Chapters “Why aren’t my fingers in someone’s eye sockets right now… Why aren’t my fingers in someone’s eye sockets right now… Why aren’t my fingers in someone’s eye sockets right now…”
You ever consider, Krieg, that it’s because we’re currently CHAINED UPSIDE DOWN ON THE ROOF OF A CAVERN HIDDEN IN A MOUNTAIN?!
Like usual, the psycho didn’t listen to the only speck of reason and higher thought that he had in this shared space we call our brain. He just kept on mutter, “Why aren’t my fingers in someone’s eye sockets right now…” Over and over again.
Like he had been doing. For the past fifty years. Non-stop.
Do you have any idea what it’s like to live inside the mind of a psychopath, who seems to only communicate through various forms of incoherent shouting, rage-fueled ranting about castles made of cartilage, and the latest of his insane mumblings, the desire to shove our fingers into someone’s eye sockets. With the eyes still in there.
Any idea? Any at all?
If not, then I wish unto whatever god will listen that I had your life, because quite frankly, this blows.
This is hardly the first time when I had thought that sharing a brain with Krieg the Psycho was shitty. In fact, it was one of the first thoughts I had when I realized my situation. Then there was that time we slaughtered an entire bandit town, that time we got stranded in that one desert and had to survive on nothing but the remains of animals that even the buzzards wouldn’t eat, then that time we somehow pissed off the entire nation of Happy-Go-Lucky-Horseys.
And there was also the time that said Happy-Go-Lucky-Horseys actually caught us . That resulted, somehow, in us being chained to the roof of a cavern underneath their capital city for the next, oh, near millenium.
I have no idea who made that judicial decision, but whoever it was, I was going to sic Krieg on them and their family. As soon as we actually got out of this prison, that is. Which doesn’t seem likely.
Anyway. This is me.
Hey. Remember back when I used to be in control? Back when we used to be sane?
Krieg’s only response was to continue muttering to us.
Guess not. I sighed in defeat. You can’t even hear me, can you? Little voice in your head trying to remind you of a time when we could go hours, days even, without muttering about our desire to feel the gooey mush of an eyeball after we shove our thumbs into someone’s sockets?
Krieg just kept on muttering.
Yeah… I barely even remember…
It wasn’t always like this, you know. It used to be that I was the one in control of our body. We didn’t go around slaughtering anything that we could find that had a pulse. We didn’t try to terrify everything that had eyes (though that didn’t stop people from being scared anyway). We didn’t go running around screaming about our desire to ride bicycles made of meat.
But… Something happened. I don’t really remember what. Time and the trauma of it keeps me from doing so, I think. But I know it’s when Krieg took the Captain’s chair out from under me, and that’s when shit got messy .
But I don’t remember much from before Krieg took the reigns. And I remember even less from the time before Krieg and I started to share a brain.
It had been a… Simple life. I think. Maybe. Like I said, I don’t really remember.
But there is something that stuck with me. A mask, the mask that Krieg and I are currently wearing. That mask being sold to us. And I remember that fucker who sold it.
When I find that bastard, that asshat who sent me to this fucking pony-land with this psychotic lunatic, Krieg and I are going to rip out his small intestine, wrap it around his throat, and choke him to death with his own guts.
Yeah. And I’m the sane one of the two of us.
“Why aren’t my fingers in someone’s eye sockets right now… Why aren’t my fingers in someone’s eye sockets right now… Why aren’t my finger in someone’s eye sockets right now…”
Wish I could shove our fingers into our eye sockets right now…
…
… Krieg. Did you hear that?
Krieg just kept muttering, but I could feel his metaphorical ears perk up at the sound of something echoing through the crystalline halls of the cavern around us. Something that sounded familiar… Something like…
Footsteps?
The rhythmic pattern of the sound bouncing off the walls could only be one thing. But they were odd somehow, different from the hoofsteps of a pony walking (trotting, cantering, whatever…). There were… Fewer steps. And they were slightly spaced apart from one another, like…
Like a biped.
Then a man rounded a corner. And I recognised him.
You MOTHERFUCKER!
Walking towards me, a smug, self-satisfied look on his face was that damn salesman that sold me the psycho mask that had gotten me into this situation in the first place.
“Well, well, well,” the little bastard said. And he was little. Like, five and a half feet. Krieg and I were damn near seven. We could crush him just by heaving our pecs at him. “If it isn’t my favorite deranged psychopath.” His smile turned sharper as he took in my condition. “How’s it hangin’?”
YOU LET ME DOWN FROM HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH! LET ME DOWN SO I CAN RIP OUT OUR LIVER AND CAVE YOUR SKULL IN WITH IT!
Somehow, the salesman’s mouth turned up into an even wider grin. “Let you down? Oh, of course, of course!” He said in a jovial tone, as though he were talking with a favorite relative. “But you’ll have to wait on the liver ripping and the skull caving. I’ll let you down alright, but only so you can go about doing what it is you were, my good man.”
IF I GET LET DOWN FROM HERE WITH YOU STILL AROUND, I’M GOING TO MAKE A HOUSE OUT OF YOUR RIBCAGE!
The man seemed unperturbed by my threatening, smiling all the while, though I knew he could hear me. “You remember, don’t you? Finding the Vault? Looking for a way home? Trying to keep your… Meat pet in line?” He gestured a hand at us, but somehow seemed to be singling out Krieg, who was still muttering about eye sockets, though our eyes were locked onto the asstard in front of us.
The salesman went on. “Oh, and don’t you worry your pretty, fractured head about hurting me when you get down from there. By the time that this spell,” he clapped his hands together twice in quick succession, “takes effect on those chains that keep you on that ceiling, I’ll be long gone.”
He then turned around and started walking away. “I’ve found you very entertaining, Krieg,” he said over his shoulder, and somehow, despite only using Krieg’s name, it felt like he was addressing the both of us. “Do keep that up. I’d hate to have to replace my newest toy after only 1,200 or so years.” Then he turned the corner, leaving our sight, and was gone.
Krieg stopped his muttering (call Guinness, he broke the streak) long enough to shout after him, “I WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!”
I sighed tiredly. If only, Krieg… If only …
And, true to the salesman’s word, hours later, the chains that wrapped around Krieg and I started to spontaneously rust at an extreme rate. Soon enough, they started to weaken to the point where the links started to snap.
Wait, shit, we’re hanging upside do-
Then we fell from a five story drop, straight onto our head.
Were it anyone else, they’d have died on the impact, either due to their skull being crushed, or, in the off chance that didn’t happen, their neck being snapped.
We, however, were not what you would call normal. I think you’ve figured that bit out by now.
So, when we landed on our head from a five story drop, all I said was, Oh. Damn. You okay, Krieg?
The psycho simply got up, rubbing our head with a hand. Then something seemed to dawn on him as he looked at our right hand in growing surprised rage.
I immediately saw where this was going. Krieg, keep ca-
“WHERE’S MY MEAT STICK?!”
Uh-oh.
Celestia’s day really couldn’t have started better.
From the moment she woke up to raise the sun over the horizon, she knew that today would be a good day. And when the first streams of sunlight peaked out from in the distance, their warmth wrapping around her in a way that she hadn’t had time to stop and appreciate in a long time, her feelings on the day were only cemented.
From then on, her day was nothing but pleasant. Clear blue skies, a wonderful breakfast, and when she went to Day Court for the day, the amount of ponies asking for such inane things as more taxation of the poor was at an all time minimum.
A smile plastered her face all day, and no one could stop it. Not that anyone would.
Of course, as all things do, the good times need to end at some point. Celestia had known this. She had been anticipating it all day, waiting for that one, little thing that would put a damper on her mood.
Something most certainly did. She just didn’t expect it to be this , of all things.
A guard burst through the large throne room doors, coming to a halt at the base of dais. “Princess Celestia! Your Highness! There is trouble in the castle!”
Celestia sighed on the inside. She had known it would be coming. “What’s the trouble…” She looked at the pony’s armor, searching for a sign of rank. She found it. “... Corporal?”
“A creature assaults the castle, Your Highness! We know not what it is, but it has fought its past the garrison at the castle gates!”
Celestia straightened in her seat at that, her eyes widening slightly. Very few creatures she knew of (and she knew a lot of creatures) would be so bold, or so stupid, enough to try and storm her castle all on their own. The place was built like a fortress, there were scores of guards to get through, and then there were the Royal Sisters themselves to contend with. To take all of these things head-on, one would have to be…
… Insane.
Her eyes widened even further at that thought, and a paranoid little bolt of panic shot through her. It isn’t , she told herself. That thing is still safely chained under the city. It couldn’t have gotten out.
… But what if it did?
She had to ask anyway. “What does this creature look like, Corporal?”
The pony before her seemed to pause in thought before replying, “It… Was biped, Your Highness. Pale skinned, scars riddled it’s chest. It was at least two ponies tall.”
Oh no . “Tell me, guardsman. Did it wear a mask?” Even though her voice was calm when speaking to the guard, her insides twisted as she recognised the description.
The guard nodded. “Yes, Your Highness.”
Celestia had shot up from her throne and was halfway out the door, her vast magical senses searching the entire castle for the familiar presence, when she said over her shoulder, “Spread the word, guardsman. The castle is to go into lockdown. No one is to go in or out without my express permission.”
Her magic senses pinged with what she was looking for, and when she burst out of the door, she started to gallop in that direction.
Now she could only hope to get there before the bodies started to pile up.
And her day had been so good until now.
Frankly, I’m not really sure how we got from the crystal caverns under the city of Canterlot all the way to the inside of the fortified castle that was its town hall and home to what was essentially a goddess. I don’t know, and it bothers me.
See, when Krieg wants something bad enough, is fueled by enough rage, then he can sort of… Block me out from seeing what he’s doing. It’s only happened a handful of times, but each time it did…
Well, imagine what it would be like if a mentally broken (not unstable, but truly broken ) psychopath with known habits of extreme rage and violence was suddenly bereft of what minimal supervision and reason that he had, and was left to do as he pleased.
It usually involves lots of piles of meat. They might be corpses, but nobody's really sure, given that they can’t actually identify what the meat is.
Anyway, when Kireg’s rage over the absence of his beloved buzz axe suddenly surged into him, it took me by surprise (though it really shouldn’t have, given what I know of the psycho). Most times when Krieg’s rage would be enough for him to go on a rampage, I can hold it back long enough for the fight to either be over, or long enough to convince the lunatic to get the hell out of there. But when I’m not prepared to keep Krieg under control, I really can’t.
So, when Krieg shoved me into the back of our mind, unable to see or feel anything he does, I got worried.
When I finally came back to our senses, I was even more so.
Krieg had, somehow, found his way into Canterlot Castle, had taken on an entire contingent of guard ponies (their crumpled forms littered the hallway), somehow managed to not kill a single one (which was the most shocking part, if I’m honest), and was now standing over a pony he had no doubt kicked to the ground, a sword poised over his head as if ready to bring the thing down onto the pony’s neck. Which is exactly what he was about to do.
Krieg, STOP, NOW!
The sword poised over the psycho’s head paused just before it could begin its descent. His hands started to shake slightly, as though he were still trying to bring the sword down onto his victim. Strangled growling noises forced their way out of our throat as Krieg’s displeasure of being denied his kill was made apparent.
Krieg! Let the pony go! You know our deal!
More strangled noises came from our throat, and Krieg complained, “BUT I WANNA SEE THE INSIDES OF THEIR EYELIDS.”
No, Krieg! You know damn well what I’ll do before I let you hurt the undeserving again!
Krieg groaned through gritted teeth. “WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD…”
Because it’s the only way that I know you’ll actually hear me! It should be noted that, at this point, I was surprised that Krieg had stopped when I told him to. During our time chained to that ceiling, I had tried to talk to him multiple times before, but none of them seemed to get through. I was sure that he had finally just shut me out after so much time.
Anyway.
Krieg’s arms started to shake as he put more and more effort into bringing the sword down onto the pony, who was looking up at Krieg with a face of shocked terror.
Watching some strange thing that you’ve never seen before, who was about to kill you, talk to seemingly no one will do that to you, I guess.
I fought against Krieg, putting all my effort into stopping the sword from dropping. Damn it, Krieg! I will take us both down if damn well have to! But I will not let you harm this pony! So stop fighting me, turn around, and run the hell away!
Krieg kept on making those strangled noises in our throat, our entire upper body shaking, our only visible eye twitching.
Krieg! Do it now!
The psycho snapped. “STOP YELLING AT ME!” He reversed his grip on the sword’s hilt, and brought the blade straight down into his own stomach.
Blood dripped openly from the wound down onto the pony beneath us, who, for their part, started to scramble away from us.
Krieg, with a sword still in our gut, reached down and wrapped an iron grip around the pony’s neck, lifting them up to be brought to eye level. He screamed in the terrified guard’s face, “SHUT-SHUT-SHUT THEM UP!” Then he pitched the pony down to the far end of the hallway we had found ourselves in.
The pony flew into the air, hit the ground, tumbled, and landed at the hooves of another pony.
See, Krieg? I berated the psycho. See her over there? She is why we don’t come here!
Standing there with a groaning, terrified pony at her hooves, was Celestia herself. She was tall, she was white, she had a flowing rainbow mane, her horn was wickedly sharp, and her wings were fanned out in what could only be a posture of intimidation.
Celestia looked down at the jibbering mess of a pony before her, then turned her narrowed eyes up at us.
She didn’t even say a word as her horn flared with bright yellow magic, and a freight train of force slammed into Krieg and I, sending us flying into and through the wall behind us, where we fell a few more stories, only to land, again, on our head in some sort of garden.
I felt and heard our neck snap, only to refuse itself in the span of seconds. Krieg stumbled to our feet, muttering deliriously, “I’M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!”
God damn it, Krieg , I said in pure frustration. Will you start running now?
Krieg just let out a short, manic laugh, spun around in a random direction, and sprinted off.
Oh, I said as an after thought. Could you also get that sword out of our gut? You made your point. Now it’s just annoying.
Celestia winced as the creature flew through the wall behind it.
She hadn’t intended to send the thing fly so fast as to push it through the wall, only into it hard enough to incapacitate it.
Of course, she thought to herself, knowing this creature, it probably hit the ground in the garden without a scratch on it. For goodness’ sake, it shoved a sword into itself just as I turned the corner.
Celestia shook her head to be rid her of any lingering thoughts. She had a more pressing matter at her hooves.
Said pressing matter let out a small whimper as their eyes locked themselves onto the hole that the creature had made.
Celestia folded her hooves underneath her as she got onto eye level with the panicked pony. In her most motherly voice, she nudged the pony with her muzzle and said, “Don’t worry, my little pony. The creature is gone for the time.”
The guard’s eyes flickered from the hole in the wall to the face of his princess. “W-W-What w-was that thing?”
Celestia closed her eyes and sighed. “I am unsure as to what the creature is. I only know that it is mad; a true monster from an age long since passed.” Celestia looked back down at the pony before her, her face setting in worry. “But do not be concerned about it for now. It did not hurt you, did it?”
The guard started to get up on shaky hooves, their eyes looking over themselves for any sort of injury. “Uh,” they began. “No. I don’t think so, anyway.” Then they rubbed a hoof to their throat. “Gripped my neck a bit tight, but I’m fine otherwise.” Then the pony seemed to remember just who it was that they were talking to. They sharply stood at attention, saluted the princess, and said, “Oh! Uh, sorry, Your Highness!”
Celestia stood as well, glad to see her little pony recovering so quickly after meeting that creature. She knew from experience that the monster could leave quite the impression. “Don’t worry,” she said with a smile. “I’m simply happy that you are alright. Now, if you don’t mind my asking, what was the creature doing before I showed up?”
The guard dropped their salute, a troubled look playing across their face. “It was…” The guard shook their head. “When I got there it was fighting off a squad of guardsmen. It was… Savage, the way the thing threw them around.” The guard gestured at some of the crumpled forms of unconscious ponies lying on the ground. The walls just above some of the prostrate forms were dented and cracked as though the beast had thrown the ponies into the walls with such force as to crack solid marble.
The guard pony went on. “When I charged the thing, all it did was knock me down. My sword flew out of my mouth, though, and it picked it up. Then, just when it was about to…” The pony gulped at the thought. “Chop my head off, it just… Stopped.”
Celestia blinked. “Stopped,” she echoed, as though she wasn’t sure she heard right.
The guard nodded. “Yes, Your Highness. It just stopped, and started to shake. Then it started talking to itself.”
Celestia tilted her head in question. “Talking to itself how?”
“As though there was somepony talking to it, Your Highness. It even asked why they were so loud.”
The Sun Princess’ brow furrowed in thought. She had known that the creature she had trapped under the city so many centuries ago had been insane, but never had she seen an indications of it being that far gone.
Perhaps that’s why her efforts to help it before it was imprisoned never seemed to work.
She got back on track, looking back down at the guard. “And that is when it stabbed itself?”
The guard nodded, their face becoming pale as their eyes flicked down to their chest, where a few red spots of the thing’s blood had splattered over their armor. “Yes, Your Highness,” was all the pony had to say.
Celestia nodded. “Go to the infirmary, little pony. I’m sure you’re alright, but it would be better to be safe than sorry.”
The guard tried to argue. “But what about the cre-”
Celestia held up a hoof to silence the pony’s fears. “Do not worry yourself with that for now, my guardsman. For now, simply concern yourself with getting a doctor for yourself and all the others.”
The guard blinked, then looked around the hall at all the laying forms of their fellow guard. They then looked back at their princess, saluted, and said, “Yes, Your Highness.” They pivoted on a hoof, and ran down the hall, taking a left at the hole in the wall.
Celestia watched them go, then looked down at the defeated forms of her guard, and sighed. The creature that had just been let loose onto the city was something, like she had told the guard, from a bygone age. It was a monster of pain and cruelty, and almost seemed to feed off of the havoc and destruction that it wrought. Back before it was imprisoned, it had been a menace. But now, in the new pony age of alleged enlightenment and complacency, the beast would be a true terror.
Celestia had no doubts that there would be a body count by then end of all of this. She could only hope to minimize the casualties.
She shook her head, banishing the morbid thoughts from her mind. Now was not the time to worry about casualties. Now was the time to prevent them.
Determined to see her ponies safe, Celestia turned back down the hell the way she came, and made for her sister’s chambers.
She was going to need all the help she could get.
The Canterlot Gardens flew past us as Krieg carried us in a long-legged sprint. Give the guy credit where it’s due, the big thug can really move when he wants to. Though, he’s usually running straight towards trouble, rather than away from it, but the guy could still move.
It was probably because of Krieg’s near-superhuman (or maybe above superhuman, I’m not really sure) speed, that we were able to make it to the castle gates in time, before they closed it on us..
There were a contingent of guard ponies around the mouth of the gate, a few talking with each other animatedly, while two worked a crank nearby that operated the raising or lowering of the gate and drawbridge.
One of the guards, a pegasus day guard, was saying something to the others near the gate, when they saw us. Instantly, they turned to look at us, raised a hoof in a point, and shouted something to their fellow guard. I could only guess what they were saying, but I felt confident that it was somewhere along the lines of, “Look, there! Get ready!”
All the guards around the pegasus started to get into a formation in front of the gate, blocking my and Krieg’s exit. They drew various weapons to their sides, most of which were swords, and took a defencive position in wait for Krieg and I to meet them. The two ponies operating the crank turned to look at all the commotion, and upon seeing us, redoubled their efforts on the bridge.
Krieg saw all of this happening, and instead of stopping in his tracks so he could evaluate the situation and come up with a safe and efficient solution, he simply increased the speed of his sprint at the ponies.
Krieg, I said to the psycho. What the hell are you doing?
The psycho simply started to cackle in response, and in one smooth motion, ripped the sword that had been in our gut out, reopening the wound that had somehow closed around the blade. As he neared the first pony, he raised the sword over our head, ready to strike the pony down where they stood at the ready.
I fought against Krieg in a battle of willpower. Damn it, Krieg! I shouted at him. We just went over this! No hurting of the guardponies!
Krieg growled in our chest as he closed the remaining distance between us and the guard. Then he suddenly shouted, “TRAINING WHEELS!” at the top of our lungs, and brought our free hand forward in an incredibly painful, but ultimately non lethal, punch straight to the guard’s face.
The guard fell backwards from the force, and Kreig simply bounded over the crumpled form, making a beeline straight for the two guards that were cranking the gate closed.
The other guards in between the two of us and the two of them tried their hardest in an effort to stop us from getting to the crank, but Krieg simply batted them around like they were playthings. Despite them having gotten more than a few strikes in with their swords and spears, our blood welling up from the wounds, Krieg would not be denied egress from the castle to the city at large.
Once we got close enough, Krieg suddenly lunged straight at one of the guards on the crank, who was completely caught off guard, in a full body check. The guard didn’t travel very far, as there was the stone surface of the castle wall behind them. The hit with enough force to crack some of the stones, and for their armor to dent inwards with an odd retching sound. The pony slumped to the ground, too dazed to stand and put up a fight.
The other pony at the crank didn’t seem to like Krieg putting the hurt on his buddy, because he stepped away from the hand of the crank, his head twisting as he drew his sword from his back.
Krieg laughed right at the pony, simply reaching out to grab the blade of the sword (which dug painfully at our palm, though Krieg simply chuckled at the discomfort), hefted the pony up a little, then brought him straight down with as much force as he could muster. There was a cracking sound as the pony’s jaw broke, the grip on his sword being lost in the process, and the pony could only watch in dazed terror as Krieg brought the pommel of the sword that had been in our gut down onto the top of their head, knocking the pony out cold.
Krieg then spun on a heel, and just threw the spare sword in our left hand at the other guards, who were still recovering from the Blitz that is Krieg. They all dodged out of the way of the blade, though doing so caused a few of them to get knocked back onto their ass.
Heh, I thought out loud. Blitzkrieg.
“ROLLING THUNDER!” Krieg shouted in response. When he saw that the ponies were thoroughly distracted enough, Krieg drew an old stick of fucking dynamite from one of our pants pockets.
Woah, woah, woah! Where the fuck did you get that thing?!
Like Krieg often did, he simply laughed manically at me in response. He then practically skipped with anticipation over to the stone wall, and drew the sword in our hand across the surface quickly, drawing forth sparks from the wall. He held the dynamite close to the wall, letting the fuse catch the sparks that he was making until the string suddenly lit, a familiar hissing sound playing through the air as Krieg simply dropped the thing right next to the crank.
Shitshitshit! Go! Out the gate!
Krieg heeded my command and rushed forward, turning sharply as he came to the mouth of the gate. He rushed us past the threshold that separated the city from the castle, and did so just in time for the dynamite to explode the crank that had been holding up the gate.
The iron structure of the gate suddenly fell downward and hit the ground with a deafening crash. Krieg kept running towards the now-open playground that was the city, laughing madly at the shouts of the pony guards behind us.
I, however, was not at all pleased with Krieg at the moment. Because while we may have gotten away, and we may have created a nice barrier between us and the vast majority of the guards that wanted our head, the dynamite that had been used to destroy the crank had been used with two disoriented guards lying in very close proximity to the blast.
Simply put, there was absolutely no way that those two guards that had operated the crank had survived the explosion.
Suffice to say, when there was a moment of peace for me to do so, I’d have to make a point to Krieg that I am not fucking around when it comes to the harming of innocents.
Throughout all the castle, it went without saying that it was best to not wake one of the princesses during their hours of sleep. This especially applied to the Princess of the Night, Luna.
Over the past few years, ever since Luna’s return from her tenure on the moon, many of the staff have had to make more than a few adjustments to the sudden presence of a second celestial princess. Many a servant had to make large adjustments to their personal lives, simply so that they would be awake and at work at the hour that the new Lunar Princess might need them.
Often times in the past, this sudden shift in the paradigm of the work schedule had caused a fair bit of commotion throughout the castle, as servants who were needed were nowhere to be found; chefs that arrived when they were actually due for work in the late hours; a lack-of or overabundance-of guards patrolling the halls.
The minor moments of havoc were noticed by everyone in the small pseudo-community that was the castle’s staff and occupants. For most, this was simply a form of minor inconvenience.
For the Princess of the Night, however, it was a bit more than that.
Nopony ever truly enjoyed talking about the times when the Lunar Princess stormed out of her room, her mane an absolute mess, as she stomped her way towards the offenders who dared to disturb her sleep. Even the most stoic of guards would rather discuss something else, rather than remember the moments when they learned just what it was the ponies of ancient times were thinking when they named something that haunted one’s sleep after the terrible form of Princess Luna.
So, it was an unspoken rule through the entire castle that no one cause enough trouble as to wake the Princess of the Night. It was something that, for everypony’s sake, you simply did not do.
Unless, of course, you are her older sister. Then all she could do was grumble angrily at you.
This is what happened when Celestia had stormed her way into her sister’s darkened room, shouting for her to awaken. Luna had shot up in her bed, her eyes wide with anger, and she was just about to start yelling at the pony with so much gall as to wake her from her much needed sleep, when she actually looked at said gall-filled pony, and grumbled out an annoyed, “Of course it would be you…”
“Luna,” Celestia said, her voice deadly serious. “I need you awake now, sister.”
Luna blinked at the sober tone her sister, and she started to blink the sleep out of her eyes. “What do you require of me?”
Celestia thought about her words for a moment before saying, “Perhaps you do not remember, Luna, but… Do you recall the bipedal creature that caused havoc all throughout Equestria during the…” Celestia, even after all this time, did not enjoy the memory of the prolonged war between her and her sister, who had taken the moniker of Nightmare Moon at the time. So, she simply gulped and tried to change her words so as to bring up as few horrid memories as possible. “Before your banishment?”
Luna simply looked at her sister for a moment, emotions flickering quickly behind her eyes far too fast for even her elder sister to be able to tell what they were. “Indeed,” she said after a second passed, her voice almost ghastly serious. “I remember the beast.”
Celestia nodded. “Perhaps 150 years after you were banished, I was able to finally find the creature and capture it, though not without a great deal of effort and the loss of many lives. I was able to lure it into the caverns beneath the city and chain it there.” She then shook her head as a thought seemed to pass her by. “I had thought that would be the last I would see of the beast, that it would have…” She winced. “That it would have starved down there.”
“But it did not,” Luna observed, her tone oddly neutral.
Celestia shook her head once more. “No, sister, it did not. It… Somehow, it has broken free from the chains. It terrorizes the castle even no-”
There was a sudden, loud explosion that could be heard from outside the walls of Luna’s room.
Both of the sisters listened, then looked at each other with wide eyes. They both made a gallop for the balcony adjacent to the room, Luna scrambling out of bed as she did so, and they both look out and down towards the gate.
They could see the dust plume that the explosion had caused, could see the panicked forms of the guards on the near side of the gate trying to scramble and reorganize themselves.
And on the far side of the gate they saw a figure, growing ever smaller, running from the castle.
“We must find it,” Luna said, her tone seemingly absolute.
Her sister turned to look at the Lunar Princess, scanning her face as she did so. Celestia knew Luna well enough that there was a coloring of undertone to her almost-absolute voice. She simply didn’t know what the emotion her younger sibling was trying to hide was.
“We must organize the guard,” Celestia replied. “Ensure that they are informed as to what it is that they will be facing. We also need to send our fastest messengers out to the city walls and place all of Canterlot on lockdown.”
Luna thought for a moment, before slowly nodding her head. “Indeed,” she agreed. She then looked at her older sister. “You go and prepare the guard en mass. I shall ready myself and then send for the messengers.”
Celestia nodded in agreement, placed a hoof on her sister’s shoulder in a comforting gesture (whether it was for Luna or herself, neither knew), and then made haste for the barracks.
It was a good thing, too. Had Celesia stayed any longer, she would have seen Luna’s hind legs give out from under her, causing her to land heavily on her haunches. As ignoble memories from eons passed assaulted her mind, Celestia also would have seen the tears that Luna refused to let fall from her eyes.
Luna bowed her head in shame.
Author's Note
Screw it, I'm going to keep a body count for this story.
Body Count: 2
There was a heavy crash behind us as Krieg yet again brought some restaurant's outdoor seating and the accompanying umbrellas to the ground in a splintery mess.
Kreig! I shouted at the psycho, trying to get my voice through to him over the cacophony of crashing and screaming around us. We don’t have time for this! We need to leave!
As the ponies around us screamed and ran about in panic, Krieg spun towards the face of the restaurant he just vandalized, picked up a table leg, and screamed “TEN PERCENT!” as he chucked the hunk of wood straight through the front window. There was a crash as the window shattered, and even more screaming coming from inside.
Krieg! I shouted again. It was something that I had gotten used to doing a lot. I tried to urge the psycho to keep running down the road, so as to put as much distance between us and this city as physically possible.
Krieg growled at me, but did as I bade him, muttering, “I MISS MY MEAT STICK…”
We can look for it later, I promised him. But right now, we need to get the fuck out of this town. Can’t look for your buzz axe if we get imprisoned again.
And so Krieg started to sprint down the street again. I just hoped that he wouldn’t get distracted again.
We were just turning a corner into an alleyway at my behest, when something sounded through the air of the entire city. It rang in metronomic rhythm as it continued for minutes on end. We had gotten maybe half a football field down another street (one that the alley had led us to) when it finally connected in my head just what the noise was.
Shit, I thought out loud. That was the city alarm.
Looking around us only confirmed that suspicion. Ponies were running about, heading for the doors of homes and safe havens alike, while guards could be seen behind us making a quick, efficient sweep of the streets. Given the numbers that seemed to be around us, it was apparent that the little trick with using the gate to block them from the castle barracks and the rest of the city did little for us.
Krieg noticed the number of guards behind us as well, and he seemed to think that the best idea would be for him to stop in the middle of the street, and throw the sword that he must have carried from the little scuffle at the gate right towards the lot of them.
Why, I said. It felt more like a statement than a question to me. Why would you think this was a good idea.
Krieg cackled to himself. “TIME TO SEE THEM BLEED…”
Luckily, the sword that Krieg threw at the ponies hit one of them hilt first. Unluckily for the pony, it hit them square in the head and with enough force to knock them out cold. I could even hear the ringing of their helmet from where Krieg and I stood.
The guards’ attention was drawn to where Krieg and I stood. They seemed to come to some sort of conclusion, and all as one, they drew whatever weapons they had-- a variety of swords, spears, and crossbows-- and charged straight for us.
All I could do was sigh at the scene. Oh, for fuck’s sake…
The next few minutes were all really just a blur of motion, as flesh hit against metal, metal against flesh, and as bodies hit the floor with meaty thuds and metallic clunks. Back when I had been in control of our body, I was never much one for fighting. I was really good at staying out of the way. So when Krieg took over, and a lot more fights started to happen around me, I was never very good at keeping track of what was happening around us, at least in some of the larger fights that we found ourselves in. There would be moments when I would have enough focus as to see a few seconds of what was going on, but then our head would start to hurt, Krieg would falter, and I would decide that it would be best if I didn’t see everything.
One of those moments came to me as I saw Krieg punch a pony guard square in the face, a sword from behind suddenly being thrust through our back and out our stomach. This just seemed to annoy Krieg, and he reached forward to grab the horn of the unicorn he had just punched. Then in one smooth movement, and with more strength most would guess he had, Krieg spun around on a heel, and used the unicorn guard as a club to beat the one who had just stabbed us over the head. The backstabber was thrown a good few feet off to the side where he fell in a heap, and Krieg continued the swing, only to release the poor guard he was using as a club in a throw that slammed the unicron head first into the stone wall of a nearby building.
Then suddenly, a bolt imbedded itself into our shoulder, a headache started to creep up on us, and I receded back into our mind, letting thing go back to the blur they usually are in a massive fight.
Another instance I was unlucky enough to catch was when Krieg had somehow gotten his hands on a spear, and was swiping the thing across a pony’s face, tearing right through their eyes. As the psycho laughed like he was having the time of his life, the blinded pony simply fell to the ground in a mess of blood and screaming. Krieg then seemed to notice something off to our right, and he spun to face off against a pegasus who thought that charging us from the air would be a good idea.
Instead of doing what I thought he would, that being to wait for the pegasus to get close enough and then stab them in the face, Krieg simply hefted up the spear, and pitched it right at the ever-nearing pegasus. The weapon said through the air and missed the guard’s torso by inches. It did not, however, miss the guard.
The spear imbedded itself into the guard’s right wing, and they suddenly became too heavy to be kept aloft. They fell heavily to the ground, and Krieg surged forward, laughing all the while, and was about to curb-stomp the pony’s grey matter all over the cobblestone road when the headache started to overtake our focus. He smashed our foot into the ground just next to the guard’s head, the stone fracturing under the pressure, and gripped at our head in annoyance. I receded back into our mind.
Those are just two of the few little snippets of what happened in the span of a minute or two. I’m not entirely sure that I always want to be able to see just what it is that Krieg is doing when we get into massive brawls like this. All that I know is that I have most of my attention occupied with keeping Krieg from going into an all-out rampage, trying my hardest to keep him from doing his worst while simultaneously trying to prevent him from doing anything I’ll regret with the anger and bloodlust that he does have at hand.
The blur of motion around us and the sea of rage that I was holding back seemed to lessen as I was able to come back into the forefront of our mind without any hassle. Krieg was throwing one last pony off to the side negligently as I came back, and all around us, the entire company of guards were either writhing on the ground in pain, blood oozing out of one orifice or another, or were blissfully unconscious. Krieg himself was battered, bruised, bloodied, and had more than a few crossbow bolts sticking out of him, but was otherwise content with all the destruction around us.
Hell’s Bells, Krieg. Again?
The psycho simply chuckled in response.
Ugh. Fine. Whatever. As long as none of them are dead.
Krieg growled. “I WANTED TO PLAY A SONG WITH THEIR KIDNEYS…”
I would have rolled my eyes if I had any of my own. Yeah, I know th-
Shouting from the opposite way down the street drew our attention. We looked down the road to see another company of guards running towards us, their weapons at the ready.
Crap, I thought. They must have been drawn in by the fighting. We need to leave, Krieg.
Krieg simply started to laugh again. “WAVE TWO!” He shouted.
Damn it, Krieg! Seriously, I say that a lot. We keep this up, we’re going to have the entire pony army on our ass! We’re good, but I don’t think even you can take those numbers! The psycho made no move to try and get out of the wave of ponies’ way. I snarled at him. Fine! We leave now, we can find somewhere for you to let loose!
I couldn’t tell from where I was, but I would bet dollars to doughnuts that Krieg’s only visible eye seemed to shine in anticipation and hunger at the prospect of being allowed to kill something without that annoying little voice in his head giving him grief.
Go, I told him. Through that house.
I could feel Krieg’s manic smile as he charged for the house I indicated.
Hopefully, we were heading the right way. My exit strategy for us, while unconventional, should work just fine.
I just hope it doesn’t shatter every bone in our body.
That would suck .
