I nervously clasp my left pastern, trying to keep the inside facing my body. The clock at the front of the room ticks loudly and monotonously; never stopping. I watch the second hand go around, as it reaches twelve i see the minute hand move slightly. My brain reaches back and starts presenting me with memories of how clocks work and the gears constantly turning within them. I begin to lose connection to reality. My thoughts go deeper into what elements go into the clock.
I'm brought back to reality by the door opening beneath the clock. My eyes shift down to find Nurse Warmheart entering the room, carrying a clipboard beneath her wing. She closes the door behind her and looks over at me with a warm smile, I suppose that's how she got her name.
"You must be Tempestuous Wildfire." She says holding out her left hoof in greeting. Well, they're going to see my scars eventually. I think to myself. I bring my left hoof out and shake hers. I can see her eyes dart down to my pastern quickly, covered in fresh cuts and blood. I suppress the lump building in my throat as I pull my hoof away.
"Just call me Tempest please.." I say quietly. She gives a happy "Sure!" in response. I don't get why she's being so happy, we both know why I'm here and there's nothing to be happy about.
She pulls the clipboard out and begins asking me if I have used drugs and if I've been to the ER before. She continues the questions and I start half-daydreaming about the molecular structure of cornstarch.
"So, why are you here today?"....
Reality come rushing back like a tidal wave as I'm presented with this question.
"Sorry what?" I say back. She repeats the question again. I don't respond in any way other than beginning to nervously scratch my pastern. I look down at the cheap hospital robe I'm wearing and try to find something interesting about it.
"You don't need to answer that one." She says to me softly. My mind eases up at these words and I no longer feel as subconscious.
"Have you had any suicidal or homicidal thoughts or actions?" She continues, my minds begins to shut down but I give a quick nod before it can. She writes notes on the clipboard before walking over to me and softly grabbing my left hoof. I resist slightly before letting her get what she wants.
She flips my foreleg upright revealing dozens of maroon lines across my pastern which or slightly hidden by my scarlet fur. Some of the cuts are weeks old while others only hours. She inspects it carefully but quickly and then checks and feels my other foreleg; which is clean. She takes more notes and walks to the foot of the bed.
"I need to check your hind legs, okay?" She says. I nod nervously.
I feel her hooves pulling my robe up and feeling across both my hind legs for cuts which there are none. She checks my cutie mark as well before she drapes the robe back down and comes up to the head of the bed.
"Please sit up" She says gently. I comply. I feel her lifting my mane up and checking my neck, the only thing there is a long, light scar to the right of my throat. She finds it and lets my orange and yellow mane fall back down. She then pulls out a flashlight and shines it in each of my eyes, leaving slight dark blotches in my vision.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." She says to me as she walks towards the door. "Alright." I reply.
The door clicks shut and I'm alone once again. I spread my wings out and and lie back on the pillow. I turn my head and look at my wing. I start bending it and flexing it to entertain myself. I close my eyes and exhale loudly.
"I'm taking you to the ER Tempest!" My counselor says. I hang my head and follow her out to the car. I love being around her but she had reached her wits end.
We got to her car and I got in the passenger seat. She started the car and began to drive out of the parking lot, onto the street, onto the freeway...
"Tempest?"
The memory fades away as I open my eyes to see Nurse Warmheart with Karina Burden behind her—my counselor. Karina face is full of worry and her usually straight mane is slightly untidy. I look up at the clock and see it's been nearly 10 minutes and is now 1:37
"Tempest, were going to keep you on in-patient for a little while." Nurse Warmheart says. I hang my head for a few moments and look back up and Karina.
"How long?"
"At least a few days." Reply's Warmheart.
My wings and ears both fold back as I give a sad sigh. I hear one of them walking towards me, I look up and see Karina kneeling next to me at the side of the bed.
"Don't worry kiddo, I'm gonna visit you tomorrow morning." She says stroking my mane. I grab her hoof with mine and pull her in for a hug. She then kisses me on the forehead and begins to walk out of the room. My eyes follow the unicorn as she leaves and disappears out the door.
Nurse Warmheart walks up next to me and set's a small paper booklet on the desk next to the bed.
"Please fill this out by the end of today." She says. I look over to see it's a Emotion Self-Assessment. I role over on my side so I face away and wrap my wings around me. I hear her hoof-steps and the door latching shut as she leaves.
I didn't choose this... I think to myself. Tomorrow will only be worse when my family hears and comes to visit so I can 'confess'. I look down at my pastern I've been scratching and see that scabs are gone and the cuts are now openly bleeding. I close my eyes and wish I could force myself to cry, but no luck would ever come; I only cry when I'm angry or frustrated. I slowly become aware of how completely alone I am at this moment. The noise in the room is the continuous ticking from the clock. I lie, for what feels like at least an hour but is only 20 minutes. The clock how now ticked 1,200 times. Heh, only 1,200 out of the 259,200+ ticks I will be in the presence of for the next 3+ days...
Author's Note
'Based' of my my real life experience, didn't go into in-patient, but I was sent to the ER and struggle with anxiety, depression and self harm.