I would never get along with Sombra... (Major re-write)
Okay Diane, you can do this. I simply stated to myself as I took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled to steel myself. I would have to be calm to tackle the intense challenge before me if I wished to survive. After all, I could get no help from anypony else right now, it simply wasn't an option. I had already relied on Pinkie and the others far too much, and if I did this, it would improve my own confidence as well, even if my own brain currently screamed at me how much of a bad idea this was.
Despite the humans instincts protesting, I knew that I had to overcome them. This was something anypony could do, and in fact something most ponies did daily. Steeling myself I began, with one shaky hoof stretching forward, I finally managed to plant it on the first step of the stairs. Usually stairs were not this scary, in fact, I had easily walked up them. But right now? Now I was going down.
Have you ever tried doing that? Going down the stairs on all fours, going down head first? Yeah, that was what I was doing. It was how everypony did it after all. But... it didn't make it any less scary.
Rainbow Dash had of course found it hilarious once she found out. The others had found it somewhat amusing as well, but asked me how come I found it scary. It took me some time to explain that I seemed to have retained a fair amount of instincts, together with memories and personality. Mind you, it does seem not all of me actually made it through to Equestria.
I am missing a few memories here and there, I have noticed that some of my memories don't really correspond to my current personality and I do have a few odd instincts to sort out, me still seeing myself as male being one of them.
To be honest I really have nothing against being female... Okay, that's not entirely true, I do actually have one big fear. I am scared out of my skin for... you know, that time of the month. Even worse, I have no idea how that works as a pony. I have yet to ask any of the girls, since it wouldn't make for a pleasant conversation, or at least I believe it would be very awkward. But I am hoping Pinkie will cover that in the future.
Now, back to what was actually going on.
I was already tilted forward from having placed one of my hooves forward, my subconscious asking me if I was attempting suicide and then trying to tell me all the reasons I have to live. I myself, tried calming it down by providing every argument I could to why this actually wasn't life threatening, and how much I could benefit from managing this. The voice of 'reason' didn't stop, but it did calm down somewhat.
Now, with one hoof already on the first step, I began moving my second hoof. Mind you, even after a week, I still occasionally had to think twice before moving to make sure I was in fact moving the right leg. It was made a little easier from all the previous times, remembering what Pinkie had said to encourage me, every step of the way. This time however, Pinkie wasn't here. So I made my way down at an extremely slow pace, just to be sure.
About half way down though, I believed I had gotten the hang of it somewhat and increased my speed of descent a little. It all went over well enough, nothing with me falling down the stairs. Something that had actually happened the first time I decided to take the stairs down. I hadn't really thought it through the whole way, and as soon as my head was dipping towards ground I had panicked and managed to fall all the way down. Fortunately not sustaining any serious damage thanks to my Earth Pony body, but I did end up being sore in a lot of places.
Satisfied with my 'accomplishment' of descending a set of regular stairs, I turned towards the kitchen. Having lived together with Pinkie at the top of Sugar Cube Corner for some time now, I decided I could do something nice for the hospitality I had been shown by the Cakes and Pinkie. So, I had decided to show how much I appreciated it all by waking up early and make breakfast for all of them.
Having been a decent cook back on Earth, and able to observe Pinkie for about a week, I was able to perform fairly well in a kitchen meant for ponies, far better than I could go down the stairs.
While I usually tended to make whatever I wanted for breakfast, I had to take into account the fact that Pinkie's, the Cakes' and my diet varied by a fair margin. Pinkie liked sweet things and would most likely love something like pancakes or waffles for breakfast. The Cakes would most likely prefer some form of more 'adult' breakfast. Thing is, I had no idea what. I usually just ate anything I could get my hands on, or as it had been the last week, my hooves. I had never really paid much attention to what adults liked to have for breakfast, and I myself had never really 'grown up'.
I would of course presume they would enjoy a cup of coffee, and something to nibble on of some sort. This was of course out of the question since the Cakes disliked the idea of letting Pinkie Pie near any coffee. When asked, Pinkie had said that she was fine when drinking coffee, but why risk it?
To get some inspiration for what I could make them I decided to see what was available to me in the fridge. Opening the fridge, I disregarded all of the canned whipped cream and looked to the other shelves that held products like milk, cheese, onions, tomatoes, potatoes and everything else you could really ask anypony to have in their fridge... It was a rather big fridge.
While I took what ever I needed to make pancakes, from the fridge and cupboards inspiration struck me. While it might not be some kind of 'adult' breakfast french toast sounded like something that would work. My reasoning was of course that there were many different ways to eat french toast. You could eat it bare, with sugar, ice cream and all sorts. Strawberries was a personal favorite.
So today's breakfast, french toast and pancakes. With all the ingredients ready, I began. Had I thought about this a week ago, I would never have believed I could move like I did right now. Many of my human reflexes remained, but the differences in much of the cooking wares worked as constant reminders to be careful, and take my time. As a brony I had always wondered how holding things with your hooves actually worked, and now, as a pony, I didn't even question it. As long as I knew that I could hold something, I could. As soon as I asked how, I couldn't. I learned quickly not to question it and let the natural mechanics of my new body do it for me.
"That smells great! What are you making?" Pinkie suddenly exclaimed from right next to me while looking at the toast I was currently making. Startling me in the process.
"Arg, Pinkie! Please don't do that when I'm handling something that could end up hurting somepony." I asked her with a pleading look before returning to the stove. "I'm making something called french toast, I thought it would be a nice surprise if I made breakfast." I explained, smiling as I looked back to see her happy grin.
Only to regret it as I found myself being pulled away from the stove and restrained by a pink straight jacket named Pinkie Pie. "That's soooo nice of you! I wish I had thought of that!" Pinkie said as I felt like a teddy bear, being hugged like that.
"Pinkie... as much as I enjoy your hugs, it's rather hard keeping french toast from burning unless I'm there to keep an eye on it." I pointed out to her, getting a bit worried since I had my back to the stove now and couldn't see how it was doing.
Pinkie Pie giggled at my complaint and released me after giving one final squeeze. Letting me go, she spun me around and lightly shoved me towards the stove.
I sighed inwardly but smiled at her antics, I wasn't much better after all, that is, unless I purposely tried not to be like that.
"Oh, I know! Maybe I can help you?" Pinkie Pie suggested as I used a spatula to flip some of the toast over. I couldn't see any harm in it, I knew she could handle cooking and baking, and she was willing to help. All I'd have to do was to teach her and we'd be done with it all in no-time. Less of a possibility of the Cakes waking up before I was done.
"Of course you can help me Pinkie. Just let me show you how to make some french toast." I said as I smiled. Not hearing an immediate response, I turned towards her to see what she was up to, seeing her with a big goofy grin on her face, shaking with excitement.
I smiled again and shook my head as I kept making breakfast. Pinkie learned quickly, and conversations died down as we both focused on making enough french toast for us all.
While cooking, Pinkie began humming a song. It took me a while to recognize it, but when I did, I had to make an effort not to laugh about the events connected to that song.
Unfortunately, her humming was interrupted every now and then, and after the fifth time I decided it was enough. "Pinkie, it's alright to taste the food you're making, but if you keep eating anymore of the french toast from the pan itself, you won't be hungry enough when we all sit down to eat breakfast together. And that wouldn't be very good now, would it?" I asked her, giving her a little disappointed look.
The french toast about to make it's way down onto her tongue froze in mid air together with Pinkie. Looking at me she smiled sheepishly before moving the plate of already done french toast under the one frozen mid air and let it fall on top of the others.
"Sorry Diane, they're just so good, I couldn't help myself." She explained herself, blushing a little while putting the plate back on the counter.
I shook my head at that but smiled none the less, who could say no to her? Well, I certainly couldn't. "Alright, now let's make up for the ones you already ate. I know the're a few more eggs in the fridge." I said. Pinkie Pie took it as an order as she saluted and bounced over to the fridge.
As Pinkie returned with all the necessary ingredients, we continued making french toast until we ran out again. This time, we were completely done.
"Whoo-wee, making french toast is a lot harder than you make it look Diane, how are you so good at making them just perfect?" Pinkie asked me, looking between the two plates containing the toasts I made and the ones she made, a clear difference being quite apparent.
"Mostly practice I suppose, you did a lot better than the first time I made french toast, it looked more like an omelet with a piece of bread inside than french toast. You're not bad Pinkie, a few more times and I'm sure you'll be making them far better than I've ever done." I said, not entirely sure what to think of being complimented on the food I made. It wasn't anything special after all.
Pinkie gasped and floated of the floor as she did. "How can you say that?! You've made them just perfect, look at them. They're the perfect shade between golden and brown, not to much, not to little, and on both the sides! Not only that, the perfect square pieces you made without having any crumbs falling off as you dipped them, leaving small egg scruffs to themselves. Even I wasn't able to do that." Pinkie argued, making me blush.
"Look, Diane. What you've made here is perfect, no matter what way you look at it. And it also smells wonderful, and tastes even better. You have to take some more credit for it. I've noticed how the baked goods you make always turned out better in some way. You either make the icing the perfect blend, take them out of the oven at just the right time, and always manage to not burn anything. I don't think it's just practice, I think it might even-" Pinkie continued on until I interrupted her by raising a hoof towards her.
"Pinkie, I already have a cutie mark, it's the same as yours. Besides, I'm not that talented. Just about a year ago, I almost burned my house down by leaving the stove on unattended. I've burned a lot of food, and I most likely will do it again. Now, can we get to eating breakfast, while you might have already eaten, I'm quite hungry after having made all this toast, and I'm sure the Cakes would love to come down and have breakfast themselves right about now." I said, trying to avoid talking about talents. It was kind of a sore subject for me, you know, the whole thing about everypony having their own talents, while I was stuck with somepony's else's mark.
"Alright, but we'll talk about this later." Pinkie said, narrowing her eyes at me.
"Alright, now, you think you could go wake up the Cakes while I begin taking care of the dishes down here?" I asked. It would have been a lot faster if Pinkie Pie was the one to clean up, but I'd rather not have to go down the stairs twice in one day. As much as I need to overcome my instincts and learn to walk down the stairs properly, I'd rather avoid doing it more times than I absolutely have to.
"You promise?" Pinkie Pie suddenly asked, making me stop on my way to the sink. Sighing I turned back around towards her and did the only thing I could to get her off my back.
"I Pinkie promise." I said as I did the necessary movements to complete the Pinkie Promise.
"Okie dokie lokie" Pinkie responded, immediately going back to her usual cheery self. "I'll be waking the Cakes, be down in a minute."
As Pinkie left, I began doing the dishes and making the table as well as putting a small bowl down for Gummy, while also thinking about what Pinkie had said. While it wasn't pleasant to think about, I knew I couldn't keep ignoring it forever, I would eventually have to come to terms with how trapped I felt having somepony else's talent painted on my flank. While it wasn't like it was with Applebloom's cutie pox, it still felt wrong. If only there was a way to remove a cuti-
"I'm back, and I brought caaaakes~" Pinkie Pie interrupted my train of thought and began giggling at her own joke. I put on a smile as the Cakes walked in.
"Surprise!" I exclaimed, raising my forelegs into the air while trowing a bit of confetti. Surprising both of them while Pinkie smiled together with me.
"You like it? Diane thought it would be a good Idea to make breakfast for all of us because of letting her stay here!" Pinkie Pie informed the Cakes, seeing their confusion.
Snapping out of it, Mrs Cake, looked at me and smiled. "Diane, you didn't have to do this."
I shook my head. "I know, but I wanted to. You've all been so nice to me, and I felt like I had to repay that somehow, I hope the meal will be to your satisfaction." I said humbly as Pinkie Pie released a gasp.
"Of course they'll like it, it tastes amazing! Here, try some." Pinkie Pie said, shoving a piece of french toast into the mouth of Carrot Cake as he had opened it to say something, nearly loosing his balance as he only stood on three hooves as Pinkie Pie decided to force feed him.
Carrot Cake, apparently used to Pinkie's shenanigans took it in stride and calmly chewed the toast before swallowing before speaking.
"I have to say, that was indeed delicious, compliments to the chef, may I ask what it was?" Carrot Cake asked as his wife chuckled to herself, making me smile.
"It's called French toast, and I'm glad you like it." I said before turning my attention towards Pinkie Pie again who was like always, smiling.
"But I have to ask Pinkie, can the actual eating of food wait until we all get settled around the table, or have I made it in vain?" I asked, making Pinkie Pie shake her head.
"No, it was just a free sample, next up, is the meal!" She exclaimed, jumping towards the table and landing on a chair, a bunch of french toast flying up and landing on her plate from her landing.
I smiled at her antics, even so early in the morning, she was in a good mood and full of energy, seeing her exhausted was a rare thing. Nodding towards the Cakes, I made my way to the table myself and sat down on the spot that I usually took while eating.
"So, Diane. I can't say I ever heard of French toast before. Where did you learn the recipe from?" Cup Cake asked me, making me wince on the inside. While I had gotten used to being in Equestria, my home was a bit of a sore subject. I mean, I still missed the place, even if Ponyville was beginning to feel like a second home. Unfortunately, the Cakes didn't know about me being from another dimension, only the part about me being a mirrorpool clone.
"Oh, eh... It's actually one of the things I can't remember. I'm sorry." I quickly avoided the question with a small lie. Thankfully my minor amnesia was something the Cakes had been informed about.
"Oh, no. I'm the one who should be sorry. I can only imagine how horrible it is to forget something like that." Mrs Cake apologized back. While she was apologizing for another reason, it made me feel better if I pretended it was about her bringing up memories about my old world. I had actually learnt the recipe from my mother. I miss her a lot.
I shook my head. "It's fine, I'm sure my memories will return, besides. Most things I forgot are minor things." Like the name of my cat. I thought to myself.
"Still, I'm sorry for asking, I was just curious why you didn't do something simple, like oats." Mrs Cake informed me, making me have to struggle not to facehoof right there and then, having forgotten something simple like that. Hey, I remembered something though!
"Oh, it just slipped my mind I think... Besides, I had a feeling you might not have had French Toast before. So I thought, why not let you all taste something new?" I lied. I actually made it somewhat for myself since I hadn't had french toast in a long time, and it being my favorite kind of breakfast... You get the point, I just killed two birds with one stone... I should rephrase that and see what the equivalent phrase is in Equestria, Fluttershy might faint if I said it out loud.
Not willing to dwell on the same topic, I decided to talk about something else.
"Ah, Pinkie, I just remembered. I saw there's some kind of 'Summer Harvest Parade' next week, and was wondering if there's anything special I should do for that." I said, even though I knew that some ponies would be making vegetable floats.
"Yepperoni, I'm going to make a Cupcake float, you can help me out with it!" She suggested.
"But a Cupcake is hardly a harvest able fruit or vegetable Pinkie. Shouldn't you choose something else?" Mr Cake helpfully pointed out.
"Huh, I didn't think about that... But what kind of float should I make then?" Pinkie asked, rubbing her jaw with her hoof.
"How about a lettuce float?" I asked, grinning a bit, knowing from the episode that it would most likely be her choice anyway.
Gasping, Pinkie Pie rocketed over the table and began hugging me. "That's a great Idea, I even know where I can get lettuce leaf that are big enough!" Pinkie exclaimed before rushing off. All of us looking towards the door she left through.
"She does realize that floats aren't meant to be edible for real, right?" I asked, my eyes still glued to the door. Only letting me hear the Cakes sigh at that.
Afterwards, I felt simply great. I'll be honest, I had a real hard time not to suddenly break out into song about how happy I was that the breakfast went by as well as it could have. The reason I didn't was mostly because of how out of place it would be (being so happy about a simple breakfast that is) and also that I had no lyrics what so ever to work with, they just weren't coming to me.
After the breakfast and a few last compliments on my cooking, I got to washing the dishes, since it was my turn to do it today. Initially I had trouble with it, but after only two dropped plates the first time, I had gotten used to it and could now clean the dishes as well as anypony else in this household. Even though I wasn't a big fan of doing chores I still smiled. My mind had begun to wander and I found myself thinking of when the next Nightmare Night would be, I had an amazing costume idea that I was sure would scare, if not the children, then at least it would scare Rarity. I snickered to myself at the thought; I could already imagine the look on her face.
I couldn't wait until the next Nightmare Night.
Pinkie Pie was bouncing through town with her usual signature smile while at the same time greeting anypony she met and even waving to a few of them. Today was once again a beautiful day in Ponyville since the next rain wasn't scheduled until two days later.
Bouncing up to the library, Pinkie Pie stopped and quickly knocked at the door while barely staying in place. Soon, the door was opened by Twilight who was wearing her saddlebags and with Spike sitting on top of her.
"Oh, good day Pinkie. I was just heading out, you need anything?" Twilight asked, wondering why Pinkie Pie would be here, she didn't see any invitations and quickly discarded the idea of Pinkie Pie having come over to invite her to another party.
"Oh, you know. I'm here to take a look at a few of the books. I think I saw something that could help Diane with her fear of stairs!"
"Pinkie, we've already looked over all the material I have on climacophobia. There isn't a single book on the matter left and you know it!" Twilight accused Pinkie Pie.
"I know, but you know, I had a thought. What if we took a look in a book about bathmophobia instead? We might find something in there." Pinkie Pie suggested.
Twilight put a hoof to her chin in thought before she was interrupted by Spike.
"Twilight, we have to get going, I want to get back to my comics and you need me to help out while you buy quills. So can we hurry up? Please!" Spike begged.
Twilight growled a little at Spike before sighing. "As rude as Spike is currently behaving,-"
"Hey!"
"-he is still right. I have to get going now Pinkie, but I think you might have had a point. You're free to look in the library by yourself while I'm gone, just make sure to close the door properly before you leave," Twilight said while beginning to trot away since Spike was edging her on.
Smiling, Pinkie Pie stepped inside the library as the voice of Twilight could still be heard a small distance away, threatening Spike with not buying any gems for him if he didn't behave.
As Pinkie Pie closed the door she suddenly changed from her regular energy filled behavior and began trotting around the library on all fours while looking for a particular book.
"No, no, no, no, this isn't even sorted correctly... Argh, where could she have put that stupid book?" The now scowling form of Pinkie Pie asked herself as she looked through every book on the shelves, still not managing to find anything. Looking around the room itself for the off chance the book was laying around somewhere out of the way like under a table, the pink pony's gaze fell upon the stairs to the second floor.
Deciding it was worth a shot, she took the stairs to search Twilight's room, surely a bookworm like Twilight would keep a book or two in her room, especially one she hadn't read before. Entering the room, the pony immediately found what it was looking for. It had of course been a while since the book itself was found, and Twilight had already, no doubt, read the whole thing several times over.
It was a shame she couldn't have gotten to the book earlier, but there was no longer anything she could do about it. Picking up the book, she simply stored it in her mane so that nopony would see her carry anything when she left the library.
Coming back down, Pinkie Pie was once again smiling while she looked through the shelves, once again not finding the book she meant for Diane, she noted that all the books were exactly where she had found them. Satisfied with the result, she left the library, carefully closing the door behind her and bouncing away. Nopony the wiser that Pinkie Pie was in fact having fun elsewhere.
Author's Note
Alright... this took far too much time for me to complete... I blame writer's block...
So, the story continues. Let me know what you people think.
Pre-read by: Greycait and Polkiuj.
[Edit: Chapter has been re-written due to some complaints and me not being entirely happy with this chapter. This has not been looked over any pre-readers, so if you spot anything out of place or any clear errors, please inform me.]
Let me tell you. Waking up can feel a lot different depending on the many circumstances you wake up to. You can wake up early, having barely slept at all, yet feel perfectly well rested, or wake up after having slept for half a day and still feel tired. You can wake up grumpy, happy, sad and so forth. In any case, waking up can feel very different from day to day. Today, is perhaps my most shocking awakening yet.
I feel myself waking up as the rays of the sun hit my face, Celestia’s morning sun already filling me with energy. While I don’t really have any particular reason to be waking up either early or late, since it is my day off and all, I still can’t avoid waking up early.
Usually, waking up for me is a bit of a bittersweet thing, having to leave the wonderful world of dreams, to replace it with another enjoyable day in Equestria. Well, I admit I only began seeing it like that recently... You know, since coming to Equestria. But today, there is just one thing. Why am I waking up on a train?
Taking a quick look around, I notice the other occupants of this particular part of the train. I see the unlikely combination of Blueblood and Cheese Sandwich playing chess. A Changeling on the seat next to me, sleeping. And Maud, on the one seat opposite of mine, reading a book. A bit confused by what’s going on, I make sure I’m still myself. My conclusion, doubtful. I have neither a cutie mark, or the additional colors in my mane or tail. My mane is shorter than usual and I think I can feel stitches on my barrel. And neither do I have any memory of how I got here. I’m either A: dreaming, something which would be awesome, since lucid dreaming is apparently the best thing ever, or B, I have somehow jumped worlds, again. Something not as awesome.
You know, if this turns into me becoming a dimension hopper, I am so getting myself one of those Waybacks. You know, the one made by a dog named Mr. Peabody. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a time machine, the movie never explained what happened with the two extras they had, so no one would probably notice if I took one of them.
Maud looks up from her book, and looks at me. “How did you sleep, Floyd?” She blinks a few times, tilting her head.
“I didn’t expect you to wake up this early, especially after all that nonsense with the vamponies.” Blueblood shudders, looking up from the chess game he’s playing with Cheese.
Well, phooey. Seems I’m not even taking the place of Pinkie, but someone named Floyd. Well, better get this over with.
Closing my eyes, I sigh deeply. This can end in any number of ways. “Good morning Maud. But I unfortunately have to correct you. I seem to have woken up instead of Floyd today.” I say, opening my eyes before continuing. “I am Diane, Diane Pie, and I believe I come from another universe and have replaced Floyd. I don’t know how or why, but still, I’d like to apologize for this inconvenience. Sorry,” I say honestly, hoping for a positive reaction.
While I know ponies aren’t violent, they do tend to sometimes be a bit jumpy, suspicious and a smudge quick on jumping to conclusions. Just like they were with Zecora.
“What did you do with Floyd!?” Pinkie shouts, suddenly appearing in my face from out of nowhere. “What did you do, you, you... meanie, body snatcher!!” She accuses me.
I lean back a bit from the sudden intrusion of personal space, but realize it’s only Pinkie and relax a bit. Wait a second... I frown at her accusation. “First of all Pinkie, I didn’t snatch Floyd’s body by choice. And secondly, where did you come from?” I ask, looking around to see where she could have come from. Even for my Pinkie Pie it would be a feat to surprise me like that.
“Don’t change the subject!!” Pinkie snorts, poking at my chest, though... her hoof passes through me, like she isn’t really there. “Where is Floyd!?” she demands.
A horrifying thought occurs to me and I feel my ears splay back and sag a little, my mane doing the same. But I decide to hold on to my question in favor of answering Pinkie’s.
“If I were to guess, Floyd would most likely be in my body at the moment, but that’s only a guess, I can’t really be certain,” I explain. “Now, Pinkie... are you a- a ghost?” I ask, hoping that isn’t the case. I don’t know if I could live with Pinkie being dead, my Equestria or not.
“No.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m an astral projection, duh!” She replies. It takes me a
moment of confusion to remember the difference, but realize it’s not really the same.
“Oh, thank Celestia. For a second I thought you were dead. I don’t think I could live with that, even if we’re from different universes and all that,” I say in relief.
“Why would I be dead? I’m not dead.” Pinkie blinked, tapping her chin. “I’d know if I was dead...”
“Cheese?” Maud asks, glancing at the stallion. He blinks, narrowing his eyes at us.
“All I see are the normal two Pinkies.” He shrugs, getting a checkmate on Blueblood, who gives Cheese a dirty look.
“This bodysnatcher replaced Floyd!” Pinkie exclaims, pointing at me. “Give Floyd back already!”
“I told you already, it wasn’t on purpose. If I am getting this right, it’s only temporary, otherwise I would have a copy of Floyd’s memories, like the first time this happened! So if anything, Floyd should be back to you soon.”
“Whaddaya mean ‘first time’?” She narrows her eyes. “Just how many ponies have you body snatched!?!?”
“None!” I snap, glaring a bit at Pinkie. “I haven’t snatched anypony’s body, and never will. I don’t like this any more than you do.” I point out and sigh. “First time this happened, I switched place with a Pinkie Pie clone from the mirror pool. And it happened during the paint watching test...” I trail off, wondering if that has happened here yet, but remember that Cheese Sandwich is here and that it probably means it has.
“But that was like... two years ago!” Pinkie gasps. “You’re a time traveler too!? This is heavy!”
I shake my head. “No, not really. If I’m to guess, our Equestrias are a bit out of sync when it comes to the timelines. For me it was just about a week ago.” I explain. “It’s not as much time travel as it is reality travel.” I explain.
Maud closes her book and moves over to me, narrowing her eyes. “I want to know where my sister is,” she says, getting in my face. “Tell me everything.”
“Best do as the mare says.” Blueblood gulps. “She can be utterly terrifying.”
I nod, knowing full well how an angry Maud can turn out, explaining to her about evil clones trying to replace her sister, and that you’re one of those former evil clones was quite a wild ride.
“Will ya keep it down...? Tryna sleep...” A slightly buzzing voice says from beside me. I turn towards it and see the small changeling I saw earlier curled up on the seat next to me, though I now notice that he has what looks like a scorpion tail.
“Sorry,” I whisper while wondering if changelings are different in this universe. “Should we go somewhere else to talk?” I ask Maud.
“Let’s go.” Maud nods, gets up and walks out of the car, not looking back at me.
Getting up, I follow her into another car where we sit down. Pinkie Pie joins us as well. Seeing Maud nod, I begin.
“Alright. As I said, Floyd is most likely in my body right now. That is, he’s in the body of a Pinkie Pie clone. I’m sure Pinkie is taking care of him right now. The last thing I can remember, is going to bed after having brushed my teeth and having put Gummy to bed. So if Floyd is in my body, the first pony he should meet would be Pinkie Pie. And if anyone would help Floyd out, it’d be her,” I say, nodding to myself.
If Floyd is already awake, I’m sure he’s already being taken care of by Pinkie Pie, after all, she’s the one who welcomed me into her family and made sure I was able to stay with her.
“So... she’s alone...” Maud frowns. “That’s not good...”
“Alone?” I ask, not really sure what she means.
“Whose body do you think you’re in?” Maud asks, looking into my eyes.
I open my mouth to answer that I’m in Floyd’s body, but pause. If I’m Floyd’s body, why do I look like Pinkie Pie? This body isn’t a clone, and the only pony that looks like Pinkie, besides Pinkie is the human version of her from the other side of the portal... So... considering that Pinkie Pie is a spiritual projection... It make sense if this was Pinkie Pie’s body and that Floyd was using it. But if that’s the case, why is it missing a cutie mark?
“I feel like answering Floyd’s, but it doesn’t seem right. From what I can deduce, it’s Pinkie’s body, but without a cutie mark... May I ask what happened?” I ask, looking at Pinkie.
“It was stolen but we got it back.” Pinkie pops up beside me. “But since Floyd is in control, it won’t go back on,” She explains.
“Really?” I ask, wondering about it. Tapping my chin, I remember that Rarity said that I was still living up to the cutie mark I bore. Perhaps it would go back on while I was in control?
“I have an idea. In my Equestria, I still have Pinkie’s cutie mark, and according to Rarity, I’m still living up to it. Perhaps it will be possible to put it back while I’m here?” I suggest.
“I’m not going to mess with my sister’s cutie mark.” Maud shook her head. She sighed, looking away. “Floyd needs me and I’m not there for her.”
I shrug. “Well, I just thought it might be worth a try, but you’re right of course. Magic like cutie marks isn’t something to mess with. And I’m sure Floyd is fine. Ponyville is quite safe at the time and I’m sure Pinkie and the other girls would take care of her,” I say, trying to ease Maud’s worry.
“You don’t understand. Floyd isn’t exactly... stable.” Maud’s frown worsens as she looks back at me.
“Oh,” Is all I’m able to say. That could indeed be troublesome. Hopefully Fluttershy would be to some help. In worst case, I hope Pinkie will be considerate enough to notice and make sure Floyd’s stay is as pleasant as possible. “That is sad to hear. May I ask, was Floyd human before?” I ask, having just realized that I had only assumed that had been the case.
“Yeah! But... he died,” Pinkie commented, “Then, Dissy grabbed his soul up and flung him into me!” Pinkie explains.
Yeah, dying would be pretty traumatic, and the unusual change and the additional craziness one can find in Equestria wouldn’t do wonders for the psyche. “Do you know if she was... unstable, before that happened as well?” I ask, hoping to gain some additional understanding.
“Nope! Floyd was A okay before he got here!” Pinkie smiles. “But... you know... the guilt’s really bad... and um... he got some of my... bad parts...” Pinkie explains sadly.
Taking pity on her, I pat her on the back. “I guess it’s a bit unavoidable. I think I might have been the same if it happened to me.” I tell them.
“And then she had that freak out when Starlight stole our cutie mark and it’s just been eating away at her!” Pinkie kept going, babbling for a few minutes.
“Oh dear. How does she deal with it... I guess the Vamponies didn’t help?” I ask.
“She has me,” Maud spoke softly, “I’m her rock.”
“Oh, and our Maud has yet to make her trip... I, I hope the others can help her. I’d like to think the girls can help her. She, she doesn’t try self harm, does she?” I ask, a bit concerned about her being in my body... Well, not really my body, but you get the idea...
“I... don’t think so...” Maud frowns again, obviously disturbed by the thought.
Noticing my mistake, I decide to try and calm her. “That’s good. I only know a little, but that is a good sign... Actually, perhaps, some time in Ponyville, without the guilt of using Pinkie’s body would be good for her. I mean, she would be able to relax and not think about it. I mean, my body used to belong to an evil clone made out of mirror water, so there’s nothing wrong with using it when the alternative being it being turned back to water, right?” I ask, hoping to once again calm them down. I have faith in the girls, and hopefully I can get Maud and Pinkie to agree with me on this one. I wouldn’t want them worrying.
“I think Floyd will be okay... but... he won’t have me with him...” Pinkie pawed at the ground. “We’ve been in each other's heads for almost a month now...”
“That’s a long time to be without a body... Or were you two able to switch control to each other?” I ask, trying to change the subject, hopefully onto more cheerful thoughts.
“Nope, Floyd’s been in control the whole time.”
“Well, that’s a bit peculiar... Have you asked the Princesses for help? They’re powerful, perhaps they could help.” I suggest.
“They’re trying to make Floyd a new body.” Maud nods her head. “They try to keep us updated.”
“Oh, well I suppose that’s something. I hope it works out. Humans have tried doing things like that before, but seeing as they don’t have magic, they didn’t make much progress. It was mostly theory. But besides that, I guess there isn’t much I or you can do right now,” I say, thinking about this whole mess, wondering if perhaps there’s some reason for me and Floyd to have switched bodies like that.
“So... what do we do now?” Pinkie asks, tilting her head. “I mean... I can’t hear your thoughts like with Floyd...”
“Well, I suppose we could begin with you two filling me in on what’s going on here in your world, as well as introducing me to the others. I know of Cheese Sandwich and Blueblood, but I’ve never met them before. As for changelings, I’ve never seen one before.” I explain, suggesting that they introduce me.
“Oh, him.” Pinkie smiles. “That's Floyd’s cousin Jason! We found him in a vampony village!” She explains.
“Wait, you mean his human cousin, from before he died and came to Equestria? That’s... quite hard to believe, if I’m honest,” I said.
“Apparently Jason died as well, except in an avalanche.” Maud got up, gesturing for me to follow.
Getting up, I follow her back to the train cart I woke up in, Pinkie Pie following after us.
“Is everything alright?” Blueblood asks, looking at us with concern.
“Well, I guess. Just not as much as it could be. We’re all a bit worried about Floyd. She is in the same position as me after all,” I try and explain.
“I do hope she comes back soon...” Blueblood looks down, pawing at the floor with a hoof.
“I think we all do. She belongs here with you, just like I belong where she is now. But there isn’t much we can do right now but to soldier on, so let’s simply make the best of this time. I think I know a few fun songs or card games,” I say, holding up a deck of cards that I got from my- ahem, Floyd/Pinkie’s mane.
“I do love a good sing along!” Cheese smirked, pulling out his accordion.
“Alright, I got a good one,” I say, hearing the background sounds beginning to harmonize with my choice of song as I put away my deck of cards.
I quickly learnt to artificially induce a heartsong after having Twilight and Pinkie explain how they work to me. My initial goal was to make sure I could prevent getting swept up into them, but I’m not complaining about the result.
“It’s called ‘The Color Song’ and it’s quite easy,” I explain as the music finally sets in. Well, no backing out now.
“This is The Color Song,
Come on and sing along,
Even if you sing it wrong,
Sing it loud and sing it strong.
At the end of every line,
Sing a color that could rhyme,
There’s a few you might not know,
It get’s harder as you go.”
I sing, noticing the others joining me, even though they can’t possibly know the lyrics. I felt myself smile, both at the cheery song and at how we were all singing together. Never thought I’d see Blueblood of all ponies doing that.
“I feel new, when I see...”
I begin singing, stopping before saying the color, letting the others finish without me. The heartsong making them finish without me leading them. This was both a fun experiment, as well as a sincerely fun activity.
We continue singing the song. While we sing, Cheese is going at it with his accordion. The song even manages to rouse Jason and enthrall him to join us as we begin dancing as well as singing. I feel a little bit bad for dragging him into this, but it’s actually for the best since it helps attune ponies to Equestria’s natural magic... Oh right, he’s a changeling, but the fact that he’s still affected must mean something at the very least. Hurray for magic and science everyone.
We all sing together perfectly. I’m certain ponies from the other carts have heard us and are enthralled like the rest of my new friends are. Good thing heartsongs don’t actually prevent you from doing important tasks, such as working a train, otherwise I’d have to expect a good lecture from the ponies running the train.
The song eventually ends. I look around as the last of the notes die down, seeing the others’ impression of the song now that it has released them from its grip. It was perhaps not the best of songs to use for a heart song, but it is a good song and it was the first thing that came up in my head. Perhaps we should use another song with a little more variety in its lyrics next. Fireflies by Owl City perhaps?
“That was quite fun.” Blueblood smiles. “I wonder if Floyd knows any songs like that...?”
“Most likely. I love music, but what was considered popular on Earth would be fairly questionable material in Equestria. A lot of hidden meanings and words inappropriate for foals. I don’t know when exactly, but according to me, music took a hit of bad influence somewhere along the line of development and began to become something stupid. Of course, there are a few good ones that make it through, but the music industry back home is not something I admired. So I got my hooves on everything good and catchy I could find and receded to listening to those artists and lyricless music.” I explain. “If Floyd agrees with me, then it’s possible she never took an interest in music, or lost it. If not... you might not want to have Floyd sing too much in the presence of foals,” I warn.
“Floyd already swears up a storm, I bet he has a lot of music like that.” Pinkie nods, sitting besides me.
I sigh. It honestly doesn’t surprise me. “Well, perhaps I could let you hear one or two more ‘safe’ songs.
“Sure!” Pinkie nods grinning.
“Alright, let me just think of a few.” I respond before getting it. “Got it!” I exclaim after a moment of having thought of the perfect songs. ”Alright. I’ve chosen songs I’m almost certain Floyd will have heard of. They’re called “Fireflies” and “Safety Dance”.” I tell them.
“I’ll ask him when he gets back!” Pinkie beams at me.
I nod and prepare for the songs I’ve chosen. Soon, the notes begin, the piano and other instruments adding from nowhere to Cheese’s accordion and we begin to sing the song.
As we finish singing “Fireflies”, I decide we should take a break. Dancing and singing is fun and all, but it can get really tiring if done in quick succession. I have a newfound respect for stage actors.
“I think we should take a break. Do we have anything to eat and drink?” I ask, trying to recover my breath.
“We have some cider.” Blueblood pulls a bottle out of the other head, passing it to me. “Vintage too!”
“You mean it’s alcoholic?” I ask, a bit curious since I never saw anything suggesting alcohol was a thing in Equestria. Of course, I do realize it’s stupid comparing a real life Equestria to a cartoon, but it hasn’t really failed me so far. The closest thing I could think of was the saltlick bar in Appaloosa.
“Slightly, just don’t drink it all down at once,” he warned, getting some cups out. He poured us all a cup, passing them around.
“Just asking. You know, it’s quite bizarre how Equestria has so many things in common with Earth. Same language, similar holidays and customs... It makes you wonder. How often do ponies, humans or other species switch realities?” I ask, sipping some of the cider.
“I don’t believe that's something we can ever know.” Maud sips at her drink, blinking slowly.
“I suppose. But still, you can’t help but wonder,” I say, taking another sip before turning to Blueblood. “How potent did you say this cider was? I don’t want Floyd to be welcomed back over with a hangover if I can help it.”
“Not very, but it is old so I might be underestimating it.” He replies.
“Besides! We don’t get drunk!” Pinkie smirks. “Just don’t drink too much, I’m pretty sure we can still get alcohol poisoning,” she warns.
I smile. “Of course we don’t get drunk. Do I dare ask what effect caffeine has on us?” I ask.
“I think the best way to describe it would be Freakazoid,” she says.
“I’m assuming that’s something you learned from Floyd?” I ask, not really telling her I have no idea what she means.
“I learned a lot of things from Floyd’s brain! Like if you play Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz at the same time, they totally match up!”
“Huh, didn’t know that. So, you enjoy any of the games from our world?” I ask, remembering that I still have a deck of cards. Perhaps something to do while we rest up a little?
“Well, I did like playing Super Mario Land...” Pinkie tapped her chin. “It was so funny watching Floyd trying to figure out how I was playing.”
“To be honest, I’m a bit jealous,” I say. “I can no longer play any of those games, and being able to enter someone's brain where you can pretty much do anything you want? It’s like Minecraft but with better graphics, or LEGO for that matter.” I try to explain
“I dunno, I can’t hear your thoughts like I can hear his...” She looks down. “It’s kinda lonely...”
“Maybe I have to ‘let you in’ or something?” I theorize before imagining opening a door for Pinkie Pie and then try enabling it by mental commands.
/set Pinkie_Pie Guest
/invite Pinkie_Pie
/whisper Pinkie_Pie Did it work?
“Anything?” I ask, hoping we had at least some form of reaction.
“Uh...nothing. Just static really.” Pinkie made a face, flicking her ears.
“Really? Aww. I don’t have much tricks left in the bag,” I complained as I began imagining things like writing down the game on a scroll, sending it off with dragonfire to Pinkie. Loading it on a USB and throwing it down a chute where Pinkie was at the bottom and stuff like that. Something had to work. I mean, we obviously had some kind of connection since I could see her, and since this was her body... You know, I really should ask her before I do what I just thought of.
“Anything this time?” I ask.
“I think I got something on that last one! Uh... something about an Amityville Toaster?”
I blink a few times. A toaster? “Well, at least it’s food related.” I comment. “I wanted to send you guys a game called ‘100% orange juice’... But that didn’t seem to work. I do have one final idea, but don’t know how well it will work or if I should be trying it. Wanna hear it?” I ask.
“What? Is it something fun?”
“If it works, definitely. I was thinking. I’m in your and Floyd’s body, correct? But I don’t have your memories, or Floyd’s, I’ve kept my own. This means, that my memories were somehow moved over with me, or with my soul. However, memories aren’t just stored in your soul, they’re also stored in your body. So, if would be able to somehow make your body remember something, then you should in theory be able to remember it together with Floyd once I go back,” I explained.
“Let’s try it!” Pinkie smiled, nodding her head. “I’ll try to get you to remember stuff too!”
I nod. “Yeah, alright,” I say. “We will have to first try with something simple, something easy to remember, like a song that gets stuck in your head,” I explain, already beginning to repeat a certain verse in my head over and over again.
“Having fun?” Maud asked with a smirk. “Floyd normally talks to Pinkie in their head.”
“Oh, sorry. I’m not used to speaking with anyone mentally,” I explain, not having realized we could speak to each other that way.
Can you hear me like this Pinkie? I think, hoping for a response.
“Yes ma’am!” She confirms, smiling while saluting.
At least this works. I feel like I’ve been trained in piloting a private jet and then been sat in the cockpit of a Boeing 747. I can probably figure out how to fly it, but it’s going to be one hell of a ride and I might break something and bring other people down with me.
“Oh you’re just being silly! Floyd and I do this all the time!”
Huh, oh no. I was referring to this whole situation. My own body being the private jet, and Floyd’s/yours being the Boeing 747. A lot more controls and and worries. As I said, I’m not used to it, but I can adapt. But it’s all trial and error, what happens if I do some permanent damage, I shouldn’t since I’m careful, but what if?
“If you’re careful then nothing will go wrong! You just gotta smile and keep on trucking!” She says, coming over to hug me but phases through me. I hug her instead, somehow not phasing through her. She needs the contact after one month without a body I believe.
As I release her from the hug, I thank her. Thank you Pinkie. I’m just a bit nervous. What do you say we play a game of cards and then I’ll sing that other song? I ask her.
“Okay!” She smiles. “Cheese! Get the accordion ready!”
“You got it Pinkie!” Cheese smirked, whipping out his instrument again and starting to play it.
No card game then I guess. Oh well, songs it is. I begin inducing the heartsong for “Safety Dance” and the music begins going along with Cheese’s accordion. With the song going on,I can see the other ponies enjoying it as much as I do. Of course they do, it’s a great song.
As we come out from the song though, I remember the next song coming on.
“Alright, the next song is “I can't decide”. It’s a bit less of a happy or peaceful song, so heads up,” I warn them and the music begins.
“Oh so it’s like Life of Brian?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head.
Never seen it, but probably? I don’t know. Just listen to the song yourself and compare. I told her as I began singing. She sang along and even Maud got in on the singing, having a surprisingly good singing voice. Of course, the song itself made it sound a bit weird, since a beautiful voice was made to sing a song like this. Blueblood got a dreamy look on his face, smiling in my direction.
“Oh... one thing,” Pinkie paused singing. “Bluey and Floyd are kinda dating now.” Pinkie mentions, making me almost lose my balance. I manage to keep it but still felt a bit put off by the thought. I have nothing against either Floyd or Blueblood dating, but to have somepony attracted to me like that, even if it’s only because I’m in the loved one’s body... That didn’t feel right.
What a time to mention it. I’m still questioning my sexuality after having become a pony, as well as having switched gender. I’ve only been in Equestria for about a week. I tell Pinkie.
“Well, it if makes you feel any better, Floyd is asexual.”
Wait, so it’s a purely romantic relationship? Or not even that? I’ve heard of friends with benefits, but an asexual dating relationship? That’s new.
“It’s a romantic one silly.” Pinkie paused, looking around. “I still need to talk to Floyd about... ya know... estrus...”
I can imagine. I’m a bit worried about it myself, hopefully my Equestria’s Pinkie will help me out. I imagine it being something that either doesn’t bother us since we were once humans and I’d like to think it wouldn’t affect our minds much, or, it won’t be pretty. But I’d recommend telling her before it happens. You don’t want her waking up before you and begin wandering around before you awaken. She’d be very confused regardless of what happens.
“We share a dream land so I doubt that’ll happen.”
Well, that’s convenient. Good thing, unfortunately I don’t have the same luxury with my Pinkie, we only share a room.
“Is your Pinkie nice? She’s not like cupcake Pinkie, is she?”
No! She’s much like she is in the show, if you’ve seen it yet. Actually, if you have, have you seen anything that hasn’t happened yet? I ask her.
“You mean like the mid-season five finale? With Luna and that weird nightmare thing?”
Um... maybe? I don’t think I actually know what you mean. I only got to the episode called “Appleoosa's Most Wanted,” the next one didn’t have time to come out before I found myself in Equestria... You mean Floyd has seen episodes I haven’t even had the possibility of watching. Lucky her... err, him? Should I refer to Floyd as male or female? I ask her, only now realizing I hadn’t bothered asking it earlier.
“He doesn’t care.” Pinkie shook her head.
Ah, right. Well, I’ve come to identify as female since I came to Equestria. I’m more concerned about my cutie mark. While I do live up to Pinkie’s, I still feel like I don’t really deserve it, like I’m stealing Pinkie’s talent.
“It’s all about perspective, really.” Pinkie looks me over. “I mean, do you have any idea the amount of soul crushing guilt Floyd has right now?” She asks.
I’m not going to claim that I do. He could feel less than me, or more than me. I don’t know. What I do know, is that I’ve still got a lot of options to explore, so I still hold onto the hope that I’ll find something. It’s a big world, and we already know there’s more than two worlds out there. There would be a solution out there somewhere, right?
“You could ask the princesses to make you a new body.”
I could. But the question is, should I? I don’t think it was a coincidence that I suddenly found myself in the body I did. Also, I’m quite happy with the body, I should accept the burdens that come with it, trying to overcome these burdens is the cost for having the body. That’s what I think.
“If that's how you want to see it.” Pinkie nods. “I just want Floyd to be happy...”
I nod at that. Of course you do. She’s family, right? And if she gets her own body, you get to have yours back, and you can spend time together doing things you can’t do right now.
“Of course she’s family! He may or may not be a reincarnation of my little sister Shale!” Pinkie beamed.
Shale, I don’t remember any Shale. I thought you were the youngest in your family. Or is that something that differs from the show? I ask.
“My sister Shale was the youngest... she was stillborn...” Pinkie looked away, sadness bleeding into her voice.
I’m sorry. But you think Floyd is Shale reincarnated? I ask. wondering if that’s a possibility in my Equestria as well.
“Well, he keeps having weird dreams where he is Shale so... yeah, maybe?”
Have you asked Princess Luna about it?
“Not yet, she’s busy trying to make Floyd’s new body with Celestia.”
She can’t be that busy, can she? I’m certain she could make room in her schedule somewhere if you sent in a request for an official audience. I’m sure she and Celestia are still performing their duties. No offense, but as rulers, helping one or two subjects, even if one of them is one of the Element bearers, isn’t as important as the needs of the rest of Equestria. If you briefly become “one of the others” by seeking an audience that way, you’d be giving yourself a bit more time. Don’t you think? I ask while panting from the exhaustion of having both sung and danced to the song. Outwardly I ask the others what they thought. “So, now that you’ve heard, what do you guys think?” I ask them, looking at the reactions I can already see.
“Well... it was... something...” Cheese commented. “Wasn’t a fan of the lyrics at all...”
“I don’t sing very often.” Maud went back to her notes, marking off a few things.
“See why it isn’t really an Equestria appropriate song? Imagine going out and singing it in Canterlot, making everypony sing it with you. I don’t think any of them would be pleased to find themselves singing it, especially the Princesses,” I say, making them consider how heartsongs could be weaponized to attack someone’s psyche.
“It’s fine.” Maud turned a page. “Floyd has already told us stories like Fallout.”
“I see. Well, hopefully he’s either seen or played the game Eternal Sonata. It’s quite a tragic tale about a bunch of characters. One of them who somehow ended up in their world while on his deathbed, and begins believing they’re all a part of his mind. In the end, he turns against all his friends, trying to kill them, believing it will let him wake up, only to die himself in both worlds,” I tell them as I think back to the ending. “If he has played it, or heard of it, I hope he won’t follow his example. We humans can be very... tricky when it comes to sanity,” I warn them.
“Floyd already proves that.” Maud turned another page.
I simply nod at that. Saying nothing, I go over to where the cider is and pour myself some more before taking a sip. Thinking to myself, I consider if I should give them a taste of a song just a little bit different.
Hey, Pinkie, what do you think about singing a fanmade song from the brony fandom? I ask her for her opinion. She already knows of the show, it’s not a long shot that the others would as well. Floyd doesn’t seem to be restraining himself much considering what he’s already told the others.
“What kinda song? Is it nice? Disco? No wait! It’s techno!!” Pinkie pranced around, a big grin on her face.
I wonder. Equestria didn’t have any troubles providing the music for the other songs, so it’s not a long shot. The music I was considering is the song called Discord, more specifically the remix by Living Tombstone. I tell her.
“Let’s do it!” She nodded, increasing her bouncing.
Have you heard it before? Just wondering.
“Nope!!”
“Guys, what do you think of another song? This one isn’t like the last one. It’s a bit more creative and not such a downer. It’s also more of an Equestrian song in the sense that it’s about Discord,” I explain, hoping to spark their interest.
“It’s not about singing ooze is it?” Blueblood asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Singing ooze?” I ask. “You mean like the Smooze? Nah, it’s more of a song someone thought of after Discord’s return. I’m planning on singing it to him after he’s released to be reformed by Fluttershy back in my Equestria.” I tell them.
“That's... marginally better...” Blueblood nodded.
“Let’s do that! I had so much fun singing that Smooze song with Floyd!” Cheese
exclaims happily.
As I set my mind to it, I feel the song coming on. The quite rapid tempo of the song pulling me in as I begin to sing. I say, singing it with Pinkie’s voice makes it sound quite different but it still works. Cheese and Pinkie get out of their seats, starting to dance, despite Pinkie phasing through him at times. The echoing effect the background music adds to my voice to let me sing the parts where Discord’s name stutters was a nice addition. Was it really possible to sing anything during a heartsong?
Once the song ends, I hear someone clapping from behind.
“What a lovely little song! I had no idea humans liked me so much!” I turned to see Discord floating behind me, grinning.
“You kidding? Your first appearance was glorious. Sure, you were cast as a villain, but you never really hurt anyone. You discorded the element bearers and spread chaos, but to us humans? You were a riot! Sure, we wouldn’t enjoy all the chaos you spread, but we wouldn’t mind a little of it. Besides, our world is already a bit more chaotic than yours, so we would probably ask you to keep yourself to life-affirming chaos and teach you about positive sum games. With that, no one would complain,” I try and explain to him.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but considering you aren’t trying to stab me, I guess you’re not Floyd.”
I shake my head. “No, I somehow switched places with Floyd. Hopefully it’s only temporary. About life-affirming chaos, it’s chaos that instead of annoying everyone, it’s merely chaos that can be enjoyed, or won’t be blamed on you. I mean, instead of switching the colors of the ground and sky, then flipping everything upside down and tell everyone it’s all right side up, you go into an art museum, bring with you a bunch of paintings painted by art students meant to look like some of the actual art and sit there improving the copies. Once you’re done, you leave and sell the copies. You haven’t done anything, but your reputation tells otherwise. The ponies will do all the chaos themselves trying to figure out which of the paintings is the real one, and what you did. Meanwhile you sit down and relax, while you can honestly say you didn’t do anything wrong,” I try and explain it. “You haven’t harmed anyone, they just think so, all the damage will be made by them. As for an all positive sum game, it’s a situation where everyone involved wins. Celestia wanted you to use your powers for good, right? Who says you can’t continue to spread chaos like that?” I suggest.
“I already do that,” Discord stated calmly, “but, why on Halla would I need money?”
“To put in the royal treasury and enjoy the chaos while watching the royal accountants trying to figure out where it came from?” I ask, grinning at him. “If you’re lucky, they might even try hiding it from the Princesses in fear of what would happen if they get found out on having made a mistake or something,” I add.
“Why on Halla would I do that?” Discord asked. “I have enough fun doing chaos as it is, I don’t need to go alienating my friends by wrecking the economy.”
“It would hardly count as wrecking the economy,” I point out. “And I was just giving suggestions. I only have limited knowledge of you, so I made a few assumptions,” I explain.
“Well, I don’t go around screwing over my friends.” Discord crossed his arms, huffing.
“Is that why you brought that horrible slime monster to the Gala?” Blueblood asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Smooze is not a slime!” Discord fired back. “At least I’m liked!”
“Oh that is low.” Blueblood snorted, narrowing his eyes.
“Wait, he brought a Smooze to the Gala? Did it sing?” I ask.
“No, but Floyd broke into a song! It was awesome!” Cheese smirked, throwing his arms out. “Ole’ Smooze was the backup!”
“I don’t think Floyd expected to break into song.” Pinkie tapped her chin. “He was kinda weirded out.”
“I can imagine. It was kind of the reason I learnt to induce heartsongs myself. I was trying to find a way to break out of one in case I didn’t want to be part of one, but also learnt how to induce them as well. Wait, is heartsong the right term, or do you guys call it something else here?” I ask.
“It’s the Soul Song!” Pinkie smiled. “It’s an audible manifestation of harmony!” She smiles at Discord’s incredulous look. “I study too ya know.”
“I suppose I should ask Twilight what it’s called in our Equestria. I only call it a heartsong because that is the only term I’ve heard of before that fit. But soul song sounds good too. But do you know how they actually work?” I ask, wondering if they worked like in my Equestria.
“It’s said that The Soul Song is an expression of a soul, full of raw emotion, both good and bad.” Pinkie nodded, getting a sagely look on her face.
“So... What does that say about me, somepony able to chose when to start one?” I ask, interested in hearing what their thoughts on it would be.
“Well, that means you’re in touch with the real you, even if you don’t realize it.” Pinkie smiled. “It’s a rare gift to have.”
“Well, that’s reassuring to hear. I wonder what else such knowledge can be used for. Could a pony of such caliber, yet without a cutie mark decide it themselves?” I theorize but shake my head. “Nah, down that road lies madness, the bad kind,” I say.
“I dunno, meeting Sheogorath sounds like a lot of fun!” Pinkie smirked.
“The reference is lost on this one, I’m afraid,” I tell her.
“It’s from Elder Scrolls! Floyd let me play it a few times! I made a khajiit bard!”
“Ah, that explains it. I never really bothered to get any of the games. So I never played them,” I explain. “Actually, Floyd seems to have had an extensive library of games. But how about movies?” I ask.
“Well of course! He was a film student afterall!”
“Well, that’s cool. I was very indecisive when I was younger. Learnt a lot, but never really specialized in anything. I ended up doing a bunch of part time jobs and tried being an author, never hit it big though,” I told her.
She nodded. “So...what were you before? I know humans don’t have as much differences as ponies, but Floyd was Navajo. What were you?”
“Scandinavian,” I say, wondering if she knows about them from Floyd like everything else.
“Oh so, viking? Got it!”
I frown at the joke, even though I know she means no offense. “Vikings were a long time ago, and not every single Scandinavian were vikings,” I inform her.
“What? Did I say something wrong?” she whimpered, her ears flattening a little.
“Sorry, it’s just that... Vikings can be seen as a derogatory term. Vikings are usually referred to as plunderers and beasts. Not really pleasant to be associated with people who raided others homes, killing and raping for a living. As well as hanging up recently killed animals and sometimes humans in trees to their gods,” I explain.
“I’ll have you know, I’m a practicing viking,” Jason spoke up, buzzing his wings.
“So you’ve participated in sacrificial feasts then?” I ask.
“I grew up in a Christian zealot household, what do you think?”
“So no? How did you practice it then?” I ask, genuinely curious. Me being put off about being called a viking forgotten for the moment.
“As best I could. Then I got kicked out and lived with Floyd for a while. He uh... was an actively practicing Navajo at the time.”
“Is that those that don’t use technology and actively fight against having telephone poles going across their land?” I ask.
“I think you’re talking about the Amish.” Jason frowned. “The Navajo are a Native American tribe.”
“Oh, my mistake,” I say, a bit embarrassed. “I never really paid attention during geography and religion...” I explain, blushing a bit while rubbing the back of my head. “I shouldn't really have gotten a passing grade in 6th grade geography, but I somehow made it through anyway. And I didn’t know the name of a single river or mountain range at the time, heck, I was still confusing west and east from time to time,” I explain.
“Wow, you were worse than me. That's an accomplishment.”
“Yeah, not the proudest period of my life. But seriously, who needs to know the names of every river and mountain in Europe? Besides, I had just picked up my love for reading and was reading the Eragon series,” I say, trying to explain myself somewhat. “I was reading each and every recess. Enough to get somewhat bullied.”
“You sound like Twilight.” Pinkie giggled.
“I wasn’t that into books, I was very picky but I did read a lot once I found a good book. Possibly one of the reasons I became fairly quick when it came to reading. Helped me out a lot later on,” I explain, maybe just a little bit proud about how much faster I could finish certain task due to being quick with reading instructions and such.
“You keep telling yourself that.” Jason snickered a little.
“Yeah, I’m switching topic. So... what’s with the tail? If you don’t mind me wondering. I thought changelings didn’t have those,” I ask. Jason blushed, looking away.
“Jason is a Changeling King,” Blueblood spoke up, “The male equivalent of the queen. They’re usually solitary, and only join hives for the duration of mating season.”
“Well, I do not want to ask my follow up question anymore,” I say, looking around the room to find something to distract myself with or use to start another conversation topic or hope someone else would pick up the conversation and steer it in another direction.
“Have you met your new family yet?” Maud ask, looking up from her book.
I nod. “Yeah, I’m not really comfortable with calling them ma and pa yet, and it’s not official yet. The correct adoption forms take some time to go through the system, but we’re getting there. Soon I’ll officially be a part of the Pie family back in my Equestria,” I say with a smile.
“Limestone is not a good pony.” Maud blinked, casually insulting her sister.
I frown a bit at that. “I’m sorry to hear you say that about her. When I met her, she did come over as kind of grumpy and pushy, but in the end she’s not actually that bad. Although, she could be different since we are speaking of two different Equestrias...” I say, a bit worried about Maud saying something like that about her own sister. Didn’t sound like the Limestone I knew or the on from the show.
“Have you ever wondered why I don’t show any emotion or why Marble is worse than Fluttershy?” Maud asked, sitting up. Pinkie went quiet, not saying anything.
“I’d like to think that it isn’t her fault. I don’t want to say that she wants everything to be like it is. But I have little say here in your world. Here, you’re the ones who know best, all I can do is comment, and try and help,” I say with a sad tinge in my voice. I really don’t want to think of Limestone like that, not after having bonded with her with music.
“Limestone used to push us around as foals...” Pinkie started, not looking at me. “She’d always scream and yell. Maud took most of it for us... Twilight told me that Maud become so introverted as a defense mechanism...”
“Can... can we speak about something else. It’s not a pleasant topic as far as I can tell, and I’m not comfortable speaking about my future sister like that, even if it’s another version of her. Unless it’s something you really have to get off your chests, that is,” I say with an almost pleading voice. It’s cruel for them to have lived through something like that. It’s different, yet so much like the ponies I met on the rock farm. Of course, I had spoken with all of them and had learnt a little about them. Their stories were already contradicting what Maud and Pinkie were telling me about their upbringing.
“Okay!” Pinkie smiled, though her smile was a little off. “So... umm... now what?”
I sigh. I don’t really have any suggestions. I’ve been awake in this world for less than an hour, and we’ve already spoken about so much. Perhaps something to simply pass the time, like Blueblood and Cheese did. I had already suggested a card game. Perhaps I should suggest an advanced card game?
“I think I might have a suggestion.” I say, pulling out a box on which it says “Chaos”. “And I think you’ll be interested in this as well Discord, this is a game made by another you after all.” I say, letting him try and figure out what that would imply before adding on more onto that. “Well, a much, much older version of you who’s stuck in a time loop, but still. I think we can all enjoy a game to pass the time.”
“Ooh! Sounds like fun!” Discord smirked, cracking his fingers. “Let’s play!!”
“Sure, let’s just get the rules figured out. Why don’t you read them Discord?” I ask, handing him the instructions. “So, who else is interested to play?” I ask.
Looking over the cards that had just been put down and the large amount of points now stacked in Maud’s favor, I consider my own cards and notice a way out of here that means I can walk away with dignity.
“Alright, in response to Maud’s ‘Cotton candy sheep,’ I put down ‘Upside down forest,’ taking all of Cheese’s land while neutralizing all of Blueblood’s troops because they sold their gravity boots,” I say, knowing it won’t be that easy.
“But that activates my ‘Brave hero’ and ‘Friend on the field’ cards, meaning my diving elephants come to their rescue and you lose half of your candy corn stock!” Pinkie Pie points out, grinning from ear to ear. Discord has let the others hear her by letting her voice through a speaker.
“Hah!, but that means my ‘Monkeys in a barrel’ get loose, and because of the upside down forest, they can move faster than your elephants. Meaning I am the one getting half of your popcorn and have to give all my land to Discord, meaning we all lose and Discord wins. But because of Discord’s card, ‘Only my chaos, and I stand alone.’ anything given to him gives him negative points, meaning he goes down to zero and loses as well,” I say, concluding the game without a winner.
“But I have ‘Atlantis rises,’” Maud says, putting down a card that means she survives the fall and instead wins the game, stealing all our points.
Well. Not everything can always go your way. I think to myself.
“I don’t...” Jason looked around, a very confused look on his face. “The fuck just happened?”
“While I normally abhor such crude language, I think that is the best way to describe what just occurred,” Blueblood nodded, looking just as confused.
“Well, the easiest way to describe it would most likely be that we just played a game of ‘Chaos,’ a game thought up by a multiverse hopping Discord who’s several multitudes older than some of those multiverses. And Maud won, in what was technically less than ten turns... And it took us three hours... But that’s not important, is it? After all, we had fun, didn’t we?” I ask, looking at the others.
“I guess?” Jason asked, rubbing his chin.
“Then that is all you need to know, and all that matters,” I say, scooping up the cards, pieces and other additional accessories required to play the game properly and put them in the box that I stuff into my mane. I call it my mane while I’m the one here in control, after all, I’m able to get my stuff from it, not whatever Floyd or Pinkie had in there. So the hammer space really is personalized like that. Who knew?
Looking around, I make sure I didn’t forget anything.
“Hey, Discord. I know it might be a bit late for asking this, but there aren’t any ill effects from adding matter to a universe, are there?” I ask, a bit worried what additional mass could do since there was a finite amount of energy and matter in a universe and I might have just upset that balance.
“Nah, you’re fine.” Discord shook his head. He was going to say more when the train’s whistle went off and it started to slow down.
“Oh good! We’re here!” Blueblood hopped to his hooves, stretching his limbs out.
“Oh, right. We were all headed to Fillydelphia. What are we doing here anyways?” I ask while taking care of the saddlebags Floyd used.
“We’re seeing the country!” Pinkie smiled, “We’re seeing all the sights!”
“It helps Floyd take her mind off things.” Maud pulled on her own saddlebags, looking at me.
“Well, then how long are we staying? It wouldn’t feel right if Floyd missed out on this because of me,” I ask, hoping they’re not on any kind of tight schedule.
“A few days at most.” Maud nodded. “As long as nothing crazy happens like the last few stops.”
“Vamponies?” I ask.
“There was that, those bandits, that time we met that Diamond Dog pack that was based on Metal Gear...” Pinkie blathered on, recounting the more exciting parts of their adventure.
“I just have to say it. Your Equestria is a bit on the extreme and weird side according to me. Fortunately, you don’t live in a ‘bureau’ universe. I don’t think any human could live as a pony in that kind of world,” I state, as we begin disembarking the train.
“Bureau?” Cheese asked, following behind me.
“A terrible variant and mockery of your world. It varies with how it happens, but the basics are that Equestria and the Human world interact with each other, making travel between them possible. It usually starts off peacefully, trade agreements and such, but soon, a deadly magical field begins to travel over the human world, painfully killing humans that come into contact with the magic. Ponies are however immune to this magic. Equestria offers salvation in the form of a potion that turns humans into ponies. Only there’s a catch. Anyone who becomes a pony, becomes eternally loyal to Celestia, the one who originally released the magic upon the humans. From there on out, it’s war. It differs, some ponies side with the humans, some live their lives unknowing in Equestria. It’s not pleasant. I can only offer comfort with the possibility that there are no such worlds, but if there are, it’s possible there are multiple. It’s best not to think about it,” I tell them. While scary thoughts like that may not be pleasant, it’s better to know than to be in the dark.
“That sounds horrible...” Pinkie shudders, “I don’t want to go to that place!”
“And you most likely never will,” I state firmly. “Besides, while I am informing you of these things, they are first and foremost the ideas and thoughts of an author. They’re not necessarily true,” I point out. “While Equestria is a real place, and there are multiples of it, before I ended up here it was all fiction to me. And none of the Equestrias really add up to the one I knew of from the show. It is entirely possible, that it was simply a coincidence that someone managed to make a show that is almost identical to your world. And perhaps that’s it. What if the three, possibly four worlds we know of are all there is?” I ask, hoping to once again steer the conversation away from too dark territory.
“Who knows.” Blueblood shrugged. “Come on, let’s go get checked into the hotel and get settled in.” He moved out of the station, trying to flag down a taxi.
“A hotel. It’s been a while since I was last slept in a hotel. I don’t usually go on vacation,” I explain to the others.
“Lucky for you, it’s the best hotel in the city!” Blueblood beamed back, though his smile dropped a little.
“Wow. Don’t think I’ve ever been to a five star hotel. Only ever been to a four star one. What’s the occasion? I doubt you’re paying for the best in each and every place you visit. While comfort is important, money management is as well,” I point out.
“Let me worry about the expenses dear. Besides, I think we could all use the luxury after our previous destination...” Blueblood shuddered, rubbing his neck.
“Okay.” I say before my curiosity gets the better of me. “may I ask a somewhat personal question or two?” I ask him.
“Hm?” he asked looking at me. “Oh. Yes of course.”
“Well, from what I heard of you from my friends in my Equestria, they didn’t have the most favourable opinion of you. Yet, here we are, and Pinkie Pie doesn’t act in any way I would have expected her to do from how they describe you to me. Did you guys work out your differences or did the incident at the Gala not happen here?” I ask.
“It was an act,” Blueblood clarified, “It’s an act I put on to chase off gold diggers. Works like a charm, though my reputation has suffered...”
“Ah, that was one of the theories I prefered over others. May I say that it was a good charade? I was also wondering if Blueblood was your full name or just your family name. It’s something I never got clarified,” I explained.
“My full name is Blueblood Platinum, but I usually just go by Blueblood.”
“I see. You should hear how many titles and names the fandom came up with. Some were actually really good. One of my favorites were Vladimir Blueblood. The funny thing is, nopony knew his name, since everypony always called him Blueblood, not even Celestia remembered. And just like you, it was all a charade. In fact, he was almost at the same level as Twilight, better than her in some areas. He fooled everyone, and once he had a certain adventure he revealed his charade and left Canterlot, no longer a prince due to circumstances. But he was happy and had the respect of pretty much everypony except the nobles who simply disliked him for having managed to outwit every single one of them,” I explain, remembering one of the first MLP fanfics I read.
“Good for me?” he asked with a blink.
“You’ll never believe who first found out about his charade and helped him keep it, or what his favorite hobby was.” I say, challenging him to actually try and imagine another version of himself.
“Uh... okay?” Blueblood rubbed the side of his head. “I don’t mean to insult you but Floyd is a much better storyteller. She doesn’t leave her audience confused...”
“Never claimed to be a storyteller. Besides it’s the abridged version of the story, and the story itself is hard to follow. I read it more than once and didn’t get it all. Well, you going to guess or shall I just tell?” I ask him.
“You can just tell me.”
“Well, the first pony to figure it out was surprisingly Rarity. She happened to stumble upon him while he was out doing his hobby and they managed to get to talk without her trying to kill him. His hobby was geology,” I say, looking over at Maud to see if she reacted to it in any way. Maud just looked over, raising her eyebrow.
“Well, my personal hobby is astronomy.” Blueblood tapped his chin. “I just don’t see myself in the dirt. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get dirt out of a white coat?”
“Yeah, got mauled into the dirt a few times during my first week. But I’d say it’s worth it if it’s for your hobby,” I say.
“Are we gonna check in or what?” Jason asked, a little impatient. “I’d rather you know, not get chased out of town.”
“Aren’t we waiting for a taxi?” I ask.
“Oh yeah...” Jason buzzed his wings, looking around. “I uh...don’t like being out like this for some reason...”
“Couldn’t you take on a disguise?” I ask, wondering why he didn’t if he was uncomfortable like he was.
“Do you know how? Because I don’t,” he shot back.
“I have theories, that’s it. What have you tried so far?” I ask.
“I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention,” Jason muttered, looking around every so often.
“We have an expert coming to meet us here,” Blueblood cut in, “On loan from my auntie.”
“Oh, well I guess that’s better than expending effort on guessing games. Sorry, Jason. Looks like you have to stay yourself for a while,” I say.
“Yeah yeah...” he grumbled, scratching his neck against a pole.
Pinkie leaned over. “He’s starting to molt.”
“Um, molt?” I ask. Not sure if I I’ve heard anything like that in any changeling fanfics before. Wait, did Jason realize?
“It sucks...” Jason whined, buzzing his wings to punctuate his point.
“Like most insects, changelings molt. They do it less frequently when they reach full maturity.” Blueblood watched with a frown. “I’ve been told its most... unpleasant.”
“Ah... I imagined molting wouldn’t be as unpleasant if you had been changeling from the beginning. I mean, it’s natural to changelings, shouldn’t it be something they’d just shrug off?” I hypothesize.
“Well, no. You see, right after a molting, a changeling is soft and squishy, very vulnerable. Imagine with you wore armor 24/7 and then suddenly had to shed it for a few days. How would you feel?” Blueblood asked.
I shivered, yeah, I imagined it wouldn’t help much with cold or heat resistance either. Wait, days?
“Wait, days? It really takes that long, aren’t you supposed to molt when the new chitin is already ready to come out and the old one becomes too small to contain the new one?” I ask. I’m fairly certain that’s how it works for spiders.
“It takes time for the new chitin to harden. Not only that, but kings are more heavily armored than the rest of the species, so it takes longer for them.”
“Wait, so the chitin is already there, just takes really long to harden?” I ask.
“That is correct.” Blueblood nodded. “So I imagine Jason’s instincts are telling him to go find someplace safe to molt in privacy.”
“I can imagine. But about it taking days, are you speaking from experience, from having been told or both?” I ask, wondering if I would be able to help with some of my random insect trivia.
“Are you asking if I’m a changeling?” Blueblood asked, raising his eyebrow.
“I was asking if this was the first time Jason was molting and if it’s a fact that it takes days, or if it varies. Depending on the answer, I might know a way or two to reduce the time it takes for the chitin to harden,” I explain.
“Jason has only been with us for the past week, poor fellow is rather malnourished as it is. But yes, I have some experience with changelings molting.”
“I see. I was just theorizing that like other insects, heat, like staying in the sun would help harden the chitin. Also, you say he’s starving?!” I ask a bit distressed.
“I was,” Jason piped in, “Vampires don’t give off a lot of love...”
“The vamponies had him locked in the basement. They thought he was some kinda spy but that's just silly.” Cheese chuckled a little.
“I’m guessing you’ve fed on the love of this group and being in close proximity is enough for you?” I ask.
“I think, I don’t really know a lot about being a changeling...” Jason admitted, giving a sheepish smile.
“Meh, that can always be fixed. You’re meeting an expert, and every living moment is more experience to your name. Say, what would happen if you received love directed at you while undisguised?” I ask, wondering where the line between love and other emotions could be drawn. Did you feel love after meeting an old roommate of yours? Had Floyd already done that?
“I already get that from Floyd, but I can’t tell you if there's a difference.” Jason paused in his scratching. “I didn’t actually eat until Floyd and these guys found me. I didn’t think family bonds tasted like cotton candy...”
“Huh, alright. Let’s see how adoring love works,” I say, trying to bring forth all my love for changelings and trying to remember all the cute pictures I’ve seen of them on devianart, trying to focus them all on Jason. In addition, I tried to actually see the appeal behind Jason himself. While I wasn’t attracted to him, I still felt fascinated with him.
“Uh... you’re staring at me...” Jason blinks, looking a bit uncomfortable.
“Nothing? Aww, I was hoping my love for changelings would at least be worth something,” I complain, feeling a bit down at being unable to help.
“I don’t even know how to properly eat.” Jason moves over, patting my head. “So... don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“Wait, so you were basically force fed your first and only meal? That is both sad and hilarious at the same time.
“Um... yes...” he nods, blushing brightly.
“Well, you can be excused on account of being in an unfamiliar body. I have my own hiccups, so you’re not alone,” I say, trying to help him feel a bit more comfortable. He smiles at me, nodding his head.
“Ah! Here we are!” Blueblood smiled as a taxi pulled up. He gave the driver directions, gesturing for us to get in.
I get in the taxi and get seated, trying to get comfortable with the saddlebags on before opting to take them off and hold them in my front hooves instead while sitting down.
“Keep that close, alright?” Maud asked, looking at the saddlebags.
“Of course. In fact,” I say, showing the saddlebags into my mane for safe keeping. “I should really have done that from the beginning. Nopony else can take them now, and I can’t possibly lose them.” I say smiling.
“I... still don’t understand how you do that...” Blueblood frowned, staring at my mane.
“Well, in short term it’s like a hammer space. Although, it’s a bit more complicated, I don’t think I can put it into words,” I say, wondering if I could even explain it to myself.
“Okay...” he blinked, looking away as the taxi started to move.
“Actually, how much has Floyd and Jason told you all about humans?” I ask.
“Floyd can’t stand the train rides,” Maud began, “So she talks a lot to fill the time.”
“I see. I was just wondering, because there are many different ways to describe humans,” I explain.
“Floyd talked a lot about his time growing up on a ‘reservation’,” Maud blinked. “I don’t think he likes talking about what the word means.”
“Well, I could explain, but it might be better if Floyd does himself,” I say. “Otherwise, would you guys like to hear the scariest description of a human?” I ask, seeing a golden opportunity to give a unique perspective on humans.
“Is this like Fallout?” Pinkie asked. “Like raiders and stuff?”
“No, it’s more of a description of how a human could be explained by an alien,” I clarified.
“Ooh! Sounds fun!” Pinkie says.
“Oh yes, it gives quite the perspective with how it portrays humans. So what do you guys say, wanna hear it?” I ask, looking at the others since Pinkie already seems alright with the idea. They all nodded, getting comfy.
Clearing my throat, I begin.
“Human beings are scary.
We breathe corrosive gas, drink one of the most potent solvents.
Our preferred method of hunting was persistence hunting, where we chased animals until their body simply gave up and died.
We can eat just about anything we find, which means we don’t need to stop for food when chasing our prey.
If we can’t find food, that’s fine. Our body will simply begin to eat itself so that we don’t have to stop chasing our prey.
We walk upright, we sweat, we don’t have much body hair, which allows us to radiate away our body heat. This means excessive time or extreme environment won’t stop our hunts.
If the animal fights back against us, we can take massive damage to our extremities and lose half our blood and still live.
Our entire existence is owed to persistence, endurance, and determination. When we put ourselves to a task, it gets done, period. And this instinct still affects us today,” I finish. "There is some more, but the rest is mostly examples from human history that really show off how persistent and determined humans can be,” I explain. “The funny thing is, more than a few things in the description also apply to ponies and most other creatures, but they do make it all sound cooler,” I say.
“That's not too scary...” Cheese muttered, looking away, an uncertain look on his face.
“Well, perhaps not to you, but to someone who is, or once was a human, to hear yourself described like something like that. Imagine being hunted by something like that. In a way, it’s frightening. And then you realize, you are what you just found frightening...” I try putting it into words.
“Well, let’s talk about something else shall we?” Blueblood suggested.
“Sure. So, what is there to see in this city anyway?” I ask.
“A lot of things, silly!” Pinkie giggled. “What else?”
I shrug. “I don’t think I can come up with much more to talk about,” I say.
“Got any pets?”
“Hm, I’ve had pets, but at the moment I don’t. Or I mean I didn’t have any as I came to Equestria,” I explain.
“Do you have any now?”
“No. I’ve only been in Equestria for a week. I can’t fully take care of myself yet. We’re still getting me settled, and I’ll need a job with a steady income before I can think of having a pet,” I point out.
“Floyd has one! It’s an adorable little ferret named Quantum!” Pinkie grinned. “He can do all sorts of stuff like us!”
“I guess Quantum is a fitting name in that case.” I nod.
“Ferrets are just so cute! You know some humans call them cat snakes?” Pinkie grinned, bouncing a little.
“No, I didn’t know that. But that does sound fitting as well.” I say.
“Apparently, snakes are known as danger noodles.” Pinkie giggled. “How can a noodle be dangerous?” She asks.
“Well, noodles are food, and all food is dangerous if you overfeed, get food poisoned or choke. Otherwise, I think they’re called danger noodles because ‘danger’ tells you they’re dangerous. Otherwise, people wouldn’t be as cautious around them, but if you add dangerous as a warning...” I explain my theory to Pinkie.
“I think you’re overthinking it,” She chuckled, waving me off.
“Perhaps, but that’s what I do. I’m a creative thinker. I might not be the smartest, but I sure am creative. And since I enjoy a challenge when it comes to thinking... You get the idea.”
“Actually, what do you all say about a few riddles?” I ask, suddenly realizing it was something we hadn’t done.
“Ooh, now that sounds fun!” Blueblood nodded, grinning.
“So, who wants to start?” I ask, picking out a riddle of my own.
“Why don’t you?” he asked, sitting up in excitement.
“Sure, fine, but it’s a hard one. Here goes.”
“A pony, living at the eleventh floor of a skyscraper, rides the elevator down and goes to work each day. Coming home, the pony goes up the elevator to the fifth floor and walks up the stairs to the eleventh floor to get home. Why?” I ask them.
“Gee that's a tough one...” Cheese frowned, rubbing his chin.
“Think about it for a while. Meanwhile, maybe someone else has another one?” I ask.
“Okay, so you're in a room with no doors or windows, only a chainsaw and a table. How do you get out?” Jason asked, grinning.
“Oh, that one sounds tough. I’m not sure about it, but I imagine making a battering ram to ram the walls isn’t an option.” I say.
“Want the answer?” Jason asked.
“Hey, wait. At least give the others a chance. Riddles are no fun if you’re instantly handed the answer,” I complain.
“True.” He nodded, adjusting his wings.
“Anyone else have another one, because I got one more,” I ask. They all shook their heads.
“I guess it’s up to me to give you guys some more brain fuel, huh? Alright, this one is even harder, if you need to, I can give hints to both of my riddles as well.”
“Coming home, a pony doesn’t notice the sawdust on the carpet. Not realizing all their furniture’s legs have been cut shorter, they die. How and why?” I ask them.
“Uh... I dunno!” Pinkie smiled.
“Well, you’ve got time to figure them out. Meanwhile I’ll be thinking about Jason’s.” I say as I begin to ponder. Jason smirked, scratching his neck again, waiting for my answer.
I scratch my head, trying to figure out what the answer could be. However, I come up empty on all but one thing.
“Nah, that one’s hard. It reminds me of a similar one I heard before, but I don’t think it has the same answer. The one I heard went ‘You are in a room with no windows, doors or any exit. The only items are a mirror and a table. How do you escape?’ but yours was different,” I say, frowning to myself. Having heard a similar riddle, my head keeps trying to steer my thinking back to that one, making it even harder to try and figure out an answer.
“Want the answer yet?” Jason asks.
“Fine, if no one else wants to make I guess, I vote for you to at least give us a clue,” I say, a little frustrated at this riddle.
“You gotta use the table.” He grabbed Blueblood’s head, using his horn to better scratch his neck.
“... Do you have to saw the table in half and put it against the wall?” I ask, wondering if the solution would at the very least be similar.
“Ooh... so close!” He sighed in relief, getting an annoyed look from Blueblood.
“Well, I’m pretty much out of ideas from there on out, you guys?” I ask the others, not willing to rob them of their tries.
“Well obviously you put your chainsaw down and listen to the singer!” Cheese smirked, seeing to be in his own little world.
“I don’t have anything.” Maud shrugged, looking out the window.
“Well, I guess we give up then. What’s the answer?” I ask.
“You cut the table in half, because two halves make a hole.”
I facehoof. “It is the same answer... Just without the mirror and a little bit easier. The one I’ve heard, the answer was “Look in the mirror, then at the wall and back at the mirror to see what you saw. Use the saw to cut the table in half and join the two halves to make a whole. Put the “hole” on the wall and climb out.” I explain. “But I guess it’s one of those riddles that there are multiple versions of. Good one, none the less. Now, how about mine. Anyone got an answer or a guess, or should I bring out the clues?” I ask.
“I honestly forgot what it was...” Blueblood muttered, pulling his head away from a frowning Jason.
I sight before repeating my two riddles. “A pony, living at the eleventh floor of a skyscraper, rides the elevator down and goes to work each day. Coming home, the pony goes up the elevator to the fifth floor and walks up the stairs to the eleventh floor to get home. Why?
“And the other one. Coming home, a pony doesn’t notice the sawdust on the carpet. Not realizing all their furniture’s legs have been cut shorter, they die. How and why?” I ask them.
“Anyone wants the hints?” I ask them.
“They choke on all the sawdust!” Pinkie chirps with a smile.
“Eh, no. The sawdust isn’t what kills them. I can give you the hint if you wish,” I say.
“What?” Jason asked, fidgeting around in his seat.
“It has to do with the pony’s occupation,” I say, smiling at their perplexed faces.
“Were they... carpenters?” Blueblood asks.
“Nope.” I answer him.
“Are they dwarves?” Maud asks, turning to look at me.
I blink a few times, stunned that she actually managed to figure it out.
“Well, yes. That is part of the reason for their death,” I say. Wondering if Maud figured it out by herself or if she had perhaps heard a similar riddle somewhere before.
“I dunno.” Maud simply shrugged.
“Well, you figured out far more than I ever did. It is basically the solution, the full explanation is that the pony works in a circus, but when they come home, see that all of their furniture is lower. They come to the conclusion that they’ve grown,, and since they work as a dwarf at the circus, the panic, thinking they’ll lose their job and get a heart attack and die. It’s a really heard one, congrats on getting it like that,” I congratulate Maud.
“So, what about the other one, any idea why a pony would only go down an elevator the whole way, while only going to the fifth when going up?” I ask.
“Nope!” Pinkie shook her head.
“Alright. The hint is, that if there is somepony else with this pony in the elevator, they’ll go straight to their own floor when going up.” I tell them. They all just give up, with Blueblood getting into a shoving match with Jason.
“Fine. The answer is pretty much the same. The pony is too short to reach the buttons in the elevator for the higher floors, so they can only go to the fifth floor unless somepony else is in the elevator with them to push the buttons for them,” I explain.
“Oh... it’s so simple.” Cheese rubbed his chin. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Probably because it was the answer to the last question,” I tell him, smiling.
“Well, you stumped us.” Blueblood smiled back. “Good show, my dear.”
“Thank you. But I can’t take all the credit, I heard these from friends and family. I’m not really good with riddles myself, so I only know of those I’ve heard from others,” I explain.
“Still, you bested us,” Blueblood insisted.
“I guess. But at least it was a good way to spend our time. It can’t be much longer now,” I say.
“Speak of the devil.” Jason looks up as the taxi pulled up to the hotel.
“Come on everyone.” Blueblood gets out of the taxi, stretching his legs out. The others filed out after him, grabbing their things. Blueblood holds the door for me, smiling.
“Thank you.” I say as I step out of the taxi, even though I suspect he’s doing it more out of habit for his marefriend, whose body I’m currently using... who in turn was borrowing it from Pinkie Pie. But I wouldn’t decline any politeness from him, it was only for a day... I hope. Blueblood nods, passing the driver his payment before turning to the hotel.
“Shall we?” he asks before starting to walk in.
“Well, do I have a choice?” I ask jokingly.
“Yes, the red pill or the blue pill,” Jason winks at me.
“Damn, I don’t remember which one’s which,” I complain. “Well, actually. It doesn’t matter, I’m not sure which one I would want to take anyways.” Jason just chuckles as we walk into the hotel.
Stepping inside, I immediately feel the air conditioner working and see that the hotel indeed is fancier than any I had ever visited before. Of course, entering together with Prince Blueblood himself, we immediately get the attention of the receptionist, and anypony else in the room for that matter. The receptionist is already holding the keys for the room as we come up to the front desk. Blueblood had booked the best VIP exclusive room money and status could get you. I feel a bit envious of Floyd at that. Did she get to experience this often?
A bellhop for each one of us soon appears to take any baggage we have up to our room, only to realize we had come in light, meaning they aren’t really needed. I still let one carry Floyd’s saddlebags so he wouldn’t feel like he wasn’t doing his job. After stuffing Pinkie’s Cutie Mark in a jar into my mane for safekeeping, of course.
As we enter the room, I turn around and thank the bellhop and take the saddlebags back, flicking a bit out of my mane as a tip for him before turning back around to see the room we’d be staying in.
To put it simply, it’s big. It feels like a house, rather than a hotel room. The suite is made up of four rooms and a balcony. The main room has several carpets, a coffee table and a couch to sit on, all of them up to ‘rich noble’ level of fancy. Another room is the kitchen, filled with what would look like a royal gourmet kitchen meant to be used by professionals. I guess it means that VIP guests usually asked for a professional to make them their meals right there, there was no way I’d see some noble having gotten the VIP suite and deciding to make their own meals.
After that, there’s a bathroom with one really big bath and sparkling clean surfaces everywhere. The toilet is heavily decorated, making me wonder if it is worth more than Pinkie’s whole room or not.
The bedroom only has one bed. It, however, doesn’t seem to be a problem since everypony here is alright with sharing sleeping space and sleeping in a big pony pile. Yay for being herd animals, no awkwardness from sleeping all together nude in one bed.
The balcony was cool as well, it had a fully functional jacuzzi on it. One I’d so have to try out before I hopefully switched back with Floyd. And to top it all of, the room had a skylight. Money really is something, I think to myself as I take it all in.
“I hope it’s to your liking.” Blueblood smiles hopefully, looking at everyone.
“Well, I have no complaints at least,” I respond.
“Better than sleeping in a cold ass cabin.” Jason shrugged, rubbing his back against a wall.
“I think anything is better than sleeping in the cold.” I tell him.
“I just wish the itching would stop...” Jason whined.
“It doesn’t get better if you scratch it you know. You should try getting something cold... or warm? I don’t know. Cold usually helps me when it itches, but arthropod creatures usually don’t fare well with cold temperatures,” I think out loud.
“It won’t help because his molt needs to come off.” Blueblood sighed, taking his tie and tuxedo collar off. “Now that we’re in a private space we can help him get it off. He took stock of the assembled ponies. “I’m not going to lie, this is going to get...gross.”
“Can’t we like... soften it to get it off easier, by... like letting him soak in a bath, or jacuzzi or something?” I ask.
“I have no idea. I’ve never actually done this before...”
“Well, it sounds like it’s worth a try,” I state, wondering if it be like boiling silk worms... without the boiling part.
“I wonder if he’ll turn red like a lobster!” Cheese chuckles, getting a glare from Jason.
I’m about to point out that black chitin won’t become red from a little heat, but realize I am still in Equestria and that some cartoon logic here is common enough even for the inhabitants to not be entirely certain about how everything works. So I decide not to say anything about the matter. “We’re not boiling him, Cheese,” I said instead. “But I think we all might need a warm bath to relax in anyways,” I suggest.
“Well of course not.” Cheese rolled his eyes. “We don’t boil friends!”
“I think that went without saying.” Maud looks over from the balcony.
“So... the jacuzzi or the bath?” I ask.
“Jacuzzi.” Blueblood nodded.
I nod before turning towards Maud who’s the closest to the jacuzzi. “You’re getting it Maud?” I ask her, presuming she heard our conversation.
“Yeah, I got it.” She nods, moving to turn it on.
I nod as well, before noticing that we’re missing towels.
“Hey, anyone found the towels yet?” I ask.
“They’re in the closet, silly!” Pinkie giggles at me.
“Meh, they could be on the bed. Once I found the towels all stacked in the shower,” I explained.
“Well, let’s get them ready, this isn’t going to be fun...” Blueblood looked over at Jason who gulped.
“Well, at least you’re not itchy anymore,” I told Jason, only getting a glare in response. Molted changelings were... disturbing. Jason was now a translucent white, with his organs visible, squishy and wingless.
“Best not roughhouse, Jason isn’t very durable at the moment,” Blueblood cut in, proving his point by poking Jason’s shoulder. The young ‘ling flinched away, instinctively hiding under the bed.
“Yeah. Maybe we should get him something like armor, to substitute his natural one until it grows in properly and hardens,” I suggest.
“He can just stay here until we leave. I think a week’s break from train travel will do us all some good.” Blueblood smiles before letting out a yawn.
“It’s probably for the best, and now that you mention it,” I say as I yawn, following in Blueblood’s hoofsteps. “It is rather late. And I’m fairly tired from prying that shell open,” I say and take out the jar with Pinkie’s Cutie Mark from my mane. We don’t want it following me back to the other Equestria.
“Good night everypony,” I say as I flop down on the bed, ready to go to sleep. This time, none of Pinkie Pie’s snoring to keep me awake. Wait, I got to brush my teeth first. Can’t forget that, I remind myself as I get up and go over to the bathroom, fishing out a toothbrush as well as a small tube of toothpaste and get to cleaning those teeth of mine, only to feel another heartsong/soul song picking up.
As the song ends, I smile and see my teeth all sparkling. “What do you think, Pinkie?” I ask her.
“That's really cute!” Pinkie giggled. “I’ve never had a brushing song!”
“Well, now you do. Come let’s go and catch some Z’s with the others,” I say and begin walking back to the pony pile on the big bed which I suspected was Princess sized, in case Celestia decided to visit this particular hotel.
“It was fun meeting you, Diane,” Pinkie waved before fading out.
You too. I send her way while taking a final look at the others in the pony pile. Wonder if I’d be able to do this with the girls during a slumber party sometime, I wonder as I slip into a peaceful slumber.
Author's Note
So... by popular demand, this is now out. Yay.
Sorry for the long wait. This was a crossover chapter with the story " My Name Is Floyd Damn You!" Thanks a lot to
for doing this with me. Floyd's point of view during this all can be read in his story. However, all of this was non-canon, so none of these events actually happened in either of our stories, they are just an entertaining what-if scenario. Anyways, I hope you people all enjoy. I promise to try and get back to writing for this story.
