Druglesita-Road to Mexicolt

by Sir_Scrub_aka_QuickDraw

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, Zecora, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1228

Celestia or her other alias Pimplord Three billion must flee from equestria after the fuzz is after her.

( I have no idea what is wrong with me. No idea at all. Take this with a grain of salt. This was written just to be funny, nothing else in mind.)
Cealsita, prime number one great and glorious leader with no faults. Must flee after Flash Sentry busted her illegal business. She must flee to Mexicolt to evaded charges.

RATED T For Drugs and other things.

Published 2015-05-16 07:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-16 07:20:02 UTC

Chapter one: These "Drugs" HAH got'em

Chapter one: These "Drugs" HAH got'em

Chapter one

Celasita run into Luna's room yelling like a banshee.

"WE GOTA GO, ITS THE FIVE-O!"

Luna was taking a hit from her bong.

"What do you mean we gota go man ?" She smiled at her " Did you bring snacks bra ?"

"HE'S HERE "

"Who man ?"

"Falsh ---"

Luna interrupted "AHAHA , he will save every one of us." Cealista facehooved and started packing up all weed in her sister's room.

"To the tunnels Luna" Pressing some buttons on the wall opening a passage way.

Flash sentry knew he was good. He almost busted the most notorious drug dealer. After tracking Pimp lord three billion, he realized this criminal's genius. Hiding right under every ponies nose. In Celesta's castle.He knocked on the door.

"Royal PD , open up. We have a warrant."

Bubbling from Luna's bong could be heard behind Celasita causing her ears to twitch.

"Are we there yet ?"

"No , for the last time ."

"What are we doing ? Can we get some tacos ?"

"We'll have a lot of those in Mexicolt"

"Yay! Tacos !" More bubbling.

" Just two stops real quick" Opening a passage into Princess Twilight's castle. Exchanging hoof bumps with spike.

"Excellent" Spike preformed a air guitar solo.

Luna copied him right after he finished "Radical" Pulling a blunt out and giving it to him.

Spike blazed it and took a drag. "Twilly is still sleeping, Shall I get my fedora me ladies ?"

"Not today, grab the stash and meet us out side"

"Right on" Luna said as she sat down on the couch.

Cealsita walked into her faithful students room and pulled out an entourage of air horns. Playing her national anthem.

"ALL HAIL ME, ME THE GREAT AND POWERFUL , SIMPLY THE BEST. EVERY PONY CAN ATTEST."

Twilight jumped out of bed.

"What are you doing here ?!" Rubbing her ears at the blast of air horns.

"Twily , you gotta help me smuggle a smidge of my stash to Mexicolt"

Staring her down "How much is a smidge"

"Oh you know ... a few metric tones of weed. A few thousand kilos of cocaine."

Twilight rubbed her nuzzle "Why me , Why ? ... Alright fine. Lets go."

Chapter three: Flash

Flash Sentry. Number one guard. All the mares loved him. (At least in his mind) Kept his collection of Twilight Sparkle personal items close, and her old diary he found in the library even closer as he tore through each page.

"Oh Twilight"Eyes scanning the page."I'll show my love for you one day"

He quickly tucked the book into his armor as another guard came in. " Ummm, sir ... we found a tunnel."

Flash's eyes gleamed"Oh , Really ?"

The guard knew flash was a bit off his rocker so he played along. "Yes, Really."

Pointing his hoof into the air "GATHER THE GUARDS AND LETS GO!"

Flash Sentry rushed through the tunnel. After finding out it led to Twilight's castle, he was going to borrow some ... evidence yeah ... evidence.

"Hmm , Wait out side. I'll search the castle"

Being outranked by Flash he and the other guards obeyed.

A loud high pitched scream could be heard "SENPA--- ERR TWILIGHT IS GONE !!"

As he walked out some guards noticed he gained a few pounds ... and was that a hair clip in his mane. "Umm sir is that a mane clip ?"

Flash quickly took it out and stuffed into his armor " I uh ... NO! IT IS NOT A MANE CLIP" he whispered "its a priceless artifact of my true love"

"An artia what ?"

"NOTHING" As he ran down the street. " PRINCESS TWILIGHT WAS FOAL-NAPPED BY PIMP-LORD THREE BILLION!!"

The guards marching behind him "What about the other princess's ?"

He muttered under his breath "Those useless things , trying to rival Twilight" He cleared his voice. "They must of been foal-napped as well."

"Uhh , ... why did it seem like he didn't care about Luna and Cealsita ?"
Flashes win streak ended with a trail that went cold.

Holding the diary"I'll find you twily, and I'll express my love for you" Reading more of her dairy."Don't worry, I can take your brother now that I'm stronger. No pony will keep me from you"

A guard walks in "Flash are you o--"

He was cut off by Flash "I'M FINE, LEAVE ME AT ONCE"

Author's Note

Somepony is obsessed.

Chapter two: Zecora's hut

"So I help you get to Mexicolt then what"

Celasita scratched her head "We lay low till it's safe to come back"

"Where are we going ?" As the group walked with overstuffed saddle bags. Luna and Cealsita wearing impeccable fake mustaches.

"Zecora's man" Luna answered with blood shot eyes.

The group finally made it Zecora's hut in the everfree.

Zecora walked out to great them.

Preforming the ancient art of bong tipping with luna as spike lit them both and they bubbled away.

"I take we are in a rush ? A bit of a time-crush ?"

"We need to go to Mexicolt, Flash is after us."

Zecora pulled out a crow bar and started ripping out floor boards.

Hours after packing every once of drugs they could pack into the cart. They set off on there epic journey of bribery , Gang wars and good ol road trips.

Luna whined " I'm hungry" Rubbing her mustache.

Cealsita knew she wouldn't stop until she had some food. She drove the motorized cart into the "TACO-HELL" Drive through.

"Welcome to Taco-hell, how can I help you ?"

Luna stuck her head out "I want Fifteen Crunch-Craps. Twenty Dew-Ritos Locos Tacos and a very large Dew-rito."

Twilight leaned her head out the window and begun to speak but she was cut off by Cealsita.

"Any sauce ma'am ?"

Luna yelled "EXTRA SPICY!!"

"Any thing else ma'am ?"

"No that is all" Cealsita pulling her bits out.

Twilight angered at the fact she didn't order.

Luna dove right into her food like a hobo that had his first meal in ages. Getting crumbs and making a mess all over her seat. She sipped on her drink as they drove.

"Celestia, I'm starving. Please can we stop at a hay burger ? "

"Sweet my self , I never knew you were so fat. Fine."

Twilight ordered her food and they moved along.

"Like really Twilight you really let your self go, Taco-Hell and Hay Burgers. In the same day , right after each other ? You need help."

Twilight had enough of this and threw her hay shake at Celestia. She caught it and drunk it down. "Nice of you to share Twilight."

Afterwords she arranged all the cups and wrappers label side out.

"What are you doing Celestia?"

"I'm sponsored, I gotta show off the product."

"Wait dont you own hay burger ? How are you ? ... You know what Im not going o ask.

Celestia yelled " I'VE FINALLY DONE IT, I TAUGHT THIS NUMB-SKULL SOMETHING FINALLY. THIS IS A GRAND DAY."

Everypony that was still awake clapped for Twilight. There was still hope for her.

Author's Note

... Why did I write this ? I'll never know.