The Guy

by Captain Drunkass

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy
Length: 361

A man walks into ponyville... This is the story of CAPTAIN PEN IS (not to be confused with penis) he will run around and FUCK THE SHIT UP! enjoy.

Welcome one welcome all to 'The Guy!' My first story about me, Captain Pen Is, and my stupid as fuck adventures… I… don't have any thing else… do I? One Sec *rustling of paper*, nope that's it… go read the story… or not… don't give a flying fuck… bye…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-15 19:59:20 UTC

The Arrival (unedited)

"...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Let me tell you one thing, falling SUCKS. And I mean a lot. Wait... You don't know anything yet do you? No? well shit, goddamn author dropping you in the middle... yes, I kicked the fourth wall, I do it a lot... well, I guess I'll fill you in.

{^/Flash back^}

Well, It was around April that it happened, I was taking my 2:00 PM Flick Walk (me walking around showing my middle finger) when I passed an old guy on the streets. He looked very odd and... mismatched? Well he smiled at me and walked up to me and said "hey there, how are you this fine evening?" Naturally I replied " fuck off, old man." He had a frown for a split second, but It was gone as soon as it appeared, "Well you know you should learn to respect your elders especially one as old as me " he said in a mellow voice. "Go away, your interrupting my Flick Walk" "Flick Walk?" He replied. I quickly got a massive grin as a plan brewed in my head. "Here I'll show you" I faced him very calmly, lifted my arms, and flicked him off. Of course the old geezer was dumbstruck as I walked away. Little did I know he was a powerful deity... oops?

The old man was so pissed, he said " Into a world of magic and wonder, a man shall land with blunder, he shall live in peace, until ran over by a flock of geese, where he shall find a race, that will give chase if they please, and he won't be at ease." So then as I flicked off a tree, I noticed my middle finger was missing, naturally tears filled my eyes as I yelled "FUCKY WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY!?!?!?" And then my hand, then arm, then other arm, then my legs, then my body, and my head. and now we have reached our destination, me falling and screaming like a pussy... Yes I admit it, unlike some people, you know who you are... anyways how is my screaming? "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!", Good, good, so anyways, bye and...

TO BE CONTINUED