball. “Honestly, you two are stupider than Pinkie Pie!” Rarity then turned to her sister and gave Sweetie Belle a hug. “Well, now that that unsightly affair is over with, do you want to get some ice cream?!”
“Would I!” said Sweetie Belle as they turned and left the destroyed restaurant that is Sugarcube Corner as the two bullies lay bleeding and injured on the floor.
“Well… to be perfectly fair, it wasn’t really a fight… in a conventional sense, I would prefer to call it…ehh… payback for unsightly transgressions,” said Rarity who felt really ashamed of herself for letting her emotions take over and ruining her town’s economy. But on the other hoof it was still satisfying to get revenge on those that hurt her friends or her dearest sister. In fact she has the picture of Diamond Tiara with her head stuck in the jukebox framed for her and Sweetie Belle to laugh at whenever the filly gets Sweetie Belle down.
“Well fights, or transgressions or whatever you want to call it, it still costs Ponyville money! You can’t just shove other ponies' heads into things! Even if they do deserve it!” said Mayor Mare. “If you want to fight that badly than please at least do it outside!”
“I understand and I’ll take it into consideration,” said Rarity who was heavily embarrassed at herself for what she’s done.
“Um, how much… damage… do I do to Ponyville… exactly?” said the meek voice of Fluttershy, who just wanted to get her chewing out over with. “Because I just want to say sorry, I’m sorry I ruined Ponyville for everypony!” she said as she started to cry.
“Uh… Fluttershy…” said Mayor Mare.
“I don’t know why this is happening but I’m racking up Ponyville’s debt I deserve to be yelled at I never meant to hurt anypony I’m so sorry and I got the summer festival cancelled and I love going there and seeing the petting zoo oh Celestia I won’t get to see those cute marmosets this year Oh Noooooooo!” said the guilty Pegasus mare in her teariest and fastest voice.
“It’s 94,000 bits per year,” said Mayor Mare.
“Eep!” said Fluttershy. “That’s… hey wait… How am I worse than Pinkie Pie? She’s the one who makes the stupid decisions!”
“Oh come on!” said Pinkie Pie with a defeated tone of voice from having her intelligence insulted from Fluttershy the so called element of Kindness.
“Well, your incidents happen the least often, actually unlike your friends I get incident reports about you far less than somepony like say… Rainbow Dash, but when you do cause problems they’re devastating,” said Mayor Mare. “Fluttershy do you remember when you went on an emotional meltdown when you got self-help and the other time when you sent a bunch of parasprites on a rampage?”
“I see… that makes sense…” said the custard coloured mare with a sigh.
“Also you are responsible for all of Ponyville’s animal attacks. Sorry to bring this up so soon but do you remember that walk you took with your newest pet?”
“Oh… yeah… I would like to forget that but… I do remember…” said Fluttershy sadly.
-3 Days Ago-
Fluttershy was taking a walk with a large group of her animal friends as usual when she came across her good friend Rainbow Dash.
“Hey Fluttershy!” said Rainbow Dash with a smile as she walked by Fluttershy. She looked at Fluttershy smiling and then her expression morphed into a face of disgust and shock when she laid eyes on an animal that she had previously never seen before. “Uh… Flut…ter…shy… Wh-wh-wh-what is… that?
“Oh, you mean Snuggles?” said Fluttershy, as she gestured to her newest companion in her animal entourage. “I’m not exactly sure, I found him in the Everfree forest one day next to some strange metal container, Pinkie Pie calls it a “Xenomorph” whatever that means,” said Fluttershy, gesturing to her new friend.
Snuggles was unlike anything Rainbow Dash had ever seen, it had a black body, a large eyeless head that curved backwards at the back, a svelte and gaunt body, with tubes coming out of its back. Its arms and legs were dark and spindly with sharp claws, it had a large tail that ended in a razor sharp point and it seemed to crawl upon the ground, It was at least twice as big as Fluttershy was and its mouth was filled with pointed teeth, saliva was dripping through its mouth and onto the ground. No matter how she looked at Snuggles, all she could see was a disgusting monster.
“Are you sure… that that… thing… is safe? That thing looks pretty dangerous,” said Rainbow Dash who had the instinct to fly away as fast as possible.
“Rainbow Dash!” said an insulted Fluttershy. “Snuggles is not a thing, he’s just another creature in the world that just wants to be loved and appreciated. I don’t call my friends things and neither should you!”
“Uh… Fluttershy…” said Rainbow Dash as she noticed something behind her friend.
“Don’t Fluttershy me! Snuggles is a gentle giant who would never hurt a fly!”
“Fluttershy…” said Rainbow Dash impatiently.
“And another thing! Snuggles never did anything to anypony! Snuggles is completely and 100% harmless!” said the flustered mare.
“FLUTTERSHY LOOK BEHIND YOU!” said Rainbow Dash.
Snuggles stuck out it’s tongue, which contained a grotesque second mouth that gnashed and bit at everything around him, as he suddenly snared one of Fluttershy’s badgers and shoved it headfirst into its mouth and swallowed it whole. Fluttershy’s other animals panicked upon seeing that and fled in all directions away from the monster that had killed the badger that they were sharing their walk with.
“Badgerton!” wailed Fluttershy in disbelief, she knew that some of her animals were predators but she never saw one eat a living thing firsthand.
“I told you that thing is dangerous!” said Rainbow as she flew to get out of range of the alien lifeform that had killed Badgerton.
Fluttershy joined Rainbow Dash in the sky as she saw Snuggles chasing ponies up and down the street while her animals were causing their own chaos amidst the confusion.
“Snuggles how could you?! I loved you!” said Fluttershy as she buried her face in Rainbow’s chest and wept.
Lyra Heartstrings looked outside her window and saw the monster pursuing two unicorns down the boulevard. She got a good look at the creature that was chasing them and then her eyes perked up immediately as she said “Finally!”
Lyra emerged from her house levitating a shotgun with her magic, she turned to Snuggles and said “Die monster! Your precious hands will be mine!” She laughed with delight as she fired, striking Snuggles in the leg and sending it crumpling to the ground. “Hands! Hands! Hands!” chanted Lyra obsessively as she fired again and again, Snuggles took three of Lyra’s shells to the chest, and he swiftly fell to the ground.
Struggling to get up, Snuggles tried to get away from Lyra, but it was in too much pain to move far. It took a stumbling step and then collapsed again, Lyra put her hoof on its shoulder and pressed the barrel of her shotgun to Snuggles’ forehead.
“I just want your hands, I don’t need the rest of you…” said Lyra as she fired her gun for the last time, making Snuggles’ brains and its upper jaw burst into a yellow paste.
Lyra laughed in delight but then her joy turned into horror as the monster’s lifeless body was starting to dissolve right before her eyes.
“What?… No!… Stop!” said a desperate Lyra as the remains of Snuggles were decaying rapidly, it’s hands were melting right in front of her and she witnessed her dream and the hands dissolving into a yellow foul-smelling liquid before even the liquid soaked into the ground and dissipated into nothing.
Lyra started to cry like a filly at the sight that she had just witnessed, “NOOOOOOO!!!!! My hands! They were right there! Waaahhhh! They were so beautiful!” she sobbed as she wept into the dirt where Snuggles used to be.
Fluttershy was also crying having witnessed the whole horrific affair, this was the first time that she had ever seen an animal die before her eyes. She wept into Rainbow’s coat while the rest of her animals were frantically running all over the town and causing mayhem all around her.
“I learned my lesson…” said Fluttershy. “I’ll never take in an animal I can’t identify again and if I do encounter something I’ve never seen before, I’ll try to learn about it as much as possible before I approach it. I think it’s what… Badgerton… would have wanted,” said Fluttershy as she choked with grief on those last four words. Pinkie Pie slung her hoof around Fluttershy’s shoulder and offered herself for Fluttershy to lean on.
“I’m so sorry to make you recall that Fluttershy,” said Mayor Mare. “This is a minor issue but we also had to get a few of our carpets replaced because your animals leave “presents” on our carpets. Please don’t take animals that aren’t housebroken with you on your outings,” said the Mayor.
“O-okay,” said Fluttershy.
“Now let’s talk about Apple Jack…" said the Mayor.
“Well, I guess it’s my turn," said Apple Jack. (Please let my debt be less than Rarity’s) She thought to herself in her head.
“Apple Jack you cause…” started the Mayor.
“Yes?” said Apple Jack with anticipation.
“…49,000 bits of damage per year,” said the Mayor.
“Consarn it! I thought that I had the lowest debt but I guess that honour goes to Twilight,” said the frustrated Apple Farmer.
“Hey! She hasn’t said mine yet! I could have the lowest debt, right?!” said Rainbow Dash.
Everypony stared at her with expressions that said “You can’t be serious right?” even Scootaloo found those words to be completely ridiculous.
“No, Apple Jack is right, Twilight does cause the least amount of damage out of the nine ponies. Of the Elements of Harmony, you cause the most damage of all. In fact I said earlier that I deal with your messes quite often,” said Mayor Mare.
Rainbow Dash slumped back in her chair and mumbled “Buck my life!”
“We’ll talk about Rainbow Dash a little later, the point is Apple Jack. Do you know how you cost this town money?” said Mayor Mare.
“I can’t for the life of me think of a single thing,” said Apple Jack.
“Well, let me remind you!” said the disgruntled mayor who was getting rather tired of everypony she was talking to being either unrepentant or ignorant of their hazardous ways of life.
“You never turn down a challenge, you constantly play your stubborn and prideful games and it always ends in disaster!”
“Hey! Never backing down is a sign of strength where I come from!” said Apple Jack. “And I’m just having a slice of fun… how in the hay does that cost anypony money?” she asked snidely.
“Hey not to burst your bubble Apple Jack but I wouldn’t call what happened at the concert to be a slice of fun!” said Rarity.
“What concert?” said Apple Bloom who couldn’t even imagine her sister going to one of those, unless it was a Marey Underwood show.
“Rarity! Ix-nay in front of Apple oom-Blay!” she violently whispered. “You said you wouldn’t tell anypony!”
“Well that was before my reputation was dragged across the mud, if Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and myself have to fall and considering how Mayor Mare is going to dredge up Rainbow Dash’s and Twilight’s misfortunes later on as well as three other ponies on top of that… I think it’s only fair that you get your own slice of humble pie!”
“I’m all for humble pie! I love me some humble pie every once in a while! It teaches some good life lessons!” said Apple Jack in a fever pitch, “But can you please tell any other story?!”
“No, I think this one sums up all of your problems quite nicely,” said Rarity.
Apple Jack fell silent and buried her face in her Stetson.
“Well you see, it all began on that dreadful night almost 3 weeks ago… We were asked to be guest judges in this music contest at the theatre for whatever reason,” said the white unicorn as she began her tale.
-20 days ago-
“Oh, my lawdy, this is the most boring thing I have ever done!” said Apple Jack in outrage as she listened to the strange and confusing music coming from the speakers “Rarity, what do you even call this tripe!”
Rarity sighed before she said, “It’s called alternative darling, they use a variety of interesting sound effects to boost the rhythm of the song, they can use it for a wide variety of genres!” said the unicorn as she bobbed her head slightly to the music.
“Well, I think it sounds bucking stupid!” said Apple Jack.
“You think everything is stupid!” said Rarity as she facehooved.
“Ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black!” said Apple Jack.
The song was wrapping up and the judges had to give their verdicts.
“I think that song was most excellent!” said Rarity as she held up a scorecard that said 9. “Well done!”
“That was a tubular beat!” said Vinyl as she held up an 8.
Apple Jack gave a less than stellar verdict, holding up a 2. “That song was garbage, your sound is garbage, and you should be ashamed of yourself,” she said to the band who looked at her like she just slapped them in the face with a rubber spatula.
“Well,” said the announcer “There you have it, let’s meet our next contestants on A-Mare-ican Idol!” he said with a smile.
The band exited the stage with an indignant huff as the next band took the stage. The prissy techno band was replaced by a gothic all-Pegasus band.
“Graceful Celestia, just what we need, this band looks like a bunch of goshdarn vampire bats!” said an unimpressed Apple Jack.
“Hey… we’re the Silent Stars," said a chalk white Pegasus stallion with a tribal tattoo on his left hoof. “This song is called Saturn Unleashed. I hope all of you have a great time".
The Silent Stars played their instruments for about less than 90 seconds but those 90 seconds were dazzling, their composition and lyrics were well done. Their song was a dark song but a hopeful one as well. One thing Rarity knew was that the song was sure to get a 10 from her. The song would have gone on longer if a certain Earth Pony didn’t interfere…
“What the hay is that?! Ya’ll call that music? I heard an animal make those noises once and then we flipped it over and the varmint was dead!” said Apple Jack as rudely as she could muster.
“Hey man, that song is a gateway to my soul! I have slaved and perfected my craft to bring smiles and joy to this beautiful audience,” said the lead singer.
“Yeah, the song represents a light in the darkness, we trained tirelessly for this night!” said a pegasus mare who was on the bass.
“Well, all I got out of that was darkness!” said Apple Jack, “Your light must have gone missing! Do ya’ll have any other songs?!”
“Well, we have “Mars Awakens,” it’s a song about frailty”.
“Then play that one!” said Apple Jack.
“One! Two! Three! Four!” said the band as they began playing, the instruments were blaring, playing a smooth and melancholic rhythm that cascaded warmly through Rarity’s ears, every note felt just right and enveloped her in relaxation and comfort, it was another solid piece but the song hadn’t even gotten 12 seconds in before the world’s most stubborn farmer interrupted the Silent Stars once more.
“Stop, stop, stop!” said Apple Jack condescendingly.
“Oh for the love of… what it is now?” said the lead singer of the band to the apple farmer that had interrupted his performance yet again.
“That was even worse than that last song, at least like… a hundred times worse, I heard better singing from Timber Wolves!”
“Are you serious?” asked the lead singer. “We haven’t even sang the lyrics yet!” he said. “How can you possibly make that comparison?”
“That song was bucking nasty, it stank worse than Granny’s Hoof Fungus, I bet any other band could play a better tune if they were blindfolded!” said Apple Jack rather rudely. “Actually you know what? My little sister’s performance in the talent show a couple years back was better than this tripe!”
“Apple Jack, cease and desist!” said Rarity scathingly.
“Yeah man, this band’s pretty cool! You haven’t made a legitimate complaint once this whole contest!” said Vinyl.
“And I suppose you can do better?” said the lead singer to Apple Jack.
“Watch me!” said the brash earth pony.
“Apple Jack this isn’t a good idea, please don’t do this!” said Rarity.
“Rares, I got this,” she said as she took the stage.
“Now who wants to hear some real music!” said Apple Jack with a devilish grin.
“What followed was the WORST… POSSIBLE… PERFORMANCE… EVER! With awful lyrics and the worst guitar playing that has ever graced my eardrums!” said Rarity spitefully. “Not content with making a fool of herself, she had to burn everything to the ground and leave the contest without a winner!”
“I didn’t burn everything to the ground!” said Apple Jack.
“You set the guitar on fire and slammed it into the stage, you set the stage on fire… it burned down… that’s what fire does… to this day I still don’t know what you were trying to do!” said Rarity.
“It’s called a big finish! Nopony complained when Whinny Hendrix burned his guitar onstage!” said Apple Jack.
“Whinny Hendrix is a professional with a talented backstage crew to assist him in his stage show! You are a country farmer!” said Rarity.
“It was a better performance than those namby-pamby vampire bats! I’m going to stick with that belief until the day I die!” said Apple Jack smugly.
“Can it please be my turn now?” said Rainbow Dash who knew that this argument between AJ and Rarity could last all day if it went uninterrupted.
“Well I was going to save you for last but if you really want to well then that’s fine by me,” said Mayor Mare. “Rainbow Dash, out of all the mares in town, you cause the most damage of all, in fact you’re the only mare with a six-digit debt.”
“Six-Digits?” said Rainbow Dash with a look of surprise, she knew that her debt was high but she didn’t expect to cause over a hundred thousand bits worth of property damage and collateral to her town, she loved her town wholeheartedly.
“139,000 bits of damage, every year… I think that speaks for itself…” said the Mayor.
“How!?” said Rainbow Dash.
“I’m actually disappointed Rainbow Dash, you can’t even rack up debt in an interesting way… all of your mishaps have one thing in common, they all happen because you crash into buildings and break walls, windows, roofs, doors and chimneys, that’s it.”
“That’s it!?” said Rainbow Dash with a disbelieving expression, she couldn’t comprehend this, there had to be more to her destruction than just crashing into buildings.
“Yes, that’s it. I don’t even have an interesting story to share with the town about your escapades, it’s just you crashing into buildings, whether it be accidental, or you weren’t careful or you were distracted by something or you pushed yourself too hard or you lost control, there are many reasons why you crash into buildings but that’s all you do,” said Mayor Mare. "Actually... Does anypony have an interesting story about Rainbow Dash?" she said to the crowd. "It's just that the others had their own story and it would feel weird if Rainbow Dash was the only one who didn't get one."
"Hey I didn't get one!" said Pinkie Pie.
"Who the buck cares?" said Mayor Mare, to the disgruntled Earth Pony. "Anypony? Does anypony have a story about how Rainbow Dash destroys Ponyville?"
“I have an interesting story…” said a plump white unicorn stallion with thick glasses, a heavy goldenrod coloured mane, shaggy facial hair and a green sweatervest.
"Excellent!" said Mayor Mare to the unicorn. "Please by all means, tell your interesting story!"
“Who are you?!” said Rainbow Dash.
“My name is Archie Bald, I create fancy hairpieces for the town,” said the Unicorn. “I have a story about how serious your reckless antics are and how much I actively despise you for everything that you put this beautiful city through,” said the Unicorn, his very aura was resonating with fierce scorn and disgust. “By the way, this happened yesterday!” said Archie Bald with a tone of anger.
“But what did I do?!” said Rainbow Dash, who had forgotten what happened already.
“Well, late last afternoon…”
-Yesterday-
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville’s cathedral as two ponies were about to get married. The bride was Aria (no relation to Aria Blaze), daughter of Archie Bald and the groom was Verismo, her childhood friend of 17 years. They were about to be joined in union. Archie Bald could hardly contain his excitement as he saw his daughter about to walk down the aisle, the flower fillies were spreading beautiful petals around as the bride was making her way to the altar. Aria was ready for this day, all her life she wanted to be married to a special somepony that loved her and cherished her and now the day had finally come, with every step, her heart beat faster and faster. She made her way down the aisle and managed to see her future husband standing there, a smile on his face as he lifted his bride’s veil to see Aria’s own smile.
Archie Bald was fighting back tears of joy as the two ponies exchanged their vows together, he remembered when he held Aria’s bottle… And look at her now! He thought to himself, this was truly a memorable day that he would never forget, as a father he could never be more proud of his daughter than on this magical day.
“Do you Aria, take this stallion to be your lawfully wedded husband?” said the Priest.
“I do,” said Aria as her face flushed with joy.
“And do you Verismo, take this mare to be your lawfully wedded wife?” said the Priest.
“There is nothing I want more!” said the proud stallion.
“Then by the power vested in me by the Nation of Equestria I pronounce you two husband and wife,” said the Priest, who always felt satisfaction at grating his fellow ponies such blessings. “You may now kiss the bride!”
Everypony cheered with joy at the union of the two newly weds and right when Verismo’s lips were about to connect with Aria’s, everypony heard what sounded like a faint scream echoing in the distance. Suddenly the noise started to get louder and louder until they saw a blue shape about to collide with the large stained glass window.
Verismo was quick enough to pull his wife out of danger as Rainbow Dash slammed back first into the stained glass window, breaking through it with a loud KA-TEESH! As shards of glass fell over the altar and sprayed all over the back corners of the room, everypony fell silent as Rainbow Dash fell through the window. Rainbow screamed in fear as she hit the ground and tumbled backwards down the aisle, she seemed to be clutching something in her hooves as she tumbled and rolled, finally coming to a stop when she collided with the fancy wedding cake, sending it splattering into a giant mess with Rainbow sprawled out on it, panting and gasping in shock. Her hooves unfurled to reveal Scootaloo clutched to her chest as the Pegasus filly was shaking and panting in shock over still being alive. She seemed to have some sort of contraption attached to her back. It looked like a miniature glider in the shape of a pair of Pegasus wings.
Scootaloo stumbled a little bit while Rainbow Dash lay exhausted and motionless on the remnants of the cake. Scootaloo angrily removed the glider from her back and said with a resounding fury… “This thing is a piece of crap! It doesn’t work! This stupid thing almost got me killed!” she said as she threw it to the ground and proceeded to viciously stomp on it. It was Hasbrony’s Training glider, a tool that Pegasus fillies who can’t fly can use to simulate the sensation of Gliding so that they can get used to the feeling when their wings develop.
The crowd just stared vacantly at the Pegasus filly who was stomping on a children’s toy like it was some sort of insect. She then relented and turned to find her idol who was still sprawled out on the cake. “Rainbow Dash! Are you okay?!”
“Uhhhhhhh……” said Rainbow Dash.
“Rainbow Dash?” said Scootaloo timidly.
Rainbow Dash groaned, tried to get up but only stumbled and hit the floor again.
“Rainbow Dash, get up!” said Scootaloo frantically. “Please! I don’t want you to be hurt because of me!”
Rainbow Dash still didn’t get up.
“Darn it!” She said as she went back to the glider to kick it again, it flew particularly far and it hit Aria in the face, making her fall back but luckily Verismo caught her just before she hit the ground. “If that stupid thing worked, than I wouldn’t have fell, you were just trying to protect me! Please wake up!” said Scootaloo.
“Uhhhhhhhhhh…….” said Rainbow as she groaned again.
“Rainbow Dash, wake up! Speak to me!” said a panicked Scootaloo.
Rainbow Dash got up in a daze, with frosting and fondant on her back, wings and flank as she looked around at the wedding that she and the Training Glider has ruined.
She turned to Scootaloo and said, “You threw a party for me? Aw… you shouldn’t have…” she said in a slurred voice as she fell down again, completely out cold.
“Help! Somepony call a doctor!” said Scootaloo to the shocked crowd.
Rainbow Dash was completely and utterly shocked at what she was hearing. That couldn’t be true… she thought to herself… that has to be some mistake… she wanted to say but she did remember seeing stained glass right before she hit the ground that day. So she knew that the story was true. So she knew she couldn’t run from it…
“Wow… I… I’m so sorry… I had no idea… I mean… I was just trying to catch Scootaloo, she was falling so fast, when I caught her I couldn’t stop the force, it sent me diving along with her. I… Holy Buck…” she said as she stared agape… Rainbow Dash had done some stupid things but ruining somepony’s wedding was not something that could easily be forgiven.
“That’s not even the worst part, my daughter and my son-in-law had to pay the damages, they can’t afford to go on the honeymoon that they planned,” said the old unicorn sadly.
“That’s terrible, I’ll… I’ll send them a check or something,” said Rainbow who had never felt more ashamed of herself.
“If it makes you feel any better, it was my fault too. I followed all of the instructions on that piece of junk and I still fell, I ruined your daughter’s wedding too,” said Scootaloo who was as dejected as Rainbow. “All because of that stupid glider!”
“Well, it warms my heart to see you take responsibility for your actions,” said Archie Bald.
“Listen old timer… I’ll make it up to her somehow! I swear it!” said Rainbow Dash.
“That would be lovely,” said Archie Bald whose anger from earlier had dissipated significantly. “But the meeting is still going on so let’s discuss what can be done later.”
“I promise I’ll be more careful when I fly, and not just to you Mr. Bald but to everypony in town… I’ll make this right!” said Rainbow Dash who was practically crying at this point.
“Thank you for that, but I have to talk about the last pony, Twilight Sparkle,” said Mayor Mare.
“Here we go…” said Twilight with an annoyed tone as she put her hoof to her face.
“Compared to the rest of your friends you’re a model citizen, only causing 1,000 bits worth of damage a year.”
“Only a thousand bits?!” said Twilight who couldn’t believe what she was hearing but for a different reason than her friends. “It’s just that after hearing about how the others are causing so much damage, I thought that I would do a lot more damage to Ponyville.”
“No, not really. You’re the smart one, you have a level head and you don’t really cause that many problems. Sure there was that time with the whole “Want It-Need It” incident but other than that like Rainbow Dash you only cause damage through one method,” said the Mayor.
“What method is that?” said Twilight.
“Well, when you are frustrated with somepony, you bang your head against things, and you have cracked or ruined quite a few of our tables,” said Mayor Mare.
“First off, I never bang my head against things, that’s dangerous to the brain! Secondly, even if I did bang my head against things, I don’t do it that much! Right?!” said Twilight.
Mayor Mare was getting pretty damn tired of this same song and dance. “You bang your head against things all the time. The stupid friend you hang out with usually sets it off but your other friends also irritate you with their own antics, which causes you to bang your head against the table, it’s a detrimental reflex to mental straining and you do it to force out your annoyance by replacing it with pain.”
“Can everypony just stop calling me stupid already?!” said a very outraged Pinkie Pie to everypony in the room but everypony ignored her at the drop of a hat.
Twilight thought about it… it sounded like something that would make sense for her to do… so she asked around. “Um, is what she’s saying true?”
“Of course it’s true!” said Spike. “You bang your head almost all the time. I’m surprised the constant banging hasn’t turned your forehead into a gross mushy paste,” said Twilight’s favourite dragon.
“Eww…” said Twilight at the thought of her mushy and pasty forehead.
“I know right? I can’t even look at you when you do it anymore, you hit your head so hard… so hard that it could’ve…” said Spike, about to say another gross thing for emphasis purposes.
“Yeah, Thanks Spike, I think I get it…” said Twilight who was quick to cut him off.
“Anyway Twilight, I need you to be more careful…” said Mayor Mare. “You really shouldn’t let the idiocy of Pinkie Pie get you down so much, you bang your head into tables so much, that you sent the table maker into a depression.”
“For the love of Celestia! Stop calling me stupid! If I wanted to be called an idiot by everypony at every turn, then I would have just stayed at the rock farm!” said Pinkie Pie, who was this close to going completely mad. She was swiftly ignored once again.
“Did I really send somepony else into a depression?!” said Twilight in disbelief.
“Yes you did, Hello everypony, my name is Wood Chips,” said a tan stallion with a dark green mane. “I used to love making tables for our fair community but thanks to our so-called princess I can’t find any pleasure in my work,” said the depressed stallion with his head hung low.
“But, even if I do break the town’s tables, why are you so upset about this? If anything you’re getting more business!” said Twilight.
“It’s not about the business!” said an irate Wood Chips. “I don’t make tables just for money, I’m not as shallow as you! I make tables because I love my craft! I put my heart and soul into my work and you destroyed all the passion that I have for what I do!” said Wood Chips with a sigh.
“I have made so many replacement tables, that now when I work on a new table I ask myself… “What’s the point? Princess Twilight’s going to break it anyway!” said Wood Chips. “How do you expect me to create, when I know that my hard work will ultimately be destroyed by a nutjob who uses my tables to harden her head?!” and as Wood Chips said this he started to cry.
“A cinnamon coloured plump Earth mare slung her hoof around his shoulder to comfort him, it was Chocolate Chips. Wood Chips’ faithful wife. “My husband works so hard for this town and this is how Ponyville repays him. How dare you Twilight Sparkle! What gives you the right to trample all over poor Woody’s dreams?!” said Chocolate Chips as she started to tear up. “I hope you get a concussion, you filthy roach! For everything you put my husband through! You monster! You monster!” she raved madly at a horrified Twilight who couldn’t believe that there were ponies in this town who took tables that seriously.
“It’s okay dear…” said Wood Chips as he embraced his unhinged wife. “Let me tell you something, you may be a princess but I will never bow to you!” said Wood Chips to Twilight with utter disgust.
“Would you two like some air?!” said Mayor Mare who was a little unsettled at what she just saw.
“Yes, I think some air would be nice,” said Wood Chips as he led his wife outside.
“Mayor Mare, something needs to be done about this!” said Cheerilee. “While I do like the Elements of Harmony as fellow ponies, they can’t keep getting into these kinds of situations! I mean Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash are huge role models for young foals and their antics could potentially be leading them down dark roads! Something must be done for the children!”
“Actually…” started Mayor Mare. “The children are more responsible for this mess than you might think,” said Mayor Mare with a slightly prickly tone, “More than a quarter of the town’s annual debts can be traced back to three fillies.”
“Boy, I’d sure hate to be those fillies right now,” said Scootaloo.
“The so called Cutie Mark Crusaders, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle cost this town an average of… 550,000 bits every year."
Cheerilee softly bit her lower lip in shame, she cursed herself for providing Mayor Mare the segue she needed to discuss the town’s problem children and she felt like a failure as a teacher because with the announcement about the Crusaders, she knew that her fears were right.
“WHAT?!” said everypony in the room.
The three crusaders said nothing, their mouths were hung open, completely agape, apparently the three of them rack up more debts and property damage than their sisters and the other three elements of harmony combined.
“How?!” said Sweetie Belle, “How could we cause so much chaos?! We’re just fillies! We break some things but it’s not that bad, right?!”
“Sweetie Belle, you cause over 145,000 bits worth of damage every year,” said Mayor Mare.
“145,000 bits?!” said Rarity, struggling to comprehend how her own sister was more hazardous to Ponyville than Rainbow Dash was. She wasn’t sure if she should be angry at Sweetie Belle for causing so much damage or to feel angry at herself for letting this happen without her knowledge.
“What could I have possibly done?!” said Sweetie Belle.
“What about six weeks ago when you started that fire?” said Scootaloo.
“How many times are you going to make me apologise for that before you’re satisfied?!” said Sweetie Belle with an expression of rage.
-6 weeks ago-
“Okay that should be the last of it!” said Sweetie Belle with a chipper smile as she put the last of the explosives in the pile.
“So… remind me again how this is supposed to work?” said Apple Bloom as she laid down several sticks of dynamite in the pile of explosive material.
“Well, in that action movie I saw on Neighflix, the good guys got to escape from a slow-motion explosion, and we’re going to get our cutie marks for special effects by making our own slow-motion explosion!” said the unicorn with an excited grin.
“Uh, I hate to be “That filly” but how is the explosion going to be slow-motion exactly?” said Scootaloo as she was pouring gasoline all over the pile of bombs, dynamite, firecrackers and fireworks that the Crusaders have put together.
“I’m glad you asked Scootaloo!” said Sweetie Belle, “You see, I figured out that explosions move slowly when a camera is in front of them,” said Sweetie Belle as she gestured to the Tripod with a video camera recording them putting more flammable materials onto their incredibly dangerous pile. “It’s called “Movie Magic”, it makes the explosion move so slowly that it couldn’t possibly catch anypony in the blast.”
“I don’t really think that’s how movie magic works,” said Scootaloo. “Usually I’m on board with dangerous stuff but even for me this seems like a really stupid idea.”
“Nonsense! This is proven science! Everypony knows that fire has a serious case of stage fright when a camera is pointed at it, and because an explosion is essentially a huge fireball, it gets skittish and doesn’t move fast, or that’s what Rarity told me when I asked how the slow motion works,” said Sweetie Belle as she made a seven foot trail of gasoline leading up to the pile.
“So just to recap, we light the match, we walk away as slowly as possible from the slow-motion explosion and we get our cutie marks for making amazing special effects!” said Sweetie Belle.
“I don’t know if this will work,” said Apple Bloom with a worried expression on her face. “I really think that this is a bad idea.”
“Did I complain when you suggested we get our Cutie Marks for vigilantism?” said Sweetie Belle to Apple Bloom.
“Yes, you complained profusely, we were taken hostage, and you spent the whole time we were kidnapped saying, I told you so!” said Scootaloo.
“Trivialities!” said Sweetie Belle with an indignant look on her face as she struck the match, “See, I’m going to light the trail…” she said as she lit the trail, the flame was quickly reaching the pile as she said “And next we’re going to walk away slowly all awesome and then we’re finally going to get our Cu…”
That was as far as she got before the pile ignited (and extremely quickly at that) with a fierce “KER-THOOM!” sending the three fillies sprawling back, their bodies were heavily singed as they were laying on the ground, in a lot of pain as the fireworks lit and launched into the sky, where they quickly fell down to earth and blew up on other buildings, setting off a series of fires.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders lay there on the ground, their coats were black and singed from the soot and the flames and blood was coming out of their ears from being so close to an explosion of that magnitude. All they could hear was a loud ringing as the world around them seemed to violently shake.
“YOU ARE SUCH A BUCKING IDIOT!” said Scootaloo to Sweetie Belle.
“WHAT?!” said Sweetie Belle, who couldn’t hear.
“WHAT?!” said Scootaloo in response who also couldn’t hear.
“Malp! Zebembel Gleh?!” said Apple Bloom who was struggling to form coherent words from the loss of her hearing, she was trying to say “Did we get our cutie marks?”
“WHAT?!” said Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle who couldn’t hear that either even if it wasn’t gibberish.
“Honestly Sweetie Belle!” said Apple Bloom. “You’re lucky that Twilight perfected her healing spell at that exact moment because if she hadn’t we would have been deaf for life!” she said still sore about what happened. “I’ll tell you something, you’ll never catch me wrecking the town as badly as you do!”
“You’re right,” said Mayor Mare, Apple Bloom was smiling in pride until the Mayor said. “You’re actually worse, you cause 177,000 bits worth of damage a year.” said the Mayor to the horribly shaken young Earth Pony.
Apple Jack buried her face in her Stetson in shame, 177 grand could pay back the debt that she owed the Rich Family almost 4 and a half times over and here Apple Bloom was wasting that money on destroying Ponyville.
“I… I do that much damage?” said Apple Bloom who couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“That’s right, you and your friends do so much damage to the town just by trying to get your cutie marks. In fact all but few of your attempts often end with immense property damage, even the ones that couldn’t possibly be destructive when done by normal ponies,” said Mayor Mare. “And on top of that Apple Bloom, you in particular have access to Zecora’s potions which can make you much more likely to destroy things than Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo.”
“Well that’s true, but I can’t be that bad… right?” said Apple Bloom meekly.
“Well, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but remember what happened when you tested potions last month with Zecora?” said Apple Jack with a sad tone to her voice. “I know ya’ll didn’t mean to and I know it was an accident but I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen.”
-Last Month-
“Is Apple Bloom ever going to show up? She’s over an hour late!” said Scootaloo impatiently.
“I didn’t think that she would take this long to test Zecora’s potions!” said Sweetie Belle, “If I had known she was going to take this long than I would have scheduled our lunch later!”
“Yeah, I know she’ll get here soon and all but I’m starving! And furthermore…” Scootaloo stopped as a familiar scent overtook her nostrils, “Hey Sweetie Belle do you smell smoke?” said Scootaloo with a confused tone.
“Yeah I do… Is something burning?!” said Sweetie Belle whose voice was squeakier from her covering her nose.
“Oh, hey girls, there you are!” said Apple Bloom’s voice from behind the two fillies.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle turned around and gasped with horror at what they saw. Apple Bloom’s coat wasn’t yellow like it was, it was now a violent shade of red, with jagged and thin glowing orange lines crisscrossing her coat. Her red mane was now a bright yellow sizzling inferno of pure fire as well as her tail. Her eyes were different as well, her sclera were a sickening shade of black with white irises and red pupils, as she was trotting over to them, they could see her hooves scorching the grass with every step she took. Her bow was nowhere to be seen, it had probably burned to a crisp from sitting atop her flaming mane. As they finally got within range of her, they could see her smile filled with serrated jagged teeth. If it wasn’t for her voice, it would be almost impossible to recognize her as Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle stared in disbelief, they just had to ask about what the buck had just happened to their friend but unfortunately their curiosity and shock overshadowed their tact.
“Oh, Celestia, what the buck happened?!” said Scootaloo as she recoiled in terror.
“Apple Bloom, you look like a monster!” said Sweetie Belle as she awkwardly hid behind Scootaloo.
“Oh come on, it’s not that noticeable!” she said to Sweetie Belle while her mane was releasing smoke into the sky and to Scootaloo she said, “It was supposed to be a fire-protection potion but I accidentally added a demon claw to the concoction."
“How do you “accidentally” add a demon claw to a potion?” asked Sweetie Belle.
"It’s not my fault!” she said as she snorted in annoyance, small trails of fire coming out of her nostrils as she exhaled. “Demon claws look exactly like phoenix claws! I couldn’t tell the difference!”
“Is that… permanent?” said Sweetie Belle who felt like she was burning alive from the sheer heat that Apple Bloom was radiating.
“No, it will wear off in about a week, 9 days tops! Hopefully… maybe… Zecora wasn’t totally sure… she was more concerned with the fact that her house was on fire,” said Apple Bloom.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t get Twilight to look at you?” said Scootaloo who was sweating like a pig from being so close to Apple Bloom, thinking about how her presence was like being in a sauna.
“No, I look different and all but I feel fine, I’m still the same old me!” she said with a sharp-toothed smile as she put her hoof on Scootaloo’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort her troubled friend.
Scootaloo screamed in pain as her shoulder’s fur singed into nothing while the exposed skin on her shoulder blackened and caught fire from Apple Bloom’s searing touch, which felt infinitely hotter than the heat coming from Apple Bloom’s proximity.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOT! HOT! OH, BUCK ME I’M ON FIRE!” she screamed as she started to stop, drop and roll on the ground in pain.
Sweetie Belle’s eyes widened and she immediately put some distance between herself and the flaming thing that Apple Bloom has become, “Stay back! Don’t touch me!” said Sweetie Belle who was genuinely afraid of her. “You’re dangerous! You have to get that looked at!”
“Girls, I’m not dangerous...” she said weakly as she grazed a park bench and set it ablaze with a single touch.
“YES YOU BUCKING ARE!” shouted Scootaloo who was on the ground, clutching her burnt shoulder and wincing in pain, her shoulder wasn’t on fire anymore but it still hurt worse than any physical pain that the young Pegasus had felt before.
“I…I…I’m sorry girls…” she said as she started to cry, her tears flowing from her face as fiery drops that hit the ground and sizzled on the pavement, leaving small scorch marks where they fell.
Apple Bloom then turned and ran, seeing herself as a monster, she was so caught up in her misery that she ran towards the populated town, leaving a trail of flames and scorched earth as she ran away.
“Wait! Apple Bloom! Don’t run into town!” said Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom didn’t listen as she ran into town, her eyes were closed so she didn’t even notice when she charged headlong into somepony’s house, making a huge hole in the wall and another one that followed as she ran out the other end, burning through everything she touched as she ran away from the mess that she caused in the park.
Scootaloo who was still on the ground looked over at Sweetie Belle and said, “I really hope the hospital is still standing when we get there because unlike somepony who I won’t mention, I’m getting this burn looked at by professionals! Hey Sweetie Belle, can you please help me up?”
“You are so lucky my insurance covered that burn!” said Scootaloo. “And I’m sorry again that I called you dangerous. That fiasco was partially my fault for making you so upset,” said Scootaloo who sadly admitted her own fault for the calamitous incident.
“Apple Bloom, it’s great that you help Zecora out and all but we had to go out all the way to the South Pole to get an Ice Demon’s fang so we could make you a cure for your… uh… affliction…” said Apple Jack.
“Don’t remind me of that adventure… Have you ever tried to pull a tooth out from a thrashing Ice Demon? It’s not as badass as it sounds,” said Rainbow Dash who remembered the ordeal with a shudder.
Apple Bloom sighed and held her head low.
“And finally this brings us to Scootaloo,” said Mayor Mare.
“I should have known… Just tell me straight Mayor Mare, how much property damage do I do?” said Scootaloo.
“Around 227,000 bits worth of damage a year, you have the highest debt out of all the nine ponies,” said Mayor Mare with a disappointed look in her eyes.
“227,000 bits?!” said Scootaloo, with that amount of money she could buy over a thousand of her scooters. “How is that possible?!”
“It’s possible Blank Flank!” said the very unhappy voice of Diamond Tiara.
“Really? When have I ever put the town in danger?!” inquired Scootaloo. Everypony except Rainbow Dash and her friends stared at her with expressions of annoyance.
“How about what happened 3 months ago?” said Diamond Tiara.
-3 Months Ago-
Diamond Tiara was happily humming a tranquil tune to herself while she was adjusting her mane in her mirror, when suddenly she heard a loud sound and a deafening crash. Diamond Tiara looked outside of her window trying to find the source of the noise and there she gasped in fear as she was staring down the barrel of a Sherman tank, its treads grinding the remains of Rich Manor’s fountain to dust underneath its weight.
Now most ponies would normally be very very afraid if they were liable to be shot at point blank range by a bucking tank but Diamond Tiara was not like most ponies… She may have a sharp tongue but that’s the only sharp thing about her, debatably she’s as stupid as Pinkie Pie.
“Seriously?! Are you bucking for real?! I’m not stupid!” said Pinkie Pie to me the narrator, breaking down the fourth wall like she usually does.
“Whoever you are! Get your stinking tank off my courtyard this bucking instant!” said the spoiled and frankly quite stupid filly. “I should sue the flanks off of you for destroying my fountain! Who’s even in there?! Show yourselves!”
The hatch at the top opened to reveal Diamond Tiara’s least favourite fillies, known to her as the “Terrible Three” it was Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and the one she hated most of all… Scootaloo.
“Hey Diamond Tiara, how’s it going?” said Scootaloo trying to make small talk. “This is a really nice place you got there!”
“Of course, who else was I expecting?” said Diamond Tiara to herself with a sigh when she saw who was driving the tank.
“What are you doing with that thing?!” she said as she gestured to their tank. “And what are you blank flanks doing here?!” said a very angry Diamond Tiara.
“It’s called a tank Einstallion…” said an annoyed Scootaloo “And we’re trying to get the greatest cutie marks ever! Cutie Mark Crusaders Tank Pilots Motherbucker! What’s up?!”
“I know what it is, losers,” said Diamond Tiara trying to contain her fury at her fountain being destroyed, “I’m asking you pathetic blank flanks why it’s on my property!”
“Well, since you asked so nicely, it’s here for a little something called… REVENGE!” said Scootaloo as she pressed the button to fire the cannon. “KA-BOOM!” said Scootaloo as the tank fired, Diamond Tiara screamed and ducked into her window while her room and most of her house were consumed in a fiery explosion, decimating her room and making the entire second story come crumbling down to the ground and most of the first floor’s walls were completely destroyed and had toppled over. Filthy Rich could be seen in the corner of Scootaloo’s eyes, the teacup in his hoof dropped to the ground in shock over what happened, he just stared there, covered with soot with a dumbfounded expression, not even noticing the scalding hot tea that was all over his left front hoof.
Diamond Tiara was on the ground half submerged in the rubble that used to be her room, she was covered in burns, bruises and scratches, she couldn’t feel either of her back hooves at all, “they might be broken,” she thought to herself. Struggling to move, with all the dust in her eyes and with the ringing in her ears going at a fever pitch, her senses returned just so she can see the three fillies she hated more than anything pointing and laughing at her.
“Wow, Diamond Tiara, that house of yours looked expensive, I hope your insurance will cover this!” said Scootaloo who was sneering with delight at finally getting her revenge on Diamond Tiara.
“Who’s the dirt farmer now? You stone-cold son of a bitch!” said Apple Bloom, “Well, I’ll tell you one thing, it sure as s*** isn’t me! Enjoy your dirt!” she jeered as she continued to laugh in Diamond Tiara’s face.
Sweetie Belle was choking on her laughter the hardest, so much that she was dangerously close to falling out of the tank because her enjoyment was keeping her from maintaining a steady posture. “Hey girls, let’s blow up Silver Spoon’s house!” she said with a malicious grin.
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Tank Pilots Motherbucker Yay!” said the CMC as they turned the tank around and started their course for Ponyville.
“That was an amazing day for me!” said Scootaloo defensively.
“Well it wasn’t amazing for anypony else!” said Diamond Tiara with her whole face stained red from fury. “Thanks to you and your tank, we’re still sleeping in a hotel! A nice hotel to be fair but a hotel nonetheless!"
“Pssh, well maybe if you treated me and my friends better, we wouldn’t need to take revenge on you!” said Scootaloo. “And you know what else, I don’t care that we destroyed half of the town! I don’t care that the tank ran out of gas! I don’t care that everypony got mad at us and took turns beating us up until we almost died! That’s not what’s important! What’s important is that for a split second, my flank was shining…”
The entire town took a collective groan, they were sick of hearing Scootaloo brag about this.
“Oh, not this again…” said Sweetie Belle as she rubbed her left temple in annoyance, “It was the sunlight reflecting off of the tank!”
“NO… no… like… no! It wasn’t! You’re just jealous because I almost got my cutie mark and you didn’t!”
“Scootaloo, it was the sunlight. I could see the light reflecting off the tank onto your flank, you’re literally bragging about nothing!” said Apple Bloom with a very frustrated expression that showed just how fed up she was about explaining this to Scootaloo.
“That is not what that was!” exclaimed Scootaloo, “And even if it was sunlight reflecting off of the tank, which it wasn’t by the way! It was still the greatest day of my life! I don’t care if I am under probation and can’t get into a moving vehicle without adult supervision until I’m 12. I’m not sorry at all! It was worth it! If I had another tank I would gladly do all that s*** again!”
Rainbow Dash sighed and facehooved at Scootaloo for still not learning her lesson from the tank incident.
“HA HA HA! Still not sorry! I’ll apologise when I’m dead! Oh wait! No I won’t!” said Scootaloo mockingly as she started to laugh again. “In fact all you stupid motherbuckers deserved it! Especially you Diamond Tiara!” said Scootaloo while Diamond Tiara growled at her.
The townsponies were beginning to seethe at Scootaloo’s prideful and unrepentant words and visibly showing looks of displeasure towards the brash orange Pegasus filly.
“Furthermore, to all those who had their homes and possessions destroyed by my tank driving, well you can all kiss the fattest part of my plump, orange fla…”
Scootaloo’s taunt was interrupted when her mouth was quickly covered by Rainbow Dash, who angrily whispered in Scootaloo’s ear, “For Celestia’s sake, shut the buck up right now!”
Scootaloo stopped producing words the second Rainbow Dash’s hoof removed itself from her mouth.
“Anyway can I continue? We’ve been reminiscing about the destructive antics of those fillies long enough, we have to get to the meat of the problem,” said the Mayor. “Ponyville is up to its neck in financial debt and if things keep going the way that they are going, the town will have to be dissolved and we’ll have to sell our land so we can all afford to move to new homes. This is a serious matter, it’s not just those nine ponies I discussed, lots of ponies are contributing to our debt," she said as she pulled out a medium-sized list.
“Trixie Lulamoon: 54,000 bits for dangerous magic, Button Mash: 13,000 bits for wasting electricity, Vinyl Scratch: 97,000 bits for breaking windows with her dubstep, Lyra Heartstrings: 69,000 bits for things that are too inappropriate to discuss with all of these impressionable foals in this room and Diamond Tiara, just to name a few,” said Mayor Mare.
The four aforementioned ponies went through different reactions to being called out. Trixie felt high and mighty thinking that Twilight’s debt was worse than her own but now she was all deflated and frustrated, Vinyl was brooding and muttering things to herself, Button Mash nervously looked at his disapproving parents and Lyra blankly stared at Mayor Mare with murderous eyes.
Diamond Tiara was not expecting her own name to be brought up in this discussion, “Wait, What?! How am I costing this town money?!”
“Well it’s because you interfere in the plans of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Through your acts of sabotage you make their schemes more destructive and cause more property damage, some of their worst catastrophes of all time can be traced back to your meddling or you provoking the three fillies, we do comprehensive investigating and the only reason you’re hearing about this now is because your father pays every bit of damage that the Crusaders cause because of your instigation,” said Mayor Mare with a smug grin. “In fact you have the largest debt of all, you cause 388,000 bits worth of damage, which is even more damage than Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle cause together. In fact, part of the incident with the tank can be traced back to that time where you mocked Scootaloo for not being able to fly.”
“How very interesting,” said Scootaloo who was enjoying the role reversal.
“Shut your mouth Blank Flank!” said Diamond Tiara, who wasn’t even trying to contain her rage.
“Just for that, I’m destroying your house again the second the rebuilding is finished,” said Scootaloo with a smirk.
“Darn it DT, stop instilling the blank flanks with feelings of revenge!” said Silver Spoon with a panicked voice, “You’re going to tear this town apart! What are you, stupider than Pinkie Pie?” said Silver Spoon.
“Augh! That is it! I am NOT STUPID!” screamed Pinkie Pie at the top of her lungs, her patience had just reached its limit at being called stupid by a filly who was still in elementary school. “I am not stupid and I’m going to prove it to everypony! I’ll prove it to you… you… you… you… and you!” she said as she pointed to Apple Jack, Scootaloo, Fluttershy, Mayor Mare and you, the reader of this story in quick succession.
Pinkie Pie angrily stormed out of town hall, mumbling expletives under her breath as she passed by the many worried ponies who watched her leave.
“Great job, Silver Spoon. Thanks to you, Pinkie is going to doom us all!” said Diamond Tiara.
“I HEARD THAT!” said Pinkie’s voice from out of sight.
“Well if you didn’t make fun of those blank flanks, then we wouldn’t have to deal with this in the first place, we could be in your house right now, drinking sparkling fruit punch and listening to smooth jazz but you just had to provoke somepony who had a bucking tank pointed at your house!” retorted Silver Spoon.
Diamond Tiara stopped talking, crossed her hooves in front of her and stared menacingly at nothing in particular, or if you asked anypony else she was staring menacingly at the folding chair in front of her.
“Anyway, I’m sorry that this is happening but these are the facts, due to the ponies I mentioned and many others, we had to make some serious cutbacks to make ends meet. Such as electricity, hot water and other amenities, we also had to cancel various town activities and the annual upper class tax cut. It had to be done, it’s the only thing keeping us a town. I called this meeting so we can discuss what it is we can do to make Ponyville some stable income for the foreseeable future. We need suggestions on how to save the town, at the rate we’re losing money, Ponyville will become little more than a memory by the end of the year!” said Mayor Mare who was struggling to keep herself calm.
“So… what do we do Mayor Mare?” asked a very worried and distraught Fluttershy.
“Well, that is for you to decide, considering how all of the innocent ponies who haven’t cost the town hundreds of thousands of bits worth of debt are in great distress because of all of you, I leave the solution of the problem to those that came up with the disaster in the first place” said the vindictive Mayor to the Stallions and Mares that she was eyeing angrily. “The ideas will be written on this blackboard,” she said as she gestured to the blackboard beside her.
“Well… we could start a musical…” said Rarity with a grin. “Think about it, a delightful musical theatre show has made tons of money for Canterlot and Manehattan in the past, have you seen Manespray? That play became its own movie, and what about Mamma Mia? That play made millions, I know that the town has some good singers and dancers, and I could sew some costumes and find somepony to write a solid script and…”
“We’ll put it on the board,” said Mayor Mare with some enthusiasm as she put the words “Musical Theatre” on the blackboard.
“How about we have a bake sale?” said Mr. Cake, “I’m sure we can rake in some bits by selling our wares in other towns.
“The bake sale sounds fine,” said the mayor as she put that on the blackboard.
“We can always look in the abandoned diamond mines for some diamonds that we can sell,” said somepony with a thick beard, “There could always be a vein that we missed.”
“Mining for Diamonds…” said Mayor Mare while she put that down on the blackboard.
“Um… I… have an idea…” said Fluttershy as she raised her hoof… “Most of my animals are already really well-trained and maybe I can make them perform tricks for all the tourists to see… if that’s okay of course.”
“That sounds promising…” said Mayor Mare as she put Fluttershy’s idea on the blackboard.
“Me! Me! Pick Me!” said Scootaloo as she raised her hoof impatiently.
“Yes, Scootaloo?” said the Mayor.
“Here’s my idea to save the town, we get a tank…”
“NO!” everypony screamed that all at once the second the word “tank” escaped from Scootaloo’s lips.
“LET ME FINISH!” said Scootaloo impatiently. “So we get a tank and we drive up to other towns and we… and by we, I mean I of course use the tank to scare them into giving Ponyville large sums of money that we can use to save the town!” said Scootaloo who was beaming with pride at her genius idea.
Mayor Mare stared at the filly in amazement at her stupid idea, she turned to her secretary and whispered “Maybe as a last resort…” in her ear. The secretary nodded and wrote the idea down on her clipboard.
“No, that is a horrible idea, yes, absolutely horrible, we can’t do that and besides… you are still under probation!” said Mayor Mare as she fidgeted around, trying to hide the fact that she liked that idea as a last resort.
“How about an air show!” said a green Pegasus mare with an eggshell white mane.
“Maybe I can call in some favours and make a few business deals!” said Filthy Rich.
“Maybe we can take Ponyville and push it somewhere else!” said a plump pink earth stallion who was wearing tropical shorts and had a pointy mane that shot straight up.
Many ponies were coming up with suggestion after suggestion while Rainbow Dash sat there thinking about what it is that Ponyville needs, and what she can do to help the city that she loved. She thought and she thought, the ideas being tossed back and forth around her was nothing more than white noise inside of her head but then suddenly, inspiration struck her like a sledgehammer and she knew exactly what she wanted to propose to the town.
“THAT’S IT! I GOT IT!” said Rainbow Dash extremely loudly. She was so enraptured in her idea that she stood up without warning, it caught everypony by surprise and it startled Scootaloo so much that she fell over from being right next to her.
“What is it Rainbow Dash? What’s your idea?” said a flustered Mayor Mare.
“What is the one thing that Ponyville is missing?” said Rainbow Dash with a wide grin on her face.
“You mean besides money, right?” said Discord.
“Uh… Yeah,” said Rainbow Dash dryly, not at all appreciating the play on words.
“Uh… a casino?” said Apple Jack.
“Race cars?” said Spike.
“A delightful mascot?” said Sweetie Belle.
“Hands?” said Lyra.
“No! None of those stupid things!” said Rainbow Dash with an angry look, “Why would you even think that?”
“Well you’re the one who asked the question, did you expect everypony to be thinking exactly what it is you are thinking?” said Twilight.
“Well… maybe…” said the cyan coloured mare who felt pretty embarrassed right now.
“Well we’re not mind readers Rainbow Dash, what is the one thing Ponyville is missing?” said Twilight.
“Besides common sense…” Twilight said in her thoughts.
“The one thing Ponyville is missing is exposure,” said Rainbow Dash.
“We got plenty of that already Rainbow Dash,” said Apple Bloom. “I mean most of us already walk around naked… In fact you’re naked right now!”
“Not that kind of exposure!” said Rainbow Dash, “I mean word of mouth, most ponies don’t even know about Ponyville! Most ponies from other towns don’t really know that much about us, we’re a pretty niche town! Most of the visitors we get are travelling performers or merchants and the other guests we get are relatives of other residents! So I think we should find a way for other towns to know we exist and maybe give them some incentive to visit or maybe even start a new life here!"
“That does make a surprising amount of sense coming from you Rainbow Dash!” said Mayor Mare. “So what exactly do you have in mind to promote the town so that others will see it?” she asked with an invested state of mind.
“Well, lots of ponies from the big cities are watching TV more and more and so I thought to myself: Why not just make Ponyville its own commercial?” said Rainbow Dash who was brimming with excitement at her idea, so full of excitement that she didn’t even notice that Mayor Mare just insulted her with that “coming from you” schtick. “We can all star in it, and we’ll broadcast it on every channel! And we can shoot it in the best places in all of Ponyville!”
“Yeah, a commercial, that sounds like it could be pretty fun!” said Spike.
“It might actually work!” said Rarity.
“That’s a way better idea than the idea I had about starting a fight club!” said Cheerilee.
Everypony stopped and stared at Cheerilee in utter shock for almost a minute but then they went straight back to praising Rainbow Dash.
“That’s my big sister for you!” said Scootaloo, beaming with pride.
“Finally! An idea I can get behind!” said Diamond Tiara who was actually complimenting something for the first time in years.
“I still think that Ponyville needs a good old fashioned casino but a commercial works too,” said Apple Jack.
“No need to thank me, it was just another idea to come from my awesome brain,” said Rainbow Dash who was soaking in the praise like the world’s most absorbent sponge.
Everypony was stoked at the prospect of being a part of Ponyville’s first commercial but the mayor had an important question that needed to be answered.
“So while I like this idea, who should be in charge of the project?” The Mayor said to Rainbow Dash.
The commendation train went off the rails with this question, everypony was excited about the commercial but after that question they realized that they had nopony to lead the helm.
“Well, how about Rainbow Dash! It was her idea after all!” said Scootaloo.
“I don’t know squirt… I’m not really much of a leader and I can’t organize a project like this for jack,” said the rainbow coloured mare to her sister. “But… I think that Twilight can!” she said as she excitedly pointed to Twilight Sparkle.
“Me?” said the confused alicorn.
“Sure, why not you? You’re the smartest pony I know and you’re great with pointing ponies in the right direction!” said Rainbow Dash, “I mean, you’re a natural leader and a princess for buck’s sakes! You’ve made lots of great decisions and you’re pretty responsible! I’m just sure that you’re the best pony for the job.”
“I don’t know Rainbow Dash, I’m not sure if I’m qualified enough to direct a commercial… and also I’m a little worried that this might backfire horribly like many of the other times we try to help our community,” said the troubled mare.
“Twilight we’re all counting on you!” said Spike. “I think that shooting a commercial is a great idea! You’ve done lots of harder things in the past, for you shooting a commercial is going to be a snap!”
“We all believe in you, Twilight!” said Rarity.
“You can do it!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Well… okay! I’ll do it!” said Twilight who would later come to regret that decision.
“All right then!” said Mayor Mare, “All in favour of making a commercial for Ponyville?”
“I!” said everypony in the room, they were all ready and willing to lift their town from its predicament.
“Then it’s settled, starting tomorrow, we’ll start production on making a commercial to promote our fair city of Ponyville!” said Mayor Mare.
Everypony cheered, armed with Rainbow Dash’s idea and Twilight Sparkle’s guidance Ponyville’s commercial was sure to bring the town into a new golden age of financial stability and prosperity. Little did the townsponies know that the pegasi’s idea and the alicorn’s leadership were two of the keys that led to a terrible scourge and when the third key showed itself the next day, the darkness was unleashed and the catastrophe ahead was set into motion.
That meeting had started something that will rock Ponyville to its very foundation and nopony could turn back…
The Days of Disaster have officially begun.
To Be Continued!
