Celestia Hates the Displaced.

by Shocks

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1489

Celestia finds that the new guests to Equestria are less than friendly...and mature...and possibly not entirely sane. There is also a substantial ratio between male and female...[Displaced Crack Fic]

There are few things that manage to irritate the Princess of Equestria.

One is eating her cake.

The other, is strange creatures getting wined and dined by an inter-dimesional being that end up landing in Equestria causing enough chaos to make Discord look like second best.

[Displaced Crack Fic]
[Teen for language]

I regret everything nothing.

Published 2015-05-15 04:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-15 04:30:02 UTC

Like a Lot

Celestia, the monarch of Equestria, let out a content sigh, her muscles relaxing somewhat as she sat back against her golden throne. Day court, a rather stressful but necessary part of her day, had just come to an end, the last of the petitioners filed out. Standing up, she made to step off her raised dais, only for a slight noise to catch her attention.

It sounded like a whistle, almost like something was falling…

“Do you hear that?” One of her guards asked, confirming her own suspicions.

“I think I do…Princess…do you hea-“ Her second guardsmen failed to finish his sentence as the strange noise suddenly reached a crescendo before a blue..thing…crashed through one of her innate mosaic windows, shattering it to pieces.

Her eye twitched.

The blue creature, she realized, tumbled on the ground before stopping nearly perfectly at the foot of her throne. Her royal guards, loyal as ever, leveled their spears at the creature ready to protect their princess from any threat…

Before a cottage house demolished the left wall, destroying several more windows before landing on both her guards and the creature.

Ah, houses. The one weakness of the royal guard.

“Sonic!!!!” Somepony shouted from outside her new ‘window’, sounding for all purposes like they were having a temper tantrum.

A bipedal creature suddenly jumped into the throne room, its body seemingly composed of metal, save for a head that was covered with a pink mane. This new creature-which Celestia guessed was female-appeared to be also wielding massive upper appendages which despite its lithe frame, seemed to wield the large hands with amazing ease.

A realization occurred to her in that moment and she groaned audibly.

So, it was them again.

Sure enough, the little creature, now identified as Sonic, suddenly burst out from under the house, spinning in a blue blur before coming to rest directly opposite the other biped, its face displaying a cocky grin.

“Hey baby! I knew you couldn’t stay away!” Sonic said arrogantly, smirking the whole time.

Celestia could feel a headache coming on. She had one of the arrogant ones this time.

“Your'e dead you blue furred rodent!” The enraged taller biped, a human, charged toward the hedgehog, ready to deliver a breathing that would transcend lifetimes.

“Bring it doublefister!” Sonic yelled, jumping into a ball before spinning toward his enemy. The two set on a collision course, would have impacted each other if not for a golden barrier appearing before them, causing both to face plant on opposite sides of it.

“Excuse me…” a motherly voice started both out of their stupors. Both looked up at the elevated throne, finding a beautiful creature with the purest white coat, a mane that was nearly psychedelic in its properties, a massive horn, and wings that seemed to stretch on forever.

Their mouths moved similar to fish, awestruck at the powerful, beautiful, graceful Princess-

“Holy shit is that a talking horse!?”

“It’s got a sun on its ass! It’s a sunbutt hahaha!”

The white alicorn resisted the urge to face-hoof.

Such imaginations from these ones.

“And hello to you as well” Celestia spoke, her smile becoming somewhat strained. “If you two wouldn’t mind, could you stop doing that?”

The two combatants looked confused for a moment, glancing at each other before looking back at the Princess.

“Stop doing what?” They both asked, oblivious to the Alicorn’s meaning.

“Using your newfound powers for destruction and chaos. I know it must be shocking for you right now…but you must learn that with great power comes great-“

“Come say that to my face or better yet my fist!”
“You can’t stop this speed train!”

The replies were unexpected and this time, the leader of Equestria did face-hoof, slamming her golden shoe right between her eyes.

“Please I’m sure we can resolve any conflicts peacefully-“

“AFTERNOON CHUCKLEFUCKS!” An incredibly loud voice echoed outside the throne room, right before the massive doors that were its entrance were blasted off their hinges, collapsing with dual thuds onto the floor.

There, in the foyer of her rapidly collapsing seat of power was a gigantic armored metal golem, single blue eyes situated in its chest, as it lowered its clawed foot after no doubt kicking down her door.

Oh joy, a new challenger approaches.

“Which one of you wants to be ‘recked next?!” The golem shouted, hefting a gun suited for its size as it pointed back into the castle hallway, where dozens of guards laid groaning and injured.

“I can’t feel my face…” one mumbled.

“I was two days from retirement…” another spoke.

“MY LEG!”

The Princess let out a deep, very deep, breath through her nose.

There went her day. And week. And possibly month. You know what; just declare the whole year bad.

“Come on fucknuggets! You think you’re big enough?!” The giant taunted again, which much to Celestia’s chagrin; the two other combatants seemed to openly embrace.

“Oh your ass is grass!” The human yelled back, entering a fighting stance as a blue shield appeared over her.

“Bitch please. You can’t even touch this!” Sonic replied, looking like he was about to sprint off.

Ah, it appeared they had collapsed into vulgar trash talking. Very mature.

“Well then come at me bro!” The titan aimed its large weapon directly at the now allied duo.

All three issued war cries, ready to unleash the full might over the new powers on those that tried to stop them. There would be no quarter. No mercy, just explosions.

They charged at each other, completely forgetting the alabaster alicorn in the same room.

“STOP” the command seemed to rattle the entire castle, and for a moment, all the opponents started in shock at the hovering golden alicorn, magical energy surging around her form.

“You will cease and desist” she intoned, her voice full of conviction. “You have come here, assaulted my guards, damaged my home, caused property damage to countless homes of my little ponies, and now you have the audacity to fight each other without a care for the consequences of your battle? You may have new strength now yes, but this does not make you unaccountable for your actions. So I ask you Displaced, will you stop?”

Tense moments occurred as each combatant soaked in the alicorns words. Finally though, the silence was breached when-

“Hell no!”
“Piss off!”
“Fuck the police!”

Each biped shouted their discontent at her, already turning back to fight each other.

“Now then where were we-“the armored human was blasted by a ray of golden light, before summarily being turned into stone?

“Oh shit!” Sonic cried.

“Ah great. Now it’s really a sausage fe-“the golem failed to finish as well, as it was turned to stone.

“Nopenopenoepnope-“the blue hedgehog tried to escape with his brilliant speed, but found himself also encased.

Silence rained as Celestia powered down the unique spell, something brought about after researching into the magical abilities of the Elements of Harmony.

She sighed; somewhat depressed that she had to resort to drastic measures to achieve victory. Hopefully the timeout these creatures were on would teach them some humility, and that they would learn from their mistakes and be better for it.

The Princess blinked once, confused as to why her last thought sounded so…unlikely?

Whatever the feeling, she placed it back inside her head, her concentration now on a scroll as she dotted down a to-do list with a feathered quill.

The first order of business was the repairing of her thrown room. No doubt she would have to ask the royal mosaic maker for several new windows. Again. It seemed to be happening with increased frequency.

Secondly, she would have to get these statues out of her thrown room and placed in the palace gardens. But the larger question was…where? The area had been nearly crowded with new…additions…and doubtfully could support anymore. Not to mention the royal engraver was running out of ideas to name the new pieces. Originally starting out with meaningful sayings such as arrogance, vanity, and ruthlessness, he had since muddled down to ‘this guy’, ‘that guy’, and most recently ‘I’m with stupid’.

Celestia smiled. She particularly enjoyed that one.

Gazing out at the statues, she pondered where to put them, when a sudden idea came to mind.

A completely evil, diabolical, and brilliant idea.

“And then…hahaha…and then…the guard says ‘Thou art a spleeny codpiece! Hahaha! Tis a brilliant jest!” The black alicorn fell back against the lunar surface laughing her flank off the whole time while the statue she was talking to failed to move.

Though that didn’t mean they were inactive…

“Can we all agree that Celestia sucks?” the Vi statue spoke through their link.

“Fuck Sunbutt” the titan statue replied.

“Yep, hate her” Sonic’s statue stated.

“~Hate you too~” a sweet voice suddenly spoke to all of them.

Avery familiar voice…

Author's Note

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